Author Archives: The Orange Rhino

Adult Friendship and Anxiety: What It Feels Like to Still Be Looking for Your People

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I had a different post planned for this morning. Something fun and upbeat. Something I knew everyone could relate to as a mom. Something I knew would lift me up, would bring me alive a bit.

And then last night happened. With a quick press on “send,” I was reminded how much I am struggling with friendships in this stage of life, with being accepted for who I am, with finding my people. I have a hunch I’m not alone in this, so here’s today’s post. May reading it and perhaps knowing you aren’t alone, uplift you 🙂

I sit here now, and I can’t help but think about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I guess, how hard it has always been for me to make friends, to keep them even.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember what it felt like to be rejected from friend groups at overnight camp when I was thirteen-ish, just because I was a little different.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember how I always felt like the third, or fourth wheel in elementary school, always the friend last to be called, sometimes even forgotten.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember all of the times in my life when I have been asked to be a part of friend groups, but my anxiety got in the way. I was sure they wouldn’t really like me or fully accept me. That’s what history told me. Anxiety, being bullied, and self-doubt are quite the tri-fecta, you know 😉

I sit here now, and I think of how I went to message someone who I have been friendly with for a while, only to discover I couldn’t.

I really liked this person. We had similar life stories. Similar values. She writes too, and I really thought that we could be friends, that we could connect over the ups and downs of this life. I was excited.

And I was blocked. Suddenly, as the “message failed to send” popped up, so did a lifetime of pain and insecurities. The upside? Years past, I would have spent a long while asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I say? Why doesn’t she like me? I would have spent hours reading messages, looking for clues for how I screwed up, how I acted weird, how I could have done better.

Last night, I simply was floored. I knew it wasn’t me. I knew I did nothing wrong. I was simply kind. Supportive. Excited for her. I was myself. The truth is, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve accepted that. (Okay, kind of.) And maybe it really wasn’t personal(ish.) And also… Another truth? It still hurts to be rejected.

And it’s disappointing to lose a connection that you thought, hoped, could have been a source of support. For me, it’s hard to find said support in a writing world that often feels lonely, confusing and harsh. Finding someone who got it felt lovely. Oh, and one more truth? It’s disheartening. Putting yourself out there, making new connections, sharing bits of yourself, being vulnerable as you do so, only to learn, “yeah, I’m actually not interested in chatting more?” Yeah, that’s hard.

Hard is actually quite the understatement. What’s harder is feeling lonely at times.

What’s harder is not having a lot of connections with people who understand you, who accept you, who share your joy, who see your pain.

What’s harder is not being able to easily find people with similar interests, similarish personalities, similarish stories so that they understand yours (mine is complex so this does matter.)

What’s harder is not having people to talk to about topics you love and find interesting, about problems you need some thoughts on, about shared memories and future planned memories.

What would be even harder? Giving up and no longer putting yourself out there. Making friends is hard at any age. But it’s important. Connection is a human need.

So keep going. Keep trying. I should and you should too. We all deserve it. Last night hurt. I take solace though knowing it wasn’t me.

And I take solace knowing how many wonderful people I have met here that are my online friends:) that I connect with daily and that I *will* all ten fingers crossed, meet someday at a big ‘ole Orange Rhino dinner at the beach. In friendship I send you warmth and strength,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. #1 You’re always welcomed and accepted here. Xoxo

P.S. #2 I didn’t mean to take this picture. I was trying to take a picture of the snow outside and had it on selfie mode by mistake.

But I looked so peaceful. So there you go. I will find me people and so will you. Again, xoxo   ​

What Yelling Less Taught Me About Being More Playful With My Kids

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Playful.Y’all. Not a word I would have ever used to describe myself. Never in one thousand years. But since I stopped yelling? Or rather, when I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind (sorry Billy Joel, kinda just changed your lyrics, what can I say, you inspire me), I am. I am so playful. I am relaxed. I am light.

But it isn’t because I am not yelling. I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind because of one thousand things I am doing or rather, working on, constantly.

Like managing my anxiety.
Exercising (which by the way is taking a boat load of mental motivation this week. Ugh.)
Writing to this wonderful community.
Crying to my therapist.
Letting go of my anger of which I have plenty this month. Plenty.

In the span of one month, I received a diagnosis that could have been prevented if I was listened to one year ago.

My son received a diagnosis on Monday that could have been prevented if I was listened to last year, and the year before, and the year before that and the year before that.

So yeah, I’m angry. But the anger isn’t doing me good. It’s heavy. It weighs me down. It doesn’t feel good. It isn’t fun.

So I said hello to it, shared it, processed it and said goodbye for the day. It will probably come back today. And I will repeat the process.

Because I’d rather be playful. It just feels better. When there is the rare opening to chat with my teens and the moon and stars align and our moods align, I want to be playful with them.

Like last night. Darling teenager had the vanilla Haggen-dazs. He was eating right out of it as there wasn’t much left. I could have been annoyed at the bad manners OR I could join in and eat the ice cream with him. (No comments please. We have all sat and shared ice cream with a loved one, no?) I choose to have fun. What did I do? I secretly got a spoon. Then I snuck up on him, grabbed the ice cream and ran for it. I didn’t make it very far. But I did get one really good bite. And a lot of laughter. That filled my soul more.

Learning to let go of anger.
Learning to manage my anxiety.
Learning to set boundaries for myself.
Learning to feel all the feels.
Learning to see beauty even on the darkest days.
Learning to live fully… Not easy things for me to learn.

But things that have such wonderful upside that they are worth my energy. I mean just look, the upside was a core memory with my teenager. If I was still stuck in angry and bitter, that wouldn’t have happened.

Here’s to learning the tough stuff. And vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Sending warmth and strength today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why Parenting Teenagers Is Hard in Ways We Can’t Always Talk About

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Having teenagers is hard and not for the reasons everyone talks about. It’s for the reasons no one talks about. Or writes about. Because we can’t. Or at least, I can’t. Or rather, I choose not to.

When my kids were younger, you know, the infant stage, the toddler stage, the pre-school stage and maybe even all the way up to third grade, I could more easily write and talk about the struggles of parenting them. I could share discreetly about their struggles, my struggles, our struggles. There was less wider judgement of them, more understanding that they were kids, they were still developing. There was more grace for them, for me. (Well, for the most part.) And, my kids’ friends were not on social media then and couldn’t read what I wrote which yes, is a current, problem.

Now, given my kids’ ages, I respect their request to honor their privacy. We have a pact about what I do and don’t write. I ask permission when needed and well, they sometimes tell me what I need to write, should write. All that said, years ago… I could share more freely when I wrote as The Orange Rhino and even when I spoke with friends. Sharing my struggles, my doubts, my hurts, well, we all know that when we share those things, when we no longer carry those heavy feelings by ourselves, that we feel lighter, brighter, better. That we feel less alone.

On my way into the house yesterday, after a few moments to myself in my minivan, thinking of all my boys and all the different stressors, it hit me hard just how much I am not sharing. It hit me hard how I am feeling.

I am carrying A LOT by myself right now. So very, very much. There is so much my heart is carrying that I can not share. My heart is heavy from worry, from sadness, from hurt, from exhaustion. My heart is heavy from loving my kiddos so gosh darn much. Parenting is wonderful, but whoa, is it a hard and heavy job to carry. But alas, I carry it the best that I can.

Yesterday, at around 3:30, after the last activity of the day, I announced to my boys, “Guys, I don’t feel well. I’m coming down with my annual winter cold. I’m wiped. And I need to do some things for me so that I feel better. So I’m going to focus on me all afternoon. Dinner is take-out. No fighting over where. I need a peaceful rest of the day. I need to re-charge and just chill.”

I needed to lighten my mental and physical load because well, the load of my life is heavy right now and I am carrying it mostly alone (save a few very special people whom I am so grateful for.) I feel a little better today. Slept a lot. Organized some cluttered spaces that were weighing me down. But of course it wasn’t enough to outweigh all the heaviness. That’s okay.

Today, I will do what I’ve been doing. I will find beauty where I can to add brightness to my day. I will call a friend and share some good laughs to lighten my day. And I will remind myself to just keep going, one step at a time. I’ve got this.

Parenting teens might be hard, but it is worth it. They are worth it. If you are carrying a lot on your heart that you can’t fully share, I get it. I see you. I’m sending you and your kiddo(s) my love. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Our Christmas Tree Came Crashing Down — and It Became a Beautiful Family Memory

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Some say they are just traditions, that teens don’t care so much. Some say it’s just a tree, to not worry about it. But trust me, after this year, I know more than ever, it is more than a tree and those traditions do matter.

In our family, in my family growing up, and in both of my parents’ families growing up, a Christmas Tree was something that brought people together.

That brought memories from years past, represented by special ornaments, to the present.

That brought excitement for the future upcoming big holiday, and even for unknown memories that would turn into ornaments, to the present.

A Christmas Tree brings the past, the present, and the future together in one beautiful place.

A Christmas Tree brings out old stories, new stories, and “I wonder what will happen” stories.

So when our Christmas Tree came crashing down the other day, I was crushed. I thought it would just be me. But it wasn’t. My four sons – 17, 15, 14 and 12 – stood in solidarity with me. Mouths wide open, just as shocked as I.

But the most beautiful thing happened next. After we all felt all our feelings, we came together. WE CAME TOGETHER, as Christmas Trees do to people.

My teenage sons generally don’t like working together lately.

But they did. Two helped clean up and cut the tree base so it would stand better. One took care of the dog so as to not get glass in her foot. One came with me to get the pizza which was no doubt now sitting cold at the restaurant.

But no one really ate. Instead, my sons wanted to keep working to clean up, to get the tree up, and to sort out which ornaments were broken beyond repair, which were saved, and which needed gluing. They wanted to fix all the strands of lights and replace the broken ones. They didn’t want to stop – and didn’t stop – until the tree was up, once again. I had kept my mumblings to myself about, “oh, there must be a lesson here.” I had accepted that sometimes crud happens and there isn’t a lesson to be had.

And yet…and yet… as we worked, my boys started sharing their thoughts, their insights, their takeaways.

“Mom, I’m so glad this one glass ornament of Great-Grandma’s didn’t break. It meant a lot to you. It represents a lot to our family.”

“Maybe the tree wasn’t balanced. Maybe it was too heavy in the front. Gravity stinks.”

“Sometimes things just fall over. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world. We’re fixing it.”

“If a Christmas Tree falls in a house, does anyone hear it?” hahaha.

“At least nobody got hurt.” “At least we still have a tree.”

As they shared all their thoughts, I couldn’t help but to reflect myself. Our tree came crashing down and I am so glad it did. YEP. It gave me a chance to:

  1. See my boys come together, which gave me pride and hope for their future as better friends. And in the process, witness them be resilient AND use tools of how to shift perspectives so they could productively move forward. Yeah for good ‘ole “at least” statements!
  2. Hear them share about the importance of the family ornaments and what they represented: being grateful for all we do have. Some ornaments were made during the Great Depression and others were made by my parents when they didn’t have extra money to buy ornaments. Oh, oh they were listening all these years! They do listen!
  3. Experience their sadness and joy in the whole Christmas Tree debacle of 2023 which showed me that yes, yes family traditions matter and I’m so glad that I kept going this year to make sure this tradition happened, no matter what.

And lastly, well, it did make me think about balance. In all likelihood, the tree was too heavy in the front. When we bought it, it had a huge area in the back that was missing a branch. Didn’t dawn on me that there would be a problem with ornaments on the front. The tree was out of balance. It was too heavy. I want to write, I started to write, that I am the tree. That I am out of balance. Yes, I feel it a bit. I am struggling with balancing motherhood with me-hood with Orange Rhino-hood.

However, our Christmas Tree mattered to me from the start. I made it happen no matter every obstacle I faced. And it turned out, it really mattered to my boys too. I got my priorities right.

So I am not out of balance, life is just heavy and hard right now. I am just figuring it all out. Balance comes from wobbling left and right, back and forth. That is what I am doing. I might fall down because of the weight. I might fall down as I wobble.

But like the tree, I will stand tall again. And I will shine bright, again. SO WILL YOU. So. Will. You. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Part 2: How a Spare Fuse Taught Me to Repair a Yelling Moment

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Did you know there is a spare fuse in the plug of Christmas tree lights?!?! I, did not lol. Don’t get me started. But there is! I found them and I replaced three blown fuses and voila! Light returned! Brightness returned! The strands were repaired, reconnected to each other and I moved onward with getting the Christmas tree lit. It was a beautiful reminder to me that when I “blow a fuse” (i.e. yell) I have a chance to repair.

The holiday season is stressful – for adults and kids alike. This isn’t a secret. It’s just full of MORE. More to do, more triggers, more overwhelm, more energy, more anxiety, more meltdowns, more stress. More yelling most likely 😉 Yelling happens from time to time. Yes, myself included. Yes, I wrote a book about how I stopped yelling and yes, I still yell on occasion. And no, no I am not ashamed to admit that. And no, no it doesn’t make me a bad mom, a bad parent, or a bad anything.

It means I’m human. It means I was having a tough moment and I responded in a way that likely showed how I was feeling on the inside about myself or my life. AND also, it doesn’t mean I can’t come back from that moment. Just because I blew a fuse, just because I yelled, doesn’t mean I can’t turn the moment around. My Christmas lights – all three strands that I blew the other day – reminded me of this.

So if you find yourself having just yelled from all the go-go-go of the holiday season, look around and find a light to look at and remember, The moment can be repaired. You too can bring light and connection back to the moment. Apologize for hurting the feelings of the one you love. Validate how it must have made them feel to hear you yell. Explain what you could have done differently to not yell, what you could have done to help yourself calm down.

Then perhaps go take that moment to yourself to get a little more grounded. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 of this story, it gets even better. Which I didn’t think was possible 😉

Part 1: I Blew Out My Christmas Tree Lights Because I Wouldn’t Take a Break

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The strand flickered when plugged in. I ignored the warning sign. It was just a flicker, right? Besides, I wanted to be done. I had so much to do. I didn’t want to take a break. I didn’t want to be slowed down.

The result? I blew out 3 strands. I had to start over. Not taking a break actually slowed me down. I should have taken the break. Come back Monday, for Part 2: When Fuses Blow…

In the meanwhile, take that break today my friends, no matter how hard. It doesn’t have to be literal, it can be doing something restorative for you. Do tell! I’m going to get a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha to get in the holiday spirit 🙂 Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Survival Mode Is Not a Personal Failure

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A moment of real honesty: I am not currently thriving. I am in survival mode. And I struggle with that some days. Carry shame around it even. There is so much unspoken pressure to thrive. To strive even. To not be in survival mode. I go on Instagram and these messages bombard me. 

Are you in Survival Mode? Here’s how to get out!

Are you Thriving? Go you! Rock On!

Are you Striving towards your goals? Why not? Here’s How!

Listen, I am all for these three points. I think you know this about me;) I have nothing against these three points. I have books about all three topics. I love these topics!!!

This is not against them. I repeat. This post is greater than that. I love the feeling of thriving. Who doesn’t? I want us all to have that feeling of flourishing and feeling alive and fulfilled.

And I love me some goals and going after them. I mean, I wrote a book about learning to yell less and how I went a year without yelling 😉 I have been a Type A goal setter probably since I was able to set and go after goals.

And I do not love the feeling of being in survival mode. It’s exhausting, unfulfilling on most days, and makes my body just feel cruddy all over. Hello migraines, knots in my back, blurry vision, memory loss, decision making fatigue. I could go on and on and on. And at the same time, I’m not a fan of how these words are being presented to all of us. There needs to be an asterisk, a qualifier. A more realistic, honest statement after them.

Here’s my take. I accept that there is one common denominator in all three of these words: Thrive, Strive, Survive. The thread? the three letters I-V-E. Which are all part of the word LIVE. To me part of the definition of TO LIVE means to Thrive some days, To Strive towards goals most days and To simply Survive other days. All three modes are NORMAL and a part of LIFE.

There is no shame if I am in survival mode and there is no extra glory if I am in thriving and striving mode. I go in and out of all three modes constantly. While I love striving and thriving, I do not always need to, nor is it necessarily good for me. And while I accept being in survival mode at times, I know I can’t stay there because that too isn’t good for me.

This week has been a blending of Surviving and Striving to get out of survival mode. Hopefully next week will feel more like Thriving. Who knows. I just keep moving forward-ish.

What I do know is that this morning, I momentarily felt uninspiring because I have been “just” surviving* and then I remembered THAT IS OKAY. I am Surviving. I AM LIVING. I am showing up. I am still charging towards the life I want…which is one where I no longer let the obstacles overwhelm and overshadow my days so much that I miss out on the good that still shines bright.

So sure, I feel blech about life this week because I am “just surviving” but honestly, that in itself is inspiring. Life can be hard. Parenting is hard. Remaining determined, courageous, hopeful through it all? WHICH ALL OF YOU ARE…inspiring. Sending warmth and strength to you today – to live your day today without shame of where you are on your journey today. Surviving, Striving, Thriving…You are Showing up and Living and Moving Forward and that my Friend is Awesome.

*If you too are in survival mode, but it feels more heavy than just survival and just a phase, please reach out to an expert for support. Life is hard and complicated and all those who love you, need you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How I Used Compassion to Turn My Teen Son’s Mood Around and Strengthen Our Relationship

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Two of my sons were mad at me.

“Why did you do it for him? That’s so not fair!” One of my sons said for me.

Another son chimed right on in, clearly thrilled that his brother paved the way.
“Seriously mom. You don’t do that for us! We have to do it? This is ridiculous!”

The Orange Rhino Overflowing Laundry Basket

My sons laundry basket is overflowing…my heart overflowed with compassion and understanding of his struggle and saw an opportunity to help.

The charge against me? I washed and put away one of their brother’s clothes while he as out at practice. Yep. Guilty as charged. On all accounts.

Do I normally have each child wash and put away their own laundry? Yep. They are capable of it and I believe if they can, they should.

But there is something else I also normally do that these two very upset brothers were missing. I help when needed. And that day, this one son needed my help.

“Guys. I actually would do the same for you, and I have. If you see someone struggling…maybe they fell off a bike, or are in the deep end of a pool and are showing distress, what do you do? What do I do? I jump in the pool and or I run over to the kid and I help. I get that kid to safety.

Your brother is overwhelmed and struggling.

When we are in that place, a messy room with overflowing laundry, it just adds to the struggle and makes it harder to get out of the bad mood. I know. I’ve been there. Some day your brother will realize that on his own, same with you. Until then, one way to learn, is for me to show him how much better it feels to have a clean room and clean clothes.

So yes, I did his laundry and picked up his room. I’d do it for you too. And notice, I didn’t do it right away. I gave a him a chance for a while. I waited. But there comes a point, when people need a little help and in this family, we help.

Okay so obviously I didn’t say those exact words because if I remembered all of that, that would be impressive. But it was close. But these, I did say for verbatim,

“And again, I would do the same for you. K? And please, please be kind to him. Someday when you are struggling, he will be kind to you. We all struggle. We will all need help someday. Remember that.”

A couple of years ago, this would not have been how the story went. Why not?

Because I would have been too stuck on the “principle” of teaching my son the importance of doing his chores and learning the hard way about how dirty laundry stinks, no pun intended.

Because I would have been too stuck on parenting the “right way” instead of being a loving human person “the right way.”

Because I would have been too stuck on listening to all the voices of society and social media telling me how to raise a good kid and likewise how to screw up. I would have been too stuck to listen to the most important voice, the voice inside of me, yelling loudly, begging to be heard, that screamed:

LEAD BY EXAMPLE that is how you truly teach and what you believe!

Show him love. Show him grace. Show him support. This is what you believe!

Show your son how to take care of mental health because that – that is the base for getting all chores done, for getting life done for that matter.

Show him how laundry isn’t just a chore, but how good clean clothes and a clean room feels. How good not having chores hanging over our heads feel.

Show him how loving acts of kindness help others and ourselves.

Now, I know some people say, “but wait a second, can’t he learn how good all of the above things are by doing it himself?” YES, yes he can. But again, sometimes, sometimes we all get stuck and need help. Sometimes, we can’t see for ourselves what we need.
I know that is true for me. Our teens, our kids are humans too. I treat them as I would want to be treated. If I was overwhelmed (oh…wait lol) I would want help to help get me through the rough patch.

* * * *

The morning after my infamous cleaning job…my son came downstairs in a PLEASANT mood for the first time in weeks. Oh my gosh, I just got all choked up.

“Mom, did you do that?”

“Yes, sweetie, I did.”

He walked over and gave me a hug.

“Thank you. It was really nice to come home to last night.”

Doing the laundry for him on occasion isn’t the end of the world…it was showing him a world of kindness. Parenting and Life aren’t always easy, but with love and support, we get through the rough patches.

Sending warmth and strength as always,
Love,
The Orange Rhino

Another popular Teen Post? 
How to Not Yell at Teenagers, According to My Teen!
https://theorangerhino.com/how-to-not-yell-at-teenagers-according-to-my-teen/

Get *almost* daily stories at The Orange Rhino Facebook page about my life with my four teenagers and my journey to discover what keeps me in a goodish place, even when life is challenging and charging at me, so that I can love my life and time with my kids as much as possible.

Letting Go as Teenagers Become Independent is Hard

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I told myself I wouldn’t cry.

My worried mama heart had other plans. I quickly looked away so my son wouldn’t see me as I wiped away my tears. He needed to feel my confidence, not my concerns. He needed to feel that I believed in him, that I believed that everything was going to work out okay.”

Don’t let him see your tears this time. You’re gonna be okay. He’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay. Think of a happy thought.” Okay. Back to slightly more grounded. Moving forward.

I told myself I wouldn’t cry again…
but my now weary, tired mama heart had other plans. We had worked through as many scenarios as possible, but no one thought of this one.

Panic started to come in and pushed the tears out. I stayed calm. I turned my back to my son once more and called to him to keep walking with me, forward, together, as I discreetly wiped away my tears.

“He needs your strength and problem solving.” I said to myself.

“He needs your determination and calm. You got this. You’re going to be okay. He is going to be okay. It will be okay.”

“Mom, it’s okay. I’ll be okay” He said to me in a shaky, nervous voice as he walked next to me. I am sure he was also saying to himself, “You got this. You will be okay. It will be okay. Be strong. Be calm. Keep it together.” Maybe he wasn’t. But I bet he was.

“We will find a way, I promise. Not giving up yet, k? And we aren’t going to worry until we need to and I know you’ll be fine if we don’t get the answer we want.” I said to him.

I scanned the area for a loving, helpful, friendly face. Spotted! She had the coolest glasses. The warmest smile. And a mom vibe. “Come on,” I said to my son. “I see someone who looks like a loving mom who will understand. Let’s see if she’ll help.”

“Hi…” I started to talk, my voice trembling, tears forming. I explained the situation and somehow through my mumbling she understood. She didn’t hesitate. She reached out her hand, and gestured,

“Don’t worry, I got you. Come on.” And she did. She had us both.

I told myself I wouldn’t cry but here I am in Newark Airport crying again…this time not out of worry but joy and pure gratitude. I would have hugged this TSA agent if I could have.

You see this was the first time any of my kids is flying solo to visit go somewhere. I’ve been a mess. It’s a milestone. An important one on so many levels. One of growth, one of letting go literally and figuratively…for me and for my son.

We both have anxiety (I share that with permission.) He was totally ready to do this but he still wanted me to go to the gate with him. I was obviously happy to oblige He had TSA pre-check and I didn’t. He doesn’t like crowded lines (me neither buddy, me neither) or running late and the regular line was loooong. Standing in that line was just gonna add to the unspoken building anxiety that morning. This was the third unexpected mishap in fifteen minutes. Thank goodness for this wonderful TSA agent that took care of us. And here I am crying again as I sit here, on the other side of security, waiting for him to board.

I’ve been holding in my emotions for weeks and still haven’t fully exhaled. Waiting to. I’ll exhale a little at 11:00 when he lands and fully when he lands back in Newark.

Until then, I sit here with my son answering his questions and what if’s, that are helping to soothe his anxiety (and consequently, mine.) In between the questions I remind myself how proud I am of him, how far he has come and how he WILL be okay. How, lol, I can finally relax a bit after he lands successfully later today!

* * * * *

He has boarded the plane. I knew I wouldn’t get a hug goodbye – that would be too hard. He was focused on staying calm and not showing his nerves. I get it. Been there done that couple hours earlier. He walked on the jetway and the tears started. Didn’t want to be a bawling mess so I quickly turned to find a place to be in private while I waited for his flight to take off.

The Orange Rhino SunriseAs I turned I noticed the most beautiful, perfectly timed sight. The sunrise. How appropriate.

A NEW DAY, a new phase of my son’s life has begun. It too is beautiful.

I walked over to the other side of the terminal and watched the sun slowly rise. Hesitant, but strong. Like my son. I soaked in the beauty, the glow, the energy, the peace. The promise of a new day and good things to come.

* * * * *

I wrote this yesterday. He has landed. And today is another new day with good things to come.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today and always,

The Orange Rhino®

 

Another popular Teen Post? 
How to Not Yell at Teenagers, According to My Teen!
https://theorangerhino.com/how-to-not-yell-at-teenagers-according-to-my-teen/

Get *almost* daily stories at The Orange Rhino Facebook page about my life with my four teenagers and my journey to discover what keeps me in a goodish place, even when life is challenging and charging at me, so that I can love my life and time with my kids as much as possible.

 

Learning to Re-Charge So I Don’t Charge (by Yelling)

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I sat down at the kitchen table and mumbled, “Finally, sitting down for the first time today.”

And then I part laughed, part sighed to myself.
This wasn’t the first time I was sitting down.

I sat in the minivan driving for an hour.
I sat at the soccer game for an hour and a half minus a walk to the bathroom.
I sat in the minivan earlier, not just driving to the soccer game, but driving this kid here and that kid there.
I sat in the same spot writing the grocery list before that.
And before that I sat helping a kiddo with their homework.

In fact, I did a lot more sitting than I liked that day. A lot more. Why was I so excited to be sitting down…again? Didn’t all the sitting down earlier in the day count? Wasn’t it exciting?

I have this elusive belief that “finally sitting down” = rest.
But honestly, that is hardly what it means in my life.


Rarely does sitting down ever mean rest if I am in mom mode; or even if I am not in mom mode but my kids are awake and I am waiting to be in mom mode.

Sitting down at the dinner table?
My mind is still going and I am keeping the peace and working with my children how to resolve their conflicts on their own so we can have a civilized meal

Sitting down in the car?
I am asking for a little quiet so I can focus on the directions to the field in the middle of absolutely, positively nowhere.

Sitting down doing math homework?
I don’t think I need to explain that and I am a math dork and this stuff isn’t straightforward anymore.

Sitting down watching a tv show?
I am interrupted with dog barking, a sudden need from someone in my house, etc…Honestly I am making a shirt that says, “A mom at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by a child.” Trademarking that now.

Sitting down by myself, kids all out and about?
The phone rings because someone needs to be picked up early.

This isn’t a bad thing. I love all of the times sitting in the car with my kids (okay, most all.) I love helping them and attempting to have family meals together. We will get there…. And also, it just isn’t exactly restful. It’s exhausting sometimes and it takes a lot of energy.

The only time my mind is at rest is when I am asleep and even that isn’t a guarantee. See Exhibit 4:58 am when I woke up before my alarm. And the only time my body is truly at rest when sitting? Is if I actively make it be and that, lol, takes work too…so then my mind isn’t at rest either.

Good news? I am aware of this predicament. I am actively working to be more restful when I can be during the say. See Exhibit photograph. The Orange Rhino is TiredI’m tired. My face isn’t healing well from skin cancer surgery. I’m getting irritable. I continue to put “intentional rest” on my priority list, or in Orange Rhino language, re-charging.

I am actively working on boundaries at home too – if I am sitting and resting – leave me be for a bit.  There’s another product. I’m going to make a hat and the back will say: “Re-charging. Do not Interrupt.” I will put it on, go to my kitchen table, sit down, put my head down, and let my message read loud and clearly.

Today, this is going to be hard. It’s go-go-go from 8:00am until 10:00pm (yeah, club volleyball is back!) So next small step? Look at my calendar and find just 5 minutes to take a break and re-charge. I can find five minutes. Or even five, one-minutes scattered throughout the day. What about you?

Sending warmth and strength today to you as always,

Love,
The Orange Rhino

Feeling tired too? Needing to re-charge? Join us in The Orange Rhino Community where we support each other and connect daily – one of the best forms of re-charging there is!