Jun
04
2024

Constant Overwhelm and ADHD: What Helps When I Can’t Think Straight

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One of my biggest challenges is that I am *almost always* in a constant state of overwhelm, and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t feel good at all. The stress. The shame that I can’t manage better. The stress and shame combined leading to me being cranky. Blech. I do not like being overwhelmed, not one bit. Oh, let me count the ways. (And then share my new solution lol!) I often can’t think straight because one thousand thoughts of everything that I need to do, should do and want to do are barreling at my mind full force, fighting for the little free memory that exists.

Then, when the thoughts that do get through capture some memory space, my brain struggles to prioritize, like BIG TIME struggles. Thank you ADHD!

Prioritizing has never been a strength. Well, I always prioritize the people in my life and doing things to make them feel special and loved. That always comes first, without a doubt.

Someone needs celebrating? Priority.
Someone feels down? Priority.
Someone needs support? Priority.

I’m happy that I prioritize my people first. That feels good. That aligns with who I am.

So I’m cool with this even though sometimes it leads to feeling even more overwhelmed in other aspects of my life as key things get dropped for a bit longer than they should. Speaking of which, let’s add another layer to my overwhelm. I often put off, avoid, put my head in the sand, pick a phrase any phrase to talk about how I don’t do what I need to do when I feel overwhelmed. Yep. That is super duper helpful!

So now, we have several layers in this overwhelming situation. Let’s list them out. I mean if I am going to write about overwhelm, I should at least make it feel overwhelming, no?! We have:

Too many thoughts (start of overwhelm).
Little memory space to remember said thoughts (overwhelm kicks up a notch).
Struggle to prioritize (thank you ADHD…even more overwhelming).
Avoidance of thoughts that do get remembered and prioritized (wicked overwhelmed by now!).

Now to be fair, I do also have the following skills, amongst others, I try so very hard to put to use to overcome overwhelm:

Remind myself I can handle this.
Go outside, get fresh air, take a break, maybe even exercise.
Pick one task, break it down, go bit by bit, celebrating each success as I go.
Remind myself it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get to something today; somehow I always get done what needs to!

The thing is…it is SO hard sometimes to remember all those lovely things when I am in a wicked overwhelmed state.

So the other day, as I was walking, I told myself, “Sheila, you need a saying to keep yourself from getting to a state of complete overwhelm. You need a saying to help you not avoid things in the first place because this is out of control. You don’t feel good. This stress isn’t good.”

Here are a few I came up with. I think I’m liking the first one.

“Avoiding only advances Overwhelm.”

“Ignoring invites Overwhelm.”

“Procrastination procreates Overwhelm.” (Hahaha. Not a fan of this one but it made me laugh as it came to my mind!)

Do you have a saying that keeps you from avoiding things? That helps you not feel overwhelmed?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed with the end of the school year and the start of summer. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness, unscheduled post shared to show how I’m processing the daily challenges of life so that I keep living the life I want to live, instead of feeling stuck in the muck #adhdinwomen #4kids #overwhelmed

May
11
2024

Mother’s Day Can Be Complicated: Making Room for Joy, Grief and Everything Else

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It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow, a day intended to be filled with joy, celebration, acknowledgement, rest and more. But in reality, it’s a day that for many is a day filled with sadness, loss, grief, disappointment, exhaustion and more. This post is dedicated to all the women who, like me, are feeling ambivalent about tomorrow. I see you, I feel your discomfort, your sadness, and I would do anything to make tomorrow a little brighter for you.

Truly. Since I can’t physically send you all flowers and cards telling you how special you are, know that I’m thinking of you and you’re not alone in these feelings. * I’m a single mom to four boys, teenage boys to boot. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when I was married and my son’s dad worked with my kiddos to ensure the day was special and I was acknowledged for all my hard work as a mom. I will not receive a card that says, “Thank you and the boys are lucky to have you as their mom.” The loss of the appreciation will be felt deeply.

Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were toddlers and made cute hand printed gifts and took naps during the day so I too could rest. The loss of thoughtful, unrushed gifts will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were in elementary school, and I was newly divorced, but the teachers helped the kids to make cards, ensuring that I was thought of on that first Mother’s Day as a single mom.

The loss of carefully written cards with caring messages will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my boys were just pre-teens and had less intense bickering matches because well, they weren’t fully teenagers yet and hormones and stress hadn’t fully entered the house. The loss of more family time together, laughing, will be felt. And Mother’s Day will absolutely, positively, 110% not look or feel like I imagined it before I ever even became a mom.

The loss of that dream will be felt. Life is different today. My dreams of what my life would look like as a mom, how it would feel, how I would be supported, are entirely, 110% different. On many days I have come to terms with that. And on many days, it still hurts. Mother’s Day is confusing for so many. It isn’t just a cheerful, “I love you” holiday. It’s also a cheerful and “I lost…” and “I long for…” holiday.

I lost my mother.

I lost a child.

I lost a relationship with my mother.

I lost my spouse, the one who helped make me a mother.

I lost a partner, and now I help my kids celebrate me because I am alone.

I long to be a mother.

I long for more children.

I long to actually be appreciated as a mother.

I long to find motherhood less overwhelming. 

I long to have a day off, an hour off, a mere break.

𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓’𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔, 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆.

It’s a tough day. It isn’t all flowers and brunches and cards and family dinners. There are also tears and quiet wishes for things to be different and reflective moments and feelings of loneliness and “is it Monday yet, but wait, this moment is special too.” Many of us, myself included, will go through the day, smiling then wiping away tears. Smiling some more, laughing even, then wiping away tears. Mother’s Day will be long and exhausting for me, and perhaps for you too.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and all the moms and women whose hearts are full, but also are hurting, healing, and hoping for things to get better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

May
01
2024

Does Your Child Have ADHD? A Reminder for Parents Who Worry They’re Getting It Wrong

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Does your child have ADHD? You’re a good parent and they’re awesome, like you.

Last night, as I stood in the waiting room with my son, I realized I had this most ridiculously HUGE goofy smile on my face. Like, gargantuan sized. I probably looked like a fool. A happy one, but a fool nonetheless. I felt the smile, my joy, all throughout my body. It was so intense that I took a selfie to capture the moment. This probably made me look more goofy but whatever. And yes, my teenage son LOVED that I did this.

Again, whatever. I was shocked that I was actually smiling, not crying.

I was smiling because I was reading a book that understood me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that saw the good in me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that inspired me to not quit on myself.
I was smiling because I was reading…a book.

I know, obvious statement but actually not a given one! You see, I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who leaves the house and brings a book to read while she waits.

I love learning and reflecting and always talk about wishing I had more time to do so. I’m in waiting rooms a lot. It’s the perfect time to read. And yet…and yet…I never remember a book. Hello ADHD. Lots of big plans and no action. ARGH (another name for ADHD lol.)

Anywho, so instead of bringing a book, I always end up on my phone. And while I love catching up on emails/texts, playing Tetris and other logic type games, and shopping on Wayfair for items to make my house feel new, I always feel like I could have been more intentional with my time. (Yes I know, books on phone. I can’t read that way. It’s a visual thing.)

But last night, last night y’all I brought a book! A real, book! I just couldn’t help it. I was SO excited to dive into this book, to learn more about what I already knew, that “ADHD is Awesome.” Written by Penn and Kim Holderness (The Holderness Family) it’s just the book I’ve been waiting for. Simple. No expert speak. Approachable. Understandable. Easy to read. (Written kinda in my style, conversation-like, not formal. Just my speed!) It’s full of love. Free of shame. And most importantly, it starts to break down the stigma that comes with ADHD. Of which there is a lot. A LOT. Too much. Way too much.

And this is where the one challenge with the book comes in. And also, the irony. I smiled as I read the book because I felt seen, really seen. But the good parts, the awesome parts. My creativity. My problem solving. My ability to notice things before others. I found myself a little surprised that I wasn’t crying because that’s often what happens with self-growth books when I have big connections or aha’s!

But this book, in the way it’s written, as my traumas or weaknesses weren’t coming to mind, my aha’s were all joyous! I felt excited and hopeful for my future! “ADHD is Awesome” focuses on helping the ADHDer see/work with their highlights and helping those in relationship with ADHDers embrace said highlights while acknowledging the hard. It’s a beautiful approach. A much needed one.

This is all good stuff, right? Well yes. Except…I felt jealous. Sad at times. It was fleeting, but still. The thing is, I have DREAMED of starting something, anything, to tackle the stigma that comes with ADHD. And because of my lovely ADHD…I haven’t. Oh my mind comes up with so, so many ideas. So many dreams. And then I don’t act. I hate it. It leaves me feeling let down, like a failure, and more. Especially as I see other people bring those dreams to life.

But again, this is why I am excited for this book. I’m excited for the tools to help me finally act on my ideas AND…I’m excited for the stigma around ADHD to start being chipped away at, slowly but surely. Some of my kids have ADHD. Our family has felt the impacts of society’s opinion of ADHD. It hasn’t been kind. It’s been lonely as all lonely can be. Hurtful beyond measure. Challenging. Exhausting. Depressing even.

I haven’t been able to really write about it because, well, stigma. This book is a great first step. So yes, there are the tears. Thank you Penn and Kim for furthering this conversation. People don’t fully understand ADHD, especially in kids. The assumptions made about the kids – and their parents aren’t cool. And they are flat out wrong.

My children ARE awesome. I’m a good mom. We don’t need your snide remarks, side glances, or turned backs. We’ve learned to rise above. We are stronger from it, but we wish it were different. We would love a little understanding, a little kindness. We would love an invitation somewhere where we knew it would be judgement free. ADHD is real. People with ADHD have real feelings. And real strengths.

Because “ADHD is Awesome.” I brought a book to an appointment last night. For the first time in forever. Barely fifty pages in and this book is changing me.

So grateful. Thank you Penn and Kim. Maybe someday my dream of working with you to create a marketing campaign to end the stigma around ADHD can come to life…you know, now that I’m learning how to manage my ADHD and might actually get stuff done. We’ll see. I have hope. You’ve given me hope. And again, tears.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness post P.S. Penn and Kim didn’t ask me to review the book or any of that. I’m just sharing because we all know that sharing is caring 😉 AND I want this book to get out everywhere and for the stigma to start going buh-bye!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Apr
30
2024

My Late ADHD Diagnosis: What It Took to Finally Be Taken Seriously

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My ADHD Diagnosis Story * “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.” That was the answer I was given, over and over and over again when I asked, scratched that, begged professionals to test me for ADHD. Talk about dismissive. And unhelpful. And wrong. I never suspected I had ADHD growing up. I mean, it wasn’t a majorly talked about thing and it definitely wasn’t for girls. I knew I had sensory processing struggles but even my mom, who is an occupational therapist, was still learning about what that meant.

But ADHD? Nope. But as I got older, and I had to fill out a questionnaire for one of my sons as part of a neuropsychological evaluation, the wheels started churning in my brain. For every question that I marked a 4 or a 5, “almost always” or “always,” I could have answered the same for myself. At the same time, the set routines and expected daily structures I had had in my life for years, started falling to the wayside.

No more nap schedules. No more going to the same schools. No more simple days where I could count on breakfast at seven, dinner at five thirty and bedtime and eight. I found myself struggling more and more to get things done. To prioritize all the tasks in front of me. To remember basic things. To make decisions. To not sit and zone out for longer than one should. I started noticing how impulsively I could say yes to things; how my brain never, ever, ever stopped.

I complained every. single. therapy session about how I couldn’t manage my time no matter how many different systems I tried.

So I started seeking help from my doctors. Primary. Couples therapist at the time. Psychiatrist at the time. Neurologist at the time. And all said, “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.”

And so I struggled. And I felt like a failure most days. And I cried most days from overwhelm, exhaustion, and pure utter frustration that I couldn’t get my life together and run a house, manage my family.

And I cried from yelling at my kids because I felt awful about myself. I yelled for lots of reasons, some of which were because I couldn’t manage my emotions well, I couldn’t handle my sensory overwhelm well, I got distracted by every request by each child which created mental chaos and…I was impulsive.

But no one saw any of this, which probably didn’t help my pleas for help. I kept it together like the best of them…on the outside. A recovering perfectionist, I did everything I could to make things work. I researched every system I could to help me manage my life better. I should have bought stock in the Staples office supply store back then 😉 Yes, I masked like the best of them. “Wow, she has four kids and she has it together!” No, no I didn’t.

I was falling apart on the inside and no one believed me. No one would really help me. Apparently life was supposed to be this hard. News flash. It wasn’t. I finally got a new therapist and psychiatrist. I talked with my therapist and she agreed that ADHD was a strong likelihood.

So I insisted that my psychiatrist test me. She was hesitant at first. “Are you sure your divorce isn’t just also making it harder? Perhaps your kids’ ADHD and sensory needs are making it harder? Sheila, your life IS HARD. That certainly isn’t helping.” She wasn’t wrong – to ask, or in her statement.

But she also wasn’t right. So I pushed and got her on board after I finally said something along the lines of, “Listed, my brain isn’t working. Something isn’t functioning right. I’m miserable and depressed as a result and something needs to change. I am begging you to believe me. To trust me, to test me. I have kids with ADHD, I’m not clueless. Here are the struggles I had as a kid…..Here’s where I struggled as a young adult in the workplace….Here’s where I am struggling now….” And so she did.

And we decided to try medication and see what happened. I remember that day clearly. For the first time in years, I felt like my brain worked. Actually, worked. Like higher level, worked. I could think clearly. My thoughts weren’t all over the place. I didn’t jump from one task to the next. I felt a bit calmer. I felt like myself again. Why like myself, again?

Well, because before I had kids, and even when they were younger and their schedule was simpler, I could manage my ADHD on my own. I had less distractions, less stress on my brain, and more structure. It was when everything went kerflooey that I could no longer hold it together. I still struggle, just less. My formal diagnosis was only about two years ago (or less) and I’m still learning what works for me and what is the exact right medication to support me.

Perimenopause isn’t helping and life’s stressors aren’t exactly helping. What is helping? Simply knowing that I’m not a screw up; that my struggles are REAL and don’t mean I’m a failure or lazy. This knowledge has helped me give myself more grace and love when I can’t do certain things or when I get frustrated with myself that yet another attempt at bringing more “order to the chaos” in the house has failed. My ADHD diagnosis led to more grace, understanding, and love for myself, from myself.

It’s been a journey to get here, but at least I am here now.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, but especially for those situations where you are working to figure something out about yourself or your life. Keep believing and trusting yourself.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post

Jan
13
2024

The Orange Rhino Challenge®: a 4 week Journey to Start Yelling Less (starts 1/18/24)

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The Orange Rhino Challenge to Start Yelling Less begins Thursday, January 18th!
* THIS CHALLENGE HAS NOW ENDED. Sign up for Waitlist for next one is at the bottom of this post *

I know that many people set the New Year’s Resolution to Stop Yelling at their kids…I sooo get this. I know how awful it feels to yell at your kids. You are not alone in the feeling. Over 50,000 people are part of this community based on the desire to learn to yell less.

I used to yell at my four sons a lot more than I liked. So much so that I set a personal goal to stop yelling at them for a year. I achieved that goal and learned a lot about how to keep yells at bay and also about myself and why I yelled in the first place.

Even though I wrote a book about how I stopped yelling, I am still human. I am not perfect. Life is not perfect. Life can be hard and relentless. I can do everything “right” to make sure I don’t yell and yet, I “slip up” and yell on occasion because while I am “The Orange Rhino,” again, I am still human. I am not meant to be perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. Yells happen. And when they do, I repair and move onwards others I feel even worse about myself.

I want to help you feel better about yourself as a parent and as a person. We all deserve to love ourselves more, to love time with our kids more and to love our lives more.

I am offering this 4 week program so you can start or enhance your journey to yell less. Because I want to help you – and not add any weight or stress or disappointment to your life – I won’t make promises I can’t keep. I won’t tell you that you are going to stop yelling in four weeks. Learning to yell less is truly an ongoing journey. BUT I will share with you my go to 4 “tools” that I focus on over and over and over again to ensure that I am best prepared to not yell in situations where I normally would.

*This is different than the 30-Day Challenge I did a year ago. Some information is the same, but the four themes and conclusion are slightly adjusted and it is simplified.

The Journey to Start Yelling Less begins Thursday, JANUARY 18th. It is FREE. (For now. In the future, I might change that because again, being honest. I put a lot of time and effort into the program and well, my 4 boys who I used to yell at a lot, a lot are now teens and drink so much milk I might need to buy a dairy farm.)

FORMAT as of right now…
– Every THURSDAY you will receive an email with a video explaining that week’s TOOLS and action and that week’s printable pdfs.
– For the rest of the week you will get daily emails with a motivational quote and reminder of the tool/focus.
– on SUNDAY, I will offer a tweak to the tool (if applicable; we all operate differently so what works for me, might not for you) or an enhancement.
– I will write about that week’s focus at least once (probably more) on The Orange Rhino main Facebook page

You do not need to own my book “Yell Less, Love More” to participate. That said, it does have extra tips that are helpful and supportive as well as stories to connect to and that have helped others feel less alone. It is available as an audiobook and hardcover on Amazon.

So come join us! Start your journey to yelling less right now! Sign up below. You will get a confirmation email and then an email Tuesday or so with more details. So excited to be on this journey with you.

Sending warmth and strength,
Sheila a.k.a The Orange Rhino

Questions? Email me at TheOrangeRhinoChallenge@gmail.com

Waitlist – The Orange Rhino Challenge®: a 4 Week Journey to Start Yelling Less

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Oct
27
2023

How I Used Compassion to Turn My Teen Son’s Mood Around and Strengthen Our Relationship

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Two of my sons were mad at me.

“Why did you do it for him? That’s so not fair!” One of my sons said for me.

Another son chimed right on in, clearly thrilled that his brother paved the way.
“Seriously mom. You don’t do that for us! We have to do it? This is ridiculous!”

The Orange Rhino Overflowing Laundry Basket

My sons laundry basket is overflowing…my heart overflowed with compassion and understanding of his struggle and saw an opportunity to help.

The charge against me? I washed and put away one of their brother’s clothes while he as out at practice. Yep. Guilty as charged. On all accounts.

Do I normally have each child wash and put away their own laundry? Yep. They are capable of it and I believe if they can, they should.

But there is something else I also normally do that these two very upset brothers were missing. I help when needed. And that day, this one son needed my help.

“Guys. I actually would do the same for you, and I have. If you see someone struggling…maybe they fell off a bike, or are in the deep end of a pool and are showing distress, what do you do? What do I do? I jump in the pool and or I run over to the kid and I help. I get that kid to safety.

Your brother is overwhelmed and struggling.

When we are in that place, a messy room with overflowing laundry, it just adds to the struggle and makes it harder to get out of the bad mood. I know. I’ve been there. Some day your brother will realize that on his own, same with you. Until then, one way to learn, is for me to show him how much better it feels to have a clean room and clean clothes.

So yes, I did his laundry and picked up his room. I’d do it for you too. And notice, I didn’t do it right away. I gave a him a chance for a while. I waited. But there comes a point, when people need a little help and in this family, we help.

Okay so obviously I didn’t say those exact words because if I remembered all of that, that would be impressive. But it was close. But these, I did say for verbatim,

“And again, I would do the same for you. K? And please, please be kind to him. Someday when you are struggling, he will be kind to you. We all struggle. We will all need help someday. Remember that.”

A couple of years ago, this would not have been how the story went. Why not?

Because I would have been too stuck on the “principle” of teaching my son the importance of doing his chores and learning the hard way about how dirty laundry stinks, no pun intended.

Because I would have been too stuck on parenting the “right way” instead of being a loving human person “the right way.”

Because I would have been too stuck on listening to all the voices of society and social media telling me how to raise a good kid and likewise how to screw up. I would have been too stuck to listen to the most important voice, the voice inside of me, yelling loudly, begging to be heard, that screamed:

LEAD BY EXAMPLE that is how you truly teach and what you believe!

Show him love. Show him grace. Show him support. This is what you believe!

Show your son how to take care of mental health because that – that is the base for getting all chores done, for getting life done for that matter.

Show him how laundry isn’t just a chore, but how good clean clothes and a clean room feels. How good not having chores hanging over our heads feel.

Show him how loving acts of kindness help others and ourselves.

Now, I know some people say, “but wait a second, can’t he learn how good all of the above things are by doing it himself?” YES, yes he can. But again, sometimes, sometimes we all get stuck and need help. Sometimes, we can’t see for ourselves what we need.
I know that is true for me. Our teens, our kids are humans too. I treat them as I would want to be treated. If I was overwhelmed (oh…wait lol) I would want help to help get me through the rough patch.

* * * *

The morning after my infamous cleaning job…my son came downstairs in a PLEASANT mood for the first time in weeks. Oh my gosh, I just got all choked up.

“Mom, did you do that?”

“Yes, sweetie, I did.”

He walked over and gave me a hug.

“Thank you. It was really nice to come home to last night.”

Doing the laundry for him on occasion isn’t the end of the world…it was showing him a world of kindness. Parenting and Life aren’t always easy, but with love and support, we get through the rough patches.

Sending warmth and strength as always,
Love,
The Orange Rhino

Another popular Teen Post? 
How to Not Yell at Teenagers, According to My Teen!
https://theorangerhino.com/how-to-not-yell-at-teenagers-according-to-my-teen/

Get *almost* daily stories at The Orange Rhino Facebook page about my life with my four teenagers and my journey to discover what keeps me in a goodish place, even when life is challenging and charging at me, so that I can love my life and time with my kids as much as possible.

Oct
13
2023

Letting Go as Teenagers Become Independent is Hard

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I told myself I wouldn’t cry.

My worried mama heart had other plans. I quickly looked away so my son wouldn’t see me as I wiped away my tears. He needed to feel my confidence, not my concerns. He needed to feel that I believed in him, that I believed that everything was going to work out okay.”

Don’t let him see your tears this time. You’re gonna be okay. He’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay. Think of a happy thought.” Okay. Back to slightly more grounded. Moving forward.

I told myself I wouldn’t cry again…
but my now weary, tired mama heart had other plans. We had worked through as many scenarios as possible, but no one thought of this one.

Panic started to come in and pushed the tears out. I stayed calm. I turned my back to my son once more and called to him to keep walking with me, forward, together, as I discreetly wiped away my tears.

“He needs your strength and problem solving.” I said to myself.

“He needs your determination and calm. You got this. You’re going to be okay. He is going to be okay. It will be okay.”

“Mom, it’s okay. I’ll be okay” He said to me in a shaky, nervous voice as he walked next to me. I am sure he was also saying to himself, “You got this. You will be okay. It will be okay. Be strong. Be calm. Keep it together.” Maybe he wasn’t. But I bet he was.

“We will find a way, I promise. Not giving up yet, k? And we aren’t going to worry until we need to and I know you’ll be fine if we don’t get the answer we want.” I said to him.

I scanned the area for a loving, helpful, friendly face. Spotted! She had the coolest glasses. The warmest smile. And a mom vibe. “Come on,” I said to my son. “I see someone who looks like a loving mom who will understand. Let’s see if she’ll help.”

“Hi…” I started to talk, my voice trembling, tears forming. I explained the situation and somehow through my mumbling she understood. She didn’t hesitate. She reached out her hand, and gestured,

“Don’t worry, I got you. Come on.” And she did. She had us both.

I told myself I wouldn’t cry but here I am in Newark Airport crying again…this time not out of worry but joy and pure gratitude. I would have hugged this TSA agent if I could have.

You see this was the first time any of my kids is flying solo to visit go somewhere. I’ve been a mess. It’s a milestone. An important one on so many levels. One of growth, one of letting go literally and figuratively…for me and for my son.

We both have anxiety (I share that with permission.) He was totally ready to do this but he still wanted me to go to the gate with him. I was obviously happy to oblige He had TSA pre-check and I didn’t. He doesn’t like crowded lines (me neither buddy, me neither) or running late and the regular line was loooong. Standing in that line was just gonna add to the unspoken building anxiety that morning. This was the third unexpected mishap in fifteen minutes. Thank goodness for this wonderful TSA agent that took care of us. And here I am crying again as I sit here, on the other side of security, waiting for him to board.

I’ve been holding in my emotions for weeks and still haven’t fully exhaled. Waiting to. I’ll exhale a little at 11:00 when he lands and fully when he lands back in Newark.

Until then, I sit here with my son answering his questions and what if’s, that are helping to soothe his anxiety (and consequently, mine.) In between the questions I remind myself how proud I am of him, how far he has come and how he WILL be okay. How, lol, I can finally relax a bit after he lands successfully later today!

* * * * *

He has boarded the plane. I knew I wouldn’t get a hug goodbye – that would be too hard. He was focused on staying calm and not showing his nerves. I get it. Been there done that couple hours earlier. He walked on the jetway and the tears started. Didn’t want to be a bawling mess so I quickly turned to find a place to be in private while I waited for his flight to take off.

The Orange Rhino SunriseAs I turned I noticed the most beautiful, perfectly timed sight. The sunrise. How appropriate.

A NEW DAY, a new phase of my son’s life has begun. It too is beautiful.

I walked over to the other side of the terminal and watched the sun slowly rise. Hesitant, but strong. Like my son. I soaked in the beauty, the glow, the energy, the peace. The promise of a new day and good things to come.

* * * * *

I wrote this yesterday. He has landed. And today is another new day with good things to come.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today and always,

The Orange Rhino®

 

Another popular Teen Post? 
How to Not Yell at Teenagers, According to My Teen!
https://theorangerhino.com/how-to-not-yell-at-teenagers-according-to-my-teen/

Get *almost* daily stories at The Orange Rhino Facebook page about my life with my four teenagers and my journey to discover what keeps me in a goodish place, even when life is challenging and charging at me, so that I can love my life and time with my kids as much as possible.

 

Sep
26
2023

Learning to Re-Charge So I Don’t Charge (by Yelling)

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I sat down at the kitchen table and mumbled, “Finally, sitting down for the first time today.”

And then I part laughed, part sighed to myself.
This wasn’t the first time I was sitting down.

I sat in the minivan driving for an hour.
I sat at the soccer game for an hour and a half minus a walk to the bathroom.
I sat in the minivan earlier, not just driving to the soccer game, but driving this kid here and that kid there.
I sat in the same spot writing the grocery list before that.
And before that I sat helping a kiddo with their homework.

In fact, I did a lot more sitting than I liked that day. A lot more. Why was I so excited to be sitting down…again? Didn’t all the sitting down earlier in the day count? Wasn’t it exciting?

I have this elusive belief that “finally sitting down” = rest.
But honestly, that is hardly what it means in my life.

Rarely does sitting down ever mean rest if I am in mom mode; or even if I am not in mom mode but my kids are awake and I am waiting to be in mom mode.

Sitting down at the dinner table?
My mind is still going and I am keeping the peace and working with my children how to resolve their conflicts on their own so we can have a civilized meal

Sitting down in the car?
I am asking for a little quiet so I can focus on the directions to the field in the middle of absolutely, positively nowhere.

Sitting down doing math homework?
I don’t think I need to explain that and I am a math dork and this stuff isn’t straightforward anymore.

Sitting down watching a tv show?
I am interrupted with dog barking, a sudden need from someone in my house, etc…Honestly I am making a shirt that says, “A mom at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by a child.” Trademarking that now.

Sitting down by myself, kids all out and about?
The phone rings because someone needs to be picked up early.

This isn’t a bad thing. I love all of the times sitting in the car with my kids (okay, most all.) I love helping them and attempting to have family meals together. We will get there…. And also, it just isn’t exactly restful. It’s exhausting sometimes and it takes a lot of energy.

The only time my mind is at rest is when I am asleep and even that isn’t a guarantee. See Exhibit 4:58 am when I woke up before my alarm. And the only time my body is truly at rest when sitting? Is if I actively make it be and that, lol, takes work too…so then my mind isn’t at rest either.

Good news? I am aware of this predicament. I am actively working to be more restful when I can be during the say. See Exhibit photograph. The Orange Rhino is TiredI’m tired. My face isn’t healing well from skin cancer surgery. I’m getting irritable. I continue to put “intentional rest” on my priority list, or in Orange Rhino language, re-charging.

I am actively working on boundaries at home too – if I am sitting and resting – leave me be for a bit.  There’s another product. I’m going to make a hat and the back will say: “Re-charging. Do not Interrupt.” I will put it on, go to my kitchen table, sit down, put my head down, and let my message read loud and clearly.

Today, this is going to be hard. It’s go-go-go from 8:00am until 10:00pm (yeah, club volleyball is back!) So next small step? Look at my calendar and find just 5 minutes to take a break and re-charge. I can find five minutes. Or even five, one-minutes scattered throughout the day. What about you?

Sending warmth and strength today to you as always,

Love,
The Orange Rhino

Feeling tired too? Needing to re-charge? Join us in The Orange Rhino Community where we support each other and connect daily – one of the best forms of re-charging there is!

Sep
22
2023

The Relationship Between Self-Confidence and Yelling Less

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My Voice is Yelling at MeI knew almost immediately that I was pregnant with my third son. Intuition, gut instinct, whatever you wanna call it. 14 years ago it was strong! And 14 years ago, not only was it strong, but when I felt it, I had the strength to listen to it, without hesitation.

I’m not sure when I started losing both – my gut instinct and the confidence to listen to myself. But somewhere in the last fourteen years, I did. And in losing both, a lot of internal conflict has ensued and therefore stress endured. And really, in losing both what I mean is, losing the ability to believe in myself and trusting myself.  It’s been a challenge I’ve been working to charge through.

Without my gut instinct fully functioning these last few years, it has been hard to make decisions. I constantly seek out advice from others – exhausting for me and my circle. I make more bad decisions than I used to. I feel less confident, less safe even because I don’t feel protected by my red-flag meter.

And then when I do have an inkling of a gut instinct / knowing what I truly deeply want, but won’t listen to myself, I still struggle making decisions. I go back and forth constantly doubting myself and make no progress. Well I make progress – driving myself bonkers that is!

All this said, there is one area where my gut instinct has started to come back online. Where I know exactly what I feel. My awareness that my “gut instinct” needs some love and attention. So that is what I have been doing. Learning to believe in myself again. I’m making progress ever so slowly and can’t wait to share how with all of you. It hasn’t been an easy task, but it’s one I’m willing to work on because it’s something I want to show by example to all my kids so on their birthdays they can look back at their year and say,

“Yep, I had a good year. I believed in myself and led a life I loved that was true to me.”

Happy Birthday kiddo #3. You remind me daily to be true to me. You also make me laugh when I desperately need it and for that, I am forever grateful.

Sending you all warmth today and a reminder to be you!
The Orange Rhino

–> Part of yelling less is being in a good spot when an annoying moment happens. Part of being in a good spot is having less internal conflict. This post might not seem to be about yelling less, but it truly, deeply is. I am writing slightly differently, but trust me, if you are following to learn to yell less, all messages will take you there.

Join us in The Orange Rhino Community for support finding your inner voice and yelling less in the process!

 

© 2023 The Orange Rhino

Sep
21
2023

The Orange Rhino Charges Towards the Future

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Hi! As you know, I have been evolving. As I learned to yell less, I learned that the real secret was making sure that I was in a good place. And as I learned to be in a good place, I learned that my life needed to support my ability to stay in a good place!

That said, The Orange Rhino® is a huge piece of that and I need help figuring out how to get it to where I want it to go in the future! I can’t do it alone. You all have been a huge part of the community getting to where it is today – it only makes sense that you are a part of where it goes now! I have loads of ideas and dreams and I want you all to come along with me. Your input really matters to me. I don’t need a lot of time. Whatever you can give, awesome!

I am imagining small brainstorming calls. Maybe a few surveys. And I am imagining giving out some of the stuff we create 🙂

Share your info below and I will be in touch soon, Sheila-timeline-soon! In the meanwhile, please feel free to message me any wishes, hopes, dreams you have for The Orange Rhino community. How can I help you?! What topics beyond yelling matter to you? What products would interest you?

All my best always, and forever grateful, and I mean that!

Sheila a.k.a The Orange Rhino.Or is it The Orange Rhino, a.k.a Sheila. See? I need you!!!

The Orange Rhino® Charges Towards the Future Team!

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