Tag Archives: Stress

Constant Overwhelm and ADHD: What Helps When I Can’t Think Straight

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One of my biggest challenges is that I am *almost always* in a constant state of overwhelm, and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t feel good at all. The stress. The shame that I can’t manage better. The stress and shame combined leading to me being cranky. Blech. I do not like being overwhelmed, not one bit. Oh, let me count the ways. (And then share my new solution lol!) I often can’t think straight because one thousand thoughts of everything that I need to do, should do and want to do are barreling at my mind full force, fighting for the little free memory that exists.

Then, when the thoughts that do get through capture some memory space, my brain struggles to prioritize, like BIG TIME struggles. Thank you ADHD!

Prioritizing has never been a strength. Well, I always prioritize the people in my life and doing things to make them feel special and loved. That always comes first, without a doubt.

Someone needs celebrating? Priority.
Someone feels down? Priority.
Someone needs support? Priority.

I’m happy that I prioritize my people first. That feels good. That aligns with who I am.

So I’m cool with this even though sometimes it leads to feeling even more overwhelmed in other aspects of my life as key things get dropped for a bit longer than they should. Speaking of which, let’s add another layer to my overwhelm. I often put off, avoid, put my head in the sand, pick a phrase any phrase to talk about how I don’t do what I need to do when I feel overwhelmed. Yep. That is super duper helpful!

So now, we have several layers in this overwhelming situation. Let’s list them out. I mean if I am going to write about overwhelm, I should at least make it feel overwhelming, no?! We have:

Too many thoughts (start of overwhelm).
Little memory space to remember said thoughts (overwhelm kicks up a notch).
Struggle to prioritize (thank you ADHD…even more overwhelming).
Avoidance of thoughts that do get remembered and prioritized (wicked overwhelmed by now!).

Now to be fair, I do also have the following skills, amongst others, I try so very hard to put to use to overcome overwhelm:

Remind myself I can handle this.
Go outside, get fresh air, take a break, maybe even exercise.
Pick one task, break it down, go bit by bit, celebrating each success as I go.
Remind myself it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get to something today; somehow I always get done what needs to!

The thing is…it is SO hard sometimes to remember all those lovely things when I am in a wicked overwhelmed state.

So the other day, as I was walking, I told myself, “Sheila, you need a saying to keep yourself from getting to a state of complete overwhelm. You need a saying to help you not avoid things in the first place because this is out of control. You don’t feel good. This stress isn’t good.”

Here are a few I came up with. I think I’m liking the first one.

“Avoiding only advances Overwhelm.”

“Ignoring invites Overwhelm.”

“Procrastination procreates Overwhelm.” (Hahaha. Not a fan of this one but it made me laugh as it came to my mind!)

Do you have a saying that keeps you from avoiding things? That helps you not feel overwhelmed?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed with the end of the school year and the start of summer. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness, unscheduled post shared to show how I’m processing the daily challenges of life so that I keep living the life I want to live, instead of feeling stuck in the muck #adhdinwomen #4kids #overwhelmed

Mother’s Day Can Be Complicated: Making Room for Joy, Grief and Everything Else

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It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow, a day intended to be filled with joy, celebration, acknowledgement, rest and more. But in reality, it’s a day that for many is a day filled with sadness, loss, grief, disappointment, exhaustion and more. This post is dedicated to all the women who, like me, are feeling ambivalent about tomorrow. I see you, I feel your discomfort, your sadness, and I would do anything to make tomorrow a little brighter for you.

Truly. Since I can’t physically send you all flowers and cards telling you how special you are, know that I’m thinking of you and you’re not alone in these feelings. * I’m a single mom to four boys, teenage boys to boot. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when I was married and my son’s dad worked with my kiddos to ensure the day was special and I was acknowledged for all my hard work as a mom. I will not receive a card that says, “Thank you and the boys are lucky to have you as their mom.” The loss of the appreciation will be felt deeply.

Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were toddlers and made cute hand printed gifts and took naps during the day so I too could rest. The loss of thoughtful, unrushed gifts will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were in elementary school, and I was newly divorced, but the teachers helped the kids to make cards, ensuring that I was thought of on that first Mother’s Day as a single mom.

The loss of carefully written cards with caring messages will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my boys were just pre-teens and had less intense bickering matches because well, they weren’t fully teenagers yet and hormones and stress hadn’t fully entered the house. The loss of more family time together, laughing, will be felt. And Mother’s Day will absolutely, positively, 110% not look or feel like I imagined it before I ever even became a mom.

The loss of that dream will be felt. Life is different today. My dreams of what my life would look like as a mom, how it would feel, how I would be supported, are entirely, 110% different. On many days I have come to terms with that. And on many days, it still hurts. Mother’s Day is confusing for so many. It isn’t just a cheerful, “I love you” holiday. It’s also a cheerful and “I lost…” and “I long for…” holiday.

I lost my mother.

I lost a child.

I lost a relationship with my mother.

I lost my spouse, the one who helped make me a mother.

I lost a partner, and now I help my kids celebrate me because I am alone.

I long to be a mother.

I long for more children.

I long to actually be appreciated as a mother.

I long to find motherhood less overwhelming. 

I long to have a day off, an hour off, a mere break.

𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓’𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔, 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆.

It’s a tough day. It isn’t all flowers and brunches and cards and family dinners. There are also tears and quiet wishes for things to be different and reflective moments and feelings of loneliness and “is it Monday yet, but wait, this moment is special too.” Many of us, myself included, will go through the day, smiling then wiping away tears. Smiling some more, laughing even, then wiping away tears. Mother’s Day will be long and exhausting for me, and perhaps for you too.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and all the moms and women whose hearts are full, but also are hurting, healing, and hoping for things to get better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Does Your Child Have ADHD? A Reminder for Parents Who Worry They’re Getting It Wrong

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Does your child have ADHD? You’re a good parent and they’re awesome, like you.

Last night, as I stood in the waiting room with my son, I realized I had this most ridiculously HUGE goofy smile on my face. Like, gargantuan sized. I probably looked like a fool. A happy one, but a fool nonetheless. I felt the smile, my joy, all throughout my body. It was so intense that I took a selfie to capture the moment. This probably made me look more goofy but whatever. And yes, my teenage son LOVED that I did this.

Again, whatever. I was shocked that I was actually smiling, not crying.

I was smiling because I was reading a book that understood me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that saw the good in me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that inspired me to not quit on myself.
I was smiling because I was reading…a book.

I know, obvious statement but actually not a given one! You see, I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who leaves the house and brings a book to read while she waits.

I love learning and reflecting and always talk about wishing I had more time to do so. I’m in waiting rooms a lot. It’s the perfect time to read. And yet…and yet…I never remember a book. Hello ADHD. Lots of big plans and no action. ARGH (another name for ADHD lol.)

Anywho, so instead of bringing a book, I always end up on my phone. And while I love catching up on emails/texts, playing Tetris and other logic type games, and shopping on Wayfair for items to make my house feel new, I always feel like I could have been more intentional with my time. (Yes I know, books on phone. I can’t read that way. It’s a visual thing.)

But last night, last night y’all I brought a book! A real, book! I just couldn’t help it. I was SO excited to dive into this book, to learn more about what I already knew, that “ADHD is Awesome.” Written by Penn and Kim Holderness (The Holderness Family) it’s just the book I’ve been waiting for. Simple. No expert speak. Approachable. Understandable. Easy to read. (Written kinda in my style, conversation-like, not formal. Just my speed!) It’s full of love. Free of shame. And most importantly, it starts to break down the stigma that comes with ADHD. Of which there is a lot. A LOT. Too much. Way too much.

And this is where the one challenge with the book comes in. And also, the irony. I smiled as I read the book because I felt seen, really seen. But the good parts, the awesome parts. My creativity. My problem solving. My ability to notice things before others. I found myself a little surprised that I wasn’t crying because that’s often what happens with self-growth books when I have big connections or aha’s!

But this book, in the way it’s written, as my traumas or weaknesses weren’t coming to mind, my aha’s were all joyous! I felt excited and hopeful for my future! “ADHD is Awesome” focuses on helping the ADHDer see/work with their highlights and helping those in relationship with ADHDers embrace said highlights while acknowledging the hard. It’s a beautiful approach. A much needed one.

This is all good stuff, right? Well yes. Except…I felt jealous. Sad at times. It was fleeting, but still. The thing is, I have DREAMED of starting something, anything, to tackle the stigma that comes with ADHD. And because of my lovely ADHD…I haven’t. Oh my mind comes up with so, so many ideas. So many dreams. And then I don’t act. I hate it. It leaves me feeling let down, like a failure, and more. Especially as I see other people bring those dreams to life.

But again, this is why I am excited for this book. I’m excited for the tools to help me finally act on my ideas AND…I’m excited for the stigma around ADHD to start being chipped away at, slowly but surely. Some of my kids have ADHD. Our family has felt the impacts of society’s opinion of ADHD. It hasn’t been kind. It’s been lonely as all lonely can be. Hurtful beyond measure. Challenging. Exhausting. Depressing even.

I haven’t been able to really write about it because, well, stigma. This book is a great first step. So yes, there are the tears. Thank you Penn and Kim for furthering this conversation. People don’t fully understand ADHD, especially in kids. The assumptions made about the kids – and their parents aren’t cool. And they are flat out wrong.

My children ARE awesome. I’m a good mom. We don’t need your snide remarks, side glances, or turned backs. We’ve learned to rise above. We are stronger from it, but we wish it were different. We would love a little understanding, a little kindness. We would love an invitation somewhere where we knew it would be judgement free. ADHD is real. People with ADHD have real feelings. And real strengths.

Because “ADHD is Awesome.” I brought a book to an appointment last night. For the first time in forever. Barely fifty pages in and this book is changing me.

So grateful. Thank you Penn and Kim. Maybe someday my dream of working with you to create a marketing campaign to end the stigma around ADHD can come to life…you know, now that I’m learning how to manage my ADHD and might actually get stuff done. We’ll see. I have hope. You’ve given me hope. And again, tears.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness post P.S. Penn and Kim didn’t ask me to review the book or any of that. I’m just sharing because we all know that sharing is caring 😉 AND I want this book to get out everywhere and for the stigma to start going buh-bye!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

My Late ADHD Diagnosis: What It Took to Finally Be Taken Seriously

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My ADHD Diagnosis Story * “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.” That was the answer I was given, over and over and over again when I asked, scratched that, begged professionals to test me for ADHD. Talk about dismissive. And unhelpful. And wrong. I never suspected I had ADHD growing up. I mean, it wasn’t a majorly talked about thing and it definitely wasn’t for girls. I knew I had sensory processing struggles but even my mom, who is an occupational therapist, was still learning about what that meant.

But ADHD? Nope. But as I got older, and I had to fill out a questionnaire for one of my sons as part of a neuropsychological evaluation, the wheels started churning in my brain. For every question that I marked a 4 or a 5, “almost always” or “always,” I could have answered the same for myself. At the same time, the set routines and expected daily structures I had had in my life for years, started falling to the wayside.

No more nap schedules. No more going to the same schools. No more simple days where I could count on breakfast at seven, dinner at five thirty and bedtime and eight. I found myself struggling more and more to get things done. To prioritize all the tasks in front of me. To remember basic things. To make decisions. To not sit and zone out for longer than one should. I started noticing how impulsively I could say yes to things; how my brain never, ever, ever stopped.

I complained every. single. therapy session about how I couldn’t manage my time no matter how many different systems I tried.

So I started seeking help from my doctors. Primary. Couples therapist at the time. Psychiatrist at the time. Neurologist at the time. And all said, “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.”

And so I struggled. And I felt like a failure most days. And I cried most days from overwhelm, exhaustion, and pure utter frustration that I couldn’t get my life together and run a house, manage my family.

And I cried from yelling at my kids because I felt awful about myself. I yelled for lots of reasons, some of which were because I couldn’t manage my emotions well, I couldn’t handle my sensory overwhelm well, I got distracted by every request by each child which created mental chaos and…I was impulsive.

But no one saw any of this, which probably didn’t help my pleas for help. I kept it together like the best of them…on the outside. A recovering perfectionist, I did everything I could to make things work. I researched every system I could to help me manage my life better. I should have bought stock in the Staples office supply store back then 😉 Yes, I masked like the best of them. “Wow, she has four kids and she has it together!” No, no I didn’t.

I was falling apart on the inside and no one believed me. No one would really help me. Apparently life was supposed to be this hard. News flash. It wasn’t. I finally got a new therapist and psychiatrist. I talked with my therapist and she agreed that ADHD was a strong likelihood.

So I insisted that my psychiatrist test me. She was hesitant at first. “Are you sure your divorce isn’t just also making it harder? Perhaps your kids’ ADHD and sensory needs are making it harder? Sheila, your life IS HARD. That certainly isn’t helping.” She wasn’t wrong – to ask, or in her statement.

But she also wasn’t right. So I pushed and got her on board after I finally said something along the lines of, “Listed, my brain isn’t working. Something isn’t functioning right. I’m miserable and depressed as a result and something needs to change. I am begging you to believe me. To trust me, to test me. I have kids with ADHD, I’m not clueless. Here are the struggles I had as a kid…..Here’s where I struggled as a young adult in the workplace….Here’s where I am struggling now….” And so she did.

And we decided to try medication and see what happened. I remember that day clearly. For the first time in years, I felt like my brain worked. Actually, worked. Like higher level, worked. I could think clearly. My thoughts weren’t all over the place. I didn’t jump from one task to the next. I felt a bit calmer. I felt like myself again. Why like myself, again?

Well, because before I had kids, and even when they were younger and their schedule was simpler, I could manage my ADHD on my own. I had less distractions, less stress on my brain, and more structure. It was when everything went kerflooey that I could no longer hold it together. I still struggle, just less. My formal diagnosis was only about two years ago (or less) and I’m still learning what works for me and what is the exact right medication to support me.

Perimenopause isn’t helping and life’s stressors aren’t exactly helping. What is helping? Simply knowing that I’m not a screw up; that my struggles are REAL and don’t mean I’m a failure or lazy. This knowledge has helped me give myself more grace and love when I can’t do certain things or when I get frustrated with myself that yet another attempt at bringing more “order to the chaos” in the house has failed. My ADHD diagnosis led to more grace, understanding, and love for myself, from myself.

It’s been a journey to get here, but at least I am here now.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, but especially for those situations where you are working to figure something out about yourself or your life. Keep believing and trusting yourself.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post

Dance Like No One Is Watching: What Kids Teach Us About Letting Go

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Oh, to dance like no one is watching….

My twelve year old watched as his brother’s team started to lose against the number one competitor in their league. “What’s happening to them?” He asked. “They were winning by so many points! Can we go?!”

“I thought you wanted to watch?” I asked.

“Yeah, but this stinks. They’re losing, it’s not as fun.” He said.

“Well, not yet.” I said. “Give them a chance. Besides, if you want to play, there’s so much to learn right now that has nothing to do with how to actually pass a ball.”

“Like what?” my son said all snarkily…well, trying to sound snarky but actually, really, genuinely interested.

“Well…so much of volleyball is about more than physical skill. A lot of sports are like that. It’s about mindset. It’s about cheering each other on and picking each other up when the team is down after a lost point. It’s also about cheering each other on to keep the mood up, the momentum going.”

“Huh?” He said. But clearly not tuning me out…yet lol.

“Volleyball is a fast game. It’s easy to lose a point. It’s easy to score a point. It’s easy to get cocky and arrogant and then make mistakes…AND it’s easy to get down and doubtful and make mistakes. AND, it’s easy with the right attitude, to get positive and determined and make an insane play BUT to do so… You have to be able to get your head back into the game and be level headed after every single point.

You’ve got to believe in yourself, in your ability, in your team, the entire game. The moment you don’t, you start to lose points.” I wanted to add, “you know, like life” but decided to save that pep talk for another day. I continued. “See how the number (whatever it was) just rolled his shoulders back and then shook his body? He’s relieving stress to get back to a chill mindset. And see how the other kid is talking to himself?”

“Yeah, I thought that looked kinda funny to be honest.”

“Well, he’s pumping himself up, telling himself to shake it off, it’s just one point.

They’ve got this. Talking to yourself is a major sport skill and life skill.”

And with that…his brother’s team lost another point as the serve went into the net. Bummer. It happens – even with a good mental mindset 😉 Once again, no one on the team tried to pick each other up. They kept to themselves when they really needed each other. Another serve. It went over, but alas, another insane spike came right back at them. And another point against them was scored.

“So mom, shouldn’t they be talking to each other right now? Cheering each other on or something?! Like the varsity team did?” He asked.

“Yes! Exactly! The Varsity does better when they encourage each other, the JV team does better when they encourage each other. When you’re on the team, be the leader. Be the one to bring your teammates back together after each point. It’s so important to have that positive energy. It can make or break a game. Literally.”

And then my son’s team had an amazing play and FINALLY came together, rallied together, and high fived (politely, in a good sportsmanship type of way). Their energy collectively lifted and started scoring point after point after point…to win the game.

Everyone does better when encouraged, when lifted up. There can be no shortage of encouragement in this world. And everyone benefits from shared positive energy. Negative energy, like what they were sharing on the court before, has no upside. There is literally no point to it. (See what I did there lol?!) I used to have more of the more negative energy vibe than realistic positive energy vibe. As a result, I missed out on a lot of good feelings. It wasn’t my fault per say, I just didn’t know better.

I didn’t know how to quickly get out of the negative vibe.

I didn’t know how to roll my shoulders back and shake things off, like really shake them off and let them go.

I didn’t know how to talk to myself in a way that I would listen, in a way that I would not listen to the very loud negative voices.

I didn’t know how to focus on putting my effort into what mattered in that moment, “winning the next point, not over analyzing the lost point.”

I didn’t know how to go point by point by point; I just thought of either winning or losing whatever challenges I faced.

That approach made things harder. It made everything feel more negative. But I’m learning. Day by day. Mistake by Mistake. Win by Win.

Because the truth is, I’m determined as heck to learn. That negative vibe that hung around me for way longer than I liked? Well, it kinda sucked to be honest. I accepted it because it was how my life was for so long BUT NOW? Now that I know better? That I’ve experienced a life with more moments of real positivity (as opposed to toxic positivity) well, I’m not keen to welcome it back. I mean, it can come, and it will. It is NORMAL and okay. BUT, for a short visit, you know? Like my son’s game. Just for a few points.

And then I want to have the skills to rally again to a better vibe where my energy is a little more upbeat. Where I smile and jump and high five and laugh and well, dance like no one is watching. Like my son did at his game.

Except my dear son…we were all watching and we all thought it was adorable. (I love you kiddo. Dance on. You bring me so much joy. Also, kudos to you. I wouldn’t be able to do that and not worry about what people think. You inspire me!)

What can you let go of today so that you might find yourself dancing like no one is watching? What can you shake off today so you feel a little lighter, light enough to jump and high five? Getting to a better place – a place with less negative energy – takes effort, for sure.

But it is totally worth it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila


🧡The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post with my perspectives and ponderings about life and the possibilities that await (thanks Beth!)

When a Teen Health Scare Changes the Way You See Everything

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I experienced the most beautiful thing Friday afternoon with my son. Two weeks earlier, I had experienced a most scary moment with him. This son eats, breathes, lives for volleyball, plays year round. He was on the court for the first game of the high school season. I turned to his younger brother, who is just getting into the game, and said, “Something doesn’t look right. Your brother looks gray. He looks out of it. He must not have slept well.”

Just then, the ball headed to him. He positioned his body to hit it. Now, he has done this loads of times in the same gym, same lighting conditions. Folks, he completely whiffed. Not a little, but a heck of a lot.

And it wasn’t just an oops, “I misjudged and had a bad swing.” It was a, “what just happened to me” kind of miss. Afterwards, he blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes. He looked up to the stands, scanning the crowd for me. Once he spotted me, he started motioning to me, pointing to his eyes, mouthing something to me which I of course couldn’t understand seeing as I was far away from him but I loved that he was trying to communicate with me 🙂 I was so grateful to be there, to have witnessed that event.

It was unsettling to say the least. But I was glad to be able to see it with my own eyes. The game continued. He did not play well. He was completely off. Something clearly was bothering his eyes, his head. The game ended and he rushed over to me.

“Mom, mom. I need to go to a doctor. I feel like I am going to pass out. I can’t stand the bright lights. My head hurts.” Indeed, his eyes were completely dilated. Of course he couldn’t stand the lights.

“What happened on the court?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I lost track of the ball. Everything went blurry. I couldn’t see it. It’s like what happened right before spring vacation.” I’ve had vision problems for years and ended up at a neuro-ophthalmologist in NYC to help me out. It’s unsettling when everything goes blurry and it hurts like heck under bright lights.

I took him to the pediatrician the next day and he cleared him of the major stuff (no concussion, no medications, anxiety attack, etc…) and agreed with the eye specialist I had set for Thursday…and neurologist for potential ocular migraines like me, or more.

It was a miracle that we got an eye appointment within two days. This doctor is normally at least six months but my son’s symptoms were deemed emergency.

Now, he always had an ever so slight nearsighted diagnosis, but not worthy of glasses or cause of symptoms. Turns out, it changed.

But barely…just enough for glasses…but not the cause of the symptoms. “Get glasses, but also get to a neurologist,” the eye doctor said to us. Swell, I thought. Another appointment to fight for.

So good news, but not total relief news. But good enough news. Because it’s what brings me to the most beautiful part of the story. Friday I took my son to pick up his glasses. I wish I had video. You know those videos of babies hearing for the first time? Or seeing for the first time? Where you just can’t help but cry?

Okay, imagine a teenager who doesn’t smile a lot. Now, put glasses on him for the first time in his life. Then, add the biggest, shite eating grin ever. And leave it on there for at least an hour. Or longer.

“MOM! OMG! Everything is so clear! The colors are so bright! OMG! OMG! I can see so well!” He. Couldn’t. Stop. Smiling. It was so incredibly beautiful. The optometrist was smiling. I was crying (discreetly of course, because you know, with teens in public lol.) Another mom was smiling, telling me when her daughter got her pair of glasses.

It was beautiful beyond words. Beyond words. I’m tearing up now thinking about it. I love this kid and how much he appreciates the beauty in the world. While the glasses don’t provide a total explanation of his symptoms, they do provide a little relief from the total stress of the situation. They do provide some clarity, some peace and for that I am grateful. For me, for him. It’s been just a few days with his glasses and my son is still smiling EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t love how he looks.

I mean, he’s a teenager with a little acne and now with glasses. BUT he can see the world in a better light and that is making everything a little bit better. How’s that for inspiring? We don’t always have to be 100% positive. Nope. But how about just see things in a little bit better of a light so that we can handle things, so that we can endure the hard things – the long waits for answers, the getting through tough challenges, the exhausting new parenting seasons – just a little bit better? Not ignore the hard things, not, not talk about them. Just adjust our mindsets, our views, our actions so that we can handle the hard stuff a little bit easier.

It just feels so much better to feel BOTH. The hard stuff and then add in some good stuff too. Like seeing the beauty in life a little more clearly. The sun is shining here again today. Gosh, I’m grateful. It’s cheesy as all get out. I know.

But I’m going to absorb all the happiness of seeing and feeling the sunshine I can get today. I need it to help me get through this week. What beauty can you fully absorb today? What do you find utterly beautiful? Or what do you create that’s beautiful?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why Parenting Teenagers Is Hard in Ways We Can’t Always Talk About

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Having teenagers is hard and not for the reasons everyone talks about. It’s for the reasons no one talks about. Or writes about. Because we can’t. Or at least, I can’t. Or rather, I choose not to.

When my kids were younger, you know, the infant stage, the toddler stage, the pre-school stage and maybe even all the way up to third grade, I could more easily write and talk about the struggles of parenting them. I could share discreetly about their struggles, my struggles, our struggles. There was less wider judgement of them, more understanding that they were kids, they were still developing. There was more grace for them, for me. (Well, for the most part.) And, my kids’ friends were not on social media then and couldn’t read what I wrote which yes, is a current, problem.

Now, given my kids’ ages, I respect their request to honor their privacy. We have a pact about what I do and don’t write. I ask permission when needed and well, they sometimes tell me what I need to write, should write. All that said, years ago… I could share more freely when I wrote as The Orange Rhino and even when I spoke with friends. Sharing my struggles, my doubts, my hurts, well, we all know that when we share those things, when we no longer carry those heavy feelings by ourselves, that we feel lighter, brighter, better. That we feel less alone.

On my way into the house yesterday, after a few moments to myself in my minivan, thinking of all my boys and all the different stressors, it hit me hard just how much I am not sharing. It hit me hard how I am feeling.

I am carrying A LOT by myself right now. So very, very much. There is so much my heart is carrying that I can not share. My heart is heavy from worry, from sadness, from hurt, from exhaustion. My heart is heavy from loving my kiddos so gosh darn much. Parenting is wonderful, but whoa, is it a hard and heavy job to carry. But alas, I carry it the best that I can.

Yesterday, at around 3:30, after the last activity of the day, I announced to my boys, “Guys, I don’t feel well. I’m coming down with my annual winter cold. I’m wiped. And I need to do some things for me so that I feel better. So I’m going to focus on me all afternoon. Dinner is take-out. No fighting over where. I need a peaceful rest of the day. I need to re-charge and just chill.”

I needed to lighten my mental and physical load because well, the load of my life is heavy right now and I am carrying it mostly alone (save a few very special people whom I am so grateful for.) I feel a little better today. Slept a lot. Organized some cluttered spaces that were weighing me down. But of course it wasn’t enough to outweigh all the heaviness. That’s okay.

Today, I will do what I’ve been doing. I will find beauty where I can to add brightness to my day. I will call a friend and share some good laughs to lighten my day. And I will remind myself to just keep going, one step at a time. I’ve got this.

Parenting teens might be hard, but it is worth it. They are worth it. If you are carrying a lot on your heart that you can’t fully share, I get it. I see you. I’m sending you and your kiddo(s) my love. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Part 2: How a Spare Fuse Taught Me to Repair a Yelling Moment

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Did you know there is a spare fuse in the plug of Christmas tree lights?!?! I, did not lol. Don’t get me started. But there is! I found them and I replaced three blown fuses and voila! Light returned! Brightness returned! The strands were repaired, reconnected to each other and I moved onward with getting the Christmas tree lit. It was a beautiful reminder to me that when I “blow a fuse” (i.e. yell) I have a chance to repair.

The holiday season is stressful – for adults and kids alike. This isn’t a secret. It’s just full of MORE. More to do, more triggers, more overwhelm, more energy, more anxiety, more meltdowns, more stress. More yelling most likely;) Yelling happens from time to time. Yes, myself included. Yes, I wrote a book about how I stopped yelling and yes, I still yell on occasion. And no, no I am not ashamed to admit that. And no, no it doesn’t make me a bad mom, a bad parent, or a bad anything.

It means I’m human. It means I was having a tough moment and I responded in a way that likely showed how I was feeling on the inside about myself or my life. AND also, it doesn’t mean I can’t come back from that moment. Just because I blew a fuse, just because I yelled, doesn’t mean I can’t turn the moment around. My Christmas lights – all three strands that I blew the other day – reminded me of this.

So if you find yourself having just yelled from all the go-go-go of the holiday season, look around and find a light to look at and remember, The moment can be repaired. You too can bring light and connection back to the moment. Apologize for hurting the feelings of the one you love. Validate how it must have made them feel to hear you yell. Explain what you could have done differently to not yell, what you could have done to help yourself calm down.

Then perhaps go take that moment to yourself to get a little more grounded. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 of this story, it gets even better. Which I didn’t think was possible 😉

Part 1: I Blew Out My Christmas Tree Lights Because I Wouldn’t Take a Break

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The strand flickered when plugged in. I ignored the warning sign. It was just a flicker, right? Besides, I wanted to be done. I had so much to do. I didn’t want to take a break. I didn’t want to be slowed down. The result? I blew out 3 strands. I had to start over. Not taking a break actually slowed me down. I should have taken the break. Come back Monday, for Part 2: When Fuses Blow…

In the meanwhile, take that break today my friends, no matter how hard. It doesn’t have to be literal, it can be doing something restorative for you. Do tell! I’m going to get a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha to get in the holiday spirit 🙂 Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Survival Mode Is Not a Personal Failure

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A moment of real honesty: I am not currently thriving. I am in survival mode. And I struggle with that some days. Carry shame around it even. There is so much unspoken pressure to thrive. To strive even. To not be in survival mode. I go on Instagram and these messages bombard me. 

Are you in Survival Mode? Here’s how to get out!

Are you Thriving? Go you! Rock On!

Are you Striving towards your goals? Why not? Here’s How!

Listen, I am all for these three points. I think you know this about me;) I have nothing against these three points. I have books about all three topics. I love these topics!!!

This is not against them. I repeat. This post is greater than that. I love the feeling of thriving. Who doesn’t? I want us all to have that feeling of flourishing and feeling alive and fulfilled.

And I love me some goals and going after them. I mean, I wrote a book about learning to yell less and how I went a year without yelling 😉 I have been a Type A goal setter probably since I was able to set and go after goals.

And I do not love the feeling of being in survival mode. It’s exhausting, unfulfilling on most days, and makes my body just feel cruddy all over. Hello migraines, knots in my back, blurry vision, memory loss, decision making fatigue. I could go on and on and on. And at the same time, I’m not a fan of how these words are being presented to all of us. There needs to be an asterisk, a qualifier. A more realistic, honest statement after them.

Here’s my take. I accept that there is one common denominator in all three of these words: Thrive, Strive, Survive. The thread? the three letters I-V-E. Which are all part of the word LIVE. To me part of the definition of TO LIVE means to Thrive some days, To Strive towards goals most days and To simply Survive other days. All three modes are NORMAL and a part of LIFE.

There is no shame if I am in survival mode and there is no extra glory if I am in thriving and striving mode. I go in and out of all three modes constantly. While I love striving and thriving, I do not always need to, nor is it necessarily good for me. And while I accept being in survival mode at times, I know I can’t stay there because that too isn’t good for me.

This week has been a blending of Surviving and Striving to get out of survival mode. Hopefully next week will feel more like Thriving. Who knows. I just keep moving forward-ish.

What I do know is that this morning, I momentarily felt uninspiring because I have been “just” surviving* and then I remembered THAT IS OKAY. I am Surviving. I AM LIVING. I am showing up. I am still charging towards the life I want…which is one where I no longer let the obstacles overwhelm and overshadow my days so much that I miss out on the good that still shines bright.

So sure, I feel blech about life this week because I am “just surviving” but honestly, that in itself is inspiring. Life can be hard. Parenting is hard. Remaining determined, courageous, hopeful through it all? WHICH ALL OF YOU ARE…inspiring. Sending warmth and strength to you today – to live your day today without shame of where you are on your journey today. Surviving, Striving, Thriving…You are Showing up and Living and Moving Forward and that my Friend is Awesome.

*If you too are in survival mode, but it feels more heavy than just survival and just a phase, please reach out to an expert for support. Life is hard and complicated and all those who love you, need you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino