It’s Halloween and also the last day of October which is ADHD Awareness month so…perfect time for me to talk about masks. Even if you don’t have ADHD, please have a read, for me, for the kids who do. Kids will wear masks later today to be someone different – if even just for a little while.
Maybe they will pick that character because it’s fun, or scary, or just plain cool.
Or maybe they will pick it because it is so nice to take a break from being themselves.
Or maybe they will pick it because they don’t want to be noticed by classmates while they try to enjoy trick or treating, because in school the classmates give them a hard time because they have ADHD.
Maybe the classmates give the kiddo a hard time because they don’t stop talking.
Maybe the classmates tease the kid because the teacher always calls them out for not paying attention.
Maybe the classmates give the kiddo a hard time because they make lots of small social snafus because their brain is going so fast it misses part of the conversation (or because their brain is developing differently, in general.) Who knows.
But what I do know? What really makes me want to yell? Is the lack of understanding around ADHD and more so the lack of understanding and empathy for those who have it – kids and adults alike.
And it’s the stigma around it. Oh the stigma and assumptions! ARGH!
“It’s not real.” Yes, yes it is. It is very, very real. It has lots of real challenges and lots of real upsides. Spend just an hour inside my brain and you’ll see.
“It’s all about physical hyperactivity.” Nope. For me? The hyperactivity is in my brain. My brain never stops going, ever. Like, did I mention ever?! It ruminates more than most and it is always coming up with new ideas. See? Challenges and upsides.
“It’s all because people don’t work hard enough to focus, to be disciplined, you name it.” Oh, oh we work hard. It’s all we do. Our efforts to focus and create new habits and follow systems that support us take us ADHDers more energy and many more attempts. It’s exhausting. Especially since said systems often need frequent tweaks to keep our brain on track.
“It doesn’t really impact one’s social life.” Yes, yes it does. It impacts friendships and relationships. I probably have lost a few friends because of my own social snafus and impulsively saying things I shouldn’t have. : ( My relationships are harder because of ADHD; because of losing focus, of forgetting things, of struggling with emotional regulation and being overwhelmed.
And that’s just me. –>I’m not talking about kids with ADHD who are truly left out. Having ADHD can be lonely. There is just so much to know about ADHD. I’m still learning. I’m a mom to four boys and several have ADHD. Learning about how to help myself, as a late diagnosis mom, while also learning to help them, while also knowing that we EACH have our different needs and tools? Well it’s enough to make my ADHD brain wanna explode. Overwhelming isn’t the word.
And so I often feel shame. A lot of shame. Oh so much shame. Shame because there is such a gap in what I want to do and what I actually do, as a result of my ADHD brain. I know I’m a good mom and also, and also, I wish I had my diagnosis earlier so that I could have had a better handle on my symptoms earlier. So I could be better at helping my family.
But my diagnosis was only just recent because no one saw it or believed me when I started asking. Some said it’s because I wore the mask so well – because I worked so hard to get things right (to be organized, to be on time, to be successful, to be calm, whatever) that I couldn’t possibly have ADHD. I seemed to be doing well so how could I actually be struggling?
But oh did I ever and oh do I ever. And it’s exhausting. Working so hard to manage the symptoms and “keep up” is exhausting. Not to mention I have so much to learn and yet my older brain is struggling to take it all in. I’m determined though to keep learning, to keep supporting my kiddos the best I can, and to keep getting the word out about ADHD from my experience so that more people can take off their masks and breathe a little easier knowing that they’re not alone.
Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are adjusting to an ADHD diagnosis or love someone who has it. I know it’s a lot and I know a lot of people don’t understand that. I do. I really, really do.
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
Side note? If it weren’t for my ADHD? This page probably wouldn’t exist lol. I mean Orange + Rhino? The amount of steps my brain took to get there, to connect totally random dots?!
LOVE it, total upside to ADHD.
