Oh, to dance like no one is watching….
My twelve year old watched as his brother’s team started to lose against the number one competitor in their league. “What’s happening to them?” He asked. “They were winning by so many points! Can we go?!”
“I thought you wanted to watch?” I asked.
“Yeah, but this stinks. They’re losing, it’s not as fun.” He said.
“Well, not yet.” I said. “Give them a chance. Besides, if you want to play, there’s so much to learn right now that has nothing to do with how to actually pass a ball.”
“Like what?” my son said all snarkily…well, trying to sound snarky but actually, really, genuinely interested.
“Well…so much of volleyball is about more than physical skill. A lot of sports are like that. It’s about mindset. It’s about cheering each other on and picking each other up when the team is down after a lost point. It’s also about cheering each other on to keep the mood up, the momentum going.”
“Huh?” He said. But clearly not tuning me out…yet lol.
“Volleyball is a fast game. It’s easy to lose a point. It’s easy to score a point. It’s easy to get cocky and arrogant and then make mistakes…AND it’s easy to get down and doubtful and make mistakes. AND, it’s easy with the right attitude, to get positive and determined and make an insane play BUT to do so… You have to be able to get your head back into the game and be level headed after every single point.
You’ve got to believe in yourself, in your ability, in your team, the entire game. The moment you don’t, you start to lose points.” I wanted to add, “you know, like life” but decided to save that pep talk for another day. I continued. “See how the number (whatever it was) just rolled his shoulders back and then shook his body? He’s relieving stress to get back to a chill mindset. And see how the other kid is talking to himself?”
“Yeah, I thought that looked kinda funny to be honest.”
“Well, he’s pumping himself up, telling himself to shake it off, it’s just one point.
They’ve got this. Talking to yourself is a major sport skill and life skill.”
And with that…his brother’s team lost another point as the serve went into the net. Bummer. It happens – even with a good mental mindset 😉 Once again, no one on the team tried to pick each other up. They kept to themselves when they really needed each other. Another serve. It went over, but alas, another insane spike came right back at them. And another point against them was scored.
“So mom, shouldn’t they be talking to each other right now? Cheering each other on or something?! Like the varsity team did?” He asked.
“Yes! Exactly! The Varsity does better when they encourage each other, the JV team does better when they encourage each other. When you’re on the team, be the leader. Be the one to bring your teammates back together after each point. It’s so important to have that positive energy. It can make or break a game. Literally.”
And then my son’s team had an amazing play and FINALLY came together, rallied together, and high fived (politely, in a good sportsmanship type of way). Their energy collectively lifted and started scoring point after point after point…to win the game.
Everyone does better when encouraged, when lifted up. There can be no shortage of encouragement in this world. And everyone benefits from shared positive energy. Negative energy, like what they were sharing on the court before, has no upside. There is literally no point to it. (See what I did there lol?!) I used to have more of the more negative energy vibe than realistic positive energy vibe. As a result, I missed out on a lot of good feelings. It wasn’t my fault per say, I just didn’t know better.
I didn’t know how to quickly get out of the negative vibe.
I didn’t know how to roll my shoulders back and shake things off, like really shake them off and let them go.
I didn’t know how to talk to myself in a way that I would listen, in a way that I would not listen to the very loud negative voices.
I didn’t know how to focus on putting my effort into what mattered in that moment, “winning the next point, not over analyzing the lost point.”
I didn’t know how to go point by point by point; I just thought of either winning or losing whatever challenges I faced.
That approach made things harder. It made everything feel more negative. But I’m learning. Day by day. Mistake by Mistake. Win by Win.
Because the truth is, I’m determined as heck to learn. That negative vibe that hung around me for way longer than I liked? Well, it kinda sucked to be honest. I accepted it because it was how my life was for so long BUT NOW? Now that I know better? That I’ve experienced a life with more moments of real positivity (as opposed to toxic positivity) well, I’m not keen to welcome it back. I mean, it can come, and it will. It is NORMAL and okay. BUT, for a short visit, you know? Like my son’s game. Just for a few points.
And then I want to have the skills to rally again to a better vibe where my energy is a little more upbeat. Where I smile and jump and high five and laugh and well, dance like no one is watching. Like my son did at his game.
Except my dear son…we were all watching and we all thought it was adorable. (I love you kiddo. Dance on. You bring me so much joy. Also, kudos to you. I wouldn’t be able to do that and not worry about what people think. You inspire me!)
What can you let go of today so that you might find yourself dancing like no one is watching? What can you shake off today so you feel a little lighter, light enough to jump and high five? Getting to a better place – a place with less negative energy – takes effort, for sure.
But it is totally worth it.
Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡The Orange Rhino
*another unedited, stream of consciousness post with my perspectives and ponderings about life and the possibilities that await (thanks Beth!)
