Feb

2026

When a Leaking Ceiling Is the First Thing You Step Into at 6 A.M.

Posted on February 4, 2026 by The Orange Rhino

I have no words this lovely Wednesday morning. Actually, I did have words. Swears, actually.

Nothing says let’s get this day started like stepping in wet, sticky, unknown liquid at 6:00 am.

Nothing says let’s get this day started by realizing your newly finished ceiling, is indeed, leaking.

Nothing says let’s get this day started by quickly grasping the fact that said leak is nowhere near a bathroom or a direct source of water which means it’s going to be a fun game of…where is the water coming from?

Nothing says home ownership, adult responsibility, headache…like a leak.

I got my swears out of the system. I thanked @theDadChats (with Dillon, IG) for recently having a leak and knowing that I needed to drill a hole to release the water. I grabbed “buckets” and towels. And let the water go.

And now, now we wait. All the water released. The ceiling didn’t entirely collapse and we have no clue what the cause is. This morning was supposed to be productive. Today was supposed to be. This year wasn’t supposed to have money spent on the house. It wasn’t supposed to have workers in the house. 2026 was supposed to bring more peace. More ease. More exhale.

But apparently my ceiling — and maybe my pipes, or my roof buried under ice and snow — had other plans. I’d love to throw a pity party.

But instead, I’m pouring coffee, taking a breath, and reminding myself: Gray happens. It isn’t personal. It isn’t permanent. It isn’t insurmountable. It’s just gray and there is orange somewhere too. I’ll see it, feel it, experience it at some point, hopefully sooner than later. Hoping your Wednesday is off to a better start, Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you have something leaking in your life that is likewise giving you a headache.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Jan

2026

When Life Gets Ridiculous, Sometimes I Choose to Laugh

Posted on January 28, 2026 by The Orange Rhino

Honestly? I had to laugh. The other option was collapsing into a puddle of tears — from frustration, pain, annoyance, and full-on are you kidding me — and it just didn’t feel appealing. Not because crying is bad. You all know I cry. But because the situation was so ridiculous, I was past tears. Sunday night. Nearly a foot of snow. School already canceled. And somehow… I sliced the tip of my finger. You know, the place that never stops bleeding.

I’ve cut my hand once in my life. I’m pretty good with knives in the kitchen. Now I question that. No stitches were happening in a snow/ice storm, so I did what any rational person does: applied pressure, searched for “New Skin” that apparently vanished from my house, ignored good judgment and kept making fajitas (oops), and then texted every neighbor. Every husband replied: “Just use super glue.” Um…I’ve heard of that, but seriously?!

Even my fiancé was on board with the idea. Desperate measures? A neighbor saved the day. I trekked through unplowed snow, glued the finger, applied athletic tape (another suggestion) and somehow made it through without stitches. I’m grateful. I truly did not and do not have time for another doctor’s appointment. And to add a little lightness — I almost did end up in a puddle… not of tears, but of something else. I still struggle not to pee when I laugh too hard.

Now that is one doctor’s appointment I can’t wait to get to this month! Eech! So excited?! (How odd is that?!) Four kids later and here we are. Happy Wednesday. I hope you laugh a little today — and maybe don’t pee at the same time. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Jan

2026

One Year Without Alcohol: What I’ve Learned About Sobriety

Posted on January 14, 2026 by The Orange Rhino

1 year (and 1 week) of no alcohol. Honestly, I never thought I would be sharing that. I never thought I’d be setting a goal to stop drinking. I mean sure, I gave up alcohol four times during my pregnancies and when I nursed, but that was different. I knew that was short lived. And honestly, life was less stressful then. I didn’t crave alcohol back then. There were so many times this year when I didn’t think I would make it through the year. As recently as December.

“Screw it,” I thought to myself just weeks ago. “I’ve made it this far, I’m just having a drink. I need it.”

“Nope Sheil. Same logic. You’ve made it this far. Keep going. One more day. Have hot chocolate instead. Have a tonic and lime. Rim a glass with sugar and pour in cranberry seltzer. Anything else to relax. You don’t actually need a drink to feel better.”

It wasn’t easy.

Saying no to the quick fix when life got loud.
Staying present in the hard moment instead of numbing.
Being in certain situations where drinks were normal.
Margaritas poolside.
Red wine by the fire.
Cosmos at my favorite restaurant.
Gin and tonics on Friday nights.
Realizing how much I missed alcohol and wanting to feel better (which really meant, it was the right decision to be walking away from it not just for a year, but in general…which really meant acknowledging it was indeed, an issue.)
Feeling isolated in social situations, being the one not drinking.
Or being ignored at a restaurant once the waitress realizes your bill will be less because you aren’t ordering alcohol. (That was fascinating.)

So yeah this past year wasn’t easy.

But I did it.

One no to the drink, one yes to my goal, at a time. And it feels good. On so many levels. Better sleep. Better skin 🙂 Better health. More self-confidence. Only area for improvement? The taste lol. Definitely need to find more options! It doesn’t taste so good!! Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support along the way. They have meant so much. And congrats to all of you in this community who are on a similar journey and also going one moment, one step at a time!

I have a lot more to say on this topic and am curious if there is interest 🙂 It kinda reminds me of another topic I wrote about years ago. A taboo topic where people wanted to talk about it, but also were hesitant too. Send me a DM or drop a comment if interested.

Sending my warmth to you on this Wednesday,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Dec

2025

A Divorced Mom’s Thanksgiving: When the Holiday Is Beautiful and Hard

Posted on December 5, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

It’s always hard posting stories like this. But, keeping it to myself doesn’t feel right. You all know me — I like to be honest and to fully represent the non-perfect side of social media. I thrive at that. Holiday seasons are full of beautiful family photos. And well… Moments before I took this photo, I had tears in my eyes.

It was the morning of my Thanksgiving with my boys. It was NOT going well. Boys were bickering. And that is being mild. My college kiddo was home. Since I’m divorced, I only had all my boys together for a whopping 1.5 days. I wanted the time to go well. To go smoothly. To be happy. It. Was. Simply. Not. Going. That. Way. It was disappointing. Discouraging even. Was this how the entire day was going to go?

I took a break from the situation. And here’s where my doubt in sharing comes, but stick with me, okay? To be honest, even though it was only 11:00 am I wanted a gin and tonic.

I wanted to ease the pain, the stress, the chaos, the feelings of discomfort. But I’m 320+ days of not choosing alcohol so I chose hot chocolate. It was good, but it wasn’t the same. Did it taste good, but in a different way? Yes! Did it help me relax in the sense that I slowed down, sat and really enjoyed it? Yes!

But did it numb the feelings? Did it numb my stress? No. Because really, that is what I wanted in that moment. To numb.

Here’s the thing…this post isn’t about alcohol and me preaching about how I have chosen to be sober (there are a lot of reasons there.) We all have something we turn to when we want to numb. I have a few. Shopping to decorate the house. Scrolling. Eating. Just zoning out to avoid. This season, when the to-do’s grow (even though they are ones I enjoy) when expectations grow, when kids anxieties grow because of school work, exams, and excitement for the holidays, when the this, the that, when it all becomes A LOT (even a lot of goodness) it is easy to want to numb, a lot.

But I know from years of learning to live with the gray…that numbing only pushes the pain down…down inside and down the road so to speak. It doesn’t actually make me feel better. And so I keep trying to find more productive ways to feel the gray so it doesn’t win in the moment. Not always easy, is it? All this to say… I share this story to simply say, I get it. I get the pressure. I get the desire to escape.

I get the wish to just feel better. I get the longing for ease. You aren’t alone in these feelings (that is if you get them) If no one in your friend group is openly talking about this, know that I am. I wish I didn’t want to numb as much; that things weren’t so much. I wish I turned less to shopping and eating.

But here I am. Knowing it, working through it, and doing my best. It ain’t easy. But I’m doing. Just like you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling all the “a lot” of this season, or in general and you are also trying to numb less.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Nov

2025

What My Broken Fireplace Taught Me About Coming Back to Life, Differently

Posted on November 25, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

I know many of you can relate to the state of my fireplace. On the surface, it is “broken” and unable to be used. The inside needs repair in order to function safely. And yet, it isn’t actually broken. Neither are we. When I bought this house 18 years ago, we decided not to fix it. “We won’t ever use this fireplace.” “The other one is more important.” “The other one will get more use.” “Other things need more fixing.” “We will get around to it someday.” Hmm…sound familiar?!

The ashes from fires built years before? They’re still there. Literally never even cleaned them out. The fireplace sat, dirty, sooty-ish for years. Never used, just looked at. Last year, I moved the dining room into this room (which was the living room) and decided I had enough. The fireplace needed to come back to life, one way or another. It needed to find warmth again. It needed to flicker again. It needed to glow again.

It, I, had enough of just sitting, not doing what it was meant to do. Restoring it to how it originally worked? Not an option. Finding a new path? Totally an option. Hello battery operated flickering candles. Thank you for doing the job! I have felt like this fireplace. Broken. Without flicker. Wondering how I will come back to life and function the way I feel I was meant to. I longed to return to my “glory days” the way I “used to” function.

But the thing is I am no longer that person. Returning to “her” isn’t entirely possible. Even if I could, the return would be different. Similar core, but still different. Accepting this hasn’t been easy.

But alas, here I am. Flickering, differently. Same body, same goal of bringing warmth and feeling it myself, different type of flicker, different way of achieving the flicker. Curious to know…how many of you can relate? Where are you in your fireplace journey? Feeling broken? (So not alone there my friends!) Still figuring out your candle equivalent? (It takes time and yeah, being patient kinda stinks.) Flickering fully? (Do tell! Share, share, share!) Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always and especially if you are feeling more broken than flickering right now. I hope warmth finds you today, perhaps in knowing others in this community feel the same. I’ve been there. I still feel that some days too. I see you. I feel with you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Nov

2025

Why the Same Gray Day Can Feel Completely Different Depending on What You Need

Posted on November 22, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

It always amazes me how I can feel two totally opposite emotions in the same situation. Take a gray, gloomy morning for example. If this were the summer, and I was on vacation, and I woke up to this weather? Blech. Boo! No thank you!! I want the sunshine! But since it is fall and almost winter? And my body is craving hibernation, calm, quiet? Since life has been loud? Since I have so much to do and need to be inspired to not really leave the house except to walk the dog?!

Oh gloomy gray mornings please come find me! Of course, since I’m me, when I realized this, it made me think of the gray moments in life.

The stressful ones (um, how am I going to get my house in order by Wednesday night?) The worrisome ones (um, first semester college kiddo, kiddo applying to college, freshman in high school, and the sophomore in high school, all having their own gray moments.) The heavy ones (can’t even go there now, too many to list, but I’ll add finances, life changes, concerns for lots of others.) The complicated ones (dreams, goals, hormones!!!) If gray weather can elicit two responses in me (yes please and no thank you…) then gray moments, gray emotions can too, right?

Yes. Maybe not instantly, in that same precise moment, but eventually, at my own pace. For those new here, I’m anti toxic-positivity. To be clear, I’m not anti-positivity. I’m just not for being so positive that real feelings are overlooked, dismissed. You know, the gray ones. There is a big difference. I’m pro Grorange:) I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or.

I’m pro: acknowledge the gray, feel the gray, move through the gray, so you can see the orange and feel the orange. I’ve always been that way, even as a kid. –> This part of me was never understood and honestly, never really accepted. “Just be positive!” I was told.

But I was being positive…I was just also feeling the other feelings, first. Which is normal. And healthy. And okay. I wasn’t dwelling. I was moving through so I could fully feel the good stuff too. Otherwise the gray heavy emotions would just linger.

So yeah, I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or. And lol, in true Sheila fashion, don’t even know how I got here in this post. Not planned. Anywho, today until Wednesday night is a mad dash of unpacking. The kitchen renovation led to re-doing the floors on the entire first floor.

When they were installed in 2007, they were done wrong. They were fixed twice afterwards and nothing worked. My ex and I lived with it knowing it would have to be fixed. With the kitchen newly done, my fiancé and I realized now was the time to fix the entire first floor since so much furniture and what not was already packed and out.

Bottom line?! Kitchen is unpacked 100% But the dining room?! The family room? Our living room/my office? HAHAHA. This girl has work to do. And don’t forget dusting. Gotta dust. The gray that keeps trying to derail me and invite me to just sit and do nothing????

So much work –> Overwhelm. The orange? I’m feeling grateful and excited. The gray? Did I mention I don’t know how it will get done? The dust is getting to my asthma? I’m tired and overwhelmed???! The orange? I just keep telling myself to pick up one thing, one box at a time and to keep going. Either way, gonna show up and get it done. Here I go. What are you doing today? Traveling? Shopping? Resting? Flying to NJ to come help me?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling only the Gray in “The Grorange Life” today. That’s okay. It’s part of it. The Orange will come. There’s no rush.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Nov

2025

How a Friend Helped Me Finally Let Go of What My House “Should” Look Like

Posted on November 11, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

I had the most liberating, helpful phone call with a friend yesterday. Saweet! It’s amazing how we can know something, tell ourselves something, and yet it takes a friend saying the exact same thing for us to finally hear it and follow through, right?! –>Anyone else experience this? Lately, I’ve been juggling so much (aren’t we all?): parenting responsibilities, launching a company (did I just formally put that in writing?!), being a human, and re-setting up my house after a “kitchen” renovation that somehow took over every room.

Every day, I feel pulled in so many directions. Every day I ask myself, “okay, so what is most important?” “What action will bring me the most peace?” “What action will have the largest consequence if I ignore it?” “What action will energize me the most so I can do everything else a little bit better, so I can go to bed feeling a little bit better about how the day went?” And of course, the answers never match.

Work needs the most. Parenting matters most. Cleaning weighs on me most. Cue frustration, overwhelm, and hair pulling. In my heart, I knew the house was what I needed to say yes to and yet, I couldn’t. Enter my friend. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate in one of my favorite mugs (and not just because it’s orange, but because it is honestly the perfect size!) and gave her a call.

“Girl! ORGANIZE THE HOUSE! Forget work. Forget doing all the parenting stuff. You feel suffocated by the clutter, the chaos, the visual to-dos. You are drowning in the negative energy that every room brings. It’s okay to say yes to cleaning and organizing.” she said to me, all matter-of-factly.

So I did. After a doctor’s appointment (and a slightly embarrassing nap during my echo with a 25-year-old tech), I came home, rested, and voila—one room re-organized, one me re-energized. Holy shnikes, what a difference in my mood, my outlook, my everything. Cleaning, organizing can be given such a bad rap. Focus on the other stuff people say. Cleaning and organizing can wait. Sure, sometimes it can.

But sometimes, oh sometimes it IS the game changer, the foundation that makes everything better. So the question for me is, what will I tackle today?! Hmmm. Good news…the possibilities are endless since there are soo many boxes and dust is everywhere post floors getting refinished!

What’s your version of cleaning the house? The thing you keep pushing aside but deep down know would make you feel lighter, calmer, more like you again? The thing you want to do but feel like maybe you shouldn’t prioritize because of messaging out there that says otherwise?! Tell me below — I promise, no judgment, just solidarity and maybe a gentle nudge to go for it. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are going to tackle your version of “cleaning the house” today. I’m with you in spirit. Always am.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

Nov

2025

When You Feel Stuck, Unmotivated and Tired of Pep Talks

Posted on November 10, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

I have two alternatives for you if you are feeling stuck. It took me this entire post to get to the second one, but hey, at least I got there!

I’m feeling stuck. I’m having a hard time getting motivated. I’m having a hard time making decisions. I’m exhausted from giving myself pep talks and remembering mindset hacks. I’m worn down from writing publicly, from being judged by an algorithm everyday and from worrying that my “being me” is “too negative, too really, not bubbly or positive enough to survive in social media.”

Being stuck is often seen as a big ‘ole negative. I know I often experience it as such. But here’s something I just realized this morning. –>What if I’m meant to be stuck right now? What if I’m struggling to move forward because the path I had set myself on was not the right path? What if my body, my brain, my everything knows that the path I have chosen is not actually the one that will bring me the most fulfillment? A life that feels the most aligned?

What if being stuck, spiraling out on some days, struggling, isn’t seen as a bad thing, but rather an okay thing, a helpful sign to stop and look closer? (You know, No-yeah-mber) What if the gray is actually a good thing? –>What if being stuck is seen as a big, bright, flashing sign that says, “HOLD ON. TIME OUT. Being stuck is simply giving you a chance to take a break, re-group, and plan your next intentional step instead of just roboting your way through life?”

Being stuck doesn’t have to stink, it is an opportunity to sit and think. Things get stuck in life for a reason (a jar lid that’s too tight, a puzzle piece that doesn’t actually fit, a car in a traffic jam because there’s just too many cars.) When stuck (gray) happens, things need patience and a little extra attention, a little extra effort, to get unstuck.

So extra patience, attention, and effort I will give to my so-called “stuckness.” I’m stuck –> I’m sitting –> I’m thinking –> I’m accepting –> I’m reflecting –> I’m realizing I will figure it out and feel a little lighter in due time. Is this easy? No. Do I feel answers bubbling to the surface? Yes. Do I think I need to quit it all and take an entirely different path? No. Do I feel like I need to adjust my focus, my energy, the balance of my time? Yeah, I do.

My heart knows the answer. I need to find a bit more courage to follow it. –> Can you relate to the last statement? Any of these statements? Which ones? Feeling stuck isn’t fun but it doesn’t have to stink and it definitely isn’t permanent. Remembering these two bits isn’t easy; nor is finding the courage to step out of it. I see you as you do all the hard work and experience the range of emotions that go with it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are sitting and thinking today (instead of being “stuck”)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Oct

2025

Late-Diagnosed ADHD, Perimenopause and Sensory Overload

Posted on October 30, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

I’ve been meaning to write about life as a late diagnosed ADHD lady since October is ADHD awareness month but lol, I have ADHD so you know, I forgot/got distracted/struggle to follow through, IYKYK. Perimenopause has absolutely made it worse, like way worse. And you know what else does? Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was SO excited the other day! It was the first real sweater day. I took out my favorite orange sweater. Favorite because of how it looks – not how it feels. I put it on. I tried. Oh did I. I lasted 15 minutes before I had to change. It just felt toooo heavy, even though there are times when my body needs the heavy, the weight to feel better, when – get this – life feels too heavy. The sweater hit in all the wrong places that morning and annoyed me…which set off my ADHD. I couldn’t focus for shite. I think I re-heated my coffee three times in the span of five minutes because I kept forgetting that I already had. True story.

Between heatings, I pulled at the sweater and tried to pep-talk myself into working through the discomfort. The thing is, when my SPD is in a mood, there is no talking my way out of it. Upstairs I went, to put on a new orange sweater, because obviously! This time I intentionally went SNUG, tight like a hug. Phew, sensory meltdown averted. Outfit stayed on all day until dinner time when I was so exhausted from an actual productive day (thank you ADHD medication and new tools I am using to help me stay on task) that I craved soft and cozy.

My brain was fried though. An hour after feeding everyone (Taco Monday around here!) I realized I was starving! Rice, beans, a little taco meat and cilantro was my main meal that night…but I forgot to eat. SO typical. Like beyond. At least I hadn’t left the stove on this time 😉 None of these actions were intentional. I wasn’t trying to make my day harder. My brain was just braining, as it does! I write that because I know there is a chance you know someone with ADHD or even SPD and maybe sharing that, sharing these stories helps a little to understand them, their experience.

When I was a kid, my SPD was dismissed, criticized, blamed. As was I.

“Just eat the food, there are no nuts. You are being too sensitive,” My grandma said.

Yes there were. I hated the texture. I gagged.

“Hurry up, your clothes are fine. The itching will stop.”

No it won’t, let me change. I will be in a better mood.

When I was a kid, my ADHD behaviors were seen, but not entirely criticized because I was a people pleaser. I worked hard to hide the behaviors that were called out once – and rarely again. I found a note at my parents house recently. It was from me to incoming 4th graders.

“You will do fine as long as you sit still, don’t talk a lot, write neatly, don’t blurt out answers, and don’t fidget. Oh and if you have to chew gum, do it quietly and do NOT blow bubbles.”

It was as if I was reading a letter to my sons;) –> The best part of having ADHD and SPD? Sometimes my ADHD makes my mind go so fast in so many different directions that as I try to slow it down and make sense of it all, my body physically gets overwhelmed and overheated which leads to an SPD meltdown. Legit, it’s a lot of fun. Kidding. It’s not. It stinks and often leads to an outfit change in huff and a puff 😉 Learning to manage this as I raise kids with some of the same challenges has been a gift—and a challenge.

Oh wait, I just thought of another highlight 😉 Thanks to SPD, I strongly dislike wearing anything that offers sun protection—read, anything that protects me from getting more skin cancer. Nothing ever hits right or feels right; everything almost always annoys. Hats. Sunglasses. Coverups. Sunscreen.

But I have no choice. The fun part?! I just about always forget something. Creating habits and sticking to them are not easy for us ADHD’ers even when we try out darndest. We want to do well, trust me. I share these stories to say, us ADHDers, us SPDers, we’re doing our best. These so-called disorders do present challenges but also, they make me, me and honestly give me some of my favorite strengths. Creativity. Attention to detail. Problem Solving. Appreciation of beauty. Empathy. I see all the ADHDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, distracting, and demanding. I see all the SPDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, sensory overwhelming and really-unavoidingly-smelly at times! I see all of you doing your best in environments where you can’t control anything but how you prepare, how you adjust, how you respond, how you care for yourself afterwards so you are best prepared for the next time.

And you know what else? I see everyone in perimenopause and menopause without ADHD or SPD because I know you are starting to experience similar symptoms I’ve had my entire life. Hot flashes suck, right?! (I get sensory flashes from the wrong clothes, smells I can’t stand) Brain fog? Not remembering where you put something? (Hi, ADHD on a standard day.) I see you all and as always, sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if today is feeling like a meltdown, three outfits, where the heck did I put my brain;) kinda day.

Girl, I couldn’t find my coffee for 10 minutes today.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

Oct

2025

Dropping My College Kid Off Again: Why Goodbye Still Hurt

Posted on October 25, 2025 by The Orange Rhino

I did not expect to respond the way I did. I thought it would be easy, seamless, but it wasn’t. I mean it was, until I was alone. Then it hit me hard. Since I dropped my son at college in August, I’ve had the privilege of seeing him four times before this past weekend! Granted one of those was the ER visit, and all were quick visits, but still, they were touch points. They were moments to see him, tell him I love him, laugh together, share a meal, care for him, etc.

I left each time feeling okay, so it was easy. I surprised myself each time I left. I didn’t cry, not even a tear. My son was thriving, happy, so I felt happy, good. But yesterday, something hit different and I cried the minute I got in my minivan to drive home. Maybe it was because this time as we drove up to campus – arriving together from our home, he said, “ah, feels good to be back home.” Ouch.

And also, yes. There was so much truth in his statement, and it was a statement he should feel, that I would want him to feel. I so very much want him to feel that the college he chose feels like home. Home *should* feel safe, welcoming, supportive, loving, fun and for my son, his college experience currently feels like home, and that is a mother’s dream come true. But it also hurts, a good hurt because he is good, but a sad one too, you know?

A total grorange moment. Sad because it reminds me of the truth of where we are in life; of the changing season. It reminds me that he now spends more time away from me, than with me. It reminds me that he now is on his own, as he should be, and that our togetherness is just different. Not bad, just different.

It reminds me of all the doubts I still carry about the times we had in our *home*

Did I get it right? (Is there even a right? Yes and no.)
Did I do good? (I did my best and still try, we all do.)
Did I do enough? (I did what I could with what I knew at the time, with what energy I had under the circumstances, at the time.)
Did I create a home that was just as happy to come home to as he feels about college? (I know not a fair comparison, I can’t and won’t compare to college friends!)
Did I create a home that felt safe, loving, welcoming, supportive, and all the good things a home should be? (I sure as heck tried and think I did an okay job. That I feel confident saying.)
Did I show up for him the way I wanted to as a mom? (Yes and no, but when I think of the no, I also think of how I then made changes and that counts. None of us are perfect.)

So yeah, lol a simple drop off yesterday was quite emotional afterwards. Who knew. –>That’s the thing. Big emotions, you never know when they are going to just appear. Gray Happens folks and that’s okay.

We still show up and work through ’em. Let’s be real, we show up because what’s the alternative? It’s one we don’t want. Ignoring the gray bites us in the arse later on, leaves us feeling even heavier, so showing is a good choice, even if it kinda stinks in the moment.

We show up because that’s who we are; because we choose to even though it’s hard. We choose to show up because we are determined to work through the gray – whatever it is, grief, challenges, obstacles, heavy emotions, feeling blech, light emotions, whatever – so we can get to feeling better, lighter.

So yep, I sat there, processing, wondering, questioning, enjoying the sun on my face as I cried softly, college kids walking by no doubt seeing me. Oh well. Eventually I was done:) I started the car and headed to the nearest 7-11 to get a diet coke and peanut m&m’s for my drive home, my go-to comfort foods for the longish drive. They feel like home to me;) A little while into my drive home, I called my kiddo, told him I loved him, how proud I was of him and how happy I am that he feels at home at college.

It was all true, even if the truth also feels a little sad. Grorange. Both/and. When Gray Happens, We Show Up. However you wanna say it. It’s all true. It felt good to talk to him. And no lie, it also felt good to come home to just 3 kids because I miss my oldest and also, 3 kids is easier in some ways! Oh the complexities of life;) How about you? How are you feeling today? Gray and charge-y? Orange and all warm and fuzzy and determined?

Gr—>orange? All of the above?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling a little off, but also perhaps a little lighter, after spending fall break with your kiddo.

xoxo Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino