Tag Archives: Confidence

One Year Without Alcohol: What I’ve Learned About Sobriety

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1 year (and 1 week) of no alcohol. Honestly, I never thought I would be sharing that. I never thought I’d be setting a goal to stop drinking. I mean sure, I gave up alcohol four times during my pregnancies and when I nursed, but that was different. I knew that was short lived. And honestly, life was less stressful then. I didn’t crave alcohol back then. There were so many times this year when I didn’t think I would make it through the year. As recently as December.

“Screw it,” I thought to myself just weeks ago. “I’ve made it this far, I’m just having a drink. I need it.”

“Nope Sheil. Same logic. You’ve made it this far. Keep going. One more day. Have hot chocolate instead. Have a tonic and lime. Rim a glass with sugar and pour in cranberry seltzer. Anything else to relax. You don’t actually need a drink to feel better.”

It wasn’t easy.

Saying no to the quick fix when life got loud.
Staying present in the hard moment instead of numbing.
Being in certain situations where drinks were normal.
Margaritas poolside.
Red wine by the fire.
Cosmos at my favorite restaurant.
Gin and tonics on Friday nights.
Realizing how much I missed alcohol and wanting to feel better (which really meant, it was the right decision to be walking away from it not just for a year, but in general…which really meant acknowledging it was indeed, an issue.)
Feeling isolated in social situations, being the one not drinking.
Or being ignored at a restaurant once the waitress realizes your bill will be less because you aren’t ordering alcohol. (That was fascinating.)

So yeah this past year wasn’t easy.

But I did it.

One no to the drink, one yes to my goal, at a time. And it feels good. On so many levels. Better sleep. Better skin 🙂 Better health. More self-confidence. Only area for improvement? The taste lol. Definitely need to find more options! It doesn’t taste so good!! Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support along the way. They have meant so much. And congrats to all of you in this community who are on a similar journey and also going one moment, one step at a time!

I have a lot more to say on this topic and am curious if there is interest 🙂 It kinda reminds me of another topic I wrote about years ago. A taboo topic where people wanted to talk about it, but also were hesitant too. Send me a DM or drop a comment if interested.

Sending my warmth to you on this Wednesday,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What My Broken Fireplace Taught Me About Coming Back to Life, Differently

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I know many of you can relate to the state of my fireplace. On the surface, it is “broken” and unable to be used. The inside needs repair in order to function safely. And yet, it isn’t actually broken. Neither are we. When I bought this house 18 years ago, we decided not to fix it. “We won’t ever use this fireplace.” “The other one is more important.” “The other one will get more use.” “Other things need more fixing.” “We will get around to it someday.” Hmm…sound familiar?!

The ashes from fires built years before? They’re still there. Literally never even cleaned them out. The fireplace sat, dirty, sooty-ish for years. Never used, just looked at. Last year, I moved the dining room into this room (which was the living room) and decided I had enough. The fireplace needed to come back to life, one way or another. It needed to find warmth again. It needed to flicker again. It needed to glow again.

It, I, had enough of just sitting, not doing what it was meant to do. Restoring it to how it originally worked? Not an option. Finding a new path? Totally an option. Hello battery operated flickering candles. Thank you for doing the job! I have felt like this fireplace. Broken. Without flicker. Wondering how I will come back to life and function the way I feel I was meant to. I longed to return to my “glory days” the way I “used to” function.

But the thing is I am no longer that person. Returning to “her” isn’t entirely possible. Even if I could, the return would be different. Similar core, but still different. Accepting this hasn’t been easy.

But alas, here I am. Flickering, differently. Same body, same goal of bringing warmth and feeling it myself, different type of flicker, different way of achieving the flicker. Curious to know…how many of you can relate? Where are you in your fireplace journey? Feeling broken? (So not alone there my friends!) Still figuring out your candle equivalent? (It takes time and yeah, being patient kinda stinks.) Flickering fully? (Do tell! Share, share, share!) Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always and especially if you are feeling more broken than flickering right now. I hope warmth finds you today, perhaps in knowing others in this community feel the same. I’ve been there. I still feel that some days too. I see you. I feel with you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Five Words I Keep Journaling Until I Actually Listen

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I kept coming back to the same three thoughts yesterday. I sat outside, journaling in hopes of finding clarity. Sometimes when I journal, I give myself prompts, questions, to help guide me and uncover how I’m really feeling. Other times, I just write and see what comes out.

Yesterday, the same words kept coming out. Thinking I should start listening to them and I don’t know, do something to act on them?! Those words were: Live. Lighter. Help. Regret. Give.

I want to wake up excited that my day holds opportunities to give and help others, especially those who have been in my shoes; especially those who feel unseen, misunderstood, alone and doubting if it will get better or if they will get through the day. (News splash…it will and you will, it just might not be wrapped up in a pretty, perfect, package and just as you expected.) I want to wake up and know that I am going to really live – live fully, live freely; live aligned and live alive.

No more going through the day just taking random steps or doing what I think I should do. Nope.
I want to take intentional steps as often as possible because I remember what matters to me.
I want to take steps that take me towards the life I want to live and the me I want to be.
I want to go through the day feeling light because I didn’t let the weight of the day get to me or hold me back and especially not weigh me day.
I want to go to sleep without feeling shame or regret.
I don’t want to feel shame for how I acted; towards others, towards myself, towards my goals.
I don’t want to regret not being present because of how I acted (or didn’t act.)
It’s a tall order, all of these things. But is it? I don’t think it actually is. We can’t get to where we want to be without knowing where we want to go. This is where I want to go.

This is how I want to start my day, go through my day and end my day. Oh, and I want to do it all with the knowledge that it won’t always go this way, not even close. Nope. Not even close.

So I also want to go through the day with the reminder to just go with the flow, the best I can, knowing that the ups and downs, the grays and oranges, are all part of the day. And, I want to go through the day with a little nudge in my side reminding me of all of this because I keep forgetting it!!! For real. I keep friggin’ forgetting what matters to me. My mind is so overwhelmed and on overdrive and on automatic that I just go and don’t stop and audit and remember to ask…

WAIT. Is that what I want? Is this where I want to be? Is this moving me towards where I want to go? I don’t forget because I’m broken. And no, perimenopause and my ADHD aren’t helping. Neither are the demands of life.

But honestly, I forget because I’m human and it is easy to forget if I don’t make remembering a priority. LOL. Oh the irony. I have to remember to remember…what matters. OOF. As if. SO yeah. Working on a way to do just that.

Because I’m tired of ending the day and thinking, wondering, wtf?! Where did the day go? Was it a good day? Do I feel good about the day?

Because I’m tired of ending the day and feeling…yet again…like I’m not seizing the day, seizing the time I have with myself, my family, this life. I’m not talking hustle culture ladies. I’m talking heart-led culture. I’m talking following my heart to live the life I know I want and that is okay to want. There is so much unspoken pressure to not say, to not feel, that we want more.

Well, I want more. Not more things, but more from my day and from myself. I’m okay saying that. I need to say it more. In fact, I want to yell it from the roof tops. I don’t want to settle and just walk like a robot through my days. I want to skip. I want to jump. I want to twirl. I want to sit when I need to, when I want to. I don’t want to be on autopilot with shame or regret in the passenger seats. I want to be really connected to my goals and what matters to me, personally, professionally and as a parent.

I don’t want to lose sight of those goals. I want them to drive my day. Period. And I know I have to start standing stronger in that voice if I want to get out of autopilot. I have to stop feeling ashamed for wanting more and for having goals. It is absolutely okay to feel this way! I used to yell at my kids too much. I used to yell at myself too much. I still yell a little bit at all of us…always a work in progress, far from perfect.

But now, now I’m going to yell, as in to speak loudly, about what matters to me, so I hear loud and clear, and don’t forget. At least that is my goal;) –> What about you? –>What would you yell about, loud and clearly so you don’t forget?! –>What matters most to you that keeps getting pushed aside? Need help remembering? Just know that as you ponder these questions, you aren’t the only one wondering or struggling with them…and I’m not just talking about me!

Lots of us are. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post hit a loving, sore nerve. Thinking of you extra. Tell me how I can help you, for real.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Doing the Scary Thing Anyway: What I’m Learning About Confidence

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***Am I really going to press post?! Yep. It’s April and April is for being audacious…in a positive way. Here goes nothing!***

So, I did a thing recently and last night, oh last night I was starting to question myself…big time. Discomfort rolled in and rolled over me. Self-doubt tried to flatten me.

And then, then I remembered what I wrote earlier in the day – my word of the month for April: AUDACIOUS. Ladies, let’s be AUDACIOUS this month. Yep, I want people to say “the audacity of her!” I want ME to say, “the audacity of you! GO YOU!” And so, so I share this message with this picture. I haven’t shared it because I was embarrassed by it. It feels too, well, not me, right? Too glamorous. It’s bold. It’s courageous to share it.

It’s out of my comfort zone. And so, so I share it with you all as a first step in being a little more audacious this month…

Now to post before I don’t – and then to come back and explain more;) Okay, it’s posted and I’m back. So the thing I did? I joined a group of women to support each other in building our companies. I’ve fully accepted I can’t do it alone. I need the mental, intellectual and communal support. There is nothing better than being surrounded by people who get you, fully see you, and lift you up. Asking people who don’t get you, your dreams, your challenges, for support can be defeating, soul-sucking and create more obstacles to growth.

Been there. Done that. Rinsed and repeated. No More. The bold part? The group I joined is a bunch of women way, and I mean, way younger than me. Hotter than me too. Like, these ladies, no kids yet. Youth is on their side. Energy is on their side. Time is on their side. I am intimidated by them for all those reasons. I don’t fit it. AT ALL. This scared me at first. I almost didn’t say yes.

And then I realized…I could learn so much from what I am afraid of. I could gain so much from their energy, their youthfulness, their knowledge. There is a saying, that I will now destroy lol, that you are a sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. There is so much truth to it. More loosely, who you surround yourself with – their mindset, their energy, their attitudes, their outlooks etc.. – they are indeed, and scientifically proven, contagious.

Choose wisely. Choose BOLDLY. Make choices that will brighten your day, lift your spirits, help you not just chase your dreams, but get you closer to your dreams. Make choices that will leave you feeling lighter at the end of the day, not heavier. Make choices that will help you break through any and all obstacles you face so that you can live the life you want, you need, you deserve. It’s April. Be Audacious. Be Bold.

Be Courageous. Be Bright. Feel lighter as a result.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you aren’t feeling it today. Your strength lies within you every day, some days more so than others.

But everyday, everyday it is there, growing or re-building. I believe in you. I believe in all of us.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino