Tag Archives: Aging

How a Friend Helped Me Finally Let Go of What My House “Should” Look Like

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I had the most liberating, helpful phone call with a friend yesterday. Saweet! It’s amazing how we can know something, tell ourselves something, and yet it takes a friend saying the exact same thing for us to finally hear it and follow through, right?! –>Anyone else experience this? Lately, I’ve been juggling so much (aren’t we all?): parenting responsibilities, launching a company (did I just formally put that in writing?!), being a human, and re-setting up my house after a “kitchen” renovation that somehow took over every room.

Every day, I feel pulled in so many directions. Every day I ask myself, “okay, so what is most important?”

“What action will bring me the most peace?”
“What action will have the largest consequence if I ignore it?”
“What action will energize me the most so I can do everything else a little bit better, so I can go to bed feeling a little bit better about how the day went?”
And of course, the answers never match.

Work needs the most. Parenting matters most. Cleaning weighs on me most. Cue frustration, overwhelm, and hair pulling. In my heart, I knew the house was what I needed to say yes to and yet, I couldn’t. Enter my friend. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate in one of my favorite mugs (and not just because it’s orange, but because it is honestly the perfect size!) and gave her a call.

“Girl! ORGANIZE THE HOUSE! Forget work. Forget doing all the parenting stuff. You feel suffocated by the clutter, the chaos, the visual to-dos. You are drowning in the negative energy that every room brings. It’s okay to say yes to cleaning and organizing.” she said to me, all matter-of-factly.

So I did. After a doctor’s appointment (and a slightly embarrassing nap during my echo with a 25-year-old tech), I came home, rested, and voila—one room re-organized, one me re-energized. Holy shnikes, what a difference in my mood, my outlook, my everything. Cleaning, organizing can be given such a bad rap. Focus on the other stuff people say. Cleaning and organizing can wait. Sure, sometimes it can.

But sometimes, oh sometimes it IS the game changer, the foundation that makes everything better. So the question for me is, what will I tackle today?! Hmmm. Good news…the possibilities are endless since there are soo many boxes and dust is everywhere post floors getting refinished!

What’s your version of cleaning the house? The thing you keep pushing aside but deep down know would make you feel lighter, calmer, more like you again? The thing you want to do but feel like maybe you shouldn’t prioritize because of messaging out there that says otherwise?! Tell me below — I promise, no judgment, just solidarity and maybe a gentle nudge to go for it. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are going to tackle your version of “cleaning the house” today. I’m with you in spirit. Always am.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

When the Other Shoe Drops in College: What I Learned as a Parent

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I’m still processing what happened yesterday. The range of emotions I feel is unreal. The event was scary, worrisome. It was also incredible, surreal, beautiful, uplifting, inspiring. It also gave me valuable insight into several things I need to do as a parent that perhaps you all already do but if not, here is your chance.

Okay, here’s what happened. First off, remember how I wrote Saturday that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop for my college freshman?

Well, it dropped. He ended up in the ER yesterday. He is fine. Why? Because of the amazing friends he has met that were raised by some amazing parents that I would love to meet. And because of an amazing school that I need to thank for having a great emergency system. My gratitude runneth over. Last January, my son had a cardiac event. It was scary to witness.

Yesterday morning, my son called to tell me about his night and again, how happy he was. I’m lucky that our relationship is strong enough that I got all the details about the night. Even the ones I didn’t want lol. More on that tomorrow. He sounded fine. We talked about how he was going to find a way to watch football that day. He hounded me for the Verizon password and yada yada. Two hours later he called telling me he didn’t feel well.

He was exhausted. He felt like his heart was racing. I told him to not drink any caffeine that day, but lots of water. To rest. To make sure to wear his apple watch and to check it on occasion but to not worry. That maybe he took his medicine twice by accident – that I’ve done that. It happens. He called an hour later. His heart rate was 165 when he walked. He felt hot.

“Mom did you pack me a thermometer?” Did I pack him a thermometer?

I held back my chuckle and remembered his snarky “you packed too much crap” comment when I moved him in. “Of course sweetie. It’s in your medical kit in your closet.” I said.

“Oh, by the pulse ox and my inhaler?” he asked.

“Yep.” I said, holding all loving sarcasm to myself, not the time;)

“No fever.” he said.

“Okay. Well, covid is going around. Let’s see if you spike a fever. You could be getting sick. Last time you had a cardiac event it was when you were sick. Take it easy. Call me if it gets worse or find a friend and go to the health office.” I said.

Phone rang again. “Mom. My friend and I couldn’t find the health office. My legs are weak. I can’t walk. I’m dizzy.” He said. I could tell he was about to pass out. He was practically slurring his words and barely making sense.

“Ok. Where are you?” I was oddly calm. Oddly friggin’ calm.

“My friend took me back to our dorm. We are in the lobby. He called Public Safety.” he said.

 “Okay. Can you put him on the phone on speaker?” I asked, again, eerily calm. He did. I walked his friend through what he needed to do. How he needed to keep my son awake and upright. How he needed to stay with him but look around and watch for any stranger to help him.

How if he could, to call another friend to come help. He did GREAT. Great. I could tell he was nervous as my son was going in and out. Public safety showed up and drove them to Urgent Care. Urgent care eventually said he needed to go to the ER. Public safety came back and drove them the 5 min drive as Urgent Care said it would be cheaper, faster and he was stable enough. (Not sure about that looking back as his blood pressure was 158/98 when he arrived at the ER….) And then his friend called me saying that he and 4 friends had all forgone watching football and were in the waiting room with him.

Bless those kids. Be still my heart. I just can’t. My son – who struggled to have friends in high school – was surrounded by true friends…in a waiting room…on the kickoff day for football. I have no words. NONE. Parents, good job. You did good. I then had a major debate about whether or not to drive down. Do I let go? -or- Do I go? His friend asked me to come so I went. He was on the front lines so to speak and could see him.

I trusted him. Worst case I would be told to turn around and I would have had time in the car enjoying my choice of music! Friend #2 kept me updated as I drove down.

Honestly these kids. First class kids. The universe was on my side. No traffic. Perfect weather. I made it there in the shortest time ever. My son’s blood pressure was stable when I arrived and he was turning the corner thanks to IV fluids and time. The nurses and doctors were the kindest people ever. One nurse in particular. She also has a freshman in college. She validated my driving down and praised the kids for how well they did.

She talked to my son about how well he did for knowing he needed medical help and shared her experience with making a similar mistake. No shame. Just support. As it should be. Shame doesn’t leave room for learning. Shame slams the door shut real fast on any opportunity for connection and therefore learning. Beautiful, truly. Again, gratitude runneth over. And here is where I share advice, which I rarely do (at least directly) but feel moved to.

My son’s phone was at 10% by the time he got to the hospital. –> If his phone died, his friends would NOT be able to reach me because they would not have my number. Nor would the hospital be able to get the information needed to reach me. One of the scariest things about our kids being away is the “what if there is an emergency” bit. We all have “in case of emergency” in our phones…but… Do your kids’ FRIENDS have your number to call in case of emergency, especially your college kids?

I know our college kids just got there, and maybe don’t have friends yet BUT do they have 1 or 2 kids they trust enough? Does their roommate have your number to call in an emergency? Listen, I am not about bribes BUT kids “yes” us. “Yeah, yeah mom I will do it.” NO. Offer $20 to Wendy’s to have your child’s friend send proof and call you. IT MATTERS.

This applies to any kiddo with a phone, high school, middle school. Shoot. This applies to OUR friends. Do our friends have our partner’s phone numbers?! Why? My son’s phone died and his friend had my number and called to tell me what hospital he was at. I couldn’t locate him otherwise. It was one of the first things I did when I found out what was going on.

If your child takes medication, do they know the names and doses? My son was smart enough to write it down and bring it with him. (Also, WOW and I’m still in shock. Like, what?! Bravo kiddo. Bravo.) I’m going to write it all on a credit card size piece of cardstock and laminate it so he always has it. Along with his birthday and my phone number. 

This was his second cardiac event. We think it was his medicine but…what if it wasn’t? If your child is over 18, do you have the necessary legal forms in place to be able to talk to doctors if needed? Luckily I did, BUT I forgot them;) Thankfully my fiancé scanned them and sent them to me.

I used Mama Bear Legal Forms. Super easy. So there you go. An uplifting Monday morning story with several nice little lessons too. I hope it made sense. I rolled in late last night and like I said, I’m still processing it all.

Today I have to figure out how to send cookies to these kiddos and find a way to let the school know how incredible their system is. And rest 😉 Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you’re worrying about your kiddos. Parenting is a lot and ain’t easy. End of story;) but even the hard moments have beautiful moments within them. Thinking of you all.

xoxo Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Perimenopause Brain Fog and Decision Fatigue Are a Brutal Combination

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Talk to me! My brain power is non-existent between perimenopause, focusing on my kid going to college, renovation questions etc… but I need to make a decision. Yeah, not going so well.

So I’m crowdsourcing with the best of the best – you! I’m working on updating my website (super excited for it by the way) and I need to decide on the statement/sentiment that people read first. Imagine this. You are new to the Orange Rhino (and you are also you!) Chances are you have landed on the website (or Facebook page) and are having a typical day which means maybe a wee bit overwhelming in spots, definitely a little lonely at times, and you are totally feeling the vibe that “Gray Happens.” Or maybe you are having a perfect day in which case, awesomesauce. What do you want to read to feel a little bit better?

To help you keep going and not get stuck and ruminate and go to the land of blech? BETTER SAID…you are having an eh day. You run into a friend. What do you want her to say to you to make you feel a little bit better? Do you want her to say something that is uplifting, encouraging and gives a sense of how things will be? -OR- Do you want her to say something that meets you where you are at? That makes you feel seen and understood?

-OR- A combination of both? Talk to me. What kind of message would you want to hear first and foremost? How do you want to feel when you land on The Orange Rhino? What wonderful words has a friend said to you that you wish you heard on repeat on the hard days, even the good days? I have a few months to make my dream happen or I am heading to an office job…which isn’t the end of the world but I would so much rather make this place my job!

Thank you, as always. I know this isn’t a typical post, but it’s where I am. STUCK and lacking brain power and unable to make a decision. Pretty sure that is relatable. Sending my warmth to go with your strength, especially if you too are feeling stuck today and out of brain power!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When One Sip Sounds Like a Good Idea: What Sobriety Looks Like on a Hard Day

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The bottle was leftover from the graduation festivities. It sat, open, but closed, in the bottom shelf of the fridge, and it called my name. Oh did it call my name. “Oh hey there Sheila. You didn’t know I was here, did you? Well, here I am. Chilled, open, ready for you, right when you are so incredibly stressed and ready to lose your ever loving mind. It’s just one sip. What’s the danger in just one sip?”

“Right,” I thought. “What is the danger in just one sip? I have already gone well over five months without a drink, so what is one drop, one sip? Does it really matter? It’s not like I decided to stop drinking because I had a problem. I stopped drinking for health reasons. I stopped drinking to show my sons that life didn’t need alcohol to be “delicious” and enjoyable. I stopped drinking because it is a problem historically in my family and I knew I could very well go down that path; that I sensed I might be going down that path.”

I grabbed the bottle. I twisted the lid off. The bottle was two weeks-ish old so the smell of the white wine was strong.

Inviting. Tempting. I lifted the bottle up. And I almost took that sip. I almost did. I was so, so, incredibly close. And then I stopped.

And I walked right to the sink and poured the entire bottle out. First, it was old and it wasn’t worth it. Second, it was just one sip but one sip and I knew that one sip would lead to two, and two would lead to three, and three would lead to a glass. And third, third, I was days away from celebrating 6 months of being alcohol free. I didn’t want to give up on myself. I didn’t want to give up on my commitment. I didn’t want to give up in a moment of weakness.

The pride I felt when I said no to the wine, and yes to myself, was immense. At the same time, the sadness I felt that I was so stressed that I felt I needed something to numb, well, that bummed me out. Why?

Because to me it proved that yes, yes, not drinking was indeed the right path for me. Alcoholism is a problem in my greater family. Not drinking is a part of my journey now.

And the fact that it is so hard some days just continues to prove how it is such an important part of my journey. And it is hard. Really hard some days. Some days the stress, the pain, the overwhelm is so much that I just want a drink to make it go away.

But the drink doesn’t solve anything. And what I really want? What I am really seeking in that moment is the ritual of the drink and the feelings the ritual gives me. The pouring, the creating, of a drink.

Ritual = Doing something just for me The sitting down, and taking a break to drink, the drink.
Ritual = Slowing down and relaxing The enjoying and fully savoring the drink.
Ritual = Filling up with joy after a day of feelings that have been the exact opposite.

So as I continue my journey of not drinking —which is a part of my greater journey of living a life that feels good, that aligns with who I am, who I want to be, what I want, and where I want to go— I will continue to find a new ritual for when I feel overly stressed and needing to numb. I will continue to try and create a reset ritual for myself that doesn’t include alcohol. Or rather, creating several reset rituals. (Side note: if only I liked drinking tea. I used to work for Lipton Tea and I know that tea drinkers find it to be very much a ritual type of thing. I can’t make myself like tea…at all. Ugh. And baths take too long. And exercising at night wakes me up. I’ve tried lots of things. And I will keep trying)

Until I find a reset ritual that works fully…I will keep doing what I am doing which is saying to myself, “Sheil, you don’t want the drink, you want to feel better and this ain’t gonna do the trick. Maybe in the moment it will, but only briefly. It isn’t worth it. Pour some water. Leave the room. Put some music on.”

While I know this post is about my journey to not drink, the truth is we all have things /actions/habits (yes, habits) we do to numb ourselves when we need to escape the frustration, the stress, the pain, the overwhelm, the chaos, the whatever-feeling-we-don’t-like that we are currently feeling.

What is your go to replacement action for said numbing habit? Do you have one? Scrolling is another one of my numbing go-to’s. Ugh. “Don’t scroll, go for a quick stroll” is one of my sayings/actions for that struggle (and yes, I still struggle lol) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are struggling with a numbing activity that you would really like to stop. I know it ain’t easy.

Gosh do I (especially since many of the numbing activities are generally everywhere we go!) 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. Not drinking is officially part of my journey, my story, my life. I will be writing about it more. I can’t, not write about it. I hope you stick around in spite of this addition. Again, it isn’t a judgement of anyone who still drinks. It is just my journey and like I said, it is a reflection of any action we take to avoid feeling something we don’t like AND it is a part of my greater journey to live a life where I can walk lighter and feel brighter

90 Days Without Alcohol: Why I Quietly Decided to Stop Drinking

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I have some news. I’ve debated sharing it but here goes, absolutely nothing, and absolutely everything all at once. This morning I celebrate a major milestone for myself. As of this morning, I have gone 90 days without having an alcoholic beverage. And ladies, I am so friggin’ proud and ecstatic and relieved.

Here’s my story. I haven’t really told anyone about this goal. It kinda just happened. I’ve been trying to get to a healthier weight to beat a type 2 diabetes diagnosis. My health coach suggested I cut back on my 1-2 drinks a week. “Many of my clients your age see a major difference when they do this.”

I knew this to be true, but 1-2 drinks couldn’t possibly make a difference. That’s when I started tracking my food intake. And drinks. And looked in the mirror. Big time.

The truth is, though, it wasn’t 1-2 drinks. Last November, it had become 3-4 a week and one week, it was 7, one nightly. Stress had been increasing, BIG time (clearly.) The end of the day came and my mind, my body, my everything craved a gin and tonic to relieve the stress, the pain, the everything and anything I hadn’t figured out how to cope with because I hadn’t figured out what was bothering me in the first place.

And that, my friends, was a big ‘ole wake up call. I knew that wanting alcohol to numb my pain and overwhelm wasn’t a good thing. You see… Alcoholism runs in my family and not just that – it has run over my family. It has changed lives, in many ways, and not for the better. I wish I could write more but I can’t without permission. For me though, it has always (until this past November) changed my life for the better.

It woke me up and made me say, “Never will I let alcohol ruin my life or my kids.” I have always grown up telling myself I would raise my boys aware of alcoholism and the impacts. I have been drunk less than 4 times as a result of what I have seen alcohol do. I have barely been buzzed for that matter. Even after someone told me, “You’d be a lot more fun if you drank,” I still stayed true to mostly avoiding alcohol. I have always known the negative impact alcohol holds and so I have kept it to a bare, bare minimum.

And so this fall, this fall when my body was practically demanding alcohol to feel better? And then my health coach said something along the lines of (and I am going to get this wrong and I am not giving medical advice): “Your body works harder to focus on removing the toxins that come with alcohol than fat.” Well, I decided that was it. I was going to give it a try. I mean, I’ve had 4 boys and collectively went 36 months without drinking.

I’ve gone years filled with only 1-2 drinks a week. There is certainly no reason I can’t go cold turkey. Oh, and did I mention at this time I was also starting to feel cruddy about myself more than usual? Feeling like a failure because I hadn’t hit some necessary goals? Yep. Let’s add that. I wanted to feel successful again. I yearned to feel successful. I knew that feeling successful would be contagious and would spill over into other areas of my life where I was struggling.

And I was right. Achieving one goal, one day at a time (which actually has been two goals – weight loss, and alcohol loss) has had a major waterfall effect in my life.

So today is a big celebration. I celebrate determination. I celebrate loving myself enough to try. I celebrate reminding myself of my goals every time I saw a drink and wanted one – including last night when the stress of wondering if I am going to meet my packing goal was omnipresent. I celebrate living a life aligned with my values, my goals. I celebrate showing my boys a lesson that matters so very much to me that I had temporarily walked away from.

I celebrate feeling a little more alive again, one day at a time. I celebrate because we should all celebrate any little or big wins we have. It is absolutely friggin necessary and not to mention, so much fun. Confetti is fun ladies. (Just do it in the garage, less mess haha.) I believe in all of us. I write that not to be cheesy or corny or whatever – I write that because I know not all of us have someone saying that.

We all deserve to have a hype person, someone telling us that. You are worthy of working towards the hard goal that you know will ultimately make you feel better. You are, truly.

Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always. And if you need a little extra strength, I share that too. And if you are struggling and wanting to know more about this particular subject, I am a message away (a little preoccupied these two weeks with packing, but I am here.)

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

Never Underestimate the Power of a Small Act of Kindness

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PSA: Never underestimate the power of an act of kindness. Ever. Also, controversial post coming. Kinda. For some it is, for me, it is so far from it.

My day started out pretty rough yesterday, hence no post. I will share about it tomorrow when I am one more day removed from it.

Today I will share what helped me come out of the gray patch. **** It was 5:15am and tears were running down my face. I tried my hardest to recover. To pull myself out of, well, some pretty cruddy, self-defeating, do me no good feelings. The struggle was real and I wasn’t winning. I called my mom to share one thousand different thoughts about all sorts of things and she said to me, “Well, you know what The Orange Rhino would say, right?” I knew where she was going.

My mom is wayyy more overly positive than I am. I am more realist than she is. Yes, yes I am an optimist. Yes, yes I look for the positive, for the bright spots. Absolutely, positive-friggin-lutely. (Yes, yes I also have a wee bit of a sailor’s mouth, sorry!) However, I also, unapologetically, believe that it is 1000% okay to admit to and fully feel the feels FIRST before seeing the positive, before being an optimist.

In fact, I emphatically believe it is necessary. And I told my mom that. “MOM. NO. That is not what The Orange Rhino would say. She would say, it is okay to not feel happy right this moment. It is okay to not be able to see the bright spots right now because sometimes, sometimes LIFE IS JUST HARD. Sometimes life just HURTS. Sometimes, sometimes no matter how many mental health tricks we try, no matter how well we talk to ourselves, no matter how well we process and rationalize what has happened, IT STILL STINKS and in the moment there is no bright spot.

The Orange Rhino would say, mom, to feel that, to honor that, to hold space for those feelings so they can breathe…SO THAT I CAN BREATHE and not be suffocated by the pain, the hurt, the disappointment. The Orange Rhino would say, let it out, let it flow freely so it can flow through you and you can move forward, a little bit lighter because it is THEN that you can see the bright spots and have space, MORE SPACE to let them in and fully embrace them.”

“Okay,” my mom said. “Yep. Got it.”

Y’all, my mom is reading this;) so here’s a bright spot for her;) at least I had someone to call. I know many of you will read this and wish you still had your mom to call. Hugs to you. And mom, here is another bright spot for ya. And here’s where the PSA comes into play. I hope The Orange Rhino I’m writing about is reading this! Not two hours after I got home, I saw a car I didn’t recognize driving past my house.

Our house number is not exactly easy to find. Y’all. Yesterday was my birthday and this Orange Rhino, a most wonderful person who I know from here and there but have never had the honor of actually grabbing lunch or coffee with, just chatting with at exercise class or in the bleachers, was at my door with flowers. She didn’t know about my morning. She was just being herself. Thoughtful. Kind.

And it turned my ENTIRE DAY around. It made me feel seen, loved. It gave me hope. One act. Probably took here ten, maybe fifteen minutes.

And it changed hours of my life. Take the time. Do the act. For someone else, or for yourself. The investment is worth it. I guarantee it. Be the warm, bright in someone’s day. You won’t regret it. And while you’re at. Be real and true to yourself. You won’t regret it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you are needing a friend to show up at your door right now with flowers. Please know, that if I won the lottery today, I would be sending flowers to all of you daily to let you know I see you, I get you, and I’m rooting for you.

xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why You Shouldn’t Put Off Your Own Doctor Appointments

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I had an unexpected medical procedure Friday afternoon. Nothing serious but…it sidelined me, has sidelined me a bit. It has forced me to sit all weekend and rest as I am physically uncomfortable. All this said, a few takeaways that are floating around in my mind that I thought I’d share. Don’t put off doctor’s appointments. Your care matters just as much as your kid’s care. I know, I know. Annoying to hear but I care and so I’m lovingly putting it out there.

I had scheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled this appointment because of kids and life and then never rescheduled it. Ooops. Should have had the appointment years ago. I’m lucky nothing serious happened these past too many years to count. Note to self: Ruminating and worrying does no good. The appointment was supposed to be a consult about whether or not to do the procedure (sorry to be vague, it’s just a weird situation).

If it had been an actual appointment for the procedure, I wouldn’t have gone because I would’ve talked myself out of it out of fear. I would’ve told myself the current pain was okay, manageable. However, this doctor, this new, lovely, kind, gentle doctor explained everything. The pros, the risks of not doing it (which are kinda high) the after care etc. She was so much nicer than a past doctor I met who was part of the reason I had hesitated to reschedule the appointment over the last few years.

This lovely doctor had time to do the procedure (well obviously Sheila lol,) so we did. And I made it through (again, duh) Had I had time to think about it, I would’ve worried myself right out of it. Anxiety is a beast. I struggle with it a lot. I’ve thought a lot this weekend about whether or not I was impulsive in saying yes to the procedure BUT then I say to myself, “Girl, if you thought more about it you would have said no out of fear.” Point being: anxiety is real but not always the best guide and not always right.

We can’t let it always win. Apparently, I’m not superwoman. I was feeling frustrated yesterday that I couldn’t do my daily walks which are so key to my feeling good. I had hopped on the treadmill and after one minute I was all, “yeah no, this ain’t happening.” I texted a friend who has supported my current health goals and she replied, “You need to rest. Your body needs to heal.” Wait, what? The procedure was quick – 10 minutes, maybe 15.

It was in office. It was minor. Heal? Rest? These words hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was going to go on as I normally do. I left the office walking. I drove myself home like no big deal.

Except it kinda was. I had local anesthesia for pain. And it still hurt LIKE HECK. And it was a biopsy which always takes a mental toll, you know? And again, shocker, I’m not superwoman;) Yes, I needed to rest and heal. I did not need to power through. Point being: sometimes the smallest things are still BIG and we don’t need to minimize them, but we still need to heal from them. Point being: sometimes we’re tired and can’t move forward because our body needs to heal and process from the inside – for reasons we know or don’t know…and we need to listen.

Point being: I’m so used to powering through and “doing it all” that slowing down – even when in pain – didn’t even dawn on me and that is an opener worth working on, big time, wouldn’t ya say?!

So there are my Sunday thoughts, from my cozy chair that seems to have my name written all over it this fine January. But hey, at least I have such a chair.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if any of these points hit close to home. You aren’t alone.

xoxo, Sheila


🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You “Should” Feel Joyful but You Just Feel Flat

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Truth time. I *should* be full of joy. I have so many reasons to be. Truly. More reasons than usual actually. And yet, I’m feeling a wee bit flat. I was rocking and rolling until last Thursday morning when the wind got knocked out of me, metaphorically speaking. Since then, it’s been a battle to re-energize myself for long periods of time. The good moments come, I laugh, I smile, I feel the joy and then I go flat again.

Actually, if I’m going to be honest, ever since Thanksgiving it’s been a battle. The holiday season can be tough, especially as a single mom. I try to pretend it isn’t. I try to pretend that all the magic of the season makes it okay, but the truth is, it can be tough.

But the last week has made it extra tough and I’m feeling blech galore. (AND there is an uplifting morale of the post here, have no fear.) I got my 48 hour seizure test results back Wednesday night. As expected, I’m not having seizures. No surprise. What wasn’t expected?

Well, that I would have to fight to get a disc of the video recordings from the test. You see, I’ve been trying for years, at least four, probably five, to capture my symptoms on video so that I can get an actual diagnosis and thus actual help. It’s been like catching a leprechaun. Impossible! Out of the blue, all of a sudden, my body spasms. Big time. Arms, legs, neck.

And it hurts. Like whiplash level hurts. This recent test actually caught five episodes. FIVE. And the office is fighting to give me, ME, the person in the videos, access to the data. Don’t get me started.

I’m exhausted.
I’ve been fighting for years.
I’ve been fighting to be seen as an individual.
I’ve been fighting to be heard, really heard.
I’ve been fighting to be taken seriously, to not be judged as just having anxiety.
I’ve been fighting to be believed.
I’ve been fighting to be helped.

I’m this close and yet a new battle has arisen. One that shouldn’t exist. Did I mention I’m exhausted? I just want to quit the fight and accept that I will have to deal with these symptoms. I feel so defeated. And angry. And did I mention, tired? And yet, and yet, I won’t stop. I won’t quit.

When I got the call back Thursday that “they weren’t able to make the disc” because bs reason, bs reason, bs reason, I didn’t call back. It would have been the third call that day. I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t have it in me to stay patient. To stay kind. To stay rational. And so, I’m resting. I’m rebuilding my reservoir of kindness and patience.

When I call back, I want to have a productive phone call. I want to be able to have a good chance of getting people to want to work with me, instead of not wanting to help me at all. I’m still not rested enough, or removed enough from my absolute frustration.

And it doesn’t help that this holiday can be lonely and exhausting. The feelings of the season match the health situation. I want to quit a lot there too 🙂 My kids didn’t want to help with the tree to the extent they usually do so I wanted to say forgettabout it.

But I didn’t. I just waited until they were ready. I’m creating a lot of my own holiday energy and magic and it’s hard. It makes me want to say I quit this season and yet… I won’t stop trying to create joy. I won’t quit the holiday. I won’t give up on what matters to me. But I will allow myself to feel what I’m feeling so I can help it pass through my system.

So I can shake it out – spasm it out as my body likes to do, hurt it all;) So that I can find my way back to more joyful feelings. (Well at least for longer period of time!!!) What about you? How are you doing this time of year that can be demanding, exhausting and tough for oh so many reasons?!

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are fighting something, anything, and are finding it hard to keep the energy going.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Weight, Comfort and Health: Why Starting Again Can Be Complicated

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Alright, gonna be upfront. This is a post about a struggle I’m having with my weight, although really, it’s not about my weight but my search for comfort and getting my brain to cooperate;)

***If this is a topic that might bother you, please stop reading it.This is not a shaming post nor is it a post saying we should all be thin. This is about my health journey per doctors who know about my entire medical story and needs.***

So here I go. I need to restart my journey. I declare it here, today, that I’m getting back on track. For me. For. Me. For my health. For my future. For my family. I was doing so well on my path to get my weight in a good place to help keep me from getting Type 2 Diabetes.

6 weeks ago I was at the lowest I had been in years, down 10 pounds and well on my way to the goal two doctors shared. It’s not that I’m unhealthy per say, it’s simply that the goal weight will really do my body good. That and well, the habits to get me there are desperately needed, in general. I will benefit from them, in general. 6 weeks ago, I literally felt so much pride and joy. Oh so much.

And then stress hit and it hit hard and with it, perimenopause came in like a wrecking ball. Perimenopause (or maybe even menopause) came in at a whole new level. Put the two together? OOF. Give me salty foods, sweet foods, alcohol during the week (instead of my 1 drink per weekend), carbs, you name it. Meal planning? Out the window. Eating leftover pizza and anything I could grab quickly? Ice cream, cheez its, you name it.

Bring it on. With pepperoni and hot fudge! I quickly noticed what was going on. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I tried so hard, but I just didn’t have the resolve. It seemed like I cared, but I didn’t? It was bizarre. Self-sabotage at its finest. It always happens – I start doing well and then I stop trying, I stop keeping up the habits that were making me feel oh so good. I start feeling cruddy all over – physically and emotionally.

It absolutely stinks. I figured it out the other day. The self-sabotage wasn’t intentional this time, it was just bad timing. It was poor stress management. You see, I was (am?) feeling out of control by all the challenges and stress in life. I’m trying so hard to handle many difficult situations, yet feeling like I’m not succeeding. Mentally it’s “why bother trying to work hard and do this and do that if I can’t make progress?” So then I’d go to eat something to feel better.

When I do, my mind says to me, “Come on Sheila, you know you want to avoid Type 2 Diabetes, you can do this, find a better way to comfort yourself.” But instead of listening, my mind replies with what it’s been saying to the stress, “Why bother? What’s the point?” Oops!

And then my brain adds the old thought that I know from my past experiences, the thought that it’s used to, “I’m just going to gain weight again anyways, it’s what always happens. I never succeed.” My brain isn’t used to the new success I’ve had. My brain isn’t fully used to the new habits and how they’ve stuck. Oof. My brain confused my lack of success with the stresses in life with my success with improving my health.

Knowing this new nugget is great. BUT THEN, I have to go to myself, okay, so now what? What do I do with this? Well, I need a substitution for the behavior.

When I want comfort from stress, what can I do instead of reaching for comfort food? Besides having a chat with myself, reminding myself that I’m mixing up my messages 😉 I asked myself this the other day. Oddly enough, the same day I was listening to a podcast about screen time. It said that people should ask themselves, “when they find themselves doom scrolling, they should say, ‘what do I need to feel better right now?'”

I put these two questions together and came to the question I always ask myself, WHAT DO I NEED? What do I REALLY, really need? This prompted me to think, what if I can’t get it, what I really, really need? What if what I need isn’t available? What if what I need is so deep and intangible that that’s why I’m reaching for, doing something tangible? What if what I need is a long vacation? Deeper connections, or at least more time with my good friends? Greater feelings of security, certainty?

As soon as I had this thought, I found myself sitting still (in my minivan of course) in total silence. It clicked. My needs are big right now and not entirely attainable at the level I crave. And so I take nibbles of them. I break off pieces of them.

I can’t get a vacation but I can look at pictures of old ones for a little while and reminisce and hear the ocean.

I can make plans with friends more often.

I can take one action towards managing my budget.

And, when I go for comfort food, I can say to myself, “I might want this…but what I really NEED is comfort. What will actually comfort me right now because this isn’t really gonna do it.”

Because it’s not. Within ten minutes I’ll feel crappy. Guaranteed. Micro-actions. That’s where it’s at. That’s where I will start today. (Along with a MACRO dose of grace and love for myself!!)

 What about you? What micro-action will you take today to help fulfill one of your needs?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you too are on a personal journey and feeling a little stuck. I believe in you and know and am right there with ya.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 

***Reminder: it is easy to misinterpret what we read online without fully knowing a person, their full journey etc. That happened to me last time I wrote about this subject so I’d like to avoid that this go around.

I am not one to shame others nor am I one to say we all need perfect bodies. TRUST me. Please think of this before you comment negatively. I will remove without hesitation any comments that attempt to make me feel bad about myself.***

Why Burnout Advice Can Feel Like the Last Thing You Need

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I was scrolling social media last night (numbing myself if I’m gonna be totally honest) and stopped suddenly. A post about “how to avoid burnout” really ticked me off. It was well intentioned. Had great ideas. And yet, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Maybe it was my state of mind since I’m doing everything I can to avoid burnout as we speak and the last thing I needed right then was to read about how to avoid it.

I wanted to be seen.
Supported.
Listened to.
Understood.
I wanted everything “burning me out” to disappear.
I didn’t want to do more; I wanted everything causing me stress to go the blippidy blip away!

Which made me think. There is a self-care message that I feel isn’t said enough, especially in the social media world. (Wait, is there even another world of communication these days?) Maybe the message is out there but I don’t see it because I’m just bitter because I know in my heart I don’t “do self-care” well enough and I feel “shamed” by all the “you should do these things” messages.

Or maybe I miss the one message I seek because I’m just bitter because my life isn’t as “easy” as others who are able to “do” all the “self-care” things one “should” do to feel good as they take on modern day challenges.

Or maybe, it’s that I’m down to earth, and honest, and real, and I want people who are struggling, overwhelmed, tired, craving a break, really near burnout and in need of all these “self-care” suggestions (like me!) to feel really seen and not inadvertently shamed.

Most likely, it’s all of the above (as it always is of course!) The message? Actually messages, that I wish I saw more of?

(1) You can do everything you are “supposed” to do to avoid burnout, to take care of yourself, and still burnout. Maybe not total, complete burnout, but close enough.

And it isn’t because you failed or did a lousy job at “self-care” it’s because there are simply seasons that are overwhelmingly, massively HARD. They are so hard that the hits just keep coming at a rate faster than your well-intentioned self care actions can overcome. Again, it isn’t for your lack of trying or because you’re broken that you burnout. It’s because life can be unrelenting sometimes. So you do your best and love yourself fiercely through all the challenges; that is the ultimate self-care that will keep you going.

(2) All of these supposed ways to avoid burnout: – Set boundaries – Incorporate healthy sleep habits, exercise habits, etc… – Make life simple – Connect with friends Well they take time to learn so it’s not as easy as “do these things and you won’t burn out!” So again, let’s be kind to ourselves as we work to “not burnout.” But also, as you learn them, you might burn out along the way.

See point one once more 🙂

Also, once again, there are simply seasons where these can be hard!

When I tore my ACL? Yeah buh-bye sleep and exercise and simple life and HELLLO burnout. Divorce? Lost friends, sleep out the door, lost energy to remember to do the other things. HELLLLO burnout.

Do you see where I’m going? Again, loving ourselves through the hard is the ultimate self-care and yet, and YET that too is so hard to do sometimes because it’s also a skill that for some of us takes time to learn.

I “may or may not” have had some unkind things to say to myself last night. I’d like to blame my hormones but…I also know I can be kinder to myself and should be.

So I guess the third message? The one I really would have loved?

(3) Hey there. I see you scrolling. My guess is you are close to burn out. I know you’re working hard. Doing all the things to avoid burnout. To feel good. To parent well. To live well. To be well. To love well. It’s A LOT of work, I know.

Because right now life is A LOT of work. Some days I bet it feels like a battle, a battle I bet you wish would just get easier. Keep doing whatever little bit you can do today – it does make a difference. I’m thinking of you. I’m not going to tell you what to do to avoid burnout; you already know.

And I know you are trying so hard. I’m just going to tell you I’m here, with you, lending my hand if you need help. (Oh but I will tell you to be kind to yourself because I’m pretty sure you might be forgetting that part right now.) Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if this post resonated with you,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino