Tag Archives: Overwhelm

How a Friend Helped Me Finally Let Go of What My House “Should” Look Like

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I had the most liberating, helpful phone call with a friend yesterday. Saweet! It’s amazing how we can know something, tell ourselves something, and yet it takes a friend saying the exact same thing for us to finally hear it and follow through, right?! –>Anyone else experience this? Lately, I’ve been juggling so much (aren’t we all?): parenting responsibilities, launching a company (did I just formally put that in writing?!), being a human, and re-setting up my house after a “kitchen” renovation that somehow took over every room.

Every day, I feel pulled in so many directions. Every day I ask myself, “okay, so what is most important?” “What action will bring me the most peace?” “What action will have the largest consequence if I ignore it?” “What action will energize me the most so I can do everything else a little bit better, so I can go to bed feeling a little bit better about how the day went?” And of course, the answers never match.

Work needs the most. Parenting matters most. Cleaning weighs on me most. Cue frustration, overwhelm, and hair pulling. In my heart, I knew the house was what I needed to say yes to and yet, I couldn’t. Enter my friend. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate in one of my favorite mugs (and not just because it’s orange, but because it is honestly the perfect size!) and gave her a call.

“Girl! ORGANIZE THE HOUSE! Forget work. Forget doing all the parenting stuff. You feel suffocated by the clutter, the chaos, the visual to-dos. You are drowning in the negative energy that every room brings. It’s okay to say yes to cleaning and organizing.” she said to me, all matter-of-factly.

So I did. After a doctor’s appointment (and a slightly embarrassing nap during my echo with a 25-year-old tech), I came home, rested, and voila—one room re-organized, one me re-energized. Holy shnikes, what a difference in my mood, my outlook, my everything. Cleaning, organizing can be given such a bad rap. Focus on the other stuff people say. Cleaning and organizing can wait. Sure, sometimes it can.

But sometimes, oh sometimes it IS the game changer, the foundation that makes everything better. So the question for me is, what will I tackle today?! Hmmm. Good news…the possibilities are endless since there are soo many boxes and dust is everywhere post floors getting refinished!

What’s your version of cleaning the house? The thing you keep pushing aside but deep down know would make you feel lighter, calmer, more like you again? The thing you want to do but feel like maybe you shouldn’t prioritize because of messaging out there that says otherwise?! Tell me below — I promise, no judgment, just solidarity and maybe a gentle nudge to go for it. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are going to tackle your version of “cleaning the house” today. I’m with you in spirit. Always am.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You Feel Stuck, Unmotivated and Tired of Pep Talks

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I have two alternatives for you if you are feeling stuck. It took me this entire post to get to the second one, but hey, at least I got there!

I’m feeling stuck. I’m having a hard time getting motivated. I’m having a hard time making decisions. I’m exhausted from giving myself pep talks and remembering mindset hacks. I’m worn down from writing publicly, from being judged by an algorithm everyday and from worrying that my “being me” is “too negative, too really, not bubbly or positive enough to survive in social media.”

Being stuck is often seen as a big ‘ole negative. I know I often experience it as such. But here’s something I just realized this morning. –>What if I’m meant to be stuck right now? What if I’m struggling to move forward because the path I had set myself on was not the right path? What if my body, my brain, my everything knows that the path I have chosen is not actually the one that will bring me the most fulfillment? A life that feels the most aligned?

What if being stuck, spiraling out on some days, struggling, isn’t seen as a bad thing, but rather an okay thing, a helpful sign to stop and look closer? (You know, No-yeah-mber) What if the gray is actually a good thing? –>What if being stuck is seen as a big, bright, flashing sign that says, “HOLD ON. TIME OUT. Being stuck is simply giving you a chance to take a break, re-group, and plan your next intentional step instead of just roboting your way through life?”

Being stuck doesn’t have to stink, it is an opportunity to sit and think. Things get stuck in life for a reason (a jar lid that’s too tight, a puzzle piece that doesn’t actually fit, a car in a traffic jam because there’s just too many cars.) When stuck (gray) happens, things need patience and a little extra attention, a little extra effort, to get unstuck.

So extra patience, attention, and effort I will give to my so-called “stuckness.” I’m stuck –> I’m sitting –> I’m thinking –> I’m accepting –> I’m reflecting –> I’m realizing I will figure it out and feel a little lighter in due time. Is this easy? No. Do I feel answers bubbling to the surface? Yes. Do I think I need to quit it all and take an entirely different path? No. Do I feel like I need to adjust my focus, my energy, the balance of my time? Yeah, I do.

My heart knows the answer. I need to find a bit more courage to follow it. –> Can you relate to the last statement? Any of these statements? Which ones? Feeling stuck isn’t fun but it doesn’t have to stink and it definitely isn’t permanent. Remembering these two bits isn’t easy; nor is finding the courage to step out of it. I see you as you do all the hard work and experience the range of emotions that go with it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are sitting and thinking today (instead of being “stuck”)

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Late-Diagnosed ADHD, Perimenopause and Sensory Overload

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I’ve been meaning to write about life as a late diagnosed ADHD lady since October is ADHD awareness month but lol, I have ADHD so you know, I forgot/got distracted/struggle to follow through, IYKYK. Perimenopause has absolutely made it worse, like way worse. And you know what else does? Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was SO excited the other day! It was the first real sweater day. I took out my favorite orange sweater. Favorite because of how it looks – not how it feels. I put it on. I tried. Oh did I. I lasted 15 minutes before I had to change. It just felt toooo heavy, even though there are times when my body needs the heavy, the weight to feel better, when –  get this – life feels too heavy. The sweater hit in all the wrong places that morning and annoyed me…which set off my ADHD. I couldn’t focus for shite. I think I re-heated my coffee three times in the span of five minutes because I kept forgetting that I already had. True story.

Between heatings, I pulled at the sweater and tried to pep-talk myself into working through the discomfort. The thing is, when my SPD is in a mood, there is no talking my way out of it. Upstairs I went, to put on a new orange sweater, because obviously! This time I intentionally went SNUG, tight like a hug. Phew, sensory meltdown averted. Outfit stayed on all day until dinner time when I was so exhausted from an actual productive day (thank you ADHD medication and new tools I am using to help me stay on task) that I craved soft and cozy.

My brain was fried though. An hour after feeding everyone (Taco Monday around here!) I realized I was starving! Rice, beans, a little taco meat and cilantro was my main meal that night…but I forgot to eat. SO typical. Like beyond. At least I hadn’t left the stove on this time 😉 None of these actions were intentional. I wasn’t trying to make my day harder. My brain was just braining, as it does! I write that because I know there is a chance you know someone with ADHD or even SPD and maybe sharing that, sharing these stories helps a little to understand them, their experience.

When I was a kid, my SPD was dismissed, criticized, blamed. As was I.

“Just eat the food, there are no nuts. You are being too sensitive,” My grandma said.

Yes there were. I hated the texture. I gagged.

“Hurry up, your clothes are fine. The itching will stop.”

No it won’t, let me change. I will be in a better mood.

When I was a kid, my ADHD behaviors were seen, but not entirely criticized because I was a people pleaser. I worked hard to hide the behaviors that were called out once – and rarely again. I found a note at my parents house recently. It was from me to incoming 4th graders.

“You will do fine as long as you sit still, don’t talk a lot, write neatly, don’t blurt out answers, and don’t fidget. Oh and if you have to chew gum, do it quietly and do NOT blow bubbles.”

It was as if I was reading a letter to my sons;) –> The best part of having ADHD and SPD? Sometimes my ADHD makes my mind go so fast in so many different directions that as I try to slow it down and make sense of it all, my body physically gets overwhelmed and overheated which leads to an SPD meltdown. Legit, it’s a lot of fun. Kidding. It’s not. It stinks and often leads to an outfit change in huff and a puff 😉 Learning to manage this as I raise kids with some of the same challenges has been a gift—and a challenge.

Oh wait, I just thought of another highlight 😉 Thanks to SPD, I strongly dislike wearing anything that offers sun protection—read, anything that protects me from getting more skin cancer. Nothing ever hits right or feels right; everything almost always annoys. Hats. Sunglasses. Coverups. Sunscreen.

But I have no choice. The fun part?! I just about always forget something. Creating habits and sticking to them are not easy for us ADHD’ers even when we try out darndest. We want to do well, trust me. I share these stories to say, us ADHDers, us SPDers, we’re doing our best. These so-called disorders do present challenges but also, they make me, me and honestly give me some of my favorite strengths. Creativity. Attention to detail. Problem Solving. Appreciation of beauty. Empathy. I see all the ADHDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, distracting, and demanding. I see all the SPDers doing their best in a world that can be loud, sensory overwhelming and really-unavoidingly-smelly at times! I see all of you doing your best in environments where you can’t control anything but how you prepare, how you adjust, how you respond, how you care for yourself afterwards so you are best prepared for the next time.

And you know what else? I see everyone in perimenopause and menopause without ADHD or SPD because I know you are starting to experience similar symptoms I’ve had my entire life. Hot flashes suck, right?! (I get sensory flashes from the wrong clothes, smells I can’t stand) Brain fog? Not remembering where you put something? (Hi, ADHD on a standard day.) I see you all and as always, sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if today is feeling like a meltdown, three outfits, where the heck did I put my brain;) kinda day.

Girl, I couldn’t find my coffee for 10 minutes today.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Your Feelings Surprise You at the Doctor’s Office

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Here’s the thing –> I truly didn’t realize how I felt which is how I got to this photo. So yeah, holy moly do I have a story for you all! I have a *hunch* you all might just relate and maybe, just maybe (okay I hope lol) you’ve had a similar experience lately? If not, just fib and say, yes, Sheila, of course we have!

So yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment to review my adhd medication and antidepressants. No shame there ladies (and gentleman or two I think.) Yep I have anxiety and situational depression that I deal with – it is what it is.

Anyway, standard question. “Sooo, how’s it going?” I hadn’t seen this doctor in three months. Like, I was going to answer this question quick and easy peasy?

I gave bullet points. “Well, let’s see. All my kids are giving me agita at the same time – this has never, ever happened in my life. (I proceeded to share details. Fairly certain heart rate proceeded to increase as well.) I am worried about each one and it’s impacting my sleep. I legit have stressmares where I am processing all the challenges.” I said.

“Okay….” She said, as I interrupted her.

“But wait, there’s more! The renovation has basically been an emotional and literal disaster even though I’m grateful. It is exhausting and taking up so much time. Plus I’m trying to kinda sorta launch a company which I could drop so I could focus more on parenting but honestly, I am already giving so much to parenting and I need to give to me too and my work is for me, it gives me hope, joy, life. You know?” I shared.

“Uh huh.” She kinda looked at me, like is there more. (Obviously, I’m truncating things here.)

“So basically, I’m just going moment by moment. It’s a lot. So much is urgent. I get through each day, wishing I had more laughter, more enjoyment even though I’ve had glimpses. The season is what it is. It’s going to get easier soon. And I know that. It is just hard right now. As I tell my community, it’s kinda lots of gray.”

Before we wrapped up the meeting I let her know that some lady yelled at me in the parking lot over the parking space I used, accusing me of parking illegally. Like what the what? I wanted to confirm I used the right spot for next time. News splash – I did. The lady just wanted to yell at me? I guess she was having a bad day, moment…aren’t we kinda all sometimes?

Kindness my friends. Ugh. We wrapped up, I admired the gorgeous pink and orange flowers in the reception area, and left. Hadn’t shed a tear even though I was close. “Huh, I guess I am handling this stress fairly well. Alrighty then.”

As I drove home, on a new path I didn’t know too well, I came to an intersection and all of a sudden, “oh shite! I’m in the wrong lane.” One angry driver next to me starts blasting his horn at me and flying his hands all around, screaming at me at the same time.

Facts.

  1. I made a simple mistake.
  2. It didn’t cause an accident.
  3. It wasn’t going to – there was space for both of us to merge.
  4. Calm the bejeebers down, I’m sorry, it wasn’t intentional.

I did arm movements to show it was an “oops” and mouthed “I’m so sorry.” He let me go and holy smokes –> I promptly burst, and I mean, burst into tears and said, “I’m just so tired of all the friggin’ challenges and mistakes! I’m doing my best darn it!”

Full blown tears people. As fast and furiously as he hit the horn. I was shocked. I wanted to blame hormones – because that is the internet’s go-to. Oh, menopause, hormones, crying for so reason.

But then I said to myself, “Sheila, screw that. Your tears are real. You are exhausted from how hard life has been. You have been go-go-going for good reason. It has been hard. Challenging. Frustrating. Disappointing. You’ve been doing your best. You don’t want to be yelled at for it. Of course that put you over. You want love. Care. Concern. You want people to show up for you— not put you down, as this man just did. As people in several of the projects you are working on have done recently. This was the straw that broke the gray rhinos back. You are human, girl. Maybe perimenopausal too, but human first!” I then wiped my tears. Laughed at myself because, perspective. I couldn’t believe that it took a man honking at me, something I can normally tolerate, to show me I need a break.

And then I promptly drove into the Wendy’s drive through for a fountain diet coke because the bubbles always taste good and I wanted to do something for me. SO this is where you go to the comments and say, “Sheil, me too. Been there, done that.” Pick any of these, tell me you get it, lol. Copy the emoji you get, or create your own.

1 the sudden crying because holy heck hit your limit!

2 the exhaustion from showing up because that is simply what you need to do right now

3 the telling yourself you refuse to let hormones be the answer to all your REAL feelings and experiences

4 the love of the bubbles in diet coke (now I want one and no seltzer is just not the same)

5 the knowing that people are showing up for you but at the same time, feeling a little unseen 

This picture makes me smile, laugh, and also remember.

Girl, take a break. Get outside. Enjoy the sunshine and then take one small step to get something done because I do have things to do and letting them pile up will create stress and that is not needed. No thank you. It’s a balance.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this photo and story are relatable – especially if point #5, is more than relatable. I get it. It might not seem like it, but I do see you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Five Words I Keep Journaling Until I Actually Listen

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I kept coming back to the same three thoughts yesterday. I sat outside, journaling in hopes of finding clarity. Sometimes when I journal, I give myself prompts, questions, to help guide me and uncover how I’m really feeling. Other times, I just write and see what comes out.

Yesterday, the same words kept coming out. Thinking I should start listening to them and I don’t know, do something to act on them?! Those words were: Live. Lighter. Help. Regret. Give.

I want to wake up excited that my day holds opportunities to give and help others, especially those who have been in my shoes; especially those who feel unseen, misunderstood, alone and doubting if it will get better or if they will get through the day. (News splash…it will and you will, it just might not be wrapped up in a pretty, perfect, package and just as you expected.) I want to wake up and know that I am going to really live – live fully, live freely; live aligned and live alive.

No more going through the day just taking random steps or doing what I think I should do. Nope.
I want to take intentional steps as often as possible because I remember what matters to me.
I want to take steps that take me towards the life I want to live and the me I want to be.
I want to go through the day feeling light because I didn’t let the weight of the day get to me or hold me back and especially not weigh me day.
I want to go to sleep without feeling shame or regret.
I don’t want to feel shame for how I acted; towards others, towards myself, towards my goals.
I don’t want to regret not being present because of how I acted (or didn’t act.)
It’s a tall order, all of these things. But is it? I don’t think it actually is. We can’t get to where we want to be without knowing where we want to go. This is where I want to go.

This is how I want to start my day, go through my day and end my day. Oh, and I want to do it all with the knowledge that it won’t always go this way, not even close. Nope. Not even close.

So I also want to go through the day with the reminder to just go with the flow, the best I can, knowing that the ups and downs, the grays and oranges, are all part of the day. And, I want to go through the day with a little nudge in my side reminding me of all of this because I keep forgetting it!!! For real. I keep friggin’ forgetting what matters to me. My mind is so overwhelmed and on overdrive and on automatic that I just go and don’t stop and audit and remember to ask…

WAIT. Is that what I want? Is this where I want to be? Is this moving me towards where I want to go? I don’t forget because I’m broken. And no, perimenopause and my ADHD aren’t helping. Neither are the demands of life.

But honestly, I forget because I’m human and it is easy to forget if I don’t make remembering a priority. LOL. Oh the irony. I have to remember to remember…what matters. OOF. As if. SO yeah. Working on a way to do just that.

Because I’m tired of ending the day and thinking, wondering, wtf?! Where did the day go? Was it a good day? Do I feel good about the day?

Because I’m tired of ending the day and feeling…yet again…like I’m not seizing the day, seizing the time I have with myself, my family, this life. I’m not talking hustle culture ladies. I’m talking heart-led culture. I’m talking following my heart to live the life I know I want and that is okay to want. There is so much unspoken pressure to not say, to not feel, that we want more.

Well, I want more. Not more things, but more from my day and from myself. I’m okay saying that. I need to say it more. In fact, I want to yell it from the roof tops. I don’t want to settle and just walk like a robot through my days. I want to skip. I want to jump. I want to twirl. I want to sit when I need to, when I want to. I don’t want to be on autopilot with shame or regret in the passenger seats. I want to be really connected to my goals and what matters to me, personally, professionally and as a parent.

I don’t want to lose sight of those goals. I want them to drive my day. Period. And I know I have to start standing stronger in that voice if I want to get out of autopilot. I have to stop feeling ashamed for wanting more and for having goals. It is absolutely okay to feel this way! I used to yell at my kids too much. I used to yell at myself too much. I still yell a little bit at all of us…always a work in progress, far from perfect.

But now, now I’m going to yell, as in to speak loudly, about what matters to me, so I hear loud and clear, and don’t forget. At least that is my goal;) –> What about you? –>What would you yell about, loud and clearly so you don’t forget?! –>What matters most to you that keeps getting pushed aside? Need help remembering? Just know that as you ponder these questions, you aren’t the only one wondering or struggling with them…and I’m not just talking about me!

Lots of us are. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post hit a loving, sore nerve. Thinking of you extra. Tell me how I can help you, for real.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

College Move-In Is Coming — and I’m Already Grieving

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I’m still a mess, six days later. And my son hasn’t even gone to college yet. The official move in day is Tuesday. 48 hours from now.

So, um, yeah. How about no?! Ugh, I just choked up…again. This isn’t far off from how I felt a year ago when I received the big manilla envelope from the high school about all the things “Senior” year related, like ordering a cap and gown. The anticipation of the year to come was brutal. It was a wake up call that time was going too fast. Too, too fast. It made me stop and think, “shoot, did I do a good job?” And not, “did I do a good job teaching him” but did I do a good job being the mom I wanted to be?!

Did I live up to my ideals, goals, dreams? Or am I filled with regret?! And there’s the pit in my stomach…again. Sending a kid to college is hard. Full stop. Period. Whether it’s the first time, the last time, whether it is your child or grandchild, it is hard. It. Is. Hard. This post though is also for anyone who isn’t sending a kid off to school…but is close or remembers college life themselves. This post is simply for anyone feeling the grays in life right now and feeling how this monumental milestone that we all see everywhere (every single store is screaming college!) is about a heck of a lot more than college.

It’s a friggin’ wake up call, forcing one to take stock in their life. And now I know why my gut called this month, “Au-dit-gust.” Blech. Do know, this is not a rah-rah, you’re going to be okay post. I don’t do toxic positivity around here. Nope. Not how I roll. I face the hard, the gray, the REAL tough and not-so-tough feelings head on. Otherwise they knock me down even further and getting up and getting going is that much harder. (And that isn’t even taking into account my joints or lack of flexibility these days) I don’t have time to be knocked down more than I already am, please and thank you.

I’ve got packing to do…so that I feel reassured my child is taken care of. I’ve got pictures to print…so that I feel confident I’ve set my child up in a space that feels like home. I’ve got letters to write…so that I feel satisfied that I’ve said all I want to say, mostly, “I’m so friggin’ proud of you and I love you. Have fun. I’m always here.

Also, don’t forget to return my texts or I’m showing up and will embarrass you.” I’ve got administrative crud to do…so that I feel content knowing I did my last job in this stage and my child can focus on adjusting. I’ve got moments to cherish the best I can…so that I don’t feel the weight of regret, which is a beast. I’ve got things to do so I feel the best I can in a hard situation. I don’t have time to pretend my feelings aren’t real and aren’t happening.

Ironic, right? So many people tell us to stuff our feelings and move forward. I agree with the moving forward – but not if stuff is not processed or at least seen and acknowledged. Moving forward will be a wicked workout instead of a walk in the park.

So here I am. Seeing all of you and the comments you wrote on my post about my firstborn going to college. I’m humbled by the attention the post received. As a “writer” I should be ecstatic. Want to know something? I’m not. I’m sad, heartbroken actually (and not just because of my kiddo going off to college officially, officially on Tuesday.) My post resonated for lots of reasons, but a few are because so many of us, too many of us, don’t feel fully seen -or- don’t feel fully free to express all the feels we feel -or- don’t know feel fully supported, but instead pressured to find the positive, feel better already, and just move on.

And this breaks my heart. I know how it feels to go through hard times alone. I know how it feels to have to bite one’s tongue, hold their feelings back, pretend everything is okay. I know how it feels to be misunderstood, judged, ridiculed for feeling fully. and I know how it feels to feel all the feels and wonder, how, how will I feel better and when will I feel better? It just doesn’t feel great and I wish, I wish we didn’t feel this way.

But…feeling sad happens….feeling lonely happens….feeling worried, overwhelmed, scared happens. and…feeling unsupported and misunderstood, sadly, happens.

But it doesn’t have to happen totally alone. All this to say, I see you all. I’m not joking when I say I wish I could be with you all in this moment and let you just be real. Let you feel seen.

But I can’t. Like I said, I’ve got packing to do 😉 So here’s what I’m thinking. This is what WE are all going to do, if we can.

  1. We are not going to hide. We are going to keep feeling all the feels out loud, here, so others can see and not feel alone. This will bring comfort to so many. And if we have the strength, we will reply to another comment to show love and support and to spread warmth.
  2. When we are out and about, if we see someone who has that same look we saw when we looked in the mirror this morning – maybe puffy eyes, maybe sheer exhaustion, maybe a sense of loss – we are going to share a gentle, loving smile. Maybe a tissue (lol, if we have one to spare.)
  3. We are going to keep sharing the heck out of the post in the comments (about my firstborn going to college.) Not because I want it to go viral (lol, kinda busy right now for this to happen, but my son is THRILLED) but because it is clear that people need it.

They need to know they don’t have to rush through their emotions right now. They need to know they aren’t broken. They need to know they are surrounded by others who get it. We all need each other – in person and virtually. Let’s lift each other up, the Orange Rhino style. With compassion, understanding, and real, honest to goodness, vulnerability.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are in the hard right now with me. I have so many more thoughts. They will be pouring out all week.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Perimenopause According to My 14-Year-Old: The Conversation That Made Me Cry Laughing

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I had the best laugh with my 14 year old last night and I have to share it. I am beyond sure you are all going to appreciate it.

Now, this conversation happened out of curiosity and everything was said with love, earnest, and well let’s face it pure honesty, gosh darn truth and genius. If you are in perimenopause or menopause, get ready to chuckle. A little back story.

Recently, one of my sons asked me why I cry so much lately. Another one nodded and said, “yeah mom, like seriously, what’s going on? Are you, like, all depressed or something?”

I explained to them the obvious – that I’m sad with their old brother going to college – but also that I’m going through perimenopause and a lot of physical changes are happening along with my hormones (like theirs) being all sorts of out of whack. I said this means I also cry a heck of a lot easier, sometimes I’m a little less energetic or down – not depressed, just down – and that I’m indeed a little bit snappier.

All that to say… Two nights ago, as I washed the dishes in pure silence (yes, it was beautiful and yes, I was far from complaining that I was doing it by myself, again, pure silence!) my 14 year old wandered into the kitchen. I don’t think I had been particularly moody that day or had cried a lot; at least not in front of him. I guess I was wrong. “So mom, how long does this menopause thing last?” he asked sweetly.

“Oh, I don’t know, a couple of years, I’ve heard. At least five of having full blown symptoms.” I replied. (I picked an easy, low answer. I didn’t want to, you know, scare the crap out of him)

“I see. And what exact year are you in?” He asked, again, in all seriousness.

I chuckled. “Oh sweetie, THAT IS THE BEST PART! I have no idea!! I could be in year 1, year 2, year 0 of 10. Isn’t this fun?! Oh and by the way, I’m actually in perimenopause which is the phase before menopause.” I replied, again laughing.

I didn’t take offense. What else can I do but laugh?! He looked at me and said as deadpan as can be, “Wait. So this mood of yours, like, we’re stuck with it for five more years?!”

I laughed and honestly, I really haven’t been that awful. “YEP! But I’m doing my best to manage it. Don’t forget, I’m also under extra stress with your brother heading out and running the house renovation. It’s gonna get better. Promise.”

“Uh huh. Yeah.”

As he walked away, I yelled after him, “Sweetie, don’t forget, I’m not in menopause, I’m in my METAMORPHOSIS!” The other night, this sweet child had accidentally called menopause metamorphosis when he couldn’t remember the word (he flips words around just like me.) And honestly, is that not the BEST mistake ever?!!!

Heck yes I am in a metamorphosis!!! I’m trapped inside a frigging (cold for me, hot for many of you) cocoon and transforming into a new version of me that is going to fly freer than EVER when I bust out. I’m coming out more colorful than before. I inched my way in because I wasn’t living my fully authentic self and was weighed down, but now?

Now that I am living more and more of who I want to be? And following my heart more? Oh, oh heck yes I am in a metamorphosis and transforming into the best version of myself. Bring. It. On. When Gray Happens we go there and add a splash of color to brighten it up! You know, years ago, I made a gray rhino orange. That was my first metamorphosis 😉 I decided to transform from charging when frustrated, overwhelmed, worried and well, angry to responding with warmth.

Gray–>Orange. And now, now I am more than ever paying attention to that transformation because perimenopause is indeed – as my son clearly has noticed – making me a little crankier 😉 Anywho, I hope these two little stories made you smile. They will always make me chuckle. Kids, teens, they say the darndest things. How goes your metamorphosis?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if today is feeling more inching forward than flying free.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sending a Child to College: The Excitement, Grief and Everything in Between

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Here’s the thing –> I’m a mess. I know I’m not the only one here sending a child off to college for the first time. This post isn’t just for those of us in these shoes. It’s for anyone feeling all the feels except for the one of being able to freely share that they are. Maybe I’m the only one feeling this way and if that’s the case, well, alrighty then. I don’t think it is though. I think there is a lot of subconscious messaging out there that leads people to not fully share how they are really feeling because they worry it won’t be received well, won’t be understood, will make them excluded, will make them feel broken or even more alone.

Again, maybe it’s just me and my past traumas and life experiences speaking…but I don’t think so. For whatever reason, I feel like I have to put on a brave face and pretend everything is honky dory right now, or at least mostly honky dory, as I prepare to send my firstborn off to his Freshman year. Social media is flooded with sentiments around “it will be okay” in regards to first children going off to college for the first time.

I know that, but right now? Right now, I’m not there. Right now, I have more worry than feelings of ease. I’m inundated with inspirational messages about how hard it is, but that I’ll get through it. Or there are messages of: I know how hard it is and here’s advice. These are great messages; helpful, beautiful, SPOT ON ACCURATE.

But right now? I’m full of overwhelm, doubt. My child isn’t even on campus so I can’t even think that far ahead. And also, right now? I don’t want that. I just want the messages to stop at, “It’s hard.” Or at least be followed by something along the lines of, Hey reader, I see you. I know you are feeling all sorts of feelings around your oldest child going to college for the first time. You are both excited for the fun you know they will have…but also worried that wait, maybe they won’t?

You know everyone takes a while to make new friends and really find a groove, and that it does work out…but also, what if it takes too long and turns into real homesickness? Or what if, what if they don’t find their people and it’s a repeat of high school? You know you have done your best raising them and teaching them about the ins and outs of the world, how to be street smart and book smart…but also, what happens when push comes to shove and it’s the new environment when peer pressure is a beast?

What then? You know you will both rise to the occasion, work through the challenge, and that your child will learn from it and that it is part of the experience…but also, UGH it isn’t fun, and also, what if, what if?! You know they have picked a great school, a great match for them and you feel so confident they will be taken care of…but also, gosh, darnit, you are going to miss them so much. So. Very. Very. Much.

How are you going to keep going at home for your other kiddos when you are missing one so much? You know this isn’t forever, that they will be home for breaks and summer vacations but also…you know this is a massive change in the way life looks moving forward, that this is the beginning of a major shift in the makeup of the home and vacations overall and that is hard as heck. How do vacations look in the future, especially as a divorced family?

You know it will all be okay at some point, that you will be okay through it all and also will be okay at some point…but also, but also… Can I please just feel all the feels right now and not have to feel better right now? Can I not pretend? Can I be real? Can we not say how hard and bittersweet it is, even though we know the future is also beautiful…and also bittersweet? Why do we always have to sugarcoat?!

Sometimes the best way to help someone feel better is to simply meet them where they are at and to STAY THERE in that feeling without moving them through it right then and there. I am not looking to wallow. I am not looking to stay stuck. I just need to admit that this shite is HARD and I’m feeling so many frigging emotions – and not because of perimenopause but because this transition is GARGANTUAN and it deserves the full acknowledgement as such.

I’m excited for all the experiences and friends and memories to be made…I’m sad because my buddy won’t be flashing his smile at me daily or his smirk when I make a bad mom joke; but facetime is a good replacement. I’m confident in the school and my son’s ability to figure things out…and I’m nervous for the transition, the skills that aren’t there, the challenges that I do know will happen. I’m overwhelmed because there is still much to do and I’m reassured because there is always Amazon and Target after the fact.

I’m all sorts of everything. And if you are too, I see you. I’m standing right there with you in the moment and staying there with you.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially, especially if you are feeling for whatever reason that you can’t fully express yourself or feel all the feels. I get it.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Perimenopause Brain Fog and Decision Fatigue Are a Brutal Combination

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Talk to me! My brain power is non-existent between perimenopause, focusing on my kid going to college, renovation questions etc… but I need to make a decision. Yeah, not going so well.

So I’m crowdsourcing with the best of the best – you! I’m working on updating my website (super excited for it by the way) and I need to decide on the statement/sentiment that people read first. Imagine this. You are new to the Orange Rhino (and you are also you!) Chances are you have landed on the website (or Facebook page) and are having a typical day which means maybe a wee bit overwhelming in spots, definitely a little lonely at times, and you are totally feeling the vibe that “Gray Happens.” Or maybe you are having a perfect day in which case, awesomesauce. What do you want to read to feel a little bit better?

To help you keep going and not get stuck and ruminate and go to the land of blech? BETTER SAID…you are having an eh day. You run into a friend. What do you want her to say to you to make you feel a little bit better? Do you want her to say something that is uplifting, encouraging and gives a sense of how things will be? -OR- Do you want her to say something that meets you where you are at? That makes you feel seen and understood?

-OR- A combination of both? Talk to me. What kind of message would you want to hear first and foremost? How do you want to feel when you land on The Orange Rhino? What wonderful words has a friend said to you that you wish you heard on repeat on the hard days, even the good days? I have a few months to make my dream happen or I am heading to an office job…which isn’t the end of the world but I would so much rather make this place my job!

Thank you, as always. I know this isn’t a typical post, but it’s where I am. STUCK and lacking brain power and unable to make a decision. Pretty sure that is relatable. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if you too are feeling stuck today and out of brain power!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Burnout and Life Audits: What I’m Reassessing Before a Big Transition

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I recently read an article about being burned out and well, that hit a nerve. I have absolutely, positively, no idea why. Shortly after I realized the month was coming to an end and as has been the case every month, a word came to me clear as day: AUDIT. I need to do an audit of my life. I need to step back and assess my life a bit – my actions, my choices, my everything.

So I give you… AU-dit-GUST. It’s a big month for me. My oldest goes to college in two weeks and I’m not ready. Maybe it’s by design. You know, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about how I really feel. If I did, I would be paralyzed in sadness or overwhelm. Just last night it hit me real hard and the fear came in and knocked me over…

Have I taught him enough? Is he ready for all the peer pressure that comes with parties and this and that? How will he handle the workload? How will this and that and that and this? Did I do enough? Did I do a good enough job? Do I have enough time to do more? Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.

But I have to ask myself, truly, honestly…why am I here? Why am I panicking – besides this is probably normal for first time moms? Well… My gut knows that I didn’t manage my priorities well this summer. That I procrastinated out of overwhelm, fear, and more. My gut knows that I am not doing well with my ADHD and figuring out how to work with it, especially as perimenopause makes it a heck of a lot harder. My gut knows that I am not doing a great job taking care of myself; that I haven’t been eating well, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, or exercising – all things that help me feel well, be well and do well.

And by my gut, what I really mean, is I know. I don’t write this to be negative or self-critical. It’s the opposite. It’s actually self-love in a way. My self-reflection, my honesty with myself, will help me move forward to a place I’d rather be. Not being honest with myself, that’s not love. That would just keep me stuck and feeling heavy. I want to feel light, buoyant, and as balanced as possible. I want to feel as present as possible.

So I need to AU-dit-GUST to see where the obstacles are holding me back. Where can I subtract? Where can I add? Where can I keep things the same? Where can I ask for help? Where can I be more honest with myself? Where can I let go? One thing that I am considering, as you noticed, is writing a little less here this month so that I can really, truly focus on this big transition in my life. It’s hard for me to do this.

It means I will take a hit with Facebook sharing with all of you and I will have to bust my tuckus to get it back. It means while I will feel good about focusing more in one area of my life, I will feel a little unsure about another area. It means I will get out of habit which is hard for me as getting back into habits is always a challenge. It means being uncomfortable. Sometimes discomfort is needed for growth so I am going to accept being uncomfortable.

And besides, my first few days of AU-dit-GUST clearly gave me the decision to take a step back from writing and I think it is the right one for now. We’ll see. Life ebbs and flows. I think we all know that on August 20th (after drop off) I’m gonna be a mess and need to write about it 😉 What about you? Do you need an AU-dit-GUST as you prepare for back to school or the wrapping up of summer and the start of fall? Are you feeling a little misaligned and needing to do a reboot to feel a little lighter?

OR is your AU-dit-GUST leaving you feeling great? And remember, just because we self reflect and see growth, it doesn’t have to be negative. It can be done with compassion and excitement – and it should be done that way;) Off to breakfast as I am in a different city…again.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you totally get this and are feeling you need an AU-dit-GUST like now. Do you want me to post some questions daily? That is easy for me to do…lol…I think.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino