Having teenagers is hard and not for the reasons everyone talks about. It’s for the reasons no one talks about. Or writes about. Because we can’t. Or at least, I can’t. Or rather, I choose not to.
When my kids were younger, you know, the infant stage, the toddler stage, the pre-school stage and maybe even all the way up to third grade, I could more easily write and talk about the struggles of parenting them. I could share discreetly about their struggles, my struggles, our struggles. There was less wider judgement of them, more understanding that they were kids, they were still developing. There was more grace for them, for me. (Well, for the most part.) And, my kids’ friends were not on social media then and couldn’t read what I wrote which yes, is a current, problem.
Now, given my kids’ ages, I respect their request to honor their privacy. We have a pact about what I do and don’t write. I ask permission when needed and well, they sometimes tell me what I need to write, should write. All that said, years ago… I could share more freely when I wrote as The Orange Rhino and even when I spoke with friends. Sharing my struggles, my doubts, my hurts, well, we all know that when we share those things, when we no longer carry those heavy feelings by ourselves, that we feel lighter, brighter, better. That we feel less alone.
On my way into the house yesterday, after a few moments to myself in my minivan, thinking of all my boys and all the different stressors, it hit me hard just how much I am not sharing. It hit me hard how I am feeling.
I am carrying A LOT by myself right now. So very, very much. There is so much my heart is carrying that I can not share. My heart is heavy from worry, from sadness, from hurt, from exhaustion. My heart is heavy from loving my kiddos so gosh darn much. Parenting is wonderful, but whoa, is it a hard and heavy job to carry. But alas, I carry it the best that I can.
Yesterday, at around 3:30, after the last activity of the day, I announced to my boys, “Guys, I don’t feel well. I’m coming down with my annual winter cold. I’m wiped. And I need to do some things for me so that I feel better. So I’m going to focus on me all afternoon. Dinner is take-out. No fighting over where. I need a peaceful rest of the day. I need to re-charge and just chill.”
I needed to lighten my mental and physical load because well, the load of my life is heavy right now and I am carrying it mostly alone (save a few very special people whom I am so grateful for.) I feel a little better today. Slept a lot. Organized some cluttered spaces that were weighing me down. But of course it wasn’t enough to outweigh all the heaviness. That’s okay.
Today, I will do what I’ve been doing. I will find beauty where I can to add brightness to my day. I will call a friend and share some good laughs to lighten my day. And I will remind myself to just keep going, one step at a time. I’ve got this.
Parenting teens might be hard, but it is worth it. They are worth it. If you are carrying a lot on your heart that you can’t fully share, I get it. I see you. I’m sending you and your kiddo(s) my love. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
