Good morning. It is Thursday. Apparently. It is also December. Apparently. How either of these basic, expected facts are true I do not know. I swear yesterday was just Monday morning and the start to a long week and I swear yesterday was just my 1st day back as The Orange Rhino. I know it is cliche but where is the time going? I need it to slow down.
An update since many of you messaged me. Yesterday’s doctor’s appointment was good. Once I got there. Need to share the before I got there part. So here I was, already a nervous mess, sitting on the train. I decided to open the dr’s medical app to review notes / test results from the past year. Upon opening at 9:23 am, I see that it says “Appointment today at 9:15.” HOLY SH*T I start panicking and crying and thinking “how did I f this up…and I am not surprised I did…I f up lots of appointments lately” and blah blah blah and “now I have to wait another 6 months and this sucks” and more blah blah blah.
Went down the whole rabbit hole of self hatred. I called the office immediately and told them I had the appointment for 11 and that was the reminder I received.
Their response? “Oh yes, but you also had one at 9:15 and you have one at 9:45.” I informed them I was 5 min away from the train station and then would either have to (1) walk/attempt to run in the rain to the appt which would take 20 min at least or (2) fight with everyone for a cab in the rain.
She told me not to worry but to hurry.
So, here I am. Back pack on (I had brought stuff to do in case appt ran late). I check out the taxi line and realize that ain’t happening and I need to get away from the station first.
So I start running. As a mom who had four children. Who apparently needed to pee. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean.
So after running for a solid 6 seconds it was clear: I would NOT be running unless I wanted to have an accident. Swell.
So I walked as fast as I could and then luckily a cab literally pulled up by me (I say literally because it was so close it splashed me lol) and this lovely man jumped out and even held the door for me as I got in. He must have seen the panic in my eyes. I roll up as close to the appt as the driver can get and I start walking as fast as possible again. I arrive and go to the dr and start to check in.
Except I am on the wrong floor. Neurology has three floors in the building and I got mixed up (because I have been to all three!) Anywho, so here I am, just having hauled ass to arrive as fast as possible to be greeted by someone at check in who I clearly didn’t talk to on the phone earlier, because the greeting was: “Yes, lets check you in for your 11 appointment. You are totally on time. You just have two quick tests before your appointment and sometimes day of the app will add those tests as appointments for two hours earlier. You won’t actually do the tests for another 30 min or so. So have a seat.”
FOLKS. At this point, I am dripping in sweat. I was wearing a sweater and a lined rain coat because it was cold!!! Not exactly walk-as-fast-as-humanly-possible / work out type of clothes! I go to the bathroom and dry off using the super comfortable scratchy-aren’t-really-working hand towels and then sit and wait. All my stress just to wait. Ugh.
Silver lining? I made it and the appointment didn’t need to be re-scheduled and another one? I got extra exercise in. The tech called me back and I had my tests done which in layman’s terms test to see if part of my eye is thinning (it shouldn’t be). From what I could tell, the results were the same as May which were the same as February which all means good news.
The Dr. confirmed that she was no longer worried about Glaucoma / vision loss and felt that my thin nerves are my standard. They still need to be monitored every 6 months given other symptoms and test results but now she is more confident and doesn’t need to repeat any other tests or order more MRI’s. (Last February I needed a brain MRI and met with numerous other specialists to understand my vision issues. There was no visual explanation to the thinning or other symptoms which was concerning. I didn’t have a tumor in my brain or behind my eye. Thank goodness.)
This was and is obviously GREAT NEWS. My neuro exam, however, wasn’t completely normal and I need to do more testing. She feels confident that I am experiencing migraines that don’t present as a typical headache…and confident that one diagnosis that a specialist wanted to explore can still remain on the back burner. For now. I have anxiety so just knowing this one diagnosis is still floating out there and isn’t crossed off yet is hard BUT I have learned the following…
Worrying about it now, in this moment, doesn’t do me any good! It just doesn’t. So I am focusing on the fact that apparently it is December and that my favorite day of the year is 24 days away and I want to enjoy every day leading up to it. I am a walking Hallmark movie character – I absolutely love Christmas and all the magic and hope and joy that can come with it. Seriously, anyone know how to get me into a Hallmark movie so I can walk around an adorably decorated town with my hot chocolate in hand and my perfect winter outfit?
Kidding. Kind of. This month reminds me to be present more than others – to enjoy the season of giving, to all. So here is to giving – not just gifts, but also giving patience, comfort, support, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, open-mindedness, hope, laughter, and most importantly love. Love to others and love to ourselves.
Here’s to giving love. (And to good news and not peeing my pants on the way to my appointment!) Thank you all for being here
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
