Oct
12
2024

ADHD and Planners: Why I Finally Stopped Buying the Promise of Organization

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Raise your hand if like me, you may or may not have a wee bit of a problem with planners? You know, those cute paper things with dates inside that are generally spiral bound?

Well, I gotta share a win with you because you all are the best place to share wins with. I, Sheila, went into Staples this week and the end cap with all of the brand new 2025 planners called to me and I didn’t buy one! All the new designs with promises of organization, habits formed, water consumed, mindsets shifted, called to me louder and louder. I thought it would be rude if I didn’t at least say hello, so I did.

I went over and flipped through them to see what new feature Blue Sky had come out with for 2025 to help me get my life in order. I started getting excited. Visions of finally having a to-do list system in place came to me. Maybe I would be just as organized as I was in elementary school? Maybe I would finally use all the pages in my planner again like I did in college? Maybe I would diligently write things down and cross them off like I did when I worked pre-kids?

OH THE PROMISE a new planner brings! And then I stopped. “Girl, these planners are gorgeous. Oh so gorgeous AND you know you will not use them. It is a waste of your money. Your mind, your wonderful ADHD mind no longer functions best with these planners. Put it down, say goodbye, and slowly back away from the end cap.” AND I DID! For real, so excited! I know, it’s silly.

But seriously, do you know how many hundreds of dollars I have spent on planners that I’ve never used?! Too many to count. The planners just sit on my desk and honestly, make me feel bad about myself. They remind me how much I struggle to find a system that works for where my brain is today, where I am today. Years ago, in school and at work, my “project list” and “responsibilities list” were wayyyy shorter. Using a planner worked with my ADHD brain.

Today, it just doesn’t. I have tried and tried and tried to make it work, but I just get frustrated that yet again, I can’t find a system I so desperately, desperately need. I accept that I have ADHD. I accept that my brain works differently. I (mostly) accept that I am a single mom. I (mostly) accept that the demands on me are more than other moms and so my list is a little longer. I accept that I have anxiety. I accept that I can overthink my to-do lists and create more items than other people.

I accept that I have sensory processing disorder. I accept I have more items on my to-do list as a result because my physical environment really impacts my well being. AND ALSO I still find myself sometimes wishing that I could just use a planner as effectively as others so that I could manage all of the extra items that come from the above, a little more productively. I still find myself sometimes longing for the days when I was productive and could work around my ADHD because the demands on me were so much less.

But I can’t go back in time and I can’t get the current planners to work for me, and I’ve tried lots of them. I haven’t lost hope though! I’m creating my own system. I’m researching and teaching myself what works for my brain. It’s trial and error and trial and error. I’ll find something. I know I will. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday. Make sure to celebrate a win or two of your own – feel free to even share here.

I’d love to celebrate you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are working through your own challenge and making progress. I see you!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Oct
08
2024

Why Burnout Advice Can Feel Like the Last Thing You Need

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I was scrolling social media last night (numbing myself if I’m gonna be totally honest) and stopped suddenly. A post about “how to avoid burnout” really ticked me off. It was well intentioned. Had great ideas. And yet, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Maybe it was my state of mind since I’m doing everything I can to avoid burnout as we speak and the last thing I needed right then was to read about how to avoid it. I wanted to be seen. Supported. Listened to. Understood. I wanted everything “burning me out” to disappear. I didn’t want to do more; I wanted everything causing me stress to go the blippidy blip away!

Which made me think. There is a self-care message that I feel isn’t said enough, especially in the social media world. (Wait, is there even another world of communication these days?) Maybe the message is out there but I don’t see it because I’m just bitter because I know in my heart I don’t “do self-care” well enough and I feel “shamed” by all the “you should do these things” messages.

Or maybe I miss the one message I seek because I’m just bitter because my life isn’t as “easy” as others who are able to “do” all the “self-care” things one “should” do to feel good as they take on modern day challenges.

Or maybe, it’s that I’m down to earth, and honest, and real, and I want people who are struggling, overwhelmed, tired, craving a break, really near burnout and in need of all these “self-care” suggestions (like me!) to feel really seen and not inadvertently shamed.

Most likely, it’s all of the above (as it always is of course!) The message? Actually messages, that I wish I saw more of?

(1) You can do everything you are “supposed” to do to avoid burnout, to take care of yourself, and still burnout. Maybe not total, complete burnout, but close enough.

And it isn’t because you failed or did a lousy job at “self-care” it’s because there are simply seasons that are overwhelmingly, massively HARD. They are so hard that the hits just keep coming at a rate faster than your well-intentioned self care actions can overcome. Again, it isn’t for your lack of trying or because you’re broken that you burnout. It’s because life can be unrelenting sometimes. So you do your best and love yourself fiercely through all the challenges; that is the ultimate self-care that will keep you going.

(2) All of these supposed ways to avoid burnout: – Set boundaries – Incorporate healthy sleep habits, exercise habits, etc… – Make life simple – Connect with friends Well they take time to learn so it’s not as easy as “do these things and you won’t burn out!” So again, let’s be kind to ourselves as we work to “not burnout.” But also, as you learn them, you might burn out along the way.

See point one once more 🙂

Also, once again, there are simply seasons where these can be hard!

When I tore my ACL? Yeah buh-bye sleep and exercise and simple life and HELLLO burnout. Divorce? Lost friends, sleep out the door, lost energy to remember to do the other things. HELLLLO burnout.

Do you see where I’m going? Again, loving ourselves through the hard is the ultimate self-care and yet, and YET that too is so hard to do sometimes because it’s also a skill that for some of us takes time to learn.

I “may or may not” have had some unkind things to say to myself last night. I’d like to blame my hormones but…I also know I can be kinder to myself and should be.

So I guess the third message? The one I really would have loved?

(3) Hey there. I see you scrolling. My guess is you are close to burn out. I know you’re working hard. Doing all the things to avoid burnout. To feel good. To parent well. To live well. To be well. To love well. It’s A LOT of work, I know.

Because right now life is A LOT of work. Some days I bet it feels like a battle, a battle I bet you wish would just get easier. Keep doing whatever little bit you can do today – it does make a difference. I’m thinking of you. I’m not going to tell you what to do to avoid burnout; you already know.

And I know you are trying so hard. I’m just going to tell you I’m here, with you, lending my hand if you need help. (Oh but I will tell you to be kind to yourself because I’m pretty sure you might be forgetting that part right now.) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post resonated with you,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Oct
02
2024

How The Orange Rhino Grew From Yelling Less to a Bigger Life Question

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Welcome to the new followers! I thought I would go back in time and do a little recap of where I started and how I got here today. Original O.R.’s…please fill in the blanks in the comments with any key information I might have missed. And don’t worry – I’m still gonna sneak in new nuggets in this post so it will have value to everyone who knows the history 😉

Way back in 2012 I started The Orange Rhino Challenge® which was my promise to my 4 boys, then ages 5 and under, to go 365 days straight without yelling at them. Turns out, I went 520 days! Three top things I did:

  1. I tracked when I yelled so I could find patterns and solutions
  2. I did all sorts of sensory type things to calm my body when I felt a “yell” coming on like splashing cold water on my phase, jumping jacks, dancing, getting out in nature
  3. I realized that so much of why I yelled had more to do with my anxiety or state of mind than it did my kids so I started using the phrase “at least” to change my perspective (at least it was a plastic jug of milk that spilled and not glass!) I did other things too but that was a favorite!

In the end, I realized that the real upside to learning to stop yelling was that not only did I no longer go to sleep hating myself and feeling immense shame, but I now went to sleep feeling more peace and happiness because I loved myself, my life and time with my kids more. Everything I was doing to yell less was making my life all around better!

Yelling wasn’t the real problem. It was a symptom. The kids weren’t the problem either. I was the problem, said with so, so much love. The way I was responding to life was the problem. And it wasn’t because I was broken or a bad person – it was simply because I didn’t yet have the skills or knowledge or awareness to know how to do better.

So anywho, on March 23, 2013 I went viral with an article on Huffington Post called, “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids.” A book deal came from that and “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino® Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids and How You Can Too” was born in 2014.

I could barely launch it as my youngest son got very sick. Then my oldest got sick. And then my marriage died. My confidence and so many other personal pieces of me that helped me to yell less died alongside my marriage. I started yelling again. It was awful. I felt like an imposter. I felt like a failure. Mostly, I felt alone, lost, scared. I felt unsure, disconnected and disappointed. How did I get to that point?! How had my life turned out this way? How had I become this person again?

The self-ridicule, self-doubt, self-hate rolled back in and rolled in hard. It planted its roots and stayed for a nice long while. UGH. 2016 to 2022 were hard years. That’s a big chunk of time, isn’t it?! I kinda don’t like seeing that on screen. That’s really hard to admit. I mean, 2016 to 2018 was the divorce so that makes sense. But then four more years? Okay, throw covid in there and that makes more sense and… WAIT why do I have to justify having a good chunk of hard years? I don’t. Life is just hard sometimes.

The weight of those years started taking a toll – on my body, my spirit and my mind. That shame I felt in 2012? When I yelled too much? It was back. Now it was shame that I wasn’t fully enjoying life, or even just enjoying it like I hoped to. I was a shell of the person I used to be and was a shell of the person I knew I could be. I hit a few breaking points that tried to rally me but didn’t work. 

Then in February 2022, I had a doctor’s appointment that woke me up. If an appointment can slap you in the face, this one did. Oh did it slap me hard.

ENOUGH Sheila. Open your eyes. Life is beautiful and you’re kinda missing it and I know you don’t want to be. I love black and white photos, and there is a place for gray in life and in home decor 😉 but me? I was done living a life without color. I made a choice that day. I chose to tell myself over and over and over again, “Girl, YOU CAN DO THIS. You can overcome all of these challenges that the world is throwing at you. You can live a life full of gray and still live a life full of color.”

I had already slowly started taking bigger steps forward, out of my stuck place. Now, my steps have become more intentional.

No more regrets.
No more feeling like I missed out.
No more being in an “eh” place.

Yes more love.
Yes more loving myself.
Yes more loving my life.
Yes more loving time with my kids.
Yes to really, truly, focusing and figuring out.

What do I need to live a colorful life again? What lights me up inside? What makes me laugh, smile? What do I dream of? What do I long for?

And the big ones, What is missing? Where do I find it? How do I find it? What is weighing me down the most? What is the heaviest on my heart, my mind that is holding me back and keeping me stuck? Keeping me from all of the above?

And the BIGGEST one, Okay, and now, you know the answers, how do you get there? The final answer? I needed to return to The Orange Rhino! The community that when I was actively a part of, I had a pep in my step and more peace in my heart. The Orange Rhino gave me connection, community, strength, support, and so much more.

So here I am, returned. I might not write directly about yelling anymore BUT and this is a big one, everything is about yelling! Yelling was never the real problem. My skills, the way I responded to life’ s challenges were the problem.

Because when I’m in a good place, when I’m doing all the things I’ve worked hard on the last couple of years, I’m strong like a rhino and I can peacefully handle most triggers than come my way…without yelling. I still yell. I’m human. I’m not meant to be perfect.

But I don’t yell at myself over and over and over again for it. That just makes it worse and leads to years of yelling, eh hem example 2016 – 2019 😉 Thanks for reading; you have the patience of someone who can indeed yell less 😉 Sending my warmth and my strength, today and always, and especially if you too might be working to live a life with a little more color in it.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sep
26
2024

How Tuning Into My Teen’s Needs Led to the Conversation I’d Been Waiting For

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It happened…but it almost didn’t, because of me. I’m so glad I woke up and tuned into my teenager’s needs. Last night, I had a forty minute adult conversation with my teenager. Like a legit, adult to adult chat about important things. Really, really important things. I’ve been waiting for this exact conversation to happen for a couple of years.

And it was great and wonderful and all the things I’ve dreamed it to be. The questions he asked were thoughtful. The statements made were insightful, beyond insightful. The conclusions were spot on.

And then…and then… I started nodding off 🙁 ARGH! I so wanted to stay awake. To keep my son talking, to keep the conversation that I had longed for, going. But I couldn’t stay awake. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was exhausted. (And you know because of course it was past 9:00!)

 But you know what? I still savored every word my teenager said. Especially the, “hey mom, you look really tired. I think you need to go to bed. We can talk more tomorrow. You need to sleep. I love you.” And with that, just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended.

But the conversation almost didn’t start…because I was so exhausted. He had come into my office where I was seeking quiet. He chitter-chattered away and I reactively replied, “hey buddy, I just need a minute. I just got back from back to school night and I’ve been up since 5 and had a loooong day.” Not going to lie, I was hoping he would take the hint. I didn’t have it in me to actively listen.

I was more than physically tired. I was emotionally tired. It had been a day. It’s been a couple of weeks. I’m so glad he didn’t take my hint though. He kept chatting.

So I took his hint that I had missed. He wanted to connect. No, he needed to connect. I got up and said, “Let’s go talk in the family room.” The rest is history. Last night was the beginning of a new chapter for my son and me. It was the beginning of a new chapter for him.

And it almost didn’t happen. You know what made it happen? The Orange Rhino Challenge and The Orange Rhino 2.0

The Orange Rhino Challenge taught me to yell less which helped me become responsive instead of reactive. Without it, I totally would have been snappy at him when he wouldn’t stop talking and he might have shut down and said, “You know what, forget it” and walked away. 98% chance of that. The Orange Rhino 2.0 (that’s the season I’m in now, don’t have a new name yet) is reminding me to create and live a brighter, lighter life so that I have the energy to remain responsive even as I face life’s daily challenges.

I’m more grateful than ever for The Orange Rhino this morning. The little logo that could;) I’m so glad it stayed with me all these years and encouraged me to keep going, to be warm, to remain chill. Seriously. And I’m so grateful you all have stayed with me and given me a place to write, to be, to think, to grow. Last night also happened because of the community you offer. THANK YOU. Just thank you. Last night was a gift that happened because of The Orange Rhino.

Call it cheesy, call it whatever. I call it amazing.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are holding onto hope for the day you have that “one” conversation with someone dear to you, that one where they finally get it. I hope it happens soon.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sep
17
2024

When You’re Smiling and Crying at the Same Time: Both Feelings Can Be Real

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Look closely at this picture. What do you see? Do you see the tear rolling down my face? Do you also see the smile? I don’t share this picture for pity. I share it because it tells a VERY important point. I hope you take a moment to read it. It might just help your adult relationships and your kiddos. One time in couples therapy, years ago, my ex and I were told that when you don’t clearly communicate your feelings, but let your faces and bodies and actions do silent “talking,” that the other person “fills in the blanks” with their own answers as to what’s going on.

Oftentimes, but not always, the answers we create aren’t the truth. Oftentimes, the answers we tell ourselves create anxiety, fear, stress, sadness. The same story goes for our kids.

They see when we are in pain.
They see when we are sad.
They see when we are angry.
They see when we are stressed.

When we don’t communicate why – in an age appropriate, parent/child appropriate way, they fill in the blanks in the story. This happened to me yesterday. My ever so intuitive son called for me to pick him up from somewhere. He heard from the voice, just my voice, not even my face. “Are you okay mom?” Ooof.

I had tried so hard to collect myself and put on a happy, chipper voice to answer the phone. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to hide my feelings. But oh, they know when we are off. They know. “Yep! On my way.” WRONG answer. Here’s why.

The next five minutes he went through all the questions that he peppered me with when I got in the car: “Mom, did someone die?” he asked. “Nope. Everyone is okay sweetie.” I was in too much of a yuck state to even pretend I didn’t know why he asked. I knew I would need to come clean.

But first I wanted him to share what was on his mind. I let him continue. “Oh. But you aren’t okay. DON’T LIE. Are you sad because I didn’t say thank you for the ride before? Are you angry because I’m running late? Mom, are you stressed out from us kids? You didn’t sound right on the phone and well, your eyes are glassy and you have a tear on your face.” Whoa. He immediately assumed HE was the source of my pain and it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

And he thought I lied to him. No good. And whoa. They see us. They see our pain. I had tried to hide it from him, to protect him but all that did was hurt him. And lose a little trust in the process. Again, no good. Sharing big adult feelings with kids is a tricky thing. It’s a fine line like all parenting is…fun times, amirite?

But it is sooo important to give some clue to our kids when we feel off that it’s about US and not them so that they don’t tell themselves internal stories that they’re the problem. Besides, they need to know we are okayish. They need to know that even if we are in pain, that even if we are sad, angry, frustrated, stressed, whatever…that we will be okay. That we have a plan to get through the big emotion to the other side.

Not only does this “knowing” give them the necessary reassurance that we, their safe place, is secure BUT also, more so… It shows them that when they have the same big emotions they too will be okay. That they too don’t have to hide them. That they can feel them, express them, and work through them. That they don’t have to try and stop the tears and put on a happy face. Just some light thoughts for a Tuesday morning.

And don’t worry. I’m okay. Promise. I have plans. And they are BIG. GIGANTIC. HUGE. Wanna know? Drumroll please. I’m taking baby steps, one at a time, forward;) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are both crying on the inside, and smiling on the outside. I feel ya;)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sep
07
2024

Make the Plans: Why Time With Friends Is Worth Prioritizing

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Okay, I normally don’t directly give advice because I firmly believe that within each of us, we know what we need and what is best for us and that the last thing we truly need is more advice. BUT, today, today I am giving you direct advice. More than advice actually. I am boldly telling you what to do.

Because I love ya 😉 I want you to read this post and then immediately take action to make plans with a friend or friends within the next week or sooner. I also don’t like to write just do it but…just do it!

Yesterday, I had so many positive interactions with friends that today I am overflowing with positive energy, strength, determination, courage and yes, even hope. And honestly, I just feel better. I feel renewed. Refreshed. I feel human. I feel alive. These are some needed and overdue feelings from these past weeks of back to school go-go-go.

Yesterday, I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I laughed so hard I *almost* peed in my pants. I can not remember the last time any of this happened. Oh, oh how I missed this kind of connection. The kind of connection where I smiled so wide that my heart cried. It happily cried from being understood, from being accepted, from being validated.

My heart happily cried from not feeling *weird* or different or *broken.*

My heart happily cried from rejoicing that it, that I, wasn’t alone, that my feelings were shared by others, that I could share with others without being judged.

My friends (that’s you all!) I know we all crave and so very much need connection.I look forward to the day when we get together and laugh as we share stories from our days and cry from sharing other stories.

But until then, I encourage you, I tell you, to reach out to one person and meet with them in person this week. You will feel soooo much better from it. I know we are busy and sometimes hesitant or even afraid to make plans. I know for many of us, placing the call, writing the text, making the plans, will take effort and maybe even feel uncomfortable after all these months or years.

But I also know that the comfort that will come after the little get together will be worth it. Beyond worth it. I almost didn’t have the chit chats I had yesterday. I was too busy. Too worried to share. Too uncomfortable. Too afraid to be rejected. I am so glad that I decided to be uncomfortable and to go there.

Because the comfort I found in the discomfort has me floating today. Happy Saturday to my Orange Rhino friends. I am grateful for you just as much as I am grateful for the local gals in my life.

Sending my warmth to go with the strength I know you have, today and always, and especially if you too sometimes crave more in person connection and struggle to make it happen…but will this week;) hint hint (not subtle at all)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sep
02
2024

Back-to-School Overwhelm: When Everyone’s Emotions Are Bouncing Off the Walls

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This was me. Last night. Trying not to lose my holy loving mind. Last night = second to last night before senior year, junior year, freshman year (hello new school) and eighth grade start. Last night equaled total and utter, well, I don’t even have the words. Everyone was bouncing off. of. the. walls. and their emotions right there with ’em.

Excitement for a new year.

Stress from getting everything ready (finishing summer work included!)

Anxiety from the transition of summer to school, the land of work and more responsibility (and double transition, so double anxiety for my freshman as he starts a new school).

Sadness that summer is wrapping up and there was one week of amazing and a bunch of other weeks of eh. Summer 2024 was what it was. As JLo said, “Oh, it was a summer.” I share ALL of the emotions plus a few hundred more;) Okay, maybe just a few more.

Sadness and worry are at the top of my list. I’m feeling so bummed that summer vacation is over. I’m often like, “when does school start?” but not this year. I have never wanted to freeze time and also add time more in my life. The fall = mega stress and I am simply not ready for it. Not. One. Iota. And worry? Oh I am worried for each of my boys for different reasons. Not nervous, but mama worried, like my heart hurts worried, and back to school is kicking it up too many notches to count.

So as they bounced off the wall, I REALLY wanted to join them, but tried ever so hard to be the non-bouncy one. But oh, oh it got to a point where it was just too much.

So I took this picture instead of losing it. You know, “capture the moment, capture the yell.” The photo made me laugh. My kids were all, “what is she doing?” Three of them were literally standing around me, ALL talking to me at once as I started to take the selfie.

After I took the picture, I somewhat successfully encouraged everyone to each take some “lets each chill by ourselves” time. It settled everyone down for a little bit. Emphasis on little:) But it was something.

And I needed that little something. So did they. Today will be as overwhelming to my nervous system as last night. And tonight will be worse. Heck, this week is gonna be tough. Knowing this though, is a win. It makes it all easier as I can plan to (1) take care of myself so I’m in a good place and quasi ready to deal and (2) manage the expected triggers like exhausted kids, hangry kids, and adjustment to a new schedule and having to rush.

Here’s to knowing the challenges and being able to therefore mentally prepare for them the best we can. Do you have a challenge you are preparing for this week?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and also wishing everyone in the U.S. a Happy Labor Day.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

* not the best of picture of me lol, but woefully accurate of how I felt

Aug
19
2024

Seven Things I’m Working On to Build a Life I Actually Want to Live

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Day 4 // Just a refresher…I’m taking some time with my boys for a few days, 7 to be exact. I’m trying to get in some last minute summer memories before the chaos of school starts. I decided to try planned posts for the first time to help me focus on being “away.” I looked at a bunch of pictures I recently took and the stories behind them to see if there was a theme,and lo and behold, yep. The theme is not surprising at all: 7 goals I have to help me live the life I’ve longed to live.

One big goal? I want to be more courageous; live with less fear, more confidence. In my eyes, Rhinos are courageous and confident. They aren’t afraid to charge when needed. I too, want to go after what I want more, to be less afraid. I’ve known for most of my life that I’ve avoided things out of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of succeeding. Fear of being teased. Fear of this, fear of that.

Shortly before returning I realized in therapy how tired I was of living a life in fear.
How tired I was of keeping my opinions to myself.
Of not standing up for myself just to keep the peace.
Of not believing in myself like I used to.
Of not going after my dreams, just because…of fear.
Of how tired I was of HOLDING MYSELF BACK.

I wanted, want, to be more courageous and have thicker skin (like a Rhino.) I wanted (want) to learn how to take things less personally; to let things roll off my back more. Returning to The Orange Rhino was the start of this.

It was the start of facing fears and overcoming them. I’ve made progress on the more courageous, more confident, less afraid front, but have ways to go. That’s okay. Baby steps. I mean these posts? They are taking courage 😉 They are new and different for me. Stepping out of my normal zone lol. And not sure if they are working, but I’m still trying.

As for these roses, it was a risk and it’s working. I re-planted them at the start of the summer. Two professional landscapers told my fiancé and I not to. “Roses are sensitive. Don’t move them. They won’t survive.” (Such an easy statement for me to identify with since people tell me all the time I’m too sensitive!) The problem with that statement? I wasn’t happy where the roses were. The garden area wasn’t entirely bringing me the joy or peace I hoped for. I wanted to take the risk, make the change and move the roses.

My fiancé and I did the research, re-planted the roses and now, just look at these beauties! They’re blooming and blooming and blooming. And absolutely gorgeous! I see these roses everyday now and I see “thick skin” and having the courage to grow in new places 😉 And I’m reminded of my taking the risk of doing something that might have totally failed.

But roses don’t bloom all year here. Orange Rhinos do though;) Do you consider yourself courageous? Or do you too wish you were a little bit more so? Or maybe you consider yourself courageous but, is there one area where you wish you were a little bit more so? Do tell!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are working up the courage to do something hard and important to you.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Jul
03
2024

The Word I Never Thought I’d Use to Describe Myself

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The minute the word came off of my tongue, I stopped right in my tracks. “Did I really just say THAT word?” I asked myself. “Me, Sheila? I used that word, ever so nonchalantly? WHOA. Time out Celtics!”

Don’t worry. It wasn’t a bad word, or a word that I would correct my teenagers from using and then bust into a not-lecture-but-totally-a-lecture filled with “when I was a kid we never said those words and how is that word normalized and I’m worried about your generation” vibes.

I mean, it was the F word… but a good F word. A happy word even. Actually, it was several words strung together, a phrase! Are you ready for it?

“I had a lot of FUN today….”

F…U…N…FUN! I had just walked in the door with my boys from camp/work pick up and said, “I had a lot of fun today, who wants to see what I worked on?” I literally couldn’t believe I used the word fun. I was just so excited and wanted to share my joy.

Besides, of the three kids with me (one kiddo is still sick) one is artsy, one is into design and one is into math. I thought they might be interested in my excitement. Spoiler alert: (1) I was talking to teens and (2) exhaustion from camp made their interest a big NO. Which was fine, I got right back to my project and right back to having… MORE FUN. The project? I was drawing new floor plans for our kitchen/mudroom.

After two architects falling through because of personal reasons, I’m now waiting on a third one, and well, I got tired of waiting for the project to start.

So, I ever so happily took matters into my own hands. Ever. So. Happily. Cabinets are falling off the wall. Appliances are leaking and breaking. This project can’t wait any longer. Besides, I always wanted to be an architect. I have loved design and homes and creating beauty since I was a little girl. Floor designs bring my love of math, my love of puzzles, and my love of beauty all together in one place.

So, with my tracing paper out, my pencil in one hand, my architectural ruler in another, I started drawing line, after line, after line. I was in heaven as I imagined and re-imagined, drew and erased.

The only thing never erased? My happiness or my clarity about how much I love design. I was so at peace. I was challenged, in a good way. I was fulfilled as I finished one concept, ready to go on to the next. I was happy. I was having fun, so much fun. It was glorious. It isn’t that I don’t have fun. I do.

I had fun last week when my friend came over and we floated in the pool and just chatted.

I had fun talking on the phone with my best friend the other day.

I had fun joking yesterday morning when I called up to my almost 18 year old to see if he was ready and his reply was, “Oh good morning, I see you’ve had your coffee mom.” And I replied, “Oh yes, I have, shall we see if your brother has?!” But in general, in general, I wouldn’t say that I would describe my life as “fun.” That’s a bummer.

That’s now really how I want to live. I don’t need to be a party animal. I don’t need to have boat loads of fun everyday.

But I do want to have some fun everyday. I do want to do MORE of WHAT I ENJOY, more often. It isn’t that I am actively choosing not to. It isn’t that I am over-prioritizing the kids and yada. It’s just that, to be honest,

  1. I’m still honing in on activities, hobbies and experiences that bring me true enjoyment! Yes, I know what I like, but as my kids have gotten older and I have returned to having more time to myself, I am just getting back to more time for me! I know some of them. Photography. Arranging floral bouquets. Going to the beach. Celebrating others and doing random acts of kindness. Bowling. Watching the sunrise. Hiking. House design. Cake decorating. Writing, creating, designing, doing anything related, like interacting with you all:)
  2. I forget to stop and do the above activities! I get so caught up in managing the household, in doing this and doing that, that I don’t stop and do things that I enjoy. I know, I know. I need to schedule them. Routines and schedules and systems, well, I’m working on getting into them;) #ADHDlife
  3. On top of all this, I’ve been asking myself some hard questions lately, like:
    + Which activities can I do here and there to get bursts or fun and…
    + Which activities could I get lost in for hours?
    + Which activities could I do more often, for longer, so I can really say, yes, my life is fun, because I LOVE what I do?

FUN is all relative. Fun is different for me today than it was years ago and even one year ago. And it’s different for me than it is for you. What is the same for all of us, and the same today, and in the past, and yes and in the future, is what we all need. Fun fuels the soul.

I felt SOOO good yesterday. So good. What will you do today that will be fun? That will light you up? Do tell below! And if you can’t do it, tell us anyway. Believe it or not, it’s a trick that will make your brain even feel a little bit better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are in the process of getting back to yourself and getting back to adding more fun, on your terms, into your day. The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness, without a full cup of coffee post, reflecting a current challenge I am processing so that I can keep moving forward towards being the me I want to be and living the life I want to live.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Jun
08
2024

Family Meals Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Matter

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I had an epiphany this week. Nothing totally earth shattering. Probably nothing you haven’t thought of before or even myself for that matter. But it left me feeling so much lighter, especially going into the summer when my desire to make meals will be cut 100% 😉

With all the end of the year go-go-go we haven’t had any real, “solid” home cooked meals in a while. I just haven’t had it in me to do the weekly meal plan and big grocery shop. It’s been – what do I have? Great! That’s for dinner! We have nothing? Okay, quick trip to the store for bare essentials and easy meals. It’s been a lot of pasta, tortellini, breakfast for dinner, tacos, hot dogs, yada yada. And yes, pizza and take out. Stay with me. Epiphany, remember?

I haven’t cooked any of their favorite, more time intensive meals: chicken parmesan, hibachi chicken with fried rice, manicotti, chicken fajitas, homemade chicken fingers, and on and on. And vegetables? Well that’s been carrots, if I remember.

Tuesday I headed out with one son to his volleyball banquet. Because I hadn’t planned ahead, there was no lasagna to heat up or leftover bbq chicken to put on a sandwich, so it was pizza, again. Oh how the guilt started to roll in, all on its own.

And then one kiddo, because kids are simply just awesome like this, “Mom, when are you going to make a homemade meal again?!” And more guilt! Then another son, shhhh’d him and tried to whisper, but epically failed and said, “Dude, be quiet. I love pizza and take out. This has been great!”

I kinda agreed with him. The lack of meal planning, hour long grocery shops, dishes, complaints over meals, and cleaning the kitchen? Oh, oh, how great it had been. The cost? Not so much. The guilt? Also, not so much.

On my walk the next morning, my epiphany rescued me from my guilt. I have very, very few memories of home cooked nightly meals growing up. Here’s what I do remember:

~ One night a week, waffles, scrambled eggs and peas, my favorite meal
~ One night a week, Kraft macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, always a winner, especially with extra butter
~ A salad plate with two pieces of lettuce, two carrots, a cucumber slice, and some tomatoes with every non-breakfast for dinner meal, my mom’s attempt to get us to eat vegetables
~ TV Dinners (turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy!)
~Pizza every Friday night.
~Saturday morning breakfast at McDonald’s with my dad.
~Christmas morning breakfast of eggs, bagels, and grapefruit.
~Lasagna just for me on Thanksgiving because I didn’t like turkey.
~Cereal (mostly Cheerio’s or Rice Krispie’s) when still hungry.

What’s not here? Elaborate, homemade meals every night.

Maybe this was because I was a picky eater, and I didn’t like a lot of meals my mom made

-OR- Maybe it’s because depending on the stage of my life, my mom was either getting a Master’s degree, working, prioritizing herself, or taking care of a family member in need

-OR- Maybe it’s because there wasn’t enough time given our busy schedule

-OR- Maybe it’s because it wasn’t a value of my mom and dad’s Who knows.

But what this memory made me realize, is that what mattered, is that there was food. I was nourished. And an adult, either my mom or my dad or my really cool babysitter, was always there for dinner with me, until my later years in high school.

Dinner wasn’t fancy. Dinner was an act of love. It was a sign that my mom, even in her busy schedule, made sure:

that I was taken care of (and my dad on Friday nights and Saturday mornings.)
that food was available and on the table.
that holidays were special.
that I had what I needed to grow, to be strong enough to swim two hours, to stay up late studying, to do everything I wanted to do as a busy kid, always pursuing a new project, a new club, a new activity, a new idea.

This memory about my childhood snapped me out of feeling guilty about my lack of meal planning and homemade meal cooking. It gave me more permission than ever to make meals that are simple.

Where and when I got this notion that every night I had to make complex meals I don’t know. (Actually, I just realized where it came from..I needed to prove to myself that I can cook because someone once told me I was a lousy cook. Well I’m done with that limiting belief. Buh-BYE!) My kids are nourished, by food and love, and their favorite home-cooked meals when we have time and when I have the energy.

Turns out, the night of my epiphany, we had both. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed making dinner that night. We had meat, potatoes, biscuits and broccoli, a meal requested by my youngest. It came more from a place of love than ever and didn’t feel like a chore or obligation. I hope this epiphany isn’t new to you;) and if it is, I hope you are feeling lighter like I am.

Either way, this epiphany goes beyond cooking. It can be applied to probably any area where we feel we are falling a little short. Our love is nourishment. Showing up as parents, being supportive, creating traditions and memories, is nourishment.

This is what matters. Not how complex or perfect we made things. Sending all my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially as we go into the summer months when there are *SO MANY* expectations out there to hit summer bucket lists. Your presence is a lot. Remember that.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 


*another unedited, stream of consciousness post, showing my reflections of whatever random thought is on my mind or whatever challenge I can currently process so that I can move through it instead of staying stuck AND YES!

I had to take the pizza boxes out of the recycling for a photo because get this…they made it there before I had to ask;) in other words before I could take a picture!