Some say they are just traditions, that teens don’t care so much. Some say it’s just a tree, to not worry about it. But trust me, after this year, I know more than ever, it is more than a tree and those traditions do matter.
In our family, in my family growing up, and in both of my parents’ families growing up, a Christmas Tree was something that brought people together.
That brought memories from years past, represented by special ornaments, to the present.
That brought excitement for the future upcoming big holiday, and even for unknown memories that would turn into ornaments, to the present.
A Christmas Tree brings the past, the present, and the future together in one beautiful place.
A Christmas Tree brings out old stories, new stories, and “I wonder what will happen” stories.
So when our Christmas Tree came crashing down the other day, I was crushed. I thought it would just be me. But it wasn’t. My four sons – 17, 15, 14 and 12 – stood in solidarity with me. Mouths wide open, just as shocked as I.
But the most beautiful thing happened next. After we all felt all our feelings, we came together. WE CAME TOGETHER, as Christmas Trees do to people.
My teenage sons generally don’t like working together lately.
But they did. Two helped clean up and cut the tree base so it would stand better. One took care of the dog so as to not get glass in her foot. One came with me to get the pizza which was no doubt now sitting cold at the restaurant.
But no one really ate. Instead, my sons wanted to keep working to clean up, to get the tree up, and to sort out which ornaments were broken beyond repair, which were saved, and which needed gluing. They wanted to fix all the strands of lights and replace the broken ones. They didn’t want to stop – and didn’t stop – until the tree was up, once again. I had kept my mumblings to myself about, “oh, there must be a lesson here.” I had accepted that sometimes crud happens and there isn’t a lesson to be had.
And yet…and yet… as we worked, my boys started sharing their thoughts, their insights, their takeaways.
“Mom, I’m so glad this one glass ornament of Great-Grandma’s didn’t break. It meant a lot to you. It represents a lot to our family.”
“Maybe the tree wasn’t balanced. Maybe it was too heavy in the front. Gravity stinks.”
“Sometimes things just fall over. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world. We’re fixing it.”
“If a Christmas Tree falls in a house, does anyone hear it?” hahaha.
“At least nobody got hurt.” “At least we still have a tree.”
As they shared all their thoughts, I couldn’t help but to reflect myself. Our tree came crashing down and I am so glad it did. YEP. It gave me a chance to:
- See my boys come together, which gave me pride and hope for their future as better friends. And in the process, witness them be resilient AND use tools of how to shift perspectives so they could productively move forward. Yeah for good ‘ole “at least” statements!
- Hear them share about the importance of the family ornaments and what they represented: being grateful for all we do have. Some ornaments were made during the Great Depression and others were made by my parents when they didn’t have extra money to buy ornaments. Oh, oh they were listening all these years! They do listen!
- Experience their sadness and joy in the whole Christmas Tree debacle of 2023 which showed me that yes, yes family traditions matter and I’m so glad that I kept going this year to make sure this tradition happened, no matter what.
And lastly, well, it did make me think about balance. In all likelihood, the tree was too heavy in the front. When we bought it, it had a huge area in the back that was missing a branch. Didn’t dawn on me that there would be a problem with ornaments on the front. The tree was out of balance. It was too heavy. I want to write, I started to write, that I am the tree. That I am out of balance. Yes, I feel it a bit. I am struggling with balancing motherhood with me-hood with Orange Rhino-hood.
However, our Christmas Tree mattered to me from the start. I made it happen no matter every obstacle I faced. And it turned out, it really mattered to my boys too. I got my priorities right.
So I am not out of balance, life is just heavy and hard right now. I am just figuring it all out. Balance comes from wobbling left and right, back and forth. That is what I am doing. I might fall down because of the weight. I might fall down as I wobble.
But like the tree, I will stand tall again. And I will shine bright, again. SO WILL YOU. So. Will. You. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
