Quick New Year’s Pep Talk!

Posted on January 1, 2020 by The Orange Rhino

Happy New Year Orange Rhinos! My four stayed up until midnight for the first time ever, well and I did for the first time in years, so yeah…today is going to be a LOOOOOONG day 🙂 To boot, we did Just Dance all night and I am out of shape so my whole body hurts and my feet are killing me BUT we had a fabulous time so it was worth it. (Check in with me in a couple of hours when I need a nap and they are fighting.)

Anywho, as we all go about this New Years Day, I know that many, many set a New Years Resolution to Yell Less and Love More. I want to remind you that every day, every hour is a chance to Yell Less and Love More. You do not need to set a goal for the entire year nor do you need to start today just because it is New Years. Start at any point when you feel ready and can dedicate yourself (as much as one can) and choose a goal that is inspiring to you but not intimidating.

If 1 week intimates you, go for 1 day.
If 1 day intimidates you, go for 1 moment.
If 1 moment intimidates you, go for simply tracking when you yell so you can learn more and create a road map to yell less.
If tracking intimidates you, go for thinking about starting the journey.

Whatever you do, know that you are already a great parent.

And whenever you do yell, know that that moment doesn’t define you. Be kind and forgiving to yourself so that you keep trying. Tell yourself that while you might have yelled, it gave you the opportunity to teach your children how to forgive, how to plan how to do better next time, and how to move forward together.

On that note, best of luck to every tired parent today 🙂

6 Tips to Happier Siblings and Therefore a Happier Me!

Posted on August 20, 2015 by The Orange Rhino

It’s funny how life can work out.

On April 29^th I received a new book in the mail from a colleague.
On May 2^nd I tore my ACL.
And on May 3^rd the fighting between my boys intensified greatly.

Understandably, though, right? I mean, here I was, stuck on a couch, unable to play with my kids, hardly able to hold a conversation, and completely unable to crawl into bed and give good night snuggles. Not only were my boys already on edge with everyone as a result of witnessing my accident, but now they were also desperate for my attention of which I had so little to give. So, they started fighting with each other even more than before which is to say, their fighting went from slightly intolerable to majorly intolerable and oh my gosh did it make me want to SCREAM!!!

Luckily, the book I had received was Dr. Laura Markham’s new book, “Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life.” I mean, talk about perfect, timing! Every second I had enough energy, I read Dr. Laura’s book for I simply could not put it down. All of the non-preachy insights and ideas that just made good, logical sense that I knew I could remember and implement had me hooked!

I would love to share with you all that I took away from the book because I know that fighting siblings is a wonderful trigger for yelling. Gosh, between the extra noise, the lack of peace, the frustration around, “why can’t we just get along and have a fun family time,” the physical outbursts at each other, and the competition, it all leaves me wanting to yell! Am I right?!

That said, I underlined and highlighted so much in the book that if I shared all of my takeaways I would just be re-writing the book J So alas, here is my main takeaway and then a few other takeaways that have been game changers for me in how I approach my boys when they are fighting and how I approach parenting in general.

My Main Aha: Kids need coaching on how to problem solve when they are fighting, not just to “work it out” by themselves.

You all know I am a fan of the concept that discipline means to teach and that my role as a mom is to teach my kids. Before this book, though, for the most part I followed the “work it out” themselves approach. Sure when things were huge I stepped in, but for the most part I let them figure things out. This worked sometimes (think small issues) but for the most part, one kid just ended up frustrated and either walked away screaming at the other or came running to me crying. Which when I think back, makes total sense! Kids aren’t born knowing how to compromise, how to listen to each other, how to make “I” statements, or how to “fight fairly and productively.” How can I expect them to “work it out” themselves when I haven’t really, truly taught them the tools to do so in the first place? I mean sure, here and there I share a lesson, but the lesson really needs to be right then and there during the fight so it can be put to use. I need to coach them. I need to teach them to problem solve on their own. Which is exactly what I focus on now – teaching them to problem solve. Teaching them this skill is so much more than about reducing sibling fighting by the way; it’s about giving them a life skill that is so ridiculously important, on so many levels. So focus on teaching them problem solve I have. And the results have been mind blowing.

About one week into my injury, the boys were out fighting in the back yard over who could use the red toy (because obviously the blue one at their feet was inferior. Duh.) I gave it a few seconds to see if they could figure it out and when I realized things were about to escalate, I stepped in and used Dr. Laura’s tips.

“Uh-oh! It seems we have a problem. But we can solve this. Let’s see. Why don’t you each tell me what you think the problem is…without using your brother’s name. Andrew, you go first….Okay, James, your turn….This is like Scooby Doo guys! It’s a mystery as to what the solution is. Let’s problem solve; what can we do here?”

Side note: the amount of times I bring cartoons into my parenting sometimes scares me, but it does make relating easier! Moving forward.

I followed Dr. Laura’s suggestions for how to continue the rest of the conversation. Within minutes, NO JOKE, and without raised voices or tantrums, the boys ON THEIR OWN came up with a solution. Before I could even say “good job!” they had run off playing TOGETHER. Laughing. Happily. Like I said, Happy Siblings = Happy Mom. I then SAT in a chair UNINTERRUPTED!!! for 20 minutes watching them play. It was a miracle. It was beautiful.

Coaching my kids through a fight instead of letting them work it out on their own was the biggest take away for me from the book and it has continued to be a useful insight/tool/life saver. Just the other day two of my boys were walking together, holding hands, whispering to each other and evidently making a plan. They had been fighting minutes before but with the mere prompt of, “Looks like we have a problem,” they figured it out. Again, lifesaver!

Here are 5 other inspiring tips that have made this summer a wee bit more peaceful. (Note: these are my interpretations of her points; I might interpret somewhat wrong so apologies Dr. Laura if I do. Regardless, you inspired me to think and act better so thank you!)

Use “And” instead of “But”
The word but sends the message that whatever you just heard and acknowledged, well doesn’t really matter. “I know you are angry BUT we don’t hit.” It’s okay to be angry. That shouldn’t be dismissed. So instead I try to say things like, “I know you are angry AND we don’t hit.”
Focus on “Taking Turns” instead of “Sharing”
Taking turns on the child’s initiative (outlined in book) promotes generosity from with-in which is a great life skill as opposed to forcing sharing which doesn’t do so as much.
Beware of Unintentionally Fostering Competition between Siblings
The simple and personally frequent statement of, “Stop picking on your brother!” automatically pits them against each other as opposed to: “In this house we use kind words.”
Use the Past to Find the Positive
I am a firm believer in catching my kids being good as a really useful parenting tool. That said, this summer it has been HARD, hard, hard with one of my kiddos. Dr. Laura’s advice? If you can’t find something positive now, use an example from the past. Duh! So simple, so effective.
Keep Kids from Ganging up on Each Other
This is a huge one in our family L which saddens me to no end. I so often say, “You and you, don’t exclude him” which puts the “offenders” on defensive (we aren’t!) which means the chances of behavior changing are slim to none! Using the Socratic method of asking questions instead of accusing works better. “We aren’t leaving anyone out, are we?”

“Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” truly empowered me to get the sibling fighting in my home to a better place and I do feel that we have made major strides in that department…with room to improve, of course! But seriously, with less fighting and shorter fights, there is a lot more happiness in this house and for that I am way grateful. It’s been a hard summer as is and I can’t imagine how it would have been if the fighting was where it was 3 months ago! Yuck. So thank you Dr. Laura for sharing your book with me and for making my life a wee bit saner!

2 Lessons About Yelling the Maine Diner Debacle Can Teach Us

Posted on July 22, 2015 by The Orange Rhino

Today I read the now viral article about how the owner of a diner in Maine yelled at a customer, a customer who happened to be a two-year-old child. Supposedly, the child was carrying on and on and the owner had enough so she screamed at the child to knock it off. Understandably so, this popular story has elicited a lot of responses about who was right and who was wrong. And while I would love to share my opinion on that matter, instead I am going to focus on one line from the article that reminded me of one of the many important lessons I learned when I stopped (and started and stopped) yelling at my kids.

The last line of the article reads, “I wouldn’t say I was sorry (for yelling,) because it stopped. When things stop, it’s usually a good thing.”

The owner isn’t alone in her thinking that the yelling worked so it’s a good approach. In my four years as The Orange Rhino, a parent determined to respond to triggers warmly and without yelling, just about every single parent I have communicated with has shared the same sentiment. “But yelling works. It stops the behavior that I want to stop.”

I get this sentiment. Oh how I get this sentiment. Trust me!

I have thought that “oh, well yelling works” more times than I can count! I have wanted to buy into this thought as a supporting theory for why it is okay to yell at my kids oh so many times! Yes, when all else fails and my constructive attempts to get my kids to clean up, to stop hitting each other, to go to bed, or to do whatever haven’t worked, yelling has “saved the day” and “worked.” When I used to get loud and mean enough, I eventually either scared my children or hurt their feelings enough so that they stopped dead in their tracks causing the annoying behavior to stop as well.

But does that mean the yelling really worked? That it was a good thing?
I am going to argue no.

Yes, on the surface level the yelling worked. When I yelled, I achieved a short-term goal of getting a said behavior to stop. But let me be honest; that really isn’t my main goal when I think of getting a behavior to stop. One of my main goals as a parent is to teach my children so that their good behavior continues and their “bad” behavior disappears not just for a moment but mostly forever. I don’t want to just stop it once; I want to stop it for (again, mostly!) always. But I cannot teach effectively and change behavior if I am yelling. To teach effectively I need to speak clearly and my kids need to be in a good enough place to receive my words. Yelling successfully achieves neither of those necessities!

To teach effectively I need to speak clearly and my kids need to be in a good enough place to receive my words. Yelling successfully achieves neither of those necessities!

There ain’t no doubt about it, but when I am yelling, there is nothing clear about my communications (well, except that I’m pissed.) I’m yelling so loud and fast, and my heartbeat is racing so much that my words come out as a jumbled incomprehensible mess, completely destroying my communication efforts. Even if my kids were in the best listening place possible, when I yell I am not giving them anything coherent to take in so no, no my yelling isn’t teaching what I want to teach effectively, so no it isn’t “working.”

But what does put kids in a good listening place anyways, you ask? What puts them in a place where they won’t tune me out and will want to (kind of) listen? In my experience, my kids listen best when they feel calm, safe, and undistracted. Does yelling do that? Um, nope, not really. My boys can’t focus when I yell. I can see it in their eyes that are looking anywhere but one spot. I can see all the distracting thoughts bouncing around, “When will she stop?” “I hate her when she yells.” “I’m gonna tell daddy.” “I don’t care. Whatever mom.” They don’t focus on my words; they focus on their own thoughts and potentially own response, “You’re the meanest mommy ever,” being one of the all time favorites!

I also learned that my kids listen best when I speak in a tone that doesn’t hurt their ears or scare their minds; when I use a tone that invites them in and encourages them to listen. Does yelling do any of those things? Again, um, nope, not really. I mean gosh, whenever I have been yelled at, whether as a child or adult, my response has basically been piss off! Yelling doesn’t motivate me to change, it motivates me to do anything but change! It motivates me to tune out the messenger…fast! And it motivates me to be stubborn and difficult, which by the way, I am wicked good at and which double by the way is a trait my children inherited. So no, yelling doesn’t work for me – it actually works against me!

You know, I often think of the Peanuts cartoons when I think of what actually happens when I yell at my kids. I think of how in the cartoons the kids only hear, “Wah, wah, wah!” That’s like my kids when I am yelling!! Yes, they hear the yelling, they get the message I’m pissed, but because my yelling pushed them to tune me out, they don’t get the rest of the message, the lesson that I am really, really, really trying to share. They don’t hear, “STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER NOW IT’S NOT NICE.” Instead, if I am lucky, all they hear is, “stop hitting, wah wah, wah, wah!”

Is it great they get the message stop hitting?! Heck yeah! But I’ve learned that if at the same time – the time when the behavior I want to change is happening – they don’t also get the message that it isn’t nice, that hitting isn’t how we treat people, etc… it’s hard for them to make the connection between the bad behavior and the lesson. It’s hard for them to internalize the lesson and therefore make the right decision the next time.

So again, yelling doesn’t work as “intended” to, which is to say, it doesn’t stop behavior for the long haul. Yelling simply doesn’t open doors for communication and learning, but rather, it closes them.

Okay, except maybe in one situation. We all know my book is titled “Yell Less, Love More.” That’s because yells will happen. In those yelling moments we might not teach and we might close doors to learning but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be re-opened. They can be…immediately after the yell. Then is the best time to teach an entirely different, unintended lesson: mistakes happen and when they do, we need to apologize.

(Maybe I did share my opinion after all, eh?! And no, that was not intended!)

* * * * *

Want to Yell Less and Love More and learn more of some of the lessons that helped me stop yelling at my kids? Check out my book, which is part memoir, part journal, part physical reminder to not yell! It is available here. It is a 30-Day Guide to help you on your own journey to discover your yelling triggers and and to create a plan to manage them. Filled with honest stories to inspire you and remind you that you are not alone in your struggle with yelling, “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids–and How You Can Too!” also shares 100 of my favorite alternatives to yelling and my favorite tools.

The Orange Rhino Has Touched My Sons’ Hearts

Posted on February 12, 2015 by The Orange Rhino

Seeing as Saturday is Valentine’s Day and all, I thought I would hop on and share these two adorable stories from the last 24 hours.

First, this morning my 5 year old had to take his last dose of nasty medicine for his lung/chest/whatever you want to call it infection. The deal is he gets a cookie if he does so without spitting it out. Nope, I am so not over bribing when medicine is involved 🙂 Anywho, he picked a chocolate chip cookie with M&M’s in it. He took his medicine like a champ, then chomped away on his prized cookie, also like a champ. As I frantically tried to pack 3 lunches and became lost in the “blech it is so late are we gonna make it on time” madness that school morning’s bring, this sweet little boy wandered back over to me.

“Here mommy. I saved the last bite of the cookie for you because it has an orange M&M. You know, Orange Rhino.”

Heart. Melt. Love this kiddo! (And let’s be honest, I equally loved having a cookie at seven in the morning!)

Now lets go back another 12 or so hours to two nights before my older sons’ school Valentine’s Day parties. The following conversation ensued:

Me: “So boys, what do you want to put with your cards that is not candy as I totally forgot that candy wasn’t allowed?”

(Now mind you, it was a MIRACLE that it was 2 days before and I had bought cards, bought candy, and knew where both were. In fact, this year I bought supplies weeks in advance. Of course, as it turned out I bought inappropriate supplies but whatever. I bought supplies that were already done, as in pre-made cards from CVS instead of cutting out hearts and making Valentine’s. This is a huge thing for me. A huge, gigantic step for Sheila-kind. I love making Valentine’s and think not one ill thought of anyone who does. But this year, I just didn’t have the time or energy to indulge my creative gene and needed to let go of my perfect ideal of Valentine’s Day cards and get ‘help’ by buying them. So I did and I was uber proud of myself.)

James, 2nd grade: “What about bouncing balls?”
Me: “Um, I don’t think so. I can’t imagine many other parents would appreciate that gesture as I know bouncy balls drive me bonkers!”

Edward, 1st grade: “Well then how about Orange Rhino balls? You know the ones I see you squeezing all the time that kind of bounce?” (Hahahaha!)
Me: “Clever solution sweetie but I don’t have enough. What about tattoos guys? You like those?”

James: “Yes, how about The Orange Rhino Tattoos’s? You know, love more, all that stuff. It’s perfect for Valentine’s Day which is about love.”
Edward: “YES! Perfect!”
Me: “Brilliant! I love it! Orange Rhino Tattoos it is. Now lets find your cards and attach them.”

So as luck would have it, somehow, I had Edward’s but James’ were totally missing, as in not in the box I put them in the night before. What the ?!?! Man, all my planning went out the window. Uber disappointment. Back up plan: go to CVS today and buy more. Well that utterly failed. So I promised myself I would go to Staples, get some envelopes for the Tattoos and make it simple. Well wouldn’t ya know. I forgot to go to Staples today so come 6:00 tonight when I realized I (1) didn’t go to Staples and (2) didn’t have Valentine’s for James to work on I panicked. Not James though. We’ll make them. Right. Because I have the supplies on hand?!

“Alright James. Lets go raid my office and see what stuff I have to make your cards that can also hold Tattoos!” And voila, this is what we found! Tags to print so no extra cutting involved: WIN! Backs with ribbons on as ties already: WIN! Instant Orange Rhino Love More Valentine’s Day cards made. And I am not gonna lie, this was the best “mistake” ever as I am in love with the fact that my boys wanted to do an Orange Rhino something-or-other for Valentine’s Day because of the symbolism! Total win! They get the put about what not yelling achieves: loving more!!! (And I am not gonna lie, I love that James sat and designed the card with me – totally something I love to do!!)

So there you have it. Not all “mess-ups” are mess-ups. Sometimes they are just opportunities to be discovered. Eh hem, like the moment you yelled and thought it was a screw up. Nah, just a chance to learn what triggered you and then plan how to fix it.

And on that note, off to bed as this Orange Rhino is tuckered out 🙂

Happy Almost Valentine’s Day

The Orange Rhino Challenge App!

Posted on January 26, 2015 by The Orange Rhino

I know how cruddy it feels to classify oneself as a “parent who yells way too much” and I just don’t want you to feel that anymore because I know how great it feels to call oneself an “Orange Rhino Parent!” This is why I created all sorts of different tools to help you out on your journey to “Yell Less” like The Orange Rhino Community…The Orange Rhino store…The Orange Rhino Book, “Yell Less, Love More”…and now (drum roll please) The (new and improved) Orange Rhino Challenge App! I am super psyched about the App as it is a great complement to my book and it helps you do all the things that helped me stop yelling like…

Testing out all sorts of silly and unique ways to stay calm,
Talking positively to myself,
Tracking my progress visually,
Writing down when and why I yelled to determine my triggers,
Creating a plan for said triggers, and
Getting friends to support me in staying to said plan.

Oh, and did I mention it is free?! Yep, it is! It is only for iPhones right now but when we get enough interest and positive feedback, I will look into raising funds to create an Android version. Until then…here are some key screen shots of the App along with directions on how to best use the App.

HOME PAGE
– Daily Inspirational Quote
– Visual Goal Tracker: Set your own goal in the Goals page and select whether or not you want the graph to appear. The graph will always show your most recently achieved goal in the center (1 day included!) so that you constantly remember that you CAN indeed Yell Less because you have already done so! Also, once you successfully achieve your goal, The App will ask you if you want to go onto the next goal!
– Personal Mantra: Type in your own mantra that speaks to you and motivates you! Change it as frequently as you wish.
– Access to Settings: Three horizontal lines under the Rhino will take you to settings page where you can select daily tips, set an alarm, back date last yell.

JOURNAL
– Traditional Journal:
“Write” out all your frustrations so that you don’t let the frustration out vis-a-vis a yell. Enter as many as you wish each day. Scroll through them to identify any patterns, also known as triggers. Tap on the arrow on right to make an entry.
– Trigger Tracking Journal:
Enter all triggers as you identify them as well as a potential solution. Make sure to tap on save afterwards to save changes!

THE LATEST
– Stay in touch with my latest insights, stories, and tips by getting up-to-date posts from my Facebook page, Twitter Feed, and blog

SUPPORT
– Get in touch immediately with your support network! Add up to five names from your phone’s contact list to your support list. When you want to yell, text or call them and get instant support!
– Connect with other Orange Rhinos by heading over to The Orange Rhino Community. Ask questions on how to handle a specific trigger. Ask for extra support. Read other posts and find hope that you can yell less and peace from knowing you are not alone! Find Orange Rhinos like you going through similar struggles.

GOALS
– Personalize your journey by picking the best goal for you. Make sure to select “Set Goal” to save your preferred goal.

– Determine how you want to monitor your success. Do you want just the days counter to appear or also a progress chart?
– Decide your rules for The Challenge. If you want to go a set number of days straight without yelling but you yelled, reset the counter…but don’t reset your determination or belief that you can do this!

SETTINGS
– Daily Tips: Set a specific time (say, first thing in the morning?) to receive daily tips pushed out as notifications on your phone. Make sure to select “Set Time” to save your tip time.
– Backdate Last Yell: Capture every day you haven’t yelled by updating the date your Challenge successfully started.
– Set Custom Alarm: Set an alarm to go off at tough known moments with an Orange Rhino inspirational sound and a short message of support for yourself. (Note: You will not see a list of all of your saved alarms and at this point you can not upload your own sound…maybe in the future!)

Please note: This screen shot of daily tips is old – you actually get tips, i.e. do pushups and not quotes!

To set alarms follow these steps in this specific order! (1) Tap on the “+” (2) Tap on Random Sound, select sound, press done (3) Type in short message (4) select “Repeat Options” to select all Days the alarm should go off (5) Select time (6) Tap “done.”

So there you have it – the basic layout and functionality of The Orange Rhino Challenge App! Just like parenting, my goal here wasn’t perfection, but rather progress and I continue to progress further developing this App and others. I hope you enjoy using The App as much as I enjoy looking at the screen shots and dream of using it (eh hem, I am an Android person!) You can download the app on iTunes

Happy Downloading!

“Yell Less, Love More” 30-Day Challenge Book Club Starts January 12th!

Posted on January 6, 2015 by The Orange Rhino

When I started The Orange Rhino Challenge in 2012, I felt excited to change yet equally (more so?) ashamed that I had to change. As such, even though I very much wanted to share about my Challenge and knew that I needed to in order to get the support I knew I needed to succeed, I still hesitated to tell people. I would get the courage to tell someone or to post a new blog entry and then BAM! I would feel a pit in my stomach. Fear would take over and either my mouth or fingers would pause as my brain started freaking out! What would be said when I shared that I promised my boys that I would go 365 days straight without yelling at them? Would I be ridiculed? Laughed at? Questioned? Lectured? Or, what would be said when I wrote about a personal experience with yelling, would my capability as a mother be examined? Would I be insulted? Humiliated even more?

But after sharing about my Challenge a handful of times, I quickly realized that my fears were unfounded. Thankfully, the judgment never really came! Sure I received an occasional questioning eye and a fake encouraging response, but for the most part, I received nothing short of positive, enthusiastic, and genuine support. This gave me the confidence to more readily share my “dark secret” and about my journey. As a result, I created an even larger group of people supporting me, keeping me accountable, and ultimately helping me to succeed as an Orange Rhino who went 520 days straight without yelling!

Could I have succeeded without having to share my “dark secret” and without having to risk feeling more ashamed than I already did? Sure. We can all do things alone. But as Betty Ford so perfectly put, and as I so wonderfully experienced, “You can make it, but it’s easier if you don’t have to do it alone.” I want your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” to be easier for you too! I want you to succeed on your own Orange Rhino Challenge so that you yell less at yourself for being a bad parent, but instead experience what I have: enjoying my life more and finally feeling better about myself as a person and as a parent. Now, I obviously can’t make your journey easier by magically making all of your triggers go away and magically making your kids listen to you the first time, but I can make it easier by guaranteeing you a loving, understanding, non-judgmental, “hands-on-I-tried-this-and-it-worked-give-it-a-try” support! Enter the “Yell Less, Love More 30-Day Challenge Book Club!” Starting January 12th, I will lead a private, online virtual book club via The Orange Rhino Challenge community (www.TheOrangeRhino.com/community). I have chosen this format because the community boards make it easy for you to:

Connect and communicate with others
Track your past entires
Go back to days that really inspired you – or that you want to participate in
Search for specific topics related to yelling (think online yelling encyclopedia)
Privately post questions and receive nonjudgmental advice and loving support

Every day in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” you will enjoy the above benefits and:

Read posts by others that make you feel less alone and more hopeful
Find other Orange Rhinos that share the same yelling challenges as you, giving you more personalized information/stories to help you on your journey
Build the necessary support network to succeed at learning to yell less – a support network that will continue after the Challenge is over
And much more I am sure!

Every day in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” I will:

Share additional thoughts to support that day’s theme
Encourage connection (which really will help you succeed and not quit!) by posting discussion points
Respond to as many of you as I can, either on the board or privately via email
Post bonus inspirational quotes (time pending!)

How can you join? As all book clubs go, I will lead the days’ discussions based on the content in the book. So, understandably, you need the book to participate! My sincere hope is that the combination of the book content and the enhanced support and conversation on the community will truly help make your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” both easier and enjoyable! Ready to start your journey?

Email me your proof of purchase (pre-order or regular order, picture of book, receipt, online confirmation) at YellLessLoveMore@gmail.com. If you remember, title the email Book Club so I can easily find it! If you don’t have the book yet, you can order it at any site listed here: www.TheOrangeRhino.com/the-book
E-BOOKS count!!
I will reply with a temporary code for you to use to login into the Private Community (it might take a day or two!) You will then create your own password and change your login name if you wish. Every day, at least once, I will add a new post to the Community. Check in throughout the day for my posts as well as comments from others!
The club will officially start January 12th and end on….February 14th, Valentine’s Day, the day of love! Yes, this was totally planned! To allow people to catch up throughout the challenge, but also keep people focused, I will not post every day.
IF you did the last Book Club, then you do not need to send proof of purchase, just an email so that I can add you to the new forum (you will still have access to the old ones.)
You can start reading the book now if you want – or wait to read with us so you are at the same spot as others. If it were me, I would read the Introduction and then just flip through the rest to get a feel for the layout of the book and some of the questions.

I am really excited to do another online 30-Day Challenge as the past ones and the last book club brought people together, spread hope, and created change. Get ready to “Yell Less, Love More!” Note: If you have already participated in one of my 30-Day Challenges, this will be different as the content and approach in the book are different. And well, now I actually have a real book where you can easily keep track of actions, take notes, and get printouts without having to print them out!

Yell Less by Saying “No” More

Posted on December 16, 2014 by The Orange Rhino

I wrote this article for Empowering Parents earlier this fall when I felt a huge desire to say “yes” to every volunteer opportunity that came my way. I have learned from my journey to Yell Less and Love More though that saying “no” really is okay and a great way to say “yes” to a more calm me and household! I share this today because the idea totally applies to the Holiday Season and the inevitable pull to do perhaps more than one needs to or should! Enjoy…

10703595_10152767635452177_5860047255170585397_n-2 Read here: Yell Less by Saying No More

The 411 to “Yell Less and Love More”

Posted on November 12, 2014 by The Orange Rhino

Many thanks to The 411Mommas in my area for the invite to their NYC Meetup event this weekend. I am so disappointed to miss it!!! Since they will be chatting about Video Blogs I thought I would create one just for them in my absence. This is for you ladies!

411Mommas Video Blog by The Orange Rhino

“Yell Less, Love More” A Non-Judgemental, Loving, Motivational and Humorous Parenting Book

Posted on November 1, 2014 by The Orange Rhino

Thank you to everyone who has read my book and shared such touching and glowing reviews. It means the world to me! If you would like to get your own copy of the book so you can share your review, you can order it anywhere online. Top places are listed here: www.TheOrangeRhino.com/the-book

Source: Hands Free Mama

“Yell Less, Love More yanks the cover of shame off yelling in a way that I have never experienced before. Through powerfully honest anecdotes from her personal journey, Sheila McCraith empowers, inspires, and heals the person holding this book. With every turn of the page, you are reminded that you are not alone, and there is hope. Yell Less, Love More will help you choose a more peaceful response in times of stress and overwhelm, but it doesn’t end there. This book will enhance every aspect of your life by enriching your relationships, your health, and your happiness. This book is a life-changing gift.”
– Rachel Macy Stafford
New York Times Best-selling Author of Hands Free Mama

Source: AHA! Parenting

“If you want to stop yelling at your kids, this is the book for you. There’s a reason parents flock to read the Orange Rhino online – she helps us feel better about ourselves as parents when we blow it entirely – and who doesn’t, sometimes? She inspires us to dig deep and try again. But as delightful as this book is to read, it isn’t just a feel-good book. It’s a full-blown program to stop yelling, complete with day-by-day action steps, revelations, and original, powerful tips. Yelling is a hard habit to break, and we have to work on ourselves as well as change how we interact with our children. As you follow this program, you’ll be able to feel your brain rewiring. And in a few months, you’ll look back and realize you can’t remember the last time you yelled. Well-organized, motivational, funny, supportive, and EFFECTIVE!”
– Dr. Laura Markham, www.ahaparenting.com

“In it, she makes some pretty dark confessions (like that she once dented her wall in a sippy-cup-throwing rage), and by 20 pages in, you trust her completely. She is you. She is a loving yet flawed, passionate yet frustrated, authentic yet human mother who’s trying as hard as she can to show grace to her children, even on the days when she really just wants to scream in their face. By the end of the book, her brave confessions about real-life mommyhood, paired with her accessible, no-yell application points at the end of each chapter, accumulate to make you feel that it’s possible for you to get through the next hour without yelling at your kids. And then, who knows, maybe the whole day, week, month and year.”
– Janie from www.SheJustGlows.com

“Sheila from Orange Rhino has a fabulous way of helping readers feel safe and capable of reaching their goal of not yelling. She invites you into her story, gently takes you by the hand and shows you the way to overcome your compulsive outbursts. She doesn’t scold you or demand that you change overnight. Rather, she explains she is right there with you experiencing victories and setbacks. Her stories share the new found joys that come from a life without the yelling. Her determination to get up again and again helps you realize you are not alone in your struggle against yelling.”
– Andy from www.TRUparenting.net

“This book is a lifeline to regain hold of your sanity and help you stop yelling at your children. With Sheila’s practical and doable ideas you can uncover the calm and caring parent you always hoped you’d be. She doesn’t make you feel guilty; she empowers you and shows you how anyone can start from today and truly Yell Less and Love More.”
– Alissa Marquess, founder/editor of CreativeWithKids.com

“Yell Less, Love More is a quick-witted and lighthearted read written by a mom who has been there and isn’t afraid to bare all, from her fist-pumping wins to her most embarrassing lows. Sheila doesn’t sugarcoat or finger-wag, she walks with you. I finished the book with an overwhelming feeling that I can do this; I can yell less and show my kids that love is what I have for them. This book is how we’re all going to get there – sanity, humor, and heart all intact.”
– Galit Breen, blogger, writer, mama of three, and converted yeller

“I loved every word of this book. Sheila’s advice is honest, humorous, and most important, effective! As a clinical social worker and a mother of two young daughters, I highly recommend Yell Less, Love Moreboth personally and professionally.”
– Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of Parenting in the Present Moment

“Unlike how I feel reading most other parenting books, Yell Less, Love More felt like spending time with a friend who is both compassionate and courageous.”
– Dr. Jessica from www.HonestParenthood.com

“You’ll find yourself in these pages. The honesty and self-revelations that Sheila shares are genuine and authentic. She’s very brave to be so honest and she encourages you to find that strength in yourself. For me, The Orange Rhino Challenge…is like that non-judgmental friend who always says the right thing at the right time. It was so helpful for me on this journey.”
– Anna from www.TodaysMama.com

“More than once, a poignant story she shared brought me to tears. She mixes a touch of comedy with her endearing realness in describing her journey as the original Orange Rhino. Her story never comes across as pompous or superior, just another mom in the trenches, struggling to make it through the day. Or just breakfast.”
– Suzanne, Orange Rhino

“If you struggle like I do and are looking for a book to bring more peace into your home and your life, and to help you tackle the “yelling monster”, you have to get this book! It is one of the best books on parenting I have ever read.”
– Jillian from www.HiItsJilly.com

“It is like talking to Sheila in person. Like sharing those down and dirty parenting secrets with your best friend. Those secrets you would never share at book club or bible study because they make you feel that embarrassed! In Sheila’s book, Yell Less Love More, you get to take that journey with her in a safe no guilt place! This isn’t about making ourselves feel bad about what we have done, it’s about discovering ourselves and learning a new way to walk through our days with our kids, our spouses and ourselves! It is brilliant!”
– Joanne, Orange Rhino

“There are only positives to this book. It is set up as daily chapters of 3-4 pages each. This is great for the busy, tired parent who doesn’t have a lot of time to devote to reading each day. The daily tasks don’t take a lot of time, but are so very insightful.”
– Island Mama, Orange Rhino

“With wisdom and humor, Sheila quickly becomes an encouraging friend and mentor who gently teaches you how to manage your frustrations while building your self-confidence. You’ll have fun reading this ultimate self-help book and will find yourself turning to it for love, support, and guidance when you fear you may be losing ground.”
– Laura Deutsch, co-founder of Mommybites (mommybites.com)

“An inspiring and realistic program for the busy parent who wants to ‘Yell Less, Love More.”
– Melissa, Orange Rhino

“She shares honest moments from her failures to stop yelling, making me feel like I’m not alone in occasionally having a mommy meltdown.”
– Shell from www.ThingsICan’tSay.com

“Sheila isn’t a parenting ‘expert’ any more than the next mom. Yes, she has 4 boys, which alone makes her highly qualified to write on the topic. But she doesn’t write as an expert and the book never seems ‘judgey.’ It’s real.”
– Amy from www.UmbrellaTreeCafe.com

“Yell Less, Love More” is loaded with so many tips and ideas that can be adapted to fit any family.”
– Carrie, a fellow Orange Rhino

“The Orange Rhino’s (a.k.a. Sheila McCraith’s) parenting guide and memoir, Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!, shares more touching personal stories from her journey to stop yelling as well as manageable actions, practical tips, and genuine, loving support so that you too can succeed on your own journey to yell less.”

– Huffington Post

“An absolute MUST read for all parents. Sheila’s friendly, honest voice is like a dear friend helping you through and cheering you on!”

– Melissa Kaye, co-founder of Mommy Business (mommybusiness.net)

“What a blessing! Her story of her ‘need to change’ moment is one that was easy to relate to in that ‘I’ve been right there’ kinda way.”
– Kelly of www.AMothersDesign.com

Learning to “Yell Less, Love More”

Posted on October 25, 2014 by The Orange Rhino

This post is the last in the “Yell Less, Love More” Blog Book Tour. I have been touched (and humbled) by every single story shared by the 23+ Orange Rhinos who participated. Thank you to all of them and thank you to you all for reading and supporting the writers. They each bravely share a very personal story and you all made them feel safe and not judgement. This last post needs it especially. Please give your love to “Island Mama,” a single mom to two beautiful children.

Who am I? How did I become this angry, yelling idiot? I grew up in a home where we were called “honey bunch” and “sweetie pie”. I don’t ever remember being yelled at as a young girl. I was spanked on the very rare occasion, but not yelled at. My childhood home memories are of nothing but love and happiness.

I have always wanted to be a mother. So much so, that I said that I would have children by myself if I wasn’t married by 30. I always imagined myself in a loving marriage. I would have a husband who was a loving and fully engaged father, just as my own father has always been. I didn’t know any different… So much for that plan! I ended up in a crappy marriage with a man who was disengaged as a husband and a father. A man who expected our son to listen to me at all times and who would get angry with ME when our beautiful, innocent son didn’t obey me (when he was 1-2 years old, may I add). I’m pretty sure I started yelling at my son as an anxiety reaction. I would get so worked up thinking about his dad’s angry reaction towards me for his disobedience. When he wouldn’t listen, it was like I went into full-out fight or flight mode. And I would yell….

Things only got worse when we moved very far away from any type of family support network. I was alone with my son 10 out of every 14 days with no friends and no family. Let’s just say the yelling became engrained in our household fabric. I was such a silly woman… I felt so much emptiness inside, so what did I do? I got pregnant with baby #2. He walked out 11 weeks into the pregnancy. My son and I then moved home to be near family and my support network.

Here I am 5 years later. My kids’ dad and I are now divorced and live on opposite sides of Canada, which leaves me as a completely single mother with little time to myself. I haven’t been in a real relationship since the separation. I have dated a bit, but have never involved the kids. I’m not looking for sympathy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s really bloody hard doing this job on your own! I’m sure many of you reading this know exactly what I mean when I say that…. Unfortunately, I’m still yelling at my son. The weird part? I rarely yell at my now 4 year old daughter… He’s 8 and this fact does not slip past him. He sees that I’m different with her. Part of me feels as though I can’t help it… which I know not to be true. I’ve known for a long time that I need to change. Then I found The Orange Rhino. This amazingly brave woman who bares her soul to us is my inspiration every day. In her story, I know that I, too, can stop yelling!

I started following The Orange Rhino’s story in early 2013. I stumbled upon her Facebook page and felt an instant connection to her. I signed up for a 30 day challenge via email in June of that year, but failed to complete the 30 days. My children went to their father’s for the summer, and I gave up on the challenge. I have continued to follow her blog via Facebook for the last 15 months. When the call for emails to have a chance to review the book Yell Less, Love More: How the Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too! came up, I jumped on it. The email challenge didn’t work so great for me. I do much better when I have a physical object like a book to refer back to. I was one of the lucky Yellers randomly chosen to partake in this extraordinary opportunity. Here is my experience…

One of the first things that struck me about this book was the feeling I got when I started reading it. It feels like you are sitting having a conversation in your home with Sheila, aka The Orange Rhino. She has written her book in the same way she has written her blog…baring her soul…holding nothing back from us…just telling us the unbridled, raw truth. Her complete honesty inspires the reader to be completely honest with yourself. And boy, does that truth sting at times. I lost count how many times this truth has brought me to tears over the last 30 days…And I’ve laughed almost as much as I’ve cried.

There are only positives to this book. It is set up as daily chapters of 3-4 pages each. This is great for the busy, tired parent who doesn’t have a lot of time to devote to reading each day. The daily tasks don’t take a lot of time, but are so very insightful. One of the most important things asked of the reader is to track our yelling triggers…this is where we really see who is to blame for our yelling…us! There is even a worksheet to keep all our trigger tracking in one place! Each day, we are given revelations, actions and tips… these are fantastic, not to mention very useful! There are also quotes each day that are extremely pertinent to this journey of “yelling less, loving more”. Each and every one of them could be a personal mantra.

I have been forced to look deep into myself during this journey. I know now that I am the reason I yell…not my kids. I’m choosing to react to them how I do. Whether it is consciously or subconsciously, I’m making the decision to yell.

Most of the time, my “tank” is on empty. I’m a pharmacist in one of the busiest pharmacies on the East Coast of Canada. I have to give 100%+ every day at work and when I come home, my kids want even more of me. I’m spent… I know I need to take care of me more, and I’m working on that…my gym membership has been bought and I’m working on adding more “me-time” into my evenings. I know I have to give up on my self-pity for still being single after all these years…I have to love myself more, and remember that “I am enough”. I have to embrace the little family I have and live in the moment. I’m sure I won’t be alone forever, but until the time is right, “I am enough”!

I would love to say that I have been yell-free for more than a couple of days. The truth is that I can’t seem to get past the third day. But I keep trying! My kids deserve it and I want to feel good about my relationships with each of them. They are truly wonderful, loving children who are just that… children. I can’t expect them to act like adults when they are 8 and 4. Besides, I have to teach them how to become good adults, which means I have to practice better self-regulation. Thanks to Yell Less, Love More: How the Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!, I have the tools and insight to be the mother I have always wanted to be. I have enjoyed every moment of this journey, even the tears. This book is so worth reading…I highly doubt there will ever be a “yelling parent” who doesn’t feel the same way after reading this wonderful book!

If my story has touched you at all, please share this post. One of my readers who shares this post will receive a free copy of Yell Less, Love More. Do it! You won’t be disappointed. And if you don’t win it, you can order it here!

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Thank you “Island Mama” for sharing your very, very touching story. Your vulnerability touched me and will stay with me.