Tag Archives: Food

The Fortune Cookie That Made Me Laugh on a Terrible Day

Posted on by
Reply

I almost spit out my wonton soup. We don’t wait until dinner is over to open our fortune cookies. I know, I know. Dinner first, dessert afterward. Whatever. Chinese food is awesome, but the fortune is the best part. And Saturday night’s fortune was priceless. Quick rewind. Saturday was beyond a shite storm. I returned from vacation to life beyond life’ing. All vacation vibes were gone within hours. Isn’t it fun when that happens?!

Some “highlights.” Flight was delayed so we got home at midnight. Woke up late to rush and pick up a sick dog at 8 am. Kids came home early (which is great, I just wasn’t ready for them.) And an ER vet visit at 10:30 pm. WOO HOO! Fun times! Between the kids coming home and the ER vet visit, it was dinner time.

But because of the flash floods and our sick Hope, we hadn’t made it to the grocery store. And with the rain, my honest-to-goodness exhaustion, and lack of shower, I had zero desire to go to any restaurant.

But we had to eat. And I (and a few teens I happen to know) were HANGRY! So we ordered Chinese food and I crossed every finger that some lovely soul would be willing to deliver food in this rain. And yes, all of these seemingly irrelevant previous details matter. Why? I was spent. Kaput. Total gonzer. Vacation away from my home had been great.

But I always struggle on vacation with the pull between relaxing and catching up. Divorce has plenty of curses and a few hidden blessings. Oh, hello there, gray and orange! One of those blessings is occasionally having a week when my kids are away and I can truly choose how to use my time.

And I want to utilize the heck out of it. I want to 1000% soak up the quiet and the ability to do whatever the heck it is I want, or need.

But sometimes what I want and need doesn’t look like traditional self-care. It isn’t always walking on the beach, reading a book, or enjoying the quiet. Sometimes getting something done is what helps me feel better. I had plans to work on well, work;) I had plans to read a few educational books on subjects I’ve been wanting to learn about. I had plans to be productive. Self-care has lots of forms. I didn’t check a lot of the boxes.

I checked some on my vacation, but not a lot. I came home relaxed, yet also a little disappointed in all I didn’t get done in my week off.

And then stress kicked up 1,000 notches with all the gray that happened. So here I was. At the kitchen table. Relaxed from vacation, but not totally. And stressed from the day’s gray happenings.

And I opened my fortune cookie. And I almost spit out my wonton soup. I couldn’t even read it out loud. So my son did. It said, and I shite you not, “Invest in quality self-care products.” Oh, okay, let me get right on that. Oh wait, I already had. After I swallowed my soup, I admit it, I laughed. The irony was so good. So, so good. Just as good as the meal I did not cook and the plates I did not clean. That was the self-care I purchased that day. What non-traditional self-care are you doing today? Sending warmth to you today, especially if surviving shite storms are currently your speciality as well. Solidarity my friends, solidarity.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why I Miss Chit-Chat With Friends More Than I Expected

Posted on by
Reply

I miss having more time chatting with friends. Whether it’s about the weather, celebrity gossip, personal challenges, whatnot, I miss having that connection outside of my family. No offense to my family, of course. I love them. It’s just that chit chatting with friends and other non-family people lands differently, you know? Lately, I’ve been having the same talk with my sons. Not about chatting with friends, but about how no one can really read minds, especially when it comes to communicating.

How assuming makes an arse out of you and me. How sharing what’s on our minds, respectfully, is often a good thing to do. –> That the biggest loss and risk is doing nothing and remaining uncomfortable, unhappy, wanting change. And yet…here I am, not taking my own advice! It made me laugh out loud yesterday as I walked alone on a beach filled with people. It. Was. Awesome. What I haven’t been fully direct about? Why I want to do these Thursday chit chats so badly.

It’s simple. I know how hard it is for me—and I’m guessing for you—to schedule time with friends. And while I know chit chatting on the internet in a Facebook community isn’t the same as chit chatting in a corner booth at a restaurant, I think it is a great start.

Because I miss my friends and I miss the chit chatting. The laughter that follows. The “uh-huhs” and the “yep, me too” and the inevitable tears that quietly fall that you didn’t know you were keeping inside. I know we are all busy. I know how hard it is to have a phone call longer than five minutes in the car between drop-offs or errands. I know how hard it is to make dinner dates happen, and I, for one, really, really miss those times.

When my kids were younger, it was so much easier for me to go out for dinner with my friends every once in a while. And my gosh, those were some of the best times. Even if we didn’t go out but had a girls’ night in. They got me through the long days of parenting younger kiddos. The connection and the laughter were the escape from the day in, day out of being a mom. Whether we talked about the mundane. The celebrity gossip.

What troubled us. What mystified us. Whatever was on our minds. Those times with friends were golden. Are golden. Because friends? They get you on a different level than family. Friends? They have things in common with you that family doesn’t. Friends? They can make you laugh, feel seen and get you through the day in a different way. Now?

Now it is hard to get those times. Whether at night, during the day or in the car. Schedules are busier. After dinner is busier. There always seems to be a kid with an appointment. I’m always having to cancel, hop off the phone or leave early. I take responsibility for not having enough of these connection points right now. I do my best to plan and follow through, but I fall short sometimes. SO anyway, I really would love to be here once a week to just get us all chit chatting with each other, you know, back and forth like friends.

The Orange Rhino Chit Chats. Maybe we swap recipes. Share favorite new pages we follow—instead of TV shows because I hardly watch TV anymore, to be honest. Share what made us laugh this week. Whatever we chit chat about, at the end of the day, hopefully we all feel just a little bit better. Less alone. More connected. Maybe more normal, whatever that means, because heck knows I am not normal.;) I’ve picked Thursdays because, well, we survived good ol’ Hump Day Wednesday.

We need a boost to make it through the end of the week and then through the weekend. I think we can have some really great chit chats filled with: “OMG, me too!” “I didn’t know that. That’s awesome!” And… “I peed my pants, I laughed so hard.” Okay, maybe that wouldn’t be you.

But it might definitely be me lol. Thursdays can be something to look forward to. To keep checking in on throughout the day as a connection point, a touch point. A little (big) boost amidst all of life’s day-to-day heaviness. I know, this is also the goal of everyday here. I’m hoping Thursday is guaranteed a little lighter and also where you all give me ideas and specific requests on something you would like to chat about.

We’ve had two chit-chats the past two Thursdays, but I’m calling today the first official one. Because, why not?! I’m keeping it light and asking about something many of us do every day anyway: Scroll. (Wait, that is kinda not so light, is it? I know many of us wish we scrolled less.

Okay. This might actually make it better!) What pages are making your scrolling time better? More worthwhile? Easier to hop off scrolling and not get sucked in? I need some new pages to follow. I don’t really watch TV except for The Mentalist with my son and Hallmark Christmas movies in the winter. And I’ll catch The Devil Wears Prada 2 when it streams.

So my equivalent is scrolling. Which I think is the same for many of us. But I want my scrolling to be intentional, you know? Value added. I want the pages and posts that pop up for me to make me smile or teach me something I’m interested in or make me feel good about myself. I’m into organizing, the beach—obviously—cooking, neuroscience and the nervous system, home design and decorating, acts of kindness, feel-good stories and laughing.

I’m trying to get away from overly toxic-positive pages—this should be of no surprise—and parenting pages that shame and preach—also should be of no surprise. Any suggestions? What are you enjoying online? Let’s do a page swap. Seriously. Like… “OMG, you have to follow this page…” BUT if you have a great TV show I have to watch that will make me chill the bleep out at night because it is soooo good, I’ll take that too!

And, if you have any questions or topics you want to chit chat about on Thursdays, share those too:) Sending warmth to you today, especially if you are also wanting more connection and knowing inside you that you are partially responsible for it not happening. I feel ya. Let’s chat here today:)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Parenting Overwhelm Makes Sobriety Feel Hard

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn’t the moment. It’s managing your own overwhelm when all you want to do is escape.

Last week, mine had me reaching for a glass of scotch after 450+ days sober. That’s when I knew just how overwhelmed I really was. Two of the three boys were hangry, hangry teenagers. I couldn’t breathe right. I couldn’t blink right. I couldn’t be anything… right. And yes, they are good kids having human moments.

I mean, I get hangry too and um my mood swings are fun at times. This said, I’ve parented from this philosophy for years: De-escalate, don’t elevate.

Don’t elevate emotions.
Don’t elevate tension.

Which also means: de-escalate, don’t evaluate.

Trying to assess what is actually going on, trying to figure out how to help them when they are amped up? Useless. Not gonna work.
Trying to “teach” them how to do better next time when they are amped? Also not gonna work. That will definitely just escalate.

I mean, try telling me how to better handle my emotions during a sudden moment of hormonal rage. Ask me how well I will listen and take in your lesson plan. Amirite?

So when they were stomping around the kitchen, nitpicking at each other, complaining about my meal (the one I was so excited to have made them) and my efforts to de-escalate were not working…

And I realized I was getting frustrated and starting to make things worse, so I left the room. I needed a break. Leaving the room was easy.

“I will not be treated this way.” Turn and walk away. Easy.

The hard part? I still felt all the overwhelm.
The sadness that we weren’t having a family dinner over a meal I thought they would love. The letdown. The clearly other emotions about other stuff I apparently wasn’t aware of.

On the way to the safety of my couch, I saw my fiancé’s glass of scotch. I guess I was bottling up more stress than I realized. I picked it up without hesitation.

What’s one sip? That doesn’t destroy my 450+ days of not drinking, right?

I immediately spit it out, poured the drink down the drain, and the tears fell. Dammit. Parenting is exhausting. I love my kids and still, it’s exhausting. They are human, they act human, and so I give them grace and still, it’s exhausting.

This happened last week. It had been a hard week. As I sat curled up on the couch, crying, letting all the stress out, I decided I needed to change clothes. I needed cozy. I needed to regulate myself so I could handle them better. So I could ooze out more comforting, chill vibes. Sweatshirt and sweatpants on, I returned to the kitchen.

They had fizzled out, thank goodness. One had left. The remaining one apologized, thanked me for going out of my way to make his favorite dinner and get cookies. The other one appeared shortly thereafter and said thank you for the cookies too. (Lol, not dinner. I knew it would be hit or miss with him.)

Walking away was the right thing.
Spitting out the scotch was the right thing.
Neither was easy.

Naturally, I decided to take a picture. The one who hadn’t lost his shite with me saw the glass. “MOM! What are you doing? Put that down! You aren’t drinking.” Oh bless my heart. He was so worried I had taken a drink. That moment made spitting out the scotch, made deciding to be sober, worth it. One of the reasons I’ve chosen to be sober is to show my kids that life is okay without alcohol; that it is not needed to numb during hard times.

My son witnessed it in action. May he remember this. And may I keep remembering that I can do it because honestly? Seeing how quickly I wanted to numb when parenting hurt so badly… when I hurt so much… even after 450+ days? That’s why I personally have chosen to be sober. I know I need to be.

Sending my warmth and a little extra oomph to you all today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Your College Kid Comes Home and the Transition Is Hard for Everyone

Posted on by
Reply

I knew it would happen. And it did. Sometimes I hate being right. As much fun as I had picking up my college kiddo from the airport and having dinner together that night, I want to share another truth. Having him home was hard. For both of us. He (mostly) likes college better. He has friends there. No “quiet hours.” No expectations from me—directly at least;) Here, well… We all had school or work the next day so he had to be uber quiet at night.

And since the renovation, I’ve been slowly putting everything away. So he came home to a house where he suddenly didn’t know where any of the important stuff was. Phone chargers. Pens, pencils. Silverware. It was frustrating for him—to feel out of place. Literally and metaphorically. And honestly? It hurt a little for me too. I also wished he felt more at ease here, at home. Like he used to. You know, in the “before college” days. (Shite, those wet things on my face again.) It’s a strange feeling when your child comes home… and home to them feels different…and you know things are just no longer the same. Not bad, just changed.

Still, there were warm moments. We watched a new cooking show together. The next night, at his request, I made the meal from it and we both loved it. (Street tacos. O.M.G. Amazing recipe. This never would have happened before college, so there’s one, okay of many, upsides.) I introduced him to my mocktail, which he loved. We walked the dog together. It wasn’t all hard. By Saturday he was finally settling in… just in time for him to spend his last day home working on a school paper.

And that’s when the disappointment in myself started to creep in. I knew when I dropped him back at college the next day, I’d be bummed that I hadn’t been as present during his time home as I wanted to be. That I’d be bummed that I’d been frustrated when he’d been frustrated. I was also bummed that our time together was so short to begin with. He spent half the week in Florida with his dad (as he should) and his new friends.

At the same time, I was so happy he went on a trip with them, had a blast, and found a new level of confidence. Enough confidence to go skydiving. And yes, that was a long half hour waiting for the phone call that he was fine lol.

I know this is the new spring break normal. Trips with friends. I think this is one of the quieter heartbreaks of parenting older kids. They either come home on breaks, but not quite in the same way. Or they choose friends. Either way, you’re grateful they’re growing, gosh you are so grateful, and you’re happy they’re healthy and happy…but you’re also missing what was. Just because I know this doesn’t make it easier though.

Likewise, I know this summer, when he transitions home again, it’ll be bumpy at first. That doesn’t make it easier either. Knowing does help me plan ahead though. Not worry… just create some workarounds to ease the easing back into home.

Yesterday morning, I made him pancakes and bacon one more time. Then I drove him back to his second home. It wasn’t even a few minutes into my drive back home before I got this text: “I love you mom. I already miss you. I had a great time watching the cooking show with you. I love you so much and you’re a great mom.” Exactly the dose of orange I needed to make it home without bawling my eyes out. LOL. I pulled in the driveway and another message from him popped up.

It’s in the comments (assuming I can figure out how to share it haha) Cue the tears. Oh life… you sure are full of grorange. Parents of older kids… did this stage catch you off guard too?

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you all today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

You Don’t Need Alcohol to Be Fun: What My Kids Taught Me

Posted on by
Reply

Someone once told me I wasn’t fun and needed to take the pole out of my ass or drink more. True story. Someone I trusted too. I think my sons would say otherwise. Actually, I know they would. I went to pick up my college kiddo at the airport this week. It was perfect timing. No traffic. No cops. Plenty of room to sit curbside and wait. That was the plan until… I saw my son walk out of the airport. I did what any totally normal mother would do.

I turned off the car, jumped out, and ran full speed toward my son, jumping up and down, waving my arms and yelling: “JAMES! JAMES! IT’S YOUR MOM!!! OVER HERE!!!” To be clear…he already knew where I was. He briefly tried walking away like he didn’t know me.

But eventually he turned around with the biggest grin. “Hi, Mom.” “HI KIDDO! I missed you!” “I missed you too. But please don’t ever do that again.” “Yeah, no promises.” “Okay, fine.” And then I got a hug. Honestly? I’ve been wanting to do that ever since seeing people impersonate Will Ferrell’s Elf character running around yelling names. Good news: I still have three other sons to embarrass in the future.

And that wasn’t even the funniest part of the week. Before my college kid came home, one of the younger boys said, “Oh man…James is screwed. He’s not going to understand the new dinner rule.” (Back in January we started eating dinner at the table instead of the counter.) “You know what?” I told the younger three. “You guys should totally play it up. Shower. Collared shirts. Perfect manners.” Zero pushback. 100% commitment.

The night my college kiddo came home… Three brothers showed up to dinner showered, hair done, collared shirts and khakis. Dead serious faces. I, however, struggled. It was just too much. (My boys? Fully, fully listening to plans?! What was happening?!) “We don’t just eat at the table now,” they told him. “We dress up. You need to too.” So off he went…to quickly shower and change. He came downstairs, saw one brother vacuuming and said, “What is happening here???” “Oh yeah,” they said.

“We also do chores while Mom cooks.” The perplexed look on his face? Pure awesomeness. We finally sat down at the table. Mid meal my son goes, “This is so weird. This family feels…normal.” I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I told him the dress code was a joke. He laughed. He loved it. And even took a family picture after dinner. No hard feelings. I’ll treasure it always. All boys, dressed up, laughing, and home in the same room again. Acting like young men. It was weird;) And priceless.

Turns out you don’t need alcohol or a personality transplant to have fun. Who knew? Sometimes all you need is an airport, a ridiculous idea, and four boys willing to commit to the bit. Tell me I’m not the only parent who embarrasses their kids in public. Happy Monday everyone.

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Late-Diagnosed ADHD, Perimenopause and Sensory Overload

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been meaning to write about life as a late diagnosed ADHD lady since October is ADHD awareness month but lol, I have ADHD so you know, I forgot/got distracted/struggle to follow through, IYKYK. Perimenopause has absolutely made it worse, like way worse. And you know what else does? Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was SO excited the other day! It was the first real sweater day. I took out my favorite orange sweater. Favorite because of how it looks – not how it feels. I put it on. I tried. Oh did I. I lasted 15 minutes before I had to change. It just felt toooo heavy, even though there are times when my body needs the heavy, the weight to feel better, when –  get this – life feels too heavy. The sweater hit in all the wrong places that morning and annoyed me…which set off my ADHD. I couldn’t focus for shite. I think I re-heated my coffee three times in the span of five minutes because I kept forgetting that I already had. True story.

Between heatings, I pulled at the sweater and tried to pep-talk myself into working through the discomfort. The thing is, when my SPD is in a mood, there is no talking my way out of it. Upstairs I went, to put on a new orange sweater, because obviously! This time I intentionally went SNUG, tight like a hug. Phew, sensory meltdown averted. Outfit stayed on all day until dinner time when I was so exhausted from an actual productive day (thank you ADHD medication and new tools I am using to help me stay on task) that I craved soft and cozy.

My brain was fried though. An hour after feeding everyone (Taco Monday around here!) I realized I was starving! Rice, beans, a little taco meat and cilantro was my main meal that night…but I forgot to eat. SO typical. Like beyond. At least I hadn’t left the stove on this time 😉 None of these actions were intentional. I wasn’t trying to make my day harder. My brain was just braining, as it does! I write that because I know there is a chance you know someone with ADHD or even SPD and maybe sharing that, sharing these stories helps a little to understand them, their experience.

When I was a kid, my SPD was dismissed, criticized, blamed. As was I.

“Just eat the food, there are no nuts. You are being too sensitive,” My grandma said.

Yes there were. I hated the texture. I gagged.

“Hurry up, your clothes are fine. The itching will stop.”

No it won’t, let me change. I will be in a better mood.

When I was a kid, my ADHD behaviors were seen, but not entirely criticized because I was a people pleaser. I worked hard to hide the behaviors that were called out once – and rarely again. I found a note at my parents house recently. It was from me to incoming 4th graders.

“You will do fine as long as you sit still, don’t talk a lot, write neatly, don’t blurt out answers, and don’t fidget. Oh and if you have to chew gum, do it quietly and do NOT blow bubbles.”

It was as if I was reading a letter to my sons;) –> The best part of having ADHD and SPD? Sometimes my ADHD makes my mind go so fast in so many different directions that as I try to slow it down and make sense of it all, my body physically gets overwhelmed and overheated which leads to an SPD meltdown. Legit, it’s a lot of fun. Kidding. It’s not. It stinks and often leads to an outfit change in huff and a puff 😉 Learning to manage this as I raise kids with some of the same challenges has been a gift—and a challenge.

Oh wait, I just thought of another highlight 😉 Thanks to SPD, I strongly dislike wearing anything that offers sun protection—read, anything that protects me from getting more skin cancer. Nothing ever hits right or feels right; everything almost always annoys. Hats. Sunglasses. Coverups. Sunscreen.

But I have no choice. The fun part?! I just about always forget something. Creating habits and sticking to them are not easy for us ADHD’ers even when we try out darndest. We want to do well, trust me. I share these stories to say, us ADHDers, us SPDers, we’re doing our best. These so-called disorders do present challenges but also, they make me, me and honestly give me some of my favorite strengths.

Creativity.
Attention to detail.
Problem Solving.
Appreciation of beauty.
Empathy.

I see all the ADHDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, distracting, and demanding. I see all the SPDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, sensory overwhelming and really-unavoidingly-smelly at times! I see all of you doing your best in environments where you can’t control anything but how you prepare, how you adjust, how you respond, how you care for yourself afterwards so you are best prepared for the next time.

And you know what else? I see everyone in perimenopause and menopause without ADHD or SPD because I know you are starting to experience similar symptoms I’ve had my entire life. Hot flashes suck, right?! (I get sensory flashes from the wrong clothes, smells I can’t stand) Brain fog? Not remembering where you put something? (Hi, ADHD on a standard day.) I see you all and as always, sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if today is feeling like a meltdown, three outfits, where the heck did I put my brain;) kinda day.

Girl, I couldn’t find my coffee for 10 minutes today.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Surprisingly Simple Way I’m Connecting Better With My Teenagers

Posted on by
Reply

Yep. It’s true. I’ve discovered a secret to connecting with my teens: being playful. It is legit working wonders in our relationships. The challenge though? It seems they are returning the favor. See photo for evidence.

I woke up at 5 am per usual. The thing is though that as I have been caring for my fiancé all weekend (he had neck surgery and is recovering and not sleeping well) I am EXHAUSTED. Like beyond.

So when I sat down in my chair this morning to write, I promptly passed out. The half cup of coffee I had poured didn’t keep me awake (obviously.) Anywho, I called out to sweet son #4, “Oh sweet child of mine, would you mind pouring me some coffee? I feel asleep, I have to post by 7 and I can’t get up. I’m exhausted.” He started walking towards me, not a complaint coming out of his mouth. That should have been an alarm in my mind.

I looked up. I saw the twinkle in his eye. “Oh thank you sweetheart, you are the absolute best.” I said as he poured the coffee. Then I realized he WASN’T STOPPING. Then again, the twinkle in his eye wasn’t either.

And the smirk had started and it wasn’t going anywhere either. “There you go mom, how is that?” He was so proud of himself, his playfulness, his cleverness. It was adorable. I laughed. He smiled even more. WE CONNECTED. We both relaxed. We both enjoyed the moment. We both enjoyed each other. No bickering. No nagging. No nothing except joy.

This is becoming a regular – the connecting over playful moments that is. The other stuff still happens, I want to be very, very clear. Bickering? Me nagging on occasion. Him complaining on occasion. Us not getting along. Me wanting to call it quits on this parenting gig. Yes, all the not connecting is still present BUT so are these positive and playful moments. The difference? These ones are intentional. They are being made on purpose, by both of us. All of us actually.

My other boys are doing the same. They do stem from me. I admit it. I’m actively being more goofy with them. I blast songs they hate as they get out of the car. And I see their smirk. I unmake their beds when I can tell they will accept a playful silly gesture. I go into their rooms when the mood is chill and jump onto their beds and say, “What’s up doc?” I talk in their language but 100% intentionally WRONG, I mean lamborghini pork chops just sounds ridiculous anyways. If it annoys them, I take it up a notch and they actually love it. The eye rolls are plentiful but also have a sparkle to them.

I’ve lightened up and am stepping out of my comfort zone and it’s working. We are all having MORE FUN together and wow what a difference. Again, the yucky moments are still present but these lighter moments are making the other ones more bearable because (1) I know a lighter moment will come (2) I know our relationship isn’t just the yucky moments I rarely give advice, you all know that isn’t how I roll, but I am going to today.

Go be silly with your kids. Being silly isn’t just for kids or toddlers or babies. EVERYONE loves to be playful and laugh. Even your partner. *Edited to add…in a way that works for your family. Playful is different for everyone.

And that is 100% okay. i.e. I hate to be touched or snuck up on. That is 100% off limits. Playful can be singing together * I didn’t used to be as silly. I was afraid to be.

But my word, now that I am? Oh my gosh life is so much for fun. I mean duh, but not duh you know? Tell me what playful thing you did today. Share the joy with all of us. Inspire us. Maybe we can get 50 comments and then I can create a 50 Playful Things to do to Connect with Your Teens.

Okay that idea just came to me and if anyone steals it I’ll be annoyed lol. There – my not playful side came out 😉 but kinda being playful hahaha. For real though LET’S DO THAT. Goal set! Go! -OR- another edit to add, how did you connect with your kiddos in their, your families, love language? Everyone connects differently. For some of us, it’s cooking a favorite meal.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are wanting to connect with your kids or partner right now and are longing for it so very much. I know that feeling. I will probably be there at some point this week and then I will come to this comment thread for inspiration. Thinking of you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Family Meals Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Matter

Posted on by
Reply

I had an epiphany this week. Nothing totally earth shattering. Probably nothing you haven’t thought of before or even myself for that matter. But it left me feeling so much lighter, especially going into the summer when my desire to make meals will be cut 100% 😉

With all the end of the year go-go-go we haven’t had any real, “solid” home cooked meals in a while. I just haven’t had it in me to do the weekly meal plan and big grocery shop. It’s been – what do I have? Great! That’s for dinner! We have nothing? Okay, quick trip to the store for bare essentials and easy meals. It’s been a lot of pasta, tortellini, breakfast for dinner, tacos, hot dogs, yada yada. And yes, pizza and take out. Stay with me. Epiphany, remember?

I haven’t cooked any of their favorite, more time intensive meals: chicken parmesan, hibachi chicken with fried rice, manicotti, chicken fajitas, homemade chicken fingers, and on and on. And vegetables? Well that’s been carrots, if I remember.

Tuesday I headed out with one son to his volleyball banquet. Because I hadn’t planned ahead, there was no lasagna to heat up or leftover bbq chicken to put on a sandwich, so it was pizza, again. Oh how the guilt started to roll in, all on its own.

And then one kiddo, because kids are simply just awesome like this, “Mom, when are you going to make a homemade meal again?!” And more guilt! Then another son, shhhh’d him and tried to whisper, but epically failed and said, “Dude, be quiet. I love pizza and take out. This has been great!”

I kinda agreed with him. The lack of meal planning, hour long grocery shops, dishes, complaints over meals, and cleaning the kitchen? Oh, oh, how great it had been. The cost? Not so much. The guilt? Also, not so much.

On my walk the next morning, my epiphany rescued me from my guilt. I have very, very few memories of home cooked nightly meals growing up. Here’s what I do remember:

~ One night a week, waffles, scrambled eggs and peas, my favorite meal
~ One night a week, Kraft macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, always a winner, especially with extra butter
~ A salad plate with two pieces of lettuce, two carrots, a cucumber slice, and some tomatoes with every non-breakfast for dinner meal, my mom’s attempt to get us to eat vegetables
~ TV Dinners (turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy!)
~Pizza every Friday night.
~Saturday morning breakfast at McDonald’s with my dad.
~Christmas morning breakfast of eggs, bagels, and grapefruit.
~Lasagna just for me on Thanksgiving because I didn’t like turkey.
~Cereal (mostly Cheerio’s or Rice Krispie’s) when still hungry.

What’s not here? Elaborate, homemade meals every night.

Maybe this was because I was a picky eater, and I didn’t like a lot of meals my mom made

-OR- Maybe it’s because depending on the stage of my life, my mom was either getting a Master’s degree, working, prioritizing herself, or taking care of a family member in need

-OR- Maybe it’s because there wasn’t enough time given our busy schedule

-OR- Maybe it’s because it wasn’t a value of my mom and dad’s Who knows.

But what this memory made me realize, is that what mattered, is that there was food. I was nourished. And an adult, either my mom or my dad or my really cool babysitter, was always there for dinner with me, until my later years in high school.

Dinner wasn’t fancy. Dinner was an act of love. It was a sign that my mom, even in her busy schedule, made sure:

that I was taken care of (and my dad on Friday nights and Saturday mornings.)
that food was available and on the table.
that holidays were special.
that I had what I needed to grow, to be strong enough to swim two hours, to stay up late studying, to do everything I wanted to do as a busy kid, always pursuing a new project, a new club, a new activity, a new idea.

This memory about my childhood snapped me out of feeling guilty about my lack of meal planning and homemade meal cooking. It gave me more permission than ever to make meals that are simple.

Where and when I got this notion that every night I had to make complex meals I don’t know. (Actually, I just realized where it came from..I needed to prove to myself that I can cook because someone once told me I was a lousy cook. Well I’m done with that limiting belief. Buh-BYE!) My kids are nourished, by food and love, and their favorite home-cooked meals when we have time and when I have the energy.

Turns out, the night of my epiphany, we had both. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed making dinner that night. We had meat, potatoes, biscuits and broccoli, a meal requested by my youngest. It came more from a place of love than ever and didn’t feel like a chore or obligation. I hope this epiphany isn’t new to you;) and if it is, I hope you are feeling lighter like I am.

Either way, this epiphany goes beyond cooking. It can be applied to probably any area where we feel we are falling a little short. Our love is nourishment. Showing up as parents, being supportive, creating traditions and memories, is nourishment.

This is what matters. Not how complex or perfect we made things. Sending all my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially as we go into the summer months when there are *SO MANY* expectations out there to hit summer bucket lists. Your presence is a lot. Remember that.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 


*another unedited, stream of consciousness post, showing my reflections of whatever random thought is on my mind or whatever challenge I can currently process so that I can move through it instead of staying stuck AND YES!

I had to take the pizza boxes out of the recycling for a photo because get this…they made it there before I had to ask;) in other words before I could take a picture!

People-Pleasing: How I’m Learning to Put Myself on the List

Posted on by
Reply

I am a people pleaser. Always have been, will not always be (at least that is the current plan.) I am working to pay attention more to who I please to make sure that I too am on that list. That my needs, my wishes, my thoughts, my concerns, my opinions, my dreams are on my personal people pleasing list.

Because I matter too. And while I know this on a higher level, I often forget it at a deeper level, especially when it comes to tough situations.

When I want to avoid major, major discomfort, I abandon myself and what I need. I don’t listen to my own inner voice that is yelling at me, that is so clearly saying, “hey girl, you matter too. What do you want? Need? What is your body telling you?”

Needless to say, not listening to myself in these situations doesn’t end up feeling good or work out well in the long run. It isn’t just tough situations where I don’t listen to my own inner voice and try to people please instead, where it doesn’t work out so well.

It can be day to day situations, like making weekend plans. And it isn’t even just situations that involve others. Sometimes people pleasing is directly pleasing others; sometimes it is indirect, i.e. by going with trends, popular opinions when making a decision.

When I can’t hear my own inner voice loud enough and need to make a decision, I try to go with what others think and say, I try to agree with them, to please them in a way. Right now, I am struggling with two simple decisions: what color patio furniture to get, and what tagline to do 😉

I am so used to people pleasing, that my own inner voice isn’t strongly telling me what to do. I am not used to trusting my gut as much as I used to. It is a wee bit of a problem. I am aware.

A simple situation on vacation a month ago really proved to me that this whole people pleasing thing really wasn’t working out and needed a reboot. The discussion of where to go to dinner came up. I don’t recall details except that it was clear to me that I cared more about the outcome than others, for a variety of valid reasons that I can’t remember.

And yet, I didn’t stand up for my opinion. I wanted to keep the peace. I wanted to keep people happy. I wanted to please people. So I kept my mouth shut. All seven of us went to the one restaurant that I didn’t want to go to because the menu was limited for me. I tried real hard to be at peace with the place and appear content and happy. I really did. But I kinda failed. Apparently my discontent was written all over my face as I looked over the menu and struggled to find anything that I really liked or could (would) eat.

Perhaps the face that they really saw though was the one that was thinking, “Why didn’t you say how you felt? Why didn’t you stand up for your needs and wants? You matter too. It is okay to make sure you are happy too. You can be on the people pleasing list too. This isn’t the first time this week you did this.”

And later, in the middle of the meal, as I sat picking at my food, hungry and disappointed in my food (myself), they definitely saw the face that suddenly peaked up after a major realization.

“Time out. Crapola. This whole people pleasing business doesn’t actually always work. I tried to make others happy by putting their needs first. But in keeping my mouth shut, I became discontent which has put me in a bit of a mood. So now I am struggling to be present and am being grumpy so I am really not ‘pleasing anyone.’ I am actually displeasing people! Which totally wasn’t my goal, I do like to make people happy and I said yes to this restaurant to do that and yet…not doing that at all! This people pleasing has all backfired. I can’t always get what I want when I share my wishes and wants and needs, but at least I can share and not have them fester inside of me, making me cranky.”

It was a major lightbulb moment.

My people pleasing wasn’t actually people pleasing. Whoa. The reality at the meal was that my frustration had been building all week. My frustration wasn’t entirely with the menu. My frustration was mostly with myself, with the fact that I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that was yelling so it could be heard saying, “Hey, I have an opinion, and it matters, and I would like to share it. I am tired of you putting me on the back burner all week girl. This is your vacation too.”

People pleasing is a habit. It has a purpose, it has history. I am well aware of that. Working to re-write this history isn’t easy, but I am doing it, slowly. I kinda have no choice. Because people pleasing isn’t pleasing me so well.

Yes, sometimes it feels good to “people please” and put them first. But more often than not, I am discovering that as I “people please” and don’t put me on that list, as I focus so much on others’ wishes and wants and needs and opinions and let mine fade away, I make life harder for myself, more stressful, less enjoyable, less authentic. I will not totally abandon thinking of others and pleasing others because that is something I value – in a way.

But I am tweaking how I do it, how I define it, and what my boundaries are, because my current relationship with pleasing others isn’t always healthy. I can not keep doing it at the expense of myself all the time. Yes, there are times when it is okay to put others first. Absolutely, I am okay with that.

But that can’t be my go to. I am not sure what my new “people pleasing” boundaries and rules will be. I just know that my mind, my body (yes, literally) and my heart are all yelling at me to listen to them to figure it out. I am listening. I am learning. I am trying. Sending warmth and confidence your way today.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Never-Ending Dishwasher Cycle — and the Tiny Thing That Makes It Better

Posted on by
Reply

This is my favorite time of the night <insert sarcasm> It’s when I realize that we need to empty the dishwasher so that we can…

load the dishwasher so that…

the counter is clear so that…

I can cook dinner only so that…

I can make a mess again and have more dirty dishes and pans so that…

we can empty the dishwasher and load it, yet again.

The only saving grace?! The dish soap. It’s a pretty blue. I look at it and pretend it is the ocean.

No joke. Ya gotta do what you gotta do to get through the monotony!

Oh the other saving grace? In between the loading of the dishwasher is Chicken Parmesan and what is better than that? Ooey gooey bubbly cheesy goodness coming up!

Oh, I know what is better. It is the ONE MEAL all my kids eat not only without complaining but with COMPLIMENTS. Compliments people. Actually, “Mom, this is the best meal ever, you are amazing!”

So dishes be loaded.

Counters be cleaned.

It shall be worth it. (She says on repeat so she doesn’t lose her sh*t in the process!)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino