Tag Archives: Health Scares

Skin Cancer Surgery, Fear and the Relief of Not Being Judged

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I kept trying not to cry. I knew getting upset would make it all hurt more. But I couldn’t help it. I did okay during the local anesthesia on my scalp. I made some weird noises out of discomfort. Wiggled my feet even. Otherwise I stayed perfectly still (kinda had no choice lol) The nurse? No judgement. Just a loving, gentle, “it’s okay, make all the noises you need to make. Wiggle your toes. Hum. Whatever helps you.

You’re doing great.” How nice not to be judged. Next up? Shaving my scalp. The minute they started to shave my head, the tears slowly formed at the corner of my eyes. I willed myself to stop because I knew if my blood pressure went up, it would create more pressure in the area where the procedure was about to take place. I successfully stopped (after a nice little pep talk with myself.) But then came round two of the procedure.

My face was covered. More hair needed to be shaved. Darnit. I tried and tried but couldn’t stop the tears. It was a much bigger area than expected.

When they were done, the cloth was removed from my face and the nurse, again so loving and gentle, and without judgement, said, “Oh, I see a tear.” Before I could ask, she had a tissue in hand and was dabbing my tears away. No, “are you okay?” or even a toxic positive pep talk. She instantly acted, let me feel, and didn’t make me talk or explain. She saw me. She was with me. She let me be me. Such an incredible gift.

Truth is that I was embarrassed for crying. I have had four of these procedures, one even on my eyelid, and I’ve never cried.

But this? This just hits different. I was so appreciative of her in that moment. The entire team knew the size of skin removed was larger than planned. The doctor knows me by now since we see each other every 6 months or so for a MOHs procedure. I’m so grateful for him and his team. Such incredibly kind, loving people. My plastic surgeon and his team were also reassuring. He did a great job. Kept me out of the operating room (which both he and my other surgeon didn’t know if it was possible) and was able to hide most of the scar in the hair.

I will still look different. But it is so much better than other outcomes. And now to go look for the most awesome daily beach hat to wear so I don’t need to keep repeating this little pattern. Oddly enough, I love, love, love hats but don’t like how I look in them.

But then again, that’s how I felt about sunglasses and now I found a pair I like. Who knows, maybe I’ll find one that can be embroidered with a cute ‘lil Orange Rhino?! Hoping you all are having a good week so far, and thanking you for your loving messages yesterday. (I’m still catching up. Did lots of sleeping yesterday and today.)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why a Longer Morning Routine Actually Helps My ADHD Brain

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I have an unconventional opinion to share. The last time I shared something similar I got destroyed. I was so misunderstood. I strongly dislike being misunderstood. It just reflects my entire childhood as a neurodivergent, sensory processing struggle, emotional kiddo.

So all that to say, I really hope this makes sense;) If it does, I think you will greatly appreciate it. I know I felt like a lightbulb went off when I realized it! For whatever reason, I decided to make my morning routine longer. No idea what moved me but alas, I now wash my face first thing in the morning. I can proudly say it is now officially a habit.

This is big for me. This isn’t a “skincare is self-care” post, fear not. It’s deeper than that — kinda like the massive pimple growing dead center on my chin right now. It’s about setting myself up to feel better in my day. More at ease. More capable. Less braced for impact. I wasn’t raised doing face care routines (or even makeup for that matter.) I’m learning a lot as I grow up;) Before? Maybe I washed it in the shower every couple of days, but only because I had the best cleanser ever thanks to my best friend who works in face care.

The product has microbeads in it or whatever and just feels good to use. #skinceuticals But I never made it a habit. Something changed though when 2026 rolled in. I decided it needed to be a habit.

Maybe because pimples have decided to appear again and one of you lovely readers told me to make sure I washed my face morning and night. I wasn’t. Thank you!

Maybe because I’m making a conscious effort to actually get dressed in a non-workout outfit, do my hair and put some makeup on everyday and so I now have makeup to wash off. (Love this action by the way. totally makes me more alert, more productive, and more confident. It just does wonders for my mood and energy. 10/10 recommend.)

Maybe it’s because I have skin cancer on my face and I have to make sure I am putting on my daily moisturizer with sun protection.

Whatever the reason, I am now a girl who washes her face morning and night, adds her moisturizes and whatnot and I LOVE IT. I have a face care routine for the first time ever. Yes, I am 48. I love it not for the reasons one might think.

Yes it is nice to have skin that feels and looks better. Yes it is nice to not add to the bags under my eyes with smeared mascara. Yes it is nice to know I am doing a better job warding off skin cancer.

But more so? It is so nice to slow down for a couple of minutes twice a day. I love the feeling of the warm washcloth. I just hold it on my face like they do during facials. I just relax for a few minutes. It is only a few minutes but it is a few minutes more than I used to.

So often I complain about not having enough down time. Quiet time. Time to myself. I realized that having a skin care routine is giving me that. Would l love to have more and longer chunks of time to myself? Of course. I am not saying I don’t deserve that. I do. You do. We all do.

What I realized though is that there are so many opportunities throughout the day to really soak up the micro-micro-breaks that already exist. They are better than nothing and when enjoyed, they expand. And when they expand, the rest of the day feels better. The minutes add up and add to the longer chunks. They do count. I just have to be present and willing to see their restorative upside.

Driving in the car as a chauffeur. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the few minutes of my own music while I dance in the car.

Washing the dishes. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the smell of the soap.

Folding the laundry. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the solitude or the feeling of getting something done.

Not drinking alcohol. Easy to complain…or to enjoy that I am still sitting, relaxing, having something that tastes good.

Micro-micro moments to absorb and enjoy and see as more than chores or annoyances. Game changer. Maybe not for those who are naturally present but for me? This is new and simply wonderful. All this to say, I hope this makes sense and maybe makes your go-go-go day without the long break you crave and deserve, a little bit brighter.

Also – got any other micro-micro moments I could enjoy more? Please share! I gotta grow my list.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why You Shouldn’t Put Off Your Own Doctor Appointments

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I had an unexpected medical procedure Friday afternoon. Nothing serious but…it sidelined me, has sidelined me a bit. It has forced me to sit all weekend and rest as I am physically uncomfortable. All this said, a few takeaways that are floating around in my mind that I thought I’d share. Don’t put off doctor’s appointments. Your care matters just as much as your kid’s care. I know, I know. Annoying to hear but I care and so I’m lovingly putting it out there.

I had scheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled this appointment because of kids and life and then never rescheduled it. Ooops. Should have had the appointment years ago. I’m lucky nothing serious happened these past too many years to count. Note to self: Ruminating and worrying does no good. The appointment was supposed to be a consult about whether or not to do the procedure (sorry to be vague, it’s just a weird situation).

If it had been an actual appointment for the procedure, I wouldn’t have gone because I would’ve talked myself out of it out of fear. I would’ve told myself the current pain was okay, manageable. However, this doctor, this new, lovely, kind, gentle doctor explained everything. The pros, the risks of not doing it (which are kinda high) the after care etc. She was so much nicer than a past doctor I met who was part of the reason I had hesitated to reschedule the appointment over the last few years.

This lovely doctor had time to do the procedure (well obviously Sheila lol,) so we did. And I made it through (again, duh) Had I had time to think about it, I would’ve worried myself right out of it. Anxiety is a beast. I struggle with it a lot. I’ve thought a lot this weekend about whether or not I was impulsive in saying yes to the procedure BUT then I say to myself, “Girl, if you thought more about it you would have said no out of fear.” Point being: anxiety is real but not always the best guide and not always right.

We can’t let it always win. Apparently, I’m not superwoman. I was feeling frustrated yesterday that I couldn’t do my daily walks which are so key to my feeling good. I had hopped on the treadmill and after one minute I was all, “yeah no, this ain’t happening.” I texted a friend who has supported my current health goals and she replied, “You need to rest. Your body needs to heal.” Wait, what? The procedure was quick – 10 minutes, maybe 15.

It was in office. It was minor. Heal? Rest? These words hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was going to go on as I normally do. I left the office walking. I drove myself home like no big deal.

Except it kinda was. I had local anesthesia for pain. And it still hurt LIKE HECK. And it was a biopsy which always takes a mental toll, you know? And again, shocker, I’m not superwoman;) Yes, I needed to rest and heal. I did not need to power through. Point being: sometimes the smallest things are still BIG and we don’t need to minimize them, but we still need to heal from them. Point being: sometimes we’re tired and can’t move forward because our body needs to heal and process from the inside – for reasons we know or don’t know…and we need to listen.

Point being: I’m so used to powering through and “doing it all” that slowing down – even when in pain – didn’t even dawn on me and that is an opener worth working on, big time, wouldn’t ya say?!

So there are my Sunday thoughts, from my cozy chair that seems to have my name written all over it this fine January. But hey, at least I have such a chair.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if any of these points hit close to home. You aren’t alone.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You’re Tired of Being Called Strong: What Barely Hanging On Feels Like

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On Being “Strong” The truth is, right now, I am just barely hanging on. I’m not processing much – just getting through each day. I could take this post in so many different directions. I’m barely hanging on because…it’s been a long summer….it’s back to school and I’m excited for routine AND ALSO need to create the new schedules and figure out who goes where and when and HOW the heck I am going to make it happen….the house needs fixing and while making calls, something else broke….I have big dreams and goals and trying to achieve them and run a home is overwhelming at times.

And also, extra barely hanging on because while I was so excited for back to school because it meant a few extra hours for myself this week to manage all of the above…last Thursday around 12:43, my dreams of time to chill and get life in order came to a screeching halt.

I got a call from the doctor’s office that my skin biopsy was indeed my third basal cell skin cancer and that I needed surgery…again…and ASAP…and oh by the way, “So we have an opening next week, Thursday, September 7th, how about that day?”

My response, “Oh well yes, actually. That is my first week with kids back to school and I would love nothing more than to spend it having nose surgery.” Yes, I actually said this while laughing. And yes the nurse on the other line laughed back.

And then we had a moment of solidarity as I said, “Well if this isn’t Life and Motherhood defined.” I commented. “Get time to myself and this is how I will spend it.”

“Yes, yes it is.” she said.

The procedure itself, no big deal. Been there done that. But It’s the closing up I am worried about and I have spent most of last week and this week so far frantically finding the right doctor – with availability – to do the plastic surgery closing so that my nose looks normal afterwards. It has been a whirlwind. I am tired. No time to process this crap situation. Just go, go, go. Strong, strong, strong.

Sometimes it is nice to be strong and resilient. It is powering me through this week. I have no other choice right now – I need to be strong so I can plan this surgery AND get my kids back to school (and to not freak them out.) But I can’t wait to crash and cry to be honest. I am scared of how I will look.

When I had eyelid cancer I lost half of my lower eyelid. The doctor doesn’t know how much of the tip of my nose I will lose. It’s funny. My entire teen years I begged my parents to save for a nose job instead of college. I hated my nose.

Now? Now, I am afraid to lose my nose. I have grown to like my nose. Oh how times change. Oh how suddenly we realize what we have is good enough all along… Sending warmth and strength to you all today… STRENGTH if you need it…and also STRENGTH to say to friends and family, “I need a break from being ‘strong,’ I need you all to be strong for me.” It’s okay to not be strong in the typical sense, sometimes. We don’t need to be strong all the time 😉 A lot more on this later, when my mind is more clear.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Skin Cancer Scars: They Don’t Have to Be Beautiful to Be Survivable

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Scars hurt. They aren’t always beautiful. But we handle them and heal from them. “It will just be a scar. I can handle a scar.” I confidently said to my dermatologist. This wasn’t my first time having a biopsy on my face and probably won’t be my last. I’ve had basal cell skin cancer on my forehead and my lower eyelid.

And now likely dead center on my nose. I joked that I love Christmas so looking like Rudolph for a few weeks if I have a procedure to remove the skin cancer cells won’t be the end of the world. In all seriousness, as skin cancer is very serious, as my doctor and I discussed the options, I meant what I said when I told him I could handle the procedure and the scars. Yes – scars. The location of this problem area probably means they will need to take skin from my forehead to patch my nose.

So I will have two scars. There were other options but none guaranteed cancer free and given my history, I wanted, no needed, guarantee.

So I wanted the biopsy – even if it came back negative. The scar was worth the risk. Even if it meant pain (which it did.) Even if it looks not so beautiful (which it doesn’t, and which it won’t.) It is just a scar. A scar and the pain that caused it, will pass. I will not remember the pain I felt or the ugliness I saw in the mirror. Pain is temporary. It still might come and go as the scar fades, but eventually it will barely be noticeable. A scar will fade.

At first, when the scar is ever present and I can’t bear the sight, worst case, I can apply make up. I can find a way to make do for the moment.

But as time passes, it will fade and barely be noticeable. I will look in the mirror and have to search to see the marks. And one day, I will forget to search at all. A scar is part of my history. Yes, these scars remind me that I should have listened to my mother about wearing hats as a kid. They also remind me of all my fun times I had at the lake in New Hampshire growing up AND all the fun times I have had at the beach with my kids as a grown up.

And there is more. A scar inspires me. It reminds me that I can handle pain and come out the other side. It reminds me that I can look in the mirror, feel uncomfortable and build self-confidence around the notion that beauty is on the inside. It reminds me that the past is the past, we live, we learn, we do better, we move forward.

A scar reminds me to find the “orange” in the situation…the fun memories that did happen in the sun, the new opportunities to finally learn how to apply makeup, the fun chances to shop for awesome hats and sunglasses (OR to create a line of them….) Scars, physical or emotional, are a part of life. They hurt. They can be ugly. But we get through them. We heal.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today and a loving reminder to wear hats and sunglasses.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino