Tag Archives: Self-Doubt

One Year Without Alcohol: What I’ve Learned About Sobriety

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1 year (and 1 week) of no alcohol. Honestly, I never thought I would be sharing that. I never thought I’d be setting a goal to stop drinking. I mean sure, I gave up alcohol four times during my pregnancies and when I nursed, but that was different. I knew that was short lived. And honestly, life was less stressful then. I didn’t crave alcohol back then. There were so many times this year when I didn’t think I would make it through the year. As recently as December.

“Screw it,” I thought to myself just weeks ago. “I’ve made it this far, I’m just having a drink. I need it.”

“Nope Sheil. Same logic. You’ve made it this far. Keep going. One more day. Have hot chocolate instead. Have a tonic and lime. Rim a glass with sugar and pour in cranberry seltzer. Anything else to relax. You don’t actually need a drink to feel better.”

It wasn’t easy.

Saying no to the quick fix when life got loud.
Staying present in the hard moment instead of numbing.
Being in certain situations where drinks were normal.
Margaritas poolside.
Red wine by the fire.
Cosmos at my favorite restaurant.
Gin and tonics on Friday nights.
Realizing how much I missed alcohol and wanting to feel better (which really meant, it was the right decision to be walking away from it not just for a year, but in general…which really meant acknowledging it was indeed, an issue.)
Feeling isolated in social situations, being the one not drinking.
Or being ignored at a restaurant once the waitress realizes your bill will be less because you aren’t ordering alcohol. (That was fascinating.)

So yeah this past year wasn’t easy.

But I did it.

One no to the drink, one yes to my goal, at a time. And it feels good. On so many levels. Better sleep. Better skin 🙂 Better health. More self-confidence. Only area for improvement? The taste lol. Definitely need to find more options! It doesn’t taste so good!! Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support along the way. They have meant so much. And congrats to all of you in this community who are on a similar journey and also going one moment, one step at a time!

I have a lot more to say on this topic and am curious if there is interest 🙂 It kinda reminds me of another topic I wrote about years ago. A taboo topic where people wanted to talk about it, but also were hesitant too. Send me a DM or drop a comment if interested.

Sending my warmth to you on this Wednesday,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What My Broken Fireplace Taught Me About Coming Back to Life, Differently

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I know many of you can relate to the state of my fireplace. On the surface, it is “broken” and unable to be used. The inside needs repair in order to function safely. And yet, it isn’t actually broken. Neither are we. When I bought this house 18 years ago, we decided not to fix it.

“We won’t ever use this fireplace.”
“The other one is more important.”
“The other one will get more use.”
“Other things need more fixing.”
“We will get around to it someday.”
Hmm…sound familiar?!

The ashes from fires built years before? They’re still there. Literally never even cleaned them out. The fireplace sat, dirty, sooty-ish for years. Never used, just looked at. Last year, I moved the dining room into this room (which was the living room) and decided I had enough. The fireplace needed to come back to life, one way or another. It needed to find warmth again. It needed to flicker again. It needed to glow again.

It, I, had enough of just sitting, not doing what it was meant to do. Restoring it to how it originally worked? Not an option. Finding a new path? Totally an option. Hello battery operated flickering candles. Thank you for doing the job! I have felt like this fireplace. Broken. Without flicker. Wondering how I will come back to life and function the way I feel I was meant to. I longed to return to my “glory days” the way I “used to” function.

But the thing is I am no longer that person. Returning to “her” isn’t entirely possible. Even if I could, the return would be different. Similar core, but still different. Accepting this hasn’t been easy.

But alas, here I am. Flickering, differently. Same body, same goal of bringing warmth and feeling it myself, different type of flicker, different way of achieving the flicker. Curious to know…how many of you can relate? Where are you in your fireplace journey? Feeling broken? (So not alone there my friends!) Still figuring out your candle equivalent? (It takes time and yeah, being patient kinda stinks.) Flickering fully? (Do tell! Share, share, share!) Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always and especially if you are feeling more broken than flickering right now. I hope warmth finds you today, perhaps in knowing others in this community feel the same. I’ve been there. I still feel that some days too. I see you. I feel with you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Five Words I Keep Journaling Until I Actually Listen

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I kept coming back to the same three thoughts yesterday. I sat outside, journaling in hopes of finding clarity. Sometimes when I journal, I give myself prompts, questions, to help guide me and uncover how I’m really feeling. Other times, I just write and see what comes out.

Yesterday, the same words kept coming out. Thinking I should start listening to them and I don’t know, do something to act on them?! Those words were: Live. Lighter. Help. Regret. Give.

I want to wake up excited that my day holds opportunities to give and help others, especially those who have been in my shoes; especially those who feel unseen, misunderstood, alone and doubting if it will get better or if they will get through the day. (News splash…it will and you will, it just might not be wrapped up in a pretty, perfect, package and just as you expected.) I want to wake up and know that I am going to really live – live fully, live freely; live aligned and live alive.

No more going through the day just taking random steps or doing what I think I should do. Nope.
I want to take intentional steps as often as possible because I remember what matters to me.
I want to take steps that take me towards the life I want to live and the me I want to be.
I want to go through the day feeling light because I didn’t let the weight of the day get to me or hold me back and especially not weigh me day.
I want to go to sleep without feeling shame or regret.
I don’t want to feel shame for how I acted; towards others, towards myself, towards my goals.
I don’t want to regret not being present because of how I acted (or didn’t act.)
It’s a tall order, all of these things. But is it? I don’t think it actually is. We can’t get to where we want to be without knowing where we want to go. This is where I want to go.

This is how I want to start my day, go through my day and end my day. Oh, and I want to do it all with the knowledge that it won’t always go this way, not even close. Nope. Not even close.

So I also want to go through the day with the reminder to just go with the flow, the best I can, knowing that the ups and downs, the grays and oranges, are all part of the day. And, I want to go through the day with a little nudge in my side reminding me of all of this because I keep forgetting it!!! For real. I keep friggin’ forgetting what matters to me. My mind is so overwhelmed and on overdrive and on automatic that I just go and don’t stop and audit and remember to ask…

WAIT. Is that what I want? Is this where I want to be? Is this moving me towards where I want to go? I don’t forget because I’m broken. And no, perimenopause and my ADHD aren’t helping. Neither are the demands of life.

But honestly, I forget because I’m human and it is easy to forget if I don’t make remembering a priority. LOL. Oh the irony. I have to remember to remember…what matters. OOF. As if. SO yeah. Working on a way to do just that.

Because I’m tired of ending the day and thinking, wondering, wtf?! Where did the day go? Was it a good day? Do I feel good about the day?

Because I’m tired of ending the day and feeling…yet again…like I’m not seizing the day, seizing the time I have with myself, my family, this life. I’m not talking hustle culture ladies. I’m talking heart-led culture. I’m talking following my heart to live the life I know I want and that is okay to want. There is so much unspoken pressure to not say, to not feel, that we want more.

Well, I want more. Not more things, but more from my day and from myself. I’m okay saying that. I need to say it more. In fact, I want to yell it from the roof tops. I don’t want to settle and just walk like a robot through my days. I want to skip. I want to jump. I want to twirl. I want to sit when I need to, when I want to. I don’t want to be on autopilot with shame or regret in the passenger seats. I want to be really connected to my goals and what matters to me, personally, professionally and as a parent.

I don’t want to lose sight of those goals. I want them to drive my day. Period. And I know I have to start standing stronger in that voice if I want to get out of autopilot. I have to stop feeling ashamed for wanting more and for having goals. It is absolutely okay to feel this way! I used to yell at my kids too much. I used to yell at myself too much. I still yell a little bit at all of us…always a work in progress, far from perfect.

But now, now I’m going to yell, as in to speak loudly, about what matters to me, so I hear loud and clear, and don’t forget. At least that is my goal;) –> What about you? –>What would you yell about, loud and clearly so you don’t forget?! –>What matters most to you that keeps getting pushed aside? Need help remembering? Just know that as you ponder these questions, you aren’t the only one wondering or struggling with them…and I’m not just talking about me!

Lots of us are. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post hit a loving, sore nerve. Thinking of you extra. Tell me how I can help you, for real.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Doing the Scary Thing Anyway: What I’m Learning About Confidence

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***Am I really going to press post?! Yep. It’s April and April is for being audacious…in a positive way. Here goes nothing!***

So, I did a thing recently and last night, oh last night I was starting to question myself…big time. Discomfort rolled in and rolled over me. Self-doubt tried to flatten me.

And then, then I remembered what I wrote earlier in the day – my word of the month for April: AUDACIOUS. Ladies, let’s be AUDACIOUS this month. Yep, I want people to say “the audacity of her!” I want ME to say, “the audacity of you! GO YOU!” And so, so I share this message with this picture. I haven’t shared it because I was embarrassed by it. It feels too, well, not me, right? Too glamorous. It’s bold. It’s courageous to share it.

It’s out of my comfort zone. And so, so I share it with you all as a first step in being a little more audacious this month…

Now to post before I don’t – and then to come back and explain more;) Okay, it’s posted and I’m back. So the thing I did? I joined a group of women to support each other in building our companies. I’ve fully accepted I can’t do it alone. I need the mental, intellectual and communal support. There is nothing better than being surrounded by people who get you, fully see you, and lift you up. Asking people who don’t get you, your dreams, your challenges, for support can be defeating, soul-sucking and create more obstacles to growth.

Been there. Done that. Rinsed and repeated. No More. The bold part? The group I joined is a bunch of women way, and I mean, way younger than me. Hotter than me too. Like, these ladies, no kids yet. Youth is on their side. Energy is on their side. Time is on their side. I am intimidated by them for all those reasons. I don’t fit it. AT ALL. This scared me at first. I almost didn’t say yes.

And then I realized…I could learn so much from what I am afraid of. I could gain so much from their energy, their youthfulness, their knowledge. There is a saying, that I will now destroy lol, that you are a sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. There is so much truth to it. More loosely, who you surround yourself with – their mindset, their energy, their attitudes, their outlooks etc.. – they are indeed, and scientifically proven, contagious.

Choose wisely. Choose BOLDLY. Make choices that will brighten your day, lift your spirits, help you not just chase your dreams, but get you closer to your dreams. Make choices that will leave you feeling lighter at the end of the day, not heavier. Make choices that will help you break through any and all obstacles you face so that you can live the life you want, you need, you deserve. It’s April. Be Audacious. Be Bold.

Be Courageous. Be Bright. Feel lighter as a result.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you aren’t feeling it today. Your strength lies within you every day, some days more so than others.

But everyday, everyday it is there, growing or re-building. I believe in you. I believe in all of us.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

How The Orange Rhino Grew From Yelling Less to a Bigger Life Question

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Welcome to the new followers! I thought I would go back in time and do a little recap of where I started and how I got here today. Original O.R.’s…please fill in the blanks in the comments with any key information I might have missed. And don’t worry – I’m still gonna sneak in new nuggets in this post so it will have value to everyone who knows the history 😉

Way back in 2012 I started The Orange Rhino Challenge® which was my promise to my 4 boys, then ages 5 and under, to go 365 days straight without yelling at them. Turns out, I went 520 days! Three top things I did:

  1. I tracked when I yelled so I could find patterns and solutions
  2. I did all sorts of sensory type things to calm my body when I felt a “yell” coming on like splashing cold water on my phase, jumping jacks, dancing, getting out in nature
  3. I realized that so much of why I yelled had more to do with my anxiety or state of mind than it did my kids so I started using the phrase “at least” to change my perspective (at least it was a plastic jug of milk that spilled and not glass!) I did other things too but that was a favorite!

In the end, I realized that the real upside to learning to stop yelling was that not only did I no longer go to sleep hating myself and feeling immense shame, but I now went to sleep feeling more peace and happiness because I loved myself, my life and time with my kids more. Everything I was doing to yell less was making my life all around better!

Yelling wasn’t the real problem. It was a symptom. The kids weren’t the problem either. I was the problem, said with so, so much love. The way I was responding to life was the problem. And it wasn’t because I was broken or a bad person – it was simply because I didn’t yet have the skills or knowledge or awareness to know how to do better.

So anywho, on March 23, 2013 I went viral with an article on Huffington Post called, “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids.” A book deal came from that and “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino® Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids and How You Can Too” was born in 2014.

I could barely launch it as my youngest son got very sick. Then my oldest got sick. And then my marriage died. My confidence and so many other personal pieces of me that helped me to yell less died alongside my marriage. I started yelling again. It was awful. I felt like an imposter. I felt like a failure. Mostly, I felt alone, lost, scared. I felt unsure, disconnected and disappointed. How did I get to that point?! How had my life turned out this way? How had I become this person again?

The self-ridicule, self-doubt, self-hate rolled back in and rolled in hard. It planted its roots and stayed for a nice long while. UGH. 2016 to 2022 were hard years. That’s a big chunk of time, isn’t it?! I kinda don’t like seeing that on screen. That’s really hard to admit. I mean, 2016 to 2018 was the divorce so that makes sense. But then four more years? Okay, throw covid in there and that makes more sense and… WAIT why do I have to justify having a good chunk of hard years? I don’t. Life is just hard sometimes.

The weight of those years started taking a toll – on my body, my spirit and my mind. That shame I felt in 2012? When I yelled too much? It was back. Now it was shame that I wasn’t fully enjoying life, or even just enjoying it like I hoped to. I was a shell of the person I used to be and was a shell of the person I knew I could be. I hit a few breaking points that tried to rally me but didn’t work. 

Then in February 2022, I had a doctor’s appointment that woke me up. If an appointment can slap you in the face, this one did. Oh did it slap me hard.

ENOUGH Sheila. Open your eyes. Life is beautiful and you’re kinda missing it and I know you don’t want to be. I love black and white photos, and there is a place for gray in life and in home decor 😉 but me? I was done living a life without color. I made a choice that day. I chose to tell myself over and over and over again, “Girl, YOU CAN DO THIS. You can overcome all of these challenges that the world is throwing at you. You can live a life full of gray and still live a life full of color.”

I had already slowly started taking bigger steps forward, out of my stuck place. Now, my steps have become more intentional.

No more regrets.
No more feeling like I missed out.
No more being in an “eh” place.

Yes more love.
Yes more loving myself.
Yes more loving my life.
Yes more loving time with my kids.
Yes to really, truly, focusing and figuring out.

What do I need to live a colorful life again? What lights me up inside? What makes me laugh, smile? What do I dream of? What do I long for?

And the big ones, What is missing? Where do I find it? How do I find it? What is weighing me down the most? What is the heaviest on my heart, my mind that is holding me back and keeping me stuck? Keeping me from all of the above?

And the BIGGEST one, Okay, and now, you know the answers, how do you get there? The final answer? I needed to return to The Orange Rhino! The community that when I was actively a part of, I had a pep in my step and more peace in my heart. The Orange Rhino gave me connection, community, strength, support, and so much more.

So here I am, returned. I might not write directly about yelling anymore BUT and this is a big one, everything is about yelling! Yelling was never the real problem. My skills, the way I responded to life’ s challenges were the problem.

Because when I’m in a good place, when I’m doing all the things I’ve worked hard on the last couple of years, I’m strong like a rhino and I can peacefully handle most triggers than come my way…without yelling. I still yell. I’m human. I’m not meant to be perfect.

But I don’t yell at myself over and over and over again for it. That just makes it worse and leads to years of yelling, eh hem example 2016 – 2019 😉 Thanks for reading; you have the patience of someone who can indeed yell less 😉 Sending my warmth and my strength, today and always, and especially if you too might be working to live a life with a little more color in it.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Seven Things I’m Working On to Build a Life I Actually Want to Live

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Just a refresher…I’m taking some time with my boys for a few days, 7 to be exact. I’m trying to get in some last minute summer memories before the chaos of school starts. I decided to try planned posts for the first time to help me focus on being “away.” I looked at a bunch of pictures I recently took and the stories behind them to see if there was a theme, and lo and behold, yep. The theme is not surprising at all: 7 goals I have to help me live the life I’ve longed to live.

One big goal? I want to be more courageous; live with less fear, more confidence. In my eyes, Rhinos are courageous and confident. They aren’t afraid to charge when needed. I too, want to go after what I want more, to be less afraid. I’ve known for most of my life that I’ve avoided things out of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of succeeding. Fear of being teased. Fear of this, fear of that.

Shortly before returning I realized in therapy how tired I was of living a life in fear.
How tired I was of keeping my opinions to myself.
Of not standing up for myself just to keep the peace.
Of not believing in myself like I used to.
Of not going after my dreams, just because…of fear.
Of how tired I was of HOLDING MYSELF BACK.

I wanted, want, to be more courageous and have thicker skin (like a Rhino.) I wanted (want) to learn how to take things less personally; to let things roll off my back more. Returning to The Orange Rhino was the start of this.

It was the start of facing fears and overcoming them. I’ve made progress on the more courageous, more confident, less afraid front, but have ways to go. That’s okay. Baby steps. I mean these posts? They are taking courage 😉 They are new and different for me. Stepping out of my normal zone lol. And not sure if they are working, but I’m still trying.

As for these roses, it was a risk and it’s working. I re-planted them at the start of the summer. Two professional landscapers told my fiancé and I not to. “Roses are sensitive. Don’t move them. They won’t survive.” (Such an easy statement for me to identify with since people tell me all the time I’m too sensitive!) The problem with that statement? I wasn’t happy where the roses were. The garden area wasn’t entirely bringing me the joy or peace I hoped for. I wanted to take the risk, make the change and move the roses.

My fiancé and I did the research, re-planted the roses and now, just look at these beauties! They’re blooming and blooming and blooming. And absolutely gorgeous! I see these roses everyday now and I see “thick skin” and having the courage to grow in new places 😉 And I’m reminded of my taking the risk of doing something that might have totally failed.

But roses don’t bloom all year here. Orange Rhinos do though 😉 Do you consider yourself courageous? Or do you too wish you were a little bit more so? Or maybe you consider yourself courageous but, is there one area where you wish you were a little bit more so? Do tell!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are working up the courage to do something hard and important to you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Adult Friendship and Anxiety: What It Feels Like to Still Be Looking for Your People

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I had a different post planned for this morning. Something fun and upbeat. Something I knew everyone could relate to as a mom. Something I knew would lift me up, would bring me alive a bit.

And then last night happened. With a quick press on “send,” I was reminded how much I am struggling with friendships in this stage of life, with being accepted for who I am, with finding my people. I have a hunch I’m not alone in this, so here’s today’s post. May reading it and perhaps knowing you aren’t alone, uplift you 🙂

I sit here now, and I can’t help but think about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I guess, how hard it has always been for me to make friends, to keep them even.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember what it felt like to be rejected from friend groups at overnight camp when I was thirteen-ish, just because I was a little different.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember how I always felt like the third, or fourth wheel in elementary school, always the friend last to be called, sometimes even forgotten.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember all of the times in my life when I have been asked to be a part of friend groups, but my anxiety got in the way. I was sure they wouldn’t really like me or fully accept me. That’s what history told me. Anxiety, being bullied, and self-doubt are quite the tri-fecta, you know 😉

I sit here now, and I think of how I went to message someone who I have been friendly with for a while, only to discover I couldn’t.

I really liked this person. We had similar life stories. Similar values. She writes too, and I really thought that we could be friends, that we could connect over the ups and downs of this life. I was excited.

And I was blocked. Suddenly, as the “message failed to send” popped up, so did a lifetime of pain and insecurities. The upside? Years past, I would have spent a long while asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I say? Why doesn’t she like me? I would have spent hours reading messages, looking for clues for how I screwed up, how I acted weird, how I could have done better.

Last night, I simply was floored. I knew it wasn’t me. I knew I did nothing wrong. I was simply kind. Supportive. Excited for her. I was myself. The truth is, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve accepted that. (Okay, kind of.) And maybe it really wasn’t personal(ish.) And also… Another truth? It still hurts to be rejected.

And it’s disappointing to lose a connection that you thought, hoped, could have been a source of support. For me, it’s hard to find said support in a writing world that often feels lonely, confusing and harsh. Finding someone who got it felt lovely. Oh, and one more truth? It’s disheartening. Putting yourself out there, making new connections, sharing bits of yourself, being vulnerable as you do so, only to learn, “yeah, I’m actually not interested in chatting more?” Yeah, that’s hard.

Hard is actually quite the understatement. What’s harder is feeling lonely at times.

What’s harder is not having a lot of connections with people who understand you, who accept you, who share your joy, who see your pain.

What’s harder is not being able to easily find people with similar interests, similarish personalities, similarish stories so that they understand yours (mine is complex so this does matter.)

What’s harder is not having people to talk to about topics you love and find interesting, about problems you need some thoughts on, about shared memories and future planned memories.

What would be even harder? Giving up and no longer putting yourself out there. Making friends is hard at any age. But it’s important. Connection is a human need.

So keep going. Keep trying. I should and you should too. We all deserve it. Last night hurt. I take solace though knowing it wasn’t me.

And I take solace knowing how many wonderful people I have met here that are my online friends:) that I connect with daily and that I *will* all ten fingers crossed, meet someday at a big ‘ole Orange Rhino dinner at the beach. In friendship I send you warmth and strength,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. #1 You’re always welcomed and accepted here. Xoxo

P.S. #2 I didn’t mean to take this picture. I was trying to take a picture of the snow outside and had it on selfie mode by mistake.

But I looked so peaceful. So there you go. I will find me people and so will you. Again, xoxo   ​

Part 2: How a Spare Fuse Taught Me to Repair a Yelling Moment

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Did you know there is a spare fuse in the plug of Christmas tree lights?!?! I, did not lol. Don’t get me started. But there is! I found them and I replaced three blown fuses and voila! Light returned! Brightness returned! The strands were repaired, reconnected to each other and I moved onward with getting the Christmas tree lit. It was a beautiful reminder to me that when I “blow a fuse” (i.e. yell) I have a chance to repair.

The holiday season is stressful – for adults and kids alike. This isn’t a secret. It’s just full of MORE. More to do, more triggers, more overwhelm, more energy, more anxiety, more meltdowns, more stress. More yelling most likely 😉 Yelling happens from time to time. Yes, myself included. Yes, I wrote a book about how I stopped yelling and yes, I still yell on occasion. And no, no I am not ashamed to admit that. And no, no it doesn’t make me a bad mom, a bad parent, or a bad anything.

It means I’m human. It means I was having a tough moment and I responded in a way that likely showed how I was feeling on the inside about myself or my life. AND also, it doesn’t mean I can’t come back from that moment. Just because I blew a fuse, just because I yelled, doesn’t mean I can’t turn the moment around. My Christmas lights – all three strands that I blew the other day – reminded me of this.

So if you find yourself having just yelled from all the go-go-go of the holiday season, look around and find a light to look at and remember, The moment can be repaired. You too can bring light and connection back to the moment. Apologize for hurting the feelings of the one you love. Validate how it must have made them feel to hear you yell. Explain what you could have done differently to not yell, what you could have done to help yourself calm down.

Then perhaps go take that moment to yourself to get a little more grounded. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 of this story, it gets even better. Which I didn’t think was possible 😉

What My Own Past Taught Me About Building Confidence

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Anyone else like me and lacking a wee bit of self-confidence at times? Got a surprise for you that helped me a lot… Earlier this year I was feeling overwhelmed at home. Who am I kidding! I felt overwhelmed overall, on and off all school year! I felt like a disorganized, ready to explode, lost, mess of a person a lot of the time. I was desperate to figure out how to “succeed” or “do better” at managing my life and hated that I didn’t know how.

“I can’t do this,” this being run by a household of busy teenagers, came to my mind too many times. I, we, survived the school year but I would have loved to do so a little more gracefully and I would’ve loved to figure out how to make life feel a little better, a little more manageable.

I kept looking outwards for answers. I read and researched online for hours. I tried other people’s systems that worked for them. I listened to podcasts galore. Nothing was clicking.

One day at the end of the school year, when I was about to lose my holy loving everything, I went for a walk to chill. I found myself laughing out loud as I thought, “Why is this so much harder than when I had four kids under five?! That was so much easier! Much less chaos. I had that under control. That was overwhelming but less so which for the life of me I can’t believe. I had less sleep. Less time to myself. More crying. More puke. What the heck?!”

I continued walking, mulling that memory over and it hit me. “It felt easier then and I felt like I was succeeding because we had a very specific routine that was easy to remember and easy to follow.” It was so true. I knew when naps and meals were and everything revolved around that. The structure gave me guideposts for the day and chunked out the day into smaller, more manageable pieces.

Obviously lack of activities and individual child requests made it easier but still – this insight was golden. I took this insight and looked at other times in my life where I felt like I was “succeeding” or “thriving” (or whatever word works for you) to see if the same insight applied. Sure enough, structure and routine were all very, very present. I knew it was important (we all do), I just didn’t understand HOW crucial it was for me in particular.

I didn’t need to download any more worksheets or gather input from others as to how to “succeed.” I already knew how to because I had done so in my life already. All I had to do was look into MY past and see when I DID SUCCEED and learn from that. All I had to do was look into my past and see the times when I was thriving and take notes about what was working, what felt right, what didn’t, and bring that learning to the present.

So as I sit here this morning, preparing for school to start next week, working on our new routines, it is obvious that there is no way I can be as structured as my past. WAY too many moving parts. While I can’t be as structured as I wish, I CAN find a way to apply the fact that having structure of some sort is a key to success for me AND be creative in defining what structure/routine looks like.

And I can also accept that structure and routine today will be different than they used to be and that’s okay – I will still be able to find less overwhelm with a little more routine in place than last year. I will also remember to keep it a priority and make sure that we don’t lose our routines even when the going gets tough. Which it will. Effective Tuesday. Sigh. Oh, and one more thing.

Here’s something we can all take away. Part of the structure that helped me years ago? I was guaranteed all kids took a nap at the same time at least five or six days a week if I was lucky which meant I had guaranteed down time SCHEDULED for ME and I always took it. I didn’t do that this year. Just sayin’.

So here’s to YOU and all that you know about yourself and all the times you have already succeeded! You are the best expert in you and I want you to remember that. It is so easy to forget how much knowledge (and strength!) we already have within. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Skin Cancer Scars: They Don’t Have to Be Beautiful to Be Survivable

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Scars hurt. They aren’t always beautiful. But we handle them and heal from them. “It will just be a scar. I can handle a scar.” I confidently said to my dermatologist. This wasn’t my first time having a biopsy on my face and probably won’t be my last. I’ve had basal cell skin cancer on my forehead and my lower eyelid.

And now likely dead center on my nose. I joked that I love Christmas so looking like Rudolph for a few weeks if I have a procedure to remove the skin cancer cells won’t be the end of the world. In all seriousness, as skin cancer is very serious, as my doctor and I discussed the options, I meant what I said when I told him I could handle the procedure and the scars. Yes – scars. The location of this problem area probably means they will need to take skin from my forehead to patch my nose.

So I will have two scars. There were other options but none guaranteed cancer free and given my history, I wanted, no needed, guarantee.

So I wanted the biopsy – even if it came back negative. The scar was worth the risk. Even if it meant pain (which it did.) Even if it looks not so beautiful (which it doesn’t, and which it won’t.) It is just a scar. A scar and the pain that caused it, will pass. I will not remember the pain I felt or the ugliness I saw in the mirror. Pain is temporary. It still might come and go as the scar fades, but eventually it will barely be noticeable. A scar will fade.

At first, when the scar is ever present and I can’t bear the sight, worst case, I can apply make up. I can find a way to make do for the moment.

But as time passes, it will fade and barely be noticeable. I will look in the mirror and have to search to see the marks. And one day, I will forget to search at all. A scar is part of my history. Yes, these scars remind me that I should have listened to my mother about wearing hats as a kid. They also remind me of all my fun times I had at the lake in New Hampshire growing up AND all the fun times I have had at the beach with my kids as a grown up.

And there is more. A scar inspires me. It reminds me that I can handle pain and come out the other side. It reminds me that I can look in the mirror, feel uncomfortable and build self-confidence around the notion that beauty is on the inside. It reminds me that the past is the past, we live, we learn, we do better, we move forward.

A scar reminds me to find the “orange” in the situation…the fun memories that did happen in the sun, the new opportunities to finally learn how to apply makeup, the fun chances to shop for awesome hats and sunglasses (OR to create a line of them….) Scars, physical or emotional, are a part of life. They hurt. They can be ugly. But we get through them. We heal.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today and a loving reminder to wear hats and sunglasses.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino