Mar

2023

CLICK HERE to share EMAIL in Case I Lose FB Page – Because That Almost Happened Today

Posted on March 23, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

Good morning everyone,

Nothing like starting the day, hopping online to write an important post that kept you up all night because you were so fired up, only to go online and see a message that reads “Your page has been temporarily disabled.” I hadn’t had coffee yet so it took me a bit to realize it was a scam but it was enough to scare me into finally doing something I have been putting off – collecting emails in case I ever do lose my Facebook page to a hacker.

I saw this recently happen to someone. I want to say their site had several hundred thousand followers? A Community that she had built over years gone over night. Poof! I should have acted then but, well, welcome to my mind, I don’t always get things done when I should.

But I am doing it now. You all mean so very much to me. I can’t imagine waking up and not having The Orange Rhino® Community! So please, I hate asking, but would you join my in case of emergency email list? Which is interesting because in school papers, and medical ones, the in case of emergency people are those we trust. Those we are close to. Those in our community who are there for us – you are all in many ways my ICE people already! you have been there for me this year as I have returned!

I promise this list is just in case I lose the site. I will create a separate opt in for weekly emails or newsletter or whatever it is I decided to create in the near future which is coming because Facebook (1) this morning wakeup call not cool and (2) your algorithms are also incredibly not cool.

Thank you for being here with me – for supporting me, believing in me, laughing with me, and living along life with me!

xoxo
The Orange Rhino

Jan

2023

How to Not Yell At Teenagers – According to My Teen

Posted on January 8, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

“Mom, why do you look like you are about to scream and lose your…?” my teen lovingly and genuinely asked.

“Do you really want to know?” I asked back.

“Not really, no, but…ok, fine. Go ahead. What’s up.”

“Well…I was just googling some stuff for The Orange Rhino. And stumbled upon an article from that person that copied a lot of what I did…and then publicly bashed me. And I am just fuming. Absolutely fuming. I am frustrated that I can’t let it go. It bothers me that all these years later and I still let this get to me. Harumph.”

He sighed with me. He’s a great kid – love him to pieces. Are you ready for this wisdom? This is my silver lining kiddo.

“Mom, the past is the past. She copied The Orange Rhino ideas because she liked them. Compliment to you. And besides the past doesn’t matter now because you are focusing on not yelling at teens and that’s new stuff!”

(Yes, yes it is my dear. A whole lot of new stuff and a whole new level of patience!)

“Okay, but I haven’t totally figured it out yet. The whole not yelling at you teens.” I stated.

“No, no you haven’t! But you are improving. You are way better than last year. Look, I am sitting in the front seat actually talking to you now. See, progress! AND I am not wearing my headphones, I actually listened to you when you said it was rude to do so during a conversation.” He shared proudly, loving having an “adult” like conversation with me.

“Okay then Mr. Teenager. What is the secret to not yelling at teens? What did I do right? Enlighten me so I can share?”

“Oh, it is simple. Really simple. Leave us alone. Give us more space. Let us try things. Don’t lecture so much. Don’t nag. It’s okay if we screw up. Only start lecturing and reeling us back in when we are doing really stupid things. Like really stupid.” He stated matter of factly. Like it was that simple.

“Okay, makes sense. Gotcha. But what happens when you are, I don’t know, doing a lot of really stupid things, a lot of the time? Then what? Then I will need to step in more and that is certain to piss you off. Which will probably make things tough between us and I will probably feel like yelling again out of frustration. So, how do I handle that situation?” I asked, kinda afraid (in a good way) of the answer because of his silver linings and insights.

“Well, yes, yep that will definitely annoy the heck out of me. I will probably be rude. Nope. Definitely will be rude. But that’s on me I guess. Just don’t yell. It won’t help. And I will just put my headphones on and not listen anyways. So I guess, the answer to all of this mom? The best way to not yell at teens? Just don’t do it. It’s useless.” Again, stated as if it is that simple.

But maybe it was that simple?

There is a whole lot of truth in his statements.

I trusted him more.
Gave him more space.
More responsibility.
I removed some rules and put in some boundaries and said when the boundaries are broken, the rules and my being more present return.

Do we both still yell? Yes – we both still get moody and we are both still human!
But the interactions are way less intense, shorter and he genuinely apologizes after. It is progress as he says, and progress is the goal. I mean look where progress got us – to a conversation in the front seats of my uber cool minivan!

And, he is right. Yelling doesn’t work – kids literally don’t hear us when we yell.
It achieves nothing. They tune us out and teens – they especially tune it out. And not only do they tune us out, they then get more pissed at us and put up a wall to tune us out even more the next time we yell or even talk. There isn’t much upside to yelling. It kind of is that simple. That easy to just not yell? No. But remembering that it doesn’t work is a simple, helpful tool.

There are a few other things I did that he doesn’t see…

When he really gets going and rudely starts up, I walk away and dis-engage after I state calmly and without emotion, “I want to talk to you and hear what you have to say, but I will not be spoken to that way.” (His feelings do matter, I don’t want to shut them out. I am not walking away from him or his feelings, just the disrespectful behavior. Which we always address later when we are both calm.)

When he is frustrated with me for whatever I did, even if that is just breathing, I state, “I am here if you want” and again, walk away and don’t wait for a reaction.

I do random acts of kindness for him to remind him I love him and positively build our connection during good times (like make him hot chocolate for when he is studying.)

I joke around with him and get him to laugh with me and even at me. These moments are some of the best and have really strengthened our relationship. When he rolls his eyes at my intentionally bad jokes or bad dancing or bad singing, they are his silent way of admitting he loves me.Eye rolls aren’t always bad!

I stopped focusing on the bad behaviors he was demonstrating and focus more on the good kiddo I know he is.

And, I remind myself that this is a hard time for both of us and that in a couple of years he is off to college and I want these years to be more positive than negative – and that means (amongst a lot of things) working hard to not yell, even when frustrated.

*Author, “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!” (Hardcopy available today; Audiobook available for Pre-Order for download January 17th)

*Creator, The Orange Rhino Challenge® to Stop Yelling at My Kids

*Free 30-Day Challenge to Start Yelling Less Starts January 18th

Jan

2023

Loving Myself More…So That I Yell Less in 2023

Posted on January 2, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

This time of year is hard for me and I can just be out right grumpy. Spending holidays divorced are really hard and to boot, my wedding anniversary is days away. I am not really in the yippee-yahoo-lets-go-get-em-tiger-and-crush-a-new-resolution kind of mood. Which is kind of a bummer because I am a reflective person. I love thinking – what’s working, what’s not? What should I stop doing? Start doing? What do I want to see happen? But, it is all good because I reflect daily, not just on December 31/January 1. I know what I am all about in 2023.

It’s the same as 2022. And arguably the same as 2021. And probably even 2020 and 2019! Not so much before that. Didn’t see it yet!

I don’t necessarily like the following phrase because it has been overused and has therefore become cliché but… if I am going to be brutally honest, I am all about finding inner peace. Strengthening my inner peace.

Gray Rhinos are naturally calm and peaceful animals.

When I started The Orange Rhino years ago, I thought, yeah, I am a Rhino, I am naturally calm and totally peaceful. HAH! I have come to realize, I am sooooo not! I am not naturally calm and really not so much at peace, even when at rest. I want to be. I want “calm” to be my natural instinct, but it isn’t. I can be calm. When there is a legit emergency, i.e. blood everywhere from another “we need stitches” situation, I am calm and confident as can be. Totally an Orange Rhino. But generally speaking, my system isn’t calm or naturally peaceful. And ohh, oh how I want to be naturally calm and peaceful instead of being in a constant state of stress.

Stress from myself.
Stress from my environment.
Stress from life.
Stress from others.
Stress from sensory processing stuff.
Stress from living with anxiety.
Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress.

It is always fun to go to a new doctor and tell them about my life. Their eyes widen and they just can’t believe all the stressors (no, I don’t share everything here, some stuff is purely private.) They then hear me list everything right I am doing to manage the stress and then agree that I am doing the best I can under the situation and to carry on the best I can.

BUT there is one are where I am not “doing my best” well, at least yet. I am working hard at more inner peace by letting go of negativity. I am being more critical of what I accept/don’t accept in my life because my life depends on it.

A huge source of that negativity comes from the one and only…me! My self-doubt and critical talk is abundant. So I am working on that. Kind of had enough it to be honest. Here is a trick that I use when I am being too critical. I simply ask myself,

“What good is that statement?

Is that helping you?

Is it making you feel better?”

The answer is always no, not at all and that is enough to help me stop ruminating on it.

Last night. This morning. These last couple of weeks.

“I have nothing to offer.

Other people are better.

I’m rejected daily (oh social media and your insights, you stink!)

I’m behind schedule.

I’m not doing it right.”

I could go on and on. But I stop myself because – these negative thoughts DO ME NO GOOD. They aren’t helpful (nor true, but I don’t fully believe that lol…yet). They just aren’t. So why waste time on them?

I am not perfect on telling these negative thoughts to go away. But I am doing my best because that is what I have right now. I am continuing to work on the negative self talk or put another way, in Orange Rhino terms…drum roll…

Loving (myself) More

The upside to Loving (myself) More and strengthening my calm and peaceful inner rhino?

It leads to yelling less, a lot less.

So, today, as you go about a New Year’s Resolution, or even begin perhaps to start slowly yelling less…if you find yourself being critical and talking in any unloving ways to yourself, try asking yourself,

“Is this helpful?”

And then say to yourself,

“I’m doing my best”

Love yourself more today – and see what naturally happens. Good things…like yelling less…I am pretty sure.

Sending strength, resilience, never-ending determination and lots of “you got this,”

The Orange Rhino

Dec

2022

Yelling Less is Possible! 30-Day Challenge Starts January 18, 2023

Posted on December 31, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

REGISTRATION is currently closed for the January 2023, 30-Day Challenge.
But you can subscribe to be notified when the next one will start.

Not yelling can be really hard! Not stating anything new, am I? But, it is also really possible and I know this because I have done it (and re-done it)! I went 520 days without yelling at my four boys who were all under the age of 6 at the time. And then I yelled because well, I am human and yells happen! Life happens! It doesn’t make me a bad parent, it just means I had a tough moment and I yelled. The good news is that because of the tools, tips and insights I learned from my year of not yelling, I was able to start yelling less again.

I will share these same tips, tools and insights with you during The Orange Rhino Challenge® 30-Days to Start Yelling Less

Wait, why Start? Why Yell Less – not Stop Yelling? Well…here’s the thing. I too am a parent. We are all under a lot of stress already and I will not add to it but overpromising. You will also quickly find that I am, to a fault, honest so I will only write and share my honest experiences.

So…why Start? Learning to stop yelling is a never-ending, always learning journey. Everyday you start the journey. Everyday you challenge yourself. There is no true beginning or end. Why? Because kids change. We change. Life changes. Our environment changes. With all the changes – the tools and responses we learn, need to change too. The core remains the same, but they get tweaked. Your triggers change as time passes. Your kids’ triggers change (um, hello teenagers!!) So no, I am sorry but this is not a 30-days and you will be no longer yelling program or a 30-days and the yelling-cycle will be gone forever. I can not promise you that.

And yelling less, not stop yelling all together, like I did for a year? Again, this is a journey. You very well might stop yelling all together during the 30-days. For real. It is possible! And…you might not. BOTH are okay. Neither path makes you a better or worse parent. In fact, both our good days and our not-so-good moments matter!! We can learn from both – and teach our kids from both. So celebrate the moments you don’t yell and embrace the moments you do. At the end of the day, what matters most is that you do your best at any given moment. Eventually, all those moments do add up to more “yelling less moments” and all those moments do eventually add up to hours without yelling, then days, then maybe weeks or months. You might have a day where you stop and think, “WHOA! I have stopped yelling!” And then you might yell again – wait, you will, again, you are still human! – but because it is so much less, it won’t phase you as much. You will identify as a parent that doesn’t yell at this point. Trust me. You will then take the tools, tips and insights you know, apologize to your child for yelling, offer yourself grace, and start the journey to yell less again.

If this all sounds good to you – sign up below! More details will follow!

* Owning the book “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – And How You Can Too!” is not a requirement, but helpful! It is available hard copy at amazon or
PRE-ORDER the audiobook!

Dec

2022

Helping Hands Do More Than Yelling Demands

Posted on December 22, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Just another friendly reminder that I am not perfect…

Last night, I came in the door from picking up a child from the one-thousandth activity of the day, to find one dear child still on the couch. Hand’t moved an inch in ten minutes despite being asked to do so before I left. Eyes still glued to the phone. Before I knew it – before he even spoke a word, or moved a muscle – I started being wicked cranky.

“What are you doing?” I barked.

“Why are you still on the couch?” I demanded.

“I thought you had work to do?” I implored.

“Did you email me that document that needed printing?” I practically yelled?

My son’s response, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!”

And pause…how could I not? That stung. Ouch. I don’t know why. Sorry kiddo, not how I want to treat you or who I want to be at all. Darn-it. And also pause because that is the best thing to do when triggered and even though I was clearly already triggered – this was a new trigger and set me up to legit yell if I didn’t pause!

As I paused…so many thoughts started flying through my mind, by two main take aways:

1. I wasn’t yelling – but my tone was impatient, rude, demanding, and had quickly grown close to yelling. To him, it felt mean-ish. Yelling isn’t always loud. The true concept behind yelling is about how our words make others feel. Tone, and the words we chose, count chose as much.

2. He asked a really, really good question. Just because I am the adult and he is a kid doesn’t mean I always know everything or am always right. His question needed to be asked. Why was I being so impatient and rude? What had flipped my peaceful, I’m in a good place mood, to I’m in a cranky mood so quickly?

I want to share what happened next because, well, that’s what I do.
I immediately paused and remained in the moment and the uncomfortable feeling of, “yuck, I was just a total jerk.”

I started reflecting and asking myself all sorts of questions because I didn’t know why I was suddenly in this mood. All I knew was that I no longer wanted to be in it! I wanted to get back to a peaceful place so that bedtime could go smooth (and quick!) and I could go to be feeling good about how the day ended!

Why am I in this mood?

Did something happen in the car ride home?

Did I see something on social media when I got home and scrolled for two minutes before entering the house?

Was I hungry?
Was I anxious because it was late in the day and still so much to do?

Was I jealous because he was on the couch chilling and that was so out of my reach?

Was I fearful that this child didn’t get what he needed done while I was gone and therefore that it was going to be a long night?

Was it all of the above?
One of the above?
Some of the above?

Yep.

As I sit here, I think what happened was the following.
I walked in.
I saw the beautiful Christmas tree.
I remembered how I was looking forward to getting this particular child (who struggles to sleep these days) to bed, hopefully early, so that I could watch cheesy Hallmark movies while wrapping presents.

I was anticipating PEACE and me time. This sweet child had told me he had work to do. Had told me he was going to shower. His being on the couch, are you ready for this cheesy insight? It felt like a threat to my peaceful moment. So I charged with my words. I acted like a Gray Rhino…

Many of you ask – why The Orange Rhino? Long story short – I needed a moniker because I was anonymous when I started. My son was picking his nose once and said, “I can’t yell but I can still pick my nose” which led me to google Rhinos because somehow the word “rhinoplasty” came into my mind at that moment. The symbolism was striking and still is to this day, perhaps even more so.

Gray Rhinos -tenacious, vigorous and naturally peacefully animals who aggressively charge when provoked.

Whoa. I considered myself peaceful. Looking back, I laugh at that. I am not peaceful, but I wanted to be peaceful! But I didn’t want to charge aggressively (yell) when provoked.

Voila – The Orange Rhino – determined and resilient people who choose to remain peaceful and respond warmly when provoked – whether by kids, themselves, or life.

Last night, last night was a Gray Rhino moment. I needed to turn back into having The Orange Rhino mindset of remaining peaceful and warm so I apologized to my son for my cranky responses, I told him there were better ways for me to share my feelings and that I was feeling frustrated that I asked him to do several things and he hadn’t done them yet. Then, to ensure he didn’t charge back at me, that he didn’t meltdown or get aggressive with his words, to ensure that we remained in a peaceful, productive place, I asked him, “how can I help you get these things done?”

Just kidding. See, not perfect.I did apologize and share my frustration politely and in a more productive manner. But I forgot the working with him part, the problem solving together part. Being an Orange Rhino isn’t just about my behavior. Our kids have their own inner Gray Rhinos too! We need to bring out their Orange Rhino’s.

Since I missed the latter piece of working with him – he was now in a charged mood. He barked back at me some more and stormed off upstairs. I gave him space. I arranged a floral bouquet I had bought earlier to bring me some joy and get me to a peaceful place. I then when upstairs when I knew I was ready, truly ready, to interact in a productive, peaceful, Orange Rhino kind of way.

During these last nights of Hanukkah, these last days before Christmas, last days before Holiday break (or early days of break), likelihood is our kids are in more charged moods. Meet them with warmth. Meet them with a problem solving, let’s do this together attitude. It will go a lot farther. It is easy to think, “They need to learn to do things on their own!” Yes, they do, but sometimes our kids – like us – benefit from a little breaking of always learning and doing things on our own. If this doesn’t resonate, I leave you with this question.

How do you feel when someone decides to offer a helpful, loving hand and help you and do something with you, instead of you being left to do it alone by yourself? Would you rather, this week in the week of heightened stress, get into a fight with your child and them have a meltdown over a chore OR would your rather work with them and teach them empathy and the gift of helping others by extending a hand by working with them? Just food for thought. More so a really direct, blunt reminder to MYSELF. eh hem. Read your own words The Orange Rhino.

EDIT: CRAP. I just realized something. The REAL trigger? I mean I knew I wanted peaceful me time, but really the deeper meaning behind that? I just wanted, realllllly needed, a break. I needed someone to ask met he exact question I didn’t ask my son. I needed someone to ask me, “How can I help you?”

Nov

2022

When Thanksgiving Makes You Want to Yell

Posted on November 24, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

Such a perfect day to once again say thank you to all of you –
thank you for staying with me all these years,

thank you for the warm welcome back,

thank for you all the supportive and loving and encouraging comments,

thank you for sharing what I write,

thank you for buying my book,

thanks you for inspiring me with your stories and insights,

thank you for giving me a space where I know I can put what I write and not be judged or made fun off or any of that stuff.

Grateful really isn’t enough. It hardly even cuts it.

Oh, speaking of which – NO JOKE – does anyone have a good video on how to carve a turkey. I suck at it. Also not a joke. Seven years in and yet to find a good video. You would think with all my sons’ YouTube Expertise lol they could but you know, that’s a lot to ask of them lol.

Carving a turkey is one of the many things that will annoy me today 🙂 So will all the stress right as the dishes all come out of the oven at once. So will the fighting of my sons for no reason at all except that it is Thanksgiving. So will probably just about anything because I am exhausted today – I stayed up late brining the Turkey (which I have never done) and making M&M ice cream (which turned orange by the way so that will be a super awesome reminder at the end of the day when I am so done.) And I am exhausted mentally because it has been a lot week and well, it’s the Holidays.

Holidays are meant to be joyful and warm and cuddly and loving and full of laughter and memories and connecting.

But lets face it – it isn’t that easy. Holidays are complicated and stressful for so many reasons creating moments that are anything but a Hallmark movie.

Yes, there are moments that are wonderful – like last night when I started gobbling like a turkey for no reason (and yes, sober) and it was the funniest thing ever. That will go down as a highlight of this Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble.

Or yesterday when my 16 year old volunteered to help me put up the holiday lights (it was unseasonably warm and had to take advantage of the weather!) and I showed him how I have done it the past years (alone.) But this time, I did it with someone. We did it together. It was absolutely amazing as I used to do it with my dad. Passing on traditions. It was a beautiful moment. And tears…

But tears aren’t always happy ones on the holidays (ehem, yesterdays post.) There are so many…

Extra expectations.

Extra people.

Extra noise.

Extra chaos.

Extra emotions from past memories.

Extra tension with family members.

Extra opinions.

Extra pushing of boundaries.

Extra rushing here and there.

Extra tired and overstimulated kids.

Extra, extra, extra!

Yes, there are equally as many extra loving moments, but can we just say it is okay if there are extra not so loving moments today? That it is okay if today you don’t feel all warm and fuzzy all day? That is okay if you have a moment or two where you just don’t feel like how you are “supposed” to feel today? That it is okay if your child also doesn’t feel that way today?

That it is understood if you snap or yell today?

Give yourself grace when you do – if you do. Holidays can be tough. We all can make them easier by loving ourselves more through them – and loving our kids more through them too.Even though holidays can be exciting for our kids – they can tough as heck too. So offer them grace too when they meltdown today. I am mean, power to them – our kids comfortably meltdown and say without saying, “I am having a hard time and I need a break,” but it is harder for us adults to.

So let’s take their lead – when they meltdown, lets join them in getting to a better place. You might not be having a meltdown at the same time as them, but I guarantee that the environment of the day is slowly getting on your nervous system and prepping you to feel overwhelmed. Taking a break will not only help your child, it will help you too, preemptively.

It will literally help you AND it will change the way you look at your child’s meltdown which will make you feel less annoyed and more patient and less inclined to yell. New perspective: “Wait, my child’s meltdown is a chance for us both to do something good for our bodies. Thank you child for the meltdown and showing me how you feel and how I might be feeling too!”

So when your child is melting down today, or when you are, or when you feel you are getting close to yelling, do something, but not just anything, do something together!

Take a nap together.

Go for a walk outside together.

Get some silence in a quiet room together.

Drinking cold water together.

Knead dough together.

Watch the fire together and listen to the flickering.

Talk together about the day.

Do a puzzle or color together.

Run around and take silly pictures with the self timer (super fun game and way to get good pictures btw.)

You will both be better for it and hey, bonus…you will connect and create a wonderful moment at the same time, so win, win.

Here’s to feeling grateful for any wonderful moments today, whether a lot or a little. (And if they are legit none, here’s to feeling grateful that it is one day, perhaps one meal, and knowing that we can get through it.)

Thinking of you all today. Feeling grateful for so much this year, but mostly for all the wonderful moments you have created for me.

Nov

2022

The Thanksgiving I Yelled at My Kids

Posted on November 23, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Unfortunately, before I started my Orange Rhino Challenge to go 365 days straight without yelling at my four boys, then ages five and under, the “Not-so-Great” Thanksgiving of 2010 happened. Oh how I wish that I decided to teach myself to “Yell Less, Love More” before that turkey day for then this story wouldn’t still be stuck in my memory because it wouldn’t have happened in the first place! Nope, all the lessons I learned on my 520 days straight of not yelling would have come in to place and prevented me from ruining that Thanksgiving with my relentless yelling. Sigh. Oh well. Here’s how it went down, literally.

* * * * *

I don’t like turkey.
Or cranberry sauce.
Or any of the foods that one typically serves on Thanksgiving for that matter.

Except well, for the white stuff: bread, butter, mashed potatoes, and more butter! But I love Thanksgiving Day. I love making a big, roaring fire and then cuddling up with my boys to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I love “oohing and ahhing” over all the floats together and sharing stories with my boys about when I was a kid and couldn’t wait to watch the Parade. I love sitting down to eat and first having cranberry juice with rainbow sherbet and telling my boys that this is a tradition passed down from my great-grandmother.

Oh, there is just so much to love on Thanksgiving Day.
And yet, I hated Thanksgiving 2010 because I ruined it.

I ruined it by yelling, big-time. Over a picture. A freakin’ picture. Seriously?! Yes, seriously. As soon as the parade wrapped up, I deemed that it was therefore the perfect time for the annual “Let’s watch Mom jump up and down and act like a clown to make us smile” holiday card photo shoot. Yes, of course, trying to get James, Edward, and Andrew, then ages, four, three, and one, to sit still and cooperate—after they had just been sitting peacefully and quietly for an hour and just wanted to run outside and play—was the perfect time to ask them to sit still, again. And smile. And keep their hands to themselves. And try to be patient with my constant requests for, “Just one more picture, please?” I knew at the time that I was pushing my luck, given the circumstances and their ages, but yet I still pushed.

As expected, given my picture-taking history, my boys whined when I told them it was picture time. As I geared up to corral them into the living room (and to start offering bribes galore), Andrew took off as usual and ran into—of all rooms—the living room. He jumped onto the couch, laughing hysterically as he crashed into the pillows. James and Edward of course followed suit and all three boys started laughing and tickling each other and having a grand old time. So much so that, when I shouted, “Hey, look at me!” they didn’t realize I had just taken a picture. It was, and still is, one of my favorite pictures in the entire world. The happiness. The love. The joy. The smiles. It melted my heart.

So you think I would have stopped right then, right?
No more pictures needed, right?!
Wrong.

Who needs the “perfect” picture when priceless pictures like this exist?!

I wanted to make sure that I had the best picture. The perfect picture. I wanted to see if I could do better, even though I felt I had just been delivered a miracle. I got greedy, really, really greedy, and I asked, “One more picture, please?” They acquiesced for a few minutes, but understandably soon grew tired of my never-ending demands to sit still and smile. They had behaved wonderfully and cooperatively for so long; now they were done. They had reached their limit and started squirming, whining, pinching each other, and refusing to cooperate. So I started yelling. And I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop because I so badly wanted the perfect picture and I thought that yelling would force them to behave.

“Sit still!” I barked.
“Just one more! Be good!” I whined.
“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO THIS FOR ME?!” I yelled.
And my famous, or rather infamous, Thanksgiving 2010 line:

“It’s Thanksgiving, for cripe’s sake! I would be so grateful for just one good picture. PLEASE! Just smile!” I screamed.

The more I yelled, the more they cried. The more they cried, the worse the pictures were, so the more I yelled. Finally, I gave up and said ever so shamefully and nastily, “That’s it! I have had it. All I wanted was a picture. Thanks for nothing.”

James, Edward, and Andrew then promptly ran out of the room, crying to Daddy and the grandmas. James screamed, “Mommy’s a meany.” Edward sobbed, “I don’t like her.” Andrew just cried and cried, clearly scared by how loud and nasty my voice had gotten. And I went to the bathroom and also cried and cried, feeling all the same thoughts as my kids. I pouted the rest of the day as I felt so mortified and ashamed that I had screamed at my young children for behaving well; ashamed that I had unnecessarily taken my own problem with perfection out on them.

I couldn’t look any of the other adults in the eye for the rest of the day. I felt so sad that my need for the perfect picture pushed me to lose it so horrifically. My guilt and shame then kept me from enjoying the holiday. Thanksgiving is one of the days where I often feel nothing but love, and yet, that year, that year I couldn’t feel it because I had yelled to the point where all I felt was hatred for myself.

The sad thing is, that Thanksgiving wasn’t the only time I felt such anger at myself for yelling at my kids over trying to get a picture. Nope, it had happened many times before. And while I sit here wanting to write that it’s all just because I am a perfectionist and seek perfection in everything I do, that’s a partial cop-out. It goes deeper than that.

Yes, yes, I seek the perfect picture of all my boys looking at the camera, smiling flawlessly and not picking their noses. But it’s not just because I am a perfectionist; it’s also because I am insecure. Oftentimes in life, I seek comfort, confidence, and reassurance that I am living a happy, good life, that I am doing good at this parenting thing, that I have happy children. And well, whenever I feel that way, I find that looking at pictures soothes my insecurities and proves to me that I am doing okay.

If I feel frustrated and down and overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting, I can look at that “perfect” picture and look straight into those gorgeous twinkling eyes and remember that it is all worth it, that my kids are happy and it’s worth the work. If I find myself feeling sad that life is passing by too fast, my kids are growing up too fast, and I feel I have missed out, I can look at that “perfect” picture and remember: no, I didn’t miss it, I was right there and it was wonderful. And if I feel stressed about life in general, then looking at pictures of my family having fun, enjoying a special vacation, enjoying a special holiday, enjoying each other helps soothe my negative mood and move me to a more positive, grateful, happy, and definitely less stressed place.

Pictures bring me comfort by helping me feel secure in this world, and rightfully or wrongfully, I rely on them for this. That is the real reason I push for perfect pictures. I don’t refrain from yelling at my kids during picture time because I want the most beautiful picture ever; it’s because I am afraid that if I don’t get that picture, then I won’t have something to look at when I need it most. I yell at them because of me, because of my insecurities, not because of them and their inability to sit still longer than children their age should.

The Orange Rhino Challenge and all the trigger digging I did helped me to see the real reason I yelled. And by default, it helped me let go and chill out during picture time. Now when I find myself struggling to not yell at my kids when I desperately want a picture, I say to myself,

“Hey, just relax. You’ll get what you get. Don’t push it or you won’t get a thing expect crying kids, an upset you, and therefore a bad picture and a more upset you. It’s not worth it! (Yelling doesn’t work, it just makes things worse!) Remember, it’s not them you are frustrated with; it’s you. They are doing fine, you are causing the stress. Chill out. Just chill out. Remember, the goal isn’t the perfect picture. It’s enjoying the moment. Don’t ruin it by yelling.”

I can happily say that I now enjoy those special moments in my life even more than before because my plight for perfection and my instinct to yell aren’t dampening them. Do I still struggle and have to push myself to let go of perfection at times? Yes. Do I still struggle and have to push myself to “Yell Less, Love More” during trying times? Yes. I am the Orange Rhino, but I am not perfect! But I struggle a lot less and for that I will jump up and down, act like a clown, and do all sorts of crazy things to make me smile and feel good about my progress. Because of all the things I have learned on my Orange Rhino Challenge to Yell Less + L.O.V.E. More, one most definitely is this: the goal is not about perfection; it’s about progress.

And I am making progress, I am yelling less and loving more, and that is what matters to me more than perfection.

This story is from my book, “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids–and How You Can Too!” Part parenting guide, part memoir, part journal, her book takes you on a 30-day journey full of honest stories, alternatives to yelling and steps to follow so that you too can Yell Less. Find more about my book here: www.TheOrangeRhino.com/the-book and join The Orange Rhino Revolution at www.Facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino

Nov

2022

Where The Orange Rhino Went, Part 4: The Aftermath of 2016

Posted on November 21, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Where The Orange Rhino went…
Part 1: The Internet Wins
Part 2: A Second Chance
Part 3: 2016

* * * * *

I will not be sharing much more directly about my divorce out of respect for my children and their father. And well, because that is a past chapter and it is time to focus on the new chapter!

I will say this though, divorce is a loss on so many levels. Lost partner. Lost family. Lost friend and friends. Lost dreams, a lot of dreams. It is a loss that is not truly or widely spoken about. It is often dismissed, the grief that comes with divorce. But let me tell you, it is real and deep and it doesn’t just go away overnight. Or after six years. Grief shows up when you least expect it to and when you don’t want it to.

It shows up in aisle four at Home Goods – when you are shopping to pass the time without your children and you see a serving platter for entertaining and think how perfect it would be, only to remember, “Wait, I no longer have a husband to entertain with or really people to invite over.”

At a soccer game – when it is still early and awkward and uncomfortable and want to share joy over a son’s goal like when you were married.

In the grocery store – when you go to pick up something you used to get for your partner only to remember that ingredient is no longer needed in the house.

When scrolling Facebook – and you see all the 15-year anniversaries, all the odes to wives and memories built and memories to come, and you look at your finger and no longer see your wedding band.

When cleaning up old boxes – and you find the love letters you wrote to each other back in the day and wonder, how did we lose this?

I could go on and on. In the minivan. At the doctor. On the couch watching a movie. You name a place and time, and grief over my divorce has probably come unexpectedly and unwanted. Still.

Yes, the loss of a marriage and the dreams that came with it cuts deep.

And it is more than loss. With the loss of my marriage, came a shitload of shame, and again, more feelings of failure. I felt embarrassed by my divorce, by being divorced. People avoid the subject like it’s the plague. Very few people acknowledged it. And when I tried to talk about it, the conversation was often short. So, I didn’t really talk about it a lot, still don’t fully share the depths of pain and sadness and shame. It was, it still is lonely at times.

I felt like a true failure and honestly, still do. How could I do this to my kids? How could I have not kept my marriage going? How come I am the only one I know who doesn’t know how to have a successful marriage? How come I couldn’t keep the one thing going I dreamed of in my life for so long? How come I couldn’t make it work?

My divorce gutted me and somedays I feel like the knife is still in there, twisting away, even though it was the right thing for us and our family. Truly.

But that doesn’t take away the pain.

And it certainly didn’t give me strength back in 2016 when I was trying to return to being The Orange Rhino. Or in 2017. Or in 2018.

While I started to feel better in 2018 and really pondered getting back to writing, I had come to the point where I worried it was the point of no return. You know what I mean? The point when someone calls you and you forget to call them back and then too much time has passed and you feel bad/weird/awkward calling? (Or is that just a me thing?)

I didn’t know how to come back AND I was scared to come back. Scared of looking silly for disappearing, scared of more negative comments, scared of well, let’s be honest, writing.

This past summer. I was enjoying the beautiful day, walking along, looking at the flowers and the blue sky, feeling the warm sun against my face when all of a sudden, bamn! I was crying. Something was said in the podcast that triggered a totally unrelated thought. I was crying because it hit me – not only did I not show up as The Orange Rhino because I didn’t know how to after so many years, but also, to be brutally honest, I was more than empty inside back then, part of me had felt dead inside.

The part that was alive was mustering up all energy it could to be the best parent that I could be in the moment, under the circumstances. The part that was alive was just trying to survive, just trying to stay afloat. The part of me that was alive was friggin’ exhausted. To say the very least. And the part of me that was alive, damn well knew that if I started journaling, if I started writing about my pain and sadness and grief, that I would sink.

I couldn’t afford to sink. I had to be present for my lovely, loving boys. I simply had to keep so much bottled up so that I get out of bed every day, so that I could show up. I simply could not admit to my full range of feelings or I wouldn’t be able to show up in the way I wanted or in the way my kids needed.

Now mind you, the way I was showing up wasn’t even that beautiful. But I showed up. And I learned what the word “grace” really meant and what the saying “I am doing the best I can in this moment, right now, that I can” really meant.

I used that word and that saying, consistently. And I showed up, consistently. (And maybe that is why that parenting advice about being consistent with boundaries and rules and consequences and all bothers me – because sometimes just being consistent in showing up is a feat in itself, a feat worthy of being honored.)

But, with all of this sh*t bottled up, and despite giving myself grace and knowing I was doing my best? the part that was alive and showing up? Well, I was yelling. There were days that I didn’t honestly even have the energy to change or care because I was yelling as little as I could and that was my best – in the moment. After the negative comments about my ability to not yell,

So yeah, writing scared me. Writing meant truths would come out and I didn’t want to face them. I didn’t want to write about my yelling given the commentary about me being a fraud and a failure and I didn’t want to write about my aching heart, my broken spirit, my grief. So, I avoided writing like the plague, just as talking about my divorce was ignored, perhaps even more. But I avoided more than writing. I avoided The Orange Rhino altogether.

Writing is only part of The Orange Rhino world. I could have very easily have showed up and posted old tips, old stories. I could have very easily have still supported all of you and enjoyed that immensely. Except for one thing, one major road block.

The Orange Rhino didn’t just remind me of someone who is determined and choosing not to charge with words, but to remain calm, loving and warm when provoked and triggered. No, at that point in time, The Orange Rhino reminded me of all the harsh words that had been thrown at me and it readily reminded me of my marriage and well, now my divorce.

My EH was woven into so many memories of The Orange Rhino. The note he wrote after I completed day 1 of not yelling. The orange flowers I received on day 365 of not yelling. The frequent texts reminding me I could do it, that I just had to get the kids to school and then the day would be easier (oh did mornings suck when they were little!!) The book launch party when “Yell Less, Love More” came out. The time in our lives when we were a family of six. My marriage ended as The Orange Rhino community had already slowly started fading. The two endings were infused together in my mind. How could I return to one, when the other I couldn’t return to? So, again, fear won and I stayed away.

I even stayed away from the color orange for a long while. Truly hated seeing it. I hated seeing my book, The Orange Rhino image, my blog. As I sit here now, writing, figuring it all out as I type, I think it was easier to hate the color orange than it was to focus on what I hated about my divorce. I could close the door on The Orange Rhino and be done. I couldn’t close all doors to my EH because we still co-parent together. So, I closed The Orange Rhino door, kind of.

The Orange Rhino wouldn’t let that door fully slam shut. Instead, The Orange Rhino stayed in my mind and quietly listened and just wouldn’t leave me be, even when I wanted it to! I wanted to shut down the blog, but couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to throw out the orange clothes, but something made me hold on. I wanted to let go of the trademark on The Orange Rhino, but part of me refused. No, The Orange Rhino firmly and confidently remained on my mind all these years, even after all the negativity I threw around. Yes, The Orange Rhino confidently remained calm, patient and loving despite being triggered and provoked by me.

Whoa! Hhmm, I just freakin’ realized that. Goosebumps, seriously. Full circle moment and I am at a loss for words. The Orange Rhino, Orange Rhino’d me!

So, I guess, The Orange Rhino never really left after all. The Orange Rhino stayed so that when I was ready, I could stop yelling at myself and my life so much.

So that I could return energized and determined to remain calm, loving and warm when provoked by my children and now also, when provoked by my life and…myself.

AND so that I could return to this amazing community. Thank you for still being here and for reading my story, for giving me a place to put it. I feel better already just getting it out. I feel lighter and freer. Again, thank you.

Nov

2022

Where The Orange Rhino Went, Part 3: 2016

Posted on November 21, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

If you missed it…
Part One: Internet Wins
Part Two: A Second Chance

* * * * *

Since 2015, I have felt guilty and disappointed and ashamed for just basically dropping The Orange Rhino blog and community. I don’t quit when the going gets tough, it just isn’t me. I might take little breaks, but I don’t quit (unless it is a bad situation to be in.) Except here I basically did.

For seven years, The Orange Rhino has been in my head, nagging me with her presence, taunting me with her presence. Not like she did in my early Orange Rhino days when I was trying to not yell – then, then her presence was welcomed. Then she would say kind things like, “You got this! You can do this without yelling! I believe in you. It’s possible. Way to go! You did it!”

No, no, no, I wish this is what The Orange Rhino had been saying to me these last seven years!

But no, the last seven years? Well, she didn’t say anything mean per say, she just has hung out silently while my brain yelled at her not so nicely for she, me, didn’t have the energy and determination to charge forward with confidence towards, well, anything! So, the negative thoughts came and came and came…

There were the ones about being a quitter…
“Why are you quitting? You don’t quit.
Come on, just write again. Do it already.
Are you really going to let all your hard work just go?”

I tried so hard to challenge this narrative but it was really hard to because well, the evidence at the time was that I indeed, was a quitter. So, these negative thoughts about being a quitter stayed and kept me away.

And there were the ones about essentially being a loser…

“Are you really going to let those nasty comments get to you?
Just let them go already. Why can’t you? What’s wrong with you?
Maybe those book reviews and comments were right. Maybe you are ridiculous. Maybe you have nothing good to offer, nothing good to share.
Maybe those emails from the non-supporters were right, you share too much negative stuff about your life.

You are not an inspiration, you just bring people down.”

I tried so hard to challenge this narrative too, but unfortunately, I truly believed most of the thoughts because well, the commenters weren’t far off – I didn’t have anything to offer. Forget not being able to offer the “right” content they were seeking, I couldn’t offer anything because I was EMPTY inside. Freakin’ empty. I had nothing to give. I had nothing inspiring to say. I couldn’t even inspire myself to not be a quitter, how could I inspire anyone else? And I was learning in real time that sharing about my true feelings about what was going on in my life made people leave, so I certainly didn’t want to offer up my truths here and lose out more. So those negative thoughts about being a loser stayed and kept me away.

And then, then there were the negative thoughts about being a fake, a phony, a failure.

“Why are you yelling again? Why can’t you stop? Don’t you even care?
You wrote a book about not yelling and here you are, not following your own book.
You are a failure.
You are a letdown.
You are a FRAUD.”

And these thoughts? These thoughts I couldn’t challenge at all. They were loud and were being yelled at me constantly. Why? Why did they have such power? Because there was one comment out there, one comment that hit me on such a deep, personal level that it ever-so-easily latched on to my own thoughts, just giving them more staying power. That comment? It more or less was,

“even The Orange Rhino can’t actually stop yelling. She said she could, but she couldn’t. Go here and read how she failed at her own goal.”

Blech. This comment? This made me feel like a freakin’ fraud in a way I never had; it made me feel worthless. Why did this hit me so personally compared to all the other negative comments out there you ask?

Well, the person who wrote what they did, who shamed me for yelling again, didn’t know why I finally broke and yelled.

They didn’t know the real deep, painful and personal reason why after 520 days of not yelling, I “broke.” They didn’t know I was broken at the time. They didn’t know the heavy secret I was carrying, the struggle I was having, the immense pain I was in on day 520 and that I still felt in 2015 when they made the comment.

Oh, and they also clearly didn’t read my book title or my book which was about self-forgiveness and how being perfect isn’t the goal and that at the end of the day, it is all about yelling less and loving more. (Nope, not bitter lol)

No, this commenter didn’t know that the reason I yelled on day 520, and the reason why I couldn’t find the strength or determination or confidence to rise above all of my negative thinking and the negative comments out there was because…not only was I already feeling like a pretty failure in the Orange Rhino world – I was “failing” at keeping my blog and book alive, I was “failing” at continuing to not yell, I was “failing” at providing the right content and meeting readers expectations – but also I was “failing” at

My marriage.
My marriage was failing.

And I was devastated.
And my soul was destroyed.
And I barely had the strength to show up for my kids.

So yeah, the comment pierced me to my core. My feelings of being a fraud, a fake, a phony, a failure just escalated. It was as if I someone kicked me while I was already down. No kind of, actually, that is exactly what happened. I was down on the ground from the weight of the marriage boulder I told you all had grown a little in 2013 but that now in 2015, it had grown a lot. I was just too afraid to tell you all then, because well, I didn’t want to admit that the boulder was so big. I wanted in to be a little pebble I carried around.

But it wasn’t. It was heavy and obvious and couldn’t be missed. It couldn’t even be tripped over. It made you fall down. Repeatedly.

That heavy marriage boulder wasn’t the only thing keeping me down. I did my best to get up, to move forward with confidence, but every time I literally tried to be The Orange Rhino – for the sake of my sons, myself, and my family, something in life made it harder. Something would happen that needed all my energy and attention and focus…something that made it hard to take care of myself, to warmly manage my reactions. My son was really sick. Then I tore my ACL, got a blood clot, and literally needed to learn to walk again. Then my other son needed more support from me.

And then finally, after my struggling kiddo was doing better and I was walking more confidently, it all came crumbling down. My feet were knocked out from beneath me

My body, my marriage, had held together long enough to get my youngest through his medical stuff and my other through his stuff, and me through my physical stuff. But it was over.

My marriage was over.

My now ex-husband moved out in April 2016.

I know divorce is far too common so maybe saying that I am divorced and that is my big “story” seems like nothing. But let me tell you, it isn’t. Unless you have walked in the path of being divorced, or had a front row seat of someone going through a divorce (and even then, it isn’t a full experience) it is hard to fully grasp the depth of pain that can come from a divorce – even one that is mutually decided on.

Yes, our decision to divorce was mutual. It was the right choice for us. We worked really hard for several years to get our marriage to where we each wanted and needed it to be. But we both ultimately knew that our kids deserve two happy parents and we could both best be happy and be the best parents we could each be by no longer living as a married couple, but by living separate lives.

And yet, oh does it fuckin’ hurt even to this day. Six years later this month.

My ex-husband (EH) moved out on a Friday late in the month. I still remember that night way too vividly. Not the part where we told the kids – that is a blur, a moment not to be remembered. But the moment when he officially left our house for his new place, when he walked into the garage and into his car. I stood by the hood of my dirty minivan watching him get in his car, slowly backing out of the garage. When I heard the click of the garage door starting to come down, I too came down, but much more violently. I collapsed down onto the hood and pounded it while the tears began to pour out of me. My face became covered in dirt from the car as I screamed “Don’t leave. Don’t leave. Please don’t leave!” Even though it was a joint decision, it was painful nonetheless and even that is an understatement. I slid down the hood and fell into a heap on the garage floor, landing right besides three bags of trash. Which is exactly how I felt in that moment. Like trash. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. And then it hit me, “I have no one to even help me up off the ground. I am alone. I am all alone.”

Turns out I wasn’t alone.

Bless my childrens’ hearts who at the time were 9, 7, 6 and 4. I went to bed that night – all alone in a huge king bed – except that I wasn’t. There were two little bodies in it when I got there J And when I woke up, four little bodies had brought me breakfast in bed. Breakfast of champions I might add. Strawberries, blackberries and raspberries with whipped cream and they even attempted to make me coffee. Breakfast even came with a cut out heart with their names on it. It was impossible not to cry, but happy tears this time! They brought breakfast for them too, popcorn! Then they all got in bed and my oldest said,

“We thought you might want to watch one of your movies this morning. So, we decided to watch Frozen with you.”

And at that moment, like Olaf does when the sun comes out, my heart melted. The love these boys showered me with that moment, even when they too were writhing with pain and sadness and confusion, will never be forgotten.

Part 4: The Aftermath of 2016

Nov

2022

Where The Orange Rhino Went, Part 2: A Second Chance

Posted on November 20, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

(Here is Part 1 from November 10 if you missed it!)

Part of ensuring that I am more likely to respond with a warm voice instead of a harsh yell is to ensure that I do not carry a lot of sh*t around with me. Like my dog Hope, I am freer and happier when I let that sh*t go. So it is important to me, as I fully re-engage here in The Orange Rhino community that I fully share why I started disappearing in 2015. Today is the day because I have had enough of carrying it around for seven years.

But first, I am an organized person and feel the need to just put a quick timeline in place for perspective.

2012: The Orange Rhino Challenge to not yell for 365 days starts and this community is born!
2013: I celebrate one year not yelling in February; five months later in July, I yell.

2014: “Yell Less, Love More” comes out – along with lovely support from you all and negative not-so-support from those who don’t know my style or my blog or my background.

2015: I start disappearing.
2016: I really disappear.
2017 – 2018: I really want to come back…but just can’t find the ability to do so.

2019 – 2021: I really, REALLY, want to come back, I tell myself, but still can’t find my way. Something was holding me back, keeping me from the key board. I know that part of the reason was that if I dared to write, I would write about 2016 and I wasn’t ready to fully acknowledge that year of my life. I couldn’t. Just couldn’t.

2022: I finally start to realize through years of therapy and self-reflection, that The Orange Rhino, while a positive place that I want to be, also started carrying some real negative memories and has some real negative ties to it. It almost became a slightly traumatic place for me as it triggered some of my little traumas in life and has ties to something that happened in 2016.

September 2022: The Orange Rhino returns.

November 2022: I announce the upcoming release of my audio version of my book. Which is exciting and scary as hell based on what happened in 2014/2015. But I also see it as a gift from the universe. I learned in April 2022 that it might happen. I was shocked. My book hasn’t been selling as much because well duh, I haven’t kept the community going for seven years! Why now? The answer basically was, why not? My publishing company has a new approach for creating audio books and somehow, lucky me, Yell Less and Love More was chosen.

For seven years at this point, I have been wanting to get back to The Orange Rhino. Seven years of wanting to do something, but not. Seven years of fear and regret. Seven years of not being able to find the strength to show up, not being able to find the courage to overcome the negative memories. Oh, so many negative memories embedded in The Orange Rhino.

And then, voila! A true, honest to goodness gift from the Universe.

A second chance. Repeat. A. Second. Chance.

A chance to come back as The Orange Rhino.
A chance to come back and face my history and no longer let it suck my energy out.
A chance to come back and take control over how The Orange Rhino story goes.

A chance to come back and no longer regret how my book release went in 2014, no longer regret dropping the ball and the community after the book released, because, I now have…

A better chance to keep the energy going after this audiobook release because I am now better equipped to do so emotionally.

Oh, and lest I forget, I also have…

A chance to come back and keep growing as a person, keep learning how to not let negative comments get to me, keep learning how to remember the positive, keep learning how to love myself more so I can yell less at my kids.

A chance to come back to an amazing, supportive community.

AND a chance to really get back to not yelling so much.

I have always believed in second chances. And I am grateful for this one. This second chance has given me the strength – it has forced me to acknowledge the last seven years and move forward from them.

Halleluiah because these last seven years – while many, many wonderful things have happened – they have also held me back. Or did they? Perhaps they didn’t hold me back, but allowed me to stand still, get some roots down and grow?

Which leaves me with another tip to yell less: change the narrative! Note I didn’t say ignore the negative. See the negative. Feel it. Allow it to be real. And then as soon as you are ready (which might not be immediately and that is okay!), change it so that it doesn’t change your mood and your ability to respond warmly when triggered.

These last seven years have been cruddy…AND incredible.

These last seven years I didn’t move forward as I hoped in some areas…but I learned a lot staying still that will propel me forward now.

These last seven years I yelled more than I liked…but I also taught my kids a lot about forgiveness to others and ourselves. I taught them about how being imperfect is okay. I taught them about how my yelling isn’t because of them, but me. I taught them that while yelling isn’t okay, it does happen and what happens afterwards is super important.

And, I taught them, am teaching them, that it is never too late to do something. It is never too late to change. To go after a goal. To try again. To keep trying. I am teaching them to be determined. I am teaching them to be warm and calm to THEMSELVES when provoked by others.

In other words, I am teaching them to be Orange Rhinos, and isn’t that ultimately the goal?!

Thanks for reading and being here, Part 2 is coming. It turns out I have too much too say hahahaha.

Here’s to telling yourself a positive narrative today, about yourself, your life, your children, and your childrens’ behaviors! (A narrative switch for today. Switch “my child isn’t listening or behaving” to “My child is having a hard time listening and ‘behaving,’ there must be a reason, something is making it hard.” Then work together to figure it out and if you can’t, work together to lighten the mood – laugh, play, sing, dance, watch the dog go to the bathroom and trot away, whatever works!

* * * * *

“Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!” available where you buy books! Audiobook coming in January 2023.