Tag Archives: Work

The Fortune Cookie That Made Me Laugh on a Terrible Day

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I almost spit out my wonton soup. We don’t wait until dinner is over to open our fortune cookies. I know, I know. Dinner first, dessert afterward. Whatever. Chinese food is awesome, but the fortune is the best part. And Saturday night’s fortune was priceless. Quick rewind. Saturday was beyond a shite storm. I returned from vacation to life beyond life’ing. All vacation vibes were gone within hours. Isn’t it fun when that happens?!

Some “highlights.” Flight was delayed so we got home at midnight. Woke up late to rush and pick up a sick dog at 8 am. Kids came home early (which is great, I just wasn’t ready for them.) And an ER vet visit at 10:30 pm. WOO HOO! Fun times! Between the kids coming home and the ER vet visit, it was dinner time.

But because of the flash floods and our sick Hope, we hadn’t made it to the grocery store. And with the rain, my honest-to-goodness exhaustion, and lack of shower, I had zero desire to go to any restaurant.

But we had to eat. And I (and a few teens I happen to know) were HANGRY! So we ordered Chinese food and I crossed every finger that some lovely soul would be willing to deliver food in this rain. And yes, all of these seemingly irrelevant previous details matter. Why? I was spent. Kaput. Total gonzer. Vacation away from my home had been great.

But I always struggle on vacation with the pull between relaxing and catching up. Divorce has plenty of curses and a few hidden blessings. Oh, hello there, gray and orange! One of those blessings is occasionally having a week when my kids are away and I can truly choose how to use my time.

And I want to utilize the heck out of it. I want to 1000% soak up the quiet and the ability to do whatever the heck it is I want, or need.

But sometimes what I want and need doesn’t look like traditional self-care. It isn’t always walking on the beach, reading a book, or enjoying the quiet. Sometimes getting something done is what helps me feel better. I had plans to work on well, work;) I had plans to read a few educational books on subjects I’ve been wanting to learn about. I had plans to be productive. Self-care has lots of forms. I didn’t check a lot of the boxes.

I checked some on my vacation, but not a lot. I came home relaxed, yet also a little disappointed in all I didn’t get done in my week off.

And then stress kicked up 1,000 notches with all the gray that happened. So here I was. At the kitchen table. Relaxed from vacation, but not totally. And stressed from the day’s gray happenings.

And I opened my fortune cookie. And I almost spit out my wonton soup. I couldn’t even read it out loud. So my son did. It said, and I shite you not, “Invest in quality self-care products.” Oh, okay, let me get right on that. Oh wait, I already had. After I swallowed my soup, I admit it, I laughed. The irony was so good. So, so good. Just as good as the meal I did not cook and the plates I did not clean. That was the self-care I purchased that day. What non-traditional self-care are you doing today? Sending warmth to you today, especially if surviving shite storms are currently your speciality as well. Solidarity my friends, solidarity.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

“Run the Dishwasher Twice”: Permission to Make Everyday Life Easier

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“Run the dishwasher twice.” Or even three times. I saw this in an article yesterday and loved it. The article was about mental health. A woman shared that she was struggling and didn’t know what to share with her therapist that day. I never have that challenge. But I get it. Oh do I get it. Sometimes everything is SO much that you don’t even know where to start. What to say. What to even admit out loud. It is just all too much.

And now Dave Matthews is singing in my head, “Too much to say. Too much to say.” And the song’s lyrics are so uncanny. Which brings me right back to the article. There is an unspoken rule that we should talk about the weather sometimes, right? When we have too much to say?

When our feelings are too heavy? Well in the article, the therapist asked the woman, loosely, what is the one thing on your mind weighing you down? She was afraid, embarrassed to admit that it was the dishes. How she always had to scrub them before washing them because the dishwasher didn’t work well.

“Run the dishwasher twice,” the therapist replied. The freedom. The lightness. The weight lifted. “Who says you can’t do that? Whose rule is it anyway?”

Sometimes you have to do what you need to do to feel good. My life is hard right now. I’m trying to not go there because I know people don’t want to read heavy stuff every day. I mean, I don’t want to read heavy stuff every day. I’d rather talk about the weather every day, like people say we are supposed to when we don’t feel great. And trust me, I get it. I’d rather report that every day is sunny and gorgeous and oh my god, it is just WONDERFUL. But right now, my life is more gray than orange.

So I’m trying to figure out what rules I want to follow and not follow to feel good. Which is why I loved this article. The weight lifted that came with the simple solution. –> –> –> The lovely defiance in it. It reminded me of the day I said to myself, “WEAR the darn jeans that are a size bigger!” So many people tell you not to keep jeans that are a size up. You know, the jeans that “used to fit” before you lost a little weight.

I wholeheartedly disa-friggin-gree. There is nothing worse than starting the day with pants that feel tight. Nothing worse.

And that feeling leads to a domino effect of blech feelings. Start the day feeling as confident as possible. Wear clothes that feel good. I have jeans in 3 sizes. And I’m grateful for all 3 sizes. Life is like a box of chocolates? You never know what you’re gonna get?

Well my hips and my body’s ability to retain water? I never know what I’m gonna get. I want to feel good in my body, in my day. I’ll run the dishwasher twice if I need to. I’ll keep backup jeans.

And I will keep posting content that doesn’t follow rules. Tell us all…lets get a nice little chit chat going… –> What is one rule that everyone says you “should” follow that you decided, “Eh, yeah, not so much.” Do tell! Give us all inspiration and help us feel a bit lighter today. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How I Found a Formal Dress in 24 Hours Without Leaving the House

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24 hours to find a brand new dress, without leaving the house. Formal. Conservative. Not too expensive as I knew I wouldn’t wear it more than once. And had to cover my huge patch on my stitches. Oh, and I refused to go shopping on Memorial Day with all the crowds besides the fact that I didn’t have time. Ready, set, GO! Yep. Late Sunday night, I discovered the wedding we had last night had a slightly different dress code than I expected.

I looked online at the three major department stores at the local mall. Nothing on sale seemed to work. I had zero desire to hit the mall and loads to do at home anyways. Then I realized, wait, why not try Amazon?! 10 dresses showed up…late. Not before 10am on Tuesday but at 3:30 pm and we were leaving at 5:00. Fun times. I hoped something would work…and if something did, that I would somehow be able to try on all the dresses, get showered, get my hair and makeup done, and be ready on time.

Miracle of all miracles, check out this $47 find on Amazon. I’ll take it! And I’ll wear it again. Loved it! The wedding was gorgeous. Glowing bride, beaming groom, pink and orange flowers and fun live music. Lots of orange all around.

Here’s to “miracles” happening and love blooming. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Gray Hijacks a Productive Day: How I Try Not to Add More Gray

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I said I wouldn’t hide. So here I am. Struggling, and sharing how I’m refusing to stay stuck. I wrote this yesterday. I was excited(ish).

Finally, a non-rushed shower. Makeup. Hair actually blown out. Time dedicated to me, my work, my goals. I sat down. Focused. Motivated. BOOM. Orange emotions disappeared. Gray happened.

Here’s what I wrote in my more personal, diary-of-sorts.

* I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I really, really am. I’m tired of watching everyone around me move forward while I move at a snail’s pace.

*I’m tired of so many interruptions in my schedule.

*I’m tired of being jealous of others, even when I know jealousy can be a useful indicator of what matters to me. Even when I know comparison is the thief of joy, it has been my reality this week, and I’m trying to honor it so I can work through it.

*I’m tired of seeing “understand your nervous system, manage your nervous system, it’s all about your nervous system!” And “manifest more, manifest better, manifest clearer.” I know, I know, I know. And also, sometimes there is truly more to it. I’m drained. I’m trying.

* I’m tired of hearing everyone suggest I’m not doing it right or not doing enough. I know that is likely my mind playing tricks on me. But still, I feel criticized more than supported.

* I’m tired of being told, “be patient” and “it’s your busy season, your time will come” and “but you’re a stay-at-home mom and that matters.” YES. AND…

*I’m tired of parenting solo and all that comes with it.

*I’m tired of my stories, my histories, and all that got me to this parenting-solo bit. I have dreams I’m trying to make happen. Dreams beyond being a mom, because that is only one of my dreams. I have dreams that would fulfill me in other ways and, honestly, help make me a better mom. But right now? They feel really hard to make happen.

* I’m tired of having ADHD and a late diagnosis. Of learning how to manage it late while also raising boys with it and trying to help them understand it, process it, and manage it while I do the same.

* I’m tired of feeling alone and also, lonely. Of craving connection, nights out, more laughter. and also… Of knowing I need to reach out more. I need to connect more.

Of knowing some of my loneliness is on me… and also, some of it isn’t.

* I’m just tired.

But mostly?

Mostly I’m tired of knowing the logical, rational, mature answer to all these heavy, gray feelings. I know they will pass. I know I will get through them. I’m not a failure. I’m not stuck. I am making progress. I know my truth. I know my nervous system realities. I know my goals, my limiting beliefs, the stories I tell myself that aren’t helping.

I know all about mindset and that what we focus on grows, for better or for worse. I know I have good friends. I know I’m tired of parenting sometimes and also fully love it sometimes and will miss it when my boys fully move out. I know all the gray emotions can be true.

And I know all the orange emotions can be true too. This morning, when I sat at my kitchen table not wanting to do a darn thing, I did what I did yesterday. I asked myself: What do I need to feel better right now? What will help me get going? Not forever. Just this moment. What one step can I take?

Yesterday, I got up and took a short walk. Around the house. And today, I made myself get on the treadmill. eMOTION is one of my favorite mnemonics I learned a few years ago. Best way to change an emotion? MOTION. And later today, if life feels overwhelming again, which it likely will as I go from doctor’s appointment to doctor’s appointment and feel unproductive while my to-do list plays in my head, I will do the thing people think is cheesy but is actually wicked effective.

I will remind myself of the 7 things I’ve learned that help me get unstuck: I’m not broken or alone. This will pass. I can handle this. I can give myself compassion. I only need to take one step. What do I need to feel more at ease? Gray doesn’t get to win. Let the orange stand out. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Someone Else Has It Worse — and Your Pain Still Counts

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Do you ever have those days where you feel like your pain, your struggle, isn’t worth sharing because someone else has it worse? Have you ever been told not to complain because, guaranteed, someone else has it worse? And have you ever been in the middle of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day… wondering how you’ll make it to bedtime without collapsing… when the doorbell rings?

And there’s a delivery. And it’s for you. And for one small second, something in you shifts as a small smile spreads on your face. Not everything. And not completely.

But enough. Enough to make your struggle feel a little lighter. Enough to make you feel seen. Enough to remind you that you might actually make it through this moment. I have. This was me two days ago. Laying on the couch. Feeling crappy and crappy for myself. The doorbell rang. It was a flower delivery. I was confused. Mother’s Day had passed. The note simply said: “Congratulations.” I didn’t even know what the congratulations could be for.

I called the florist to ask who it was from. The flowers were from my fiancé. “Thanks for the flowers,” I said. “Um… what’s the congrats for?” “Congrats on making your new nonprofit official.” You read that right. Nonprofit. I’ve been dreaming of creating this for as long as my heart can remember. And it’s one step closer to happening. This happened last week. Even signed a contract for an office.

So more than one step closer actually. In all the preparation for my procedure, I lost sight of these very exciting milestones.

And then the recovery took over fast and furiously. The flowers? They didn’t fix my day, my mood, or my wound(ed heart.) They didn’t erase the hard. They didn’t make everything suddenly okay. They didn’t magically turn me into a glowing, productive human. But I didn’t go back to the couch. The flowers gave me just enough strength. Just enough energy. Just enough oomph to do a little work. They gave me just enough warmth and oomph to not lose the entire day to the couch.

They brought me back to life a little. Made me feel a little less sorry for myself. A little more seen. A little more able. Simply stated, they interrupted the gray. They brought in a little orange.

And that? Oh, the irony. Because what that moment did to me? That feeling. That pause. That tiny shift in the middle of a gray moment? That is all I’m going to say for now. Except this: It reminded me exactly why I’m building what I’m building. Why I’m so excited. Why I believe it’s needed. Why I cannot WAIT to share more.

My only wish? That I had 48 hours in a day, a team of 100 people, and fewer gray moments interrupting the progress. But alas. We build anyway. One step at a time. As Orange Rhinos do.

Sending my warmth and a little oomph.
xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

I’m Tired of Being Resilient: What I Finally Told My Therapist

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Yesterday was a hard day. I finally shared with my therapist what I’ve been feeling since February; what’s been growing slowly but heavily. “This whole repeated skin c@ncer, now high-risk situation has me feeling depressed. It’s growing. I think we need to add it to the weekly topics. I’m tired of being resilient. Of laughing with my doctors that I’ll see them soon. I’m tired of coping. I’m tired of putting on a brave, I’m-fine face.

I’m tired of pretending I’m all good. I’m tired. So, so tired.” And I am. Situational depression isn’t new to me. I’ve been there. Here. I’ve let it linger for months. I’ve fought back.

After therapy, I went back to the couch and promptly slept from 10 to 3. Healing this go-around is seemingly harder. As I went in and out of sleep, a popular thought came to me. Repeatedly. “Depression is a liar.” Depression was trying to tell me that I’d have no energy for days to come. Depression was trying to tell me that I’d lost my groove altogether. Depression was trying to tell me that it would win. Ha!! My mind knows better.

It has learned better. It, I, fought back. I refused to go back to 2016, when depression did indeed win. I started to think… What if… What if I did something bold? Years ago, almost ten to be exact, when depression rolled in, I stayed hidden and didn’t share. I figured my way out eventually and came back online in 2022.

But what if this time, I don’t hide? What if this time, I keep writing? What if I share the tools I’m using while I’m using them?

Because here’s the thing. Depression isn’t always the big “D.” Sometimes it’s a little “d.” Sometimes it lasts for days. Or weeks. Or months. Or even years. And honestly, the tools I’ve learned to deal with the depression I face are the same tools I use when the gray in life hits in general. The heavy, blech moments that just happen because well, life happens. The ones that weigh things down. The ones that try to convince us we are stuck there.

And we all face those moments. Depression or not. I know they aren’t unique to me. Life is wonderful. It truly is. And also, life can weigh us down sometimes. I remembered yesterday — as my mind and I fought back the gray — that it is easier to begin feeling lighter when someone sees us. Shows up with us. For us. Yesterday, my fiancé sent me flowers celebrating an accomplishment I’m yet to share with all of you. Little did he know that seeing me, reminding me of the orange I’ve been working toward, would help me take one step forward.

One of my favorite tools. And honestly? One step forward counted. We are all in this together. When gray happens, we show up. With you. For you. For each other.

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sending my warmth as always, xoxo, Sheila (Changed the order up today and soon it will make sense as to why it made sense today)

When Your College Kid Calls Upset: How to Listen Without Fixing Everything

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Your college kid calls upset. You hear their voice on the phone. And you hear all the other voices in your head. The voices reminding you of how you’re supposed to respond. Let them vent. Let them share. Let them be. Let them fly. The voices in your head remind you this is their chance to grow. To learn. That’s it’s okay to hurt. That they will heal and come out stronger, wiser. As you listen, you hear it. You hear their hurt.

You hear their frustration. You hear their fear. And oh, do you feel it. You feel it so very deeply. And you want to give them advice. You really do.

Because you see the path to feeling better. Faster. Easier. With so much less pain. But you know that easing their pain today, right now, can just create more pain in the future. You know that letting them figure things out now, even though it hurts, might actually help them hurt less later. And so you bite your tongue. And you fight like heck to hide your own pain. To sound confident in their ability to figure things out.

To not sound concerned. And you struggle right along with them because this is not easy. In the moment, their pain is your pain. You hurt with them. Oh, do you ever. And you worry right alongside them.

But you don’t offer advice. And you don’t ask leading questions. And you don’t dig for more hard stuff. You offer love. You offer a soft landing place. You offer “uh huhs” and “oh, that’s hard” and “I’m here for you.” And then you offer to make homemade chocolate chip cookies even though you simply do not have the time.

Because that is all you can do to make them actually feel better. And then you think, not to them or of them, but to yourself: Who is making me chocolate chip cookies to help me feel better? Because this stage of parenting? Honestly? It can be brutal. He is okay, to be clear. This wasn’t a crisis. Just one of those tough, emotional, figure-it-out moments that comes with being away at college. Having our college-aged kids, especially our freshmen, far away from us, struggling, and not knowing which adults in their life are there to support them, guide them, help them find the answers they need? B.R.U.T.A.L. The letting go here is an incredible act of strength.

Of course I will lean in when I have to. But I will also let my kiddo fumble a little. I have to. It is part of this stage. This journey. His journey. And also? My kiddo wants to. He is in his independent era. We have returned to the “I do” phase. Except now it’s a more complete sentence, not that of a toddler. It’s: “I got it, Mom.” I know you do, kiddo. I know you do.

He sent me this text last night: “Good night. Love you. Thanks for the support (even though I keep denying I need it or want it. When I’m ready I’ll ask for it. Let me know when the cookies are coming.)” Ooof. That hit hard and heavy in a wonderful way. That’s the whole ache of this stage. Being needed in a whole new way. A quieter way. A farther away way. Not to fix. Not to solve. Just to stay close enough that they know you’re still there. Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you all this Monday morning.

You are all loved and appreciated, near and far.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Don’t Let a Disability Tell You What You’re Capable Of

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There is no polite way for me to write this post. I’ve actually waited a few days (and months) so I could be “cool, calm, and collected.” Truth? I’m not sure I will ever be entirely cool, calm, and collected about this. This post is for any parent, child, or person who has ever been told they weren’t good enough because they have a disability. Or because they learn differently. Or because they learn more slowly. Do not, I repeat, do not, let anyone tell you that you are not good enough to become what you want to become.

I have four sons. I’m sharing this with permission. One of my sons has severe ADHD, auditory processing and other learning challenges. He was bullied by students and teacher aides alike. In 6th grade, an aide said to him, “You will never go to college or succeed.” Imagine if he had listened?!

Well, he didn’t. Instead, he basically said, “Oh yeah? Watch me.” He is now at a top college, on scholarship, getting good grades, and studying to become a special education teacher. Because he had a few of us rooting for him, pointing out to him the good we saw in him; his strengths, his opportunities. We believed in him until he could for himself.

Another one of my sons has struggled since kindergarten. In 3rd grade, his teacher told him, “We don’t have books at your reading level in this classroom. You’re a big kid now. You need to try harder. Stop being lazy.” Lazy? I told her to look at the facts. To look at everything else he could do; how hard he worked, how hard he was trying to find ways to help himself read! I said, “He is not lazy. He is struggling to read. There is something we are missing. Help.”

Fast forward two years. I asked the elementary school principal for extra support going into middle school. “We don’t proactively add support.” Right…

Middle school was a challenge. His mental health took a hit; his homework, tests, quizzes, you name it, took a hit. A child who used to love learning, who tried so hard, slowly stopped trying. I pushed again for help. And I was asked, “Are you sure you’re not being a helicopter parent? Overbearing? Maybe trying to get him extra help just so he gets A’s? We see that a lot in this town.”

The fact that I stayed polite at that moment?

Honestly, a true Orange Rhino® moment. Because no. That was not it. I said, “He is masking. He is truly struggling. You’re missing it. I need you to trust me.” They didn’t. They kept insisting he needed to try harder.

And now? That child has an IEP because one person finally listened to me. One person took the time to look beyond the struggles to see the strengths. My son has a learning disability, including a form of dyslexia.

And the testing showed it is not mild. Cue the tears. Cue my rage. Cue the heartbreak of knowing I was right and that it took years to get him all of the support he needed. (I had gotten him other support but what he needed most was in school.) But here is what I need people to understand: A child (anyone really) who learns differently should not be written off. Different pace. Different path. Different strengths.

Still capable. Still worthy. Still full of potential. My boys are proof of that. Their struggles have built empathy. Determination. Resilience. Leadership qualities. Yes, I wish parts of their journey had been easier. Of course I do.

And I know they feel the same. But who they have become because they kept going? Because they had to try harder to learn and to (sadly) prove themselves to the world and sometimes to themselves? I would not change who they have become for the world. Who they are in heart, grit, perspective, and character is second to none.

So let me say this loudly: Let’s stop confusing disability with inability. A disability is not a disqualification. And different does not mean less. (argh!) Sending my warmth and a little extra oomph to you all today and always, and an extra amount of love and support to any parent who knows and feels this post all too well.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

I Miss the Old Me: How I’m Finding My Way Back to the Parts of Myself I Love

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Somedays, I miss the “old me.” The one who once wore a Shrek costume, stood in the elementary school drop-off lane, and welcomed everyone (and I mean everyone) to school. It was Halloween. I was leading the play and wanted a fun way to promote the kick-off meeting. No hesitation. No shame. Absolutely zero fear. 100% courage and “what do I have to lose?” I’ve also used to be a live auctioneer at fundraisers. I once stood in front of most of my company, mic in hand, spotlight on, and called out my Chief Marketing Officer to raise his bid.

I was 22. Maybe 23. Not even a year on the job. Talk about courage — or audacity. Your call. I still laugh at the fact that I did that. Like, seriously Sheil?! Some days I wonder where that girl has gone. (News flash: she hasn’t gone anywhere. She’s just been on vacation. Rumor has it she’s boarding the flight home. Hopefully she will stay a wee bit longer this time.) Seriously though — she’s not fully here right now, as I type out this post.

Because I’m oddly nervous. Afraid to take a very simple step. With people who aren’t even my boss. (Okay. We can call it what it is. Fear of rejection. Fear of officially taking a step forward. So…we’ll add fear of failure to that list.) So I’m borrowing a little Shrek-level boldness and auctioneer confidence and going for it.

Also known as, Orange Rhino-ness (Just came up with the word. I like it. It stays.) –> I’m looking for 5–10 women who’d be willing to help me as I prepare to wear one of my new “hats” this spring. If that sounds fun — or even mildly intriguing — and you’re willing to publicly share a photo, comment below and send me a message. That way I won’t miss it (hi, ADHD!) If more than 10 reach out, I’ll randomly choose. Happy Tuesday!

And happy me literally wearing a hat again after a week. Even if I couldn’t properly rest it on my head lol.

Sending my warmth, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why a Post About Kindness Made People Unfollow Me

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Truth? It’s both hysterical and sad. My kindness post from the other day is one of my most viewed. It thanked the people who showed up for me. It honored vulnerability. It talked about how one small act can shift everything. And I’m being unfollowed at a massive rate because of it. That part makes me laugh. And shake my head. And feel a little sad. I didn’t realize talking about kindness was such a lightning rod.

I mean, I guess I did mention skin cancer. And I mentioned crying. And yep, I mentioned having my head shaved. All those things are on the heavier side which can be a lot for some people.

So maybe I kinda get it. Here’s the thing though. I will never stop being vulnerable. The personal messages I’ve received? Worth every unfollow. And here’s the part that really matters: You know who didn’t unfollow me? Me. I used to shudder at unfollows. Now? I feel stronger from it, safer even. I want to be surrounded by people who lift each other up. I want US to be surrounded by the same.

And I want to call out kindness when I see it. I want to talk about heavy when it’s heavy. All without wondering if people will judge me, understand me, or secretly roll their eyes at me. I want to live a fully authentic, aligned life. A life where I acknowledge that it is both/and. A life where I embrace gray and celebrate orange.

And I plan to keep spreading this message because I think it’s needed. Desperately. So, if you want picture perfect, always light and lovely posts, I’m not your gal. That’s okay. If you want honest, human, warm — I so hope you stay. We’ve got a lot of work to do. Plus, some really cool things are coming. They are delayed, but they are coming.

And I simply can not wait to share them with all of you and have you share them with the world.

Sending my warmth out to you all today, and everyday,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino