“Run the Dishwasher Twice”: Permission to Make Everyday Life Easier

Posted on June 25, 2026 by The Orange Rhino

“Run the dishwasher twice.” Or even three times. I saw this in an article yesterday and loved it. The article was about mental health. A woman shared that she was struggling and didn’t know what to share with her therapist that day. I never have that challenge. But I get it. Oh do I get it. Sometimes everything is SO much that you don’t even know where to start. What to say. What to even admit out loud. It is just all too much.

And now Dave Matthews is singing in my head, “Too much to say. Too much to say.” And the song’s lyrics are so uncanny. Which brings me right back to the article. There is an unspoken rule that we should talk about the weather sometimes, right? When we have too much to say?

When our feelings are too heavy? Well in the article, the therapist asked the woman, loosely, what is the one thing on your mind weighing you down? She was afraid, embarrassed to admit that it was the dishes. How she always had to scrub them before washing them because the dishwasher didn’t work well.

“Run the dishwasher twice,” the therapist replied. The freedom. The lightness. The weight lifted. “Who says you can’t do that? Whose rule is it anyway?”

Sometimes you have to do what you need to do to feel good. My life is hard right now. I’m trying to not go there because I know people don’t want to read heavy stuff every day. I mean, I don’t want to read heavy stuff every day. I’d rather talk about the weather every day, like people say we are supposed to when we don’t feel great. And trust me, I get it. I’d rather report that every day is sunny and gorgeous and oh my god, it is just WONDERFUL. But right now, my life is more gray than orange.

So I’m trying to figure out what rules I want to follow and not follow to feel good. Which is why I loved this article. The weight lifted that came with the simple solution. –> –> –> The lovely defiance in it. It reminded me of the day I said to myself, “WEAR the darn jeans that are a size bigger!” So many people tell you not to keep jeans that are a size up. You know, the jeans that “used to fit” before you lost a little weight.

I wholeheartedly disa-friggin-gree. There is nothing worse than starting the day with pants that feel tight. Nothing worse.

And that feeling leads to a domino effect of blech feelings. Start the day feeling as confident as possible. Wear clothes that feel good. I have jeans in 3 sizes. And I’m grateful for all 3 sizes. Life is like a box of chocolates? You never know what you’re gonna get?

Well my hips and my body’s ability to retain water? I never know what I’m gonna get. I want to feel good in my body, in my day. I’ll run the dishwasher twice if I need to. I’ll keep backup jeans.

And I will keep posting content that doesn’t follow rules. Tell us all…lets get a nice little chit chat going… –> What is one rule that everyone says you “should” follow that you decided, “Eh, yeah, not so much.” Do tell! Give us all inspiration and help us feel a bit lighter today. Sending warmth,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

I’m Tired of Being Resilient: What I Finally Told My Therapist

Posted on May 14, 2026 by The Orange Rhino

Yesterday was a hard day. I finally shared with my therapist what I’ve been feeling since February; what’s been growing slowly but heavily. “This whole repeated skin c@ncer, now high-risk situation has me feeling depressed. It’s growing. I think we need to add it to the weekly topics. I’m tired of being resilient. Of laughing with my doctors that I’ll see them soon. I’m tired of coping. I’m tired of putting on a brave, I’m-fine face.

I’m tired of pretending I’m all good. I’m tired. So, so tired.” And I am. Situational depression isn’t new to me. I’ve been there. Here. I’ve let it linger for months. I’ve fought back.

After therapy, I went back to the couch and promptly slept from 10 to 3. Healing this go-around is seemingly harder. As I went in and out of sleep, a popular thought came to me. Repeatedly. “Depression is a liar.” Depression was trying to tell me that I’d have no energy for days to come. Depression was trying to tell me that I’d lost my groove altogether. Depression was trying to tell me that it would win. Ha!! My mind knows better.

It has learned better. It, I, fought back. I refused to go back to 2016, when depression did indeed win. I started to think… What if… What if I did something bold? Years ago, almost ten to be exact, when depression rolled in, I stayed hidden and didn’t share. I figured my way out eventually and came back online in 2022.

But what if this time, I don’t hide? What if this time, I keep writing? What if I share the tools I’m using while I’m using them?

Because here’s the thing. Depression isn’t always the big “D.” Sometimes it’s a little “d.” Sometimes it lasts for days. Or weeks. Or months. Or even years. And honestly, the tools I’ve learned to deal with the depression I face are the same tools I use when the gray in life hits in general. The heavy, blech moments that just happen because well, life happens. The ones that weigh things down. The ones that try to convince us we are stuck there.

And we all face those moments. Depression or not. I know they aren’t unique to me. Life is wonderful. It truly is. And also, life can weigh us down sometimes. I remembered yesterday — as my mind and I fought back the gray — that it is easier to begin feeling lighter when someone sees us. Shows up with us. For us. Yesterday, my fiancé sent me flowers celebrating an accomplishment I’m yet to share with all of you. Little did he know that seeing me, reminding me of the orange I’ve been working toward, would help me take one step forward.

One of my favorite tools. And honestly? One step forward counted. We are all in this together. When gray happens, we show up. With you. For you. For each other.

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sending my warmth as always, xoxo, Sheila (Changed the order up today and soon it will make sense as to why it made sense today)

When You’re Smiling and Crying at the Same Time: Both Feelings Can Be Real

Posted on September 17, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Look closely at this picture. What do you see? Do you see the tear rolling down my face? Do you also see the smile? I don’t share this picture for pity. I share it because it tells a VERY important point. I hope you take a moment to read it. It might just help your adult relationships and your kiddos. One time in couples therapy, years ago, my ex and I were told that when you don’t clearly communicate your feelings, but let your faces and bodies and actions do silent “talking,” that the other person “fills in the blanks” with their own answers as to what’s going on.

Oftentimes, but not always, the answers we create aren’t the truth. Oftentimes, the answers we tell ourselves create anxiety, fear, stress, sadness. The same story goes for our kids.

They see when we are in pain.
They see when we are sad.
They see when we are angry.
They see when we are stressed.

When we don’t communicate why – in an age appropriate, parent/child appropriate way, they fill in the blanks in the story. This happened to me yesterday. My ever so intuitive son called for me to pick him up from somewhere. He heard from the voice, just my voice, not even my face. “Are you okay mom?” Ooof.

I had tried so hard to collect myself and put on a happy, chipper voice to answer the phone. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to hide my feelings. But oh, they know when we are off. They know. “Yep! On my way.” WRONG answer. Here’s why.

The next five minutes he went through all the questions that he peppered me with when I got in the car: “Mom, did someone die?” he asked. “Nope. Everyone is okay sweetie.” I was in too much of a yuck state to even pretend I didn’t know why he asked. I knew I would need to come clean.

But first I wanted him to share what was on his mind. I let him continue. “Oh. But you aren’t okay. DON’T LIE. Are you sad because I didn’t say thank you for the ride before? Are you angry because I’m running late? Mom, are you stressed out from us kids? You didn’t sound right on the phone and well, your eyes are glassy and you have a tear on your face.” Whoa. He immediately assumed HE was the source of my pain and it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

And he thought I lied to him. No good. And whoa. They see us. They see our pain. I had tried to hide it from him, to protect him but all that did was hurt him. And lose a little trust in the process. Again, no good. Sharing big adult feelings with kids is a tricky thing. It’s a fine line like all parenting is…fun times, amirite?

But it is sooo important to give some clue to our kids when we feel off that it’s about US and not them so that they don’t tell themselves internal stories that they’re the problem. Besides, they need to know we are okayish. They need to know that even if we are in pain, that even if we are sad, angry, frustrated, stressed, whatever…that we will be okay. That we have a plan to get through the big emotion to the other side.

Not only does this “knowing” give them the necessary reassurance that we, their safe place, is secure BUT also, more so… It shows them that when they have the same big emotions they too will be okay. That they too don’t have to hide them. That they can feel them, express them, and work through them. That they don’t have to try and stop the tears and put on a happy face. Just some light thoughts for a Tuesday morning.

And don’t worry. I’m okay. Promise. I have plans. And they are BIG. GIGANTIC. HUGE. Wanna know? Drumroll please. I’m taking baby steps, one at a time, forward;) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are both crying on the inside, and smiling on the outside. I feel ya;)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Seven Things I’m Working On to Build a Life I Actually Want to Live

Posted on August 19, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Just a refresher…I’m taking some time with my boys for a few days, 7 to be exact. I’m trying to get in some last minute summer memories before the chaos of school starts. I decided to try planned posts for the first time to help me focus on being “away.” I looked at a bunch of pictures I recently took and the stories behind them to see if there was a theme, and lo and behold, yep. The theme is not surprising at all: 7 goals I have to help me live the life I’ve longed to live.

One big goal? I want to be more courageous; live with less fear, more confidence. In my eyes, Rhinos are courageous and confident. They aren’t afraid to charge when needed. I too, want to go after what I want more, to be less afraid. I’ve known for most of my life that I’ve avoided things out of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of succeeding. Fear of being teased. Fear of this, fear of that.

Shortly before returning I realized in therapy how tired I was of living a life in fear.
How tired I was of keeping my opinions to myself.
Of not standing up for myself just to keep the peace.
Of not believing in myself like I used to.
Of not going after my dreams, just because…of fear.
Of how tired I was of HOLDING MYSELF BACK.

I wanted, want, to be more courageous and have thicker skin (like a Rhino.) I wanted (want) to learn how to take things less personally; to let things roll off my back more. Returning to The Orange Rhino was the start of this.

It was the start of facing fears and overcoming them. I’ve made progress on the more courageous, more confident, less afraid front, but have ways to go. That’s okay. Baby steps. I mean these posts? They are taking courage 😉 They are new and different for me. Stepping out of my normal zone lol. And not sure if they are working, but I’m still trying.

As for these roses, it was a risk and it’s working. I re-planted them at the start of the summer. Two professional landscapers told my fiancé and I not to. “Roses are sensitive. Don’t move them. They won’t survive.” (Such an easy statement for me to identify with since people tell me all the time I’m too sensitive!) The problem with that statement? I wasn’t happy where the roses were. The garden area wasn’t entirely bringing me the joy or peace I hoped for. I wanted to take the risk, make the change and move the roses.

My fiancé and I did the research, re-planted the roses and now, just look at these beauties! They’re blooming and blooming and blooming. And absolutely gorgeous! I see these roses everyday now and I see “thick skin” and having the courage to grow in new places 😉 And I’m reminded of my taking the risk of doing something that might have totally failed.

But roses don’t bloom all year here. Orange Rhinos do though 😉 Do you consider yourself courageous? Or do you too wish you were a little bit more so? Or maybe you consider yourself courageous but, is there one area where you wish you were a little bit more so? Do tell!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are working up the courage to do something hard and important to you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

My Late ADHD Diagnosis: What It Took to Finally Be Taken Seriously

Posted on April 30, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

My ADHD Diagnosis Story * “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.” That was the answer I was given, over and over and over again when I asked, scratched that, begged professionals to test me for ADHD. Talk about dismissive. And unhelpful. And wrong. I never suspected I had ADHD growing up. I mean, it wasn’t a majorly talked about thing and it definitely wasn’t for girls. I knew I had sensory processing struggles but even my mom, who is an occupational therapist, was still learning about what that meant.

But ADHD? Nope. But as I got older, and I had to fill out a questionnaire for one of my sons as part of a neuropsychological evaluation, the wheels started churning in my brain. For every question that I marked a 4 or a 5, “almost always” or “always,” I could have answered the same for myself. At the same time, the set routines and expected daily structures I had had in my life for years, started falling to the wayside.

No more nap schedules. No more going to the same schools. No more simple days where I could count on breakfast at seven, dinner at five thirty and bedtime and eight. I found myself struggling more and more to get things done. To prioritize all the tasks in front of me. To remember basic things. To make decisions. To not sit and zone out for longer than one should. I started noticing how impulsively I could say yes to things; how my brain never, ever, ever stopped.

I complained every. single. therapy session about how I couldn’t manage my time no matter how many different systems I tried.

So I started seeking help from my doctors. Primary. Couples therapist at the time. Psychiatrist at the time. Neurologist at the time. And all said, “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.”

And so I struggled. And I felt like a failure most days. And I cried most days from overwhelm, exhaustion, and pure utter frustration that I couldn’t get my life together and run a house, manage my family.

And I cried from yelling at my kids because I felt awful about myself. I yelled for lots of reasons, some of which were because I couldn’t manage my emotions well, I couldn’t handle my sensory overwhelm well, I got distracted by every request by each child which created mental chaos and…I was impulsive.

But no one saw any of this, which probably didn’t help my pleas for help. I kept it together like the best of them…on the outside. A recovering perfectionist, I did everything I could to make things work. I researched every system I could to help me manage my life better. I should have bought stock in the Staples office supply store back then 😉 Yes, I masked like the best of them. “Wow, she has four kids and she has it together!” No, no I didn’t.

I was falling apart on the inside and no one believed me. No one would really help me. Apparently life was supposed to be this hard. News flash. It wasn’t. I finally got a new therapist and psychiatrist. I talked with my therapist and she agreed that ADHD was a strong likelihood.

So I insisted that my psychiatrist test me. She was hesitant at first. “Are you sure your divorce isn’t just also making it harder? Perhaps your kids’ ADHD and sensory needs are making it harder? Sheila, your life IS HARD. That certainly isn’t helping.” She wasn’t wrong – to ask, or in her statement.

But she also wasn’t right. So I pushed and got her on board after I finally said something along the lines of, “Listed, my brain isn’t working. Something isn’t functioning right. I’m miserable and depressed as a result and something needs to change. I am begging you to believe me. To trust me, to test me. I have kids with ADHD, I’m not clueless. Here are the struggles I had as a kid…..Here’s where I struggled as a young adult in the workplace….Here’s where I am struggling now….” And so she did.

And we decided to try medication and see what happened. I remember that day clearly. For the first time in years, I felt like my brain worked. Actually, worked. Like higher level, worked. I could think clearly. My thoughts weren’t all over the place. I didn’t jump from one task to the next. I felt a bit calmer. I felt like myself again. Why like myself, again?

Well, because before I had kids, and even when they were younger and their schedule was simpler, I could manage my ADHD on my own. I had less distractions, less stress on my brain, and more structure. It was when everything went kerflooey that I could no longer hold it together. I still struggle, just less. My formal diagnosis was only about two years ago (or less) and I’m still learning what works for me and what is the exact right medication to support me.

Perimenopause isn’t helping and life’s stressors aren’t exactly helping. What is helping? Simply knowing that I’m not a screw up; that my struggles are REAL and don’t mean I’m a failure or lazy. This knowledge has helped me give myself more grace and love when I can’t do certain things or when I get frustrated with myself that yet another attempt at bringing more “order to the chaos” in the house has failed. My ADHD diagnosis led to more grace, understanding, and love for myself, from myself.

It’s been a journey to get here, but at least I am here now.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, but especially for those situations where you are working to figure something out about yourself or your life. Keep believing and trusting yourself.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post

What an Eclipse Taught Me About Connection and Being Present

Posted on April 9, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

For me, the coolest part about the eclipse…wasn’t the eclipse. It was what the event achieved in totality. (See what I did there lol?) The eclipse brought people together.

Generations.
Families.
Teachers.
Students.
Strangers.

It got people outside, off their phones, to open spaces where they sat on benches, picnic blankets, beach chairs and just waited, patiently without urgency. It (mostly) put errands on pause, work on pause, appointments on pause. It gave people something positive to talk about, something scientific, artistic, beautiful, fascinating.

The total eclipse didn’t just create a direct connection between the sun and the moon, it helped create a connection between people. And my gosh, we all need more moments like yesterday. More positive interactions with people that bring us together, help us to pause, to slow down, to find common ground – with people we know, and don’t.

Just look at social media and all the genuine, happy, photos. You can see the relaxation, the joy. You can feel it radiating off the screen. I saw it and felt it everywhere.

On our local village green.

In front of our library where people gathered around a telescope.

When two little kids greeted their dad as he exited the train station and handed him eclipse glasses and one exclaimed, “you’ll see the moon!”

I myself, had a beautiful interaction with a stranger. I had just hopped out of my car at my son’s physical therapy appointment. I had been taking pictures from my window

“Did you actually get any good ones?” He asked.

“I did! I put the lens from the eclipse glasses on my camera and that helped. Here check these out!”

And then we looked at them together. It was awesome. It took an ordinary moment I would have otherwise shared by no one and made it a little more extraordinary.

And then I went into my son’s appointment and shared the pictures with my son, his therapist and another older gentleman and we all connected over the eclipse and the good ‘ole iPhone vs my Samsung debate! I didn’t get to enjoy the eclipse with all my kids which was a total bummer. They did get to watch it at school though (thank you school for providing glasses for everyone and taking the kids outside!) But we did talk about it…and we did all at least have our connection moment when we attempted to stay up late to watch UConn totally win the title…again. (Yep, UConn basketball family here.)

I gotta be honest. Going into the eclipse, I was all, “what’s the hype. Is it over yet?” Now that it’s over, I gotta say, “Yes, it was beautiful, cool and fun to watch and worth the hype.” Not just because it brought people together, but because it reminded me to slow down and enjoy the bright, warm moments that are happening around me, in spite of the darker ones.

I was going to skip out on the whole eclipse thing. I’m so glad that I didn’t. It was just the heartwarming experience my heart needed. It was a total eclipse of the heart;) (sorry, not sorry, couldn’t resist) and the energy the entire experience gave off, set me up for a nice night with my family. And we needed it.

We all need connection. Genuine connection. It helps us endure the harder times. What will you do today to connect with others? Doesn’t have to be big. It can simply be having a conversation with the barista, complimenting someone on their outfit and sharing joy over spring clothes, or calling a friend.

Or chat with me! Link to set up a call with me in the comments! I have a few openings in the next week to talk for 15 minutes or so. I miss talking with you all. Those chit-chats were the bright spots of my week! Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How I Try Not to Take My Teen’s Behavior Personally — So I Don’t Yell

Posted on January 19, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

One of my teens was in a wee bit of a bad mood yesterday. Our interactions weren’t all that pleasant. Unfortunately, we were in the mini-van so I couldn’t even take a break and walk away. Yes, yes I could have just kept my mouth shut and not engaged in conversation but it can be realllly hard to do so when the person frustrating you is right there next to you and you really just want to say one more thing!

And it can be even harder to remain quiet when the person frustrating you can’t help themselves and says one more thing to you even after you have stated that you are going to remain quiet. Sooo hard to not engage and take the bait. And so it went for a 20 minute car ride yesterday. Teen trusted me enough to tell me something he knew would upset me. I responded. That wasn’t appreciated.

Then I reminded myself “listen, don’t lecture.” But it was kinda late (in my teen’s opinion.) Teen then gave me a bit of an attitude about my not listening at first and said, “see, I knew you would respond that way.”

The following entirely one-way conversation frustrated the heck out of me. I am human and try my hardest to do my best, but don’t always respond the way one would hope. His words felt a little personal.

I then responded with, “I think it is best if I remain quiet for the rest of the ride. Let’s take a break.”

Well that just got him going even more. More words came out and things felt even more personal to me. I finally said, “You know, lately it feels like you are just always annoyed with me. It’s a real bummer.”

Right statement, right time? Don’t know. His response though? Phenomenally useful. He replied in as irritable as irritable-can-be voice, which by the way he claimed wasn’t an irritable voice (okay, whatever), “MOM, it isn’t personal. Did you ever think that I am not annoyed with you but that I am annoyed with how my day went? That I am irritable because of all the crap that happened?”

And there it was. My #1 take-away about my not yelling at my kids right back at me in a way I never thought of when it comes to my not yelling at my teens.

“It’s not you, it’s me” was the #1 Orange Rhino Revelation that truly helped me to really stop yelling. Realizing that my kids weren’t the problem, that I needed to look within, that I needed to look at what was going on with me, allowed me to figure out why I was really yelling and therefore how I could really stop.

So here I was, feeling like my teen was yelling at me (he claims he wasn’t, we will agree to disagree) and I was starting to take it personal which was making me want to yell right back.

But really, it wasn’t personal. “It’s not you MOM, it’s ME, your teen. I’m irritable because of me and my bad day, not because of you.”

And well holy crap if that didn’t just open my eyes. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I wrote in my books, kids are people too. By the way, teens are still kids and teens are also people too. Teens have bad days and bad moments and their behaviors can be all about them and their emotions and not about us, their parents.

Why is this relevant? I don’t know about you, but when I take stuff personal, I get in a mood. When I take my kid’s behavior personally in particular, it often leads me to, “Where did I go wrong as a parent? What am I doing wrong as a parent for them to be behaving this way?”

This thinking always puts me in a bad place and therefore if I am “triggered” by anything when I am stuck thinking about “where I went wrong” I am set up to react with a yell.

So…taking my teens’ or even young kids’ behavior personal, does me no good.

A while ago I asked my therapist if one of my kids’ behaviors was “normal” per say. She told me it was, didn’t mean it was respectful, but yes it was typical and just needed teaching.

So I said, “so basically… Normalize it, don’t Personalize it.”

This comes to mind now. Normalize it – people have bad days. Teens have bad days. Teens get irritable. Doesn’t mean it is right, just means it can happen and is typical and not unique to me and my situation so don’t Personalize it. Normalize might not be the perfect word, but the phrase really helps me when I am starting to take my teen’s behavior personally.

Not taking the behavior personally helps me to chill a bit, which allows me to remain calm and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting with a yell.

Before yesterday I only applied “Normalize it, Don’t Personalize it” to the really out there behaviors that push the boundaries.

But now, now I am remembering that teens can be irritable for soooo many reasons, many of which don’t have anything to do with me.

#1 New Release on Amazon for Anger Management/Self Help: Audiobook of “How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids-and How You Can Too!” A 30-day Guide with 100 Alternatives to Yelling, Simple, Daily Steps to Follow and Honest Stories to Inspire Thank you for all your support and for making that happen!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino