Happy New Year Orange Rhinos! My four stayed up until midnight for the first time ever, well and I did for the first time in years, so yeah…today is going to be a LOOOOOONG day 🙂 To boot, we did Just Dance all night and I am out of shape so my whole body hurts and my feet are killing me BUT we had a fabulous time so it was worth it. (Check in with me in a couple of hours when I need a nap and they are fighting.)

Anywho, as we all go about this New Years Day, I know that many, many set a New Years Resolution to Yell Less and Love More. I want to remind you that every day, every hour is a chance to Yell Less and Love More. You do not need to set a goal for the entire year nor do you need to start today just because it is New Years. Start at any point when you feel ready and can dedicate yourself (as much as one can) and choose a goal that is inspiring to you but not intimidating.

I wrote the following kind of sarcastic, kind of true, sentence in my head back in July. Or was it June? Perhaps even as early as May?

“My name is The Orange Rhino and I wrote a book about how to stop yelling at my kids and now I need to read my own book.”

Well, that was probably the most fun sentence I have ever shared with you all! Oi! I had full intentions of sharing that sentence with you all this past summer, followed of course by all the “wonderful” details about how I had started struggling with yelling again. I didn’t keep it from you out of embarrassment, nope that was definitely not the case; it’s just that the following happened….

Shortly after that sentence started floating in my mind (okay, bombarding my mind,) I finally accepted that it wasn’t just a sentence, but that it was a true statement that needed to be brought to life. Yes, I finally accepted that it was time to really, like really, really, focus more of my energy on being an Orange Rhino. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been focusing on yelling less and loving more, oh I totally had been, it’s just that I finally accepted that I needed to take my efforts to a new level because I wasn’t making as much progress as I hoped. Although I felt a wee bit deflated and a big bit frustrated, kind of like I did when I started my journey to stop yelling back in January 2012, I felt these yucky feelings to a much lesser degree because this go around I knew that I had a tried-and-true resource to help me.

I had my book.

Seriously, this was my first thought when it hit me hard that I needed to up my game and oh did it bring me immense relief, comfort, hope, and determination. I knew in my heart that my book would help me figure out why the heck I was yelling so much again. I knew it would remind me of some of my favorite tricks to try in the heat of the moment. I knew it would give me inspiration to keep going when I wanted to quit trying to improve. And most importantly, I knew it would guide me back to being the parent I loved being and knew I was capable of being.

So I picked my book, and started reading.

As hoped, my book did guide me right back to being The Orange Rhino I hoped to be.
And well, at the same time it guided me away from writing hence the non-existent post this summer!

You see, as soon as I started following the 30-day guide in my book, and started tracking my triggers and digging deep, I quickly realized that the biggest thing I needed to do to get me back on track was to take care of me. Like, immediately. Like, should have done weeks, no months ago. “Of course you are struggling with yelling,” I thought to myself, “you aren’t doing any of what you know to do because you have absolutely nothing left in your tank. You are more than depleted. You need an honest to goodness break.”

So took a break I did, from anything and everything that I could.
Oh, and yell less and love more I also did, and still do.

I am successfully back to being The Orange Rhino parent I aim to be and man am I grateful! The land of The Orange Rhino is a much more peaceful, pleasant, and enjoyable place to be than the land of the grumpy grey rhino! That said, I know that I still need to keep my mind 110% focused on staying in this state to ensure that I really stay in this groove. So, I am planning to re-read my book again and I would love it if you read along with me and take this journey alongside me!

Let’s get to and stay in Orange Rhino land together…and let’s do it with a book club!

Yes, a book club. Yeah! Finally…after months of wanting to do one I actually have the reserves to do one. I am psyched, are you?! Here are the details.

 

Book Club TIMING:
November 1, 2015 to December 1, 2015.
Each day we will read 1 day out of the book, which averages about 3-5 pages so the time commitment to reading is completely manageable!

 

WHERE:
The book club will be held online at The Orange Rhino private community (www.theorangerhino.com/community) Why here instead of Facebook you ask? The private community offers a very organized approach to sharing information and therefore gives all members the ability to easily:

• Connect and communicate with others, especially those who share some of the same struggles as you do, giving you more personalized information/stories to help you on your journey and a wicked awesome support network
• Read posts by others that guaranteed will make you feel less alone and more hopeful
• Stay on track and follow along even if you missed a day (all posts have headers and will clearly indicate which day is in discussion)
• Privately post questions and concerns and receive nonjudgmental advice and loving support
• Search the content for specific topics without having to scroll through numerous posts (think of The Community as an online yelling encyclopedia! Struggle with yelling in the car? Search “yelling in the car”)
• Keep track your own entries which in effect gives you an online diary which is a great tool for this journey, and
• Return to and review the Book Club information even after the book club is over

Also, many have shared with me that despite a love for Facebook, it is also indeed a major trigger J so I hope that just by being at The Orange Rhino private community you will already find yourself yelling less and loving more even before you are deep into the book club!

HOW the Book Club will work:
Each morning (assuming no emergencies!) I will post which pages to read and a question to think about/write about that day. When applicable I will also share links to other blog posts, links to other resources, extra inspirational quotes and extra tips to try. Additionally, I will offer the choice to sign up for a daily email reminding you to check in. Accountability is a great tool in the journey to yell less, as is having as many reminders as possible!

BONUS features for this Book Club!
Many of you have already participated in the book club so not only will I add new material, but also I am adding a few things. This Book Club will include occasional:

• Conference Calls to help guide you through some of the more “technical” aspects of the book*
• Videos to encourage you to keep going (and so I can pretend that I am sitting in a coffee shop, talking to you live!)*
• Online Chats on the Community to answer any questions*
• Giveaways of Orange Rhino paraphernalia to celebrate the book turning 1!*Times and dates for the calls/videos/chats will be shared ahead of time

How to SIGN-UP and get started:
As all book clubs go, I will lead the days’ discussions based on the content in the book. So, understandably, you need the book to participate! My sincere hope is that the combination of the book content and the enhanced support and conversation on the community will truly help make your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” both easier and enjoyable! Ready to start your journey?

1. Email any proof of purchase of the book/e-book (photo, screenshot, receipt) to YellLessLoveMore@gmail.com. DEADLINE Thursday, October 29th
2. You will then receive an email with your login information for the private community and other key information. It might take a few days to receive your email as I manually enter everyone into the Community and it takes a bit of time. Thanks in advance for your patience!
3. IF you did the last Book Club, then you do not need to send proof of purchase, just an email so that I can add you to the new forum (you will still have access to the old ones.)
4. You can start reading the book now if you want – or wait to read with us so you are at the same spot as others. If it were me, I would read the Introduction and then just flip through the rest to get a feel for the layout of the book and some of the questions.

So there you have it, all the information you need to participate in the next “Yell Less, Love More 30-Day Challenge Book Club!” I really hope that you will join and that we have the chance to read the book together!

Looking forward to November 1^st and taking this journey alongside you,
The Orange Rhino
a.k.a. Sheila

Today I read the now viral article about how the owner of a diner in Maine yelled at a customer, a customer who happened to be a two-year-old child. Supposedly, the child was carrying on and on and the owner had enough so she screamed at the child to knock it off. Understandably so, this popular story has elicited a lot of responses about who was right and who was wrong. And while I would love to share my opinion on that matter, instead I am going to focus on one line from the article that reminded me of one of the many important lessons I learned when I stopped (and started and stopped) yelling at my kids.

The last line of the article reads, “I wouldn’t say I was sorry (for yelling,) because it stopped. When things stop, it’s usually a good thing.”

The owner isn’t alone in her thinking that the yelling worked so it’s a good approach. In my four years as The Orange Rhino, a parent determined to respond to triggers warmly and without yelling, just about every single parent I have communicated with has shared the same sentiment. “But yelling works. It stops the behavior that I want to stop.”

I get this sentiment. Oh how I get this sentiment. Trust me!

I have thought that “oh, well yelling works” more times than I can count! I have wanted to buy into this thought as a supporting theory for why it is okay to yell at my kids oh so many times! Yes, when all else fails and my constructive attempts to get my kids to clean up, to stop hitting each other, to go to bed, or to do whatever haven’t worked, yelling has “saved the day” and “worked.” When I used to get loud and mean enough, I eventually either scared my children or hurt their feelings enough so that they stopped dead in their tracks causing the annoying behavior to stop as well.

But does that mean the yelling really worked? That it was a good thing?
I am going to argue no.

Yes, on the surface level the yelling worked. When I yelled, I achieved a short-term goal of getting a said behavior to stop. But let me be honest; that really isn’t my main goal when I think of getting a behavior to stop. One of my main goals as a parent is to teach my children so that their good behavior continues and their “bad” behavior disappears not just for a moment but mostly forever. I don’t want to just stop it once; I want to stop it for (again, mostly!) always. But I cannot teach effectively and change behavior if I am yelling. To teach effectively I need to speak clearly and my kids need to be in a good enough place to receive my words. Yelling successfully achieves neither of those necessities! 

There ain’t no doubt about it, but when I am yelling, there is nothing clear about my communications (well, except that I’m pissed.) I’m yelling so loud and fast, and my heartbeat is racing so much that my words come out as a jumbled incomprehensible mess, completely destroying my communication efforts. Even if my kids were in the best listening place possible, when I yell I am not giving them anything coherent to take in so no, no my yelling isn’t teaching what I want to teach effectively, so no it isn’t “working.”

But what does put kids in a good listening place anyways, you ask? What puts them in a place where they won’t tune me out and will want to (kind of) listen? In my experience, my kids listen best when they feel calm, safe, and undistracted. Does yelling do that? Um, nope, not really. My boys can’t focus when I yell. I can see it in their eyes that are looking anywhere but one spot. I can see all the distracting thoughts bouncing around, “When will she stop?” “I hate her when she yells.” “I’m gonna tell daddy.” “I don’t care. Whatever mom.” They don’t focus on my words; they focus on their own thoughts and potentially own response, “You’re the meanest mommy ever,” being one of the all time favorites!

I also learned that my kids listen best when I speak in a tone that doesn’t hurt their ears or scare their minds; when I use a tone that invites them in and encourages them to listen. Does yelling do any of those things? Again, um, nope, not really. I mean gosh, whenever I have been yelled at, whether as a child or adult, my response has basically been piss off! Yelling doesn’t motivate me to change, it motivates me to do anything but change! It motivates me to tune out the messenger…fast! And it motivates me to be stubborn and difficult, which by the way, I am wicked good at and which double by the way is a trait my children inherited. So no, yelling doesn’t work for me – it actually works against me!

You know, I often think of the Peanuts cartoons when I think of what actually happens when I yell at my kids. I think of how in the cartoons the kids only hear, “Wah, wah, wah!” That’s like my kids when I am yelling!! Yes, they hear the yelling, they get the message I’m pissed, but because my yelling pushed them to tune me out, they don’t get the rest of the message, the lesson that I am really, really, really trying to share. They don’t hear, “STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER NOW IT’S NOT NICE.” Instead, if I am lucky, all they hear is, “stop hitting, wah wah, wah, wah!”

Is it great they get the message stop hitting?! Heck yeah! But I’ve learned that if at the same time – the time when the behavior I want to change is happening – they don’t also get the message that it isn’t nice, that hitting isn’t how we treat people, etc… it’s hard for them to make the connection between the bad behavior and the lesson. It’s hard for them to internalize the lesson and therefore make the right decision the next time.

So again, yelling doesn’t work as “intended” to, which is to say, it doesn’t stop behavior for the long haul. Yelling simply doesn’t open doors for communication and learning, but rather, it closes them.

Okay, except maybe in one situation. We all know my book is titled “Yell Less, Love More.” That’s because yells will happen. In those yelling moments we might not teach and we might close doors to learning but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be re-opened. They can be…immediately after the yell. Then is the best time to teach an entirely different, unintended lesson: mistakes happen and when they do, we need to apologize.

(Maybe I did share my opinion after all, eh?! And no, that was not intended!)

* * * * *

Want to Yell Less and Love More and learn more of some of the lessons that helped me stop yelling at my kids? Check out my book, which is part memoir, part journal, part physical reminder to not yell! It is available here. It is a 30-Day Guide to help you on your own journey to discover your yelling triggers and and to create a plan to manage them. Filled with honest stories to inspire you and remind you that you are not alone in your struggle with yelling, “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids–and How You Can Too!” also shares 100 of my favorite alternatives to yelling and my favorite tools.

Dear Orange Rhinos,

I love champagne so naturally I love the sound of a champagne bottle popping open signaling me that bubbly goodness is sips away. POP!

I love playing tennis so naturally I love the sound of a new container being open signaling me that stress relief is moments away. POP!

I love eating popcorn so naturally I love the sound of kernels cooking on the stove signaling me that buttery deliciousness is moments away. POP!

And I love jumping on trampolines, especially with my kiddos on a beautiful spring day when the sky is crystal blue and when every time you jump your eyes see nothing but splashes of spring pink, purple, yellow, white, and green.

What I do not love, rather, what I did not love two Saturdays ago was the loud sound my knee made when I landed incorrectly on a trampoline, signaling me that horrific pain, a long recovery, and probably surgery was not far away but imminent. POP!

Champagne bottles are supposed to pop. Tennis canisters are supposed to pop. Popcorn is supposed to pop. Knees? Not so much, like not at all. But that is exactly what my left knee did.

I had just finished instructing my kids how to jump and land safely. I launched myself into the air (with complete and utter confidence mind you since I did this as a gymnast when I was a kid and since I daily jump on a small exercise trampoline while working out) and then got distracted talking to my friend and didn’t pay attention to landing. The result? I landed, my knee POPPED and I dropped, immediately grabbing my knee. You know the football players who get sacked in a game and immediately drop and you wince at the same time because you can tell they are in immense pain? Yeah, that was the kind of pain I was in.

My friend ran and got my husband while her brother stayed with me and graciously let me grab his arm and squeeze it with all my might. I still wasn’t crying as I was just focused on trying to breathe and not scream so bad as to freak out Mac who was right there watching the whole thing. My husband came out and asked, “Oh babe, what happened this time?”

He had a smirk that I totally got. I mean, two falls ago I fell going down one measly stair and broke my right foot and this fall I busted my shoulder while helping Mac during his seizure. I mean, I just have a knack for hurting myself in the most silly, ridiculous manner. I smiled back a bit and squeaked out,

“No, it’s really bad. I can’t move my knee. I can’t straighten it. I don’t want to. You have to take me to the ER now.”

As soon as we got in the car, my husband ever so delicately dared to ask, “Well, was it at least your left leg?”

“Yes, thank goodness!” I said. “I have already had that thought. So at least I can drive a bit!”

We laughed and then I returned to grimacing and screaming as every few seconds a shoot pain stabbed me in the knee. Folks, did I mention how much this sucked?

Luckily for me, we live five minutes from a wonderful hospital. And luckily for me, the ER was not crowded! We went in, I got registered and then my husband headed off, as he needed to get the kids from our neighbor.

Cue: tears.

I cried because of the immense pain.

I cried because I knew walking outside in the glorious spring weather (a favorite past time of mine) was now out.

I cried because of the revelation that my newfound focus on exercising and eating healthy in order to gain weight was mostly out.

I cried because I had a strong feeling that surgery was in the future and I have feared ¬–and successfully avoided¬–surgery my entire life.

I cried because I knew from last year’s broken foot what having an injured leg meant: relying heavily on others…again, feeling stuck at home…again, feeling helpless…again.

And I cried because I have needed to cry about all sorts of things for months and I have been holding it together for some asinine reason.

The tears, well, they just kept a coming and coming as I sat in the waiting room and then as I laid down on the stretcher in the pediatrics hallway (apparently the ER registration was empty because the actual ER had already filled up with all the waiting patients!) Side note: of all the places I had to be put, I had to end up in the Pediatrics section where I so often take Mac. And yes, that made a lot of tears fall as I cried about being grateful I was there for me, and not him.

The ER doctor FINALLY came over and took one look at me and said, “Let’s get a quick overview and then get you some pain medications it is clear you need some.”

“Uh huh,” I sniffed.

And then when we he finally said, “Okay, you need an x-ray but first, I want to give you your pain medication because moving your leg for the x-ray will hurt. Do you want oral meds or via a shot which will work faster?”

I hate shots. But I didn’t hesitate,
“Shot please. Now.”

And the tears started again because the pain was just growing as the swelling grew and grew. And the tears started because I have actually never had such a severe injury and it was all-new to me and I just wanted my mommy and my hubby. I didn’t want to be alone – but also didn’t want to bother anyone because in a screwed up manner, I guess I wanted to cry in peace, you know? Don’t ask 😉

And the tears didn’t stop until, well the Monday after really, and well to be honest, they still sneak in every day. I left the hospital with a knee brace and strict instructions to get to an orthopedic surgeon on Monday. I slept all day Sunday…literally. Pain is exhausting it turns out ☺ At last Monday came and after getting a late afternoon STAT MRI done (the doctor took one look at my knee and my face and said, “I am certain you have a torn ACL), I cuddled into bed with all my boys and put a movie on so we could rest and they could hopefully just fall asleep nice and easy for me.

The doctor called within ten minutes of everyone finally settling down (of course!) and told me what I feared,

“Well, you have a torn ACL, a torn meniscus, and a torn something-or-other ligament. Given the extent of your tears and your age, I strongly suggest surgery.”

And what do you think happened next? Well after I got off the phone? Yep, more tears.

Torn ACL.
Surgery.

I am an athlete of sorts and have always feared “the torn ACL” and the recovery. I have also feared surgery since I was a kiddo and increasingly feared it since having to put my kids under anesthesia numerous times for important MRI’s. And yet here I was, being told I did one and need the other. Blech.

I have until May 22nd to get over the surgery fear for after getting several opinions and weighing the options, I have decided to have the surgery. I am getting over the ACL fear – the knee is torn, not much I can do! Until then, I am doing physical therapy three times a week to strengthen my leg so I recover better. I am daily feeling grateful for my friends who have stepped up to help me with the kiddos. I am hobbling around the best that I can, sitting in my rented wheelchair outside taking in the spring as best as I can even though I can’t walk. (Side note: my new ride is a lifesaver in preparing meals and cleaning up when I am tired from crutches or “walking,”)

And I am trying my best to find both the humor and perspective in the situation. As I keep saying, “What can I say? I like to go all out. Why tear one ligament when you can tear three?”! I mean after all, I am the crazy person who committed to 365 days straight without yelling ☺ And on that note, I’ll bring this entire post back to The Orange Rhino Challenge and well, to the title of the post! In addition to finding humor now to help soothe my frustration, while on the stretcher in the hospital, between tears, I was trying to find perspective to calm me down. I was thinking how grateful I was that I had access to good care. I was thinking how glad I was that my husband was home. I was thinking that hey, at least it is my left leg. And yes, I did think, well at least I got a pedicure done recently. Ha!

 Do you know why it was instinctual to find humor and perspective in the face of stress and frustration? Because I learned to do so on my journey to Yell Less and Love More! Both actions are now habits that I apply to so many tough moments in my life making me that much more grateful for The Orange Rhino Challenge! For real.

Lets all keep moving forward, one step, or one hobble at a time!
All my best,
The Orange Rhino

Seeing as Saturday is Valentine’s Day and all, I thought I would hop on and share these two adorable stories from the last 24 hours.

First, this morning my 5 year old had to take his last dose of nasty medicine for his lung/chest/whatever you want to call it infection. The deal is he gets a cookie if he does so without spitting it out. Nope, I am so not over bribing when medicine is involved 🙂 Anywho, he picked a chocolate chip cookie with M&M’s in it. He took his medicine like a champ, then chomped away on his prized cookie, also like a champ. As I frantically tried to pack 3 lunches and became lost in the “blech it is so late are we gonna make it on time” madness that school morning’s bring, this sweet little boy wandered back over to me.

“Here mommy. I saved the last bite of the cookie for you because it has an orange M&M. You know, Orange Rhino.”

Heart. Melt. Love this kiddo! (And let’s be honest, I equally loved having a cookie at seven in the morning!)

Now lets go back another 12 or so hours to two nights before my older sons’ school Valentine’s Day parties. The following conversation ensued:

Me: “So boys, what do you want to put with your cards that is not candy as I totally forgot that candy wasn’t allowed?”

(Now mind you, it was a MIRACLE that it was 2 days before and I had bought cards, bought candy, and knew where both were. In fact, this year I bought supplies weeks in advance. Of course, as it turned out I bought inappropriate supplies but whatever. I bought supplies that were already done, as in pre-made cards from CVS instead of cutting out hearts and making Valentine’s. This is a huge thing for me. A huge, gigantic step for Sheila-kind. I love making Valentine’s and think not one ill thought of anyone who does. But this year, I just didn’t have the time or energy to indulge my creative gene and needed to let go of my perfect ideal of Valentine’s Day cards and get ‘help’ by buying them. So I did and I was uber proud of myself.)

James, 2nd grade: “What about bouncing balls?”
Me: “Um, I don’t think so. I can’t imagine many other parents would appreciate that gesture as I know bouncy balls drive me bonkers!”

Edward, 1st grade: “Well then how about Orange Rhino balls? You know the ones I see you squeezing all the time that kind of bounce?” (Hahahaha!)
Me: “Clever solution sweetie but I don’t have enough. What about tattoos guys? You like those?”

James: “Yes, how about The Orange Rhino Tattoos’s? You know, love more, all that stuff. It’s perfect for Valentine’s Day which is about love.”
Edward: “YES! Perfect!”
Me: “Brilliant! I love it! Orange Rhino Tattoos it is. Now lets find your cards and attach them.”

So as luck would have it, somehow, I had Edward’s but James’ were totally missing, as in not in the box I put them in the night before. What the ?!?! Man, all my planning went out the window. Uber disappointment. Back up plan: go to CVS today and buy more. Well that utterly failed. So I promised myself I would go to Staples, get some envelopes for the Tattoos and make it simple. Well wouldn’t ya know. I forgot to go to Staples today so come 6:00 tonight when I realized I (1) didn’t go to Staples and (2) didn’t have Valentine’s for James to work on I panicked. Not James though. We’ll make them. Right. Because I have the supplies on hand?!

“Alright James. Lets go raid my office and see what stuff I have to make your cards that can also hold Tattoos!” And voila, this is what we found! Tags to print so no extra cutting involved: WIN! Backs with ribbons on as ties already: WIN! Instant Orange Rhino Love More Valentine’s Day cards made. And I am not gonna lie, this was the best “mistake” ever as I am in love with the fact that my boys wanted to do an Orange Rhino something-or-other for Valentine’s Day because of the symbolism! Total win! They get the put about what not yelling achieves: loving more!!! (And I am not gonna lie, I love that James sat and designed the card with me – totally something I love to do!!)

So there you have it. Not all “mess-ups” are mess-ups. Sometimes they are just opportunities to be discovered. Eh hem, like the moment you yelled and thought it was a screw up. Nah, just a chance to learn what triggered you and then plan how to fix it.

And on that note, off to bed as this Orange Rhino is tuckered out 🙂

Happy Almost Valentine’s Day

I know how cruddy it feels to classify oneself as a “parent who yells way too much” and I just don’t want you to feel that anymore because I know how great it feels to call oneself an “Orange Rhino Parent!” This is why I created all sorts of different tools to help you out on your journey to “Yell Less” like The Orange Rhino Community…The Orange Rhino store…The Orange Rhino Book, “Yell Less, Love More”…and now (drum roll please) The (new and improved) Orange Rhino Challenge App! I am super psyched about the App as it is a great complement to my book and it helps you do all the things that helped me stop yelling like…

Testing out all sorts of silly and unique ways to stay calm,
Talking positively to myself,
Tracking my progress visually,
Writing down when and why I yelled to determine my triggers,
Creating a plan for said triggers, and
Getting friends to support me in staying to said plan.

Oh, and did I mention it is free?! Yep, it is! It is only for iPhones right now but when we get enough interest and positive feedback, I will look into raising funds to create an Android version. Until then…here are some key screen shots of the App along with directions on how to best use the App.

HOME PAGE
– Daily Inspirational Quote
– Visual Goal Tracker: Set your own goal in the Goals page and select whether or not you want the graph to appear. The graph will always show your most recently achieved goal in the center (1 day included!) so that you constantly remember that you CAN indeed Yell Less because you have already done so! Also, once you successfully achieve your goal, The App will ask you if you want to go onto the next goal!
– Personal Mantra: Type in your own mantra that speaks to you and motivates you! Change it as frequently as you wish.
– Access to Settings: Three horizontal lines under the Rhino will take you to settings page where you can select daily tips, set an alarm, back date last yell.

 

 

 

     

JOURNAL
– Traditional Journal:
“Write” out all your frustrations so that you don’t let the frustration out vis-a-vis a yell. Enter as many as you wish each day. Scroll through them to identify any patterns, also known as triggers. Tap on the arrow on right to make an entry.
– Trigger Tracking Journal:
Enter all triggers as you identify them as well as a potential solution. Make sure to tap on save afterwards to save changes!

 

 

 

 

 

   

THE LATEST
– Stay in touch with my latest insights, stories, and tips by getting up-to-date posts from my Facebook page, Twitter Feed, and blog

SUPPORT
– Get in touch immediately with your support network! Add up to five names from your phone’s contact list to your support list. When you want to yell, text or call them and get instant support!
– Connect with other Orange Rhinos by heading over to The Orange Rhino Community. Ask questions on how to handle a specific trigger. Ask for extra support. Read other posts and find hope that you can yell less and peace from knowing you are not alone! Find Orange Rhinos like you going through similar struggles.

 

 

 

 

 

GOALS
 – Personalize your journey by picking the best goal for you. Make sure to select “Set Goal” to save your preferred goal.

– Determine how you want to monitor your success. Do you want just the days counter to appear or also a progress chart?
– Decide your rules for The Challenge. If you want to go a set number of days straight without yelling but you yelled, reset the counter…but don’t reset your determination or belief that you can do this!

 

 

 

 

SETTINGS
– Daily Tips: Set a specific time (say, first thing in the morning?) to receive daily tips pushed out as notifications on your phone. Make sure to select “Set Time” to save your tip time.
– Backdate Last Yell: Capture every day you haven’t yelled by updating the date your Challenge successfully started.
– Set Custom Alarm: Set an alarm to go off at tough known moments with an Orange Rhino inspirational sound and a short message of support for yourself. (Note: You will not see a list of all of your saved alarms and at this point you can not upload your own sound…maybe in the future!)

 

 

 

 

   
Please note: This screen shot of daily tips is old – you actually get tips, i.e. do pushups and not quotes! 

      

To set alarms follow these steps in this specific order! (1) Tap on the “+” (2) Tap on Random Sound, select sound, press done (3) Type in short message (4) select “Repeat Options” to select all Days the alarm should go off (5) Select time (6) Tap “done.”

So there you have it – the basic layout and functionality of The Orange Rhino Challenge App! Just like parenting, my goal here wasn’t perfection, but rather progress and I continue to progress further developing this App and others. I hope you enjoy using The App as much as I enjoy looking at the screen shots and dream of using it (eh hem, I am an Android person!) You can download the app on iTunes

Happy Downloading!

When I started The Orange Rhino Challenge in 2012, I felt excited to change yet equally (more so?) ashamed that I had to change. As such, even though I very much wanted to share about my Challenge and knew that I needed to in order to get the support I knew I needed to succeed, I still hesitated to tell people. I would get the courage to tell someone or to post a new blog entry and then BAM! I would feel a pit in my stomach. Fear would take over and either my mouth or fingers would pause as my brain started freaking out! What would be said when I shared that I promised my boys that I would go 365 days straight without yelling at them? Would I be ridiculed? Laughed at? Questioned? Lectured? Or, what would be said when I wrote about a personal experience with yelling, would my capability as a mother be examined? Would I be insulted? Humiliated even more?

But after sharing about my Challenge a handful of times, I quickly realized that my fears were unfounded. Thankfully, the judgment never really came! Sure I received an occasional questioning eye and a fake encouraging response, but for the most part, I received nothing short of positive, enthusiastic, and genuine support. This gave me the confidence to more readily share my “dark secret” and about my journey. As a result, I created an even larger group of people supporting me, keeping me accountable, and ultimately helping me to succeed as an Orange Rhino who went 520 days straight without yelling!

Could I have succeeded without having to share my “dark secret” and without having to risk feeling more ashamed than I already did? Sure. We can all do things alone. But as Betty Ford so perfectly put, and as I so wonderfully experienced, “You can make it, but it’s easier if you don’t have to do it alone.” I want your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” to be easier for you too! I want you to succeed on your own Orange Rhino Challenge so that you yell less at yourself for being a bad parent, but instead experience what I have: enjoying my life more and finally feeling better about myself as a person and as a parent. Now, I obviously can’t make your journey easier by magically making all of your triggers go away and magically making your kids listen to you the first time, but I can make it easier by guaranteeing you a loving, understanding, non-judgmental, “hands-on-I-tried-this-and-it-worked-give-it-a-try” support! Enter the “Yell Less, Love More 30-Day Challenge Book Club!” Starting January 12th, I will lead a private, online virtual book club via The Orange Rhino Challenge community (www.TheOrangeRhino.com/community). I have chosen this format because the community boards make it easy for you to:

1. Connect and communicate with others
2. Track your past entires
3. Go back to days that really inspired you – or that you want to participate in
4. Search for specific topics related to yelling (think online yelling encyclopedia)
5. Privately post questions and receive nonjudgmental advice and loving support

Every day in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” you will enjoy the above benefits and:

• Read posts by others that make you feel less alone and more hopeful
• Find other Orange Rhinos that share the same yelling challenges as you, giving you more personalized information/stories to help you on your journey
• Build the necessary support network to succeed at learning to yell less – a support network that will continue after the Challenge is over
• And much more I am sure!

Every day in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” I will:

• Share additional thoughts to support that day’s theme
• Encourage connection (which really will help you succeed and not quit!) by posting discussion points
• Respond to as many of you as I can, either on the board or privately via email
• Post bonus inspirational quotes (time pending!)

How can you join? As all book clubs go, I will lead the days’ discussions based on the content in the book. So, understandably, you need the book to participate! My sincere hope is that the combination of the book content and the enhanced support and conversation on the community will truly help make your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” both easier and enjoyable! Ready to start your journey?

• Email me your proof of purchase (pre-order or regular order, picture of book, receipt, online confirmation) at YellLessLoveMore@gmail.com. If you remember, title the email Book Club so I can easily find it! If you don’t have the book yet, you can order it at any site listed here: www.TheOrangeRhino.com/the-book
• E-BOOKS count!!
• I will reply with a temporary code for you to use to login into the Private Community (it might take a day or two!) You will then create your own password and change your login name if you wish. Every day, at least once, I will add a new post to the Community. Check in throughout the day for my posts as well as comments from others!
• The club will officially start January 12th and end on….February 14th, Valentine’s Day, the day of love!  Yes, this was totally planned! To allow people to catch up throughout the challenge, but also keep people focused, I will not post every day.
• IF you did the last Book Club, then you do not need to send proof of purchase, just an email so that I can add you to the new forum (you will still have access to the old ones.)
• You can start reading the book now if you want – or wait to read with us so you are at the same spot as others. If it were me, I would read the Introduction and then just flip through the rest to get a feel for the layout of the book and some of the questions.

I am really excited to do another online 30-Day Challenge as the past ones and the last book club brought people together, spread hope, and created change. Get ready to “Yell Less, Love More!” Note: If you have already participated in one of my 30-Day Challenges, this will be different as the content and approach in the book are different. And well, now I actually have a real book where you can easily keep track of actions, take notes, and get printouts without having to print them out!