Tag Archives: Hormones

Burnout and Life Audits: What I’m Reassessing Before a Big Transition

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I recently read an article about being burned out and well, that hit a nerve. I have absolutely, positively, no idea why. Shortly after I realized the month was coming to an end and as has been the case every month, a word came to me clear as day: AUDIT. I need to do an audit of my life. I need to step back and assess my life a bit – my actions, my choices, my everything.

So I give you… AU-dit-GUST. It’s a big month for me. My oldest goes to college in two weeks and I’m not ready. Maybe it’s by design. You know, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about how I really feel. If I did, I would be paralyzed in sadness or overwhelm. Just last night it hit me real hard and the fear came in and knocked me over…

Have I taught him enough? Is he ready for all the peer pressure that comes with parties and this and that? How will he handle the workload? How will this and that and that and this? Did I do enough? Did I do a good enough job? Do I have enough time to do more? Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.

But I have to ask myself, truly, honestly…why am I here? Why am I panicking – besides this is probably normal for first time moms? Well… My gut knows that I didn’t manage my priorities well this summer. That I procrastinated out of overwhelm, fear, and more. My gut knows that I am not doing well with my ADHD and figuring out how to work with it, especially as perimenopause makes it a heck of a lot harder. My gut knows that I am not doing a great job taking care of myself; that I haven’t been eating well, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, or exercising – all things that help me feel well, be well and do well.

And by my gut, what I really mean, is I know. I don’t write this to be negative or self-critical. It’s the opposite. It’s actually self-love in a way. My self-reflection, my honesty with myself, will help me move forward to a place I’d rather be. Not being honest with myself, that’s not love. That would just keep me stuck and feeling heavy. I want to feel light, buoyant, and as balanced as possible. I want to feel as present as possible.

So I need to AU-dit-GUST to see where the obstacles are holding me back. Where can I subtract? Where can I add? Where can I keep things the same? Where can I ask for help? Where can I be more honest with myself? Where can I let go? One thing that I am considering, as you noticed, is writing a little less here this month so that I can really, truly focus on this big transition in my life. It’s hard for me to do this.

It means I will take a hit with Facebook sharing with all of you and I will have to bust my tuckus to get it back. It means while I will feel good about focusing more in one area of my life, I will feel a little unsure about another area. It means I will get out of habit which is hard for me as getting back into habits is always a challenge. It means being uncomfortable. Sometimes discomfort is needed for growth so I am going to accept being uncomfortable.

And besides, my first few days of AU-dit-GUST clearly gave me the decision to take a step back from writing and I think it is the right one for now. We’ll see. Life ebbs and flows. I think we all know that on August 20th (after drop off) I’m gonna be a mess and need to write about it 😉 What about you? Do you need an AU-dit-GUST as you prepare for back to school or the wrapping up of summer and the start of fall? Are you feeling a little misaligned and needing to do a reboot to feel a little lighter?

OR is your AU-dit-GUST leaving you feeling great? And remember, just because we self reflect and see growth, it doesn’t have to be negative. It can be done with compassion and excitement – and it should be done that way;) Off to breakfast as I am in a different city…again.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you totally get this and are feeling you need an AU-dit-GUST like now. Do you want me to post some questions daily? That is easy for me to do…lol…I think.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Sometimes Life Is Hard “Just Because” — No Explanation Required

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What if? What if we don’t explain away why we feel what we feel, what if we don’t analyze why we’re crying again, but instead we simply say, “it’s Just Because.” And by this we mean, sometimes our feelings and our response simply reflect that life is hard sometimes.

After I shared with you all yesterday about my frustrating medical situation, I dropped the kids off at school and came home to read an email with more frustrating news. “Ugh. Why can’t anything be easy?!” I said out loud, maybe a little too loud. Hope, my dog, looked at me. She was frustrated too. We were off schedule because I had to wait for a worker to come to the house. As soon as the worker came and I got them settled, Hope and I headed out in the oddly warm December weather.

My mind immediately returned to thoughts about how nothing was going smoothly lately. “It’s not that I feel like a victim. No, no this isn’t victim mentality.” I thought to myself. “It’s just, I *wish* things could go a little easier. I *wish* I wasn’t bumping into so many barriers.” I found myself tearing up. It reminded me of the day before when something happened and tears started to form.

Before my son could say anything I said to him, “I know, I know, I’m crying again. It’s what I do lately. The tears just flow.” He laughed and replied, “You beat me to it.” I continued my walk, wondering why I cry so easily lately.

Before my brain could even go there, I said to myself… “Girl, I know you like to analyze everything and have an explanation for everything. But sometimes, sometimes there isn’t an explanation -OR- sometimes one isn’t needed. You don’t need to say ‘it’s what you do lately’ and right now you don’t need to explain away your tears by blaming perimenopause. Just be. Let yourself cry JUST BEcause your body needs to. Just because life is hard sometimes and that’s okay. Sure hormones make it easier to cry 😉 but that’s not always the trigger or even the only trigger.

Life. Life can be a trigger. Life can be hard, and overwhelming and exhausting. Period. Yes, life is good. Sure, everyday should feel good. But sometimes it doesn’t. It’s okay that tears seep out as a response. Let them.”

I sighed a sigh of relief, of feeling free, of feeling more accepted by myself. It’s not that I have anything against crying, I don’t. You all know that. Crying is needed – it’s a way of the body cleansing itself, of helping calm itself, so it doesn’t burst. It’s just, anytime I explained away my tears I also invalidated my feelings. I didn’t leave room for my feelings or experience.

Blaming every tear on a hormonal week or perimenopause, or even exhaustion, didn’t give me a chance to see if something else was going on. Something else that needed space to be seen and fully felt. The rest of my walk was nice and peaceful. I mean 50 degrees in December in NJ? Yes please! The minute I got home a friend called and we started chatting about how exhausted we are from parenting and well, everything 😉 Ironically (or not) we ended up talking about how tears just seem to be natural lately.

She was like “why? just why?” I replied, “Just Because life can be freakin’ hard.” We laughed because we were both also so tired of everything being blamed on anything but our real experience in life. Life can be good. Everyday can have moments that feel good. And also, it can be hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong but just because, it can be a lot. Remember that.

So just keep being you. Keep showing up the best you can in the moment, tears or no tears. You’re doing great.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and also sending tissues (the nice kind with aloe added so your skin doesn’t get rough). Thinking of you all,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Weight, Comfort and Health: Why Starting Again Can Be Complicated

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Alright, gonna be upfront. This is a post about a struggle I’m having with my weight, although really, it’s not about my weight but my search for comfort and getting my brain to cooperate;)

***If this is a topic that might bother you, please stop reading it.This is not a shaming post nor is it a post saying we should all be thin. This is about my health journey per doctors who know about my entire medical story and needs.***

So here I go. I need to restart my journey. I declare it here, today, that I’m getting back on track. For me. For. Me. For my health. For my future. For my family. I was doing so well on my path to get my weight in a good place to help keep me from getting Type 2 Diabetes.

6 weeks ago I was at the lowest I had been in years, down 10 pounds and well on my way to the goal two doctors shared. It’s not that I’m unhealthy per say, it’s simply that the goal weight will really do my body good. That and well, the habits to get me there are desperately needed, in general. I will benefit from them, in general. 6 weeks ago, I literally felt so much pride and joy. Oh so much.

And then stress hit and it hit hard and with it, perimenopause came in like a wrecking ball. Perimenopause (or maybe even menopause) came in at a whole new level. Put the two together? OOF. Give me salty foods, sweet foods, alcohol during the week (instead of my 1 drink per weekend), carbs, you name it. Meal planning? Out the window. Eating leftover pizza and anything I could grab quickly? Ice cream, cheez its, you name it.

Bring it on. With pepperoni and hot fudge! I quickly noticed what was going on. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I tried so hard, but I just didn’t have the resolve. It seemed like I cared, but I didn’t? It was bizarre. Self-sabotage at its finest. It always happens – I start doing well and then I stop trying, I stop keeping up the habits that were making me feel oh so good. I start feeling cruddy all over – physically and emotionally.

It absolutely stinks. I figured it out the other day. The self-sabotage wasn’t intentional this time, it was just bad timing. It was poor stress management. You see, I was (am?) feeling out of control by all the challenges and stress in life. I’m trying so hard to handle many difficult situations, yet feeling like I’m not succeeding. Mentally it’s “why bother trying to work hard and do this and do that if I can’t make progress?” So then I’d go to eat something to feel better.

When I do, my mind says to me, “Come on Sheila, you know you want to avoid Type 2 Diabetes, you can do this, find a better way to comfort yourself.” But instead of listening, my mind replies with what it’s been saying to the stress, “Why bother? What’s the point?” Oops!

And then my brain adds the old thought that I know from my past experiences, the thought that it’s used to, “I’m just going to gain weight again anyways, it’s what always happens. I never succeed.” My brain isn’t used to the new success I’ve had. My brain isn’t fully used to the new habits and how they’ve stuck. Oof. My brain confused my lack of success with the stresses in life with my success with improving my health.

Knowing this new nugget is great. BUT THEN, I have to go to myself, okay, so now what? What do I do with this? Well, I need a substitution for the behavior.

When I want comfort from stress, what can I do instead of reaching for comfort food? Besides having a chat with myself, reminding myself that I’m mixing up my messages 😉 I asked myself this the other day. Oddly enough, the same day I was listening to a podcast about screen time. It said that people should ask themselves, “when they find themselves doom scrolling, they should say, ‘what do I need to feel better right now?'”

I put these two questions together and came to the question I always ask myself, WHAT DO I NEED? What do I REALLY, really need? This prompted me to think, what if I can’t get it, what I really, really need? What if what I need isn’t available? What if what I need is so deep and intangible that that’s why I’m reaching for, doing something tangible? What if what I need is a long vacation? Deeper connections, or at least more time with my good friends? Greater feelings of security, certainty?

As soon as I had this thought, I found myself sitting still (in my minivan of course) in total silence. It clicked. My needs are big right now and not entirely attainable at the level I crave. And so I take nibbles of them. I break off pieces of them.

I can’t get a vacation but I can look at pictures of old ones for a little while and reminisce and hear the ocean.

I can make plans with friends more often.

I can take one action towards managing my budget.

And, when I go for comfort food, I can say to myself, “I might want this…but what I really NEED is comfort. What will actually comfort me right now because this isn’t really gonna do it.”

Because it’s not. Within ten minutes I’ll feel crappy. Guaranteed. Micro-actions. That’s where it’s at. That’s where I will start today. (Along with a MACRO dose of grace and love for myself!!)

 What about you? What micro-action will you take today to help fulfill one of your needs?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you too are on a personal journey and feeling a little stuck. I believe in you and know and am right there with ya.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 

***Reminder: it is easy to misinterpret what we read online without fully knowing a person, their full journey etc. That happened to me last time I wrote about this subject so I’d like to avoid that this go around.

I am not one to shame others nor am I one to say we all need perfect bodies. TRUST me. Please think of this before you comment negatively. I will remove without hesitation any comments that attempt to make me feel bad about myself.***

My Late ADHD Diagnosis: What It Took to Finally Be Taken Seriously

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My ADHD Diagnosis Story * “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.” That was the answer I was given, over and over and over again when I asked, scratched that, begged professionals to test me for ADHD. Talk about dismissive. And unhelpful. And wrong. I never suspected I had ADHD growing up. I mean, it wasn’t a majorly talked about thing and it definitely wasn’t for girls. I knew I had sensory processing struggles but even my mom, who is an occupational therapist, was still learning about what that meant.

But ADHD? Nope. But as I got older, and I had to fill out a questionnaire for one of my sons as part of a neuropsychological evaluation, the wheels started churning in my brain. For every question that I marked a 4 or a 5, “almost always” or “always,” I could have answered the same for myself. At the same time, the set routines and expected daily structures I had had in my life for years, started falling to the wayside.

No more nap schedules. No more going to the same schools. No more simple days where I could count on breakfast at seven, dinner at five thirty and bedtime and eight. I found myself struggling more and more to get things done. To prioritize all the tasks in front of me. To remember basic things. To make decisions. To not sit and zone out for longer than one should. I started noticing how impulsively I could say yes to things; how my brain never, ever, ever stopped.

I complained every. single. therapy session about how I couldn’t manage my time no matter how many different systems I tried.

So I started seeking help from my doctors. Primary. Couples therapist at the time. Psychiatrist at the time. Neurologist at the time. And all said, “You’re just a mom of four kids, with lots going on.”

And so I struggled. And I felt like a failure most days. And I cried most days from overwhelm, exhaustion, and pure utter frustration that I couldn’t get my life together and run a house, manage my family.

And I cried from yelling at my kids because I felt awful about myself. I yelled for lots of reasons, some of which were because I couldn’t manage my emotions well, I couldn’t handle my sensory overwhelm well, I got distracted by every request by each child which created mental chaos and…I was impulsive.

But no one saw any of this, which probably didn’t help my pleas for help. I kept it together like the best of them…on the outside. A recovering perfectionist, I did everything I could to make things work. I researched every system I could to help me manage my life better. I should have bought stock in the Staples office supply store back then 😉 Yes, I masked like the best of them. “Wow, she has four kids and she has it together!” No, no I didn’t.

I was falling apart on the inside and no one believed me. No one would really help me. Apparently life was supposed to be this hard. News flash. It wasn’t. I finally got a new therapist and psychiatrist. I talked with my therapist and she agreed that ADHD was a strong likelihood.

So I insisted that my psychiatrist test me. She was hesitant at first. “Are you sure your divorce isn’t just also making it harder? Perhaps your kids’ ADHD and sensory needs are making it harder? Sheila, your life IS HARD. That certainly isn’t helping.” She wasn’t wrong – to ask, or in her statement.

But she also wasn’t right. So I pushed and got her on board after I finally said something along the lines of, “Listed, my brain isn’t working. Something isn’t functioning right. I’m miserable and depressed as a result and something needs to change. I am begging you to believe me. To trust me, to test me. I have kids with ADHD, I’m not clueless. Here are the struggles I had as a kid…..Here’s where I struggled as a young adult in the workplace….Here’s where I am struggling now….” And so she did.

And we decided to try medication and see what happened. I remember that day clearly. For the first time in years, I felt like my brain worked. Actually, worked. Like higher level, worked. I could think clearly. My thoughts weren’t all over the place. I didn’t jump from one task to the next. I felt a bit calmer. I felt like myself again. Why like myself, again?

Well, because before I had kids, and even when they were younger and their schedule was simpler, I could manage my ADHD on my own. I had less distractions, less stress on my brain, and more structure. It was when everything went kerflooey that I could no longer hold it together. I still struggle, just less. My formal diagnosis was only about two years ago (or less) and I’m still learning what works for me and what is the exact right medication to support me.

Perimenopause isn’t helping and life’s stressors aren’t exactly helping. What is helping? Simply knowing that I’m not a screw up; that my struggles are REAL and don’t mean I’m a failure or lazy. This knowledge has helped me give myself more grace and love when I can’t do certain things or when I get frustrated with myself that yet another attempt at bringing more “order to the chaos” in the house has failed. My ADHD diagnosis led to more grace, understanding, and love for myself, from myself.

It’s been a journey to get here, but at least I am here now.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, but especially for those situations where you are working to figure something out about yourself or your life. Keep believing and trusting yourself.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post