Category Archives: Relationships & Friendships

Why I Miss Chit-Chat With Friends More Than I Expected

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I miss having more time chatting with friends. Whether it’s about the weather, celebrity gossip, personal challenges, whatnot, I miss having that connection outside of my family. No offense to my family, of course. I love them. It’s just that chit chatting with friends and other non-family people lands differently, you know? Lately, I’ve been having the same talk with my sons. Not about chatting with friends, but about how no one can really read minds, especially when it comes to communicating.

How assuming makes an arse out of you and me. How sharing what’s on our minds, respectfully, is often a good thing to do. –> That the biggest loss and risk is doing nothing and remaining uncomfortable, unhappy, wanting change. And yet…here I am, not taking my own advice! It made me laugh out loud yesterday as I walked alone on a beach filled with people. It. Was. Awesome. What I haven’t been fully direct about? Why I want to do these Thursday chit chats so badly.

It’s simple. I know how hard it is for me—and I’m guessing for you—to schedule time with friends. And while I know chit chatting on the internet in a Facebook community isn’t the same as chit chatting in a corner booth at a restaurant, I think it is a great start.

Because I miss my friends and I miss the chit chatting. The laughter that follows. The “uh-huhs” and the “yep, me too” and the inevitable tears that quietly fall that you didn’t know you were keeping inside. I know we are all busy. I know how hard it is to have a phone call longer than five minutes in the car between drop-offs or errands. I know how hard it is to make dinner dates happen, and I, for one, really, really miss those times.

When my kids were younger, it was so much easier for me to go out for dinner with my friends every once in a while. And my gosh, those were some of the best times. Even if we didn’t go out but had a girls’ night in. They got me through the long days of parenting younger kiddos. The connection and the laughter were the escape from the day in, day out of being a mom. Whether we talked about the mundane. The celebrity gossip.

What troubled us. What mystified us. Whatever was on our minds. Those times with friends were golden. Are golden. Because friends? They get you on a different level than family. Friends? They have things in common with you that family doesn’t. Friends? They can make you laugh, feel seen and get you through the day in a different way. Now?

Now it is hard to get those times. Whether at night, during the day or in the car. Schedules are busier. After dinner is busier. There always seems to be a kid with an appointment. I’m always having to cancel, hop off the phone or leave early. I take responsibility for not having enough of these connection points right now. I do my best to plan and follow through, but I fall short sometimes. SO anyway, I really would love to be here once a week to just get us all chit chatting with each other, you know, back and forth like friends.

The Orange Rhino Chit Chats. Maybe we swap recipes. Share favorite new pages we follow—instead of TV shows because I hardly watch TV anymore, to be honest. Share what made us laugh this week. Whatever we chit chat about, at the end of the day, hopefully we all feel just a little bit better. Less alone. More connected. Maybe more normal, whatever that means, because heck knows I am not normal.;) I’ve picked Thursdays because, well, we survived good ol’ Hump Day Wednesday.

We need a boost to make it through the end of the week and then through the weekend. I think we can have some really great chit chats filled with: “OMG, me too!” “I didn’t know that. That’s awesome!” And… “I peed my pants, I laughed so hard.” Okay, maybe that wouldn’t be you.

But it might definitely be me lol. Thursdays can be something to look forward to. To keep checking in on throughout the day as a connection point, a touch point. A little (big) boost amidst all of life’s day-to-day heaviness. I know, this is also the goal of everyday here. I’m hoping Thursday is guaranteed a little lighter and also where you all give me ideas and specific requests on something you would like to chat about.

We’ve had two chit-chats the past two Thursdays, but I’m calling today the first official one. Because, why not?! I’m keeping it light and asking about something many of us do every day anyway: Scroll. (Wait, that is kinda not so light, is it? I know many of us wish we scrolled less.

Okay. This might actually make it better!) What pages are making your scrolling time better? More worthwhile? Easier to hop off scrolling and not get sucked in? I need some new pages to follow. I don’t really watch TV except for The Mentalist with my son and Hallmark Christmas movies in the winter. And I’ll catch The Devil Wears Prada 2 when it streams.

So my equivalent is scrolling. Which I think is the same for many of us. But I want my scrolling to be intentional, you know? Value added. I want the pages and posts that pop up for me to make me smile or teach me something I’m interested in or make me feel good about myself. I’m into organizing, the beach—obviously—cooking, neuroscience and the nervous system, home design and decorating, acts of kindness, feel-good stories and laughing.

I’m trying to get away from overly toxic-positive pages—this should be of no surprise—and parenting pages that shame and preach—also should be of no surprise. Any suggestions? What are you enjoying online? Let’s do a page swap. Seriously. Like… “OMG, you have to follow this page…” BUT if you have a great TV show I have to watch that will make me chill the bleep out at night because it is soooo good, I’ll take that too!

And, if you have any questions or topics you want to chit chat about on Thursdays, share those too:) Sending warmth to you today, especially if you are also wanting more connection and knowing inside you that you are partially responsible for it not happening. I feel ya. Let’s chat here today:)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What The Orange Rhino Is Really About: Love, Honesty and Belonging

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This page has always been about one thing: love. How we give it, how we receive it, and how we learn to offer more of it to ourselves—especially when life feels heavy. As this community has grown, I’ve realized it’s time to be even clearer about who I am, what this space is for, and why it matters to me. From the beginning, this community has been built on supporting one another in a common goal – to yell less. We all wanted to yell less because we wanted to show our love more.

Our love for our children, our love for ourselves. We wanted to yell less because we wanted to love how we experienced life more; to go to bed with less guilt, with less disappointment, with less sadness, with less grief.

When this page grew and grew exponentially it was because of a shared goal that united everyone, regardless of race, religion, identity, you name it.

We were all focused on loving more.
On kindness.
On doing better.
On learning about ourselves, our children.
On teaching ourselves, our children.

We were all supportive of one another. Someone had a bad day, someone else left a comment showing they believed in them. Since I’ve returned to posting, the same common goal of loving more has remained, but with a tweak and some expansion.

The focus is definitely more about loving ourselves more, all parts of who we are (not just as people wanting to yell less) so we can create lives we love even more. In doing so, I write about a lot more than parenting. Parenting is a piece of my life, an important one.

But I am also a partner, a friend, a neighbor, a human. All these parts matter if I want to live a life that I love. I saw The Holderness Family (always so funny) make a post re-introducing themselves recently. And HR Mom (always so inspiring) made a post about who she is first and foremost. Whitney Fleming Writes (always so eloquent) shared a post about what she doesn’t fake outrage about. Dontcrossagayman (always just knows how to deliver and teach a needed message) shared a video about, well, all of the above.

I am inspired to follow these pages’ lead so that people can decide whether this space feels right for them. I feel weird writing that, if I’m going to be honest.

But, if I want to live a life that I love, if I want to go to bed feeling lighter, I need to be the most authentic version of myself. I strongly dislike coming on here and feeling like I am hiding parts of me. First and foremost I’m a mother, but I’m also a protector of this page. I want to ensure everyone here feels the same level of welcome, comfort, safety, connection and joy they felt when they first joined. I want to feel that sense of ease.

I want everyone on this page to come here and feel, “yes, I belong here. I don’t feel broken here. I feel seen. I can breathe.” I want this page to lift people up, to brighten their days so that getting through the inevitable gray of life is easier.

So, let me re-introduce myself, who I am first and foremost, and what I also won’t fake outrage about. Let me tell you a bit more about me.

1. I am an almost 48 year old perimenopausal woman with more wrinkles and skin cancer than I like. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and have been engaged for a lot longer than my fiancé would like because I’m so scarred by the divorce process.

I drink my coffee black because that is how I was introduced to it when I stayed with a family in Nicaragua. I no longer drink alcohol because alcoholism runs in my extended family and because I have health issues. Sparkling grapefruit juice with lime is my new favorite mocktail!

I have ADHD and I struggle with anxiety, depression, OCD, and sensory processing disorder. Some people say I’m a lot. I like to think I understand a lot about what it means to be misunderstood, not accepted and alone. It makes me a more loving person. 

2. Since I was at least 8, I’ve been helping others, spreading kindness, trying to bring people together, ALL people. It. Is. Who. I. Am and how I was raised. It is how I hope to raise my sons. Speaking of which… 

3. I am a mom to four neurodivergent sons. I have always said that I was given four sons for a reason: to ensure that I raise gentlemen who respect women so that I can make a difference in the way women are treated. It might only be 4 boys, but change starts somewhere.

Likewise, I’m making sure they understand how they deserve to be treated. Being a teen is hard. I’m also helping them learn how to safely stand up for those who aren’t treated well.

4. In high school, I made a list of lectures I thought our school should give. Sexual violence was one of them. Ensuring I raise sons who understand consent is a constant conversation. My disgust about the E-files is far from fake outrage.

5. My childhood pastor was lesbian. She was the absolute best. I have friends whose children are gay. I have friends whose children are trans. I have friends who are gay. I support and love them all.

6. Some of my best friends are Jewish. My fiancé is Jewish. My grandfather was Jewish but had to hide that aspect of himself:(I am Christian. I’ve been to Temple often and Church services too. We all want the same thing: to be the best, most loving humans we can be.

7. I traveled to numerous third world countries when I was younger. Those were some of the best experiences of my life. I learned so much from their cultures. I used to be fluent in Spanish. I still speak it when I can. I love connecting with people sharing moments of joy that cross languages. I love and appreciate other cultures.

8. I strongly dislike politics. I’ve always avoided talking about them because of the intensity. I value peace and connection. I believe in working together to find common ground and achieve common goals—and I believe both always exist, just not always easy to find or achieve. But I don’t give up. This was my strength as a leader when I worked.

I have friends who are Democrats and friends who are Republicans. I love and support them all. I believe listening doesn’t have to mean agreeing, and disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect. I listen to understand, because you can’t solve problems you don’t understand—and we can only grow if we’re willing to learn from one another.

9. In my darkest of times, let me tell you who helped me.
Democrats. Republicans.
People with white skin, black skin, brown skin.
Christian friends and non-Christian friends.
Straight strangers and non-straight strangers and friends.
People born in the United States, people not born here.
Neurotypical people and neurodiverse people.
I appreciate all of them, all. of. Them.

I would do the same, for all of them.

We are all humans trying to live lives full of love. It pains me deeply that not all humans are treated the same; that my friends, neighbors and those I respect are hurting.

10. I believe in treating others as I want to be treated. With respect. With kindness. With understanding. With grace. I look for the best in people. I celebrate people. I feel for people — I am an empath, through and through. These times hurt.

Oh, and I guess one more.

11. I am The Orange Rhino® created because I wanted more warmth, positive energy and determination in my life, especially when I felt like I wanted to charge or felt like I was getting knocked down. I’m dedicated to creating a space that brings people together while lifting them up, a space that cares for all people.

This is the heart behind The Orange Rhino®—real, human, rooted in love and kindness.

 Sending my warmth to everyone, today and always. Period.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡The Orange Rhino

(This was an unplanned, just written post. Be gentle if there are errors and please message me privately if I wrote something wrong; not my intention. I’m still learning. If I don’t post, I won’t, but I want to. That’s #12 I guess. I am a sensitive, learning to not worry what other people think so much, always trying to make progress and not be perfect, human.)

What Teenage Boys Taught Me About Competition, Connection and Hope

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Earlier this week, my son’s basketball team had a big win. But it had nothing to do with the score. It had everything to do with what happened after. They were playing a team from across town. The last time they faced each other, the game was tight—my son’s team won by just a few points. And at the end of that game, something unexpected happened.

The teams came together.
Laughing.
Taking selfies.
Teenage boys—competing hard, not knowing each other—connecting anyway.

It gave me so much hope. Fast forward to this week. This game was a blowout. My son’s team was on fire. So the coach did what good coaches do—he put in the kids who don’t usually get playing time. Eventually, the other coach did too.

And that alone said a lot. This coach is intense. I remember thinking during the first matchup, whoa—this guy wants to win at all costs.

But here we were. New kids on the court. Winning wasn’t the goal anymore. Experience was. My son is almost 6’2. One of his best friends is about 5’2—and because of that, he hasn’t gotten much playing time this season.

But this night? He was in. The players on the court worked to get him the ball. The players on the bench were on their feet, cheering—hoping he’d score his first basket of a quickly ending season. And let me tell you—this kid can shoot. Always has been able to. He started hitting shots. Then threes. Then foul shots. Thirteen points in two minutes. For real. The gym went absolutely insane.

When the buzzer sounded, his teammates rushed him and carried him off the court. And do you know who else rushed over? The other coach. And players from the other team. The coach even took a selfie with him. It. Was. Beautiful. And this wasn’t a one-off. Earlier in the week, my son’s team lost a blowout. Late in the game, another kid who rarely plays took a shot just as the buzzer sounded. SWOOSH. A three.

They lost the game—but no one cared. Their teammate had scored and made an incredible shot. No one talked about the loss, they talked about their teammate. And in yet another blowout loss, both coaches put the B teams in again. The A teams were on the benches, kinda. They weren’t obsessed with the score. They weren’t sulking on the bench. I saw teenage boys standing, cheering, screaming—for each other to have their moment.

My faith in humanity was restored a little this week. On a high school basketball court. And I’m holding onto these moments tighter than ever, especially this week.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

A Divorced Mom’s Thanksgiving: When the Holiday Is Beautiful and Hard

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It’s always hard posting stories like this. But, keeping it to myself doesn’t feel right. You all know me — I like to be honest and to fully represent the non-perfect side of social media. I thrive at that. Holiday seasons are full of beautiful family photos. And well… Moments before I took this photo, I had tears in my eyes.

It was the morning of my Thanksgiving with my boys. It was NOT going well. Boys were bickering. And that is being mild. My college kiddo was home. Since I’m divorced, I only had all my boys together for a whopping 1.5 days. I wanted the time to go well.

To go smoothly.
To be happy.
It. Was. Simply. Not. Going. That. Way.
It was disappointing.
Discouraging even.
Was this how the entire day was going to go?

I took a break from the situation. And here’s where my doubt in sharing comes, but stick with me, okay? To be honest, even though it was only 11:00 am I wanted a gin and tonic.

I wanted to ease the pain, the stress, the chaos, the feelings of discomfort. But I’m 320+ days of not choosing alcohol so I chose hot chocolate. It was good, but it wasn’t the same. Did it taste good, but in a different way? Yes! Did it help me relax in the sense that I slowed down, sat and really enjoyed it? Yes!

But did it numb the feelings? Did it numb my stress? No. Because really, that is what I wanted in that moment. To numb.

Here’s the thing…this post isn’t about alcohol and me preaching about how I have chosen to be sober (there are a lot of reasons there.) We all have something we turn to when we want to numb. I have a few. Shopping to decorate the house. Scrolling. Eating. Just zoning out to avoid. This season, when the to-do’s grow (even though they are ones I enjoy) when expectations grow, when kids anxieties grow because of school work, exams, and excitement for the holidays, when the this, the that, when it all becomes A LOT (even a lot of goodness) it is easy to want to numb, a lot.

But I know from years of learning to live with the gray…that numbing only pushes the pain down…down inside and down the road so to speak. It doesn’t actually make me feel better. And so I keep trying to find more productive ways to feel the gray so it doesn’t win in the moment. Not always easy, is it? All this to say… I share this story to simply say, I get it. I get the pressure. I get the desire to escape.

I get the wish to just feel better. I get the longing for ease. You aren’t alone in these feelings (that is if you get them) If no one in your friend group is openly talking about this, know that I am. I wish I didn’t want to numb as much; that things weren’t so much. I wish I turned less to shopping and eating.

But here I am. Knowing it, working through it, and doing my best. It ain’t easy. But I’m doing. Just like you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling all the “a lot” of this season, or in general and you are also trying to numb less.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Dropping My College Kid Off Again: Why Goodbye Still Hurt

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I did not expect to respond the way I did. I thought it would be easy, seamless, but it wasn’t. I mean it was, until I was alone. Then it hit me hard. Since I dropped my son at college in August, I’ve had the privilege of seeing him four times before this past weekend! Granted one of those was the ER visit, and all were quick visits, but still, they were touch points. They were moments to see him, tell him I love him, laugh together, share a meal, care for him, etc.

I left each time feeling okay, so it was easy. I surprised myself each time I left. I didn’t cry, not even a tear. My son was thriving, happy, so I felt happy, good. But yesterday, something hit different and I cried the minute I got in my minivan to drive home. Maybe it was because this time as we drove up to campus – arriving together from our home, he said, “ah, feels good to be back home.” Ouch.

And also, yes. There was so much truth in his statement, and it was a statement he should feel, that I would want him to feel. I so very much want him to feel that the college he chose feels like home. Home *should* feel safe, welcoming, supportive, loving, fun and for my son, his college experience currently feels like home, and that is a mother’s dream come true. But it also hurts, a good hurt because he is good, but a sad one too, you know?

A total grorange moment. Sad because it reminds me of the truth of where we are in life; of the changing season. It reminds me that he now spends more time away from me, than with me. It reminds me that he now is on his own, as he should be, and that our togetherness is just different. Not bad, just different.

It reminds me of all the doubts I still carry about the times we had in our *home*

Did I get it right? (Is there even a right? Yes and no.)
Did I do good? (I did my best and still try, we all do.)
Did I do enough? (I did what I could with what I knew at the time, with what energy I had under the circumstances, at the time.)
Did I create a home that was just as happy to come home to as he feels about college? (I know not a fair comparison, I can’t and won’t compare to college friends!)
Did I create a home that felt safe, loving, welcoming, supportive, and all the good things a home should be? (I sure as heck tried and think I did an okay job. That I feel confident saying.)
Did I show up for him the way I wanted to as a mom? (Yes and no, but when I think of the no, I also think of how I then made changes and that counts. None of us are perfect.)

So yeah, lol a simple drop off yesterday was quite emotional afterwards. Who knew. –>That’s the thing. Big emotions, you never know when they are going to just appear. Gray Happens folks and that’s okay.

We still show up and work through ’em. Let’s be real, we show up because what’s the alternative? It’s one we don’t want. Ignoring the gray bites us in the arse later on, leaves us feeling even heavier, so showing is a good choice, even if it kinda stinks in the moment.

We show up because that’s who we are; because we choose to even though it’s hard. We choose to show up because we are determined to work through the gray – whatever it is, grief, challenges, obstacles, heavy emotions, feeling blech, light emotions, whatever – so we can get to feeling better, lighter.

So yep, I sat there, processing, wondering, questioning, enjoying the sun on my face as I cried softly, college kids walking by no doubt seeing me. Oh well. Eventually I was done:) I started the car and headed to the nearest 7-11 to get a diet coke and peanut m&m’s for my drive home, my go-to comfort foods for the longish drive. They feel like home to me;) A little while into my drive home, I called my kiddo, told him I loved him, how proud I was of him and how happy I am that he feels at home at college.

It was all true, even if the truth also feels a little sad. Grorange. Both/and. When Gray Happens, We Show Up. However you wanna say it. It’s all true. It felt good to talk to him. And no lie, it also felt good to come home to just 3 kids because I miss my oldest and also, 3 kids is easier in some ways! Oh the complexities of life;) How about you? How are you feeling today? Gray and charge-y? Orange and all warm and fuzzy and determined?

Gr—>orange? All of the above?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling a little off, but also perhaps a little lighter, after spending fall break with your kiddo.

xoxo Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Christmas Gift I Never Forgot — and the Woman I Just Learned I Lost

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*Trigger warning, perhaps grab tissues, I know I should have* I wasn’t able to keep up with all the supportive comments yesterday as I received some devastating news midday. Oddly enough, it was right in keeping with the message of yesterday’s post – BE KIND.

Every December I write a post (shoot, and here come the tears again, they kinda haven’t stopped since yesterday afternoon) about the first Christmas after I got divorced.

I got divorced in November. It was either a few days before or after Thanksgiving. How’s that for timing? Needless to say I wasn’t really feeling the holiday spirit and if you have followed me long enough, you know I LOVE Christmas. Like, it’s my favorite time of year. It was hard that year though, for obvious reasons. I felt lonelier than ever. I felt worse about myself, than ever. I felt more doubt about my future, than ever. I felt more down, than ever.

So yeah, it was hard knowing Christmas was coming and that I wasn’t in the spirit? Well that just made it harder. I didn’t want to miss out on something so important to me. I just couldn’t lift my own spirits. Christmas for me isn’t about getting presents; it’s about creating magic and memories for and with my kids.

That said, it is nice to receive at least one gift and know that someone is thinking of you, you know? I knew that year, there wouldn’t be any presents for me under the tree when I came down Christmas morning. I knew I would have to wait until my parents arrived later that afternoon. This was a hard pill to swallow and it was bringing my spirits down even more. Right before the holiday break though, a package was delivered to my door.

I was PTO president that year and had become close with the Principal. We shared a lot in common. She too was going through a divorce. She too loved talking about leadership and obviously education. She too had children with ADHD. And she too, clearly liked to do nice things for others because the package was from her. “DREAM.” How appropriate. That is what the handwritten ornament said that laid on the coziest blanket I had yet to own.

Included was also a gift card to Barnes & Noble, Victoria’s Secret, and one to Dunkin’ Donuts. It was a gift basket inviting me to get some cozy pajamas, a hot cup of coffee and then curl up and read a good book. It was a gift to ensure that when I was by myself over the break, I had something to do…that I wasn’t totally “by myself.” The tears came to my eyes then, as they do now, the minute I saw the gift. The thoughtfulness was second to none.

That was in 2016. Nine years ago and it still, STILL warms my heart. That gift got me through my first Christmas divorced. That gift made me

*feel seen
*feel understood
*feel supported
*feel a heck of a lot less alone.

That gift gave me a “flicker of light,” to get through the holiday season. It was the nudge I needed to keep going on the hard days, the days I wanted to crawl back and in bed and hide or just bawl my eyes out. That gift was a lifeline. It invited me to dream of the future; of better moments, of better days, of better feelings.

I learned yesterday that the gift giver passed away unexpectedly. My heart broke when I read the news.

I used the phrase “flicker of light” directly from her obituary. Turns out, she had been the recipient of many “flickers of light” in her own life, during many of her own challenges, of which she had plenty and honestly, way too many. Her family was as grateful to those who gave to her, as I was to her. It was those “flickers of light” that kept my “gift giver” going for all the years that life tried so hard to weigh her down.

She was often misunderstood. But to me? Well, I understood her. And to me she had been nothing, absolutely nothing, but kind, thoughtful. To me, she had been one of the few people willing to listen to me. BE REAL during a REALly hard time. There aren’t a lot of people who have the heart, the courage, or the willingness to do that. I will never, ever forget that gift. I won’t forget the physical gift either, but the gift of letting me be real? Of letting me feel seen and understood? I won’t forget that either.

So I repeat, Be Kind, you never know the power or impact of one small action. And to my gift giver, one last thank you. Thank you for the gifts, and thank you for doing what you loved to do in your last days – teach.

Although I wish your passing didn’t have to be what made me really, REALly come to full realization of what I wanted to do with my life, it did. You taught me what my heart has always wanted and gave me the clarity I’ve been seeking for years. You gave me a final gift. Thank you, again. Your kindness of spirit will continue, I promise. Rest in peace. You deserve it. And to everyone here in this community, thank you for being here. Thank you for being kind, because I know you are. You always show such kindness to me and to everyone here through your comments.

Here, I
*feel seen
*feel understood
*feel supported
*feel a heck of a lot less alone and that, well that is just amazing. I hope you feel the same.

Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always, and today I also send the reminder that it’s okay if you aren’t feeling strong today. Here, here you don’t have to be. Here, you can breathe, be at ease, and let your guard down. You don’t have to have it all together here.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

To everyone who is new here since yesterday, welcome and sorry for such a heavy post as your introduction to this community!

That said, this is me! I write about everything on my heart. I don’t hide. I believe in being real and I don’t really know any other way;) Besides, I know that we must experience the ups and the downs in life; the grays and the oranges so that we can truly live the life we want and be the person we want. We need the warm, uplifting orange moments to make the grays bearable and the grays well, gray happens. We can’t ignore them.

We need to acknowledge them and move through them so they don’t grow and cast a huge shadow on the bright, orange moments.

Adult Friendship: Why I Want More Than Three Local Friends

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I don’t have a lot of friends, at least not locally. And I’ll be honest, I wish I had a few more than three. Not because I need a lot, but because it’s fun to go out to dinner with a group sometimes, you know? And share a bunch of laughs, instead of a few? And also because each friend has different interests that overlap with yours so it’s nice to have a few of ’em.

Because every friend brings different thoughts, perspectives, and more so it helps expand your own thoughts and perspectives.

So yeah, sometimes I wish I had more friends, or at least, more friends locally. Does it mean I don’t love the few friends I have? Nah. Love ’em to pieces and am so grateful for them. It just means, sometimes I long for a little more. Some of the friend situations are my own doing because I’m not very good at keeping in touch. I have a couple of close friends in town who I rarely see. Our schedules hardly overlap and even if they do, I’m not great at reaching out ahead of time to see IF they do have plans that week or even the next.

And some of it’s my own doing because I haven’t put the effort in to meet new people. I haven’t put myself out there. I haven’t gone to events or joined groups with like minded people that I would connect with.

But then again, if I hardly have time for myself and the great friends I do have, why would I add more things to my “to do” list? It kinda doesn’t make sense, but also kinda does, ya know? Human connection is a necessity. Not just a want, a necessity. Please tell me this makes sense lol. And some of my friend situation is my own doing because, well, I’m me and my family is my family. They say when you get older you meet people and make friends through your kids.

Well, my kids aren’t overly involved in local activities so there’s that. And me? Well, I don’t party. I am not married. I’m REAL and am not fake. I seem to just stand on the outside of things, welcomed, but then not included. I don’t know. I just don’t seem to be invited to things or reached out for my number to grab coffee. At least, not that much. I’ve accepted it. It just, well, stinks. ALL THIS SAID…I have an amazing, uplifting story to share from the other day. And before you ask, yes, yes it also brought tears at the end of the day, tears of gratitude.

A few weeks ago, I got a random facebook message. Long story short, a mom from the college my son is going to connected some dots between people she knew and pages she and I are both on and figure out that her son and my son might have some things in common. She had also found a few other moms with sons with similar journeys. All of us live within 15 minutes of each other and one lives in California. Six of us have been texting the last month.

Sharing our fears. Asking questions. Giving support. Celebrating graduations. Experiencing similar emotions, together, that others might not understand. Talk about a gift.

Well, Thursday I got to meet two of the moms. Ladies…rare is the time where I have walked up to two women who I have never met and felt at ease. Am I right? I know you know what I mean. Rare is the time where I have met new women and just felt, well, like I could be me; where I could speak freely about my journey as the mom of my son; where I could share freely, honestly, openly without fear of judgement. Rare is the time when I could make jokes and laugh with people I JUST MET not minutes ago.

I spent all day with these ladies. It was amazing. We took a picture at the end of the day and I joked that we will take one again in four years. We all laughed and said, well hopefully four and not five or six;) The thing is, I truly feel we will all be together again in four years (or five or six) to take that photo. Oh how I hope so.

We are all getting together with our sons tomorrow. I can’t wait. I have been longing for this for so long. Soooo long. What a gift. Which brings me to my final point. One of the sessions they actually spoke of just this desire… BeLong(ing) that is. That is how they showed it on the screen. Their wish, their goal, is to ensure all students feel as if they belong because they know everyone has a longing for it. I had been longing to feel accepted. We all have that longing. To get that feeling though, it helps to be around the right people.

Those people aren’t just kind, those people have similar interests, similar journeys, similar a lot of things. Some things are different for sure, that helps us all to grow (there is beauty in differences!!!!) but similarities help us to feel as if we BeLong. I hope you all feel as if you BeLong here.

And I hope if you get nothing else from yet another long post from me 🙂 you feel inspired to take action to build up friendships that I know you are longing for – or reinforcing the ones you have. Tell me, share with me, how do you feel about your friendship circle these days? I have a hunch many of you might be feeling similar to me…

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you totally got this post.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Never Underestimate the Power of a Small Act of Kindness

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PSA: Never underestimate the power of an act of kindness. Ever. Also, controversial post coming. Kinda. For some it is, for me, it is so far from it.

My day started out pretty rough yesterday, hence no post. I will share about it tomorrow when I am one more day removed from it.

Today I will share what helped me come out of the gray patch. **** It was 5:15am and tears were running down my face. I tried my hardest to recover. To pull myself out of, well, some pretty cruddy, self-defeating, do me no good feelings. The struggle was real and I wasn’t winning. I called my mom to share one thousand different thoughts about all sorts of things and she said to me, “Well, you know what The Orange Rhino would say, right?” I knew where she was going.

My mom is wayyy more overly positive than I am. I am more realist than she is. Yes, yes I am an optimist. Yes, yes I look for the positive, for the bright spots. Absolutely, positive-friggin-lutely. (Yes, yes I also have a wee bit of a sailor’s mouth, sorry!) However, I also, unapologetically, believe that it is 1000% okay to admit to and fully feel the feels FIRST before seeing the positive, before being an optimist.

In fact, I emphatically believe it is necessary. And I told my mom that. “MOM. NO. That is not what The Orange Rhino would say. She would say, it is okay to not feel happy right this moment. It is okay to not be able to see the bright spots right now because sometimes, sometimes LIFE IS JUST HARD. Sometimes life just HURTS. Sometimes, sometimes no matter how many mental health tricks we try, no matter how well we talk to ourselves, no matter how well we process and rationalize what has happened, IT STILL STINKS and in the moment there is no bright spot.

The Orange Rhino would say, mom, to feel that, to honor that, to hold space for those feelings so they can breathe…SO THAT I CAN BREATHE and not be suffocated by the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. The Orange Rhino would say, let it out, let it flow freely so it can flow through you and you can move forward, a little bit lighter because it is THEN that you can see the bright spots and have space, MORE SPACE to let them in and fully embrace them.”

“Okay,” my mom said. “Yep. Got it.”

Y’all, my mom is reading this;) so here’s a bright spot for her;) at least I had someone to call. I know many of you will read this and wish you still had your mom to call. Hugs to you. And mom, here is another bright spot for ya. And here’s where the PSA comes into play. I hope The Orange Rhino I’m writing about is reading this! Not two hours after I got home, I saw a car I didn’t recognize driving past my house.

Our house number is not exactly easy to find. Y’all. Yesterday was my birthday and this Orange Rhino, a most wonderful person who I know from here and there but have never had the honor of actually grabbing lunch or coffee with, just chatting with at exercise class or in the bleachers, was at my door with flowers. She didn’t know about my morning. She was just being herself. Thoughtful. Kind.

And it turned my ENTIRE DAY around. It made me feel seen, loved. It gave me hope. One act. Probably took here ten, maybe fifteen minutes.

And it changed hours of my life. Take the time. Do the act. For someone else, or for yourself. The investment is worth it. I guarantee it. Be the warm, bright in someone’s day. You won’t regret it. And while you’re at. Be real and true to yourself. You won’t regret it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are needing a friend to show up at your door right now with flowers. Please know, that if I won the lottery today, I would be sending flowers to all of you daily to let you know I see you, I get you, and I’m rooting for you.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Life Feels Hard and You’re Afraid to Say It Out Loud

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I’ve had a hard couple of days. And not just because it took me way longer to fully get better than I hoped. And not just because this meant that I couldn’t do things that helped me be in a good mind space: exercise, walk outside, hang with friends.

But because I’m having a hard time with this thing called LIFE. Time for transparency 🙂 (And pause. Do I dare share how I really feel right now? Will I be misunderstood? Judged? Do I want to be this vulnerable? I don’t know. Let’s write and see what comes out. Don’t you all love how I talk to myself midpost lol?)

I’m “bored.”

I’m finding life to be monotonous; everyday is the same ole, same ole. It’s uninspiring, unfulfilling. It’s anything but fun. The daily grind is simply weighing me down right now. I have so many daily needs that I have to get to that I can’t get to what I want to get to 🙁

I’m frustrated.

I’m finding parenting my four teens to be a never ending question of “is it ever going to click?” All of them are having me questioning my parenting, myself, right now. Frustrating is an understatement. I know I am a good parent and yet…and yet…really guys?!!!

I’m worried.

I’m finding myself not where I hoped I’d be work wise or finance wise by now. I’m finding myself wondering if many aspects of my life will work out okay, especially my kiddos.

I’m tired.

I’m finding it takes a lot of energy to keep going, to remain engaged, when one is bored, frustrated and worried. Like a lot, a lot. It’s hard to stay upbeat and energetic when one doesn’t have a lot of sources of positive, uplifting moments.

Right now, life is depleting, not giving. Or rather, it is taking more than it’s giving. This place gives me a lot:) but the rest of life is simply taking at a rapid pace and I can’t keep up.

So I guess you could summarize all of this with…

I’m struggling.

I realized this weekend that some of what I need to help me is what I’m missing: laughter, fun, in person human connection and clarity. I can’t make the daily grind disappear. I can’t change my kiddos current actions. I can’t make my life journey go any faster.

But I can add and create some positive oomph to my days. I can proactively add some orange energy to warm up the grayness. I can make plans with friends. I can watch a funny movie. I can adjust my exercise to give me more energy. I can reflect on my goals to get more clarity. I am struggling, but I can take action so that the struggle doesn’t win.

I’ve been there before, where the struggle won. I started yelling again. I stopped seeing as much beauty around me. It was blech. I don’t plan on going back there again. I’ve got one toe in that zone. The good news? I’m aware.

And I know what I gotta do. The other good news? I know where I want to go, I know where I don’t want to go and I know what I want to feel. I feel positive and hopeful that while I might still struggle, because I am human after all and these seasons happen, I will be okay. I will keep going.

And I guess I will post this after all. At least for a couple of minutes while I debate if it should stay up 😉 So, what will you do today to energize yourself and wrap yourself in positive energy so that the daily grind doesn’t win and bring you down?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling bored, worried, tired or any of what I shared above. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*remember, I’m not a mental health expert. This is just me sharing my human experience. If you are having a hard time in life, know you aren’t alone and if you feel like you need help, please reach out to a professional for support. There is no shame in doing so. I talk to a therapist weekly 🙂 xoxo

Make the Plans: Why Time With Friends Is Worth Prioritizing

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Okay, I normally don’t directly give advice because I firmly believe that within each of us, we know what we need and what is best for us and that the last thing we truly need is more advice. BUT, today, today I am giving you direct advice. More than advice actually. I am boldly telling you what to do.

Because I love ya 😉 I want you to read this post and then immediately take action to make plans with a friend or friends within the next week or sooner. I also don’t like to write just do it but…just do it!

Yesterday, I had so many positive interactions with friends that today I am overflowing with positive energy, strength, determination, courage and yes, even hope. And honestly, I just feel better. I feel renewed. Refreshed. I feel human. I feel alive. These are some needed and overdue feelings from these past weeks of back to school go-go-go.

Yesterday, I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I laughed so hard I *almost* peed in my pants. I can not remember the last time any of this happened. Oh, oh how I missed this kind of connection. The kind of connection where I smiled so wide that my heart cried. It happily cried from being understood, from being accepted, from being validated.

My heart happily cried from not feeling *weird* or different or *broken.*

My heart happily cried from rejoicing that it, that I, wasn’t alone, that my feelings were shared by others, that I could share with others without being judged.

My friends (that’s you all!) I know we all crave and so very much need connection.I look forward to the day when we get together and laugh as we share stories from our days and cry from sharing other stories.

But until then, I encourage you, I tell you, to reach out to one person and meet with them in person this week. You will feel soooo much better from it. I know we are busy and sometimes hesitant or even afraid to make plans. I know for many of us, placing the call, writing the text, making the plans, will take effort and maybe even feel uncomfortable after all these months or years.

But I also know that the comfort that will come after the little get together will be worth it. Beyond worth it. I almost didn’t have the chit chats I had yesterday. I was too busy. Too worried to share. Too uncomfortable. Too afraid to be rejected. I am so glad that I decided to be uncomfortable and to go there.

Because the comfort I found in the discomfort has me floating today. Happy Saturday to my Orange Rhino friends. I am grateful for you just as much as I am grateful for the local gals in my life.

Sending my warmth to go with the strength I know you have, today and always, and especially if you too sometimes crave more in person connection and struggle to make it happen…but will this week;) hint hint (not subtle at all)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino