Tag Archives: ADHD

Why Meditation Doesn’t Work for My ADHD Brain — and What Does Help

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Fastest way to make my blood boil? Besides, “take a deep breath?” Tell me to “just meditate.” Here’s the thing –> I can’t. I’ve tried. I cried once when I tried to meditate because I felt so frustrated. That was shortly after my marriage ended.

Okay, maybe that is actually why I cried. Either way, super fun times. Meditating just isn’t my thing. It makes me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. It makes all the chitter-chatter in my ADHD brain even louder. More obnoxious. I know, I know. The irony is far from lost on me. These are all reasons why I NEED to meditate. Noted. “Keep trying,” they say. “Your nervous system needs it,” they say. “I know,” I say.

It just isn’t my thing right now. So…I beach instead. I walk in the waves. I listen to the seagulls. I stare out at the ocean. I don’t meditate. I beach. And wouldn’t you know… I recently read an article about how spending time near the ocean can have some of the same calming effects as meditation.

When you stare at the ocean, there’s very little visual disruption. The mind naturally rests a bit. And then there are the blues, the sound of the rhythmic waves and the gentle breeze. All of it can be soothing to the body.

When I go to the beach… my mind focuses on the sounds of the ocean. On the breeze. On everything in front of me—which isn’t a lot—instead of everything in my mind, which is a whole lot of heavy.

The beach is an entire sensory experience for me. And my mind focuses on just that. My mind settles. Everything in my head quiets. The only noises I hear are the soothing ones from the beach. The gulls. The waves. The breeze.

Sometimes even the laughter of kids. I don’t hear the noise of worry. I don’t hear the noise of stress. I don’t hear the noise of “Mom, Mom.” I don’t hear the noise of my to-do list. I don’t meditate. I beach. Unfortunately, I don’t beach enough.

But today I do, and it feels great. My biggest problem today is that someone’s gonna have to get me off the beach! I never, ever want to leave. I know a lot of people feel that way.

But for me, I also know it says something about how much my mind and body need places where everything feels quieter. I don’t live at the beach or even near it.

But my backyard feels a little bit like an oasis, and inside my house, I chip away at making it feel more and more like a beach house. With minimal visual interruption and maximum blues.

And I do all of this happily…even though everyone reminds me, “You don’t live at the beach, so why do you make your house look like one?” Um…because I don’t live at the beach. Obviously! Or, as a teenager recently said to me: “Obvi.” Obvi.

Okay then… If you don’t meditate—and you feel guilty like I sometimes do because everyone seems to do it and you should “just meditate”—please know there are other ways to find a similar feeling. Find what quiets the noise for you. I don’t meditate. I beach.

And I beach happily. Sending my warmth to you today, especially if you are seeking a little more quiet too.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Don’t Let a Disability Tell You What You’re Capable Of

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There is no polite way for me to write this post. I’ve actually waited a few days (and months) so I could be “cool, calm, and collected.” Truth? I’m not sure I will ever be entirely cool, calm, and collected about this. This post is for any parent, child, or person who has ever been told they weren’t good enough because they have a disability. Or because they learn differently. Or because they learn more slowly. Do not, I repeat, do not, let anyone tell you that you are not good enough to become what you want to become.

I have four sons. I’m sharing this with permission. One of my sons has severe ADHD, auditory processing and other learning challenges. He was bullied by students and teacher aides alike. In 6th grade, an aide said to him, “You will never go to college or succeed.” Imagine if he had listened?!

Well, he didn’t. Instead, he basically said, “Oh yeah? Watch me.” He is now at a top college, on scholarship, getting good grades, and studying to become a special education teacher. Because he had a few of us rooting for him, pointing out to him the good we saw in him; his strengths, his opportunities. We believed in him until he could for himself.

Another one of my sons has struggled since kindergarten. In 3rd grade, his teacher told him, “We don’t have books at your reading level in this classroom. You’re a big kid now. You need to try harder. Stop being lazy.” Lazy? I told her to look at the facts. To look at everything else he could do; how hard he worked, how hard he was trying to find ways to help himself read! I said, “He is not lazy. He is struggling to read. There is something we are missing. Help.”

Fast forward two years. I asked the elementary school principal for extra support going into middle school. “We don’t proactively add support.” Right…

Middle school was a challenge. His mental health took a hit; his homework, tests, quizzes, you name it, took a hit. A child who used to love learning, who tried so hard, slowly stopped trying. I pushed again for help. And I was asked, “Are you sure you’re not being a helicopter parent? Overbearing? Maybe trying to get him extra help just so he gets A’s? We see that a lot in this town.”

The fact that I stayed polite at that moment?

Honestly, a true Orange Rhino® moment. Because no. That was not it. I said, “He is masking. He is truly struggling. You’re missing it. I need you to trust me.” They didn’t. They kept insisting he needed to try harder.

And now? That child has an IEP because one person finally listened to me. One person took the time to look beyond the struggles to see the strengths. My son has a learning disability, including a form of dyslexia.

And the testing showed it is not mild. Cue the tears. Cue my rage. Cue the heartbreak of knowing I was right and that it took years to get him all of the support he needed. (I had gotten him other support but what he needed most was in school.) But here is what I need people to understand: A child (anyone really) who learns differently should not be written off. Different pace. Different path. Different strengths.

Still capable. Still worthy. Still full of potential. My boys are proof of that. Their struggles have built empathy. Determination. Resilience. Leadership qualities. Yes, I wish parts of their journey had been easier. Of course I do.

And I know they feel the same. But who they have become because they kept going? Because they had to try harder to learn and to (sadly) prove themselves to the world and sometimes to themselves? I would not change who they have become for the world. Who they are in heart, grit, perspective, and character is second to none.

So let me say this loudly: Let’s stop confusing disability with inability. A disability is not a disqualification. And different does not mean less. (argh!) Sending my warmth and a little extra oomph to you all today and always, and an extra amount of love and support to any parent who knows and feels this post all too well.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD and Perimenopause: Why Women Deserve to Be Believed

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Nothing says “support women” quite like questioning their diagnosis. We tell women to advocate for their health and then question the answer when they finally get one. I’m grateful there’s more conversation happening around perimenopause and women’s health. It is needed and it matters.

But there’s something about the conversation that has really been getting under my skin. Here’s the tricky thing: A lot of perimenopause symptoms can overlap with ADHD symptoms at first glance. And because of that, I keep seeing comments and videos — from other women, mind you — basically questioning whether women diagnosed with ADHD later in life really have it… or whether they’re “just perimenopausal.” And wow, does that get under my skin.

Because yes, some of us really do have ADHD. And yes, some of us are also in perimenopause. And yes, perimenopause can make ADHD even harder to manage. Those things can all be true at once. What frustrates me is this: We constantly tell women to trust themselves. To listen to their bodies. To advocate for their health. To keep pushing until they get answers because they know their bodies best.

But then when a woman finally does get an answer — and knows it’s right, feels the relief, finally exhales — people turn around and question whether it’s real. No thank you. That doesn’t feel like support. That feels like more dismissal. My ADHD signs were there long before perimenopause.

They were there in elementary school. “Sheila, raise your hand.” “Sheila, stop talking.”

They were there in how overwhelmed I got. “Sheila… she’s the emotional one.”

They were there in how hard I worked to stay organized. Binders were — and still are — my best friend.

They were there in the way I needed systems, structure, lists, and detail just to keep my brain from feeling all over the place. I’ll never forget the to-do list and Excel spreadsheet I made for my wedding. It was a masterpiece. My ex’s friend looked at it. Looked at me. Looked at it again.“Sheila… this is a bit intense, don’t ya think?” Oh, it was. But I needed every detail captured and tied to a time or I would have been lost. Side note: the marriage didn’t last, but the wedding was indeed phenomenal. So many wonderfully executed details. Thank you, ADHD creativity and hyperfocus.

So no, I wasn’t “suddenly ADHD” because I hit my 40s. I was a girl who learned how to compensate. A girl who tried really hard. A girl who looked capable from the outside while working overtime on the inside. A girl, then a college student, then a mom, who was absolutely exhausted.

And I know I’m not the only one. So yes…women should absolutely keep talking about perimenopause. And also about how it impacts ADHD women. And while we’re at it, let’s also stop acting like late-diagnosed ADHD in women is some suspicious trend people are latching on to. It isn’t. Trust me. There are upsides to ADHD and also, some real, not so popular, challenges. The diagnosis didn’t come out of nowhere. It just took a while — too long, really — to receive it.

And gosh, is it a relief to have. To finally understand myself better; to realize I’m not broken. And again, to know I’m not the only one. On that note, I’m going to take my medication, make a list for the day, then talk to myself to help keep me on task and remembering what I’m doing. Oh the things we learn!

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you all today,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD, Forgotten Dry Cleaning and the Humbling Reality of Everyday Life

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I was so proud. And oh so quickly humbled. Please tell me someone out there has the same story?! Y’all… the dry cleaning in this picture? Take a guess at the date on the ticket. Go on. If you’re guessing January 2026… Nope. December 2025? Not even close. September 2025. SEPTEMBER. What even is that?!

And the wild part is…I was so proud of myself yesterday. First, I actually did my laundry like a functioning adult: put it in the washer, moved it to the dryer on time, and even took it out within a reasonable amount of time.

Honestly? I felt unstoppable. Then I thought, “Oh! The dry cleaner is on the way to the dentist. I can drop off my winter sweaters and pick up my pink button-down for spring.” Planning ahead. Following through. Managing life. Who was this girl?! The day before, I had even gotten myself to a doctor’s appointment on time by setting a timer, getting up when it went off, and staying on task all the way to the car. Again, who is this girl?!

I was so proud of myself. So pumped up. What the what?! I mean… is this what 48 is? Being genuinely excited that you followed through on basic tasks? Being genuinely excited that you’re finally figuring out how to manage ADHD while perimenopause is totally trying to make everything harder? Because if so… wow.

This is…humbling. Also maybe a sign to put “plan actual fun” on the calendar immediately. (Pause. Doing that now. You know, so I don’t forget.) I’m back.

So, yesterday I was feeling good. Proud. On a roll. I got to the dry cleaners. Got out of the car. Walked inside. And then… Guess what I did not have with me? The sweaters. Thankfully they were still in the car, so fine. Minor embarrassment. No crisis.

But then I asked for my pink shirt… …and she came back with the shirt and four other items. FOUR. From SEPTEMBER. This, my friends, is exactly why I do not do dry cleaning. I either lose the ticket… or forget the clothes exist entirely.

So yes, “pick up dry cleaning” now officially just got added as another task in Google Calendar. Oh Google Calendar task list… I’d be lost without you. Who am I kidding?

Still a little lost over here. But definitely less lost with you. Please tell me your version of this so I can feel less alone. I’m going to be kind and drop a few more in the comments so we all feel less alone. (As I drink my cold coffee. Not iced. Cold.) Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Anxiety vs. Depression: What I Misunderstood About My Own Symptoms

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I was shocked to receive the diagnosis: anxiety. For years, the word used to describe some of my grayer days was depression.

Turns out, a lot of what I thought was depression was actually anxiety. But I didn’t realize that at the time. Something happened when my oldest was about 6 and my youngest was about 1. One of my friends made a loving comment that I seemed a lot less anxious around my kids that day. At first I was aghast. How dare she? What? Me? Anxious? I’m cool. Calm. Collected.

But she was right. My heart wasn’t racing as much. My brain also wasn’t. And my shirt, well, it didn’t need to go to the dry cleaner that day. My oldest has severe ADHD. My anxiety was through the roof when he was younger, driven by my worries about what people would say about us in public or in private settings. Her comment made me reflect on how I acted and how I parented. It helped me start to change some of my behaviors. (Which was a good thing, because those were the early days of The Orange Rhino Challenge®.) Fast forward five years to my divorce era.

I was talking with my therapist about how hard the days were. She mentioned treating me for situational depression. I agreed. Then she said, “And I think you should mention anxiety to the psychiatrist too.” There it was again. The A word. “What?” I said. “I don’t have anxiety.” But then I paused. My therapist was right. And you know what? It was an incredible relief to accept that.

Turns out, so much of my “depression” was actually driven by anxiety. (Not long after, I also learned ADHD was part of my struggles. Like my skin cancer, that diagnosis took a lot of advocating. A story for another day.) I’ve learned a lot about anxiety since that day in my therapist’s office. She taught me a lot of skills. I taught myself a lot about, well… me.

But the best thing I ever learned? This: Try your best to not worry now. Wait until you know facts. If your fears don’t come true, you wasted energy and felt bad for no reason. If they do come true? Then they hurt twice — in the moment, and in all the anxious moments leading up to it. Mic. Drop. The picture in this post? It’s my current hairstyle.

And it is sooooo much better than I expected. My anxiety was understandable — I don’t dismiss it. I try to understand what it’s telling me.

But I’m also grateful I didn’t wallow in it for weeks leading up to the procedure (a few hours here and there? Yep. Totally did. I’m human) Because when I used to wallow in anxiety, I snapped at my kids more. I wasn’t as present as I wanted to be. And when I was present? I wasn’t exactly fun to be around. I was on edge. Which meant I enjoyed fewer moments. I spiraled during the day, got off track, and then felt even more anxious at night.

My relationship with anxiety still needs work. (Don’t most relationships?) Teenagers driving, going to college, making big decisions on their own will absolutely test anxiety. But I’m doing better. And I’m grateful for my therapist. And for that friend years ago who planted the seed. Sometimes one honest comment is the beginning of a completely different life. We just have to be open to hearing it. I know. Easier said than done.

So. Much. Easier. Kinda like managing anxiety. If depression, anxiety, or ADHD are part of your story, welcome. I get it. And if you don’t have a formal diagnosis but perimenopause has brought on some very similar symptoms… also welcome. Heck, welcome everyone. Sending my warmth to you, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Late-Diagnosed ADHD, Perimenopause and Sensory Overload

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I’ve been meaning to write about life as a late diagnosed ADHD lady since October is ADHD awareness month but lol, I have ADHD so you know, I forgot/got distracted/struggle to follow through, IYKYK. Perimenopause has absolutely made it worse, like way worse. And you know what else does? Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was SO excited the other day! It was the first real sweater day. I took out my favorite orange sweater. Favorite because of how it looks – not how it feels. I put it on. I tried. Oh did I. I lasted 15 minutes before I had to change. It just felt toooo heavy, even though there are times when my body needs the heavy, the weight to feel better, when –  get this – life feels too heavy. The sweater hit in all the wrong places that morning and annoyed me…which set off my ADHD. I couldn’t focus for shite. I think I re-heated my coffee three times in the span of five minutes because I kept forgetting that I already had. True story.

Between heatings, I pulled at the sweater and tried to pep-talk myself into working through the discomfort. The thing is, when my SPD is in a mood, there is no talking my way out of it. Upstairs I went, to put on a new orange sweater, because obviously! This time I intentionally went SNUG, tight like a hug. Phew, sensory meltdown averted. Outfit stayed on all day until dinner time when I was so exhausted from an actual productive day (thank you ADHD medication and new tools I am using to help me stay on task) that I craved soft and cozy.

My brain was fried though. An hour after feeding everyone (Taco Monday around here!) I realized I was starving! Rice, beans, a little taco meat and cilantro was my main meal that night…but I forgot to eat. SO typical. Like beyond. At least I hadn’t left the stove on this time 😉 None of these actions were intentional. I wasn’t trying to make my day harder. My brain was just braining, as it does! I write that because I know there is a chance you know someone with ADHD or even SPD and maybe sharing that, sharing these stories helps a little to understand them, their experience.

When I was a kid, my SPD was dismissed, criticized, blamed. As was I.

“Just eat the food, there are no nuts. You are being too sensitive,” My grandma said.

Yes there were. I hated the texture. I gagged.

“Hurry up, your clothes are fine. The itching will stop.”

No it won’t, let me change. I will be in a better mood.

When I was a kid, my ADHD behaviors were seen, but not entirely criticized because I was a people pleaser. I worked hard to hide the behaviors that were called out once – and rarely again. I found a note at my parents house recently. It was from me to incoming 4th graders.

“You will do fine as long as you sit still, don’t talk a lot, write neatly, don’t blurt out answers, and don’t fidget. Oh and if you have to chew gum, do it quietly and do NOT blow bubbles.”

It was as if I was reading a letter to my sons;) –> The best part of having ADHD and SPD? Sometimes my ADHD makes my mind go so fast in so many different directions that as I try to slow it down and make sense of it all, my body physically gets overwhelmed and overheated which leads to an SPD meltdown. Legit, it’s a lot of fun. Kidding. It’s not. It stinks and often leads to an outfit change in huff and a puff 😉 Learning to manage this as I raise kids with some of the same challenges has been a gift—and a challenge.

Oh wait, I just thought of another highlight 😉 Thanks to SPD, I strongly dislike wearing anything that offers sun protection—read, anything that protects me from getting more skin cancer. Nothing ever hits right or feels right; everything almost always annoys. Hats. Sunglasses. Coverups. Sunscreen.

But I have no choice. The fun part?! I just about always forget something. Creating habits and sticking to them are not easy for us ADHD’ers even when we try out darndest. We want to do well, trust me. I share these stories to say, us ADHDers, us SPDers, we’re doing our best. These so-called disorders do present challenges but also, they make me, me and honestly give me some of my favorite strengths.

Creativity.
Attention to detail.
Problem Solving.
Appreciation of beauty.
Empathy.

I see all the ADHDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, distracting, and demanding. I see all the SPDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, sensory overwhelming and really-unavoidingly-smelly at times! I see all of you doing your best in environments where you can’t control anything but how you prepare, how you adjust, how you respond, how you care for yourself afterwards so you are best prepared for the next time.

And you know what else? I see everyone in perimenopause and menopause without ADHD or SPD because I know you are starting to experience similar symptoms I’ve had my entire life. Hot flashes suck, right?! (I get sensory flashes from the wrong clothes, smells I can’t stand) Brain fog? Not remembering where you put something? (Hi, ADHD on a standard day.) I see you all and as always, sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if today is feeling like a meltdown, three outfits, where the heck did I put my brain;) kinda day.

Girl, I couldn’t find my coffee for 10 minutes today.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Five Words I Keep Journaling Until I Actually Listen

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I kept coming back to the same three thoughts yesterday. I sat outside, journaling in hopes of finding clarity. Sometimes when I journal, I give myself prompts, questions, to help guide me and uncover how I’m really feeling. Other times, I just write and see what comes out.

Yesterday, the same words kept coming out. Thinking I should start listening to them and I don’t know, do something to act on them?! Those words were: Live. Lighter. Help. Regret. Give.

I want to wake up excited that my day holds opportunities to give and help others, especially those who have been in my shoes; especially those who feel unseen, misunderstood, alone and doubting if it will get better or if they will get through the day. (News splash…it will and you will, it just might not be wrapped up in a pretty, perfect, package and just as you expected.) I want to wake up and know that I am going to really live – live fully, live freely; live aligned and live alive.

No more going through the day just taking random steps or doing what I think I should do. Nope.
I want to take intentional steps as often as possible because I remember what matters to me.
I want to take steps that take me towards the life I want to live and the me I want to be.
I want to go through the day feeling light because I didn’t let the weight of the day get to me or hold me back and especially not weigh me day.
I want to go to sleep without feeling shame or regret.
I don’t want to feel shame for how I acted; towards others, towards myself, towards my goals.
I don’t want to regret not being present because of how I acted (or didn’t act.)
It’s a tall order, all of these things. But is it? I don’t think it actually is. We can’t get to where we want to be without knowing where we want to go. This is where I want to go.

This is how I want to start my day, go through my day and end my day. Oh, and I want to do it all with the knowledge that it won’t always go this way, not even close. Nope. Not even close.

So I also want to go through the day with the reminder to just go with the flow, the best I can, knowing that the ups and downs, the grays and oranges, are all part of the day. And, I want to go through the day with a little nudge in my side reminding me of all of this because I keep forgetting it!!! For real. I keep friggin’ forgetting what matters to me. My mind is so overwhelmed and on overdrive and on automatic that I just go and don’t stop and audit and remember to ask…

WAIT. Is that what I want? Is this where I want to be? Is this moving me towards where I want to go? I don’t forget because I’m broken. And no, perimenopause and my ADHD aren’t helping. Neither are the demands of life.

But honestly, I forget because I’m human and it is easy to forget if I don’t make remembering a priority. LOL. Oh the irony. I have to remember to remember…what matters. OOF. As if. SO yeah. Working on a way to do just that.

Because I’m tired of ending the day and thinking, wondering, wtf?! Where did the day go? Was it a good day? Do I feel good about the day?

Because I’m tired of ending the day and feeling…yet again…like I’m not seizing the day, seizing the time I have with myself, my family, this life. I’m not talking hustle culture ladies. I’m talking heart-led culture. I’m talking following my heart to live the life I know I want and that is okay to want. There is so much unspoken pressure to not say, to not feel, that we want more.

Well, I want more. Not more things, but more from my day and from myself. I’m okay saying that. I need to say it more. In fact, I want to yell it from the roof tops. I don’t want to settle and just walk like a robot through my days. I want to skip. I want to jump. I want to twirl. I want to sit when I need to, when I want to. I don’t want to be on autopilot with shame or regret in the passenger seats. I want to be really connected to my goals and what matters to me, personally, professionally and as a parent.

I don’t want to lose sight of those goals. I want them to drive my day. Period. And I know I have to start standing stronger in that voice if I want to get out of autopilot. I have to stop feeling ashamed for wanting more and for having goals. It is absolutely okay to feel this way! I used to yell at my kids too much. I used to yell at myself too much. I still yell a little bit at all of us…always a work in progress, far from perfect.

But now, now I’m going to yell, as in to speak loudly, about what matters to me, so I hear loud and clear, and don’t forget. At least that is my goal;) –> What about you? –>What would you yell about, loud and clearly so you don’t forget?! –>What matters most to you that keeps getting pushed aside? Need help remembering? Just know that as you ponder these questions, you aren’t the only one wondering or struggling with them…and I’m not just talking about me!

Lots of us are. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post hit a loving, sore nerve. Thinking of you extra. Tell me how I can help you, for real.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Burnout and Life Audits: What I’m Reassessing Before a Big Transition

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I recently read an article about being burned out and well, that hit a nerve. I have absolutely, positively, no idea why. Shortly after I realized the month was coming to an end and as has been the case every month, a word came to me clear as day: AUDIT. I need to do an audit of my life. I need to step back and assess my life a bit – my actions, my choices, my everything.

So I give you… AU-dit-GUST. It’s a big month for me. My oldest goes to college in two weeks and I’m not ready. Maybe it’s by design. You know, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about how I really feel. If I did, I would be paralyzed in sadness or overwhelm. Just last night it hit me real hard and the fear came in and knocked me over…

Have I taught him enough? Is he ready for all the peer pressure that comes with parties and this and that? How will he handle the workload? How will this and that and that and this? Did I do enough? Did I do a good enough job? Do I have enough time to do more? Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.

But I have to ask myself, truly, honestly…why am I here? Why am I panicking – besides this is probably normal for first time moms? Well… My gut knows that I didn’t manage my priorities well this summer. That I procrastinated out of overwhelm, fear, and more. My gut knows that I am not doing well with my ADHD and figuring out how to work with it, especially as perimenopause makes it a heck of a lot harder. My gut knows that I am not doing a great job taking care of myself; that I haven’t been eating well, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, or exercising – all things that help me feel well, be well and do well.

And by my gut, what I really mean, is I know. I don’t write this to be negative or self-critical. It’s the opposite. It’s actually self-love in a way. My self-reflection, my honesty with myself, will help me move forward to a place I’d rather be. Not being honest with myself, that’s not love. That would just keep me stuck and feeling heavy. I want to feel light, buoyant, and as balanced as possible. I want to feel as present as possible.

So I need to AU-dit-GUST to see where the obstacles are holding me back. Where can I subtract? Where can I add? Where can I keep things the same? Where can I ask for help? Where can I be more honest with myself? Where can I let go? One thing that I am considering, as you noticed, is writing a little less here this month so that I can really, truly focus on this big transition in my life. It’s hard for me to do this.

It means I will take a hit with Facebook sharing with all of you and I will have to bust my tuckus to get it back. It means while I will feel good about focusing more in one area of my life, I will feel a little unsure about another area. It means I will get out of habit which is hard for me as getting back into habits is always a challenge. It means being uncomfortable. Sometimes discomfort is needed for growth so I am going to accept being uncomfortable.

And besides, my first few days of AU-dit-GUST clearly gave me the decision to take a step back from writing and I think it is the right one for now. We’ll see. Life ebbs and flows. I think we all know that on August 20th (after drop off) I’m gonna be a mess and need to write about it 😉 What about you? Do you need an AU-dit-GUST as you prepare for back to school or the wrapping up of summer and the start of fall? Are you feeling a little misaligned and needing to do a reboot to feel a little lighter?

OR is your AU-dit-GUST leaving you feeling great? And remember, just because we self reflect and see growth, it doesn’t have to be negative. It can be done with compassion and excitement – and it should be done that way;) Off to breakfast as I am in a different city…again.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you totally get this and are feeling you need an AU-dit-GUST like now. Do you want me to post some questions daily? That is easy for me to do…lol…I think.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD Masking: What It Looks Like to Spend Years Hiding How Hard Things Are

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It’s Halloween and also the last day of October which is ADHD Awareness month so…perfect time for me to talk about masks. Even if you don’t have ADHD, please have a read, for me, for the kids who do. Kids will wear masks later today to be someone different – if even just for a little while.

Maybe they will pick that character because it’s fun, or scary, or just plain cool.

Or maybe they will pick it because it is so nice to take a break from being themselves.

Or maybe they will pick it because they don’t want to be noticed by classmates while they try to enjoy trick or treating, because in school the classmates give them a hard time because they have ADHD.

Maybe the classmates give the kiddo a hard time because they don’t stop talking.

Maybe the classmates tease the kid because the teacher always calls them out for not paying attention.

Maybe the classmates give the kiddo a hard time because they make lots of small social snafus because their brain is going so fast it misses part of the conversation (or because their brain is developing differently, in general.) Who knows.

But what I do know? What really makes me want to yell? Is the lack of understanding around ADHD and more so the lack of understanding and empathy for those who have it – kids and adults alike.

And it’s the stigma around it. Oh the stigma and assumptions! ARGH!

“It’s not real.” Yes, yes it is. It is very, very real. It has lots of real challenges and lots of real upsides. Spend just an hour inside my brain and you’ll see.

“It’s all about physical hyperactivity.” Nope. For me? The hyperactivity is in my brain. My brain never stops going, ever. Like, did I mention ever?! It ruminates more than most and it is always coming up with new ideas. See? Challenges and upsides.

“It’s all because people don’t work hard enough to focus, to be disciplined, you name it.” Oh, oh we work hard. It’s all we do. Our efforts to focus and create new habits and follow systems that support us take us ADHDers more energy and many more attempts. It’s exhausting. Especially since said systems often need frequent tweaks to keep our brain on track.

“It doesn’t really impact one’s social life.” Yes, yes it does. It impacts friendships and relationships. I probably have lost a few friends because of my own social snafus and impulsively saying things I shouldn’t have. : ( My relationships are harder because of ADHD; because of losing focus, of forgetting things, of struggling with emotional regulation and being overwhelmed.

And that’s just me. –>I’m not talking about kids with ADHD who are truly left out. Having ADHD can be lonely. There is just so much to know about ADHD. I’m still learning. I’m a mom to four boys and several have ADHD. Learning about how to help myself, as a late diagnosis mom, while also learning to help them, while also knowing that we EACH have our different needs and tools? Well it’s enough to make my ADHD brain wanna explode. Overwhelming isn’t the word.

 And so I often feel shame. A lot of shame. Oh so much shame. Shame because there is such a gap in what I want to do and what I actually do, as a result of my ADHD brain. I know I’m a good mom and also, and also, I wish I had my diagnosis earlier so that I could have had a better handle on my symptoms earlier. So I could be better at helping my family.

But my diagnosis was only just recent because no one saw it or believed me when I started asking. Some said it’s because I wore the mask so well – because I worked so hard to get things right (to be organized, to be on time, to be successful, to be calm, whatever) that I couldn’t possibly have ADHD. I seemed to be doing well so how could I actually be struggling?

But oh did I ever and oh do I ever. And it’s exhausting. Working so hard to manage the symptoms and “keep up” is exhausting. Not to mention I have so much to learn and yet my older brain is struggling to take it all in. I’m determined though to keep learning, to keep supporting my kiddos the best I can, and to keep getting the word out about ADHD from my experience so that more people can take off their masks and breathe a little easier knowing that they’re not alone.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are adjusting to an ADHD diagnosis or love someone who has it. I know it’s a lot and I know a lot of people don’t understand that. I do. I really, really do.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 

Side note? If it weren’t for my ADHD? This page probably wouldn’t exist lol. I mean Orange + Rhino? The amount of steps my brain took to get there, to connect totally random dots?!

LOVE it, total upside to ADHD.

ADHD and Planners: Why I Finally Stopped Buying the Promise of Organization

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Raise your hand if like me, you may or may not have a wee bit of a problem with planners? You know, those cute paper things with dates inside that are generally spiral bound? Well, I gotta share a win with you because you all are the best place to share wins with.

I, Sheila, went into Staples this week and the end cap with all of the brand new 2025 planners called to me and I didn’t buy one! All the new designs with promises of organization, habits formed, water consumed, mindsets shifted, called to me louder and louder. I thought it would be rude if I didn’t at least say hello, so I did.

I went over and flipped through them to see what new feature Blue Sky had come out with for 2025 to help me get my life in order. I started getting excited. Visions of finally having a to-do list system in place came to me. Maybe I would be just as organized as I was in elementary school? Maybe I would finally use all the pages in my planner again like I did in college? Maybe I would diligently write things down and cross them off like I did when I worked pre-kids?

OH THE PROMISE a new planner brings! And then I stopped. “Girl, these planners are gorgeous. Oh so gorgeous AND you know you will not use them. It is a waste of your money. Your mind, your wonderful ADHD mind no longer functions best with these planners. Put it down, say goodbye, and slowly back away from the end cap.” AND I DID! For real, so excited! I know, it’s silly.

But seriously, do you know how many hundreds of dollars I have spent on planners that I’ve never used?! Too many to count. The planners just sit on my desk and honestly, make me feel bad about myself. They remind me how much I struggle to find a system that works for where my brain is today, where I am today. Years ago, in school and at work, my “project list” and “responsibilities list” were wayyyy shorter. Using a planner worked with my ADHD brain.

Today, it just doesn’t. I have tried and tried and tried to make it work, but I just get frustrated that yet again, I can’t find a system I so desperately, desperately need. I accept that I have ADHD. I accept that my brain works differently. I (mostly) accept that I am a single mom. I (mostly) accept that the demands on me are more than other moms and so my list is a little longer. I accept that I have anxiety. I accept that I can overthink my to-do lists and create more items than other people.

I accept that I have sensory processing disorder. I accept I have more items on my to-do list as a result because my physical environment really impacts my well being. AND ALSO I still find myself sometimes wishing that I could just use a planner as effectively as others so that I could manage all of the extra items that come from the above, a little more productively. I still find myself sometimes longing for the days when I was productive and could work around my ADHD because the demands on me were so much less.

But I can’t go back in time and I can’t get the current planners to work for me, and I’ve tried lots of them. I haven’t lost hope though! I’m creating my own system. I’m researching and teaching myself what works for my brain. It’s trial and error and trial and error. I’ll find something. I know I will. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday. Make sure to celebrate a win or two of your own – feel free to even share here.

I’d love to celebrate you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are working through your own challenge and making progress. I see you!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino