Tag Archives: Identity

What The Orange Rhino Is Really About: Love, Honesty and Belonging

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This page has always been about one thing: love. How we give it, how we receive it, and how we learn to offer more of it to ourselves—especially when life feels heavy. As this community has grown, I’ve realized it’s time to be even clearer about who I am, what this space is for, and why it matters to me. From the beginning, this community has been built on supporting one another in a common goal – to yell less. We all wanted to yell less because we wanted to show our love more.

Our love for our children, our love for ourselves. We wanted to yell less because we wanted to love how we experienced life more; to go to bed with less guilt, with less disappointment, with less sadness, with less grief.

When this page grew and grew exponentially it was because of a shared goal that united everyone, regardless of race, religion, identity, you name it.

We were all focused on loving more.
On kindness.
On doing better.
On learning about ourselves, our children.
On teaching ourselves, our children.

We were all supportive of one another. Someone had a bad day, someone else left a comment showing they believed in them. Since I’ve returned to posting, the same common goal of loving more has remained, but with a tweak and some expansion.

The focus is definitely more about loving ourselves more, all parts of who we are (not just as people wanting to yell less) so we can create lives we love even more. In doing so, I write about a lot more than parenting. Parenting is a piece of my life, an important one.

But I am also a partner, a friend, a neighbor, a human. All these parts matter if I want to live a life that I love. I saw The Holderness Family (always so funny) make a post re-introducing themselves recently. And HR Mom (always so inspiring) made a post about who she is first and foremost. Whitney Fleming Writes (always so eloquent) shared a post about what she doesn’t fake outrage about. Dontcrossagayman (always just knows how to deliver and teach a needed message) shared a video about, well, all of the above.

I am inspired to follow these pages’ lead so that people can decide whether this space feels right for them. I feel weird writing that, if I’m going to be honest.

But, if I want to live a life that I love, if I want to go to bed feeling lighter, I need to be the most authentic version of myself. I strongly dislike coming on here and feeling like I am hiding parts of me. First and foremost I’m a mother, but I’m also a protector of this page. I want to ensure everyone here feels the same level of welcome, comfort, safety, connection and joy they felt when they first joined. I want to feel that sense of ease.

I want everyone on this page to come here and feel, “yes, I belong here. I don’t feel broken here. I feel seen. I can breathe.” I want this page to lift people up, to brighten their days so that getting through the inevitable gray of life is easier.

So, let me re-introduce myself, who I am first and foremost, and what I also won’t fake outrage about. Let me tell you a bit more about me.

1. I am an almost 48 year old perimenopausal woman with more wrinkles and skin cancer than I like. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and have been engaged for a lot longer than my fiancé would like because I’m so scarred by the divorce process.

I drink my coffee black because that is how I was introduced to it when I stayed with a family in Nicaragua. I no longer drink alcohol because alcoholism runs in my extended family and because I have health issues. Sparkling grapefruit juice with lime is my new favorite mocktail!

I have ADHD and I struggle with anxiety, depression, OCD, and sensory processing disorder. Some people say I’m a lot. I like to think I understand a lot about what it means to be misunderstood, not accepted and alone. It makes me a more loving person. 

2. Since I was at least 8, I’ve been helping others, spreading kindness, trying to bring people together, ALL people. It. Is. Who. I. Am and how I was raised. It is how I hope to raise my sons. Speaking of which… 

3. I am a mom to four neurodivergent sons. I have always said that I was given four sons for a reason: to ensure that I raise gentlemen who respect women so that I can make a difference in the way women are treated. It might only be 4 boys, but change starts somewhere.

Likewise, I’m making sure they understand how they deserve to be treated. Being a teen is hard. I’m also helping them learn how to safely stand up for those who aren’t treated well.

4. In high school, I made a list of lectures I thought our school should give. Sexual violence was one of them. Ensuring I raise sons who understand consent is a constant conversation. My disgust about the E-files is far from fake outrage.

5. My childhood pastor was lesbian. She was the absolute best. I have friends whose children are gay. I have friends whose children are trans. I have friends who are gay. I support and love them all.

6. Some of my best friends are Jewish. My fiancé is Jewish. My grandfather was Jewish but had to hide that aspect of himself:(I am Christian. I’ve been to Temple often and Church services too. We all want the same thing: to be the best, most loving humans we can be.

7. I traveled to numerous third world countries when I was younger. Those were some of the best experiences of my life. I learned so much from their cultures. I used to be fluent in Spanish. I still speak it when I can. I love connecting with people sharing moments of joy that cross languages. I love and appreciate other cultures.

8. I strongly dislike politics. I’ve always avoided talking about them because of the intensity. I value peace and connection. I believe in working together to find common ground and achieve common goals—and I believe both always exist, just not always easy to find or achieve. But I don’t give up. This was my strength as a leader when I worked.

