Why I Miss Chit-Chat With Friends More Than I Expected

I miss having more time chatting with friends. Whether it’s about the weather, celebrity gossip, personal challenges, whatnot, I miss having that connection outside of my family. No offense to my family, of course. I love them. It’s just that chit chatting with friends and other non-family people lands differently, you know? Lately, I’ve been having the same talk with my sons. Not about chatting with friends, but about how no one can really read minds, especially when it comes to communicating.

How assuming makes an arse out of you and me. How sharing what’s on our minds, respectfully, is often a good thing to do. –> That the biggest loss and risk is doing nothing and remaining uncomfortable, unhappy, wanting change. And yet…here I am, not taking my own advice! It made me laugh out loud yesterday as I walked alone on a beach filled with people. It. Was. Awesome. What I haven’t been fully direct about? Why I want to do these Thursday chit chats so badly.

It’s simple. I know how hard it is for me—and I’m guessing for you—to schedule time with friends. And while I know chit chatting on the internet in a Facebook community isn’t the same as chit chatting in a corner booth at a restaurant, I think it is a great start.

Because I miss my friends and I miss the chit chatting. The laughter that follows. The “uh-huhs” and the “yep, me too” and the inevitable tears that quietly fall that you didn’t know you were keeping inside. I know we are all busy. I know how hard it is to have a phone call longer than five minutes in the car between drop-offs or errands. I know how hard it is to make dinner dates happen, and I, for one, really, really miss those times.

When my kids were younger, it was so much easier for me to go out for dinner with my friends every once in a while. And my gosh, those were some of the best times. Even if we didn’t go out but had a girls’ night in. They got me through the long days of parenting younger kiddos. The connection and the laughter were the escape from the day in, day out of being a mom. Whether we talked about the mundane. The celebrity gossip.

What troubled us. What mystified us. Whatever was on our minds. Those times with friends were golden. Are golden. Because friends? They get you on a different level than family. Friends? They have things in common with you that family doesn’t. Friends? They can make you laugh, feel seen and get you through the day in a different way. Now?

Now it is hard to get those times. Whether at night, during the day or in the car. Schedules are busier. After dinner is busier. There always seems to be a kid with an appointment. I’m always having to cancel, hop off the phone or leave early. I take responsibility for not having enough of these connection points right now. I do my best to plan and follow through, but I fall short sometimes. SO anyway, I really would love to be here once a week to just get us all chit chatting with each other, you know, back and forth like friends.

The Orange Rhino Chit Chats. Maybe we swap recipes. Share favorite new pages we follow—instead of TV shows because I hardly watch TV anymore, to be honest. Share what made us laugh this week. Whatever we chit chat about, at the end of the day, hopefully we all feel just a little bit better. Less alone. More connected. Maybe more normal, whatever that means, because heck knows I am not normal.;) I’ve picked Thursdays because, well, we survived good ol’ Hump Day Wednesday.

We need a boost to make it through the end of the week and then through the weekend. I think we can have some really great chit chats filled with: “OMG, me too!” “I didn’t know that. That’s awesome!” And… “I peed my pants, I laughed so hard.” Okay, maybe that wouldn’t be you.

But it might definitely be me lol. Thursdays can be something to look forward to. To keep checking in on throughout the day as a connection point, a touch point. A little (big) boost amidst all of life’s day-to-day heaviness. I know, this is also the goal of everyday here. I’m hoping Thursday is guaranteed a little lighter and also where you all give me ideas and specific requests on something you would like to chat about.

We’ve had two chit-chats the past two Thursdays, but I’m calling today the first official one. Because, why not?! I’m keeping it light and asking about something many of us do every day anyway: Scroll. (Wait, that is kinda not so light, is it? I know many of us wish we scrolled less.

Okay. This might actually make it better!) What pages are making your scrolling time better? More worthwhile? Easier to hop off scrolling and not get sucked in? I need some new pages to follow. I don’t really watch TV except for The Mentalist with my son and Hallmark Christmas movies in the winter. And I’ll catch The Devil Wears Prada 2 when it streams.

So my equivalent is scrolling. Which I think is the same for many of us. But I want my scrolling to be intentional, you know? Value added. I want the pages and posts that pop up for me to make me smile or teach me something I’m interested in or make me feel good about myself. I’m into organizing, the beach—obviously—cooking, neuroscience and the nervous system, home design and decorating, acts of kindness, feel-good stories and laughing.

I’m trying to get away from overly toxic-positive pages—this should be of no surprise—and parenting pages that shame and preach—also should be of no surprise. Any suggestions? What are you enjoying online? Let’s do a page swap. Seriously. Like… “OMG, you have to follow this page…” BUT if you have a great TV show I have to watch that will make me chill the bleep out at night because it is soooo good, I’ll take that too!

And, if you have any questions or topics you want to chit chat about on Thursdays, share those too:) Sending warmth to you today, especially if you are also wanting more connection and knowing inside you that you are partially responsible for it not happening. I feel ya. Let’s chat here today:)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What The Orange Rhino Is Really About: Love, Honesty and Belonging

This page has always been about one thing: love. How we give it, how we receive it, and how we learn to offer more of it to ourselves—especially when life feels heavy. As this community has grown, I’ve realized it’s time to be even clearer about who I am, what this space is for, and why it matters to me. From the beginning, this community has been built on supporting one another in a common goal – to yell less. We all wanted to yell less because we wanted to show our love more.

Our love for our children, our love for ourselves. We wanted to yell less because we wanted to love how we experienced life more; to go to bed with less guilt, with less disappointment, with less sadness, with less grief.

When this page grew and grew exponentially it was because of a shared goal that united everyone, regardless of race, religion, identity, you name it.

We were all focused on loving more.
On kindness.
On doing better.
On learning about ourselves, our children.
On teaching ourselves, our children.

We were all supportive of one another. Someone had a bad day, someone else left a comment showing they believed in them. Since I’ve returned to posting, the same common goal of loving more has remained, but with a tweak and some expansion.

The focus is definitely more about loving ourselves more, all parts of who we are (not just as people wanting to yell less) so we can create lives we love even more. In doing so, I write about a lot more than parenting. Parenting is a piece of my life, an important one.

But I am also a partner, a friend, a neighbor, a human. All these parts matter if I want to live a life that I love. I saw The Holderness Family (always so funny) make a post re-introducing themselves recently. And HR Mom (always so inspiring) made a post about who she is first and foremost. Whitney Fleming Writes (always so eloquent) shared a post about what she doesn’t fake outrage about. Dontcrossagayman (always just knows how to deliver and teach a needed message) shared a video about, well, all of the above.

I am inspired to follow these pages’ lead so that people can decide whether this space feels right for them. I feel weird writing that, if I’m going to be honest.

But, if I want to live a life that I love, if I want to go to bed feeling lighter, I need to be the most authentic version of myself. I strongly dislike coming on here and feeling like I am hiding parts of me. First and foremost I’m a mother, but I’m also a protector of this page. I want to ensure everyone here feels the same level of welcome, comfort, safety, connection and joy they felt when they first joined. I want to feel that sense of ease.

I want everyone on this page to come here and feel, “yes, I belong here. I don’t feel broken here. I feel seen. I can breathe.” I want this page to lift people up, to brighten their days so that getting through the inevitable gray of life is easier.

So, let me re-introduce myself, who I am first and foremost, and what I also won’t fake outrage about. Let me tell you a bit more about me.

1. I am an almost 48 year old perimenopausal woman with more wrinkles and skin cancer than I like. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and have been engaged for a lot longer than my fiancé would like because I’m so scarred by the divorce process.

I drink my coffee black because that is how I was introduced to it when I stayed with a family in Nicaragua. I no longer drink alcohol because alcoholism runs in my extended family and because I have health issues. Sparkling grapefruit juice with lime is my new favorite mocktail!

I have ADHD and I struggle with anxiety, depression, OCD, and sensory processing disorder. Some people say I’m a lot. I like to think I understand a lot about what it means to be misunderstood, not accepted and alone. It makes me a more loving person. 

2. Since I was at least 8, I’ve been helping others, spreading kindness, trying to bring people together, ALL people. It. Is. Who. I. Am and how I was raised. It is how I hope to raise my sons. Speaking of which… 

3. I am a mom to four neurodivergent sons. I have always said that I was given four sons for a reason: to ensure that I raise gentlemen who respect women so that I can make a difference in the way women are treated. It might only be 4 boys, but change starts somewhere.

Likewise, I’m making sure they understand how they deserve to be treated. Being a teen is hard. I’m also helping them learn how to safely stand up for those who aren’t treated well.

4. In high school, I made a list of lectures I thought our school should give. Sexual violence was one of them. Ensuring I raise sons who understand consent is a constant conversation. My disgust about the E-files is far from fake outrage.

5. My childhood pastor was lesbian. She was the absolute best. I have friends whose children are gay. I have friends whose children are trans. I have friends who are gay. I support and love them all.

6. Some of my best friends are Jewish. My fiancé is Jewish. My grandfather was Jewish but had to hide that aspect of himself:(I am Christian. I’ve been to Temple often and Church services too. We all want the same thing: to be the best, most loving humans we can be.

7. I traveled to numerous third world countries when I was younger. Those were some of the best experiences of my life. I learned so much from their cultures. I used to be fluent in Spanish. I still speak it when I can. I love connecting with people sharing moments of joy that cross languages. I love and appreciate other cultures.

8. I strongly dislike politics. I’ve always avoided talking about them because of the intensity. I value peace and connection. I believe in working together to find common ground and achieve common goals—and I believe both always exist, just not always easy to find or achieve. But I don’t give up. This was my strength as a leader when I worked.

I have friends who are Democrats and friends who are Republicans. I love and support them all. I believe listening doesn’t have to mean agreeing, and disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect. I listen to understand, because you can’t solve problems you don’t understand—and we can only grow if we’re willing to learn from one another.

9. In my darkest of times, let me tell you who helped me.
Democrats. Republicans.
People with white skin, black skin, brown skin.
Christian friends and non-Christian friends.
Straight strangers and non-straight strangers and friends.
People born in the United States, people not born here.
Neurotypical people and neurodiverse people.
I appreciate all of them, all. of. Them.

I would do the same, for all of them.

We are all humans trying to live lives full of love. It pains me deeply that not all humans are treated the same; that my friends, neighbors and those I respect are hurting.

10. I believe in treating others as I want to be treated. With respect. With kindness. With understanding. With grace. I look for the best in people. I celebrate people. I feel for people — I am an empath, through and through. These times hurt.

Oh, and I guess one more.

11. I am The Orange Rhino® created because I wanted more warmth, positive energy and determination in my life, especially when I felt like I wanted to charge or felt like I was getting knocked down. I’m dedicated to creating a space that brings people together while lifting them up, a space that cares for all people.

This is the heart behind The Orange Rhino®—real, human, rooted in love and kindness.

 Sending my warmth to everyone, today and always. Period.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡The Orange Rhino

(This was an unplanned, just written post. Be gentle if there are errors and please message me privately if I wrote something wrong; not my intention. I’m still learning. If I don’t post, I won’t, but I want to. That’s #12 I guess. I am a sensitive, learning to not worry what other people think so much, always trying to make progress and not be perfect, human.)

What Teenage Boys Taught Me About Competition, Connection and Hope

Earlier this week, my son’s basketball team had a big win. But it had nothing to do with the score. It had everything to do with what happened after. They were playing a team from across town. The last time they faced each other, the game was tight—my son’s team won by just a few points. And at the end of that game, something unexpected happened. The teams came together. Laughing. Taking selfies. Teenage boys—competing hard, not knowing each other—connecting anyway.

It gave me so much hope. Fast forward to this week. This game was a blowout. My son’s team was on fire. So the coach did what good coaches do—he put in the kids who don’t usually get playing time. Eventually, the other coach did too.

And that alone said a lot. This coach is intense. I remember thinking during the first matchup, whoa—this guy wants to win at all costs.

But here we were. New kids on the court. Winning wasn’t the goal anymore. Experience was. My son is almost 6’2. One of his best friends is about 5’2—and because of that, he hasn’t gotten much playing time this season.

But this night? He was in. The players on the court worked to get him the ball. The players on the bench were on their feet, cheering—hoping he’d score his first basket of a quickly ending season. And let me tell you—this kid can shoot. Always has been able to. He started hitting shots. Then threes. Then foul shots. Thirteen points in two minutes. For real. The gym went absolutely insane.

When the buzzer sounded, his teammates rushed him and carried him off the court. And do you know who else rushed over? The other coach. And players from the other team. The coach even took a selfie with him. It. Was. Beautiful. And this wasn’t a one-off. Earlier in the week, my son’s team lost a blowout. Late in the game, another kid who rarely plays took a shot just as the buzzer sounded. SWOOSH. A three.

They lost the game—but no one cared. Their teammate had scored and made an incredible shot. No one talked about the loss, they talked about their teammate. And in yet another blowout loss, both coaches put the B teams in again. The A teams were on the benches, kinda. They weren’t obsessed with the score. They weren’t sulking on the bench. I saw teenage boys standing, cheering, screaming—for each other to have their moment.

My faith in humanity was restored a little this week. On a high school basketball court. And I’m holding onto these moments tighter than ever, especially this week.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

A Divorced Mom’s Thanksgiving: When the Holiday Is Beautiful and Hard

It’s always hard posting stories like this. But, keeping it to myself doesn’t feel right. You all know me — I like to be honest and to fully represent the non-perfect side of social media. I thrive at that. Holiday seasons are full of beautiful family photos. And well… Moments before I took this photo, I had tears in my eyes.

It was the morning of my Thanksgiving with my boys. It was NOT going well. Boys were bickering. And that is being mild. My college kiddo was home. Since I’m divorced, I only had all my boys together for a whopping 1.5 days. I wanted the time to go well. To go smoothly. To be happy. It. Was. Simply. Not. Going. That. Way. It was disappointing. Discouraging even. Was this how the entire day was going to go?

I took a break from the situation. And here’s where my doubt in sharing comes, but stick with me, okay? To be honest, even though it was only 11:00 am I wanted a gin and tonic.

I wanted to ease the pain, the stress, the chaos, the feelings of discomfort. But I’m 320+ days of not choosing alcohol so I chose hot chocolate. It was good, but it wasn’t the same. Did it taste good, but in a different way? Yes! Did it help me relax in the sense that I slowed down, sat and really enjoyed it? Yes!

But did it numb the feelings? Did it numb my stress? No. Because really, that is what I wanted in that moment. To numb.

Here’s the thing…this post isn’t about alcohol and me preaching about how I have chosen to be sober (there are a lot of reasons there.) We all have something we turn to when we want to numb. I have a few. Shopping to decorate the house. Scrolling. Eating. Just zoning out to avoid. This season, when the to-do’s grow (even though they are ones I enjoy) when expectations grow, when kids anxieties grow because of school work, exams, and excitement for the holidays, when the this, the that, when it all becomes A LOT (even a lot of goodness) it is easy to want to numb, a lot.

But I know from years of learning to live with the gray…that numbing only pushes the pain down…down inside and down the road so to speak. It doesn’t actually make me feel better. And so I keep trying to find more productive ways to feel the gray so it doesn’t win in the moment. Not always easy, is it? All this to say… I share this story to simply say, I get it. I get the pressure. I get the desire to escape.

I get the wish to just feel better. I get the longing for ease. You aren’t alone in these feelings (that is if you get them) If no one in your friend group is openly talking about this, know that I am. I wish I didn’t want to numb as much; that things weren’t so much. I wish I turned less to shopping and eating.

But here I am. Knowing it, working through it, and doing my best. It ain’t easy. But I’m doing. Just like you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling all the “a lot” of this season, or in general and you are also trying to numb less.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino