Our Christmas Tree Came Crashing Down — and It Became a Beautiful Family Memory

Posted on December 20, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

Some say they are just traditions, that teens don’t care so much. Some say it’s just a tree, to not worry about it. But trust me, after this year, I know more than ever, it is more than a tree and those traditions do matter.

In our family, in my family growing up, and in both of my parents’ families growing up, a Christmas Tree was something that brought people together.

That brought memories from years past, represented by special ornaments, to the present.

That brought excitement for the future upcoming big holiday, and even for unknown memories that would turn into ornaments, to the present.

A Christmas Tree brings the past, the present, and the future together in one beautiful place.

A Christmas Tree brings out old stories, new stories, and “I wonder what will happen” stories.

So when our Christmas Tree came crashing down the other day, I was crushed. I thought it would just be me. But it wasn’t. My four sons – 17, 15, 14 and 12 – stood in solidarity with me. Mouths wide open, just as shocked as I.

But the most beautiful thing happened next. After we all felt all our feelings, we came together. WE CAME TOGETHER, as Christmas Trees do to people.

My teenage sons generally don’t like working together lately.

But they did. Two helped clean up and cut the tree base so it would stand better. One took care of the dog so as to not get glass in her foot. One came with me to get the pizza which was no doubt now sitting cold at the restaurant.

But no one really ate. Instead, my sons wanted to keep working to clean up, to get the tree up, and to sort out which ornaments were broken beyond repair, which were saved, and which needed gluing. They wanted to fix all the strands of lights and replace the broken ones. They didn’t want to stop – and didn’t stop – until the tree was up, once again. I had kept my mumblings to myself about, “oh, there must be a lesson here.” I had accepted that sometimes crud happens and there isn’t a lesson to be had.

And yet…and yet… as we worked, my boys started sharing their thoughts, their insights, their takeaways.

“Mom, I’m so glad this one glass ornament of Great-Grandma’s didn’t break. It meant a lot to you. It represents a lot to our family.”

“Maybe the tree wasn’t balanced. Maybe it was too heavy in the front. Gravity stinks.”

“Sometimes things just fall over. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world. We’re fixing it.”

“If a Christmas Tree falls in a house, does anyone hear it?” hahaha.

“At least nobody got hurt.” “At least we still have a tree.”

As they shared all their thoughts, I couldn’t help but to reflect myself. Our tree came crashing down and I am so glad it did. YEP. It gave me a chance to:

See my boys come together, which gave me pride and hope for their future as better friends. And in the process, witness them be resilient AND use tools of how to shift perspectives so they could productively move forward. Yeah for good ‘ole “at least” statements!
Hear them share about the importance of the family ornaments and what they represented: being grateful for all we do have. Some ornaments were made during the Great Depression and others were made by my parents when they didn’t have extra money to buy ornaments. Oh, oh they were listening all these years! They do listen!
Experience their sadness and joy in the whole Christmas Tree debacle of 2023 which showed me that yes, yes family traditions matter and I’m so glad that I kept going this year to make sure this tradition happened, no matter what.

And lastly, well, it did make me think about balance. In all likelihood, the tree was too heavy in the front. When we bought it, it had a huge area in the back that was missing a branch. Didn’t dawn on me that there would be a problem with ornaments on the front. The tree was out of balance. It was too heavy. I want to write, I started to write, that I am the tree. That I am out of balance. Yes, I feel it a bit. I am struggling with balancing motherhood with me-hood with Orange Rhino-hood.

However, our Christmas Tree mattered to me from the start. I made it happen no matter every obstacle I faced. And it turned out, it really mattered to my boys too. I got my priorities right.

So I am not out of balance, life is just heavy and hard right now. I am just figuring it all out. Balance comes from wobbling left and right, back and forth. That is what I am doing. I might fall down because of the weight. I might fall down as I wobble.

But like the tree, I will stand tall again. And I will shine bright, again. SO WILL YOU. So. Will. You. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Life Charges at Us: Why I Need to Recharge Before I Can Take Charge

Posted on August 21, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

Life Charges at us sometimes. In so many, many different ways. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is just a fact of life. Unexpected life changes. Children having wicked tough days. Family emergencies. Personal emergencies. BACK TO SCHOOL go-go-go preparations! It can be a lot. And that was a short list!

Time to Re-Charge so we can Take Charge (of what we can.) Just a little Monday morning thought given “The Orange Rhino” and all and one I have been playing with and reminding myself of when I feel life charging at me. Re-charge Sheila so you can Take Charge!

Did you know Rhinos charge because they feel threatened, provoked, triggered? Parents charge vis-a-vis yelling for the same reasons. Hence how I identified with a rhino years upon years ago lol.

I added the orange for much needed warmth, confidence, and positive energy and because I didn’t want to charge/yell.

I added four pink birds, one for each of my sons, to represent love, community support and because well, I love the color pink;) But the more and more I think about it, The Orange Rhino truly is about more than yelling and parenting.

When I used to yell, while on the surface it seemed I was triggered in the moment by my kids, I was really triggered/threatened/provoked by LIFE, which yes, includes people in my life. Which yes, also includes ME which was my major conclusion years ago. In my book, I wrote that “It’s not you, it’s me” meaning the kids weren’t the trigger, it was me.

Still stand by that, in the sense that if I wanted to stop yelling, I had to look within instead of out. Now, I expand. I need to look within, and then look out again. I have spent the last year, and a few years prior looking out at my LIFE. What in my life feels threatening? Real or imagined? What in my life triggers me? From my past? My future? What in my life provokes me? To think? To act? To want to fight – sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much?

I can learn from all the moments that make me want to charge…and all the moments when I feel life charging at me. And I can make sure to re-charge myself as much as possible –> so that I am ready for said “want to charge moments” –> so that I remain warm and loving and respectful. Oooh, here’s another one. So that I remain positively charged;) and have a productive interaction –> so that I can then use what I learned and “take charge” of my knowledge and move forward. Clearly so many fun ways to use the word charge that aren’t negative!

Speaking of charging, my darling sons are waking up and as lovely and “grown up” as they are, without food in them, there will be some legit charging at each other. Puberty and hormones and four teen boys is just, um, A LOT.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today, as you start your week! Remember to re-charge every now and then so you can take charge and have the day you want. If it looks to be a cruddy day, take charge of the moment to find some joy – a funny video, a good chat with a friend. Add some good to the crud! And if you aren’t feeling positively charged at all, that’s okay. Some days are like that. Happy Monday!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

#TheOrangeRhino #yelllesslovemore #theorangerhinochallenge #rechargetotakecharge

What My Childhood Toys Taught Me About the Mom I Thought I’d Be

Posted on July 21, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

I had Barbie dolls. But she wasn’t my favorite. Nope. Sorry Barbie. I loved the oh-so-perfect, obviously never yelled, The Heart Family: the mom, the dad, and twin brother and sister. Barbie was cool and all, but she wasn’t a mom and at age seven, being a mom was way cooler to me than any Barbie, no matter how many amazing outfits or accessories she had. Besides, The Heart Family had the nursery set up (with adorable spare diapers, of course, even Barbie babies have blowouts), the Volkswagen Cabriolet convertible with car seats (of course!) and the family camper for fun family vacations.

I had all of these and they were better than any surf board or roller skate set. Any piece that would make this Family complete and happy as can be that I didn’t have, I asked for incessantly. Oh I loved playing in this dreamland of being a happy, peaceful mom. And beyond The Heart Family, I had dolls galore who I rocked and nurtured and loved like no other.

I just couldn’t wait to be a mom!

To give love.

To create love.

To be gentle.

To be kind.

To be there when someone cried.

To be there when they were in pain and needed soothing (by burping of course, no boo boo’s for these babies who weren’t crawling yet.)

I had so many visions of what life as a mom would look like. Obviously my clothes would be better than The Heart Family. I mean, still pinks and blues, but less poof and lace!

What I never, ever, ever envisioned? Yelling at my babies, my kids.

I soothed my dolls. I had The Heart Family mom talk sweetly to her babies as she smiled effortlessly, just like the pictures.

So that is how I would be when I was older. Duh. So where did my yelling come from? That wasn’t what I practiced as a little girl? That wasn’t how I planned things? That wasn’t who I was. I didn’t yell at people. Sure, as a little girl and even as I grew up, I had sensory meltdowns and yelled OUT but never AT people. I love people. I live to be kind to people, to spread kindness.

Yet here I was. Four sweet kids under five. Yelling at them.

For all the play and practicing I did interacting with people, as a little girl all the way to becoming a mom…how did I not learn this one very important skill? How did I never know to learn this skill? How did no one ever mention to even learn this skill? How did I not see anyone directly practice this skill? The skill? Actually skills?

What the heck to do when feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, how the heck to prevent the feelings in the first place, all so you don’t yell. Why didn’t I know this skill? Because no one talked about not yelling as a skill to learn…because it was either accepted or so deeply not accepted that you didn’t talk about it. Add that to the fact that I historically didn’t yell, and why would I even think about honing this skill?! Am I excusing my yelling? Of course not.

What I am doing is forgiving myself.

What I am doing is letting go of some of the guilt, the shame, that I harbored for so long.

What I am doing is loving myself the way I loved my baby dolls when I was seven.

What I am doing is saying, “Hey, I yelled more than I liked. I was as prepared for motherhood as I could be. Yelling was a surprise to me. I didn’t have the skills at the time. That wasn’t my fault. It doesn’t make me a bad mom or a bad person. It just means, I didn’t have the skills. So I got them. And I learned to manage my triggers and yell less.”

I haven’t seen the Barbie movie yet. I absolutely can’t wait! I have no idea how it turns out, but I know this. She goes to reality.

And I bet in the real world, if she does run into The Heart Family, her supposed friends, they will find themselves in a stressed moment and even though they are “perfect,” they will yell. They will yell not on purpose. Not because they are bad parents. Not because they are bad people. But because life is real, with aspects out of our control.And because life is real stressful, with experiences that hit us deeply.

Even when we are totally, utterly prepared and practiced…yelling happens. People are not invincible in the real world. We have feelings and histories. We get triggered and fall flat on our feet. And we yell. And so, we forgive ourselves. And we learn. And we teach our kids so that as they grow up, they have some of the skills we perhaps didn’t.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Parenting Advice That Was Hurting My Mental Health

Posted on March 21, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

Warning: potentially unpopular opinion coming up. There is a widely used “core parenting statement/belief” that I recently realized has contributed in a somewhat harmful way to my own mental health and I want to address it. I’d like to say that I am prepared for backlash – but I know that I am not. I am a sensitive soul, and I don’t deal well with controversy. But, I feel strongly that the message I am about to share needs to be heard because when I figured it out, I felt so much better about myself as a parent, as a person.

The shame, self-ridicule and intense pressure I put on myself as mom dropped tenfold when I stopped fully accepting and following this popular parenting belief shared and told by many a psychologist. And this statement isn’t just shared by psychologists in articles online and undoubtedly in books. It is widely shared in pretty square boxes with pretty fonts and images on Facebook and Instagram. It is shared on reels with relaxing, meant to be encouraging music.

The parenting belief is with good intention – it is meant to inspire us to be good parents. It is meant to help us raise our children with strong emotional iq, mindset, resiliency etc…. It is definitely meant to teach us something our parents might not have been taught and it definitely is not meant to shame us or put pressure on us.

And yet… I found myself bawling my eyes out in my minivan recently because of this darn supposedly helpful, gentle, encouraging, parenting reminder. I found myself bawling my eyes out because I had just dropped one of my sons off and we had just had a tough conversation about how things were going for him. He was having a hard time with something or other and said something negative about himself. He hurt and I hurt for him, oh did I ever.

And I hurt because I couldn’t help but wonder, as I often do as a mom, is this my fault? Did I mess up as a parent? Did I miss something? Did I not do a good enough job?

So before pulling away I went on my phone to admittedly, numb the pain for a bit. To avoid the feelings of yuck. To hopefully see something up-lifting. And sure enough, I saw some pretty image with different colored words and it was soothing to look at. Until I read the words.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

and BOOM there it was, the ever so popular parenting statement. I went from crying to bawling.

See, it was my fault. My son’s inner voice was being cruel to him so it must be my fault. I must have talked to him that way. Right? I must have said something incredibly mean and cruel to him because now he talked that way to himself. Clearly my words had become my son’s inner voice because that is what Facebook was telling me…as it had taught forever. I mean this saying has been EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere for years. Years! I have seen it since the days I started writing as The Orange Rhino. I have never doubted it, never challenged it.

At first, I didn’t get it. Perhaps because my kids were young. But as they grew, I understood it more and I fully embraced it. Yes! Yes, that makes sense. My kids internalize what I say to them, what I say about them, how I say things to them – and even how I talk about myself. They watch me, mirror me, learn from me. They are learning to speak to themselves the way I speak to them and speak to myself. Yes, I get this, I believe it. “The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.” Yes, true.

But there needs to be an asterisk or an edit. Because without that, this statement is a little dangerous in my opinion.

Here’s the challenge. This statement – while generally true – puts ALL the pressure on the parent to develop the child’s inner voice. It doesn’t mean to (and maybe it is just my experience) but it does.

And that is A LOT of pressure. A lot. One’s inner voice is super important. Like uber important. If one’s inner voice is too cruel, it can lead to severe depression and worse. (And if it is all the parent’s job to develop it – and the child develops a negative inner voice – then what will happen to the parent’s inner voice? See where I am going?)

I do not take inner voices lightly, which is why I do my best as a mom to watch how I talk to my kids…and why I will continue to. I absolutely want to help them develop a kind and loving inner voice. Heck to the yes on that!

But this statement – putting all the pressure on me?! That’s heavy and it’s inaccurate. Yes, as a parent we accept a certain level of responsibility – where it correctly lies. It lies here, on helping to develop our child’s inner voice, but not 100%.

In my fully accepting this parenting belief, I fully negatively impacted my own mental health. Not good.

After I stopped crying, I suddenly had an AHA moment. A major, life changing one. An, I can breathe one.

Something my son said suddenly clicked for me. He commented about something that happened years ago. He then commented about something that happened in an online game. He was commenting about all social interactions happening here and there and today and then. He was telling me what the asterisk to the comment was.

I said to myself, “What a freakin’ second. Hold the phone. This statement is outright WRONG. I am not the only voice my son hears. Yes, I am part of it and yes I have made mistakes and at times said the wrong thing. I am human. But there is more.

The world hasn’t always been kind to him either. My son’s inner voice? It doesn’t develop just from me. It also develops from everyone in his life and how they talk to him. How his peers do. How online video game strangers do. How teachers do. How strangers do with the looks they give. How advertisements do. I am not the only person talking to my son. I am not the only person contributing to his inner voice. This is not my fault. I am a good loving parent. The way we talk to our children becomes (insert) PART of their inner voice*

*And also, so does the way the world talks to them.”

And I cry again. Why?

Because I hurt for my son and how the world wasn’t so nice to him at times, how loudly and repeatedly it talked to him. And also, perhaps more so, because my inner voice is cruel to me sometimes.

Because I have been telling myself that my son’s negative voice is all my fault, that I failed my son.

Because I have been putting all the pressure on myself to be the best parent, to speak to my children flawlessly to help build their inner voices.

Because there are so many voices out there telling me how to be a better parent; telling me which rules to follow to ensure I don’t screw my child up; telling me to do this, to do that.

Because there are so many voices out there with innocent messages about parenting that I feel like if I am not trying to improve as a parent that I am failing. I know, ironic coming from someone literally writing a parenting piece. I am well aware. Beyond aware.

Every day I struggle with this exact challenge of mine and every time I write, I try to make sure my messaging is what I want. I do not want to add to the voices that add pressure to parents to do better.

I do not want to add to your critical inner voice – I want to help yours and my inner voices to be kinder. I want to help my sons’ inner voices to be kinder. Because we all deserve kind and loving messages.

So here are yours for today. You are a good parent. You are doing a great job. You do not need to be perfect. You are doing your best. You do not need to carry all the responsibility for how your child turns out because there are invisible factors at play you can’t control – and visible factors at play you can’t control. Let go of all the pressure you put on yourself. You deserve kindness – and that includes telling yourself you are a good parent. ©2023 The Orange Rhino

Note: The Orange Rhino stands for warmth and positivity, amongst other things. I deserve kind and loving messages too – as does the original creator of the comment. Again, I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment of the statement. If you do not agree with this post, I ask that you refrain from negative commenting – towards me and towards the creator of the statement.

I welcome differing opinions in the right tone and right forum, but if your comment is neither, I will delete without hesitation. Thank you for understanding and for sharing messages that support and build people up, not taking them down.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Talking to Kids About Suicide, Loss and the Importance of Staying Here

Posted on December 15, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

I have debated back and forth a lot this morning about posting this because it is sensitive and I want to get it right. But it is all that is on my mind and I feel it is ever so important to share. Love to all. TRIGGER warning, suicide.

Disclaimer, I am not a mental health professional. If you need help, please call or text 988 because you matter – and we need you here.

One of my sons came into the kitchen last night and said, “Mom, did you see who died?! The guy from Ellen I used to watch when I was younger. I loved him. He was the best.” The sadness and disbelief crept onto his face and…tears come to my eyes now.

I loved watching my son watch Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss. When he did, my son’s eyes filled with awe and his smile with joy. It was always, always, one of the sweetest moments during our chaotic days. Such an incredible loss. Oh my heart aches for his family and all those who struggle. I just can’t. I can’t.

My son then asked how he died and I replied, “He died by suicide sweetheart.”

“Oh.” His face fell even more. The silence became heavy.

“But he seemed so happy. I don’t understand.”

“Yes. I know. I don’t either. It’s tragic beyond words. Heartbreaking. It’s a good, albeit very sad, reminder that you never know what is going on in someone’s private life or in their mind. It is why I always say, just be kind. You don’t know everyone’s story. What they have been through in life or that day. Just be kind.”

“I know.” he said softly.

And I know he did. He is one sweet, loving, empathetic kind kid. I could see he was also thinking, pondering. He knows some people in his life who have struggled.

This is, and rightfully so, a hard, subject for him, for me, for all of us. But it can’t be avoided.

“Hey kiddo. I want you to remember. In life, you might feel some really crappy, heavy, feelings and feel like they will never go away, that they are permanent, and that you will always feel miserable. You are young so you won’t have experienced yet that these crappy and depressing feelings will go away, they will pass. I promise. You won’t have experienced yet that you can get through the hard times. But you can. I promise you. And you know you never, ever have to be alone with your feelings. I am always here for you. And remember, I love you. You make my life better!”

“I know, mom, thanks.” And off he went to sit with our dog Hope, for some love and comfort. And off I went to try and focus on dinner when really I just wanted to cry.

I have had days where I have said to my therapist, “I just can’t anymore. The pain is too much. This is too hard. When is it going to end? I need it to end.”

The sad part is – even though I love my therapist and I trust her implicitly – I always cushion those statements (the few times I have said them) with “I am not going to do anything, I am in just so much deep pain and I don’t know how to explain it in other words.” Lest my therapist think I am *gasp* actually in that, THAT much pain.

No, I can’t have her think that. I can only have her think I am in a mediocre amount of pain. Oh, how I wish we were more free to fully share the depths of our feelings without fear of judgement. I know my therapist won’t judge me; she is the best.

But the world, my inner world? It has, and for this, I hold back. I keep my dark, ugly feelings to myself. The thoughts no one wants to hear but that I am certain everyone also has.

Except one thought – and that one I shared loud and clear – that I yell at my kids. It worked out okay sharing that dark truth. It felt great knowing I wasn’t the only one; it brought such comfort, such relief.

So, I share this today – hesitant as can be – because I know there is at least 1 person who follows this page who needs to read this and who needs to know, You aren’t alone. I see you. I feel your pain all too well. I know you are hurting. I know you are wondering if you are loved. I know you are feeling tossed aside and that you don’t matter; that you aren’t good enough and never will be. I know that you are feeling that nothing is getting better, just worse, so what’s the point.

The point is your children. They need you. They really do. Anytime you hear, “Mama? Mom? Mommy?” It really means, I need you. It really means, where are you – I need your comfort, I need the support only you can provide. It really means, are you there because I need you here because you make me feel safe in this world. And your kids do love you, even though they show it sometimes in the oddest of ways. Your friends love you and need you.

Your family – whoever you may call family – needs you. Things will get better, they just haven’t, yet, but they will. I am living proof that they will. You are more than good enough – the fact that you follow this page, that you are interested in learning about how to yell less shows me that you are interested in self-growth and being the best you can be which tells me you are a great parent. If you doubt yourself as a mom, remind yourself that the mere fact that you ask yourself that means that you are kicking butt at parenthood.

We work hard and try to improve at what we care about – at what we love. Loving our kids and wanting the best for them is the core of being a good mom. That is you. You care enough to self-reflect and make sure you are doing your best. That means you are present and working hard – keep it up.

And remember… Life can be painful. Pain can seem like it will never, ever get better. Days can seem like they refuse to end. Months can seem to be filled with constant bad news, always something new to overcome. But it all passes. It might go a heck of a lot slower than desired. It might be painful as heck and hard as heck and undesirable as heck to go through – but one can get through it all. You will be exhausted as all get out – from motivating yourself daily, hourly even, to find perspective, to find the good, to find the positive thoughts, and to find the strength to not lose hope – but you will sleep and then live to make it through another day that will hopefully, and eventually be better than the day before.

I got through a lot of crap with the help of not one, but two therapists. You read that right. Oh, and my friend, Wellbutrin, an antidepressant. No shame. No shame at all. I have four kiddos who I love fiercely and who need me at the best I can be. And despite all the pain and yuck in the world, there is also beauty and I want to be able to get out and fully experience it without being held back by darkness.

Again, life can be painful. Life can be hard. Life can be overwhelming. But you can get through it. I know you can. Repeat. I know you can. I hope you have a friend you can reach out to today to say, “I’m hurting. Like really hurting and I need to talk. I need to tell you my truths.”

If you are hesitant to share, I want you to remember,

In all likelihood, you sharing your truth is actually a gift to the person you share with because they too have probably felt the same and will feel a bit less alone as a result. They will feel a sense of relief.
If they judge you – you have given yourself a gift of knowing who to remove from your life. Painful gift, but a long-term one that will keep giving. And if they judge you see #1. Likelihood is they aren’t ready to fully admit to their own feelings and their response has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They perhaps envy your strength and courage and they didn’t know what to do with it, except judge.
If you are worried you will be judged because you have been by others in the past, it is still worth the risk. Sharing your feelings instead of carrying them as a burden will be a start in moving forward.

And if you truly know that there is no one that you can trust with your darkest feelings – your true, real feelings that are ever so valid – please text or call 988. You are so very, very needed. You are so very, very loved. And you can – and will – get through whatever darkness you are experiencing.

With so much love to all who are hurting and doubting, I just can’t say it enough – you are loved and we need you here, in this life. And to all who aren’t hurting today, smile at someone who isn’t; you might just make their day. Compliment someone; you might just help them see their strengths. And know that if and when you are hurting, I will see you then too. * AND if you have time, please read the comments.

I do not want to miss anyone being brave enough to share their truths. Please take a moment to share love and encouragement.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When a Conversation About Weight Is Really About Self-Worth

Posted on December 6, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

I hesitate to share this post because I don’t really want to get into my weight and all that but something happened recently that led to a great insight that I want to share. So as you read this realize it really isn’t about my weight 🙂 Okay, onward!

A few weeks before Thanksgiving I saw my primary doctor for my annual visit. She asked me if I had any concerns and I laughed and said, “where do I start?!” I shared my biggest one: my weight. I told her I knew that my weight was of concern given that I was well overweight and that I am pre-disposed to Type 2 Diabetes and High Blood Pressure (already borderline there).

I shared everything that I was doing and that my biggest concern was that despite doing everything “right” nothing was working. She shared my concerns and referred me to a different doctor for a more detailed workup.

The next day I found myself starting to get super frustrated and down on myself about my weight. My mind started to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking and all the “I can’t do this anymore, I am so tired of my weight” but then I somehow, miraculously, said to myself, “You have a plan. Do not worry. You have a plan. You have an appointment with the new doctor and you are going to figure this whole weight thing out. Just be patient.”

Immediately, and I mean immediately, I felt calm. My brain stopped in its tracks and the negative thinking subsided.

The mere statement, “I have a plan” gave me hope.
Gave me reassurance.
Gave me peace.
Gave me calm.
Gave me power.

Never has a statement or mantra worked so well for me. It was golden. I was so excited! Fast forward a week. It is the day of my appointment and I am actually excited for this appointment that is the first step in my plan to help with my weight – to help with my struggle – to help with an area where I am working so hard and getting nowhere and feeling so dejected. This appointment wasn’t about my weight anymore, it was about my well being.

The appointment was a virtual one and actually wasn’t with the doctor. It was with the intake coordinator to figure out who was the best fit in the practice. Two hours before said appointment I got a phone call, “Hi, we have an appointment at 11. I was looking at your BMI and your file and while yes you are indeed overweight (oh thank you very much for that by the way the indeed was really a nice added touch) you aren’t overweight ENOUGH and even though you are pre-disposed to Type 2 Diabetes and have the markers, you aren’t diabetic yet. You don’t qualify for help.”

Folks, I had to even stop typing right now because even writing this story, the disbelief and anger left me without words. I get it – a lot of people need help and the office needs parameters so they can help the most in needed.

But here I am, legitimately also needing help and not able to get it until things get worse. I was so shocked – and so sad and discouraged – that I could barely ask follow up questions. She did say I should follow up with my Thyroid doctor and I told her I had an appointment but not for three months.

She said I could try a nutritionist in the group and I said I don’t need help with that, I am already doing that and it isn’t working. Something in my body isn’t clicking, isn’t working. I need help, I reiterated. I basically only got an, “I’m sorry. Best of of luck.”

I needed help and I was denied it.

I had a plan and it was destroyed.

I was left feeling so incredibly discouraged. Beyond discouraged.

This was weeks ago and I have really struggled since with motivation to keep going with my current plan of eating healthy, exercising, drinking more water, getting good sleep, etc… because it feels like a moot point. It is so hard to work on something without progress, is it not?

And yet, I need to keep going with this current plan because I know the doctor in three months will ask if I did all of these things. It is so hard to follow a plan that doesn’t really feel much like a solid plan anymore.

Which brings me back to the beginning. I was so excited for my doctor’s appointment because it gave me a plan which gave me hope.

Knowing that I was taking a step in the right direction
– that I was going to have support
– that there would be actual help and tools and guidance
– that I would make progress
– that my challenge would be made easier
– all of this gave me hope and motivation.

And through all of these feelings one thing kept coming to mind. And it wasn’t my weight. It was The Orange Rhino. I don’t want you all to lose hope like I have. I don’t want you all to feel denied of help. I don’t want you all to feel discouraged. I want you all to have a plan to yell less.

So two things:
(1) Track your triggers – notice when and why and where you yell. Because when you have those pieces of information, you can create a plan, a roadmap of how to tackle those moments, those triggers and you can start having an easier time making progress at yelling less and loving more. Trigger awareness will allow you to say to yourself in a moment when you feel discouraged and want to stop trying, “Wait, I have a Plan.”

(2) Coming January (all fingers crossed that I get my sh*t together), in some shape or form, I will be doing some sort of either 30-Day Challenge or Book Club or Trigger Tracking Workshop. Something. I don’t know what. But I can help. And I want to.

So there ya go. Please don’t take away from this post “The Orange Rhino doesn’t like her weight.” Instead take away the powerful mantra, “I have a plan.” And go and start creating one today, one trigger at a time! Go and plan how to manage/respond one trigger today and you will be on your way to yelling less than you did yesterday!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Anxiety Before a Doctor’s Appointment: When Your Brain Makes the Day Harder

Posted on December 1, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Good morning. It is Thursday. Apparently. It is also December. Apparently. How either of these basic, expected facts are true I do not know. I swear yesterday was just Monday morning and the start to a long week and I swear yesterday was just my 1st day back as The Orange Rhino. I know it is cliche but where is the time going? I need it to slow down.

An update since many of you messaged me. Yesterday’s doctor’s appointment was good. Once I got there. Need to share the before I got there part. So here I was, already a nervous mess, sitting on the train. I decided to open the dr’s medical app to review notes / test results from the past year. Upon opening at 9:23 am, I see that it says “Appointment today at 9:15.” HOLY SH*T I start panicking and crying and thinking “how did I f this up…and I am not surprised I did…I f up lots of appointments lately” and blah blah blah and “now I have to wait another 6 months and this sucks” and more blah blah blah.

Went down the whole rabbit hole of self hatred. I called the office immediately and told them I had the appointment for 11 and that was the reminder I received.

Their response? “Oh yes, but you also had one at 9:15 and you have one at 9:45.” I informed them I was 5 min away from the train station and then would either have to (1) walk/attempt to run in the rain to the appt which would take 20 min at least or (2) fight with everyone for a cab in the rain.

She told me not to worry but to hurry.

So, here I am. Back pack on (I had brought stuff to do in case appt ran late). I check out the taxi line and realize that ain’t happening and I need to get away from the station first.

So I start running. As a mom who had four children. Who apparently needed to pee. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean.

So after running for a solid 6 seconds it was clear: I would NOT be running unless I wanted to have an accident. Swell.

So I walked as fast as I could and then luckily a cab literally pulled up by me (I say literally because it was so close it splashed me lol) and this lovely man jumped out and even held the door for me as I got in. He must have seen the panic in my eyes. I roll up as close to the appt as the driver can get and I start walking as fast as possible again. I arrive and go to the dr and start to check in.

Except I am on the wrong floor. Neurology has three floors in the building and I got mixed up (because I have been to all three!) Anywho, so here I am, just having hauled ass to arrive as fast as possible to be greeted by someone at check in who I clearly didn’t talk to on the phone earlier, because the greeting was: “Yes, lets check you in for your 11 appointment. You are totally on time. You just have two quick tests before your appointment and sometimes day of the app will add those tests as appointments for two hours earlier. You won’t actually do the tests for another 30 min or so. So have a seat.”

FOLKS. At this point, I am dripping in sweat. I was wearing a sweater and a lined rain coat because it was cold!!! Not exactly walk-as-fast-as-humanly-possible / work out type of clothes! I go to the bathroom and dry off using the super comfortable scratchy-aren’t-really-working hand towels and then sit and wait. All my stress just to wait. Ugh.

Silver lining? I made it and the appointment didn’t need to be re-scheduled and another one? I got extra exercise in. The tech called me back and I had my tests done which in layman’s terms test to see if part of my eye is thinning (it shouldn’t be). From what I could tell, the results were the same as May which were the same as February which all means good news.

The Dr. confirmed that she was no longer worried about Glaucoma / vision loss and felt that my thin nerves are my standard. They still need to be monitored every 6 months given other symptoms and test results but now she is more confident and doesn’t need to repeat any other tests or order more MRI’s. (Last February I needed a brain MRI and met with numerous other specialists to understand my vision issues. There was no visual explanation to the thinning or other symptoms which was concerning. I didn’t have a tumor in my brain or behind my eye. Thank goodness.)

This was and is obviously GREAT NEWS. My neuro exam, however, wasn’t completely normal and I need to do more testing. She feels confident that I am experiencing migraines that don’t present as a typical headache…and confident that one diagnosis that a specialist wanted to explore can still remain on the back burner. For now. I have anxiety so just knowing this one diagnosis is still floating out there and isn’t crossed off yet is hard BUT I have learned the following…

Worrying about it now, in this moment, doesn’t do me any good! It just doesn’t. So I am focusing on the fact that apparently it is December and that my favorite day of the year is 24 days away and I want to enjoy every day leading up to it. I am a walking Hallmark movie character – I absolutely love Christmas and all the magic and hope and joy that can come with it. Seriously, anyone know how to get me into a Hallmark movie so I can walk around an adorably decorated town with my hot chocolate in hand and my perfect winter outfit?

Kidding. Kind of. This month reminds me to be present more than others – to enjoy the season of giving, to all. So here is to giving – not just gifts, but also giving patience, comfort, support, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, open-mindedness, hope, laughter, and most importantly love. Love to others and love to ourselves.

Here’s to giving love. (And to good news and not peeing my pants on the way to my appointment!) Thank you all for being here

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino