So often negative emotions are seen as only that – negative 🙂 So they are discouraged, ignored, or pushed down. You all know me though, I’m a believer in “feel all the feels.” All emotions add value or another. So I don’t see negative emotions as negative (unless they are used that way.)
Last night, I had a full range of emotions – including envy – in a whopping span of five or so minutes. I had the option to let envy remain as a heavy, discouraging, negative feeling OR to let it lift me up. I chose the latter. Through a series of odd events, I discovered really cool information about a family relative right before going to bed.
At first, I felt inspired, uplifted. Thoughts like, “Wicked cool! Amazing! Holy schnikes!” ran through my mind. Their associated energies woke up my very tired, “is it bedtime yet” body. For a moment. Maybe two. Until eventually, the next thought popped up.
Before I share that thought, know that I’m okay with it. It might seem judgemental, negative, harsh. I see it as reflective. Empowering. Useful. That thought
“Wow. Look at my parents, my grandparents, my great-grandparents and other great-greats and cousins removed. Such smart people who made true contributions in their line of work. Who had passions and didn’t ignore them, but rather lived them. I have so many similar interests as them. Clearly interests in the brain and psychology and helping people are in my blood…and yet… and yet…
WHAT ABOUT ME? What am I doing? Why have I not acted fully like them? Why have I stopped short, and they went full speed ahead? Why have I held myself back? Why do I not believe that I could succeed in certain areas? Why do I dream, but not fully go forward?”
And lastly, “Oh, oh I am so tired of wishing and wanting and dreaming and not doing. I want to live a life pursuing my passions just like my great-great, or removed-removed, whatever he was relative.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this awakening if you will. It has happened a few times over the last five or so years. It’s part of what drove me back here.
When I started The Orange Rhino Challenge® to stop yelling for a year, when I started this community and started speaking with you all, I felt alive in a way I hadn’t in a while. My brain loved the intellectual challenge. My heart loved the emotional connections. All of me loved figuring out ways to help others yell less.
When I felt fully alive here, I had a pep in my step. I glowed. I felt confident, creative, excited, energized. I laughed, smiled more. I had dreams and was actively walking towards them. It felt AMAZING. It was amazing.
So when my life started to get more grey, when the heaviness of life started to win, I knew where to return.
HERE.
To a place that brought out the best in me.
To a place where I lived fuller.
As I think back to last night, and reading about my relative and his contributions to the world of psychology and child development (not sharing names to protect privacy of my extended family), I do find myself feeling envious of all he achieved. Of all he went forward with. But envy isn’t bad. It’s a light shining on what matters to us -or- where we need to work a little bit. If we look at envy as a light, instead of as a weight, it will truly brighten the way forward towards where we want to go. It will brighten the way towards a more fulfilling life, a lighter life.
I’m excited for today, to see what my envy is telling me. I have a thousand hunches, all good. I feel excited. I feel a little more certain about the direction I’m supposed to be headed.
Reading more about my famous relative last night was exciting, then a little discouraging, and now, well now I just wish he was alive so we could have coffee and geek out and talk about the future of The Orange Rhino.
* If you and I were to have coffee today, what dream would you want to talk about? What would get you all giddy and excited? *
Sending warmth and strength to you today and always…so that you may keep going towards the life you dream of…and deserve!
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
