Sometimes Life Is Hard “Just Because” — No Explanation Required

Posted on December 18, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

What if? What if we don’t explain away why we feel what we feel, what if we don’t analyze why we’re crying again, but instead we simply say, “it’s Just Because.” And by this we mean, sometimes our feelings and our response simply reflect that life is hard sometimes.

After I shared with you all yesterday about my frustrating medical situation, I dropped the kids off at school and came home to read an email with more frustrating news. “Ugh. Why can’t anything be easy?!” I said out loud, maybe a little too loud. Hope, my dog, looked at me. She was frustrated too. We were off schedule because I had to wait for a worker to come to the house. As soon as the worker came and I got them settled, Hope and I headed out in the oddly warm December weather.

My mind immediately returned to thoughts about how nothing was going smoothly lately. “It’s not that I feel like a victim. No, no this isn’t victim mentality.” I thought to myself. “It’s just, I *wish* things could go a little easier. I *wish* I wasn’t bumping into so many barriers.” I found myself tearing up. It reminded me of the day before when something happened and tears started to form.

Before my son could say anything I said to him, “I know, I know, I’m crying again. It’s what I do lately. The tears just flow.” He laughed and replied, “You beat me to it.” I continued my walk, wondering why I cry so easily lately.

Before my brain could even go there, I said to myself… “Girl, I know you like to analyze everything and have an explanation for everything. But sometimes, sometimes there isn’t an explanation -OR- sometimes one isn’t needed. You don’t need to say ‘it’s what you do lately’ and right now you don’t need to explain away your tears by blaming perimenopause. Just be. Let yourself cry JUST BEcause your body needs to. Just because life is hard sometimes and that’s okay. Sure hormones make it easier to cry 😉 but that’s not always the trigger or even the only trigger.

Life. Life can be a trigger. Life can be hard, and overwhelming and exhausting. Period. Yes, life is good. Sure, everyday should feel good. But sometimes it doesn’t. It’s okay that tears seep out as a response. Let them.”

I sighed a sigh of relief, of feeling free, of feeling more accepted by myself. It’s not that I have anything against crying, I don’t. You all know that. Crying is needed – it’s a way of the body cleansing itself, of helping calm itself, so it doesn’t burst. It’s just, anytime I explained away my tears I also invalidated my feelings. I didn’t leave room for my feelings or experience.

Blaming every tear on a hormonal week or perimenopause, or even exhaustion, didn’t give me a chance to see if something else was going on. Something else that needed space to be seen and fully felt. The rest of my walk was nice and peaceful. I mean 50 degrees in December in NJ? Yes please! The minute I got home a friend called and we started chatting about how exhausted we are from parenting and well, everything 😉 Ironically (or not) we ended up talking about how tears just seem to be natural lately.

She was like “why? just why?” I replied, “Just Because life can be freakin’ hard.” We laughed because we were both also so tired of everything being blamed on anything but our real experience in life. Life can be good. Everyday can have moments that feel good. And also, it can be hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong but just because, it can be a lot. Remember that.

So just keep being you. Keep showing up the best you can in the moment, tears or no tears. You’re doing great.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and also sending tissues (the nice kind with aloe added so your skin doesn’t get rough). Thinking of you all,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When Life Feels Hard and You’re Afraid to Say It Out Loud

Posted on November 18, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

I’ve had a hard couple of days. And not just because it took me way longer to fully get better than I hoped. And not just because this meant that I couldn’t do things that helped me be in a good mind space: exercise, walk outside, hang with friends.

But because I’m having a hard time with this thing called LIFE. Time for transparency 🙂 (And pause. Do I dare share how I really feel right now? Will I be misunderstood? Judged? Do I want to be this vulnerable? I don’t know. Let’s write and see what comes out. Don’t you all love how I talk to myself midpost lol?)

I’m “bored.”

I’m finding life to be monotonous; everyday is the same ole, same ole. It’s uninspiring, unfulfilling. It’s anything but fun. The daily grind is simply weighing me down right now. I have so many daily needs that I have to get to that I can’t get to what I want to get to 🙁

I’m frustrated.

I’m finding parenting my four teens to be a never ending question of “is it ever going to click?” All of them are having me questioning my parenting, myself, right now. Frustrating is an understatement. I know I am a good parent and yet…and yet…really guys?!!!

I’m worried.

I’m finding myself not where I hoped I’d be work wise or finance wise by now. I’m finding myself wondering if many aspects of my life will work out okay, especially my kiddos.

I’m tired.

I’m finding it takes a lot of energy to keep going, to remain engaged, when one is bored, frustrated and worried. Like a lot, a lot. It’s hard to stay upbeat and energetic when one doesn’t have a lot of sources of positive, uplifting moments.

Right now, life is depleting, not giving. Or rather, it is taking more than it’s giving. This place gives me a lot:) but the rest of life is simply taking at a rapid pace and I can’t keep up.

So I guess you could summarize all of this with…

I’m struggling.

I realized this weekend that some of what I need to help me is what I’m missing: laughter, fun, in person human connection and clarity. I can’t make the daily grind disappear. I can’t change my kiddos current actions. I can’t make my life journey go any faster.

But I can add and create some positive oomph to my days. I can proactively add some orange energy to warm up the grayness. I can make plans with friends. I can watch a funny movie. I can adjust my exercise to give me more energy. I can reflect on my goals to get more clarity. I am struggling, but I can take action so that the struggle doesn’t win.

I’ve been there before, where the struggle won. I started yelling again. I stopped seeing as much beauty around me. It was blech. I don’t plan on going back there again. I’ve got one toe in that zone. The good news? I’m aware.

And I know what I gotta do. The other good news? I know where I want to go, I know where I don’t want to go and I know what I want to feel. I feel positive and hopeful that while I might still struggle, because I am human after all and these seasons happen, I will be okay. I will keep going.

And I guess I will post this after all. At least for a couple of minutes while I debate if it should stay up 😉 So, what will you do today to energize yourself and wrap yourself in positive energy so that the daily grind doesn’t win and bring you down?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are feeling bored, worried, tired or any of what I shared above.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*remember, I’m not a mental health expert. This is just me sharing my human experience. If you are having a hard time in life, know you aren’t alone and if you feel like you need help, please reach out to a professional for support. There is no shame in doing so. I talk to a therapist weekly 🙂 xoxo

Make the Plans: Why Time With Friends Is Worth Prioritizing

Posted on September 7, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Okay, I normally don’t directly give advice because I firmly believe that within each of us, we know what we need and what is best for us and that the last thing we truly need is more advice. BUT, today, today I am giving you direct advice. More than advice actually. I am boldly telling you what to do.

Because I love ya 😉 I want you to read this post and then immediately take action to make plans with a friend or friends within the next week or sooner. I also don’t like to write just do it but…just do it!

Yesterday, I had so many positive interactions with friends that today I am overflowing with positive energy, strength, determination, courage and yes, even hope. And honestly, I just feel better. I feel renewed. Refreshed. I feel human. I feel alive. These are some needed and overdue feelings from these past weeks of back to school go-go-go.

Yesterday, I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I laughed so hard I *almost* peed in my pants. I can not remember the last time any of this happened. Oh, oh how I missed this kind of connection. The kind of connection where I smiled so wide that my heart cried. It happily cried from being understood, from being accepted, from being validated.

My heart happily cried from not feeling *weird* or different or *broken.*

My heart happily cried from rejoicing that it, that I, wasn’t alone, that my feelings were shared by others, that I could share with others without being judged.

My friends (that’s you all!) I know we all crave and so very much need connection.I look forward to the day when we get together and laugh as we share stories from our days and cry from sharing other stories.

But until then, I encourage you, I tell you, to reach out to one person and meet with them in person this week. You will feel soooo much better from it. I know we are busy and sometimes hesitant or even afraid to make plans. I know for many of us, placing the call, writing the text, making the plans, will take effort and maybe even feel uncomfortable after all these months or years.

But I also know that the comfort that will come after the little get together will be worth it. Beyond worth it. I almost didn’t have the chit chats I had yesterday. I was too busy. Too worried to share. Too uncomfortable. Too afraid to be rejected. I am so glad that I decided to be uncomfortable and to go there.

Because the comfort I found in the discomfort has me floating today. Happy Saturday to my Orange Rhino friends. I am grateful for you just as much as I am grateful for the local gals in my life.

Sending my warmth to go with the strength I know you have, today and always, and especially if you too sometimes crave more in person connection and struggle to make it happen…but will this week;) hint hint (not subtle at all)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Back-to-School Overwhelm: When Everyone’s Emotions Are Bouncing Off the Walls

Posted on September 2, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

This was me. Last night. Trying not to lose my holy loving mind. Last night = second to last night before senior year, junior year, freshman year (hello new school) and eighth grade start. Last night equaled total and utter, well, I don’t even have the words. Everyone was bouncing off. of. the. walls. and their emotions right there with ’em.

Excitement for a new year.

Stress from getting everything ready (finishing summer work included!)

Anxiety from the transition of summer to school, the land of work and more responsibility (and double transition, so double anxiety for my freshman as he starts a new school).

Sadness that summer is wrapping up and there was one week of amazing and a bunch of other weeks of eh. Summer 2024 was what it was. As JLo said, “Oh, it was a summer.” I share ALL of the emotions plus a few hundred more;) Okay, maybe just a few more.

Sadness and worry are at the top of my list. I’m feeling so bummed that summer vacation is over. I’m often like, “when does school start?” but not this year. I have never wanted to freeze time and also add time more in my life. The fall = mega stress and I am simply not ready for it. Not. One. Iota. And worry? Oh I am worried for each of my boys for different reasons. Not nervous, but mama worried, like my heart hurts worried, and back to school is kicking it up too many notches to count.

So as they bounced off the wall, I REALLY wanted to join them, but tried ever so hard to be the non-bouncy one. But oh, oh it got to a point where it was just too much.

So I took this picture instead of losing it. You know, “capture the moment, capture the yell.” The photo made me laugh. My kids were all, “what is she doing?” Three of them were literally standing around me, ALL talking to me at once as I started to take the selfie.

After I took the picture, I somewhat successfully encouraged everyone to each take some “lets each chill by ourselves” time. It settled everyone down for a little bit. Emphasis on little:) But it was something.

And I needed that little something. So did they. Today will be as overwhelming to my nervous system as last night. And tonight will be worse. Heck, this week is gonna be tough. Knowing this though, is a win. It makes it all easier as I can plan to (1) take care of myself so I’m in a good place and quasi ready to deal and (2) manage the expected triggers like exhausted kids, hangry kids, and adjustment to a new schedule and having to rush.

Here’s to knowing the challenges and being able to therefore mentally prepare for them the best we can. Do you have a challenge you are preparing for this week?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and also wishing everyone in the U.S. a Happy Labor Day.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

* not the best of picture of me lol, but woefully accurate of how I felt

Constant Overwhelm and ADHD: What Helps When I Can’t Think Straight

Posted on June 4, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

One of my biggest challenges is that I am *almost always* in a constant state of overwhelm, and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t feel good at all. The stress. The shame that I can’t manage better. The stress and shame combined leading to me being cranky. Blech. I do not like being overwhelmed, not one bit. Oh, let me count the ways. (And then share my new solution lol!) I often can’t think straight because one thousand thoughts of everything that I need to do, should do and want to do are barreling at my mind full force, fighting for the little free memory that exists.

Then, when the thoughts that do get through capture some memory space, my brain struggles to prioritize, like BIG TIME struggles. Thank you ADHD!

Prioritizing has never been a strength. Well, I always prioritize the people in my life and doing things to make them feel special and loved. That always comes first, without a doubt.

Someone needs celebrating? Priority.
Someone feels down? Priority.
Someone needs support? Priority.

I’m happy that I prioritize my people first. That feels good. That aligns with who I am.

So I’m cool with this even though sometimes it leads to feeling even more overwhelmed in other aspects of my life as key things get dropped for a bit longer than they should. Speaking of which, let’s add another layer to my overwhelm. I often put off, avoid, put my head in the sand, pick a phrase any phrase to talk about how I don’t do what I need to do when I feel overwhelmed. Yep. That is super duper helpful!

So now, we have several layers in this overwhelming situation. Let’s list them out. I mean if I am going to write about overwhelm, I should at least make it feel overwhelming, no?! We have:

Too many thoughts (start of overwhelm).
Little memory space to remember said thoughts (overwhelm kicks up a notch).
Struggle to prioritize (thank you ADHD…even more overwhelming).
Avoidance of thoughts that do get remembered and prioritized (wicked overwhelmed by now!).

Now to be fair, I do also have the following skills, amongst others, I try so very hard to put to use to overcome overwhelm:

Remind myself I can handle this.
Go outside, get fresh air, take a break, maybe even exercise.
Pick one task, break it down, go bit by bit, celebrating each success as I go.
Remind myself it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get to something today; somehow I always get done what needs to!

The thing is…it is SO hard sometimes to remember all those lovely things when I am in a wicked overwhelmed state.

So the other day, as I was walking, I told myself, “Sheila, you need a saying to keep yourself from getting to a state of complete overwhelm. You need a saying to help you not avoid things in the first place because this is out of control. You don’t feel good. This stress isn’t good.”

Here are a few I came up with. I think I’m liking the first one.

“Avoiding only advances Overwhelm.”

“Ignoring invites Overwhelm.”

“Procrastination procreates Overwhelm.” (Hahaha. Not a fan of this one but it made me laugh as it came to my mind!)

Do you have a saying that keeps you from avoiding things? That helps you not feel overwhelmed?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed with the end of the school year and the start of summer.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness, unscheduled post shared to show how I’m processing the daily challenges of life so that I keep living the life I want to live, instead of feeling stuck in the muck #adhdinwomen #4kids #overwhelmed

Does Your Child Have ADHD? A Reminder for Parents Who Worry They’re Getting It Wrong

Posted on May 1, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Does your child have ADHD? You’re a good parent and they’re awesome, like you.

Last night, as I stood in the waiting room with my son, I realized I had this most ridiculously HUGE goofy smile on my face. Like, gargantuan sized. I probably looked like a fool. A happy one, but a fool nonetheless. I felt the smile, my joy, all throughout my body. It was so intense that I took a selfie to capture the moment. This probably made me look more goofy but whatever. And yes, my teenage son LOVED that I did this.

Again, whatever. I was shocked that I was actually smiling, not crying.

I was smiling because I was reading a book that understood me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that saw the good in me.
I was smiling because I was reading a book that inspired me to not quit on myself.
I was smiling because I was reading…a book.

I know, obvious statement but actually not a given one! You see, I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who leaves the house and brings a book to read while she waits.

I love learning and reflecting and always talk about wishing I had more time to do so. I’m in waiting rooms a lot. It’s the perfect time to read. And yet…and yet…I never remember a book. Hello ADHD. Lots of big plans and no action. ARGH (another name for ADHD lol.)

Anywho, so instead of bringing a book, I always end up on my phone. And while I love catching up on emails/texts, playing Tetris and other logic type games, and shopping on Wayfair for items to make my house feel new, I always feel like I could have been more intentional with my time. (Yes I know, books on phone. I can’t read that way. It’s a visual thing.)

But last night, last night y’all I brought a book! A real, book! I just couldn’t help it. I was SO excited to dive into this book, to learn more about what I already knew, that “ADHD is Awesome.” Written by Penn and Kim Holderness (The Holderness Family) it’s just the book I’ve been waiting for. Simple. No expert speak. Approachable. Understandable. Easy to read. (Written kinda in my style, conversation-like, not formal. Just my speed!) It’s full of love. Free of shame. And most importantly, it starts to break down the stigma that comes with ADHD. Of which there is a lot. A LOT. Too much. Way too much.

And this is where the one challenge with the book comes in. And also, the irony. I smiled as I read the book because I felt seen, really seen. But the good parts, the awesome parts. My creativity. My problem solving. My ability to notice things before others. I found myself a little surprised that I wasn’t crying because that’s often what happens with self-growth books when I have big connections or aha’s!

But this book, in the way it’s written, as my traumas or weaknesses weren’t coming to mind, my aha’s were all joyous! I felt excited and hopeful for my future! “ADHD is Awesome” focuses on helping the ADHDer see/work with their highlights and helping those in relationship with ADHDers embrace said highlights while acknowledging the hard. It’s a beautiful approach. A much needed one.

This is all good stuff, right? Well yes. Except…I felt jealous. Sad at times. It was fleeting, but still. The thing is, I have DREAMED of starting something, anything, to tackle the stigma that comes with ADHD. And because of my lovely ADHD…I haven’t. Oh my mind comes up with so, so many ideas. So many dreams. And then I don’t act. I hate it. It leaves me feeling let down, like a failure, and more. Especially as I see other people bring those dreams to life.

But again, this is why I am excited for this book. I’m excited for the tools to help me finally act on my ideas AND…I’m excited for the stigma around ADHD to start being chipped away at, slowly but surely. Some of my kids have ADHD. Our family has felt the impacts of society’s opinion of ADHD. It hasn’t been kind. It’s been lonely as all lonely can be. Hurtful beyond measure. Challenging. Exhausting. Depressing even.

I haven’t been able to really write about it because, well, stigma. This book is a great first step. So yes, there are the tears. Thank you Penn and Kim for furthering this conversation. People don’t fully understand ADHD, especially in kids. The assumptions made about the kids – and their parents aren’t cool. And they are flat out wrong.

My children ARE awesome. I’m a good mom. We don’t need your snide remarks, side glances, or turned backs. We’ve learned to rise above. We are stronger from it, but we wish it were different. We would love a little understanding, a little kindness. We would love an invitation somewhere where we knew it would be judgement free. ADHD is real. People with ADHD have real feelings. And real strengths.

Because “ADHD is Awesome.” I brought a book to an appointment last night. For the first time in forever. Barely fifty pages in and this book is changing me.

So grateful. Thank you Penn and Kim. Maybe someday my dream of working with you to create a marketing campaign to end the stigma around ADHD can come to life…you know, now that I’m learning how to manage my ADHD and might actually get stuff done. We’ll see. I have hope. You’ve given me hope. And again, tears.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness post P.S. Penn and Kim didn’t ask me to review the book or any of that. I’m just sharing because we all know that sharing is caring 😉 AND I want this book to get out everywhere and for the stigma to start going buh-bye!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Dance Like No One Is Watching: What Kids Teach Us About Letting Go

Posted on April 24, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Oh, to dance like no one is watching….

My twelve year old watched as his brother’s team started to lose against the number one competitor in their league. “What’s happening to them?” He asked. “They were winning by so many points! Can we go?!”

“I thought you wanted to watch?” I asked.

“Yeah, but this stinks. They’re losing, it’s not as fun.” He said.

“Well, not yet.” I said. “Give them a chance. Besides, if you want to play, there’s so much to learn right now that has nothing to do with how to actually pass a ball.”

“Like what?” my son said all snarkily…well, trying to sound snarky but actually, really, genuinely interested.

“Well…so much of volleyball is about more than physical skill. A lot of sports are like that. It’s about mindset. It’s about cheering each other on and picking each other up when the team is down after a lost point. It’s also about cheering each other on to keep the mood up, the momentum going.”

“Huh?” He said. But clearly not tuning me out…yet lol.

“Volleyball is a fast game. It’s easy to lose a point. It’s easy to score a point. It’s easy to get cocky and arrogant and then make mistakes…AND it’s easy to get down and doubtful and make mistakes. AND, it’s easy with the right attitude, to get positive and determined and make an insane play BUT to do so… You have to be able to get your head back into the game and be level headed after every single point.

You’ve got to believe in yourself, in your ability, in your team, the entire game. The moment you don’t, you start to lose points.” I wanted to add, “you know, like life” but decided to save that pep talk for another day. I continued. “See how the number (whatever it was) just rolled his shoulders back and then shook his body? He’s relieving stress to get back to a chill mindset. And see how the other kid is talking to himself?”

“Yeah, I thought that looked kinda funny to be honest.”

“Well, he’s pumping himself up, telling himself to shake it off, it’s just one point.

They’ve got this. Talking to yourself is a major sport skill and life skill.”

And with that…his brother’s team lost another point as the serve went into the net. Bummer. It happens – even with a good mental mindset 😉 Once again, no one on the team tried to pick each other up. They kept to themselves when they really needed each other. Another serve. It went over, but alas, another insane spike came right back at them. And another point against them was scored.

“So mom, shouldn’t they be talking to each other right now? Cheering each other on or something?! Like the varsity team did?” He asked.

“Yes! Exactly! The Varsity does better when they encourage each other, the JV team does better when they encourage each other. When you’re on the team, be the leader. Be the one to bring your teammates back together after each point. It’s so important to have that positive energy. It can make or break a game. Literally.”

And then my son’s team had an amazing play and FINALLY came together, rallied together, and high fived (politely, in a good sportsmanship type of way). Their energy collectively lifted and started scoring point after point after point…to win the game.

Everyone does better when encouraged, when lifted up. There can be no shortage of encouragement in this world. And everyone benefits from shared positive energy. Negative energy, like what they were sharing on the court before, has no upside. There is literally no point to it. (See what I did there lol?!) I used to have more of the more negative energy vibe than realistic positive energy vibe. As a result, I missed out on a lot of good feelings. It wasn’t my fault per say, I just didn’t know better.

I didn’t know how to quickly get out of the negative vibe.

I didn’t know how to roll my shoulders back and shake things off, like really shake them off and let them go.

I didn’t know how to talk to myself in a way that I would listen, in a way that I would not listen to the very loud negative voices.

I didn’t know how to focus on putting my effort into what mattered in that moment, “winning the next point, not over analyzing the lost point.”

I didn’t know how to go point by point by point; I just thought of either winning or losing whatever challenges I faced.

That approach made things harder. It made everything feel more negative. But I’m learning. Day by day. Mistake by Mistake. Win by Win.

Because the truth is, I’m determined as heck to learn. That negative vibe that hung around me for way longer than I liked? Well, it kinda sucked to be honest. I accepted it because it was how my life was for so long BUT NOW? Now that I know better? That I’ve experienced a life with more moments of real positivity (as opposed to toxic positivity) well, I’m not keen to welcome it back. I mean, it can come, and it will. It is NORMAL and okay. BUT, for a short visit, you know? Like my son’s game. Just for a few points.

And then I want to have the skills to rally again to a better vibe where my energy is a little more upbeat. Where I smile and jump and high five and laugh and well, dance like no one is watching. Like my son did at his game.

Except my dear son…we were all watching and we all thought it was adorable. (I love you kiddo. Dance on. You bring me so much joy. Also, kudos to you. I wouldn’t be able to do that and not worry about what people think. You inspire me!)

What can you let go of today so that you might find yourself dancing like no one is watching? What can you shake off today so you feel a little lighter, light enough to jump and high five? Getting to a better place – a place with less negative energy – takes effort, for sure.

But it is totally worth it.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness post with my perspectives and ponderings about life and the possibilities that await (thanks Beth!)

What Yelling Less Taught Me About Being More Playful With My Kids

Posted on February 8, 2024 by The Orange Rhino

Playful.Y’all. Not a word I would have ever used to describe myself. Never in one thousand years. But since I stopped yelling? Or rather, when I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind (sorry Billy Joel, kinda just changed your lyrics, what can I say, you inspire me), I am. I am so playful. I am relaxed. I am light.

But it isn’t because I am not yelling. I am in an Orange Rhino state of mind because of one thousand things I am doing or rather, working on, constantly.

Like managing my anxiety.
Exercising (which by the way is taking a boat load of mental motivation this week. Ugh.)
Writing to this wonderful community.
Crying to my therapist.
Letting go of my anger of which I have plenty this month. Plenty.

In the span of one month, I received a diagnosis that could have been prevented if I was listened to one year ago.

My son received a diagnosis on Monday that could have been prevented if I was listened to last year, and the year before, and the year before that and the year before that.

So yeah, I’m angry. But the anger isn’t doing me good. It’s heavy. It weighs me down. It doesn’t feel good. It isn’t fun.

So I said hello to it, shared it, processed it and said goodbye for the day. It will probably come back today. And I will repeat the process.

Because I’d rather be playful. It just feels better. When there is the rare opening to chat with my teens and the moon and stars align and our moods align, I want to be playful with them.

Like last night. Darling teenager had the vanilla Haggen-dazs. He was eating right out of it as there wasn’t much left. I could have been annoyed at the bad manners OR I could join in and eat the ice cream with him. (No comments please. We have all sat and shared ice cream with a loved one, no?) I choose to have fun. What did I do? I secretly got a spoon. Then I snuck up on him, grabbed the ice cream and ran for it. I didn’t make it very far. But I did get one really good bite. And a lot of laughter. That filled my soul more.

Learning to let go of anger.
Learning to manage my anxiety.
Learning to set boundaries for myself.
Learning to feel all the feels.
Learning to see beauty even on the darkest days.
Learning to live fully… Not easy things for me to learn.

But things that have such wonderful upside that they are worth my energy. I mean just look, the upside was a core memory with my teenager. If I was still stuck in angry and bitter, that wouldn’t have happened.

Here’s to learning the tough stuff. And vanilla haggen-dazs. Sending warmth and strength today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

When You’re Tired of Being Called Strong: What Barely Hanging On Feels Like

Posted on September 6, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

On Being “Strong” The truth is, right now, I am just barely hanging on. I’m not processing much – just getting through each day. I could take this post in so many different directions. I’m barely hanging on because…it’s been a long summer….it’s back to school and I’m excited for routine AND ALSO need to create the new schedules and figure out who goes where and when and HOW the heck I am going to make it happen….the house needs fixing and while making calls, something else broke….I have big dreams and goals and trying to achieve them and run a home is overwhelming at times.

And also, extra barely hanging on because while I was so excited for back to school because it meant a few extra hours for myself this week to manage all of the above…last Thursday around 12:43, my dreams of time to chill and get life in order came to a screeching halt.

I got a call from the doctor’s office that my skin biopsy was indeed my third basal cell skin cancer and that I needed surgery…again…and ASAP…and oh by the way, “So we have an opening next week, Thursday, September 7th, how about that day?”

My response, “Oh well yes, actually. That is my first week with kids back to school and I would love nothing more than to spend it having nose surgery.” Yes, I actually said this while laughing. And yes the nurse on the other line laughed back.

And then we had a moment of solidarity as I said, “Well if this isn’t Life and Motherhood defined.” I commented. “Get time to myself and this is how I will spend it.”

“Yes, yes it is.” she said.

The procedure itself, no big deal. Been there done that. But It’s the closing up I am worried about and I have spent most of last week and this week so far frantically finding the right doctor – with availability – to do the plastic surgery closing so that my nose looks normal afterwards. It has been a whirlwind. I am tired. No time to process this crap situation. Just go, go, go. Strong, strong, strong.

Sometimes it is nice to be strong and resilient. It is powering me through this week. I have no other choice right now – I need to be strong so I can plan this surgery AND get my kids back to school (and to not freak them out.) But I can’t wait to crash and cry to be honest. I am scared of how I will look.

When I had eyelid cancer I lost half of my lower eyelid. The doctor doesn’t know how much of the tip of my nose I will lose. It’s funny. My entire teen years I begged my parents to save for a nose job instead of college. I hated my nose.

Now? Now, I am afraid to lose my nose. I have grown to like my nose. Oh how times change. Oh how suddenly we realize what we have is good enough all along… Sending warmth and strength to you all today… STRENGTH if you need it…and also STRENGTH to say to friends and family, “I need a break from being ‘strong,’ I need you all to be strong for me.” It’s okay to not be strong in the typical sense, sometimes. We don’t need to be strong all the time 😉 A lot more on this later, when my mind is more clear.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Life Charges at Us: Why I Need to Recharge Before I Can Take Charge

Posted on August 21, 2023 by The Orange Rhino

Life Charges at us sometimes. In so many, many different ways. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is just a fact of life. Unexpected life changes. Children having wicked tough days. Family emergencies. Personal emergencies. BACK TO SCHOOL go-go-go preparations! It can be a lot. And that was a short list!

Time to Re-Charge so we can Take Charge (of what we can.) Just a little Monday morning thought given “The Orange Rhino” and all and one I have been playing with and reminding myself of when I feel life charging at me. Re-charge Sheila so you can Take Charge!

Did you know Rhinos charge because they feel threatened, provoked, triggered? Parents charge vis-a-vis yelling for the same reasons. Hence how I identified with a rhino years upon years ago lol.

I added the orange for much needed warmth, confidence, and positive energy and because I didn’t want to charge/yell.

I added four pink birds, one for each of my sons, to represent love, community support and because well, I love the color pink;) But the more and more I think about it, The Orange Rhino truly is about more than yelling and parenting.

When I used to yell, while on the surface it seemed I was triggered in the moment by my kids, I was really triggered/threatened/provoked by LIFE, which yes, includes people in my life. Which yes, also includes ME which was my major conclusion years ago. In my book, I wrote that “It’s not you, it’s me” meaning the kids weren’t the trigger, it was me.

Still stand by that, in the sense that if I wanted to stop yelling, I had to look within instead of out. Now, I expand. I need to look within, and then look out again. I have spent the last year, and a few years prior looking out at my LIFE. What in my life feels threatening? Real or imagined? What in my life triggers me? From my past? My future? What in my life provokes me? To think? To act? To want to fight – sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much?

I can learn from all the moments that make me want to charge…and all the moments when I feel life charging at me. And I can make sure to re-charge myself as much as possible –> so that I am ready for said “want to charge moments” –> so that I remain warm and loving and respectful. Oooh, here’s another one. So that I remain positively charged;) and have a productive interaction –> so that I can then use what I learned and “take charge” of my knowledge and move forward. Clearly so many fun ways to use the word charge that aren’t negative!

Speaking of charging, my darling sons are waking up and as lovely and “grown up” as they are, without food in them, there will be some legit charging at each other. Puberty and hormones and four teen boys is just, um, A LOT.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today, as you start your week! Remember to re-charge every now and then so you can take charge and have the day you want. If it looks to be a cruddy day, take charge of the moment to find some joy – a funny video, a good chat with a friend. Add some good to the crud! And if you aren’t feeling positively charged at all, that’s okay. Some days are like that. Happy Monday!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

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