Tag Archives: Hormones

Perimenopause or a Challenging Life? Sometimes It’s Hard to Know

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Is it my hormones changing or is life simply challenging? Seriously. I’m tired of the narrative that everything is perimenopause, or even menopause. Yes, a lot of women are struggling with the reality of perimenopause and menopause. I am far from dismissing that. I mean shoot, I’m one of them. The brain fog is real. And brain fog is an understatement. I forgot my son’s best friend’s name the other day. A kid I’ve known since second grade.

Hello perimenopause symptoms! And the song lyrics, “Cause you’re hot then you’re cold / You’re ‘Yes’ then you’re ‘No’” Well Katy Perry wrote my theme song. And probably millions of other women my age. And while it is great that perimenopause is finally having its time in the spotlight and women are getting the support we need, I hate to say it, but it is being used as a crutch in places. A place to put blame. A way to dismiss reality, real feelings.

The Orange Rhino talks about perimenopause versus challenging life symptomsAn easy out for a woman who is truly struggling because her life is actually, truly DIFFICULT. One professional, “Oh it’s *just* perimenopause. You’re simply extra emotional.” And what if it isn’t? What if sometimes life is just hard because, wait for it…it just is?

And the hormones are making it worse but aren’t the culprit? This is a question and a debate I’ve had with my therapist and my doctor for a while now. I got on the computer for my virtual doctor’s appointment last week and got right to the point. “Listen. I know I’m in perimenopause. I know my changing hormones aren’t helping AND ALSO… I feel like I’m going to cry every afternoon. I have more panic attacks than I ever have.

My exhaustion and sense of overwhelm some days is new, next level. And I don’t think it is just because of the hormones. My life is simply hard. Harder than it has been in a long time. The hormones aren’t helping.” And then I do what I do. I spoke in metaphors;) “Picture an ice cream sundae.” She smiled at this one. “My life is a five scoop ice cream sundae. It’s being eaten outside on a 90 degree day. I’m one scoop, each kid is a scoop I’m taking care of. We are already naturally melting from the heat of life. The hot fudge is perimenopause. It’s simply expediting the meltdown.”

I continued. “Point being. I’m melting. Something needs to change. My medication isn’t fully working anymore and hormones? Sure, adding them might help, but it isn’t the full solution because perimenopause isn’t the only problem.”

My doctor looked at me. And simply said, “I get it. It’s all too much. Just too much. Here’s the plan. We’re adding this medication. Take it in case of emergency. When the sense of overwhelm hits hard. You might need it, you might not. The season you are in is temporary.”

I said thank you. Closed the computer and sighed a sigh of relief. It has taken me months to admit I needed to change medication. I just keep telling myself, strike that, blaming myself. Blaming myself for not managing well enough. For not handling the stress well enough.

“Just try harder. Take more deep breaths. Exercise more. Rest more. Laugh more.” Yada. Yada. Yada. Yes. All those things might and will help AND ALSO, my life is heavy right now. It is wonderful and I am grateful AND it is heavy and challenging. There comes a point where part of the solution is asking, what other kind of support do I need? The medicine she added, my addition to my bag of tricks for supporting myself during this season?

The last time it was in my repertoire was 2016 when my divorce began. When I had days I couldn’t breathe. When it all felt “just too much,” as she said. I got through those days. It’s 10 years later. I never thought I would need that medication again.

But life happens. Gray happens. It isn’t a reflection of me, of my lack of ability to manage stress or the challenges that come my way. It is just a reflection of the reality I’m living right now. Life can be very hard. And sometimes people hold that very close to their chest because they have no choice but to do so. That just makes it heavier, doesn’t it?

Perimenopause doesn’t pause any of that from happening. It just makes it worse.

But what truly makes it all worse is using perimenopause as a scapegoat for real, heavy emotional feelings people are experiencing. Gray happens.

And it can hit hard and heavy. Admitting it, acknowledging it? Not a scapegoat. Figuring out support isn’t a scapegoat either. These are all the ways orange begins to make the gray lighter.

Sending my warmth to you today, especially if any part of this post resonated a little too close. Trust me, it isn’t just you and me feeling this way.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD and Perimenopause: Why Women Deserve to Be Believed

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Nothing says “support women” quite like questioning their diagnosis. We tell women to advocate for their health and then question the answer when they finally get one. I’m grateful there’s more conversation happening around perimenopause and women’s health. It is needed and it matters.

But there’s something about the conversation that has really been getting under my skin. Here’s the tricky thing: A lot of perimenopause symptoms can overlap with ADHD symptoms at first glance. And because of that, I keep seeing comments and videos — from other women, mind you — basically questioning whether women diagnosed with ADHD later in life really have it… or whether they’re “just perimenopausal.” And wow, does that get under my skin.

Because yes, some of us really do have ADHD. And yes, some of us are also in perimenopause. And yes, perimenopause can make ADHD even harder to manage. Those things can all be true at once. What frustrates me is this: We constantly tell women to trust themselves. To listen to their bodies. To advocate for their health. To keep pushing until they get answers because they know their bodies best.

But then when a woman finally does get an answer — and knows it’s right, feels the relief, finally exhales — people turn around and question whether it’s real. No thank you. That doesn’t feel like support. That feels like more dismissal. My ADHD signs were there long before perimenopause.

They were there in elementary school. “Sheila, raise your hand.” “Sheila, stop talking.”

They were there in how overwhelmed I got. “Sheila… she’s the emotional one.”

They were there in how hard I worked to stay organized. Binders were — and still are — my best friend.

They were there in the way I needed systems, structure, lists, and detail just to keep my brain from feeling all over the place. I’ll never forget the to-do list and Excel spreadsheet I made for my wedding. It was a masterpiece. My ex’s friend looked at it. Looked at me. Looked at it again.“Sheila… this is a bit intense, don’t ya think?” Oh, it was. But I needed every detail captured and tied to a time or I would have been lost. Side note: the marriage didn’t last, but the wedding was indeed phenomenal. So many wonderfully executed details. Thank you, ADHD creativity and hyperfocus.

So no, I wasn’t “suddenly ADHD” because I hit my 40s. I was a girl who learned how to compensate. A girl who tried really hard. A girl who looked capable from the outside while working overtime on the inside. A girl, then a college student, then a mom, who was absolutely exhausted.

And I know I’m not the only one. So yes…women should absolutely keep talking about perimenopause. And also about how it impacts ADHD women. And while we’re at it, let’s also stop acting like late-diagnosed ADHD in women is some suspicious trend people are latching on to. It isn’t. Trust me. There are upsides to ADHD and also, some real, not so popular, challenges. The diagnosis didn’t come out of nowhere. It just took a while — too long, really — to receive it.

And gosh, is it a relief to have. To finally understand myself better; to realize I’m not broken. And again, to know I’m not the only one. On that note, I’m going to take my medication, make a list for the day, then talk to myself to help keep me on task and remembering what I’m doing. Oh the things we learn!

Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you all today,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD, Forgotten Dry Cleaning and the Humbling Reality of Everyday Life

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I was so proud. And oh so quickly humbled. Please tell me someone out there has the same story?! Y’all… the dry cleaning in this picture? Take a guess at the date on the ticket. Go on. If you’re guessing January 2026… Nope. December 2025? Not even close. September 2025. SEPTEMBER. What even is that?!

And the wild part is…I was so proud of myself yesterday. First, I actually did my laundry like a functioning adult: put it in the washer, moved it to the dryer on time, and even took it out within a reasonable amount of time.

Honestly? I felt unstoppable. Then I thought, “Oh! The dry cleaner is on the way to the dentist. I can drop off my winter sweaters and pick up my pink button-down for spring.” Planning ahead. Following through. Managing life. Who was this girl?! The day before, I had even gotten myself to a doctor’s appointment on time by setting a timer, getting up when it went off, and staying on task all the way to the car. Again, who is this girl?!

I was so proud of myself. So pumped up. What the what?! I mean… is this what 48 is? Being genuinely excited that you followed through on basic tasks? Being genuinely excited that you’re finally figuring out how to manage ADHD while perimenopause is totally trying to make everything harder? Because if so… wow.

This is…humbling. Also maybe a sign to put “plan actual fun” on the calendar immediately. (Pause. Doing that now. You know, so I don’t forget.) I’m back.

So, yesterday I was feeling good. Proud. On a roll. I got to the dry cleaners. Got out of the car. Walked inside. And then… Guess what I did not have with me? The sweaters. Thankfully they were still in the car, so fine. Minor embarrassment. No crisis.

But then I asked for my pink shirt… …and she came back with the shirt and four other items. FOUR. From SEPTEMBER. This, my friends, is exactly why I do not do dry cleaning. I either lose the ticket… or forget the clothes exist entirely.

So yes, “pick up dry cleaning” now officially just got added as another task in Google Calendar. Oh Google Calendar task list… I’d be lost without you. Who am I kidding?

Still a little lost over here. But definitely less lost with you. Please tell me your version of this so I can feel less alone. I’m going to be kind and drop a few more in the comments so we all feel less alone. (As I drink my cold coffee. Not iced. Cold.) Sending my warmth and a little oomph to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Anxiety vs. Depression: What I Misunderstood About My Own Symptoms

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I was shocked to receive the diagnosis: anxiety. For years, the word used to describe some of my grayer days was depression.

Turns out, a lot of what I thought was depression was actually anxiety. But I didn’t realize that at the time. Something happened when my oldest was about 6 and my youngest was about 1. One of my friends made a loving comment that I seemed a lot less anxious around my kids that day. At first I was aghast. How dare she? What? Me? Anxious? I’m cool. Calm. Collected.

But she was right. My heart wasn’t racing as much. My brain also wasn’t. And my shirt, well, it didn’t need to go to the dry cleaner that day. My oldest has severe ADHD. My anxiety was through the roof when he was younger, driven by my worries about what people would say about us in public or in private settings. Her comment made me reflect on how I acted and how I parented. It helped me start to change some of my behaviors. (Which was a good thing, because those were the early days of The Orange Rhino Challenge®.) Fast forward five years to my divorce era.

I was talking with my therapist about how hard the days were. She mentioned treating me for situational depression. I agreed. Then she said, “And I think you should mention anxiety to the psychiatrist too.” There it was again. The A word. “What?” I said. “I don’t have anxiety.” But then I paused. My therapist was right. And you know what? It was an incredible relief to accept that.

Turns out, so much of my “depression” was actually driven by anxiety. (Not long after, I also learned ADHD was part of my struggles. Like my skin cancer, that diagnosis took a lot of advocating. A story for another day.) I’ve learned a lot about anxiety since that day in my therapist’s office. She taught me a lot of skills. I taught myself a lot about, well… me.

But the best thing I ever learned? This: Try your best to not worry now. Wait until you know facts. If your fears don’t come true, you wasted energy and felt bad for no reason. If they do come true? Then they hurt twice — in the moment, and in all the anxious moments leading up to it. Mic. Drop. The picture in this post? It’s my current hairstyle.

And it is sooooo much better than I expected. My anxiety was understandable — I don’t dismiss it. I try to understand what it’s telling me.

But I’m also grateful I didn’t wallow in it for weeks leading up to the procedure (a few hours here and there? Yep. Totally did. I’m human) Because when I used to wallow in anxiety, I snapped at my kids more. I wasn’t as present as I wanted to be. And when I was present? I wasn’t exactly fun to be around. I was on edge. Which meant I enjoyed fewer moments. I spiraled during the day, got off track, and then felt even more anxious at night.

My relationship with anxiety still needs work. (Don’t most relationships?) Teenagers driving, going to college, making big decisions on their own will absolutely test anxiety. But I’m doing better. And I’m grateful for my therapist. And for that friend years ago who planted the seed. Sometimes one honest comment is the beginning of a completely different life. We just have to be open to hearing it. I know. Easier said than done.

So. Much. Easier. Kinda like managing anxiety. If depression, anxiety, or ADHD are part of your story, welcome. I get it. And if you don’t have a formal diagnosis but perimenopause has brought on some very similar symptoms… also welcome. Heck, welcome everyone. Sending my warmth to you, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Perimenopause or Just Life? Why I’m Tired of Blaming Hormones for Everything

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I’ve been getting flustered lately. Like…surprisingly easily flustered. I know, I know. Hormones. Perimenopause. What if I told you I’m tired of blaming perimenopause for everything? (lol, not just, I’m tired, that’s a given!) Hear me out.

When I was in elementary school, I had a saying. I have absolutely, positively no idea where it came from. It wasn’t my parents or a teacher. Not even a coach. I just said it one day and it stuck. “I don’t mind complaining, as long as you’re gonna do something about it. Complain to me all you want, but then you gotta act.” Apparently ten-year-old me was onto something.

Because I gotta be honest. When I keep blaming perimenopause — and then don’t actually change anything — I don’t feel better. I still feel frustrated with myself, my mood, and everything within a two foot radius. Make that one foot. And before everyone says to give myself grace (and you all know I’m all for giving myself and others grace)… I gotta be even more honest. There comes a point where giving myself grace becomes a crutch, an excuse.

I know. A little rhino tough. Hear me out again. There’s a difference between grace and avoidance. So, back to where this whole post started. Lately, I’ve been flipping out faster than I’d like. Overwhelmed in a light-switch kind of way. Fine one minute. Not fine the next. Are hormones part of it? Probably. Yes.

But I also know this: My nervous system is fried. I’m not prioritizing feeling at ease the way I could be. The caffeine isn’t helping (although my Costa Rica coffee really is excellent and is there anything better than a perfect Diet Coke, mini sized of course.) And yes, I need to make the appointment to at least explore HRT, even if the answer ends up being no for me. Hormones may be part of the story.

But they’re not the whole story. And I don’t want to shrug and just say, “oh well, there’s nothing I can do until my hormones are under control.” I don’t want to give myself a pass when I know I could be doing things to help myself. I know this is a wee bit more direct and blunt than I normally write. I’m writing them to myself with love actually — and from a place of strength. Along with these sudden mini-sized-panic attacks becoming a thing, Sheila getting her groove back is most definitely a thing.

And my spine;) When I started writing in 2012 about learning to yell less, I wrote without much fear. It was freeing. Then somewhere along the way, I shrank. Truly. I’ve been crawling out since 2018 ish. Last month was Fearless February. I’m going to carry that feeling all of 2026. I think you’re going to find that I’m writing a little more bluntly from here on out. It’s just so much more freeing to be less concerned with what people think 😉 and more concerned with attracting the right kind of people to this community.

I mentioned yesterday that I’ve got things in the works. I do. Like, I want 20-year-old energy Sheila who didn’t need sleep so I can easily raise my kiddos and launch my secret projects. I am *that* excited. Since that’s not happening lol, I’m gonna need a crash (a group of rhinos) behind me to make everything happen when I’m ready.

So yes, I want this place to grow. I used to be afraid to admit that. Afraid to admit that I want to take up space. Not anymore. It’s a new month, by the way. New month, new word. No fancy word this month. March speaks for itself. I’m MARCHing forward, one step at a time.

Sending my warmth to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Late-Diagnosed ADHD, Perimenopause and Sensory Overload

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I’ve been meaning to write about life as a late diagnosed ADHD lady since October is ADHD awareness month but lol, I have ADHD so you know, I forgot/got distracted/struggle to follow through, IYKYK. Perimenopause has absolutely made it worse, like way worse. And you know what else does? Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was SO excited the other day! It was the first real sweater day. I took out my favorite orange sweater. Favorite because of how it looks – not how it feels. I put it on. I tried. Oh did I. I lasted 15 minutes before I had to change. It just felt toooo heavy, even though there are times when my body needs the heavy, the weight to feel better, when –  get this – life feels too heavy. The sweater hit in all the wrong places that morning and annoyed me…which set off my ADHD. I couldn’t focus for shite. I think I re-heated my coffee three times in the span of five minutes because I kept forgetting that I already had. True story.

Between heatings, I pulled at the sweater and tried to pep-talk myself into working through the discomfort. The thing is, when my SPD is in a mood, there is no talking my way out of it. Upstairs I went, to put on a new orange sweater, because obviously! This time I intentionally went SNUG, tight like a hug. Phew, sensory meltdown averted. Outfit stayed on all day until dinner time when I was so exhausted from an actual productive day (thank you ADHD medication and new tools I am using to help me stay on task) that I craved soft and cozy.

My brain was fried though. An hour after feeding everyone (Taco Monday around here!) I realized I was starving! Rice, beans, a little taco meat and cilantro was my main meal that night…but I forgot to eat. SO typical. Like beyond. At least I hadn’t left the stove on this time 😉 None of these actions were intentional. I wasn’t trying to make my day harder. My brain was just braining, as it does! I write that because I know there is a chance you know someone with ADHD or even SPD and maybe sharing that, sharing these stories helps a little to understand them, their experience.

When I was a kid, my SPD was dismissed, criticized, blamed. As was I.

“Just eat the food, there are no nuts. You are being too sensitive,” My grandma said.

Yes there were. I hated the texture. I gagged.

“Hurry up, your clothes are fine. The itching will stop.”

No it won’t, let me change. I will be in a better mood.

When I was a kid, my ADHD behaviors were seen, but not entirely criticized because I was a people pleaser. I worked hard to hide the behaviors that were called out once – and rarely again. I found a note at my parents house recently. It was from me to incoming 4th graders.

“You will do fine as long as you sit still, don’t talk a lot, write neatly, don’t blurt out answers, and don’t fidget. Oh and if you have to chew gum, do it quietly and do NOT blow bubbles.”

It was as if I was reading a letter to my sons;) –> The best part of having ADHD and SPD? Sometimes my ADHD makes my mind go so fast in so many different directions that as I try to slow it down and make sense of it all, my body physically gets overwhelmed and overheated which leads to an SPD meltdown. Legit, it’s a lot of fun. Kidding. It’s not. It stinks and often leads to an outfit change in huff and a puff 😉 Learning to manage this as I raise kids with some of the same challenges has been a gift—and a challenge.

Oh wait, I just thought of another highlight 😉 Thanks to SPD, I strongly dislike wearing anything that offers sun protection—read, anything that protects me from getting more skin cancer. Nothing ever hits right or feels right; everything almost always annoys. Hats. Sunglasses. Coverups. Sunscreen.

But I have no choice. The fun part?! I just about always forget something. Creating habits and sticking to them are not easy for us ADHD’ers even when we try out darndest. We want to do well, trust me. I share these stories to say, us ADHDers, us SPDers, we’re doing our best. These so-called disorders do present challenges but also, they make me, me and honestly give me some of my favorite strengths. Creativity. Attention to detail. Problem Solving. Appreciation of beauty. Empathy. I see all the ADHDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, distracting, and demanding. I see all the SPDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, sensory overwhelming and really-unavoidingly-smelly at times! I see all of you doing your best in environments where you can’t control anything but how you prepare, how you adjust, how you respond, how you care for yourself afterwards so you are best prepared for the next time.

And you know what else? I see everyone in perimenopause and menopause without ADHD or SPD because I know you are starting to experience similar symptoms I’ve had my entire life. Hot flashes suck, right?! (I get sensory flashes from the wrong clothes, smells I can’t stand) Brain fog? Not remembering where you put something? (Hi, ADHD on a standard day.) I see you all and as always, sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if today is feeling like a meltdown, three outfits, where the heck did I put my brain;) kinda day.

Girl, I couldn’t find my coffee for 10 minutes today.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Your Feelings Surprise You at the Doctor’s Office

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Here’s the thing –> I truly didn’t realize how I felt which is how I got to this photo. So yeah, holy moly do I have a story for you all! I have a *hunch* you all might just relate and maybe, just maybe (okay I hope lol) you’ve had a similar experience lately? If not, just fib and say, yes, Sheila, of course we have!

So yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment to review my adhd medication and antidepressants. No shame there ladies (and gentleman or two I think.) Yep I have anxiety and situational depression that I deal with – it is what it is.

Anyway, standard question. “Sooo, how’s it going?” I hadn’t seen this doctor in three months. Like, I was going to answer this question quick and easy peasy?

I gave bullet points. “Well, let’s see. All my kids are giving me agita at the same time – this has never, ever happened in my life. (I proceeded to share details. Fairly certain heart rate proceeded to increase as well.) I am worried about each one and it’s impacting my sleep. I legit have stressmares where I am processing all the challenges.” I said.

“Okay….” She said, as I interrupted her.

“But wait, there’s more! The renovation has basically been an emotional and literal disaster even though I’m grateful. It is exhausting and taking up so much time. Plus I’m trying to kinda sorta launch a company which I could drop so I could focus more on parenting but honestly, I am already giving so much to parenting and I need to give to me too and my work is for me, it gives me hope, joy, life. You know?” I shared.

“Uh huh.” She kinda looked at me, like is there more. (Obviously, I’m truncating things here.)

“So basically, I’m just going moment by moment. It’s a lot. So much is urgent. I get through each day, wishing I had more laughter, more enjoyment even though I’ve had glimpses. The season is what it is. It’s going to get easier soon. And I know that. It is just hard right now. As I tell my community, it’s kinda lots of gray.”

Before we wrapped up the meeting I let her know that some lady yelled at me in the parking lot over the parking space I used, accusing me of parking illegally. Like what the what? I wanted to confirm I used the right spot for next time. News splash – I did. The lady just wanted to yell at me? I guess she was having a bad day, moment…aren’t we kinda all sometimes?

Kindness my friends. Ugh. We wrapped up, I admired the gorgeous pink and orange flowers in the reception area, and left. Hadn’t shed a tear even though I was close. “Huh, I guess I am handling this stress fairly well. Alrighty then.”

As I drove home, on a new path I didn’t know too well, I came to an intersection and all of a sudden, “oh shite! I’m in the wrong lane.” One angry driver next to me starts blasting his horn at me and flying his hands all around, screaming at me at the same time.

Facts.

  1. I made a simple mistake.
  2. It didn’t cause an accident.
  3. It wasn’t going to – there was space for both of us to merge.
  4. Calm the bejeebers down, I’m sorry, it wasn’t intentional.

I did arm movements to show it was an “oops” and mouthed “I’m so sorry.” He let me go and holy smokes –> I promptly burst, and I mean, burst into tears and said, “I’m just so tired of all the friggin’ challenges and mistakes! I’m doing my best darn it!”

Full blown tears people. As fast and furiously as he hit the horn. I was shocked. I wanted to blame hormones – because that is the internet’s go-to. Oh, menopause, hormones, crying for so reason.

But then I said to myself, “Sheila, screw that. Your tears are real. You are exhausted from how hard life has been. You have been go-go-going for good reason. It has been hard. Challenging. Frustrating. Disappointing. You’ve been doing your best. You don’t want to be yelled at for it. Of course that put you over. You want love. Care. Concern. You want people to show up for you— not put you down, as this man just did. As people in several of the projects you are working on have done recently. This was the straw that broke the gray rhinos back. You are human, girl. Maybe perimenopausal too, but human first!” I then wiped my tears. Laughed at myself because, perspective. I couldn’t believe that it took a man honking at me, something I can normally tolerate, to show me I need a break.

And then I promptly drove into the Wendy’s drive through for a fountain diet coke because the bubbles always taste good and I wanted to do something for me. SO this is where you go to the comments and say, “Sheil, me too. Been there, done that.” Pick any of these, tell me you get it, lol. Copy the emoji you get, or create your own.

1 the sudden crying because holy heck hit your limit!

2 the exhaustion from showing up because that is simply what you need to do right now

3 the telling yourself you refuse to let hormones be the answer to all your REAL feelings and experiences

4 the love of the bubbles in diet coke (now I want one and no seltzer is just not the same)

5 the knowing that people are showing up for you but at the same time, feeling a little unseen 

This picture makes me smile, laugh, and also remember.

Girl, take a break. Get outside. Enjoy the sunshine and then take one small step to get something done because I do have things to do and letting them pile up will create stress and that is not needed. No thank you. It’s a balance.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this photo and story are relatable – especially if point #5, is more than relatable. I get it. It might not seem like it, but I do see you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino