Tag Archives: Work

Why We Say “I’m Fine” When We’re Absolutely Not

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Do you ever pretend you’re fine… when you’re absolutely not? (Rhetorical question) I have a serious case of the “I’m fine’s” right now. You know the ones: “I’m fine, really.” “It’s no big deal.” “I’m good. It’s all good.” (Andy Grammer may be good. But if I’m being honest with myself, honey I’m not good) Why is it so hard to just say: “Yeah… today sucked.” “I know I’ll be okay, but right now? This stinks.” “I’m frustrated. I thought I’d feel better by now.” Like seriously, why can’t I just be totally honest with others more often?

When my best friend called the other night and said, “Sheil!!! Why didn’t you tell me you were having another procedure?” My answer? “I didn’t want to be a burden.” Oof.

Here’s the truth: I’ve been told before that I’m “too much.” That I’m “seeking attention.” That I “just want to be sick.” So somewhere along the way, I taught myself: Keep it in. Say you’re fine. Don’t inconvenience anyone. Even though I know I can trust my real friends… Even though I know I can share my shite sandwiches… I still struggle. I’m re-teaching my brain that I can share the hard stuff. That I can be “not fine” and also know “I will be fine” at the same time.

Practice is exhausting. But it’s working. Every day I accept the gray a little more and still create orange anyway. Every day I practice being real with myself. Some days go better than others.

But most days? I feel lighter. I want us all to feel that way today. I want to try something. If this applies to you, drop one honest “not fine” truth in the comments. Just one. And let’s reply to each other with actual support. No fixing. No minimizing. Just: “I see you” or some other loving message.” I have a feeling a lot of us are carrying something quietly. Let’s all feel a little bit better today, together.

Sending my warmth to all of you, especially those who aren’t feeling fine and also (understandably) don’t feel comfortable yet sharing with others. I see you. I get it.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Skin Cancer Surgery, Fear and the Relief of Not Being Judged

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I kept trying not to cry. I knew getting upset would make it all hurt more. But I couldn’t help it. I did okay during the local anesthesia on my scalp. I made some weird noises out of discomfort. Wiggled my feet even. Otherwise I stayed perfectly still (kinda had no choice lol) The nurse? No judgement. Just a loving, gentle, “it’s okay, make all the noises you need to make. Wiggle your toes. Hum. Whatever helps you.

You’re doing great.” How nice not to be judged. Next up? Shaving my scalp. The minute they started to shave my head, the tears slowly formed at the corner of my eyes. I willed myself to stop because I knew if my blood pressure went up, it would create more pressure in the area where the procedure was about to take place. I successfully stopped (after a nice little pep talk with myself.) But then came round two of the procedure.

My face was covered. More hair needed to be shaved. Darnit. I tried and tried but couldn’t stop the tears. It was a much bigger area than expected.

When they were done, the cloth was removed from my face and the nurse, again so loving and gentle, and without judgement, said, “Oh, I see a tear.” Before I could ask, she had a tissue in hand and was dabbing my tears away. No, “are you okay?” or even a toxic positive pep talk. She instantly acted, let me feel, and didn’t make me talk or explain. She saw me. She was with me. She let me be me. Such an incredible gift.

Truth is that I was embarrassed for crying. I have had four of these procedures, one even on my eyelid, and I’ve never cried.

But this? This just hits different. I was so appreciative of her in that moment. The entire team knew the size of skin removed was larger than planned. The doctor knows me by now since we see each other every 6 months or so for a MOHs procedure. I’m so grateful for him and his team. Such incredibly kind, loving people. My plastic surgeon and his team were also reassuring. He did a great job. Kept me out of the operating room (which both he and my other surgeon didn’t know if it was possible) and was able to hide most of the scar in the hair.

I will still look different. But it is so much better than other outcomes. And now to go look for the most awesome daily beach hat to wear so I don’t need to keep repeating this little pattern. Oddly enough, I love, love, love hats but don’t like how I look in them.

But then again, that’s how I felt about sunglasses and now I found a pair I like. Who knows, maybe I’ll find one that can be embroidered with a cute ‘lil Orange Rhino?! Hoping you all are having a good week so far, and thanking you for your loving messages yesterday. (I’m still catching up. Did lots of sleeping yesterday and today.)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why a Longer Morning Routine Actually Helps My ADHD Brain

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I have an unconventional opinion to share. The last time I shared something similar I got destroyed. I was so misunderstood. I strongly dislike being misunderstood. It just reflects my entire childhood as a neurodivergent, sensory processing struggle, emotional kiddo.

So all that to say, I really hope this makes sense;) If it does, I think you will greatly appreciate it. I know I felt like a lightbulb went off when I realized it! For whatever reason, I decided to make my morning routine longer. No idea what moved me but alas, I now wash my face first thing in the morning. I can proudly say it is now officially a habit.

This is big for me. This isn’t a “skincare is self-care” post, fear not. It’s deeper than that — kinda like the massive pimple growing dead center on my chin right now. It’s about setting myself up to feel better in my day. More at ease. More capable. Less braced for impact. I wasn’t raised doing face care routines (or even makeup for that matter.) I’m learning a lot as I grow up;) Before? Maybe I washed it in the shower every couple of days, but only because I had the best cleanser ever thanks to my best friend who works in face care.

The product has microbeads in it or whatever and just feels good to use. #skinceuticals But I never made it a habit. Something changed though when 2026 rolled in. I decided it needed to be a habit.

Maybe because pimples have decided to appear again and one of you lovely readers told me to make sure I washed my face morning and night. I wasn’t. Thank you!

Maybe because I’m making a conscious effort to actually get dressed in a non-workout outfit, do my hair and put some makeup on everyday and so I now have makeup to wash off. (Love this action by the way. totally makes me more alert, more productive, and more confident. It just does wonders for my mood and energy. 10/10 recommend.)

Maybe it’s because I have skin cancer on my face and I have to make sure I am putting on my daily moisturizer with sun protection.

Whatever the reason, I am now a girl who washes her face morning and night, adds her moisturizes and whatnot and I LOVE IT. I have a face care routine for the first time ever. Yes, I am 48. I love it not for the reasons one might think.

Yes it is nice to have skin that feels and looks better. Yes it is nice to not add to the bags under my eyes with smeared mascara. Yes it is nice to know I am doing a better job warding off skin cancer.

But more so? It is so nice to slow down for a couple of minutes twice a day. I love the feeling of the warm washcloth. I just hold it on my face like they do during facials. I just relax for a few minutes. It is only a few minutes but it is a few minutes more than I used to.

So often I complain about not having enough down time. Quiet time. Time to myself. I realized that having a skin care routine is giving me that. Would l love to have more and longer chunks of time to myself? Of course. I am not saying I don’t deserve that. I do. You do. We all do.

What I realized though is that there are so many opportunities throughout the day to really soak up the micro-micro-breaks that already exist. They are better than nothing and when enjoyed, they expand. And when they expand, the rest of the day feels better. The minutes add up and add to the longer chunks. They do count. I just have to be present and willing to see their restorative upside.

Driving in the car as a chauffeur. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the few minutes of my own music while I dance in the car.

Washing the dishes. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the smell of the soap.

Folding the laundry. Easy to complain…or to enjoy the solitude or the feeling of getting something done.

Not drinking alcohol. Easy to complain…or to enjoy that I am still sitting, relaxing, having something that tastes good.

Micro-micro moments to absorb and enjoy and see as more than chores or annoyances. Game changer. Maybe not for those who are naturally present but for me? This is new and simply wonderful. All this to say, I hope this makes sense and maybe makes your go-go-go day without the long break you crave and deserve, a little bit brighter.

Also – got any other micro-micro moments I could enjoy more? Please share! I gotta grow my list.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

What Teenage Boys Taught Me About Competition, Connection and Hope

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Earlier this week, my son’s basketball team had a big win. But it had nothing to do with the score. It had everything to do with what happened after. They were playing a team from across town. The last time they faced each other, the game was tight—my son’s team won by just a few points. And at the end of that game, something unexpected happened. The teams came together. Laughing. Taking selfies. Teenage boys—competing hard, not knowing each other—connecting anyway.

It gave me so much hope. Fast forward to this week. This game was a blowout. My son’s team was on fire. So the coach did what good coaches do—he put in the kids who don’t usually get playing time. Eventually, the other coach did too.

And that alone said a lot. This coach is intense. I remember thinking during the first matchup, whoa—this guy wants to win at all costs.

But here we were. New kids on the court. Winning wasn’t the goal anymore. Experience was. My son is almost 6’2. One of his best friends is about 5’2—and because of that, he hasn’t gotten much playing time this season.

But this night? He was in. The players on the court worked to get him the ball. The players on the bench were on their feet, cheering—hoping he’d score his first basket of a quickly ending season. And let me tell you—this kid can shoot. Always has been able to. He started hitting shots. Then threes. Then foul shots. Thirteen points in two minutes. For real. The gym went absolutely insane.

When the buzzer sounded, his teammates rushed him and carried him off the court. And do you know who else rushed over? The other coach. And players from the other team. The coach even took a selfie with him. It. Was. Beautiful. And this wasn’t a one-off. Earlier in the week, my son’s team lost a blowout. Late in the game, another kid who rarely plays took a shot just as the buzzer sounded. SWOOSH. A three.

They lost the game—but no one cared. Their teammate had scored and made an incredible shot. No one talked about the loss, they talked about their teammate. And in yet another blowout loss, both coaches put the B teams in again. The A teams were on the benches, kinda. They weren’t obsessed with the score. They weren’t sulking on the bench. I saw teenage boys standing, cheering, screaming—for each other to have their moment.

My faith in humanity was restored a little this week. On a high school basketball court. And I’m holding onto these moments tighter than ever, especially this week.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When a Leaking Ceiling Is the First Thing You Step Into at 6 A.M.

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I have no words this lovely Wednesday morning. Actually, I did have words. Swears, actually.

Nothing says let’s get this day started like stepping in wet, sticky, unknown liquid at 6:00 am.

Nothing says let’s get this day started by realizing your newly finished ceiling, is indeed, leaking.

Nothing says let’s get this day started by quickly grasping the fact that said leak is nowhere near a bathroom or a direct source of water which means it’s going to be a fun game of…where is the water coming from?

Nothing says home ownership, adult responsibility, headache…like a leak.

I got my swears out of the system. I thanked @theDadChats (with Dillon, IG) for recently having a leak and knowing that I needed to drill a hole to release the water. I grabbed “buckets” and towels. And let the water go.

And now, now we wait. All the water released. The ceiling didn’t entirely collapse and we have no clue what the cause is. This morning was supposed to be productive. Today was supposed to be. This year wasn’t supposed to have money spent on the house. It wasn’t supposed to have workers in the house. 2026 was supposed to bring more peace. More ease. More exhale.

But apparently my ceiling — and maybe my pipes, or my roof buried under ice and snow — had other plans. I’d love to throw a pity party.

But instead, I’m pouring coffee, taking a breath, and reminding myself: Gray happens. It isn’t personal. It isn’t permanent. It isn’t insurmountable. It’s just gray and there is orange somewhere too. I’ll see it, feel it, experience it at some point, hopefully sooner than later. Hoping your Wednesday is off to a better start, Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you have something leaking in your life that is likewise giving you a headache.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Life Gets Ridiculous, Sometimes I Choose to Laugh

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Honestly? I had to laugh. The other option was collapsing into a puddle of tears — from frustration, pain, annoyance, and full-on are you kidding me — and it just didn’t feel appealing. Not because crying is bad. You all know I cry. But because the situation was so ridiculous, I was past tears. Sunday night. Nearly a foot of snow. School already canceled. And somehow… I sliced the tip of my finger. You know, the place that never stops bleeding.

I’ve cut my hand once in my life. I’m pretty good with knives in the kitchen. Now I question that. No stitches were happening in a snow/ice storm, so I did what any rational person does: applied pressure, searched for “New Skin” that apparently vanished from my house, ignored good judgment and kept making fajitas (oops), and then texted every neighbor. Every husband replied: “Just use super glue.” Um…I’ve heard of that, but seriously?!

Even my fiancé was on board with the idea. Desperate measures? A neighbor saved the day. I trekked through unplowed snow, glued the finger, applied athletic tape (another suggestion) and somehow made it through without stitches. I’m grateful. I truly did not and do not have time for another doctor’s appointment. And to add a little lightness — I almost did end up in a puddle… not of tears, but of something else. I still struggle not to pee when I laugh too hard.

Now that is one doctor’s appointment I can’t wait to get to this month! Eech! So excited?! (How odd is that?!) Four kids later and here we are. Happy Wednesday. I hope you laugh a little today — and maybe don’t pee at the same time. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

A Divorced Mom’s Thanksgiving: When the Holiday Is Beautiful and Hard

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It’s always hard posting stories like this. But, keeping it to myself doesn’t feel right. You all know me — I like to be honest and to fully represent the non-perfect side of social media. I thrive at that. Holiday seasons are full of beautiful family photos. And well… Moments before I took this photo, I had tears in my eyes.

It was the morning of my Thanksgiving with my boys. It was NOT going well. Boys were bickering. And that is being mild. My college kiddo was home. Since I’m divorced, I only had all my boys together for a whopping 1.5 days. I wanted the time to go well. To go smoothly. To be happy. It. Was. Simply. Not. Going. That. Way. It was disappointing. Discouraging even. Was this how the entire day was going to go?

I took a break from the situation. And here’s where my doubt in sharing comes, but stick with me, okay? To be honest, even though it was only 11:00 am I wanted a gin and tonic.

I wanted to ease the pain, the stress, the chaos, the feelings of discomfort. But I’m 320+ days of not choosing alcohol so I chose hot chocolate. It was good, but it wasn’t the same. Did it taste good, but in a different way? Yes! Did it help me relax in the sense that I slowed down, sat and really enjoyed it? Yes!

But did it numb the feelings? Did it numb my stress? No. Because really, that is what I wanted in that moment. To numb.

Here’s the thing…this post isn’t about alcohol and me preaching about how I have chosen to be sober (there are a lot of reasons there.) We all have something we turn to when we want to numb. I have a few. Shopping to decorate the house. Scrolling. Eating. Just zoning out to avoid. This season, when the to-do’s grow (even though they are ones I enjoy) when expectations grow, when kids anxieties grow because of school work, exams, and excitement for the holidays, when the this, the that, when it all becomes A LOT (even a lot of goodness) it is easy to want to numb, a lot.

But I know from years of learning to live with the gray…that numbing only pushes the pain down…down inside and down the road so to speak. It doesn’t actually make me feel better. And so I keep trying to find more productive ways to feel the gray so it doesn’t win in the moment. Not always easy, is it? All this to say… I share this story to simply say, I get it. I get the pressure. I get the desire to escape.

I get the wish to just feel better. I get the longing for ease. You aren’t alone in these feelings (that is if you get them) If no one in your friend group is openly talking about this, know that I am. I wish I didn’t want to numb as much; that things weren’t so much. I wish I turned less to shopping and eating.

But here I am. Knowing it, working through it, and doing my best. It ain’t easy. But I’m doing. Just like you. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling all the “a lot” of this season, or in general and you are also trying to numb less.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why the Same Gray Day Can Feel Completely Different Depending on What You Need

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It always amazes me how I can feel two totally opposite emotions in the same situation. Take a gray, gloomy morning for example. If this were the summer, and I was on vacation, and I woke up to this weather? Blech. Boo! No thank you!! I want the sunshine! But since it is fall and almost winter? And my body is craving hibernation, calm, quiet? Since life has been loud? Since I have so much to do and need to be inspired to not really leave the house except to walk the dog?!

Oh gloomy gray mornings please come find me! Of course, since I’m me, when I realized this, it made me think of the gray moments in life.

The stressful ones (um, how am I going to get my house in order by Wednesday night?) The worrisome ones (um, first semester college kiddo, kiddo applying to college, freshman in high school, and the sophomore in high school, all having their own gray moments.) The heavy ones (can’t even go there now, too many to list, but I’ll add finances, life changes, concerns for lots of others.) The complicated ones (dreams, goals, hormones!!!) If gray weather can elicit two responses in me (yes please and no thank you…) then gray moments, gray emotions can too, right?

Yes. Maybe not instantly, in that same precise moment, but eventually, at my own pace. For those new here, I’m anti toxic-positivity. To be clear, I’m not anti-positivity. I’m just not for being so positive that real feelings are overlooked, dismissed. You know, the gray ones. There is a big difference. I’m pro Grorange:) I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or.

I’m pro: acknowledge the gray, feel the gray, move through the gray, so you can see the orange and feel the orange. I’ve always been that way, even as a kid. –> This part of me was never understood and honestly, never really accepted. “Just be positive!” I was told.

But I was being positive…I was just also feeling the other feelings, first. Which is normal. And healthy. And okay. I wasn’t dwelling. I was moving through so I could fully feel the good stuff too. Otherwise the gray heavy emotions would just linger.

So yeah, I’m pro “Living the Grorange Life.” I wrote that the other day and liked it. or “Living The Orange Rhino Life.” Either or. And lol, in true Sheila fashion, don’t even know how I got here in this post. Not planned. Anywho, today until Wednesday night is a mad dash of unpacking. The kitchen renovation led to re-doing the floors on the entire first floor.

When they were installed in 2007, they were done wrong. They were fixed twice afterwards and nothing worked. My ex and I lived with it knowing it would have to be fixed. With the kitchen newly done, my fiancé and I realized now was the time to fix the entire first floor since so much furniture and what not was already packed and out.

Bottom line?! Kitchen is unpacked 100% But the dining room?! The family room? Our living room/my office? HAHAHA. This girl has work to do. And don’t forget dusting. Gotta dust. The gray that keeps trying to derail me and invite me to just sit and do nothing????

So much work –> Overwhelm. The orange? I’m feeling grateful and excited. The gray? Did I mention I don’t know how it will get done? The dust is getting to my asthma? I’m tired and overwhelmed???! The orange? I just keep telling myself to pick up one thing, one box at a time and to keep going. Either way, gonna show up and get it done. Here I go. What are you doing today? Traveling? Shopping? Resting? Flying to NJ to come help me?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are feeling only the Gray in “The Grorange Life” today. That’s okay. It’s part of it. The Orange will come. There’s no rush.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You Feel Stuck, Unmotivated and Tired of Pep Talks

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I have two alternatives for you if you are feeling stuck. It took me this entire post to get to the second one, but hey, at least I got there!

I’m feeling stuck. I’m having a hard time getting motivated. I’m having a hard time making decisions. I’m exhausted from giving myself pep talks and remembering mindset hacks. I’m worn down from writing publicly, from being judged by an algorithm everyday and from worrying that my “being me” is “too negative, too really, not bubbly or positive enough to survive in social media.”

Being stuck is often seen as a big ‘ole negative. I know I often experience it as such. But here’s something I just realized this morning. –>What if I’m meant to be stuck right now? What if I’m struggling to move forward because the path I had set myself on was not the right path? What if my body, my brain, my everything knows that the path I have chosen is not actually the one that will bring me the most fulfillment? A life that feels the most aligned?

What if being stuck, spiraling out on some days, struggling, isn’t seen as a bad thing, but rather an okay thing, a helpful sign to stop and look closer? (You know, No-yeah-mber) What if the gray is actually a good thing? –>What if being stuck is seen as a big, bright, flashing sign that says, “HOLD ON. TIME OUT. Being stuck is simply giving you a chance to take a break, re-group, and plan your next intentional step instead of just roboting your way through life?”

Being stuck doesn’t have to stink, it is an opportunity to sit and think. Things get stuck in life for a reason (a jar lid that’s too tight, a puzzle piece that doesn’t actually fit, a car in a traffic jam because there’s just too many cars.) When stuck (gray) happens, things need patience and a little extra attention, a little extra effort, to get unstuck.

So extra patience, attention, and effort I will give to my so-called “stuckness.” I’m stuck –> I’m sitting –> I’m thinking –> I’m accepting –> I’m reflecting –> I’m realizing I will figure it out and feel a little lighter in due time. Is this easy? No. Do I feel answers bubbling to the surface? Yes. Do I think I need to quit it all and take an entirely different path? No. Do I feel like I need to adjust my focus, my energy, the balance of my time? Yeah, I do.

My heart knows the answer. I need to find a bit more courage to follow it. –> Can you relate to the last statement? Any of these statements? Which ones? Feeling stuck isn’t fun but it doesn’t have to stink and it definitely isn’t permanent. Remembering these two bits isn’t easy; nor is finding the courage to step out of it. I see you as you do all the hard work and experience the range of emotions that go with it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are sitting and thinking today (instead of being “stuck”)

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Feeling Lost Can Also Mean You’re Ready for Something New

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Here’s the thing –> I feel lost, alone and even dare I say empty sometimes. BUT… Here’s the other thing –> I realized just the other day that while these feelings can be heavy and oh so not fun, they are also kinda beautiful and exciting. Hear me out. Follow my lovely brain around as it connects random dots, as it does so well. Let’s start from the top with the feeling lost, alone and even dare I say empty sometimes.

When I was in high school, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had plans. Direction. I wanted to work in the nonprofit sector. I didn’t want to go to a liberal arts college. I didn’t really want to go to a business school but I realized that would give me the skills I needed to someday manage a nonprofit company.

So off I went. When I was in college, my plans changed a bit. I still knew what I wanted though. I had a vision, I had goals, I had plans. I felt grounded and I knew where I belonged and where I was. I knew who I was. I was far from lost.

When I graduated college and started my first job, which while it wasn’t in the nonprofit world, it did give me the skills I would need and allowed me to do nonprofit fundraising as part of it (saweeet), I still felt like I knew who I was and where I was going. I even knew who I wanted to be outside of work. I wanted to be a wife. I wanted to be a mom. Eventually I got married. Eventually we decided to move from New Jersey to North Carolina.

And eventually I got pregnant and I became a mom. It didn’t make sense for me to work for lots and lots of reasons. It was the right choice then. And continued to be with each son that was born thereafter.

But as each son was born, and each year that passed, somehow I started to feel more and more lost. I wasn’t used to having free time. I sure as heck didn’t really have it when I worked! And when I was in college and not working, I was working towards a goal and well now, now, I didn’t really have goals except get through the day. –>Who was I? What were my hobbies? What made me happy besides being a mom? I wasn’t used to not having goals.

Sure I had goals like “get kiddo to nap and hope he naps” and “get other kiddo to try new food and hope it isn’t sprayed across the room” and “get other kiddo to go pee in the potty and not on the floor.” But I didn’t have personal goals. Career goals. I’m a goal oriented person. Growth oriented. –>Where was I going? –>What do I want? –>How do I really feel about my life? I wasn’t used to asking all of these questions to myself…by myself, more and more often.

I had friends but as the years passed, my friend group got smaller and smaller. The divorce didn’t help. My kids going to different schools didn’t help. Life happening, didn’t help. Me having more kids than others, didn’t help. Me having kids with a little more energy than others, didn’t help.

So yes, as the years have passed, I have felt more lost, and more alone, and put them together and that has brought out feelings of emptiness at times. In the last month these feelings have surfaced. I’ve been so busy with getting my kid off to college and working on the home renovation that I’ve isolated myself. It hasn’t been intentional. Just reality.

Okay, and I could do a lot better about reaching out! And well, I’m struggling with the direction of my business. I thought for sure I knew where I was going and what I wanted, but I am doubting it and wondering if it will succeed. Lost. Lonely. And a little empty. At times. It happens. Gray Happens. It’s temporary. I know these feelings will pass. AND ALSO. They aren’t all that I’m feeling and there is an upside to them.

This is the dot…connecting part:) We are getting floors redone this week. The kitchen needed an entirely new floor because of 1,000 problems. Sweet. Long time coming to be honest.

But, we also moved one wall to create a pantry and a small office so other rooms needed weaving in of new wood. So the project became bigger than planned, because of course.

So anywho, I walked into the dining room the other day. It was physically EMPTY. Days before, it had been full of our temporary kitchen items. Days before, it had been full of our family, laughing, bickering, living.

Now it was EMPTY and yet…and yet…it wasn’t a bad thing, but it was… so PEACEFUL. so BEAUTIFUL. so INVITING. I had to sit down and take it in.

Okay, yes, it was sad at first. It reminded me of the first time my ex and I bought the home and moved in. The heaviness rolled in. Had I felt LOST? yes, a little. Had I felt LONELY? yes, a little. Was I kinda feeling that right now? Yeah, a little.

But also…how did I feel no longer carrying the weight of a marriage that wasn’t fulfilling, that wasn’t working? And how do I feel pursuing a company even though I feel lost?! LIGHTER a lot lighter. Lost, Lonely AND also LIGHTER all at the same time. Just like the room. It looked a little lost and lonely with no one and nothing in it but also…it was so much lighter and brighter! I quickly moved from the heavy feelings to seeing Opportunity.

It was like a big blank canvas. –> What would it look like next? –> How would I decorate it when the floor was re-done and we moved furniture back in? It was EMPTY but also EXCITING, promising. Every emotion has an equal and opposite emotion.

Okay, maybe not exactly, but that sounded good;) But it is close to the sentiment I am going for and I know you know what I mean. Somehow this empty, lost and lonely room, with its beautifully soft, sanded floor helped me to remember that.

So yes, I’m feeling a little lost, a little lonely and even a little empty right now as I try to find my way BUT I am reminded that isn’t all I’m feeling. I’m feeling lighter and excited too. And hopeful. HopeFULL. Both/and. Gray/Orange. What about you? How are you feeling these days? These months?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are struggling to feel lighter and excited these days. I get the struggle. It isn’t always easy to see both/and. In fact some days it is outright impossible. That’s okay. I hope it passes soon.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino