Tag Archives: Humor

The Fortune Cookie That Made Me Laugh on a Terrible Day

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I almost spit out my wonton soup. We don’t wait until dinner is over to open our fortune cookies. I know, I know. Dinner first, dessert afterward. Whatever. Chinese food is awesome, but the fortune is the best part. And Saturday night’s fortune was priceless. Quick rewind. Saturday was beyond a shite storm. I returned from vacation to life beyond life’ing. All vacation vibes were gone within hours. Isn’t it fun when that happens?!

Some “highlights.” Flight was delayed so we got home at midnight. Woke up late to rush and pick up a sick dog at 8 am. Kids came home early (which is great, I just wasn’t ready for them.) And an ER vet visit at 10:30 pm. WOO HOO! Fun times! Between the kids coming home and the ER vet visit, it was dinner time.

But because of the flash floods and our sick Hope, we hadn’t made it to the grocery store. And with the rain, my honest-to-goodness exhaustion, and lack of shower, I had zero desire to go to any restaurant.

But we had to eat. And I (and a few teens I happen to know) were HANGRY! So we ordered Chinese food and I crossed every finger that some lovely soul would be willing to deliver food in this rain. And yes, all of these seemingly irrelevant previous details matter. Why? I was spent. Kaput. Total gonzer. Vacation away from my home had been great.

But I always struggle on vacation with the pull between relaxing and catching up. Divorce has plenty of curses and a few hidden blessings. Oh, hello there, gray and orange! One of those blessings is occasionally having a week when my kids are away and I can truly choose how to use my time.

And I want to utilize the heck out of it. I want to 1000% soak up the quiet and the ability to do whatever the heck it is I want, or need.

But sometimes what I want and need doesn’t look like traditional self-care. It isn’t always walking on the beach, reading a book, or enjoying the quiet. Sometimes getting something done is what helps me feel better. I had plans to work on well, work;) I had plans to read a few educational books on subjects I’ve been wanting to learn about. I had plans to be productive. Self-care has lots of forms. I didn’t check a lot of the boxes.

I checked some on my vacation, but not a lot. I came home relaxed, yet also a little disappointed in all I didn’t get done in my week off.

And then stress kicked up 1,000 notches with all the gray that happened. So here I was. At the kitchen table. Relaxed from vacation, but not totally. And stressed from the day’s gray happenings.

And I opened my fortune cookie. And I almost spit out my wonton soup. I couldn’t even read it out loud. So my son did. It said, and I shite you not, “Invest in quality self-care products.” Oh, okay, let me get right on that. Oh wait, I already had. After I swallowed my soup, I admit it, I laughed. The irony was so good. So, so good. Just as good as the meal I did not cook and the plates I did not clean. That was the self-care I purchased that day. What non-traditional self-care are you doing today? Sending warmth to you today, especially if surviving shite storms are currently your speciality as well. Solidarity my friends, solidarity.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why Meditation Doesn’t Work for My ADHD Brain — and What Does Help

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Fastest way to make my blood boil? Besides, “take a deep breath?” Tell me to “just meditate.” Here’s the thing –> I can’t. I’ve tried. I cried once when I tried to meditate because I felt so frustrated. That was shortly after my marriage ended.

Okay, maybe that is actually why I cried. Either way, super fun times. Meditating just isn’t my thing. It makes me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. It makes all the chitter-chatter in my ADHD brain even louder. More obnoxious. I know, I know. The irony is far from lost on me. These are all reasons why I NEED to meditate. Noted. “Keep trying,” they say. “Your nervous system needs it,” they say. “I know,” I say.

It just isn’t my thing right now. So…I beach instead. I walk in the waves. I listen to the seagulls. I stare out at the ocean. I don’t meditate. I beach. And wouldn’t you know… I recently read an article about how spending time near the ocean can have some of the same calming effects as meditation.

When you stare at the ocean, there’s very little visual disruption. The mind naturally rests a bit. And then there are the blues, the sound of the rhythmic waves and the gentle breeze. All of it can be soothing to the body.

When I go to the beach… my mind focuses on the sounds of the ocean. On the breeze. On everything in front of me—which isn’t a lot—instead of everything in my mind, which is a whole lot of heavy. The beach is an entire sensory experience for me. And my mind focuses on just that. My mind settles. Everything in my head quiets. The only noises I hear are the soothing ones from the beach. The gulls. The waves. The breeze.

Sometimes even the laughter of kids. I don’t hear the noise of worry. I don’t hear the noise of stress. I don’t hear the noise of “Mom, Mom.” I don’t hear the noise of my to-do list. I don’t meditate. I beach. Unfortunately, I don’t beach enough.

But today I do, and it feels great. My biggest problem today is that someone’s gonna have to get me off the beach! I never, ever want to leave. I know a lot of people feel that way.

But for me, I also know it says something about how much my mind and body need places where everything feels quieter. I don’t live at the beach or even near it.

But my backyard feels a little bit like an oasis, and inside my house, I chip away at making it feel more and more like a beach house. With minimal visual interruption and maximum blues.

And I do all of this happily…even though everyone reminds me, “You don’t live at the beach, so why do you make your house look like one?” Um…because I don’t live at the beach. Obviously! Or, as a teenager recently said to me: “Obvi.” Obvi.

Okay then… If you don’t meditate—and you feel guilty like I sometimes do because everyone seems to do it and you should “just meditate”—please know there are other ways to find a similar feeling. Find what quiets the noise for you. I don’t meditate. I beach.

And I beach happily. Sending my warmth to you today, especially if you are seeking a little more quiet too.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How I Found a Formal Dress in 24 Hours Without Leaving the House

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24 hours to find a brand new dress, without leaving the house. Formal. Conservative. Not too expensive as I knew I wouldn’t wear it more than once. And had to cover my huge patch on my stitches. Oh, and I refused to go shopping on Memorial Day with all the crowds besides the fact that I didn’t have time. Ready, set, GO! Yep. Late Sunday night, I discovered the wedding we had last night had a slightly different dress code than I expected.

I looked online at the three major department stores at the local mall. Nothing on sale seemed to work. I had zero desire to hit the mall and loads to do at home anyways. Then I realized, wait, why not try Amazon?! 10 dresses showed up…late. Not before 10am on Tuesday but at 3:30 pm and we were leaving at 5:00. Fun times. I hoped something would work…and if something did, that I would somehow be able to try on all the dresses, get showered, get my hair and makeup done, and be ready on time.

Miracle of all miracles, check out this $47 find on Amazon. I’ll take it! And I’ll wear it again. Loved it! The wedding was gorgeous. Glowing bride, beaming groom, pink and orange flowers and fun live music. Lots of orange all around.

Here’s to “miracles” happening and love blooming. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Gray Hijacks a Productive Day: How I Try Not to Add More Gray

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I said I wouldn’t hide. So here I am. Struggling, and sharing how I’m refusing to stay stuck. I wrote this yesterday. I was excited(ish).

Finally, a non-rushed shower. Makeup. Hair actually blown out. Time dedicated to me, my work, my goals. I sat down. Focused. Motivated. BOOM. Orange emotions disappeared. Gray happened.

Here’s what I wrote in my more personal, diary-of-sorts.

* I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I really, really am. I’m tired of watching everyone around me move forward while I move at a snail’s pace.

*I’m tired of so many interruptions in my schedule.

*I’m tired of being jealous of others, even when I know jealousy can be a useful indicator of what matters to me. Even when I know comparison is the thief of joy, it has been my reality this week, and I’m trying to honor it so I can work through it.

*I’m tired of seeing “understand your nervous system, manage your nervous system, it’s all about your nervous system!” And “manifest more, manifest better, manifest clearer.” I know, I know, I know. And also, sometimes there is truly more to it. I’m drained. I’m trying.

* I’m tired of hearing everyone suggest I’m not doing it right or not doing enough. I know that is likely my mind playing tricks on me. But still, I feel criticized more than supported.

* I’m tired of being told, “be patient” and “it’s your busy season, your time will come” and “but you’re a stay-at-home mom and that matters.” YES. AND…

*I’m tired of parenting solo and all that comes with it.

*I’m tired of my stories, my histories, and all that got me to this parenting-solo bit. I have dreams I’m trying to make happen. Dreams beyond being a mom, because that is only one of my dreams. I have dreams that would fulfill me in other ways and, honestly, help make me a better mom. But right now? They feel really hard to make happen.

* I’m tired of having ADHD and a late diagnosis. Of learning how to manage it late while also raising boys with it and trying to help them understand it, process it, and manage it while I do the same.

* I’m tired of feeling alone and also, lonely. Of craving connection, nights out, more laughter. and also… Of knowing I need to reach out more. I need to connect more.

Of knowing some of my loneliness is on me… and also, some of it isn’t.

* I’m just tired.

But mostly?

Mostly I’m tired of knowing the logical, rational, mature answer to all these heavy, gray feelings. I know they will pass. I know I will get through them. I’m not a failure. I’m not stuck. I am making progress. I know my truth. I know my nervous system realities. I know my goals, my limiting beliefs, the stories I tell myself that aren’t helping.

I know all about mindset and that what we focus on grows, for better or for worse. I know I have good friends. I know I’m tired of parenting sometimes and also fully love it sometimes and will miss it when my boys fully move out. I know all the gray emotions can be true.

And I know all the orange emotions can be true too. This morning, when I sat at my kitchen table not wanting to do a darn thing, I did what I did yesterday. I asked myself: What do I need to feel better right now? What will help me get going? Not forever. Just this moment. What one step can I take?

Yesterday, I got up and took a short walk. Around the house. And today, I made myself get on the treadmill. eMOTION is one of my favorite mnemonics I learned a few years ago. Best way to change an emotion? MOTION. And later today, if life feels overwhelming again, which it likely will as I go from doctor’s appointment to doctor’s appointment and feel unproductive while my to-do list plays in my head, I will do the thing people think is cheesy but is actually wicked effective.

I will remind myself of the 7 things I’ve learned that help me get unstuck: I’m not broken or alone. This will pass. I can handle this. I can give myself compassion. I only need to take one step. What do I need to feel more at ease? Gray doesn’t get to win. Let the orange stand out. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Your College Kid Comes Home and the Transition Is Hard for Everyone

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I knew it would happen. And it did. Sometimes I hate being right. As much fun as I had picking up my college kiddo from the airport and having dinner together that night, I want to share another truth. Having him home was hard. For both of us. He (mostly) likes college better. He has friends there. No “quiet hours.” No expectations from me—directly at least;) Here, well… We all had school or work the next day so he had to be uber quiet at night.

And since the renovation, I’ve been slowly putting everything away. So he came home to a house where he suddenly didn’t know where any of the important stuff was. Phone chargers. Pens, pencils. Silverware. It was frustrating for him—to feel out of place. Literally and metaphorically. And honestly? It hurt a little for me too. I also wished he felt more at ease here, at home. Like he used to. You know, in the “before college” days. (Shite, those wet things on my face again.) It’s a strange feeling when your child comes home… and home to them feels different…and you know things are just no longer the same. Not bad, just changed.

Still, there were warm moments. We watched a new cooking show together. The next night, at his request, I made the meal from it and we both loved it. (Street tacos. O.M.G. Amazing recipe. This never would have happened before college, so there’s one, okay of many, upsides.) I introduced him to my mocktail, which he loved. We walked the dog together. It wasn’t all hard. By Saturday he was finally settling in… just in time for him to spend his last day home working on a school paper.

And that’s when the disappointment in myself started to creep in. I knew when I dropped him back at college the next day, I’d be bummed that I hadn’t been as present during his time home as I wanted to be. That I’d be bummed that I’d been frustrated when he’d been frustrated. I was also bummed that our time together was so short to begin with. He spent half the week in Florida with his dad (as he should) and his new friends.

At the same time, I was so happy he went on a trip with them, had a blast, and found a new level of confidence. Enough confidence to go skydiving. And yes, that was a long half hour waiting for the phone call that he was fine lol.

I know this is the new spring break normal. Trips with friends. I think this is one of the quieter heartbreaks of parenting older kids. They either come home on breaks, but not quite in the same way.Or they choose friends. Either way, you’re grateful they’re growing, gosh you are so grateful, and you’re happy they’re healthy and happy…but you’re also missing what was. Just because I know this doesn’t make it easier though. Likewise, I know this summer, when he transitions home again, it’ll be bumpy at first. That doesn’t make it easier either. Knowing does help me plan ahead though. Not worry… just create some workarounds to ease the easing back into home.

Yesterday morning, I made him pancakes and bacon one more time. Then I drove him back to his second home. It wasn’t even a few minutes into my drive back home before I got this text: “I love you mom. I already miss you. I had a great time watching the cooking show with you. I love you so much and you’re a great mom.” Exactly the dose of orange I needed to make it home without bawling my eyes out. LOL. I pulled in the driveway and another message from him popped up.

It’s in the comments (assuming I can figure out how to share it haha) Cue the tears. Oh life… you sure are full of grorange. Parents of older kids… did this stage catch you off guard too?

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you all today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

You Don’t Need Alcohol to Be Fun: What My Kids Taught Me

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Someone once told me I wasn’t fun and needed to take the pole out of my ass or drink more. True story. Someone I trusted too. I think my sons would say otherwise. Actually, I know they would. I went to pick up my college kiddo at the airport this week. It was perfect timing. No traffic. No cops. Plenty of room to sit curbside and wait. That was the plan until… I saw my son walk out of the airport. I did what any totally normal mother would do.

I turned off the car, jumped out, and ran full speed toward my son, jumping up and down, waving my arms and yelling: “JAMES! JAMES! IT’S YOUR MOM!!! OVER HERE!!!” To be clear…he already knew where I was. He briefly tried walking away like he didn’t know me.

But eventually he turned around with the biggest grin. “Hi, Mom.” “HI KIDDO! I missed you!” “I missed you too. But please don’t ever do that again.” “Yeah, no promises.” “Okay, fine.” And then I got a hug. Honestly? I’ve been wanting to do that ever since seeing people impersonate Will Ferrell’s Elf character running around yelling names. Good news: I still have three other sons to embarrass in the future.

And that wasn’t even the funniest part of the week. Before my college kid came home, one of the younger boys said, “Oh man…James is screwed. He’s not going to understand the new dinner rule.” (Back in January we started eating dinner at the table instead of the counter.) “You know what?” I told the younger three. “You guys should totally play it up. Shower. Collared shirts. Perfect manners.” Zero pushback. 100% commitment.

The night my college kiddo came home… Three brothers showed up to dinner showered, hair done, collared shirts and khakis. Dead serious faces. I, however, struggled. It was just too much. (My boys? Fully, fully listening to plans?! What was happening?!) “We don’t just eat at the table now,” they told him. “We dress up. You need to too.” So off he went…to quickly shower and change. He came downstairs, saw one brother vacuuming and said, “What is happening here???” “Oh yeah,” they said.

“We also do chores while Mom cooks.” The perplexed look on his face? Pure awesomeness. We finally sat down at the table. Mid meal my son goes, “This is so weird. This family feels…normal.” I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I told him the dress code was a joke. He laughed. He loved it. And even took a family picture after dinner. No hard feelings. I’ll treasure it always. All boys, dressed up, laughing, and home in the same room again. Acting like young men. It was weird;) And priceless.

Turns out you don’t need alcohol or a personality transplant to have fun. Who knew? Sometimes all you need is an airport, a ridiculous idea, and four boys willing to commit to the bit. Tell me I’m not the only parent who embarrasses their kids in public. Happy Monday everyone.

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

I Miss the Old Me: How I’m Finding My Way Back to the Parts of Myself I Love

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Somedays, I miss the “old me.” The one who once wore a Shrek costume, stood in the elementary school drop-off lane, and welcomed everyone (and I mean everyone) to school. It was Halloween. I was leading the play and wanted a fun way to promote the kick-off meeting. No hesitation. No shame. Absolutely zero fear. 100% courage and “what do I have to lose?” I’ve also used to be a live auctioneer at fundraisers. I once stood in front of most of my company, mic in hand, spotlight on, and called out my Chief Marketing Officer to raise his bid.

I was 22. Maybe 23. Not even a year on the job. Talk about courage — or audacity. Your call. I still laugh at the fact that I did that. Like, seriously Sheil?! Some days I wonder where that girl has gone. (News flash: she hasn’t gone anywhere. She’s just been on vacation. Rumor has it she’s boarding the flight home. Hopefully she will stay a wee bit longer this time.) Seriously though — she’s not fully here right now, as I type out this post.

Because I’m oddly nervous. Afraid to take a very simple step. With people who aren’t even my boss. (Okay. We can call it what it is. Fear of rejection. Fear of officially taking a step forward. So…we’ll add fear of failure to that list.) So I’m borrowing a little Shrek-level boldness and auctioneer confidence and going for it.

Also known as, Orange Rhino-ness (Just came up with the word. I like it. It stays.) –> I’m looking for 5–10 women who’d be willing to help me as I prepare to wear one of my new “hats” this spring. If that sounds fun — or even mildly intriguing — and you’re willing to publicly share a photo, comment below and send me a message. That way I won’t miss it (hi, ADHD!) If more than 10 reach out, I’ll randomly choose. Happy Tuesday!

And happy me literally wearing a hat again after a week. Even if I couldn’t properly rest it on my head lol.

Sending my warmth, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How to Make More Room for Fun When Life Becomes All Go-Go-Go

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I realized something kinda major yesterday –> I’m not having as much fun as I’d like lately. Part of me wanted to wait to share this until tomorrow when more people will see this post but part of me also wants to reach who I can today because it’s Sunday and Sunday is the perfect day to receive this message. I’m *hoping* your Sunday is mostly open without work and therefore a lot of opportunity to hear this message and act accordingly.

My life has been go-go-go-getter-done. By choice. By necessity. By things out of my control. The weekends come when my kids are with their dad and my brain goes, “alright Sheila, GO. What can you get done? What do you need to get done so you can be more present when the kids come home?” Or even weekends when the kids are with me. Saturday morning hits, even Sunday, any my brain seems a mostly empty schedule and goes, “Yes.

A day to get the 1,000 things I legit need to get done to keep this family going to where it wants to be and how it wants to feel.” Yesterday, as I drove home from my son’s football game, ready to move furniture out of the pod in preparation for the last bit of the renovation, I realized: “Time out. It’s okay to go-go-go-getter-done when that is the season and that it was life demands. It happens. (Say it with me, gray happens….) BUT girl… you are not having any fun lately.

Where’s the laughter? Where’s the smile? Where’s the joy? Where’s the enjoyment? The point was taken and my mindset was switched up. –> IT IS SO EASY to get into the habits, the rhythms, the goings of life and then to forget, to not see, that we aren’t laughing or smiling or living as much as we like, is it not?! I got my earbuds. Put on my favorite new spotify station, “90’s classics” and did all my work with a pep in my step.

I laughed at the memories that came back with each song. Like one that was my college boyfriend and I liked…that came on when this younger girl was hitting on him, right in front of me. Oh the good ‘ole days. Or better yet, and good luck not singing this one, “Good Riddance” by Green Day. The lyrics are my theme song for life lately and are very. “Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road/ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go/ So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why/ It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time/ …

It’s something unpredictable/ But in the end, it’s right/ I hope you had the time of your life” YES. Love these lyrics and loved hearing them yesterday. My life is a test right now. Lots of challenges. Lots of obstacles. Lots of gray BUT how I reply, how I respond, or how I react is the real challenge, the real test.

When gray happens, it can define us. Been there, done that, don’t strongly recommended it -or- When gray happens, it can guide us by showing us what matters most to us and helping us find our ways there. -or- When gray happens, it can knock us down entirely, become our outlook, our everything and we miss out on all the other colors of life. Again, Been there, done that, don’t strongly recommended it -or- When Gray Happens, it can happens (as it darn well do no matter what) BUT we can happen too.

We Can Show Up. We can show up for ourselves..and for each other. We can show up and figure out how to get through the gray to a lighter, brighter place. We can challenge ourselves to make the gray brighter so that as we embrace it, it doesn’t feel so blech. Mindset and perspective shifts; action and reaction changes aren’t easy. Oh heck now. They take practice.

But they work is worth it. So today, this Sunday, I encourage you to ask yourself if you are having as much fun as you want? If the gray is way too overbearing (how dare it!) how you can add some fun to the day so it feels lighter? I’m about to do more housework. Not my ideal way to spend a gorgeous, sunny 80 September day, BUT I’m telling myself to stay focused so I can get it all done by noon so I can do the fun – sit on my tuckus and just enjoy the sunshine.

What about you? What are your plans today? If nothing, create them right now. Share them with us to keep yourself accountable. Make today fun. Laugh. Smile. Relax. Enjoy the bejeebers out of it!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling like more fun is needed in your day to day. I feel ya. I do. I do. Maybe we should order some silly string and just have silly string parties for the heck of it?! xoxo Sheila.

🧡 The Orange Rhino