I knew almost immediately that I was pregnant with my third son. Intuition, gut instinct, whatever you wanna call it. 14 years ago it was strong! And 14 years ago, not only was it strong, but when I felt it, I had the strength to listen to it, without hesitation.
I’m not sure when I started losing both – my gut instinct and the confidence to listen to myself. But somewhere in the last fourteen years, I did. And in losing both, a lot of internal conflict has ensued and therefore stress endured. And really, in losing both what I mean is, losing the ability to believe in myself and trusting myself. It’s been a challenge I’ve been working to charge through.
Without my gut instinct fully functioning these last few years, it has been hard to make decisions. I constantly seek out advice from others – exhausting for me and my circle. I make more bad decisions than I used to. I feel less confident, less safe even because I don’t feel protected by my red-flag meter.
And then when I do have an inkling of a gut instinct / knowing what I truly deeply want, but won’t listen to myself, I still struggle making decisions. I go back and forth constantly doubting myself and make no progress. Well I make progress – driving myself bonkers that is!
All this said, there is one area where my gut instinct has started to come back online. Where I know exactly what I feel. My awareness that my “gut instinct” needs some love and attention. So that is what I have been doing. Learning to believe in myself again. I’m making progress ever so slowly and can’t wait to share how with all of you. It hasn’t been an easy task, but it’s one I’m willing to work on because it’s something I want to show by example to all my kids so on their birthdays they can look back at their year and say,
“Yep, I had a good year. I believed in myself and led a life I loved that was true to me.”
Happy Birthday kiddo #3. You remind me daily to be true to me. You also make me laugh when I desperately need it and for that, I am forever grateful.
Sending you all warmth today and a reminder to be you!
The Orange Rhino
–> Part of yelling less is being in a good spot when an annoying moment happens. Part of being in a good spot is having less internal conflict. This post might not seem to be about yelling less, but it truly, deeply is. I am writing slightly differently, but trust me, if you are following to learn to yell less, all messages will take you there.
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