I have friends who are Democrats and friends who are Republicans. I love and support them all. I believe listening doesn’t have to mean agreeing, and disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect. I listen to understand, because you can’t solve problems you don’t understand—and we can only grow if we’re willing to learn from one another.

9. In my darkest of times, let me tell you who helped me.
Democrats. Republicans.
People with white skin, black skin, brown skin.
Christian friends and non-Christian friends.
Straight strangers and non-straight strangers and friends.
People born in the United States, people not born here.
Neurotypical people and neurodiverse people.
I appreciate all of them, all. of. Them.

I would do the same, for all of them.

We are all humans trying to live lives full of love. It pains me deeply that not all humans are treated the same; that my friends, neighbors and those I respect are hurting.

10. I believe in treating others as I want to be treated. With respect. With kindness. With understanding. With grace. I look for the best in people. I celebrate people. I feel for people — I am an empath, through and through. These times hurt.

Oh, and I guess one more.

11. I am The Orange Rhino® created because I wanted more warmth, positive energy and determination in my life, especially when I felt like I wanted to charge or felt like I was getting knocked down. I’m dedicated to creating a space that brings people together while lifting them up, a space that cares for all people.

This is the heart behind The Orange Rhino®—real, human, rooted in love and kindness.

 Sending my warmth to everyone, today and always. Period.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡The Orange Rhino

(This was an unplanned, just written post. Be gentle if there are errors and please message me privately if I wrote something wrong; not my intention. I’m still learning. If I don’t post, I won’t, but I want to. That’s #12 I guess. I am a sensitive, learning to not worry what other people think so much, always trying to make progress and not be perfect, human.)

What My Broken Fireplace Taught Me About Coming Back to Life, Differently

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I know many of you can relate to the state of my fireplace. On the surface, it is “broken” and unable to be used. The inside needs repair in order to function safely. And yet, it isn’t actually broken. Neither are we. When I bought this house 18 years ago, we decided not to fix it.

“We won’t ever use this fireplace.”
“The other one is more important.”
“The other one will get more use.”
“Other things need more fixing.”
“We will get around to it someday.”
Hmm…sound familiar?!

The ashes from fires built years before? They’re still there. Literally never even cleaned them out. The fireplace sat, dirty, sooty-ish for years. Never used, just looked at. Last year, I moved the dining room into this room (which was the living room) and decided I had enough. The fireplace needed to come back to life, one way or another. It needed to find warmth again. It needed to flicker again. It needed to glow again.

It, I, had enough of just sitting, not doing what it was meant to do. Restoring it to how it originally worked? Not an option. Finding a new path? Totally an option. Hello battery operated flickering candles. Thank you for doing the job! I have felt like this fireplace. Broken. Without flicker. Wondering how I will come back to life and function the way I feel I was meant to. I longed to return to my “glory days” the way I “used to” function.

But the thing is I am no longer that person. Returning to “her” isn’t entirely possible. Even if I could, the return would be different. Similar core, but still different. Accepting this hasn’t been easy.

But alas, here I am. Flickering, differently. Same body, same goal of bringing warmth and feeling it myself, different type of flicker, different way of achieving the flicker. Curious to know…how many of you can relate? Where are you in your fireplace journey? Feeling broken? (So not alone there my friends!) Still figuring out your candle equivalent? (It takes time and yeah, being patient kinda stinks.) Flickering fully? (Do tell! Share, share, share!) Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always and especially if you are feeling more broken than flickering right now. I hope warmth finds you today, perhaps in knowing others in this community feel the same. I’ve been there. I still feel that some days too. I see you. I feel with you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Five Words I Keep Journaling Until I Actually Listen

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I kept coming back to the same three thoughts yesterday. I sat outside, journaling in hopes of finding clarity. Sometimes when I journal, I give myself prompts, questions, to help guide me and uncover how I’m really feeling. Other times, I just write and see what comes out.

Yesterday, the same words kept coming out. Thinking I should start listening to them and I don’t know, do something to act on them?! Those words were: Live. Lighter. Help. Regret. Give.

I want to wake up excited that my day holds opportunities to give and help others, especially those who have been in my shoes; especially those who feel unseen, misunderstood, alone and doubting if it will get better or if they will get through the day. (News splash…it will and you will, it just might not be wrapped up in a pretty, perfect, package and just as you expected.) I want to wake up and know that I am going to really live – live fully, live freely; live aligned and live alive.

No more going through the day just taking random steps or doing what I think I should do. Nope.
I want to take intentional steps as often as possible because I remember what matters to me.
I want to take steps that take me towards the life I want to live and the me I want to be.
I want to go through the day feeling light because I didn’t let the weight of the day get to me or hold me back and especially not weigh me day.
I want to go to sleep without feeling shame or regret.
I don’t want to feel shame for how I acted; towards others, towards myself, towards my goals.
I don’t want to regret not being present because of how I acted (or didn’t act.)
It’s a tall order, all of these things. But is it? I don’t think it actually is. We can’t get to where we want to be without knowing where we want to go. This is where I want to go.

This is how I want to start my day, go through my day and end my day. Oh, and I want to do it all with the knowledge that it won’t always go this way, not even close. Nope. Not even close.

So I also want to go through the day with the reminder to just go with the flow, the best I can, knowing that the ups and downs, the grays and oranges, are all part of the day. And, I want to go through the day with a little nudge in my side reminding me of all of this because I keep forgetting it!!! For real. I keep friggin’ forgetting what matters to me. My mind is so overwhelmed and on overdrive and on automatic that I just go and don’t stop and audit and remember to ask…

WAIT. Is that what I want? Is this where I want to be? Is this moving me towards where I want to go? I don’t forget because I’m broken. And no, perimenopause and my ADHD aren’t helping. Neither are the demands of life.

But honestly, I forget because I’m human and it is easy to forget if I don’t make remembering a priority. LOL. Oh the irony. I have to remember to remember…what matters. OOF. As if. SO yeah. Working on a way to do just that.

Because I’m tired of ending the day and thinking, wondering, wtf?! Where did the day go? Was it a good day? Do I feel good about the day?

Because I’m tired of ending the day and feeling…yet again…like I’m not seizing the day, seizing the time I have with myself, my family, this life. I’m not talking hustle culture ladies. I’m talking heart-led culture. I’m talking following my heart to live the life I know I want and that is okay to want. There is so much unspoken pressure to not say, to not feel, that we want more.

Well, I want more. Not more things, but more from my day and from myself. I’m okay saying that. I need to say it more. In fact, I want to yell it from the roof tops. I don’t want to settle and just walk like a robot through my days. I want to skip. I want to jump. I want to twirl. I want to sit when I need to, when I want to. I don’t want to be on autopilot with shame or regret in the passenger seats. I want to be really connected to my goals and what matters to me, personally, professionally and as a parent.

I don’t want to lose sight of those goals. I want them to drive my day. Period. And I know I have to start standing stronger in that voice if I want to get out of autopilot. I have to stop feeling ashamed for wanting more and for having goals. It is absolutely okay to feel this way! I used to yell at my kids too much. I used to yell at myself too much. I still yell a little bit at all of us…always a work in progress, far from perfect.

But now, now I’m going to yell, as in to speak loudly, about what matters to me, so I hear loud and clear, and don’t forget. At least that is my goal;) –> What about you? –>What would you yell about, loud and clearly so you don’t forget?! –>What matters most to you that keeps getting pushed aside? Need help remembering? Just know that as you ponder these questions, you aren’t the only one wondering or struggling with them…and I’m not just talking about me!

Lots of us are. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post hit a loving, sore nerve. Thinking of you extra. Tell me how I can help you, for real.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You’re the Glue Holding Everyone Together — and You’re Exhausted

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A very personal, transparent post.

You know how sometimes you hold it together because you have to?

Because if you let go, something will fall and break?

Because if you stop moving, everything will come to a screeching halt and crash?

Because if you show your real feelings, others will reel in pain?

Because if you aren’t the glue, everyone comes undone and that is worse than being the glue?

So therefore, you aren’t really holding it together because you have to, but because you CHOOSE to, because you know it is the right thing to do, for the moment, for the season.

Well, I have chosen to hold it together for at least eight years, arguably thirteen. There have been moments where I have sighed and had some relief. Moments where I *gasp* dared to think to myself, “Yes, this is it. I’m done holding it together. We’re in the clear.” Hardy, har, har, har. NOT! I realized Thursday morning that those moments? They weren’t really as full as I thought. Thursday morning I realized what an enormous weight I’ve been carrying around all these years.

One of loneliness. Exhaustion. Doubt. Worry. Oh, oh such an intense worry. Sadness. Pain. It is a weight that comes with having a child that is neurodivergent and not widely accepted. (I write that with 100% approval and encouragement by my child by the way.) And this morning, I realize there are weights I carry in being a mom of divorce. Weights I hadn’t fully acknowledged to myself. Weights I cannot write about. Weights I need to work to put down because they are equally exhausting and equally filling me with fear.

I’m tired, my friends. Not just because I recently had shingles. But because of the weights I carry. It is no surprise that I got shingles twice within 8 months. Stress brought it on, I have no doubt. The pressures in my life right now, the demands, are immense. They are (mostly) easy to see and can be managed. They are just A LOT. They take a lot of time, planning, and mental management.

And they are compounded by the invisible stressors, the invisible weights we carry. The invisible weights are so much harder to manage. They can only be managed when we do the work to acknowledge them…FULLY. Like fully, fully.

But let’s be real…it can be hard to do so because they are sooo heavy and yucky. Thursday morning I found myself EXHAUSTED beyond words. I was so confused as to why. I slept well. The night before had been GLORIOUS. Beautiful. Hopeful. Incredible beyond words. It was then I realized all the “mental weight” I had been carrying for thirteen years regarding my son. All the weight I had not fully acknowledged on a deep, deep level…because I couldn’t.

Wednesday night my incredible, neurodivergent son was honored as an “Unsung Hero” in our community. One senior per high school in our county was selected.

He was seen for more than his “label.” He was seen for who he truly is. He was seen for who he is today and how far he has come. He was seen for his heart, his compassion, his resilience. He was seen in a way so many people don’t dare to see him, because they are stuck in the past, they are stuck on labels. He made it. We made it.

And actually, he didn’t just make it. He friggin’ crushed it and then some. He inspired people along the way. He’s changed lives. He is a beacon of hope. Truly. Thursday morning I finally put down one heck of a heavy weight. And my body has collapsed in exhaustion. I will share more as I recover. I have run a marathon with this dear child in ways I haven’t shared. It takes a toll.

But I have held it together because I had to, because I chose to. And I have kept it all in to mostly myself, because if I dared to fully acknowledge what I felt, I wouldn’t have kept running alongside my son, cheering for him and he needed a cheerleader. I gladly played that role; as we all do for our children. I always believed in him, even when others didn’t.

Yesterday was admitted college student’s day. He is becoming a special education teacher. As he says, it is his turn to give back to others, the way a few very special teachers gave to him. 

Recovery is a beautiful journey. It can be equally long and exhausting though because you must still heal from the past. Because you must let go of your past identity and embrace your new identity. I am rebuilding. I am breaking through. And I am exhausted.

And I still have other weights to put down…not to mention the new weights I gained yesterday as I accepted that come fall I will be letting him fly as a college student. This mom’s heart is oh so proud and oh so heavy and oh so light at the same time. This woman’s heart is oh so hopeful and oh so heavy and oh so light at the same time. And hence, she is exhausted. And coming a little undone;) And that is okay. It is more than okay.

There are seasons to hold it together and there are seasons to not. Both are beautiful and have their purpose. Where are you?

Here’s to breaking down, re-building and breaking through to where we want to go and who we want to be.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you too know the feeling of carrying extra weight because of some extra parenting – or life – challenges. With so much love, understanding, and encouragement,

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Constant Overwhelm and ADHD: What Helps When I Can’t Think Straight

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One of my biggest challenges is that I am *almost always* in a constant state of overwhelm, and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t feel good at all. The stress. The shame that I can’t manage better. The stress and shame combined leading to me being cranky. Blech. I do not like being overwhelmed, not one bit. Oh, let me count the ways. (And then share my new solution lol!) I often can’t think straight because one thousand thoughts of everything that I need to do, should do and want to do are barreling at my mind full force, fighting for the little free memory that exists.

Then, when the thoughts that do get through capture some memory space, my brain struggles to prioritize, like BIG TIME struggles. Thank you ADHD!

Prioritizing has never been a strength. Well, I always prioritize the people in my life and doing things to make them feel special and loved. That always comes first, without a doubt.

Someone needs celebrating? Priority.
Someone feels down? Priority.
Someone needs support? Priority.

I’m happy that I prioritize my people first. That feels good. That aligns with who I am.

So I’m cool with this even though sometimes it leads to feeling even more overwhelmed in other aspects of my life as key things get dropped for a bit longer than they should. Speaking of which, let’s add another layer to my overwhelm. I often put off, avoid, put my head in the sand, pick a phrase any phrase to talk about how I don’t do what I need to do when I feel overwhelmed. Yep. That is super duper helpful!

So now, we have several layers in this overwhelming situation. Let’s list them out. I mean if I am going to write about overwhelm, I should at least make it feel overwhelming, no?! We have:

Too many thoughts (start of overwhelm).
Little memory space to remember said thoughts (overwhelm kicks up a notch).
Struggle to prioritize (thank you ADHD…even more overwhelming).
Avoidance of thoughts that do get remembered and prioritized (wicked overwhelmed by now!).

Now to be fair, I do also have the following skills, amongst others, I try so very hard to put to use to overcome overwhelm:

Remind myself I can handle this.
Go outside, get fresh air, take a break, maybe even exercise.
Pick one task, break it down, go bit by bit, celebrating each success as I go.
Remind myself it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get to something today; somehow I always get done what needs to!

The thing is…it is SO hard sometimes to remember all those lovely things when I am in a wicked overwhelmed state.

So the other day, as I was walking, I told myself, “Sheila, you need a saying to keep yourself from getting to a state of complete overwhelm. You need a saying to help you not avoid things in the first place because this is out of control. You don’t feel good. This stress isn’t good.”

Here are a few I came up with. I think I’m liking the first one.

“Avoiding only advances Overwhelm.”

“Ignoring invites Overwhelm.”

“Procrastination procreates Overwhelm.” (Hahaha. Not a fan of this one but it made me laugh as it came to my mind!)

Do you have a saying that keeps you from avoiding things? That helps you not feel overwhelmed?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed with the end of the school year and the start of summer. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness, unscheduled post shared to show how I’m processing the daily challenges of life so that I keep living the life I want to live, instead of feeling stuck in the muck #adhdinwomen #4kids #overwhelmed

Life Can Be Good and Hard at the Same Time

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I’m supposed to be cheerful. Happy! I should share that life is good! Life is great! I should downplay my struggles if I want my message to reach you all. And here’s the thing – LIFE IS GREAT. Life is good. I am happy. I am cheerful.

But, and there is a but…I need to add a disclaimer. An asterisk if you will. Yes…life is great. I am alive, I have a loving family that only drives me bonkers “sometimes,” I am mostly healthy. I have a roof above my head. I have close friends. I have a beautiful community that brings me joy. Yes, I have a lot in my life that is indeed great. Life IS Great*

*and also…sometimes, sometimes it just doesn’t feel so great.

Life is good…and also hard.

I am happy…and sometimes sad.

I can be cheerful…and sometimes down.

I am honest…and well, always honest. Especially when it comes to feelings.

I have never hidden how I feel. Maybe I have hidden it from certain people, or in certain situations, or perhaps delayed the sharing, but I have never strayed from acknowledging them. All of them.

Happy, sad.
Cheerful, down.
Excited, anxious.
Ecstatic, disappointed.
Calm, overwhelmed.
Confident, unsure.

Here is a feeling I am feeling now. Concerned.

Showing the world only “happy, cheerful, life is great” posts isn’t necessarily the way to make people feel better. Yes, it makes people feel better in the moment. But, it’s only part of the equation.

And actually, not acknowledging the other part – the not so cheerful posts – is a disservice. It doesn’t help people feel better in the long run.

There is more to helping people feel better.

People need to know they are not alone in their struggles.

People are craving connection with others like them so that they feel understood and safe to finally share their real feelings, free of judgement.

People are looking silently for stories that make them feel better about their feelings that aren’t so often talked about because they are frowned upon, shamed, feared, misunderstood and more.

People, like me, want to be real about life and ALL the feelings so that we feel lighter…which is what helps us to feel better.

Feeling lighter helps us to take steps towards getting to a brighter place, a place where we fully enjoy all that makes life great. Sharing all our feelings in a vulnerable way with others isn’t gloom and doom. It’s human. It takes courage. It is what TRULY CONNECTS people even more so than 100% happy stuff. It actually LEADS to more happy moments. It frees people and… 

* * * It is what makes life great. * * * 

The following song just popped into my head. Interesting 😉 Thanks Dionne.

“What the world needs now, is love sweet love./
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

Sharing posts that reflect all experiences – “life is great” and “life is hard right now” IS LOVE.

Both posts help people better in different ways. Both kinds of posts help people connect with others, connect their own thoughts, connect with their inner selves, and connect with their dreams.

I hope this post doesn’t get lost as many of mine have been. I will continue to be real, sharing my struggles and how I process them and get to a better spot. And I will continue to share my brighter moments too, and the even not so bright moments.

If I am not honest with myself about how I feel or who I am, I won’t be The Orange Rhino anymore…I will be back to a Gray Rhino, charging with my words because I’m not acknowledging how I really feel. And since I am honest, I like being The Orange Rhino much better.

It feels Warmer. Lighter. Brighter. It feels Better.

Sending you my warmth to go with your strength, and my gratitude for your continuous support of this wonderful and special community.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 *this is another unedited, written stream of consciousness style with typos, post * * just kidding, I did go back and add a few things after I saw the comments. Like how grateful I am for all of you. xoxo.

Adult Friendship and Anxiety: What It Feels Like to Still Be Looking for Your People

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I had a different post planned for this morning. Something fun and upbeat. Something I knew everyone could relate to as a mom. Something I knew would lift me up, would bring me alive a bit.

And then last night happened. With a quick press on “send,” I was reminded how much I am struggling with friendships in this stage of life, with being accepted for who I am, with finding my people. I have a hunch I’m not alone in this, so here’s today’s post. May reading it and perhaps knowing you aren’t alone, uplift you 🙂

I sit here now, and I can’t help but think about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I guess, how hard it has always been for me to make friends, to keep them even.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember what it felt like to be rejected from friend groups at overnight camp when I was thirteen-ish, just because I was a little different.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember how I always felt like the third, or fourth wheel in elementary school, always the friend last to be called, sometimes even forgotten.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember all of the times in my life when I have been asked to be a part of friend groups, but my anxiety got in the way. I was sure they wouldn’t really like me or fully accept me. That’s what history told me. Anxiety, being bullied, and self-doubt are quite the tri-fecta, you know 😉

I sit here now, and I think of how I went to message someone who I have been friendly with for a while, only to discover I couldn’t.

I really liked this person. We had similar life stories. Similar values. She writes too, and I really thought that we could be friends, that we could connect over the ups and downs of this life. I was excited.

And I was blocked. Suddenly, as the “message failed to send” popped up, so did a lifetime of pain and insecurities. The upside? Years past, I would have spent a long while asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I say? Why doesn’t she like me? I would have spent hours reading messages, looking for clues for how I screwed up, how I acted weird, how I could have done better.

Last night, I simply was floored. I knew it wasn’t me. I knew I did nothing wrong. I was simply kind. Supportive. Excited for her. I was myself. The truth is, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve accepted that. (Okay, kind of.) And maybe it really wasn’t personal(ish.) And also… Another truth? It still hurts to be rejected.

And it’s disappointing to lose a connection that you thought, hoped, could have been a source of support. For me, it’s hard to find said support in a writing world that often feels lonely, confusing and harsh. Finding someone who got it felt lovely. Oh, and one more truth? It’s disheartening. Putting yourself out there, making new connections, sharing bits of yourself, being vulnerable as you do so, only to learn, “yeah, I’m actually not interested in chatting more?” Yeah, that’s hard.

Hard is actually quite the understatement. What’s harder is feeling lonely at times.

What’s harder is not having a lot of connections with people who understand you, who accept you, who share your joy, who see your pain.

What’s harder is not being able to easily find people with similar interests, similarish personalities, similarish stories so that they understand yours (mine is complex so this does matter.)

What’s harder is not having people to talk to about topics you love and find interesting, about problems you need some thoughts on, about shared memories and future planned memories.

What would be even harder? Giving up and no longer putting yourself out there. Making friends is hard at any age. But it’s important. Connection is a human need.

So keep going. Keep trying. I should and you should too. We all deserve it. Last night hurt. I take solace though knowing it wasn’t me.

And I take solace knowing how many wonderful people I have met here that are my online friends:) that I connect with daily and that I *will* all ten fingers crossed, meet someday at a big ‘ole Orange Rhino dinner at the beach. In friendship I send you warmth and strength,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. #1 You’re always welcomed and accepted here. Xoxo

P.S. #2 I didn’t mean to take this picture. I was trying to take a picture of the snow outside and had it on selfie mode by mistake.

But I looked so peaceful. So there you go. I will find me people and so will you. Again, xoxo   ​

What My Childhood Toys Taught Me About the Mom I Thought I’d Be

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I had Barbie dolls. But she wasn’t my favorite. Nope. Sorry Barbie. I loved the oh-so-perfect, obviously never yelled, The Heart Family: the mom, the dad, and twin brother and sister. Barbie was cool and all, but she wasn’t a mom and at age seven, being a mom was way cooler to me than any Barbie, no matter how many amazing outfits or accessories she had. Besides, The Heart Family had the nursery set up (with adorable spare diapers, of course, even Barbie babies have blowouts), the Volkswagen Cabriolet convertible with car seats (of course!) and the family camper for fun family vacations.

I had all of these and they were better than any surf board or roller skate set. Any piece that would make this Family complete and happy as can be that I didn’t have, I asked for incessantly. Oh I loved playing in this dreamland of being a happy, peaceful mom. And beyond The Heart Family, I had dolls galore who I rocked and nurtured and loved like no other.

I just couldn’t wait to be a mom!

To give love.

To create love.

To be gentle.

To be kind.

To be there when someone cried.

To be there when they were in pain and needed soothing (by burping of course, no boo boo’s for these babies who weren’t crawling yet.)

I had so many visions of what life as a mom would look like. Obviously my clothes would be better than The Heart Family. I mean, still pinks and blues, but less poof and lace!

What I never, ever, ever envisioned? Yelling at my babies, my kids.

I soothed my dolls. I had The Heart Family mom talk sweetly to her babies as she smiled effortlessly, just like the pictures.

So that is how I would be when I was older. Duh. So where did my yelling come from? That wasn’t what I practiced as a little girl? That wasn’t how I planned things? That wasn’t who I was. I didn’t yell at people. Sure, as a little girl and even as I grew up, I had sensory meltdowns and yelled OUT but never AT people. I love people. I live to be kind to people, to spread kindness.

Yet here I was. Four sweet kids under five. Yelling at them.

For all the play and practicing I did interacting with people, as a little girl all the way to becoming a mom…how did I not learn this one very important skill? How did I never know to learn this skill? How did no one ever mention to even learn this skill? How did I not see anyone directly practice this skill? The skill? Actually skills?

What the heck to do when feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, how the heck to prevent the feelings in the first place, all so you don’t yell. Why didn’t I know this skill? Because no one talked about not yelling as a skill to learn…because it was either accepted or so deeply not accepted that you didn’t talk about it. Add that to the fact that I historically didn’t yell, and why would I even think about honing this skill?! Am I excusing my yelling? Of course not.

What I am doing is forgiving myself.

What I am doing is letting go of some of the guilt, the shame, that I harbored for so long.

What I am doing is loving myself the way I loved my baby dolls when I was seven.

What I am doing is saying, “Hey, I yelled more than I liked. I was as prepared for motherhood as I could be. Yelling was a surprise to me. I didn’t have the skills at the time. That wasn’t my fault. It doesn’t make me a bad mom or a bad person. It just means, I didn’t have the skills. So I got them. And I learned to manage my triggers and yell less.”

I haven’t seen the Barbie movie yet. I absolutely can’t wait! I have no idea how it turns out, but I know this. She goes to reality.

And I bet in the real world, if she does run into The Heart Family, her supposed friends, they will find themselves in a stressed moment and even though they are “perfect,” they will yell. They will yell not on purpose. Not because they are bad parents. Not because they are bad people. But because life is real, with aspects out of our control.And because life is real stressful, with experiences that hit us deeply.

Even when we are totally, utterly prepared and practiced…yelling happens. People are not invincible in the real world. We have feelings and histories. We get triggered and fall flat on our feet. And we yell. And so, we forgive ourselves. And we learn. And we teach our kids so that as they grow up, they have some of the skills we perhaps didn’t.

And that is what The New Heart Family is starting to look like. But they are dressed in Pinks and Oranges 😉 Sending warmth and strength, The Orange Rhino © 2023

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

People-Pleasing: How I’m Learning to Put Myself on the List

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I am a people pleaser. Always have been, will not always be (at least that is the current plan.) I am working to pay attention more to who I please to make sure that I too am on that list. That my needs, my wishes, my thoughts, my concerns, my opinions, my dreams are on my personal people pleasing list.

Because I matter too. And while I know this on a higher level, I often forget it at a deeper level, especially when it comes to tough situations.

When I want to avoid major, major discomfort, I abandon myself and what I need. I don’t listen to my own inner voice that is yelling at me, that is so clearly saying, “hey girl, you matter too. What do you want? Need? What is your body telling you?”

Needless to say, not listening to myself in these situations doesn’t end up feeling good or work out well in the long run. It isn’t just tough situations where I don’t listen to my own inner voice and try to people please instead, where it doesn’t work out so well.

It can be day to day situations, like making weekend plans. And it isn’t even just situations that involve others. Sometimes people pleasing is directly pleasing others; sometimes it is indirect, i.e. by going with trends, popular opinions when making a decision.

When I can’t hear my own inner voice loud enough and need to make a decision, I try to go with what others think and say, I try to agree with them, to please them in a way. Right now, I am struggling with two simple decisions: what color patio furniture to get, and what tagline to do 😉

I am so used to people pleasing, that my own inner voice isn’t strongly telling me what to do. I am not used to trusting my gut as much as I used to. It is a wee bit of a problem. I am aware.

A simple situation on vacation a month ago really proved to me that this whole people pleasing thing really wasn’t working out and needed a reboot. The discussion of where to go to dinner came up. I don’t recall details except that it was clear to me that I cared more about the outcome than others, for a variety of valid reasons that I can’t remember.

And yet, I didn’t stand up for my opinion. I wanted to keep the peace. I wanted to keep people happy. I wanted to please people. So I kept my mouth shut. All seven of us went to the one restaurant that I didn’t want to go to because the menu was limited for me. I tried real hard to be at peace with the place and appear content and happy. I really did. But I kinda failed. Apparently my discontent was written all over my face as I looked over the menu and struggled to find anything that I really liked or could (would) eat.

Perhaps the face that they really saw though was the one that was thinking, “Why didn’t you say how you felt? Why didn’t you stand up for your needs and wants? You matter too. It is okay to make sure you are happy too. You can be on the people pleasing list too. This isn’t the first time this week you did this.”

And later, in the middle of the meal, as I sat picking at my food, hungry and disappointed in my food (myself), they definitely saw the face that suddenly peaked up after a major realization.

“Time out. Crapola. This whole people pleasing business doesn’t actually always work. I tried to make others happy by putting their needs first. But in keeping my mouth shut, I became discontent which has put me in a bit of a mood. So now I am struggling to be present and am being grumpy so I am really not ‘pleasing anyone.’ I am actually displeasing people! Which totally wasn’t my goal, I do like to make people happy and I said yes to this restaurant to do that and yet…not doing that at all! This people pleasing has all backfired. I can’t always get what I want when I share my wishes and wants and needs, but at least I can share and not have them fester inside of me, making me cranky.”

It was a major lightbulb moment.

My people pleasing wasn’t actually people pleasing. Whoa. The reality at the meal was that my frustration had been building all week. My frustration wasn’t entirely with the menu. My frustration was mostly with myself, with the fact that I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that was yelling so it could be heard saying, “Hey, I have an opinion, and it matters, and I would like to share it. I am tired of you putting me on the back burner all week girl. This is your vacation too.”

People pleasing is a habit. It has a purpose, it has history. I am well aware of that. Working to re-write this history isn’t easy, but I am doing it, slowly. I kinda have no choice. Because people pleasing isn’t pleasing me so well.

Yes, sometimes it feels good to “people please” and put them first. But more often than not, I am discovering that as I “people please” and don’t put me on that list, as I focus so much on others’ wishes and wants and needs and opinions and let mine fade away, I make life harder for myself, more stressful, less enjoyable, less authentic. I will not totally abandon thinking of others and pleasing others because that is something I value – in a way.

But I am tweaking how I do it, how I define it, and what my boundaries are, because my current relationship with pleasing others isn’t always healthy. I can not keep doing it at the expense of myself all the time. Yes, there are times when it is okay to put others first. Absolutely, I am okay with that.

But that can’t be my go to. I am not sure what my new “people pleasing” boundaries and rules will be. I just know that my mind, my body (yes, literally) and my heart are all yelling at me to listen to them to figure it out. I am listening. I am learning. I am trying. Sending warmth and confidence your way today.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Friend Who Made Me Feel Seen When I Needed It Most

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Dear The Hands Free Revolution,

I have known you since the beginning of my journey as The Orange Rhino. I will never forget our phone call – when we actually talked live, as friends do, and I felt seen and understood. You knew what it felt like to be an author; to have a book come out and all the complex emotions that came with it. I was able to be me with you – to share my real feelings, my truths.

Talking to you was a gift. No different than reading your words. This morning, instead of writing first thing, I decided to read your new book, “Soul Shift” and now I am in tears and had to put your book down and write. So here I am.

Recently, I ordered loads of orange clothes for myself. I did it to inspire me, encourage me, force me even, to keep going. To keep writing. To keep reaching towards my goal of showing up as The Orange Rhino. My mental plan: if I have the orange clothes, then I need to wear them. There is no escaping them. No quitting. All the purchases were a bold move, a wee bit impulsive even. Or were they?

I have been overwhelmed with self-doubt lately. Okay, let’s be honest. Who am I kidding. I have been full of self-doubt most of my life. It is kinda how I roll. Not really fond of that. The one time I wasn’t? Probably at the peak of The Orange Rhino before I took my personal hiatus; I was full of joy then.

And I haven’t just been overwhelmed with self-doubt.

I have been overwhelmed with fear of failure.
I have been overwhelmed with pleasing people.
I have been overwhelmed with feeling lost.
I have been overwhelmed with should’ves, could’ves, would’ves…didn’ts.

All of this has kept me from going after goals and dreams I have, as a person, a mom, a friend, a partner and as The Orange Rhino.

So these orange clothes?

They were my first step towards fighting self-doubt and all the other overwhelmed feelings I have going on.

They were my first step towards reclaiming an ounce of my lost confidence.

They were my first step towards getting the ball fully rolling again.

They were my first step towards reclaiming part of the person I was before I stopped writing.

Impulsive? Yes.

Thought about for months on end and wished for ?

Also Yes.

So maybe not so impulsive after all.

Yesterday, as I went through all the packages, I came to one that clearly was not clothes. I didn’t recognize the return address and was all “huh?!” I assumed it was yet another random thing I ordered from Amazon, but alas, couldn’t be farther from the truth. It was WAY better.

It was YOUR new book! What an amazing, pleasant, and PERFECT surprise. And a sign. And a gift. And can we just say, is it not ironic that a book with a cover that says “Soul Shift: The Weary Woman’s Guide to Getting Unstuck & Reclaiming Your Path to Joy” was amidst all of my orange clothes, that were basically trying to do the same?!

I am on page 60. I had to put it down because of, well, the tears. Every. Single. Page. Speaks. To. Me. Directly. Not just me, but my heart. It hurts reading it because the pain you acknowledge I connect with, and yet, the hurt is a good hurt because it feels freeing to be seen and understood.

And, most importantly, I feel your nurturing love popping through the pages and I find comfort knowing that you are leading me down the path that I need literally, right now. The hurt is not overwhelming because you write in the most gentle way, which suffice to say, isn’t easy given the topics at hand. Self-worth. Not an easy topic. My self-worth is low. I could win limbo, low. Too low actually. I would drop to the ground, and lose low, now that I think of it.

Again, tears. Prompted by your beautiful book. But I am okay with that. I embrace it actually. I need to, and am ready to, make this journey. I have already started, but I have started it alone so I have stopped and started.

I am so grateful to have your book and you as an inspirational and loving Guide as I continue my way. I see so many of my thoughts in here – the difference though, is you have made it through already.

So much hope I have today. So. Much. Hope. You know what got me to put the book down, what moved me to write to you? The story and exercise about what you are, and what you are not, what roles have been assigned to you and which roles fulfill you.

I have been struggling with this so very much…

Feeling like I have to be what I am not in order to exist.

Feeling like I have to act a certain way in order to be accepted.

Feeling like I have to offer certain credentials to be respected.

Your book has opened my eyes and heart to releasing roles that no longer fulfill me or serve me. Such a gift. And again, I am just on page 60. I can not wait to read the rest. Thank you for this beautiful surprise gift, All my love and congrats and please send tissues, 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino