Tag Archives: Teen Parenting

Never Underestimate the Power of a Small Act of Kindness

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PSA: Never underestimate the power of an act of kindness. Ever. Also, controversial post coming. Kinda. For some it is, for me, it is so far from it.

My day started out pretty rough yesterday, hence no post. I will share about it tomorrow when I am one more day removed from it.

Today I will share what helped me come out of the gray patch. **** It was 5:15am and tears were running down my face. I tried my hardest to recover. To pull myself out of, well, some pretty cruddy, self-defeating, do me no good feelings. The struggle was real and I wasn’t winning. I called my mom to share one thousand different thoughts about all sorts of things and she said to me, “Well, you know what The Orange Rhino would say, right?” I knew where she was going.

My mom is wayyy more overly positive than I am. I am more realist than she is. Yes, yes I am an optimist. Yes, yes I look for the positive, for the bright spots. Absolutely, positive-friggin-lutely. (Yes, yes I also have a wee bit of a sailor’s mouth, sorry!) However, I also, unapologetically, believe that it is 1000% okay to admit to and fully feel the feels FIRST before seeing the positive, before being an optimist.

In fact, I emphatically believe it is necessary. And I told my mom that. “MOM. NO. That is not what The Orange Rhino would say. She would say, it is okay to not feel happy right this moment. It is okay to not be able to see the bright spots right now because sometimes, sometimes LIFE IS JUST HARD. Sometimes life just HURTS. Sometimes, sometimes no matter how many mental health tricks we try, no matter how well we talk to ourselves, no matter how well we process and rationalize what has happened, IT STILL STINKS and in the moment there is no bright spot.

The Orange Rhino would say, mom, to feel that, to honor that, to hold space for those feelings so they can breathe…SO THAT I CAN BREATHE and not be suffocated by the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. The Orange Rhino would say, let it out, let it flow freely so it can flow through you and you can move forward, a little bit lighter because it is THEN that you can see the bright spots and have space, MORE SPACE to let them in and fully embrace them.”

“Okay,” my mom said. “Yep. Got it.”

Y’all, my mom is reading this;) so here’s a bright spot for her;) at least I had someone to call. I know many of you will read this and wish you still had your mom to call. Hugs to you. And mom, here is another bright spot for ya. And here’s where the PSA comes into play. I hope The Orange Rhino I’m writing about is reading this! Not two hours after I got home, I saw a car I didn’t recognize driving past my house.

Our house number is not exactly easy to find. Y’all. Yesterday was my birthday and this Orange Rhino, a most wonderful person who I know from here and there but have never had the honor of actually grabbing lunch or coffee with, just chatting with at exercise class or in the bleachers, was at my door with flowers. She didn’t know about my morning. She was just being herself. Thoughtful. Kind.

And it turned my ENTIRE DAY around. It made me feel seen, loved. It gave me hope. One act. Probably took here ten, maybe fifteen minutes.

And it changed hours of my life. Take the time. Do the act. For someone else, or for yourself. The investment is worth it. I guarantee it. Be the warm, bright in someone’s day. You won’t regret it. And while you’re at. Be real and true to yourself. You won’t regret it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are needing a friend to show up at your door right now with flowers. Please know, that if I won the lottery today, I would be sending flowers to all of you daily to let you know I see you, I get you, and I’m rooting for you.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Life Feels Hard and You’re Afraid to Say It Out Loud

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I’ve had a hard couple of days. And not just because it took me way longer to fully get better than I hoped. And not just because this meant that I couldn’t do things that helped me be in a good mind space: exercise, walk outside, hang with friends.

But because I’m having a hard time with this thing called LIFE. Time for transparency 🙂 (And pause. Do I dare share how I really feel right now? Will I be misunderstood? Judged? Do I want to be this vulnerable? I don’t know. Let’s write and see what comes out. Don’t you all love how I talk to myself midpost lol?)

I’m “bored.”

I’m finding life to be monotonous; everyday is the same ole, same ole. It’s uninspiring, unfulfilling. It’s anything but fun. The daily grind is simply weighing me down right now. I have so many daily needs that I have to get to that I can’t get to what I want to get to 🙁

I’m frustrated.

I’m finding parenting my four teens to be a never ending question of “is it ever going to click?” All of them are having me questioning my parenting, myself, right now. Frustrating is an understatement. I know I am a good parent and yet…and yet…really guys?!!!

I’m worried.

I’m finding myself not where I hoped I’d be work wise or finance wise by now. I’m finding myself wondering if many aspects of my life will work out okay, especially my kiddos.

I’m tired.

I’m finding it takes a lot of energy to keep going, to remain engaged, when one is bored, frustrated and worried. Like a lot, a lot. It’s hard to stay upbeat and energetic when one doesn’t have a lot of sources of positive, uplifting moments.

Right now, life is depleting, not giving. Or rather, it is taking more than it’s giving. This place gives me a lot:) but the rest of life is simply taking at a rapid pace and I can’t keep up.

So I guess you could summarize all of this with…

I’m struggling.

I realized this weekend that some of what I need to help me is what I’m missing: laughter, fun, in person human connection and clarity. I can’t make the daily grind disappear. I can’t change my kiddos current actions. I can’t make my life journey go any faster.

But I can add and create some positive oomph to my days. I can proactively add some orange energy to warm up the grayness. I can make plans with friends. I can watch a funny movie. I can adjust my exercise to give me more energy. I can reflect on my goals to get more clarity. I am struggling, but I can take action so that the struggle doesn’t win.

I’ve been there before, where the struggle won. I started yelling again. I stopped seeing as much beauty around me. It was blech. I don’t plan on going back there again. I’ve got one toe in that zone. The good news? I’m aware.

And I know what I gotta do. The other good news? I know where I want to go, I know where I don’t want to go and I know what I want to feel. I feel positive and hopeful that while I might still struggle, because I am human after all and these seasons happen, I will be okay. I will keep going.

And I guess I will post this after all. At least for a couple of minutes while I debate if it should stay up 😉 So, what will you do today to energize yourself and wrap yourself in positive energy so that the daily grind doesn’t win and bring you down?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling bored, worried, tired or any of what I shared above. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*remember, I’m not a mental health expert. This is just me sharing my human experience. If you are having a hard time in life, know you aren’t alone and if you feel like you need help, please reach out to a professional for support. There is no shame in doing so. I talk to a therapist weekly 🙂 xoxo

How Tuning Into My Teen’s Needs Led to the Conversation I’d Been Waiting For

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It happened…but it almost didn’t, because of me. I’m so glad I woke up and tuned into my teenager’s needs. Last night, I had a forty minute adult conversation with my teenager. Like a legit, adult to adult chat about important things. Really, really important things. I’ve been waiting for this exact conversation to happen for a couple of years.

And it was great and wonderful and all the things I’ve dreamed it to be. The questions he asked were thoughtful. The statements made were insightful, beyond insightful. The conclusions were spot on.

And then…and then… I started nodding off 🙁 ARGH! I so wanted to stay awake. To keep my son talking, to keep the conversation that I had longed for, going. But I couldn’t stay awake. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was exhausted. (And you know because of course it was past 9:00!)

But you know what? I still savored every word my teenager said. Especially the, “hey mom, you look really tired. I think you need to go to bed. We can talk more tomorrow. You need to sleep. I love you.” And with that, just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended.

But the conversation almost didn’t start…because I was so exhausted. He had come into my office where I was seeking quiet. He chitter-chattered away and I reactively replied, “hey buddy, I just need a minute. I just got back from back to school night and I’ve 

been up since 5 and had a loooong day.” Not going to lie, I was hoping he would take the hint. I didn’t have it in me to actively listen.

I was more than physically tired. I was emotionally tired. It had been a day. It’s been a couple of weeks. I’m so glad he didn’t take my hint though. He kept chatting.

So I took his hint that I had missed. He wanted to connect. No, he needed to connect. I got up and said, “Let’s go talk in the family room.” The rest 

is history. Last night was the beginning of a new chapter for my son and me. It was the beginning of a new chapter for him.

And it almost didn’t happen. You know what made it happen? The Orange Rhino Challenge and The Orange Rhino 2.0

The Orange Rhino Challenge taught me to yell less which helped me become responsive instead of reactive. Without it, I totally would have been snappy at him when he wouldn’t stop talking and he might have shut down and said, “You know what, forget it” and walked away. 98% chance of that. The Orange Rhino 2.0 (that’s the season I’m in now, don’t have a new name yet) is reminding me to create and live a brighter, lighter life so that I have the energy to remain responsive even as I face life’s daily challenges.

I’m more grateful than ever for The Orange Rhino this morning. The little logo that could;) I’m so glad it stayed with me all these years and encouraged me to keep going, to be warm, to remain chill. Seriously. And I’m so grateful you all have stayed with me and given me a place to write, to be, to think, to grow. Last night also happened because of the community you offer. THANK YOU. Just thank you. Last night was a gift that happened because of The Orange Rhino.

Call it cheesy, call it whatever. I call it amazing.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are holding onto hope for the day you have that “one” conversation with someone dear to you, that one where they finally get it. I hope it happens soon.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Word I Never Thought I’d Use to Describe Myself

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The minute the word came off of my tongue, I stopped right in my tracks. “Did I really just say THAT word?” I asked myself. “Me, Sheila? I used that word, ever so nonchalantly? WHOA. Time out Celtics!”

Don’t worry. It wasn’t a bad word, or a word that I would correct my teenagers from using and then bust into a not-lecture-but-totally-a-lecture filled with “when I was a kid we never said those words and how is that word normalized and I’m worried about your generation” vibes.

I mean, it was the F word… but a good F word. A happy word even. Actually, it was several words strung together, a phrase! Are you ready for it?

“I had a lot of FUN today….”

F…U…N…FUN! I had just walked in the door with my boys from camp/work pick up and said, “I had a lot of fun today, who wants to see what I worked on?” I literally couldn’t believe I used the word fun. I was just so excited and wanted to share my joy.

Besides, of the three kids with me (one kiddo is still sick) one is artsy, one is into design and one is into math. I thought they might be interested in my excitement. Spoiler alert: (1) I was talking to teens and (2) exhaustion from camp made their interest a big NO. Which was fine, I got right back to my project and right back to having… MORE FUN. The project? I was drawing new floor plans for our kitchen/mudroom.

After two architects falling through because of personal reasons, I’m now waiting on a third one, and well, I got tired of waiting for the project to start.

So, I ever so happily took matters into my own hands. Ever. So. Happily. Cabinets are falling off the wall. Appliances are leaking and breaking. This project can’t wait any longer. Besides, I always wanted to be an architect. I have loved design and homes and creating beauty since I was a little girl. Floor designs bring my love of math, my love of puzzles, and my love of beauty all together in one place.

So, with my tracing paper out, my pencil in one hand, my architectural ruler in another, I started drawing line, after line, after line. I was in heaven as I imagined and re-imagined, drew and erased.

The only thing never erased? My happiness or my clarity about how much I love design. I was so at peace. I was challenged, in a good way. I was fulfilled as I finished one concept, ready to go on to the next. I was happy. I was having fun, so much fun. It was glorious. It isn’t that I don’t have fun. I do.

I had fun last week when my friend came over and we floated in the pool and just chatted.

I had fun talking on the phone with my best friend the other day.

I had fun joking yesterday morning when I called up to my almost 18 year old to see if he was ready and his reply was, “Oh good morning, I see you’ve had your coffee mom.” And I replied, “Oh yes, I have, shall we see if your brother has?!” But in general, in general, I wouldn’t say that I would describe my life as “fun.” That’s a bummer.

That’s now really how I want to live. I don’t need to be a party animal. I don’t need to have boat loads of fun everyday.

But I do want to have some fun everyday. I do want to do MORE of WHAT I ENJOY, more often. It isn’t that I am actively choosing not to. It isn’t that I am over-prioritizing the kids and yada. It’s just that, to be honest,

  1. I’m still honing in on activities, hobbies and experiences that bring me true enjoyment! Yes, I know what I like, but as my kids have gotten older and I have returned to having more time to myself, I am just getting back to more time for me! I know some of them. Photography. Arranging floral bouquets. Going to the beach. Celebrating others and doing random acts of kindness. Bowling. Watching the sunrise. Hiking. House design. Cake decorating. Writing, creating, designing, doing anything related, like interacting with you all:)
  2. I forget to stop and do the above activities! I get so caught up in managing the household, in doing this and doing that, that I don’t stop and do things that I enjoy. I know, I know. I need to schedule them. Routines and schedules and systems, well, I’m working on getting into them;) #ADHDlife
  3. On top of all this, I’ve been asking myself some hard questions lately, like:
    + Which activities can I do here and there to get bursts or fun and…
    + Which activities could I get lost in for hours?
    + Which activities could I do more often, for longer, so I can really say, yes, my life is fun, because I LOVE what I do?

FUN is all relative. Fun is different for me today than it was years ago and even one year ago. And it’s different for me than it is for you. What is the same for all of us, and the same today, and in the past, and yes and in the future, is what we all need. Fun fuels the soul.

I felt SOOO good yesterday. So good. What will you do today that will be fun? That will light you up? Do tell below! And if you can’t do it, tell us anyway. Believe it or not, it’s a trick that will make your brain even feel a little bit better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are in the process of getting back to yourself and getting back to adding more fun, on your terms, into your day. The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness, without a full cup of coffee post, reflecting a current challenge I am processing so that I can keep moving forward towards being the me I want to be and living the life I want to live.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Mother’s Day Can Be Complicated: Making Room for Joy, Grief and Everything Else

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It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow, a day intended to be filled with joy, celebration, acknowledgement, rest and more. But in reality, it’s a day that for many is a day filled with sadness, loss, grief, disappointment, exhaustion and more. This post is dedicated to all the women who, like me, are feeling ambivalent about tomorrow. I see you, I feel your discomfort, your sadness, and I would do anything to make tomorrow a little brighter for you.

Truly. Since I can’t physically send you all flowers and cards telling you how special you are, know that I’m thinking of you and you’re not alone in these feelings. * I’m a single mom to four boys, teenage boys to boot. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when I was married and my son’s dad worked with my kiddos to ensure the day was special and I was acknowledged for all my hard work as a mom. I will not receive a card that says, “Thank you and the boys are lucky to have you as their mom.” The loss of the appreciation will be felt deeply.

Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were toddlers and made cute hand printed gifts and took naps during the day so I too could rest. The loss of thoughtful, unrushed gifts will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my kids were in elementary school, and I was newly divorced, but the teachers helped the kids to make cards, ensuring that I was thought of on that first Mother’s Day as a single mom.

The loss of carefully written cards with caring messages will be felt. Mother’s Day will not look like it did when my boys were just pre-teens and had less intense bickering matches because well, they weren’t fully teenagers yet and hormones and stress hadn’t fully entered the house. The loss of more family time together, laughing, will be felt. And Mother’s Day will absolutely, positively, 110% not look or feel like I imagined it before I ever even became a mom.

The loss of that dream will be felt. Life is different today. My dreams of what my life would look like as a mom, how it would feel, how I would be supported, are entirely, 110% different. On many days I have come to terms with that. And on many days, it still hurts. Mother’s Day is confusing for so many. It isn’t just a cheerful, “I love you” holiday. It’s also a cheerful and “I lost…” and “I long for…” holiday.

I lost my mother.

I lost a child.

I lost a relationship with my mother.

I lost my spouse, the one who helped make me a mother.

I lost a partner, and now I help my kids celebrate me because I am alone.

I long to be a mother.

I long for more children.

I long to actually be appreciated as a mother.

I long to find motherhood less overwhelming. 

I long to have a day off, an hour off, a mere break.

𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓’𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔, 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆.

It’s a tough day. It isn’t all flowers and brunches and cards and family dinners. There are also tears and quiet wishes for things to be different and reflective moments and feelings of loneliness and “is it Monday yet, but wait, this moment is special too.” Many of us, myself included, will go through the day, smiling then wiping away tears. Smiling some more, laughing even, then wiping away tears. Mother’s Day will be long and exhausting for me, and perhaps for you too.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and all the moms and women whose hearts are full, but also are hurting, healing, and hoping for things to get better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When a Teen Health Scare Changes the Way You See Everything

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I experienced the most beautiful thing Friday afternoon with my son. Two weeks earlier, I had experienced a most scary moment with him. This son eats, breathes, lives for volleyball, plays year round. He was on the court for the first game of the high school season. I turned to his younger brother, who is just getting into the game, and said, “Something doesn’t look right. Your brother looks gray. He looks out of it. He must not have slept well.”

Just then, the ball headed to him. He positioned his body to hit it. Now, he has done this loads of times in the same gym, same lighting conditions. Folks, he completely whiffed. Not a little, but a heck of a lot.

And it wasn’t just an oops, “I misjudged and had a bad swing.” It was a, “what just happened to me” kind of miss. Afterwards, he blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes. He looked up to the stands, scanning the crowd for me. Once he spotted me, he started motioning to me, pointing to his eyes, mouthing something to me which I of course couldn’t understand seeing as I was far away from him but I loved that he was trying to communicate with me 🙂 I was so grateful to be there, to have witnessed that event.

It was unsettling to say the least. But I was glad to be able to see it with my own eyes. The game continued. He did not play well. He was completely off. Something clearly was bothering his eyes, his head. The game ended and he rushed over to me.

“Mom, mom. I need to go to a doctor. I feel like I am going to pass out. I can’t stand the bright lights. My head hurts.” Indeed, his eyes were completely dilated. Of course he couldn’t stand the lights.

“What happened on the court?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I lost track of the ball. Everything went blurry. I couldn’t see it. It’s like what happened right before spring vacation.” I’ve had vision problems for years and ended up at a neuro-ophthalmologist in NYC to help me out. It’s unsettling when everything goes blurry and it hurts like heck under bright lights.

I took him to the pediatrician the next day and he cleared him of the major stuff (no concussion, no medications, anxiety attack, etc…) and agreed with the eye specialist I had set for Thursday…and neurologist for potential ocular migraines like me, or more.

It was a miracle that we got an eye appointment within two days. This doctor is normally at least six months but my son’s symptoms were deemed emergency.

Now, he always had an ever so slight nearsighted diagnosis, but not worthy of glasses or cause of symptoms. Turns out, it changed.

But barely…just enough for glasses…but not the cause of the symptoms. “Get glasses, but also get to a neurologist,” the eye doctor said to us. Swell, I thought. Another appointment to fight for.

So good news, but not total relief news. But good enough news. Because it’s what brings me to the most beautiful part of the story. Friday I took my son to pick up his glasses. I wish I had video. You know those videos of babies hearing for the first time? Or seeing for the first time? Where you just can’t help but cry?

Okay, imagine a teenager who doesn’t smile a lot. Now, put glasses on him for the first time in his life. Then, add the biggest, shite eating grin ever. And leave it on there for at least an hour. Or longer.

“MOM! OMG! Everything is so clear! The colors are so bright! OMG! OMG! I can see so well!” He. Couldn’t. Stop. Smiling. It was so incredibly beautiful. The optometrist was smiling. I was crying (discreetly of course, because you know, with teens in public lol.) Another mom was smiling, telling me when her daughter got her pair of glasses.

It was beautiful beyond words. Beyond words. I’m tearing up now thinking about it. I love this kid and how much he appreciates the beauty in the world. While the glasses don’t provide a total explanation of his symptoms, they do provide a little relief from the total stress of the situation. They do provide some clarity, some peace and for that I am grateful. For me, for him. It’s been just a few days with his glasses and my son is still smiling EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t love how he looks.

I mean, he’s a teenager with a little acne and now with glasses. BUT he can see the world in a better light and that is making everything a little bit better. How’s that for inspiring? We don’t always have to be 100% positive. Nope. But how about just see things in a little bit better of a light so that we can handle things, so that we can endure the hard things – the long waits for answers, the getting through tough challenges, the exhausting new parenting seasons – just a little bit better? Not ignore the hard things, not, not talk about them. Just adjust our mindsets, our views, our actions so that we can handle the hard stuff a little bit easier.

It just feels so much better to feel BOTH. The hard stuff and then add in some good stuff too. Like seeing the beauty in life a little more clearly. The sun is shining here again today. Gosh, I’m grateful. It’s cheesy as all get out. I know.

But I’m going to absorb all the happiness of seeing and feeling the sunshine I can get today. I need it to help me get through this week. What beauty can you fully absorb today? What do you find utterly beautiful? Or what do you create that’s beautiful?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What Yelling Less Taught Me About Being More Playful With My Kids

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Playful.Y’all. Not a word I would have ever used to describe myself. Never in one thousand years. But since I stopped yelling? Or rather, when I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind (sorry Billy Joel, kinda just changed your lyrics, what can I say, you inspire me), I am. I am so playful. I am relaxed. I am light.

But it isn’t because I am not yelling. I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind because of one thousand things I am doing or rather, working on, constantly.

Like managing my anxiety.
Exercising (which by the way is taking a boat load of mental motivation this week. Ugh.)
Writing to this wonderful community.
Crying to my therapist.
Letting go of my anger of which I have plenty this month. Plenty.

In the span of one month, I received a diagnosis that could have been prevented if I was listened to one year ago.

My son received a diagnosis on Monday that could have been prevented if I was listened to last year, and the year before, and the year before that and the year before that.

So yeah, I’m angry. But the anger isn’t doing me good. It’s heavy. It weighs me down. It doesn’t feel good. It isn’t fun.

So I said hello to it, shared it, processed it and said goodbye for the day. It will probably come back today. And I will repeat the process.

Because I’d rather be playful. It just feels better. When there is the rare opening to chat with my teens and the moon and stars align and our moods align, I want to be playful with them.

Like last night. Darling teenager had the vanilla Haggen-dazs. He was eating right out of it as there wasn’t much left. I could have been annoyed at the bad manners OR I could join in and eat the ice cream with him. (No comments please. We have all sat and shared ice cream with a loved one, no?) I choose to have fun. What did I do? I secretly got a spoon. Then I snuck up on him, grabbed the ice cream and ran for it. I didn’t make it very far. But I did get one really good bite. And a lot of laughter. That filled my soul more.

Learning to let go of anger.
Learning to manage my anxiety.
Learning to set boundaries for myself.
Learning to feel all the feels.
Learning to see beauty even on the darkest days.
Learning to live fully… Not easy things for me to learn.

But things that have such wonderful upside that they are worth my energy. I mean just look, the upside was a core memory with my teenager. If I was still stuck in angry and bitter, that wouldn’t have happened.

Here’s to learning the tough stuff. And vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Sending warmth and strength today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why Parenting Teenagers Is Hard in Ways We Can’t Always Talk About

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Having teenagers is hard and not for the reasons everyone talks about. It’s for the reasons no one talks about. Or writes about. Because we can’t. Or at least, I can’t. Or rather, I choose not to.

When my kids were younger, you know, the infant stage, the toddler stage, the pre-school stage and maybe even all the way up to third grade, I could more easily write and talk about the struggles of parenting them. I could share discreetly about their struggles, my struggles, our struggles. There was less wider judgement of them, more understanding that they were kids, they were still developing. There was more grace for them, for me. (Well, for the most part.) And, my kids’ friends were not on social media then and couldn’t read what I wrote which yes, is a current, problem.

Now, given my kids’ ages, I respect their request to honor their privacy. We have a pact about what I do and don’t write. I ask permission when needed and well, they sometimes tell me what I need to write, should write. All that said, years ago… I could share more freely when I wrote as The Orange Rhino and even when I spoke with friends. Sharing my struggles, my doubts, my hurts, well, we all know that when we share those things, when we no longer carry those heavy feelings by ourselves, that we feel lighter, brighter, better. That we feel less alone.

On my way into the house yesterday, after a few moments to myself in my minivan, thinking of all my boys and all the different stressors, it hit me hard just how much I am not sharing. It hit me hard how I am feeling.

I am carrying A LOT by myself right now. So very, very much. There is so much my heart is carrying that I can not share. My heart is heavy from worry, from sadness, from hurt, from exhaustion. My heart is heavy from loving my kiddos so gosh darn much. Parenting is wonderful, but whoa, is it a hard and heavy job to carry. But alas, I carry it the best that I can.

Yesterday, at around 3:30, after the last activity of the day, I announced to my boys, “Guys, I don’t feel well. I’m coming down with my annual winter cold. I’m wiped. And I need to do some things for me so that I feel better. So I’m going to focus on me all afternoon. Dinner is take-out. No fighting over where. I need a peaceful rest of the day. I need to re-charge and just chill.”

I needed to lighten my mental and physical load because well, the load of my life is heavy right now and I am carrying it mostly alone (save a few very special people whom I am so grateful for.) I feel a little better today. Slept a lot. Organized some cluttered spaces that were weighing me down. But of course it wasn’t enough to outweigh all the heaviness. That’s okay.

Today, I will do what I’ve been doing. I will find beauty where I can to add brightness to my day. I will call a friend and share some good laughs to lighten my day. And I will remind myself to just keep going, one step at a time. I’ve got this.

Parenting teens might be hard, but it is worth it. They are worth it. If you are carrying a lot on your heart that you can’t fully share, I get it. I see you. I’m sending you and your kiddo(s) my love. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Our Christmas Tree Came Crashing Down — and It Became a Beautiful Family Memory

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Some say they are just traditions, that teens don’t care so much. Some say it’s just a tree, to not worry about it. But trust me, after this year, I know more than ever, it is more than a tree and those traditions do matter.

In our family, in my family growing up, and in both of my parents’ families growing up, a Christmas Tree was something that brought people together.

That brought memories from years past, represented by special ornaments, to the present.

That brought excitement for the future upcoming big holiday, and even for unknown memories that would turn into ornaments, to the present.

A Christmas Tree brings the past, the present, and the future together in one beautiful place.

A Christmas Tree brings out old stories, new stories, and “I wonder what will happen” stories.

So when our Christmas Tree came crashing down the other day, I was crushed. I thought it would just be me. But it wasn’t. My four sons – 17, 15, 14 and 12 – stood in solidarity with me. Mouths wide open, just as shocked as I.

But the most beautiful thing happened next. After we all felt all our feelings, we came together. WE CAME TOGETHER, as Christmas Trees do to people.

My teenage sons generally don’t like working together lately.

But they did. Two helped clean up and cut the tree base so it would stand better. One took care of the dog so as to not get glass in her foot. One came with me to get the pizza which was no doubt now sitting cold at the restaurant.

But no one really ate. Instead, my sons wanted to keep working to clean up, to get the tree up, and to sort out which ornaments were broken beyond repair, which were saved, and which needed gluing. They wanted to fix all the strands of lights and replace the broken ones. They didn’t want to stop – and didn’t stop – until the tree was up, once again. I had kept my mumblings to myself about, “oh, there must be a lesson here.” I had accepted that sometimes crud happens and there isn’t a lesson to be had.

And yet…and yet… as we worked, my boys started sharing their thoughts, their insights, their takeaways.

“Mom, I’m so glad this one glass ornament of Great-Grandma’s didn’t break. It meant a lot to you. It represents a lot to our family.”

“Maybe the tree wasn’t balanced. Maybe it was too heavy in the front. Gravity stinks.”

“Sometimes things just fall over. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world. We’re fixing it.”

“If a Christmas Tree falls in a house, does anyone hear it?” hahaha.

“At least nobody got hurt.” “At least we still have a tree.”

As they shared all their thoughts, I couldn’t help but to reflect myself. Our tree came crashing down and I am so glad it did. YEP. It gave me a chance to:

  1. See my boys come together, which gave me pride and hope for their future as better friends. And in the process, witness them be resilient AND use tools of how to shift perspectives so they could productively move forward. Yeah for good ‘ole “at least” statements!
  2. Hear them share about the importance of the family ornaments and what they represented: being grateful for all we do have. Some ornaments were made during the Great Depression and others were made by my parents when they didn’t have extra money to buy ornaments. Oh, oh they were listening all these years! They do listen!
  3. Experience their sadness and joy in the whole Christmas Tree debacle of 2023 which showed me that yes, yes family traditions matter and I’m so glad that I kept going this year to make sure this tradition happened, no matter what.

And lastly, well, it did make me think about balance. In all likelihood, the tree was too heavy in the front. When we bought it, it had a huge area in the back that was missing a branch. Didn’t dawn on me that there would be a problem with ornaments on the front. The tree was out of balance. It was too heavy. I want to write, I started to write, that I am the tree. That I am out of balance. Yes, I feel it a bit. I am struggling with balancing motherhood with me-hood with Orange Rhino-hood.

However, our Christmas Tree mattered to me from the start. I made it happen no matter every obstacle I faced. And it turned out, it really mattered to my boys too. I got my priorities right.

So I am not out of balance, life is just heavy and hard right now. I am just figuring it all out. Balance comes from wobbling left and right, back and forth. That is what I am doing. I might fall down because of the weight. I might fall down as I wobble.

But like the tree, I will stand tall again. And I will shine bright, again. SO WILL YOU. So. Will. You. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What My Own Past Taught Me About Building Confidence

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Anyone else like me and lacking a wee bit of self-confidence at times? Got a surprise for you that helped me a lot… Earlier this year I was feeling overwhelmed at home. Who am I kidding! I felt overwhelmed overall, on and off all school year! I felt like a disorganized, ready to explode, lost, mess of a person a lot of the time. I was desperate to figure out how to “succeed” or “do better” at managing my life and hated that I didn’t know how.

“I can’t do this,” this being run by a household of busy teenagers, came to my mind too many times. I, we, survived the school year but I would have loved to do so a little more gracefully and I would’ve loved to figure out how to make life feel a little better, a little more manageable.

I kept looking outwards for answers. I read and researched online for hours. I tried other people’s systems that worked for them. I listened to podcasts galore. Nothing was clicking.

One day at the end of the school year, when I was about to lose my holy loving everything, I went for a walk to chill. I found myself laughing out loud as I thought, “Why is this so much harder than when I had four kids under five?! That was so much easier! Much less chaos. I had that under control. That was overwhelming but less so which for the life of me I can’t believe. I had less sleep. Less time to myself. More crying. More puke. What the heck?!”

I continued walking, mulling that memory over and it hit me. “It felt easier then and I felt like I was succeeding because we had a very specific routine that was easy to remember and easy to follow.” It was so true. I knew when naps and meals were and everything revolved around that. The structure gave me guideposts for the day and chunked out the day into smaller, more manageable pieces.

Obviously lack of activities and individual child requests made it easier but still – this insight was golden. I took this insight and looked at other times in my life where I felt like I was “succeeding” or “thriving” (or whatever word works for you) to see if the same insight applied. Sure enough, structure and routine were all very, very present. I knew it was important (we all do), I just didn’t understand HOW crucial it was for me in particular.

I didn’t need to download any more worksheets or gather input from others as to how to “succeed.” I already knew how to because I had done so in my life already. All I had to do was look into MY past and see when I DID SUCCEED and learn from that. All I had to do was look into my past and see the times when I was thriving and take notes about what was working, what felt right, what didn’t, and bring that learning to the present.

So as I sit here this morning, preparing for school to start next week, working on our new routines, it is obvious that there is no way I can be as structured as my past. WAY too many moving parts. While I can’t be as structured as I wish, I CAN find a way to apply the fact that having structure of some sort is a key to success for me AND be creative in defining what structure/routine looks like.

And I can also accept that structure and routine today will be different than they used to be and that’s okay – I will still be able to find less overwhelm with a little more routine in place than last year. I will also remember to keep it a priority and make sure that we don’t lose our routines even when the going gets tough. Which it will. Effective Tuesday. Sigh. Oh, and one more thing.

Here’s something we can all take away. Part of the structure that helped me years ago? I was guaranteed all kids took a nap at the same time at least five or six days a week if I was lucky which meant I had guaranteed down time SCHEDULED for ME and I always took it. I didn’t do that this year. Just sayin’.

So here’s to YOU and all that you know about yourself and all the times you have already succeeded! You are the best expert in you and I want you to remember that. It is so easy to forget how much knowledge (and strength!) we already have within. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino