I recently read an article about being burned out and well, that hit a nerve. I have absolutely, positively, no idea why. Shortly after I realized the month was coming to an end and as has been the case every month, a word came to me clear as day: AUDIT. I need to do an audit of my life. I need to step back and assess my life a bit – my actions, my choices, my everything.
So I give you… AU-dit-GUST. It’s a big month for me. My oldest goes to college in two weeks and I’m not ready. Maybe it’s by design. You know, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about how I really feel. If I did, I would be paralyzed in sadness or overwhelm. Just last night it hit me real hard and the fear came in and knocked me over…
Have I taught him enough? Is he ready for all the peer pressure that comes with parties and this and that? How will he handle the workload? How will this and that and that and this? Did I do enough? Did I do a good enough job? Do I have enough time to do more? Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.
But I have to ask myself, truly, honestly…why am I here? Why am I panicking – besides this is probably normal for first time moms? Well… My gut knows that I didn’t manage my priorities well this summer. That I procrastinated out of overwhelm, fear, and more. My gut knows that I am not doing well with my ADHD and figuring out how to work with it, especially as perimenopause makes it a heck of a lot harder. My gut knows that I am not doing a great job taking care of myself; that I haven’t been eating well, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, or exercising – all things that help me feel well, be well and do well.
And by my gut, what I really mean, is I know. I don’t write this to be negative or self-critical. It’s the opposite. It’s actually self-love in a way. My self-reflection, my honesty with myself, will help me move forward to a place I’d rather be. Not being honest with myself, that’s not love. That would just keep me stuck and feeling heavy. I want to feel light, buoyant, and as balanced as possible. I want to feel as present as possible.
So I need to AU-dit-GUST to see where the obstacles are holding me back. Where can I subtract? Where can I add? Where can I keep things the same? Where can I ask for help? Where can I be more honest with myself? Where can I let go? One thing that I am considering, as you noticed, is writing a little less here this month so that I can really, truly focus on this big transition in my life. It’s hard for me to do this.
It means I will take a hit with Facebook sharing with all of you and I will have to bust my tuckus to get it back. It means while I will feel good about focusing more in one area of my life, I will feel a little unsure about another area. It means I will get out of habit which is hard for me as getting back into habits is always a challenge. It means being uncomfortable. Sometimes discomfort is needed for growth so I am going to accept being uncomfortable.
And besides, my first few days of AU-dit-GUST clearly gave me the decision to take a step back from writing and I think it is the right one for now. We’ll see. Life ebbs and flows. I think we all know that on August 20th (after drop off) I’m gonna be a mess and need to write about it 😉 What about you? Do you need an AU-dit-GUST as you prepare for back to school or the wrapping up of summer and the start of fall? Are you feeling a little misaligned and needing to do a reboot to feel a little lighter?
OR is your AU-dit-GUST leaving you feeling great? And remember, just because we self reflect and see growth, it doesn’t have to be negative. It can be done with compassion and excitement – and it should be done that way;) Off to breakfast as I am in a different city…again.
Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you totally get this and are feeling you need an AU-dit-GUST like now. Do you want me to post some questions daily? That is easy for me to do…lol…I think.
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
