Tag Archives: Work

When You “Should” Feel Joyful but You Just Feel Flat

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Truth time. I *should* be full of joy. I have so many reasons to be. Truly. More reasons than usual actually. And yet, I’m feeling a wee bit flat. I was rocking and rolling until last Thursday morning when the wind got knocked out of me, metaphorically speaking. Since then, it’s been a battle to re-energize myself for long periods of time. The good moments come, I laugh, I smile, I feel the joy and then I go flat again.

Actually, if I’m going to be honest, ever since Thanksgiving it’s been a battle. The holiday season can be tough, especially as a single mom. I try to pretend it isn’t. I try to pretend that all the magic of the season makes it okay, but the truth is, it can be tough.

But the last week has made it extra tough and I’m feeling blech galore. (AND there is an uplifting morale of the post here, have no fear.) I got my 48 hour seizure test results back Wednesday night. As expected, I’m not having seizures. No surprise. What wasn’t expected?

Well, that I would have to fight to get a disc of the video recordings from the test. You see, I’ve been trying for years, at least four, probably five, to capture my symptoms on video so that I can get an actual diagnosis and thus actual help. It’s been like catching a leprechaun. Impossible! Out of the blue, all of a sudden, my body spasms. Big time. Arms, legs, neck.

And it hurts. Like whiplash level hurts. This recent test actually caught five episodes. FIVE. And the office is fighting to give me, ME, the person in the videos, access to the data. Don’t get me started.

I’m exhausted.
I’ve been fighting for years.
I’ve been fighting to be seen as an individual.
I’ve been fighting to be heard, really heard.
I’ve been fighting to be taken seriously, to not be judged as just having anxiety.
I’ve been fighting to be believed.
I’ve been fighting to be helped.

I’m this close and yet a new battle has arisen. One that shouldn’t exist. Did I mention I’m exhausted? I just want to quit the fight and accept that I will have to deal with these symptoms. I feel so defeated. And angry. And did I mention, tired? And yet, and yet, I won’t stop. I won’t quit.

When I got the call back Thursday that “they weren’t able to make the disc” because bs reason, bs reason, bs reason, I didn’t call back. It would have been the third call that day. I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t have it in me to stay patient. To stay kind. To stay rational. And so, I’m resting. I’m rebuilding my reservoir of kindness and patience.

When I call back, I want to have a productive phone call. I want to be able to have a good chance of getting people to want to work with me, instead of not wanting to help me at all. I’m still not rested enough, or removed enough from my absolute frustration.

And it doesn’t help that this holiday can be lonely and exhausting. The feelings of the season match the health situation. I want to quit a lot there too 🙂 My kids didn’t want to help with the tree to the extent they usually do so I wanted to say forgettabout it.

But I didn’t. I just waited until they were ready. I’m creating a lot of my own holiday energy and magic and it’s hard. It makes me want to say I quit this season and yet… I won’t stop trying to create joy. I won’t quit the holiday. I won’t give up on what matters to me. But I will allow myself to feel what I’m feeling so I can help it pass through my system.

So I can shake it out – spasm it out as my body likes to do, hurt it all;) So that I can find my way back to more joyful feelings. (Well at least for longer period of time!!!) What about you? How are you doing this time of year that can be demanding, exhausting and tough for oh so many reasons?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are fighting something, anything, and are finding it hard to keep the energy going.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

ADHD and Planners: Why I Finally Stopped Buying the Promise of Organization

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Raise your hand if like me, you may or may not have a wee bit of a problem with planners? You know, those cute paper things with dates inside that are generally spiral bound?

Well, I gotta share a win with you because you all are the best place to share wins with. I, Sheila, went into Staples this week and the end cap with all of the brand new 2025 planners called to me and I didn’t buy one! All the new designs with promises of organization, habits formed, water consumed, mindsets shifted, called to me louder and louder. I thought it would be rude if I didn’t at least say hello, so I did.

I went over and flipped through them to see what new feature Blue Sky had come out with for 2025 to help me get my life in order. I started getting excited. Visions of finally having a to-do list system in place came to me. Maybe I would be just as organized as I was in elementary school? Maybe I would finally use all the pages in my planner again like I did in college? Maybe I would diligently write things down and cross them off like I did when I worked pre-kids?

OH THE PROMISE a new planner brings! And then I stopped. “Girl, these planners are gorgeous. Oh so gorgeous AND you know you will not use them. It is a waste of your money. Your mind, your wonderful ADHD mind no longer functions best with these planners. Put it down, say goodbye, and slowly back away from the end cap.” AND I DID! For real, so excited! I know, it’s silly.

But seriously, do you know how many hundreds of dollars I have spent on planners that I’ve never used?! Too many to count. The planners just sit on my desk and honestly, make me feel bad about myself. They remind me how much I struggle to find a system that works for where my brain is today, where I am today. Years ago, in school and at work, my “project list” and “responsibilities list” were wayyyy shorter. Using a planner worked with my ADHD brain.

Today, it just doesn’t. I have tried and tried and tried to make it work, but I just get frustrated that yet again, I can’t find a system I so desperately, desperately need. I accept that I have ADHD. I accept that my brain works differently. I (mostly) accept that I am a single mom. I (mostly) accept that the demands on me are more than other moms and so my list is a little longer. I accept that I have anxiety. I accept that I can overthink my to-do lists and create more items than other people.

I accept that I have sensory processing disorder. I accept I have more items on my to-do list as a result because my physical environment really impacts my well being. AND ALSO I still find myself sometimes wishing that I could just use a planner as effectively as others so that I could manage all of the extra items that come from the above, a little more productively. I still find myself sometimes longing for the days when I was productive and could work around my ADHD because the demands on me were so much less.

But I can’t go back in time and I can’t get the current planners to work for me, and I’ve tried lots of them. I haven’t lost hope though! I’m creating my own system. I’m researching and teaching myself what works for my brain. It’s trial and error and trial and error. I’ll find something. I know I will. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday. Make sure to celebrate a win or two of your own – feel free to even share here.

I’d love to celebrate you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are working through your own challenge and making progress. I see you!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How Tuning Into My Teen’s Needs Led to the Conversation I’d Been Waiting For

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It happened…but it almost didn’t, because of me. I’m so glad I woke up and tuned into my teenager’s needs. Last night, I had a forty minute adult conversation with my teenager. Like a legit, adult to adult chat about important things. Really, really important things. I’ve been waiting for this exact conversation to happen for a couple of years.

And it was great and wonderful and all the things I’ve dreamed it to be. The questions he asked were thoughtful. The statements made were insightful, beyond insightful. The conclusions were spot on.

And then…and then… I started nodding off 🙁 ARGH! I so wanted to stay awake. To keep my son talking, to keep the conversation that I had longed for, going. But I couldn’t stay awake. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was exhausted. (And you know because of course it was past 9:00!)

 But you know what? I still savored every word my teenager said. Especially the, “hey mom, you look really tired. I think you need to go to bed. We can talk more tomorrow. You need to sleep. I love you.” And with that, just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended.

But the conversation almost didn’t start…because I was so exhausted. He had come into my office where I was seeking quiet. He chitter-chattered away and I reactively replied, “hey buddy, I just need a minute. I just got back from back to school night and I’ve been up since 5 and had a loooong day.” Not going to lie, I was hoping he would take the hint. I didn’t have it in me to actively listen.

I was more than physically tired. I was emotionally tired. It had been a day. It’s been a couple of weeks. I’m so glad he didn’t take my hint though. He kept chatting.

So I took his hint that I had missed. He wanted to connect. No, he needed to connect. I got up and said, “Let’s go talk in the family room.” The rest is history. Last night was the beginning of a new chapter for my son and me. It was the beginning of a new chapter for him.

And it almost didn’t happen. You know what made it happen? The Orange Rhino Challenge and The Orange Rhino 2.0

The Orange Rhino Challenge taught me to yell less which helped me become responsive instead of reactive. Without it, I totally would have been snappy at him when he wouldn’t stop talking and he might have shut down and said, “You know what, forget it” and walked away. 98% chance of that. The Orange Rhino 2.0 (that’s the season I’m in now, don’t have a new name yet) is reminding me to create and live a brighter, lighter life so that I have the energy to remain responsive even as I face life’s daily challenges.

I’m more grateful than ever for The Orange Rhino this morning. The little logo that could;) I’m so glad it stayed with me all these years and encouraged me to keep going, to be warm, to remain chill. Seriously. And I’m so grateful you all have stayed with me and given me a place to write, to be, to think, to grow. Last night also happened because of the community you offer. THANK YOU. Just thank you. Last night was a gift that happened because of The Orange Rhino.

Call it cheesy, call it whatever. I call it amazing.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are holding onto hope for the day you have that “one” conversation with someone dear to you, that one where they finally get it. I hope it happens soon.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You’re Smiling and Crying at the Same Time: Both Feelings Can Be Real

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Look closely at this picture. What do you see? Do you see the tear rolling down my face? Do you also see the smile? I don’t share this picture for pity. I share it because it tells a VERY important point. I hope you take a moment to read it. It might just help your adult relationships and your kiddos. One time in couples therapy, years ago, my ex and I were told that when you don’t clearly communicate your feelings, but let your faces and bodies and actions do silent “talking,” that the other person “fills in the blanks” with their own answers as to what’s going on.

Oftentimes, but not always, the answers we create aren’t the truth. Oftentimes, the answers we tell ourselves create anxiety, fear, stress, sadness. The same story goes for our kids.

They see when we are in pain.
They see when we are sad.
They see when we are angry.
They see when we are stressed.

When we don’t communicate why – in an age appropriate, parent/child appropriate way, they fill in the blanks in the story. This happened to me yesterday. My ever so intuitive son called for me to pick him up from somewhere. He heard from the voice, just my voice, not even my face. “Are you okay mom?” Ooof.

I had tried so hard to collect myself and put on a happy, chipper voice to answer the phone. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to hide my feelings. But oh, they know when we are off. They know. “Yep! On my way.” WRONG answer. Here’s why.

The next five minutes he went through all the questions that he peppered me with when I got in the car: “Mom, did someone die?” he asked. “Nope. Everyone is okay sweetie.” I was in too much of a yuck state to even pretend I didn’t know why he asked. I knew I would need to come clean.

But first I wanted him to share what was on his mind. I let him continue. “Oh. But you aren’t okay. DON’T LIE. Are you sad because I didn’t say thank you for the ride before? Are you angry because I’m running late? Mom, are you stressed out from us kids? You didn’t sound right on the phone and well, your eyes are glassy and you have a tear on your face.” Whoa. He immediately assumed HE was the source of my pain and it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

And he thought I lied to him. No good. And whoa. They see us. They see our pain. I had tried to hide it from him, to protect him but all that did was hurt him. And lose a little trust in the process. Again, no good. Sharing big adult feelings with kids is a tricky thing. It’s a fine line like all parenting is…fun times, amirite?

But it is sooo important to give some clue to our kids when we feel off that it’s about US and not them so that they don’t tell themselves internal stories that they’re the problem. Besides, they need to know we are okayish. They need to know that even if we are in pain, that even if we are sad, angry, frustrated, stressed, whatever…that we will be okay. That we have a plan to get through the big emotion to the other side.

Not only does this “knowing” give them the necessary reassurance that we, their safe place, is secure BUT also, more so… It shows them that when they have the same big emotions they too will be okay. That they too don’t have to hide them. That they can feel them, express them, and work through them. That they don’t have to try and stop the tears and put on a happy face. Just some light thoughts for a Tuesday morning.

And don’t worry. I’m okay. Promise. I have plans. And they are BIG. GIGANTIC. HUGE. Wanna know? Drumroll please. I’m taking baby steps, one at a time, forward;) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are both crying on the inside, and smiling on the outside. I feel ya;)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Make the Plans: Why Time With Friends Is Worth Prioritizing

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Okay, I normally don’t directly give advice because I firmly believe that within each of us, we know what we need and what is best for us and that the last thing we truly need is more advice. BUT, today, today I am giving you direct advice. More than advice actually. I am boldly telling you what to do.

Because I love ya 😉 I want you to read this post and then immediately take action to make plans with a friend or friends within the next week or sooner. I also don’t like to write just do it but…just do it!

Yesterday, I had so many positive interactions with friends that today I am overflowing with positive energy, strength, determination, courage and yes, even hope. And honestly, I just feel better. I feel renewed. Refreshed. I feel human. I feel alive. These are some needed and overdue feelings from these past weeks of back to school go-go-go.

Yesterday, I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I laughed so hard I *almost* peed in my pants. I can not remember the last time any of this happened. Oh, oh how I missed this kind of connection. The kind of connection where I smiled so wide that my heart cried. It happily cried from being understood, from being accepted, from being validated.

My heart happily cried from not feeling *weird* or different or *broken.*

My heart happily cried from rejoicing that it, that I, wasn’t alone, that my feelings were shared by others, that I could share with others without being judged.

My friends (that’s you all!) I know we all crave and so very much need connection.I look forward to the day when we get together and laugh as we share stories from our days and cry from sharing other stories.

But until then, I encourage you, I tell you, to reach out to one person and meet with them in person this week. You will feel soooo much better from it. I know we are busy and sometimes hesitant or even afraid to make plans. I know for many of us, placing the call, writing the text, making the plans, will take effort and maybe even feel uncomfortable after all these months or years.

But I also know that the comfort that will come after the little get together will be worth it. Beyond worth it. I almost didn’t have the chit chats I had yesterday. I was too busy. Too worried to share. Too uncomfortable. Too afraid to be rejected. I am so glad that I decided to be uncomfortable and to go there.

Because the comfort I found in the discomfort has me floating today. Happy Saturday to my Orange Rhino friends. I am grateful for you just as much as I am grateful for the local gals in my life.

Sending my warmth to go with the strength I know you have, today and always, and especially if you too sometimes crave more in person connection and struggle to make it happen…but will this week;) hint hint (not subtle at all)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Seven Things I’m Working On to Build a Life I Actually Want to Live

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Day 4 // Just a refresher…I’m taking some time with my boys for a few days, 7 to be exact. I’m trying to get in some last minute summer memories before the chaos of school starts. I decided to try planned posts for the first time to help me focus on being “away.” I looked at a bunch of pictures I recently took and the stories behind them to see if there was a theme,and lo and behold, yep. The theme is not surprising at all: 7 goals I have to help me live the life I’ve longed to live.

One big goal? I want to be more courageous; live with less fear, more confidence. In my eyes, Rhinos are courageous and confident. They aren’t afraid to charge when needed. I too, want to go after what I want more, to be less afraid. I’ve known for most of my life that I’ve avoided things out of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of succeeding. Fear of being teased. Fear of this, fear of that.

Shortly before returning I realized in therapy how tired I was of living a life in fear.
How tired I was of keeping my opinions to myself.
Of not standing up for myself just to keep the peace.
Of not believing in myself like I used to.
Of not going after my dreams, just because…of fear.
Of how tired I was of HOLDING MYSELF BACK.

I wanted, want, to be more courageous and have thicker skin (like a Rhino.) I wanted (want) to learn how to take things less personally; to let things roll off my back more. Returning to The Orange Rhino was the start of this.

It was the start of facing fears and overcoming them. I’ve made progress on the more courageous, more confident, less afraid front, but have ways to go. That’s okay. Baby steps. I mean these posts? They are taking courage 😉 They are new and different for me. Stepping out of my normal zone lol. And not sure if they are working, but I’m still trying.

As for these roses, it was a risk and it’s working. I re-planted them at the start of the summer. Two professional landscapers told my fiancé and I not to. “Roses are sensitive. Don’t move them. They won’t survive.” (Such an easy statement for me to identify with since people tell me all the time I’m too sensitive!) The problem with that statement? I wasn’t happy where the roses were. The garden area wasn’t entirely bringing me the joy or peace I hoped for. I wanted to take the risk, make the change and move the roses.

My fiancé and I did the research, re-planted the roses and now, just look at these beauties! They’re blooming and blooming and blooming. And absolutely gorgeous! I see these roses everyday now and I see “thick skin” and having the courage to grow in new places 😉 And I’m reminded of my taking the risk of doing something that might have totally failed.

But roses don’t bloom all year here. Orange Rhinos do though;) Do you consider yourself courageous? Or do you too wish you were a little bit more so? Or maybe you consider yourself courageous but, is there one area where you wish you were a little bit more so? Do tell!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are working up the courage to do something hard and important to you.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Family Meals Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Matter

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I had an epiphany this week. Nothing totally earth shattering. Probably nothing you haven’t thought of before or even myself for that matter. But it left me feeling so much lighter, especially going into the summer when my desire to make meals will be cut 100% 😉

With all the end of the year go-go-go we haven’t had any real, “solid” home cooked meals in a while. I just haven’t had it in me to do the weekly meal plan and big grocery shop. It’s been – what do I have? Great! That’s for dinner! We have nothing? Okay, quick trip to the store for bare essentials and easy meals. It’s been a lot of pasta, tortellini, breakfast for dinner, tacos, hot dogs, yada yada. And yes, pizza and take out. Stay with me. Epiphany, remember?

I haven’t cooked any of their favorite, more time intensive meals: chicken parmesan, hibachi chicken with fried rice, manicotti, chicken fajitas, homemade chicken fingers, and on and on. And vegetables? Well that’s been carrots, if I remember.

Tuesday I headed out with one son to his volleyball banquet. Because I hadn’t planned ahead, there was no lasagna to heat up or leftover bbq chicken to put on a sandwich, so it was pizza, again. Oh how the guilt started to roll in, all on its own.

And then one kiddo, because kids are simply just awesome like this, “Mom, when are you going to make a homemade meal again?!” And more guilt! Then another son, shhhh’d him and tried to whisper, but epically failed and said, “Dude, be quiet. I love pizza and take out. This has been great!”

I kinda agreed with him. The lack of meal planning, hour long grocery shops, dishes, complaints over meals, and cleaning the kitchen? Oh, oh, how great it had been. The cost? Not so much. The guilt? Also, not so much.

On my walk the next morning, my epiphany rescued me from my guilt. I have very, very few memories of home cooked nightly meals growing up. Here’s what I do remember:

~ One night a week, waffles, scrambled eggs and peas, my favorite meal
~ One night a week, Kraft macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, always a winner, especially with extra butter
~ A salad plate with two pieces of lettuce, two carrots, a cucumber slice, and some tomatoes with every non-breakfast for dinner meal, my mom’s attempt to get us to eat vegetables
~ TV Dinners (turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy!)
~Pizza every Friday night.
~Saturday morning breakfast at McDonald’s with my dad.
~Christmas morning breakfast of eggs, bagels, and grapefruit.
~Lasagna just for me on Thanksgiving because I didn’t like turkey.
~Cereal (mostly Cheerio’s or Rice Krispie’s) when still hungry.

What’s not here? Elaborate, homemade meals every night.

Maybe this was because I was a picky eater, and I didn’t like a lot of meals my mom made

-OR- Maybe it’s because depending on the stage of my life, my mom was either getting a Master’s degree, working, prioritizing herself, or taking care of a family member in need

-OR- Maybe it’s because there wasn’t enough time given our busy schedule

-OR- Maybe it’s because it wasn’t a value of my mom and dad’s Who knows.

But what this memory made me realize, is that what mattered, is that there was food. I was nourished. And an adult, either my mom or my dad or my really cool babysitter, was always there for dinner with me, until my later years in high school.

Dinner wasn’t fancy. Dinner was an act of love. It was a sign that my mom, even in her busy schedule, made sure:

that I was taken care of (and my dad on Friday nights and Saturday mornings.)
that food was available and on the table.
that holidays were special.
that I had what I needed to grow, to be strong enough to swim two hours, to stay up late studying, to do everything I wanted to do as a busy kid, always pursuing a new project, a new club, a new activity, a new idea.

This memory about my childhood snapped me out of feeling guilty about my lack of meal planning and homemade meal cooking. It gave me more permission than ever to make meals that are simple.

Where and when I got this notion that every night I had to make complex meals I don’t know. (Actually, I just realized where it came from..I needed to prove to myself that I can cook because someone once told me I was a lousy cook. Well I’m done with that limiting belief. Buh-BYE!) My kids are nourished, by food and love, and their favorite home-cooked meals when we have time and when I have the energy.

Turns out, the night of my epiphany, we had both. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed making dinner that night. We had meat, potatoes, biscuits and broccoli, a meal requested by my youngest. It came more from a place of love than ever and didn’t feel like a chore or obligation. I hope this epiphany isn’t new to you;) and if it is, I hope you are feeling lighter like I am.

Either way, this epiphany goes beyond cooking. It can be applied to probably any area where we feel we are falling a little short. Our love is nourishment. Showing up as parents, being supportive, creating traditions and memories, is nourishment.

This is what matters. Not how complex or perfect we made things. Sending all my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially as we go into the summer months when there are *SO MANY* expectations out there to hit summer bucket lists. Your presence is a lot. Remember that.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 


*another unedited, stream of consciousness post, showing my reflections of whatever random thought is on my mind or whatever challenge I can currently process so that I can move through it instead of staying stuck AND YES!

I had to take the pizza boxes out of the recycling for a photo because get this…they made it there before I had to ask;) in other words before I could take a picture!

“You Have to Live to Live”: Why New Experiences Make Me Feel More Alive

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“You have to live, to live.” ~ The Orange Rhino® (or, if someone said it well before me and I just don’t know, then well, them.)

For some reason, this saying has been on repeat in my mind since the Superbowl. As I watched the commercials, my brain began churning, thinking about consumer behavior and the geniuses behind several concepts. I began to feel a little more excited and energized than earlier in the day. I distinctly remember thinking, “You have to live, to live.” How did I remember this?

Well simple, I wrote it down on a post it note. I remember writing it and thinking, well duh. But I also remember thinking, “well clearly you are writing it down because it impacted you so maybe not so duh.” Yes, I didn’t want to forget the saying, what it meant to me, and how I felt in that moment.

What it meant? Girl, you have to get out and do things, new things; things you love, things you miss; things that wake up your brain; things that make you grow, reflect; things out of the ordinary, mundane, everyday routine.

You need to live your life, not just go through it. And when you live it, actually live it by doing things in it – then you will find that you are actually, actively, living.

How I felt? ALIVE. Really, alive.

And it felt awesome. I felt energized. Joyful. Peaceful. Uplifted. Excited.

I felt the same way – and remember that saying – when I read a book a month or so on a quick vacation. The book had new ideas for self growth that got me thinking instead of just going along with status-quo about my life. I felt energized, hopeful, ready to try some new things.

I felt alive this past week when I stayed in a hotel for just one night with my son. Just one night, two hours from our home. We arrived and I had so much energy from being in a new place and from having just had dinner in a new type of pizza place.

I felt alive the next day, when we went exploring and had breakfast at this cute place and the walls reminded us to “start each day as if it were our birthday.” Yes! Start each day with joy and the extra pep in your step that *usually* comes with a birthday.

I felt alive just yesterday when I made myself put the monotonous house chores aside so that I could enjoy the rare, beautiful 80 degree day. We went shopping for some new plants and I researched different peonies and grasses. I then planted while listening to the birds.

And I felt alive last week when I chatted with the lady at CVS (see post from Saturday morning.) Anytime I have a random, kind interaction with a stranger or share a compliment, I feel alive. I want to live more. I want to be more intentional with my time. It is so, so easy to get into a standard routine. To not take breaks. To not nourish our minds or bodies with things we love or even new experiences. To just go about our days, quasi-really living, quasi just going through the motions.

I know. I do the quasi-really living a lot. Way more than I like. But everytime I really live, everytime I do something beyond the daily motions, I ask myself, why are you not doing this more? Why do you let yourself slip into the routine? It’s a great question.

But the bigger, perhaps better question, and easier to answer, is… What will I do today to feel like I really lived? To feel alive? To feel excited? To feel like I used the day well? What will you do? Just some Monday morning deep thoughts for ya;) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

oxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Dance Like No One Is Watching: What Kids Teach Us About Letting Go

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Oh, to dance like no one is watching….

My twelve year old watched as his brother’s team started to lose against the number one competitor in their league. “What’s happening to them?” He asked. “They were winning by so many points! Can we go?!”

“I thought you wanted to watch?” I asked.

“Yeah, but this stinks. They’re losing, it’s not as fun.” He said.

“Well, not yet.” I said. “Give them a chance. Besides, if you want to play, there’s so much to learn right now that has nothing to do with how to actually pass a ball.”

“Like what?” my son said all snarkily…well, trying to sound snarky but actually, really, genuinely interested.

“Well…so much of volleyball is about more than physical skill. A lot of sports are like that. It’s about mindset. It’s about cheering each other on and picking each other up when the team is down after a lost point. It’s also about cheering each other on to keep the mood up, the momentum going.”

“Huh?” He said. But clearly not tuning me out…yet lol.

“Volleyball is a fast game. It’s easy to lose a point. It’s easy to score a point. It’s easy to get cocky and arrogant and then make mistakes…AND it’s easy to get down and doubtful and make mistakes. AND, it’s easy with the right attitude, to get positive and determined and make an insane play BUT to do so… You have to be able to get your head back into the game and be level headed after every single point.

You’ve got to believe in yourself, in your ability, in your team, the entire game. The moment you don’t, you start to lose points.” I wanted to add, “you know, like life” but decided to save that pep talk for another day. I continued. “See how the number (whatever it was) just rolled his shoulders back and then shook his body? He’s relieving stress to get back to a chill mindset. And see how the other kid is talking to himself?”

“Yeah, I thought that looked kinda funny to be honest.”

“Well, he’s pumping himself up, telling himself to shake it off, it’s just one point.

They’ve got this. Talking to yourself is a major sport skill and life skill.”

And with that…his brother’s team lost another point as the serve went into the net. Bummer. It happens – even with a good mental mindset 😉 Once again, no one on the team tried to pick each other up. They kept to themselves when they really needed each other. Another serve. It went over, but alas, another insane spike came right back at them. And another point against them was scored.

“So mom, shouldn’t they be talking to each other right now? Cheering each other on or something?! Like the varsity team did?” He asked.

“Yes! Exactly! The Varsity does better when they encourage each other, the JV team does better when they encourage each other. When you’re on the team, be the leader. Be the one to bring your teammates back together after each point. It’s so important to have that positive energy. It can make or break a game. Literally.”

And then my son’s team had an amazing play and FINALLY came together, rallied together, and high fived (politely, in a good sportsmanship type of way). Their energy collectively lifted and started scoring point after point after point…to win the game.

Everyone does better when encouraged, when lifted up. There can be no shortage of encouragement in this world. And everyone benefits from shared positive energy. Negative energy, like what they were sharing on the court before, has no upside. There is literally no point to it. (See what I did there lol?!) I used to have more of the more negative energy vibe than realistic positive energy vibe. As a result, I missed out on a lot of good feelings. It wasn’t my fault per say, I just didn’t know better.

I didn’t know how to quickly get out of the negative vibe.

I didn’t know how to roll my shoulders back and shake things off, like really shake them off and let them go.

I didn’t know how to talk to myself in a way that I would listen, in a way that I would not listen to the very loud negative voices.

I didn’t know how to focus on putting my effort into what mattered in that moment, “winning the next point, not over analyzing the lost point.”

I didn’t know how to go point by point by point; I just thought of either winning or losing whatever challenges I faced.

That approach made things harder. It made everything feel more negative. But I’m learning. Day by day. Mistake by Mistake. Win by Win.

Because the truth is, I’m determined as heck to learn. That negative vibe that hung around me for way longer than I liked? Well, it kinda sucked to be honest. I accepted it because it was how my life was for so long BUT NOW? Now that I know better? That I’ve experienced a life with more moments of real positivity (as opposed to toxic positivity) well, I’m not keen to welcome it back. I mean, it can come, and it will. It is NORMAL and okay. BUT, for a short visit, you know? Like my son’s game. Just for a few points.

And then I want to have the skills to rally again to a better vibe where my energy is a little more upbeat. Where I smile and jump and high five and laugh and well, dance like no one is watching. Like my son did at his game.

Except my dear son…we were all watching and we all thought it was adorable. (I love you kiddo. Dance on. You bring me so much joy. Also, kudos to you. I wouldn’t be able to do that and not worry about what people think. You inspire me!)

What can you let go of today so that you might find yourself dancing like no one is watching? What can you shake off today so you feel a little lighter, light enough to jump and high five? Getting to a better place – a place with less negative energy – takes effort, for sure.

But it is totally worth it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila


🧡The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post with my perspectives and ponderings about life and the possibilities that await (thanks Beth!)

What an Eclipse Taught Me About Connection and Being Present

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For me, the coolest part about the eclipse…wasn’t the eclipse. It was what the event achieved in totality. (See what I did there lol?) The eclipse brought people together.

Generations.
Families.
Teachers.
Students.
Strangers.

It got people outside, off their phones, to open spaces where they sat on benches, picnic blankets, beach chairs and just waited, patiently without urgency. It (mostly) put errands on pause, work on pause, appointments on pause. It gave people something positive to talk about, something scientific, artistic, beautiful, fascinating.

The total eclipse didn’t just create a direct connection between the sun and the moon, it helped create a connection between people. And my gosh, we all need more moments like yesterday. More positive interactions with people that bring us together, help us to pause, to slow down, to find common ground – with people we know, and don’t.

Just look at social media and all the genuine, happy, photos. You can see the relaxation, the joy. You can feel it radiating off the screen. I saw it and felt it everywhere.

On our local village green.

In front of our library where people gathered around a telescope.

When two little kids greeted their dad as he exited the train station and handed him eclipse glasses and one exclaimed, “you’ll see the moon!”

I myself, had a beautiful interaction with a stranger. I had just hopped out of my car at my son’s physical therapy appointment. I had been taking pictures from my window

“Did you actually get any good ones?” He asked.

“I did! I put the lens from the eclipse glasses on my camera and that helped. Here check these out!”

And then we looked at them together. It was awesome. It took an ordinary moment I would have otherwise shared by no one and made it a little more extraordinary.

And then I went into my son’s appointment and shared the pictures with my son, his therapist and another older gentleman and we all connected over the eclipse and the good ‘ole iPhone vs my Samsung debate! I didn’t get to enjoy the eclipse with all my kids which was a total bummer. They did get to watch it at school though (thank you school for providing glasses for everyone and taking the kids outside!) But we did talk about it…and we did all at least have our connection moment when we attempted to stay up late to watch UConn totally win the title…again. (Yep, UConn basketball family here.)

I gotta be honest. Going into the eclipse, I was all, “what’s the hype. Is it over yet?” Now that it’s over, I gotta say, “Yes, it was beautiful, cool and fun to watch and worth the hype.” Not just because it brought people together, but because it reminded me to slow down and enjoy the bright, warm moments that are happening around me, in spite of the darker ones.

I was going to skip out on the whole eclipse thing. I’m so glad that I didn’t. It was just the heartwarming experience my heart needed. It was a total eclipse of the heart;) (sorry, not sorry, couldn’t resist) and the energy the entire experience gave off, set me up for a nice night with my family. And we needed it.

We all need connection. Genuine connection. It helps us endure the harder times. What will you do today to connect with others? Doesn’t have to be big. It can simply be having a conversation with the barista, complimenting someone on their outfit and sharing joy over spring clothes, or calling a friend.

Or chat with me! Link to set up a call with me in the comments! I have a few openings in the next week to talk for 15 minutes or so. I miss talking with you all. Those chit-chats were the bright spots of my week! Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino