The minute the word came off of my tongue, I stopped right in my tracks. “Did I really just say THAT word?” I asked myself. “Me, Sheila? I used that word, ever so nonchalantly? WHOA. Time out Celtics!”
Don’t worry. It wasn’t a bad word, or a word that I would correct my teenagers from using and then bust into a not-lecture-but-totally-a-lecture filled with “when I was a kid we never said those words and how is that word normalized and I’m worried about your generation” vibes.
I mean, it was the F word… but a good F word. A happy word even. Actually, it was several words strung together, a phrase! Are you ready for it?
“I had a lot of FUN today….”
F…U…N…FUN! I had just walked in the door with my boys from camp/work pick up and said, “I had a lot of fun today, who wants to see what I worked on?” I literally couldn’t believe I used the word fun. I was just so excited and wanted to share my joy.
Besides, of the three kids with me (one kiddo is still sick) one is artsy, one is into design and one is into math. I thought they might be interested in my excitement. Spoiler alert: (1) I was talking to teens and (2) exhaustion from camp made their interest a big NO. Which was fine, I got right back to my project and right back to having… MORE FUN. The project? I was drawing new floor plans for our kitchen/mudroom.
After two architects falling through because of personal reasons, I’m now waiting on a third one, and well, I got tired of waiting for the project to start.
So, I ever so happily took matters into my own hands. Ever. So. Happily. Cabinets are falling off the wall. Appliances are leaking and breaking. This project can’t wait any longer. Besides, I always wanted to be an architect. I have loved design and homes and creating beauty since I was a little girl. Floor designs bring my love of math, my love of puzzles, and my love of beauty all together in one place.
So, with my tracing paper out, my pencil in one hand, my architectural ruler in another, I started drawing line, after line, after line. I was in heaven as I imagined and re-imagined, drew and erased.
The only thing never erased? My happiness or my clarity about how much I love design. I was so at peace. I was challenged, in a good way. I was fulfilled as I finished one concept, ready to go on to the next. I was happy. I was having fun, so much fun. It was glorious. It isn’t that I don’t have fun. I do.
I had fun last week when my friend came over and we floated in the pool and just chatted.
I had fun talking on the phone with my best friend the other day.
I had fun joking yesterday morning when I called up to my almost 18 year old to see if he was ready and his reply was, “Oh good morning, I see you’ve had your coffee mom.” And I replied, “Oh yes, I have, shall we see if your brother has?!” But in general, in general, I wouldn’t say that I would describe my life as “fun.” That’s a bummer.
That’s now really how I want to live. I don’t need to be a party animal. I don’t need to have boat loads of fun everyday.
But I do want to have some fun everyday. I do want to do MORE of WHAT I ENJOY, more often. It isn’t that I am actively choosing not to. It isn’t that I am over-prioritizing the kids and yada. It’s just that, to be honest,
- I’m still honing in on activities, hobbies and experiences that bring me true enjoyment! Yes, I know what I like, but as my kids have gotten older and I have returned to having more time to myself, I am just getting back to more time for me! I know some of them. Photography. Arranging floral bouquets. Going to the beach. Celebrating others and doing random acts of kindness. Bowling. Watching the sunrise. Hiking. House design. Cake decorating. Writing, creating, designing, doing anything related, like interacting with you all:)
- I forget to stop and do the above activities! I get so caught up in managing the household, in doing this and doing that, that I don’t stop and do things that I enjoy. I know, I know. I need to schedule them. Routines and schedules and systems, well, I’m working on getting into them;) #ADHDlife
- On top of all this, I’ve been asking myself some hard questions lately, like:
+ Which activities can I do here and there to get bursts or fun and…
+ Which activities could I get lost in for hours?
+ Which activities could I do more often, for longer, so I can really say, yes, my life is fun, because I LOVE what I do?
FUN is all relative. Fun is different for me today than it was years ago and even one year ago. And it’s different for me than it is for you. What is the same for all of us, and the same today, and in the past, and yes and in the future, is what we all need. Fun fuels the soul.
I felt SOOO good yesterday. So good. What will you do today that will be fun? That will light you up? Do tell below! And if you can’t do it, tell us anyway. Believe it or not, it’s a trick that will make your brain even feel a little bit better.
Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are in the process of getting back to yourself and getting back to adding more fun, on your terms, into your day. The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness, without a full cup of coffee post, reflecting a current challenge I am processing so that I can keep moving forward towards being the me I want to be and living the life I want to live.
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
