Tag Archives: Renovation

Why I Miss Chit-Chat With Friends More Than I Expected

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I miss having more time chatting with friends. Whether it’s about the weather, celebrity gossip, personal challenges, whatnot, I miss having that connection outside of my family. No offense to my family, of course. I love them. It’s just that chit chatting with friends and other non-family people lands differently, you know? Lately, I’ve been having the same talk with my sons. Not about chatting with friends, but about how no one can really read minds, especially when it comes to communicating.

How assuming makes an arse out of you and me. How sharing what’s on our minds, respectfully, is often a good thing to do. –> That the biggest loss and risk is doing nothing and remaining uncomfortable, unhappy, wanting change. And yet…here I am, not taking my own advice! It made me laugh out loud yesterday as I walked alone on a beach filled with people. It. Was. Awesome. What I haven’t been fully direct about? Why I want to do these Thursday chit chats so badly.

It’s simple. I know how hard it is for me—and I’m guessing for you—to schedule time with friends. And while I know chit chatting on the internet in a Facebook community isn’t the same as chit chatting in a corner booth at a restaurant, I think it is a great start.

Because I miss my friends and I miss the chit chatting. The laughter that follows. The “uh-huhs” and the “yep, me too” and the inevitable tears that quietly fall that you didn’t know you were keeping inside. I know we are all busy. I know how hard it is to have a phone call longer than five minutes in the car between drop-offs or errands. I know how hard it is to make dinner dates happen, and I, for one, really, really miss those times.

When my kids were younger, it was so much easier for me to go out for dinner with my friends every once in a while. And my gosh, those were some of the best times. Even if we didn’t go out but had a girls’ night in. They got me through the long days of parenting younger kiddos. The connection and the laughter were the escape from the day in, day out of being a mom. Whether we talked about the mundane. The celebrity gossip.

What troubled us. What mystified us. Whatever was on our minds. Those times with friends were golden. Are golden. Because friends? They get you on a different level than family. Friends? They have things in common with you that family doesn’t. Friends? They can make you laugh, feel seen and get you through the day in a different way. Now?

Now it is hard to get those times. Whether at night, during the day or in the car. Schedules are busier. After dinner is busier. There always seems to be a kid with an appointment. I’m always having to cancel, hop off the phone or leave early. I take responsibility for not having enough of these connection points right now. I do my best to plan and follow through, but I fall short sometimes. SO anyway, I really would love to be here once a week to just get us all chit chatting with each other, you know, back and forth like friends.

The Orange Rhino Chit Chats. Maybe we swap recipes. Share favorite new pages we follow—instead of TV shows because I hardly watch TV anymore, to be honest. Share what made us laugh this week. Whatever we chit chat about, at the end of the day, hopefully we all feel just a little bit better. Less alone. More connected. Maybe more normal, whatever that means, because heck knows I am not normal.;) I’ve picked Thursdays because, well, we survived good ol’ Hump Day Wednesday.

We need a boost to make it through the end of the week and then through the weekend. I think we can have some really great chit chats filled with: “OMG, me too!” “I didn’t know that. That’s awesome!” And… “I peed my pants, I laughed so hard.” Okay, maybe that wouldn’t be you.

But it might definitely be me lol. Thursdays can be something to look forward to. To keep checking in on throughout the day as a connection point, a touch point. A little (big) boost amidst all of life’s day-to-day heaviness. I know, this is also the goal of everyday here. I’m hoping Thursday is guaranteed a little lighter and also where you all give me ideas and specific requests on something you would like to chat about.

We’ve had two chit-chats the past two Thursdays, but I’m calling today the first official one. Because, why not?! I’m keeping it light and asking about something many of us do every day anyway: Scroll. (Wait, that is kinda not so light, is it? I know many of us wish we scrolled less.

Okay. This might actually make it better!) What pages are making your scrolling time better? More worthwhile? Easier to hop off scrolling and not get sucked in? I need some new pages to follow. I don’t really watch TV except for The Mentalist with my son and Hallmark Christmas movies in the winter. And I’ll catch The Devil Wears Prada 2 when it streams.

So my equivalent is scrolling. Which I think is the same for many of us. But I want my scrolling to be intentional, you know? Value added. I want the pages and posts that pop up for me to make me smile or teach me something I’m interested in or make me feel good about myself. I’m into organizing, the beach—obviously—cooking, neuroscience and the nervous system, home design and decorating, acts of kindness, feel-good stories and laughing.

I’m trying to get away from overly toxic-positive pages—this should be of no surprise—and parenting pages that shame and preach—also should be of no surprise. Any suggestions? What are you enjoying online? Let’s do a page swap. Seriously. Like… “OMG, you have to follow this page…” BUT if you have a great TV show I have to watch that will make me chill the bleep out at night because it is soooo good, I’ll take that too!

And, if you have any questions or topics you want to chit chat about on Thursdays, share those too:) Sending warmth to you today, especially if you are also wanting more connection and knowing inside you that you are partially responsible for it not happening. I feel ya. Let’s chat here today:)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why I’m Organizing My Home for Peace and Productivity — Not Just Prettiness

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I’m not seeking prettiness, I’m seeking peace. And I’m not seeking prettiness, I’m seeking productivity. But really what I’m seeking are ways to soothe my nervous system, ways to feel better, ways to lift myself up. I write these disclaimers because there is nothing lonelier than being misunderstood or rejected. And if I’m being honest, I fear that sharing my interest in organizing my home will lead to both.

But at the same time, I truly believe in the upsides of the story I’m about to share. Not just from personal, lived experience, but because I know research supports it.

Yesterday, I was feeling depleted and asked myself, “What do I need to feel better? What would make me happy?” My answers? Getting something done. Being creative.

So a pantry cabinet called to me to be organized at long last. As anticipated, I opened the door and things fell out. Oh, has this one cabinet been driving me bat shite crazy. And oh, has it been bringing so much unnecessary stress to the end of my day, since it holds the broom I grab after dinner.

But organizing it? Oh, It. Brought. Me. So. Much. Joy!!! Problem-solving to figure out where everything would go? Finding something in our house that would help organize things? Oh, my brain loved the challenge and the success of figuring it out! Opening the cabinet door and not being attacked by falling paper towels? Or a falling broom? Heaven on earth. Seeing a finished project? Total dopamine rush. I love organizing. Not to achieve Pinterest results, but because of all I just mentioned.

The process.

The results.

The feelings.

The feelings that continue well after the job is done.

The feelings of ease of knowing where everything goes.

The feelings of relief of not over buying because I easily find what I need the first time.

The feelings of peace every time I see a visually pleasing cabinet. I’ve been organizing more and more since the renovation finished.

More systems in place. More stuff donated. Less to organize. Less to tidy. I feel lighter. Less gray. More orange. I want to write more about this, but my old brain — the part of me that has been told before that I’m a perfectionist and too anal-retentive, the part of me that is saying no one cares — is still popping in and saying, “I wouldn’t…” But I gotta tell you. I know there are so many ADHD brains, so many perimenopausal brains, out there like mine thinking:

I can’t organize.

I don’t have the time.

It really isn’t worth it.

But also… I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and annoyed by over-purchasing, wasting time looking for things, and clutter. I’m living the results of doing a little at a time AND it is possible, even for brains like ours.

And it is more than worth it. I want to scream from the cleaner cabinets all about it. I can barely contain myself. SO much so that I wonder if that should be my job?! No joke. BUT… The truth? My organized cabinet? It isn’t just about more clean, organized cabinets with some bins to boot. It really is about one way I’m finding ease and joy so that I feel lighter in general which is totally Orange Rhino oriented, so I guess I’ll stick around here.

Happy MonYAY everyone. I hope it has started off on a great note and if not, there is still plenty of time to create some orange. Sending warmth as always,

xoxo, Sheila.

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How Do You Find Your Voice Again After Years of Turning It Down?

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“How do you start turning up your own voice when it feels like it’s been turned down so much you can barely hear it anymore?” That question came from a fellow Orange Rhino. And my heart skipped a beat when I read it because… that was me. Circa 2016 until… well… still working on it. For years I slowly turned my own volume down. Pushing my thoughts down. Pushing my feelings down.

Meanwhile the “you’re not…” voices (fill in the blank with any doubting thought) got louder and louder. And the antenna of my intuition? It went from strong and upright… to bent and quiet. (cue: tears) Those weren’t fun years. In trying not to feel pain, I created more of it. I made decisions that honored others but ignored what my gut knew to be true.

And the outcomes almost always disappointed me. I took forever to make decisions because I forgot how to trust myself. I forgot how to believe in my abilities.

So I stayed stuck. Stuck feeling blech. Stuck living a life shaped by decisions that didn’t quite feel like me. And the self-doubt only grew because I kept asking myself: “Why don’t I trust myself?” “Why don’t I listen to myself anymore?” So yes. That question hit a nerve. A beautiful one. My friend, the answer is this: You start slowly. With love. With patience. And with the understanding that you won’t always get it right.

But over time, you get better. And that practice? That is getting it right. During my kitchen renovation there was a major mistake coming. I saw it before it even happened.

But my voice? I quieted it (and paid for it later. Sigh.) “Nah… trust the professionals,” I told myself. Right. Trust the professionals.

But here’s the thing I finally realized: I am the professional of my inner instincts. Of my feelings. Of the quiet voice inside trying to speak up.

When the renovation was finished, major mistake corrected, I stood in my cozy, bright white kitchen that I loved. I admired all the little details I had been told not to do.

And I said to myself: “You did this. You did this by listening to yourself.” I remember calling my mom and saying, “And you know what mom? I designed it. When am I going to start listening to myself more? Trusting my abilities again? Seeing what I’m capable of?” I wasn’t bragging. I was having a breakthrough.

So how do you start turning your voice back up and having your own breakthrough? You PR (don’t ask how my brain came up with that, but honestly, perfect here!) Practice. Reflect. Praise. Record. Patiently Repeat. Practice by showing up for yourself and trying to listen. It might be small. “I want tacos for dinner.” So… tacos it is. Reflect when something feels off. Ask yourself why. Then ask again. And again. (Often, if I’m honest, the answer hiding underneath is fear.) Praise and record the moments you do listen.

“See? I did it.” “See? I followed through.” “See? I trusted myself.” Give that quiet voice evidence. Proof that it’s getting stronger. Help it feel safe speaking up again. And most importantly… patiently repeat.

Because your voice doesn’t come back all at once. It comes back in tiny moments of trusting yourself. A decision here. A boundary there. A quiet “no.” A brave “yes.” Until one day you notice something surprising. You can hear yourself again. And you realize the voice you thought you lost? It was never missing. It was just waiting for you to start listening again. And you realize, my gosh, this feels great. Let’s start now.

What’s one thing your inner voice kept telling you… that you finally listened to — and it turned out you were right? I want to hear all about it and celebrate with you. For real.

Sending my warmth to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What My Broken Fireplace Taught Me About Coming Back to Life, Differently

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I know many of you can relate to the state of my fireplace. On the surface, it is “broken” and unable to be used. The inside needs repair in order to function safely. And yet, it isn’t actually broken. Neither are we. When I bought this house 18 years ago, we decided not to fix it. “We won’t ever use this fireplace.” “The other one is more important.” “The other one will get more use.” “Other things need more fixing.” “We will get around to it someday.” Hmm…sound familiar?!

The ashes from fires built years before? They’re still there. Literally never even cleaned them out. The fireplace sat, dirty, sooty-ish for years. Never used, just looked at. Last year, I moved the dining room into this room (which was the living room) and decided I had enough. The fireplace needed to come back to life, one way or another. It needed to find warmth again. It needed to flicker again. It needed to glow again.

It, I, had enough of just sitting, not doing what it was meant to do. Restoring it to how it originally worked? Not an option. Finding a new path? Totally an option. Hello battery operated flickering candles. Thank you for doing the job! I have felt like this fireplace. Broken. Without flicker. Wondering how I will come back to life and function the way I feel I was meant to. I longed to return to my “glory days” the way I “used to” function.

But the thing is I am no longer that person. Returning to “her” isn’t entirely possible. Even if I could, the return would be different. Similar core, but still different. Accepting this hasn’t been easy.

But alas, here I am. Flickering, differently. Same body, same goal of bringing warmth and feeling it myself, different type of flicker, different way of achieving the flicker. Curious to know…how many of you can relate? Where are you in your fireplace journey? Feeling broken? (So not alone there my friends!) Still figuring out your candle equivalent? (It takes time and yeah, being patient kinda stinks.) Flickering fully? (Do tell! Share, share, share!) Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always and especially if you are feeling more broken than flickering right now. I hope warmth finds you today, perhaps in knowing others in this community feel the same. I’ve been there. I still feel that some days too. I see you. I feel with you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why the Same Gray Day Can Feel Completely Different Depending on What You Need

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It always amazes me how I can feel two totally opposite emotions in the same situation. Take a gray, gloomy morning for example. If this were the summer, and I was on vacation, and I woke up to this weather? Blech. Boo! No thank you!! I want the sunshine! But since it is fall and almost winter? And my body is craving hibernation, calm, quiet? Since life has been loud? Since I have so much to do and need to be inspired to not really leave the house except to walk the dog?!

Oh gloomy gray mornings please come find me! Of course, since I’m me, when I realized this, it made me think of the gray moments in life.

The stressful ones (um, how am I going to get my house in order by Wednesday night?) The worrisome ones (um, first semester college kiddo, kiddo applying to college, freshman in high school, and the sophomore in high school, all having their own gray moments.) The heavy ones (can’t even go there now, too many to list, but I’ll add finances, life changes, concerns for lots of others.) The complicated ones (dreams, goals, hormones!!!) If gray weather can elicit two responses in me (yes please and no thank you…) then gray moments, gray emotions can too, right?

Yes. Maybe not instantly, in that same precise moment, but eventually, at my own pace. For those new here, I’m anti toxic-positivity. To be clear, I’m not anti-positivity. I’m just not for being so positive that real feelings are overlooked, dismissed. You know, the gray ones. There is a big difference. I’m pro Grorange:) I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or.

I’m pro: acknowledge the gray, feel the gray, move through the gray, so you can see the orange and feel the orange. I’ve always been that way, even as a kid. –> This part of me was never understood and honestly, never really accepted. “Just be positive!” I was told.

But I was being positive…I was just also feeling the other feelings, first. Which is normal. And healthy. And okay. I wasn’t dwelling. I was moving through so I could fully feel the good stuff too. Otherwise the gray heavy emotions would just linger.

So yeah, I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or. And lol, in true Sheila fashion, don’t even know how I got here in this post. Not planned. Anywho, today until Wednesday night is a mad dash of unpacking. The kitchen renovation led to re-doing the floors on the entire first floor.

When they were installed in 2007, they were done wrong. They were fixed twice afterwards and nothing worked. My ex and I lived with it knowing it would have to be fixed. With the kitchen newly done, my fiancé and I realized now was the time to fix the entire first floor since so much furniture and what not was already packed and out.

Bottom line?! Kitchen is unpacked 100% But the dining room?! The family room? Our living room/my office? HAHAHA. This girl has work to do. And don’t forget dusting. Gotta dust. The gray that keeps trying to derail me and invite me to just sit and do nothing????

So much work –> Overwhelm. The orange? I’m feeling grateful and excited. The gray? Did I mention I don’t know how it will get done? The dust is getting to my asthma? I’m tired and overwhelmed???! The orange? I just keep telling myself to pick up one thing, one box at a time and to keep going. Either way, gonna show up and get it done. Here I go. What are you doing today? Traveling? Shopping? Resting? Flying to NJ to come help me?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling only the Gray in “The Grorange Life” today. That’s okay. It’s part of it. The Orange will come. There’s no rush.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How a Friend Helped Me Finally Let Go of What My House “Should” Look Like

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I had the most liberating, helpful phone call with a friend yesterday. Saweet! It’s amazing how we can know something, tell ourselves something, and yet it takes a friend saying the exact same thing for us to finally hear it and follow through, right?! –>Anyone else experience this? Lately, I’ve been juggling so much (aren’t we all?): parenting responsibilities, launching a company (did I just formally put that in writing?!), being a human, and re-setting up my house after a “kitchen” renovation that somehow took over every room.

Every day, I feel pulled in so many directions. Every day I ask myself, “okay, so what is most important?” “What action will bring me the most peace?” “What action will have the largest consequence if I ignore it?” “What action will energize me the most so I can do everything else a little bit better, so I can go to bed feeling a little bit better about how the day went?” And of course, the answers never match.

Work needs the most. Parenting matters most. Cleaning weighs on me most. Cue frustration, overwhelm, and hair pulling. In my heart, I knew the house was what I needed to say yes to and yet, I couldn’t. Enter my friend. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate in one of my favorite mugs (and not just because it’s orange, but because it is honestly the perfect size!) and gave her a call.

“Girl! ORGANIZE THE HOUSE! Forget work. Forget doing all the parenting stuff. You feel suffocated by the clutter, the chaos, the visual to-dos. You are drowning in the negative energy that every room brings. It’s okay to say yes to cleaning and organizing.” she said to me, all matter-of-factly.

So I did. After a doctor’s appointment (and a slightly embarrassing nap during my echo with a 25-year-old tech), I came home, rested, and voila—one room re-organized, one me re-energized. Holy shnikes, what a difference in my mood, my outlook, my everything. Cleaning, organizing can be given such a bad rap. Focus on the other stuff people say. Cleaning and organizing can wait. Sure, sometimes it can.

But sometimes, oh sometimes it IS the game changer, the foundation that makes everything better. So the question for me is, what will I tackle today?! Hmmm. Good news…the possibilities are endless since there are soo many boxes and dust is everywhere post floors getting refinished!

What’s your version of cleaning the house? The thing you keep pushing aside but deep down know would make you feel lighter, calmer, more like you again? The thing you want to do but feel like maybe you shouldn’t prioritize because of messaging out there that says otherwise?! Tell me below — I promise, no judgment, just solidarity and maybe a gentle nudge to go for it. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are going to tackle your version of “cleaning the house” today. I’m with you in spirit. Always am.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

How to Make More Room for Fun When Life Becomes All Go-Go-Go

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I realized something kinda major yesterday –> I’m not having as much fun as I’d like lately. Part of me wanted to wait to share this until tomorrow when more people will see this post but part of me also wants to reach who I can today because it’s Sunday and Sunday is the perfect day to receive this message. I’m *hoping* your Sunday is mostly open without work and therefore a lot of opportunity to hear this message and act accordingly.

My life has been go-go-go-getter-done. By choice. By necessity. By things out of my control. The weekends come when my kids are with their dad and my brain goes, “alright Sheila, GO. What can you get done? What do you need to get done so you can be more present when the kids come home?” Or even weekends when the kids are with me. Saturday morning hits, even Sunday, any my brain seems a mostly empty schedule and goes, “Yes.

A day to get the 1,000 things I legit need to get done to keep this family going to where it wants to be and how it wants to feel.” Yesterday, as I drove home from my son’s football game, ready to move furniture out of the pod in preparation for the last bit of the renovation, I realized: “Time out. It’s okay to go-go-go-getter-done when that is the season and that it was life demands. It happens. (Say it with me, gray happens….) BUT girl… you are not having any fun lately.

Where’s the laughter? Where’s the smile? Where’s the joy? Where’s the enjoyment? The point was taken and my mindset was switched up. –> IT IS SO EASY to get into the habits, the rhythms, the goings of life and then to forget, to not see, that we aren’t laughing or smiling or living as much as we like, is it not?! I got my earbuds. Put on my favorite new spotify station, “90’s classics” and did all my work with a pep in my step.

I laughed at the memories that came back with each song. Like one that was my college boyfriend and I liked…that came on when this younger girl was hitting on him, right in front of me. Oh the good ‘ole days. Or better yet, and good luck not singing this one, “Good Riddance” by Green Day. The lyrics are my theme song for life lately and are very. “Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road/ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go/ So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why/ It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time/ …

It’s something unpredictable/ But in the end, it’s right/ I hope you had the time of your life” YES. Love these lyrics and loved hearing them yesterday. My life is a test right now. Lots of challenges. Lots of obstacles. Lots of gray BUT how I reply, how I respond, or how I react is the real challenge, the real test.

When gray happens, it can define us. Been there, done that, don’t strongly recommended it -or- When gray happens, it can guide us by showing us what matters most to us and helping us find our ways there. -or- When gray happens, it can knock us down entirely, become our outlook, our everything and we miss out on all the other colors of life. Again, Been there, done that, don’t strongly recommended it -or- When Gray Happens, it can happens (as it darn well do no matter what) BUT we can happen too.

We Can Show Up. We can show up for ourselves..and for each other. We can show up and figure out how to get through the gray to a lighter, brighter place. We can challenge ourselves to make the gray brighter so that as we embrace it, it doesn’t feel so blech. Mindset and perspective shifts; action and reaction changes aren’t easy. Oh heck now. They take practice.

But they work is worth it. So today, this Sunday, I encourage you to ask yourself if you are having as much fun as you want? If the gray is way too overbearing (how dare it!) how you can add some fun to the day so it feels lighter? I’m about to do more housework. Not my ideal way to spend a gorgeous, sunny 80 September day, BUT I’m telling myself to stay focused so I can get it all done by noon so I can do the fun – sit on my tuckus and just enjoy the sunshine.

What about you? What are your plans today? If nothing, create them right now. Share them with us to keep yourself accountable. Make today fun. Laugh. Smile. Relax. Enjoy the bejeebers out of it!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling like more fun is needed in your day to day. I feel ya. I do. I do. Maybe we should order some silly string and just have silly string parties for the heck of it?! xoxo Sheila.

🧡 The Orange Rhino