Welcome to the new followers! I thought I would go back in time and do a little recap of where I started and how I got here today. Original O.R.’s…please fill in the blanks in the comments with any key information I might have missed. And don’t worry – I’m still gonna sneak in new nuggets in this post so it will have value to everyone who knows the history 😉
Way back in 2012 I started The Orange Rhino Challenge® which was my promise to my 4 boys, then ages 5 and under, to go 365 days straight without yelling at them. Turns out, I went 520 days! Three top things I did:
- I tracked when I yelled so I could find patterns and solutions
- I did all sorts of sensory type things to calm my body when I felt a “yell” coming on like splashing cold water on my phase, jumping jacks, dancing, getting out in nature
- I realized that so much of why I yelled had more to do with my anxiety or state of mind than it did my kids so I started using the phrase “at least” to change my perspective (at least it was a plastic jug of milk that spilled and not glass!) I did other things too but that was a favorite!
In the end, I realized that the real upside to learning to stop yelling was that not only did I no longer go to sleep hating myself and feeling immense shame, but I now went to sleep feeling more peace and happiness because I loved myself, my life and time with my kids more. Everything I was doing to yell less was making my life all around better!
Yelling wasn’t the real problem. It was a symptom. The kids weren’t the problem either. I was the problem, said with so, so much love. The way I was responding to life was the problem. And it wasn’t because I was broken or a bad person – it was simply because I didn’t yet have the skills or knowledge or awareness to know how to do better.
So anywho, on March 23, 2013 I went viral with an article on Huffington Post called, “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids.” A book deal came from that and “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino® Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids and How You Can Too” was born in 2014.
I could barely launch it as my youngest son got very sick. Then my oldest got sick. And then my marriage died. My confidence and so many other personal pieces of me that helped me to yell less died alongside my marriage. I started yelling again. It was awful. I felt like an imposter. I felt like a failure. Mostly, I felt alone, lost, scared. I felt unsure, disconnected and disappointed. How did I get to that point?! How had my life turned out this way? How had I become this person again?
The self-ridicule, self-doubt, self-hate rolled back in and rolled in hard. It planted its roots and stayed for a nice long while. UGH. 2016 to 2022 were hard years. That’s a big chunk of time, isn’t it?! I kinda don’t like seeing that on screen. That’s really hard to admit. I mean, 2016 to 2018 was the divorce so that makes sense. But then four more years? Okay, throw covid in there and that makes more sense and… WAIT why do I have to justify having a good chunk of hard years? I don’t. Life is just hard sometimes.
The weight of those years started taking a toll – on my body, my spirit and my mind. That shame I felt in 2012? When I yelled too much? It was back. Now it was shame that I wasn’t fully enjoying life, or even just enjoying it like I hoped to. I was a shell of the person I used to be and was a shell of the person I knew I could be. I hit a few breaking points that tried to rally me but didn’t work.
Then in February 2022, I had a doctor’s appointment that woke me up. If an appointment can slap you in the face, this one did. Oh did it slap me hard.
ENOUGH Sheila. Open your eyes. Life is beautiful and you’re kinda missing it and I know you don’t want to be. I love black and white photos, and there is a place for gray in life and in home decor 😉 but me? I was done living a life without color. I made a choice that day. I chose to tell myself over and over and over again, “Girl, YOU CAN DO THIS. You can overcome all of these challenges that the world is throwing at you. You can live a life full of gray and still live a life full of color.”
I had already slowly started taking bigger steps forward, out of my stuck place. Now, my steps have become more intentional.
No more regrets.
No more feeling like I missed out.
No more being in an “eh” place.
Yes more love.
Yes more loving myself.
Yes more loving my life.
Yes more loving time with my kids.
Yes to really, truly, focusing and figuring out.
What do I need to live a colorful life again? What lights me up inside? What makes me laugh, smile? What do I dream of? What do I long for?
And the big ones, What is missing? Where do I find it? How do I find it? What is weighing me down the most? What is the heaviest on my heart, my mind that is holding me back and keeping me stuck? Keeping me from all of the above?
And the BIGGEST one, Okay, and now, you know the answers, how do you get there? The final answer? I needed to return to The Orange Rhino! The community that when I was actively a part of, I had a pep in my step and more peace in my heart. The Orange Rhino gave me connection, community, strength, support, and so much more.
So here I am, returned. I might not write directly about yelling anymore BUT and this is a big one, everything is about yelling! Yelling was never the real problem. My skills, the way I responded to life’ s challenges were the problem.
Because when I’m in a good place, when I’m doing all the things I’ve worked hard on the last couple of years, I’m strong like a rhino and I can peacefully handle most triggers than come my way…without yelling. I still yell. I’m human. I’m not meant to be perfect.
But I don’t yell at myself over and over and over again for it. That just makes it worse and leads to years of yelling, eh hem example 2016 – 2019 😉 Thanks for reading; you have the patience of someone who can indeed yell less 😉 Sending my warmth and my strength, today and always, and especially if you too might be working to live a life with a little more color in it.
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
