Tag Archives: Community

Doing the Scary Thing Anyway: What I’m Learning About Confidence

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***Am I really going to press post?! Yep. It’s April and April is for being audacious…in a positive way. Here goes nothing!***

So, I did a thing recently and last night, oh last night I was starting to question myself…big time. Discomfort rolled in and rolled over me. Self-doubt tried to flatten me.

And then, then I remembered what I wrote earlier in the day – my word of the month for April: AUDACIOUS. Ladies, let’s be AUDACIOUS this month. Yep, I want people to say “the audacity of her!” I want ME to say, “the audacity of you! GO YOU!” And so, so I share this message with this picture. I haven’t shared it because I was embarrassed by it. It feels too, well, not me, right? Too glamorous. It’s bold. It’s courageous to share it.

It’s out of my comfort zone. And so, so I share it with you all as a first step in being a little more audacious this month…

Now to post before I don’t – and then to come back and explain more;) Okay, it’s posted and I’m back. So the thing I did? I joined a group of women to support each other in building our companies. I’ve fully accepted I can’t do it alone. I need the mental, intellectual and communal support. There is nothing better than being surrounded by people who get you, fully see you, and lift you up. Asking people who don’t get you, your dreams, your challenges, for support can be defeating, soul-sucking and create more obstacles to growth.

Been there. Done that. Rinsed and repeated. No More. The bold part? The group I joined is a bunch of women way, and I mean, way younger than me. Hotter than me too. Like, these ladies, no kids yet. Youth is on their side. Energy is on their side. Time is on their side. I am intimidated by them for all those reasons. I don’t fit it. AT ALL. This scared me at first. I almost didn’t say yes.

And then I realized…I could learn so much from what I am afraid of. I could gain so much from their energy, their youthfulness, their knowledge. There is a saying, that I will now destroy lol, that you are a sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. There is so much truth to it. More loosely, who you surround yourself with – their mindset, their energy, their attitudes, their outlooks etc.. – they are indeed, and scientifically proven, contagious.

Choose wisely. Choose BOLDLY. Make choices that will brighten your day, lift your spirits, help you not just chase your dreams, but get you closer to your dreams. Make choices that will leave you feeling lighter at the end of the day, not heavier. Make choices that will help you break through any and all obstacles you face so that you can live the life you want, you need, you deserve. It’s April. Be Audacious. Be Bold.

Be Courageous. Be Bright. Feel lighter as a result.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you aren’t feeling it today. Your strength lies within you every day, some days more so than others.

But everyday, everyday it is there, growing or re-building. I believe in you. I believe in all of us.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Never Underestimate the Power of a Small Act of Kindness

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PSA: Never underestimate the power of an act of kindness. Ever. Also, controversial post coming. Kinda. For some it is, for me, it is so far from it.

My day started out pretty rough yesterday, hence no post. I will share about it tomorrow when I am one more day removed from it.

Today I will share what helped me come out of the gray patch. **** It was 5:15am and tears were running down my face. I tried my hardest to recover. To pull myself out of, well, some pretty cruddy, self-defeating, do me no good feelings. The struggle was real and I wasn’t winning. I called my mom to share one thousand different thoughts about all sorts of things and she said to me, “Well, you know what The Orange Rhino would say, right?” I knew where she was going.

My mom is wayyy more overly positive than I am. I am more realist than she is. Yes, yes I am an optimist. Yes, yes I look for the positive, for the bright spots. Absolutely, positive-friggin-lutely. (Yes, yes I also have a wee bit of a sailor’s mouth, sorry!) However, I also, unapologetically, believe that it is 1000% okay to admit to and fully feel the feels FIRST before seeing the positive, before being an optimist.

In fact, I emphatically believe it is necessary. And I told my mom that. “MOM. NO. That is not what The Orange Rhino would say. She would say, it is okay to not feel happy right this moment. It is okay to not be able to see the bright spots right now because sometimes, sometimes LIFE IS JUST HARD. Sometimes life just HURTS. Sometimes, sometimes no matter how many mental health tricks we try, no matter how well we talk to ourselves, no matter how well we process and rationalize what has happened, IT STILL STINKS and in the moment there is no bright spot.

The Orange Rhino would say, mom, to feel that, to honor that, to hold space for those feelings so they can breathe…SO THAT I CAN BREATHE and not be suffocated by the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. The Orange Rhino would say, let it out, let it flow freely so it can flow through you and you can move forward, a little bit lighter because it is THEN that you can see the bright spots and have space, MORE SPACE to let them in and fully embrace them.”

“Okay,” my mom said. “Yep. Got it.”

Y’all, my mom is reading this;) so here’s a bright spot for her;) at least I had someone to call. I know many of you will read this and wish you still had your mom to call. Hugs to you. And mom, here is another bright spot for ya. And here’s where the PSA comes into play. I hope The Orange Rhino I’m writing about is reading this! Not two hours after I got home, I saw a car I didn’t recognize driving past my house.

Our house number is not exactly easy to find. Y’all. Yesterday was my birthday and this Orange Rhino, a most wonderful person who I know from here and there but have never had the honor of actually grabbing lunch or coffee with, just chatting with at exercise class or in the bleachers, was at my door with flowers. She didn’t know about my morning. She was just being herself. Thoughtful. Kind.

And it turned my ENTIRE DAY around. It made me feel seen, loved. It gave me hope. One act. Probably took here ten, maybe fifteen minutes.

And it changed hours of my life. Take the time. Do the act. For someone else, or for yourself. The investment is worth it. I guarantee it. Be the warm, bright in someone’s day. You won’t regret it. And while you’re at. Be real and true to yourself. You won’t regret it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are needing a friend to show up at your door right now with flowers. Please know, that if I won the lottery today, I would be sending flowers to all of you daily to let you know I see you, I get you, and I’m rooting for you.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You “Should” Feel Joyful but You Just Feel Flat

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Truth time. I *should* be full of joy. I have so many reasons to be. Truly. More reasons than usual actually. And yet, I’m feeling a wee bit flat. I was rocking and rolling until last Thursday morning when the wind got knocked out of me, metaphorically speaking. Since then, it’s been a battle to re-energize myself for long periods of time. The good moments come, I laugh, I smile, I feel the joy and then I go flat again.

Actually, if I’m going to be honest, ever since Thanksgiving it’s been a battle. The holiday season can be tough, especially as a single mom. I try to pretend it isn’t. I try to pretend that all the magic of the season makes it okay, but the truth is, it can be tough.

But the last week has made it extra tough and I’m feeling blech galore. (AND there is an uplifting morale of the post here, have no fear.) I got my 48 hour seizure test results back Wednesday night. As expected, I’m not having seizures. No surprise. What wasn’t expected?

Well, that I would have to fight to get a disc of the video recordings from the test. You see, I’ve been trying for years, at least four, probably five, to capture my symptoms on video so that I can get an actual diagnosis and thus actual help. It’s been like catching a leprechaun. Impossible! Out of the blue, all of a sudden, my body spasms. Big time. Arms, legs, neck.

And it hurts. Like whiplash level hurts. This recent test actually caught five episodes. FIVE. And the office is fighting to give me, ME, the person in the videos, access to the data. Don’t get me started.

I’m exhausted.
I’ve been fighting for years.
I’ve been fighting to be seen as an individual.
I’ve been fighting to be heard, really heard.
I’ve been fighting to be taken seriously, to not be judged as just having anxiety.
I’ve been fighting to be believed.
I’ve been fighting to be helped.

I’m this close and yet a new battle has arisen. One that shouldn’t exist. Did I mention I’m exhausted? I just want to quit the fight and accept that I will have to deal with these symptoms. I feel so defeated. And angry. And did I mention, tired? And yet, and yet, I won’t stop. I won’t quit.

When I got the call back Thursday that “they weren’t able to make the disc” because bs reason, bs reason, bs reason, I didn’t call back. It would have been the third call that day. I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t have it in me to stay patient. To stay kind. To stay rational. And so, I’m resting. I’m rebuilding my reservoir of kindness and patience.

When I call back, I want to have a productive phone call. I want to be able to have a good chance of getting people to want to work with me, instead of not wanting to help me at all. I’m still not rested enough, or removed enough from my absolute frustration.

And it doesn’t help that this holiday can be lonely and exhausting. The feelings of the season match the health situation. I want to quit a lot there too 🙂 My kids didn’t want to help with the tree to the extent they usually do so I wanted to say forgettabout it.

But I didn’t. I just waited until they were ready. I’m creating a lot of my own holiday energy and magic and it’s hard. It makes me want to say I quit this season and yet… I won’t stop trying to create joy. I won’t quit the holiday. I won’t give up on what matters to me. But I will allow myself to feel what I’m feeling so I can help it pass through my system.

So I can shake it out – spasm it out as my body likes to do, hurt it all;) So that I can find my way back to more joyful feelings. (Well at least for longer period of time!!!) What about you? How are you doing this time of year that can be demanding, exhausting and tough for oh so many reasons?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are fighting something, anything, and are finding it hard to keep the energy going.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How to Bring the Feeling of the Beach Home When You Don’t Live There

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I don’t live at the beach. I live one hour away from a decent beach, two hours away from my favorite beach, and a four hour plane ride away from a tropical beach.

But oh, oh I dream of living at the beach and waking up to the sound of the waves and the colors of an orange and pink sunrise. The beach is my happy place. My sanctuary. It’s the place where stress instantly leaves my body, my thoughts instantly settle, my mind instantly finds clarity or creativity, and my whole being instantly finds peace.

Since I currently can’t up and move to the beach, and quite frankly I don’t think I will ever be able to afford my dream oceanfront beach house, I decided to make my house in the suburbs, a beach house.

There have been a few times when I have asked friends and neighbors who are designers to help me pick out a new couch or curtains because I was overwhelmed with too many little kids 😉 They asked about colors and this and that. I always answered, “I’m going for an ocean, beach feel. This is my beach house.”

Every time the answer was, “But this isn’t a beach house.”

Every time I answered, “I know, but it’s my beach house.”

This past summer, I saw this pillow and I immediately bought it. It now sits in my front hall for everyone to see when they walk in the door. It cracks me up and brings me so, so much joy. I was somewhat sad to pack it away last night as I put out the Christmas pillows. (You all know how much I love, and live for, decorating for Christmas.) In fact, I took it right back out.

My house is a beach house year round because it makes me happy. I don’t care what anyone thinks. Life is what we make it. What we dream it to be. IF we let it be that. IF we don’t succumb to other’s rules of how we should live. IF we stand by what we want and don’t people please. 

Same with our homes. Our homes, our homes are what we make them, are what we want them to be, what we need them to be. They don’t need to be fancy or decorative or on trend. They need to make us feel happy, warm. Hopefully they can feel like a sanctuary and bring us peace.

Whether it be from the paint colors or the softness of the couch.
Or the systems we use to ease the chaos of the day to day.
Or from the people we love and the memories we create together.
Or even from us, and the energy we bring because we’re living a life we love, and living by following our hearts, our wishes. I’m working on creating a life I love so that that energy flows over into our home.

I’m also working on making my home, our home, feel like a sanctuary. This community is one piece of my plan;) This pillow is just one piece of my home plan!

But it’s an important piece. It might say “Welcome to our Beach House” but what it also says is, “Welcome to a ‘Believe in Yourself’ and ‘What You Need to Feel Good’ House.” This pillow is such a beautiful reminder of how good it feels to follow my heart. And by the way, everyone smiles when they walk in and see it;) The irony isn’t lost and in fact, I think it’s admired. What have you done recently to follow your heart, despite what others said, and as a result found peace and joy?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too, like me, are working every day to listen to your heart more and more and listen less to others’ “should’s.”

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Life Feels Hard and You’re Afraid to Say It Out Loud

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I’ve had a hard couple of days. And not just because it took me way longer to fully get better than I hoped. And not just because this meant that I couldn’t do things that helped me be in a good mind space: exercise, walk outside, hang with friends.

But because I’m having a hard time with this thing called LIFE. Time for transparency 🙂 (And pause. Do I dare share how I really feel right now? Will I be misunderstood? Judged? Do I want to be this vulnerable? I don’t know. Let’s write and see what comes out. Don’t you all love how I talk to myself midpost lol?)

I’m “bored.”

I’m finding life to be monotonous; everyday is the same ole, same ole. It’s uninspiring, unfulfilling. It’s anything but fun. The daily grind is simply weighing me down right now. I have so many daily needs that I have to get to that I can’t get to what I want to get to 🙁

I’m frustrated.

I’m finding parenting my four teens to be a never ending question of “is it ever going to click?” All of them are having me questioning my parenting, myself, right now. Frustrating is an understatement. I know I am a good parent and yet…and yet…really guys?!!!

I’m worried.

I’m finding myself not where I hoped I’d be work wise or finance wise by now. I’m finding myself wondering if many aspects of my life will work out okay, especially my kiddos.

I’m tired.

I’m finding it takes a lot of energy to keep going, to remain engaged, when one is bored, frustrated and worried. Like a lot, a lot. It’s hard to stay upbeat and energetic when one doesn’t have a lot of sources of positive, uplifting moments.

Right now, life is depleting, not giving. Or rather, it is taking more than it’s giving. This place gives me a lot:) but the rest of life is simply taking at a rapid pace and I can’t keep up.

So I guess you could summarize all of this with…

I’m struggling.

I realized this weekend that some of what I need to help me is what I’m missing: laughter, fun, in person human connection and clarity. I can’t make the daily grind disappear. I can’t change my kiddos current actions. I can’t make my life journey go any faster.

But I can add and create some positive oomph to my days. I can proactively add some orange energy to warm up the grayness. I can make plans with friends. I can watch a funny movie. I can adjust my exercise to give me more energy. I can reflect on my goals to get more clarity. I am struggling, but I can take action so that the struggle doesn’t win.

I’ve been there before, where the struggle won. I started yelling again. I stopped seeing as much beauty around me. It was blech. I don’t plan on going back there again. I’ve got one toe in that zone. The good news? I’m aware.

And I know what I gotta do. The other good news? I know where I want to go, I know where I don’t want to go and I know what I want to feel. I feel positive and hopeful that while I might still struggle, because I am human after all and these seasons happen, I will be okay. I will keep going.

And I guess I will post this after all. At least for a couple of minutes while I debate if it should stay up 😉 So, what will you do today to energize yourself and wrap yourself in positive energy so that the daily grind doesn’t win and bring you down?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling bored, worried, tired or any of what I shared above. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*remember, I’m not a mental health expert. This is just me sharing my human experience. If you are having a hard time in life, know you aren’t alone and if you feel like you need help, please reach out to a professional for support. There is no shame in doing so. I talk to a therapist weekly 🙂 xoxo

How The Orange Rhino Grew From Yelling Less to a Bigger Life Question

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Welcome to the new followers! I thought I would go back in time and do a little recap of where I started and how I got here today. Original O.R.’s…please fill in the blanks in the comments with any key information I might have missed. And don’t worry – I’m still gonna sneak in new nuggets in this post so it will have value to everyone who knows the history 😉

Way back in 2012 I started The Orange Rhino Challenge® which was my promise to my 4 boys, then ages 5 and under, to go 365 days straight without yelling at them. Turns out, I went 520 days! Three top things I did:

  1. I tracked when I yelled so I could find patterns and solutions
  2. I did all sorts of sensory type things to calm my body when I felt a “yell” coming on like splashing cold water on my phase, jumping jacks, dancing, getting out in nature
  3. I realized that so much of why I yelled had more to do with my anxiety or state of mind than it did my kids so I started using the phrase “at least” to change my perspective (at least it was a plastic jug of milk that spilled and not glass!) I did other things too but that was a favorite!

In the end, I realized that the real upside to learning to stop yelling was that not only did I no longer go to sleep hating myself and feeling immense shame, but I now went to sleep feeling more peace and happiness because I loved myself, my life and time with my kids more. Everything I was doing to yell less was making my life all around better!

Yelling wasn’t the real problem. It was a symptom. The kids weren’t the problem either. I was the problem, said with so, so much love. The way I was responding to life was the problem. And it wasn’t because I was broken or a bad person – it was simply because I didn’t yet have the skills or knowledge or awareness to know how to do better.

So anywho, on March 23, 2013 I went viral with an article on Huffington Post called, “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids.” A book deal came from that and “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino® Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids and How You Can Too” was born in 2014.

I could barely launch it as my youngest son got very sick. Then my oldest got sick. And then my marriage died. My confidence and so many other personal pieces of me that helped me to yell less died alongside my marriage. I started yelling again. It was awful. I felt like an imposter. I felt like a failure. Mostly, I felt alone, lost, scared. I felt unsure, disconnected and disappointed. How did I get to that point?! How had my life turned out this way? How had I become this person again?

The self-ridicule, self-doubt, self-hate rolled back in and rolled in hard. It planted its roots and stayed for a nice long while. UGH. 2016 to 2022 were hard years. That’s a big chunk of time, isn’t it?! I kinda don’t like seeing that on screen. That’s really hard to admit. I mean, 2016 to 2018 was the divorce so that makes sense. But then four more years? Okay, throw covid in there and that makes more sense and… WAIT why do I have to justify having a good chunk of hard years? I don’t. Life is just hard sometimes.

The weight of those years started taking a toll – on my body, my spirit and my mind. That shame I felt in 2012? When I yelled too much? It was back. Now it was shame that I wasn’t fully enjoying life, or even just enjoying it like I hoped to. I was a shell of the person I used to be and was a shell of the person I knew I could be. I hit a few breaking points that tried to rally me but didn’t work. 

Then in February 2022, I had a doctor’s appointment that woke me up. If an appointment can slap you in the face, this one did. Oh did it slap me hard.

ENOUGH Sheila. Open your eyes. Life is beautiful and you’re kinda missing it and I know you don’t want to be. I love black and white photos, and there is a place for gray in life and in home decor 😉 but me? I was done living a life without color. I made a choice that day. I chose to tell myself over and over and over again, “Girl, YOU CAN DO THIS. You can overcome all of these challenges that the world is throwing at you. You can live a life full of gray and still live a life full of color.”

I had already slowly started taking bigger steps forward, out of my stuck place. Now, my steps have become more intentional.

No more regrets.
No more feeling like I missed out.
No more being in an “eh” place.

Yes more love.
Yes more loving myself.
Yes more loving my life.
Yes more loving time with my kids.
Yes to really, truly, focusing and figuring out.

What do I need to live a colorful life again? What lights me up inside? What makes me laugh, smile? What do I dream of? What do I long for?

And the big ones, What is missing? Where do I find it? How do I find it? What is weighing me down the most? What is the heaviest on my heart, my mind that is holding me back and keeping me stuck? Keeping me from all of the above?

And the BIGGEST one, Okay, and now, you know the answers, how do you get there? The final answer? I needed to return to The Orange Rhino! The community that when I was actively a part of, I had a pep in my step and more peace in my heart. The Orange Rhino gave me connection, community, strength, support, and so much more.

So here I am, returned. I might not write directly about yelling anymore BUT and this is a big one, everything is about yelling! Yelling was never the real problem. My skills, the way I responded to life’ s challenges were the problem.

Because when I’m in a good place, when I’m doing all the things I’ve worked hard on the last couple of years, I’m strong like a rhino and I can peacefully handle most triggers than come my way…without yelling. I still yell. I’m human. I’m not meant to be perfect.

But I don’t yell at myself over and over and over again for it. That just makes it worse and leads to years of yelling, eh hem example 2016 – 2019 😉 Thanks for reading; you have the patience of someone who can indeed yell less 😉 Sending my warmth and my strength, today and always, and especially if you too might be working to live a life with a little more color in it.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How Tuning Into My Teen’s Needs Led to the Conversation I’d Been Waiting For

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It happened…but it almost didn’t, because of me. I’m so glad I woke up and tuned into my teenager’s needs. Last night, I had a forty minute adult conversation with my teenager. Like a legit, adult to adult chat about important things. Really, really important things. I’ve been waiting for this exact conversation to happen for a couple of years.

And it was great and wonderful and all the things I’ve dreamed it to be. The questions he asked were thoughtful. The statements made were insightful, beyond insightful. The conclusions were spot on.

And then…and then… I started nodding off 🙁 ARGH! I so wanted to stay awake. To keep my son talking, to keep the conversation that I had longed for, going. But I couldn’t stay awake. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was exhausted. (And you know because of course it was past 9:00!)

But you know what? I still savored every word my teenager said. Especially the, “hey mom, you look really tired. I think you need to go to bed. We can talk more tomorrow. You need to sleep. I love you.” And with that, just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended.

But the conversation almost didn’t start…because I was so exhausted. He had come into my office where I was seeking quiet. He chitter-chattered away and I reactively replied, “hey buddy, I just need a minute. I just got back from back to school night and I’ve 

been up since 5 and had a loooong day.” Not going to lie, I was hoping he would take the hint. I didn’t have it in me to actively listen.

I was more than physically tired. I was emotionally tired. It had been a day. It’s been a couple of weeks. I’m so glad he didn’t take my hint though. He kept chatting.

So I took his hint that I had missed. He wanted to connect. No, he needed to connect. I got up and said, “Let’s go talk in the family room.” The rest 

is history. Last night was the beginning of a new chapter for my son and me. It was the beginning of a new chapter for him.

And it almost didn’t happen. You know what made it happen? The Orange Rhino Challenge and The Orange Rhino 2.0

The Orange Rhino Challenge taught me to yell less which helped me become responsive instead of reactive. Without it, I totally would have been snappy at him when he wouldn’t stop talking and he might have shut down and said, “You know what, forget it” and walked away. 98% chance of that. The Orange Rhino 2.0 (that’s the season I’m in now, don’t have a new name yet) is reminding me to create and live a brighter, lighter life so that I have the energy to remain responsive even as I face life’s daily challenges.

I’m more grateful than ever for The Orange Rhino this morning. The little logo that could;) I’m so glad it stayed with me all these years and encouraged me to keep going, to be warm, to remain chill. Seriously. And I’m so grateful you all have stayed with me and given me a place to write, to be, to think, to grow. Last night also happened because of the community you offer. THANK YOU. Just thank you. Last night was a gift that happened because of The Orange Rhino.

Call it cheesy, call it whatever. I call it amazing.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are holding onto hope for the day you have that “one” conversation with someone dear to you, that one where they finally get it. I hope it happens soon.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Family Meals Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Matter

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I had an epiphany this week. Nothing totally earth shattering. Probably nothing you haven’t thought of before or even myself for that matter. But it left me feeling so much lighter, especially going into the summer when my desire to make meals will be cut 100% 😉

With all the end of the year go-go-go we haven’t had any real, “solid” home cooked meals in a while. I just haven’t had it in me to do the weekly meal plan and big grocery shop. It’s been – what do I have? Great! That’s for dinner! We have nothing? Okay, quick trip to the store for bare essentials and easy meals. It’s been a lot of pasta, tortellini, breakfast for dinner, tacos, hot dogs, yada yada. And yes, pizza and take out. Stay with me. Epiphany, remember?

I haven’t cooked any of their favorite, more time intensive meals: chicken parmesan, hibachi chicken with fried rice, manicotti, chicken fajitas, homemade chicken fingers, and on and on. And vegetables? Well that’s been carrots, if I remember.

Tuesday I headed out with one son to his volleyball banquet. Because I hadn’t planned ahead, there was no lasagna to heat up or leftover bbq chicken to put on a sandwich, so it was pizza, again. Oh how the guilt started to roll in, all on its own.

And then one kiddo, because kids are simply just awesome like this, “Mom, when are you going to make a homemade meal again?!” And more guilt! Then another son, shhhh’d him and tried to whisper, but epically failed and said, “Dude, be quiet. I love pizza and take out. This has been great!”

I kinda agreed with him. The lack of meal planning, hour long grocery shops, dishes, complaints over meals, and cleaning the kitchen? Oh, oh, how great it had been. The cost? Not so much. The guilt? Also, not so much.

On my walk the next morning, my epiphany rescued me from my guilt. I have very, very few memories of home cooked nightly meals growing up. Here’s what I do remember:

~ One night a week, waffles, scrambled eggs and peas, my favorite meal
~ One night a week, Kraft macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, always a winner, especially with extra butter
~ A salad plate with two pieces of lettuce, two carrots, a cucumber slice, and some tomatoes with every non-breakfast for dinner meal, my mom’s attempt to get us to eat vegetables
~ TV Dinners (turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy!)
~Pizza every Friday night.
~Saturday morning breakfast at McDonald’s with my dad.
~Christmas morning breakfast of eggs, bagels, and grapefruit.
~Lasagna just for me on Thanksgiving because I didn’t like turkey.
~Cereal (mostly Cheerio’s or Rice Krispie’s) when still hungry.

What’s not here? Elaborate, homemade meals every night.

Maybe this was because I was a picky eater, and I didn’t like a lot of meals my mom made

-OR- Maybe it’s because depending on the stage of my life, my mom was either getting a Master’s degree, working, prioritizing herself, or taking care of a family member in need

-OR- Maybe it’s because there wasn’t enough time given our busy schedule

-OR- Maybe it’s because it wasn’t a value of my mom and dad’s Who knows.

But what this memory made me realize, is that what mattered, is that there was food. I was nourished. And an adult, either my mom or my dad or my really cool babysitter, was always there for dinner with me, until my later years in high school.

Dinner wasn’t fancy. Dinner was an act of love. It was a sign that my mom, even in her busy schedule, made sure:

that I was taken care of (and my dad on Friday nights and Saturday mornings.)
that food was available and on the table.
that holidays were special.
that I had what I needed to grow, to be strong enough to swim two hours, to stay up late studying, to do everything I wanted to do as a busy kid, always pursuing a new project, a new club, a new activity, a new idea.

This memory about my childhood snapped me out of feeling guilty about my lack of meal planning and homemade meal cooking. It gave me more permission than ever to make meals that are simple.

Where and when I got this notion that every night I had to make complex meals I don’t know. (Actually, I just realized where it came from..I needed to prove to myself that I can cook because someone once told me I was a lousy cook. Well I’m done with that limiting belief. Buh-BYE!) My kids are nourished, by food and love, and their favorite home-cooked meals when we have time and when I have the energy.

Turns out, the night of my epiphany, we had both. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed making dinner that night. We had meat, potatoes, biscuits and broccoli, a meal requested by my youngest. It came more from a place of love than ever and didn’t feel like a chore or obligation. I hope this epiphany isn’t new to you;) and if it is, I hope you are feeling lighter like I am.

Either way, this epiphany goes beyond cooking. It can be applied to probably any area where we feel we are falling a little short. Our love is nourishment. Showing up as parents, being supportive, creating traditions and memories, is nourishment.

This is what matters. Not how complex or perfect we made things. Sending all my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially as we go into the summer months when there are *SO MANY* expectations out there to hit summer bucket lists. Your presence is a lot. Remember that.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 


*another unedited, stream of consciousness post, showing my reflections of whatever random thought is on my mind or whatever challenge I can currently process so that I can move through it instead of staying stuck AND YES!

I had to take the pizza boxes out of the recycling for a photo because get this…they made it there before I had to ask;) in other words before I could take a picture!

Does Your Child Have ADHD? A Reminder for Parents Who Worry They’re Getting It Wrong

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Does your child have ADHD? You’re a good parent and they’re awesome, like you.

Last night, as I stood in the waiting room with my son, I realized I had this most ridiculously HUGE goofy smile on my face. Like, gargantuan sized. I probably looked like a fool. A happy one, but a fool nonetheless. I felt the smile, my joy, all throughout my body. It was so intense that I took a selfie to capture the moment. This probably made me look more goofy but whatever. And yes, my teenage son LOVED that I did this.

Again, whatever. I was shocked that I was actually smiling, not crying.

I was smiling because I was reading a book that understood me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that saw the good in me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that inspired me to not quit on myself.
I was smiling because I was reading…a book.

I know, obvious statement but actually not a given one! You see, I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who leaves the house and brings a book to read while she waits.

I love learning and reflecting and always talk about wishing I had more time to do so. I’m in waiting rooms a lot. It’s the perfect time to read. And yet…and yet…I never remember a book. Hello ADHD. Lots of big plans and no action. ARGH (another name for ADHD lol.)

Anywho, so instead of bringing a book, I always end up on my phone. And while I love catching up on emails/texts, playing Tetris and other logic type games, and shopping on Wayfair for items to make my house feel new, I always feel like I could have been more intentional with my time. (Yes I know, books on phone. I can’t read that way. It’s a visual thing.)

But last night, last night y’all I brought a book! A real, book! I just couldn’t help it. I was SO excited to dive into this book, to learn more about what I already knew, that “ADHD is Awesome.” Written by Penn and Kim Holderness (The Holderness Family) it’s just the book I’ve been waiting for. Simple. No expert speak. Approachable. Understandable. Easy to read. (Written kinda in my style, conversation-like, not formal. Just my speed!) It’s full of love. Free of shame. And most importantly, it starts to break down the stigma that comes with ADHD. Of which there is a lot. A LOT. Too much. Way too much.

And this is where the one challenge with the book comes in. And also, the irony. I smiled as I read the book because I felt seen, really seen. But the good parts, the awesome parts. My creativity. My problem solving. My ability to notice things before others. I found myself a little surprised that I wasn’t crying because that’s often what happens with self-growth books when I have big connections or aha’s!

But this book, in the way it’s written, as my traumas or weaknesses weren’t coming to mind, my aha’s were all joyous! I felt excited and hopeful for my future! “ADHD is Awesome” focuses on helping the ADHDer see/work with their highlights and helping those in relationship with ADHDers embrace said highlights while acknowledging the hard. It’s a beautiful approach. A much needed one.

This is all good stuff, right? Well yes. Except…I felt jealous. Sad at times. It was fleeting, but still. The thing is, I have DREAMED of starting something, anything, to tackle the stigma that comes with ADHD. And because of my lovely ADHD…I haven’t. Oh my mind comes up with so, so many ideas. So many dreams. And then I don’t act. I hate it. It leaves me feeling let down, like a failure, and more. Especially as I see other people bring those dreams to life.

But again, this is why I am excited for this book. I’m excited for the tools to help me finally act on my ideas AND…I’m excited for the stigma around ADHD to start being chipped away at, slowly but surely. Some of my kids have ADHD. Our family has felt the impacts of society’s opinion of ADHD. It hasn’t been kind. It’s been lonely as all lonely can be. Hurtful beyond measure. Challenging. Exhausting. Depressing even.

I haven’t been able to really write about it because, well, stigma. This book is a great first step. So yes, there are the tears. Thank you Penn and Kim for furthering this conversation. People don’t fully understand ADHD, especially in kids. The assumptions made about the kids – and their parents aren’t cool. And they are flat out wrong.

My children ARE awesome. I’m a good mom. We don’t need your snide remarks, side glances, or turned backs. We’ve learned to rise above. We are stronger from it, but we wish it were different. We would love a little understanding, a little kindness. We would love an invitation somewhere where we knew it would be judgement free. ADHD is real. People with ADHD have real feelings. And real strengths.

Because “ADHD is Awesome.” I brought a book to an appointment last night. For the first time in forever. Barely fifty pages in and this book is changing me.

So grateful. Thank you Penn and Kim. Maybe someday my dream of working with you to create a marketing campaign to end the stigma around ADHD can come to life…you know, now that I’m learning how to manage my ADHD and might actually get stuff done. We’ll see. I have hope. You’ve given me hope. And again, tears.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness post P.S. Penn and Kim didn’t ask me to review the book or any of that. I’m just sharing because we all know that sharing is caring 😉 AND I want this book to get out everywhere and for the stigma to start going buh-bye!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Life Can Be Good and Hard at the Same Time

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I’m supposed to be cheerful. Happy! I should share that life is good! Life is great! I should downplay my struggles if I want my message to reach you all. And here’s the thing – LIFE IS GREAT. Life is good. I am happy. I am cheerful.

But, and there is a but…I need to add a disclaimer. An asterisk if you will. Yes…life is great. I am alive, I have a loving family that only drives me bonkers “sometimes,” I am mostly healthy. I have a roof above my head. I have close friends. I have a beautiful community that brings me joy. Yes, I have a lot in my life that is indeed great. Life IS Great*

*and also…sometimes, sometimes it just doesn’t feel so great.

Life is good…and also hard.

I am happy…and sometimes sad.

I can be cheerful…and sometimes down.

I am honest…and well, always honest. Especially when it comes to feelings.

I have never hidden how I feel. Maybe I have hidden it from certain people, or in certain situations, or perhaps delayed the sharing, but I have never strayed from acknowledging them. All of them.

Happy, sad.
Cheerful, down.
Excited, anxious.
Ecstatic, disappointed.
Calm, overwhelmed.
Confident, unsure.

Here is a feeling I am feeling now. Concerned.

Showing the world only “happy, cheerful, life is great” posts isn’t necessarily the way to make people feel better. Yes, it makes people feel better in the moment. But, it’s only part of the equation.

And actually, not acknowledging the other part – the not so cheerful posts – is a disservice. It doesn’t help people feel better in the long run.

There is more to helping people feel better.

People need to know they are not alone in their struggles.

People are craving connection with others like them so that they feel understood and safe to finally share their real feelings, free of judgement.

People are looking silently for stories that make them feel better about their feelings that aren’t so often talked about because they are frowned upon, shamed, feared, misunderstood and more.

People, like me, want to be real about life and ALL the feelings so that we feel lighter…which is what helps us to feel better.

Feeling lighter helps us to take steps towards getting to a brighter place, a place where we fully enjoy all that makes life great. Sharing all our feelings in a vulnerable way with others isn’t gloom and doom. It’s human. It takes courage. It is what TRULY CONNECTS people even more so than 100% happy stuff. It actually LEADS to more happy moments. It frees people and… 

* * * It is what makes life great. * * * 

The following song just popped into my head. Interesting 😉 Thanks Dionne.

“What the world needs now, is love sweet love./
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

Sharing posts that reflect all experiences – “life is great” and “life is hard right now” IS LOVE.

Both posts help people better in different ways. Both kinds of posts help people connect with others, connect their own thoughts, connect with their inner selves, and connect with their dreams.

I hope this post doesn’t get lost as many of mine have been. I will continue to be real, sharing my struggles and how I process them and get to a better spot. And I will continue to share my brighter moments too, and the even not so bright moments.

If I am not honest with myself about how I feel or who I am, I won’t be The Orange Rhino anymore…I will be back to a Gray Rhino, charging with my words because I’m not acknowledging how I really feel. And since I am honest, I like being The Orange Rhino much better.

It feels Warmer. Lighter. Brighter. It feels Better.

Sending you my warmth to go with your strength, and my gratitude for your continuous support of this wonderful and special community.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 *this is another unedited, written stream of consciousness style with typos, post * * just kidding, I did go back and add a few things after I saw the comments. Like how grateful I am for all of you. xoxo.