Tag Archives: Friendship

The Word I Never Thought I’d Use to Describe Myself

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The minute the word came off of my tongue, I stopped right in my tracks. “Did I really just say THAT word?” I asked myself. “Me, Sheila? I used that word, ever so nonchalantly? WHOA. Time out Celtics!”

Don’t worry. It wasn’t a bad word, or a word that I would correct my teenagers from using and then bust into a not-lecture-but-totally-a-lecture filled with “when I was a kid we never said those words and how is that word normalized and I’m worried about your generation” vibes.

I mean, it was the F word… but a good F word. A happy word even. Actually, it was several words strung together, a phrase! Are you ready for it?

“I had a lot of FUN today….”

F…U…N…FUN! I had just walked in the door with my boys from camp/work pick up and said, “I had a lot of fun today, who wants to see what I worked on?” I literally couldn’t believe I used the word fun. I was just so excited and wanted to share my joy.

Besides, of the three kids with me (one kiddo is still sick) one is artsy, one is into design and one is into math. I thought they might be interested in my excitement. Spoiler alert: (1) I was talking to teens and (2) exhaustion from camp made their interest a big NO. Which was fine, I got right back to my project and right back to having… MORE FUN. The project? I was drawing new floor plans for our kitchen/mudroom.

After two architects falling through because of personal reasons, I’m now waiting on a third one, and well, I got tired of waiting for the project to start.

So, I ever so happily took matters into my own hands. Ever. So. Happily. Cabinets are falling off the wall. Appliances are leaking and breaking. This project can’t wait any longer. Besides, I always wanted to be an architect. I have loved design and homes and creating beauty since I was a little girl. Floor designs bring my love of math, my love of puzzles, and my love of beauty all together in one place.

So, with my tracing paper out, my pencil in one hand, my architectural ruler in another, I started drawing line, after line, after line. I was in heaven as I imagined and re-imagined, drew and erased.

The only thing never erased? My happiness or my clarity about how much I love design. I was so at peace. I was challenged, in a good way. I was fulfilled as I finished one concept, ready to go on to the next. I was happy. I was having fun, so much fun. It was glorious. It isn’t that I don’t have fun. I do.

I had fun last week when my friend came over and we floated in the pool and just chatted.

I had fun talking on the phone with my best friend the other day.

I had fun joking yesterday morning when I called up to my almost 18 year old to see if he was ready and his reply was, “Oh good morning, I see you’ve had your coffee mom.” And I replied, “Oh yes, I have, shall we see if your brother has?!” But in general, in general, I wouldn’t say that I would describe my life as “fun.” That’s a bummer.

That’s now really how I want to live. I don’t need to be a party animal. I don’t need to have boat loads of fun everyday.

But I do want to have some fun everyday. I do want to do MORE of WHAT I ENJOY, more often. It isn’t that I am actively choosing not to. It isn’t that I am over-prioritizing the kids and yada. It’s just that, to be honest,

  1. I’m still honing in on activities, hobbies and experiences that bring me true enjoyment! Yes, I know what I like, but as my kids have gotten older and I have returned to having more time to myself, I am just getting back to more time for me! I know some of them. Photography. Arranging floral bouquets. Going to the beach. Celebrating others and doing random acts of kindness. Bowling. Watching the sunrise. Hiking. House design. Cake decorating. Writing, creating, designing, doing anything related, like interacting with you all:)
  2. I forget to stop and do the above activities! I get so caught up in managing the household, in doing this and doing that, that I don’t stop and do things that I enjoy. I know, I know. I need to schedule them. Routines and schedules and systems, well, I’m working on getting into them;) #ADHDlife
  3. On top of all this, I’ve been asking myself some hard questions lately, like:
    + Which activities can I do here and there to get bursts or fun and…
    + Which activities could I get lost in for hours?
    + Which activities could I do more often, for longer, so I can really say, yes, my life is fun, because I LOVE what I do?

FUN is all relative. Fun is different for me today than it was years ago and even one year ago. And it’s different for me than it is for you. What is the same for all of us, and the same today, and in the past, and yes and in the future, is what we all need. Fun fuels the soul.

I felt SOOO good yesterday. So good. What will you do today that will be fun? That will light you up? Do tell below! And if you can’t do it, tell us anyway. Believe it or not, it’s a trick that will make your brain even feel a little bit better.

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and especially if you too are in the process of getting back to yourself and getting back to adding more fun, on your terms, into your day. The Orange Rhino * another unedited stream of consciousness, without a full cup of coffee post, reflecting a current challenge I am processing so that I can keep moving forward towards being the me I want to be and living the life I want to live.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Life Can Be Good and Hard at the Same Time

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I’m supposed to be cheerful. Happy! I should share that life is good! Life is great! I should downplay my struggles if I want my message to reach you all. And here’s the thing – LIFE IS GREAT. Life is good. I am happy. I am cheerful.

But, and there is a but…I need to add a disclaimer. An asterisk if you will. Yes…life is great. I am alive, I have a loving family that only drives me bonkers “sometimes,” I am mostly healthy. I have a roof above my head. I have close friends. I have a beautiful community that brings me joy. Yes, I have a lot in my life that is indeed great. Life IS Great*

*and also…sometimes, sometimes it just doesn’t feel so great.

Life is good…and also hard.

I am happy…and sometimes sad.

I can be cheerful…and sometimes down.

I am honest…and well, always honest. Especially when it comes to feelings.

I have never hidden how I feel. Maybe I have hidden it from certain people, or in certain situations, or perhaps delayed the sharing, but I have never strayed from acknowledging them. All of them.

Happy, sad.
Cheerful, down.
Excited, anxious.
Ecstatic, disappointed.
Calm, overwhelmed.
Confident, unsure.

Here is a feeling I am feeling now. Concerned.

Showing the world only “happy, cheerful, life is great” posts isn’t necessarily the way to make people feel better. Yes, it makes people feel better in the moment. But, it’s only part of the equation.

And actually, not acknowledging the other part – the not so cheerful posts – is a disservice. It doesn’t help people feel better in the long run.

There is more to helping people feel better.

People need to know they are not alone in their struggles.

People are craving connection with others like them so that they feel understood and safe to finally share their real feelings, free of judgement.

People are looking silently for stories that make them feel better about their feelings that aren’t so often talked about because they are frowned upon, shamed, feared, misunderstood and more.

People, like me, want to be real about life and ALL the feelings so that we feel lighter…which is what helps us to feel better.

Feeling lighter helps us to take steps towards getting to a brighter place, a place where we fully enjoy all that makes life great. Sharing all our feelings in a vulnerable way with others isn’t gloom and doom. It’s human. It takes courage. It is what TRULY CONNECTS people even more so than 100% happy stuff. It actually LEADS to more happy moments. It frees people and… 

* * * It is what makes life great. * * * 

The following song just popped into my head. Interesting 😉 Thanks Dionne.

“What the world needs now, is love sweet love./
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

Sharing posts that reflect all experiences – “life is great” and “life is hard right now” IS LOVE.

Both posts help people better in different ways. Both kinds of posts help people connect with others, connect their own thoughts, connect with their inner selves, and connect with their dreams.

I hope this post doesn’t get lost as many of mine have been. I will continue to be real, sharing my struggles and how I process them and get to a better spot. And I will continue to share my brighter moments too, and the even not so bright moments.

If I am not honest with myself about how I feel or who I am, I won’t be The Orange Rhino anymore…I will be back to a Gray Rhino, charging with my words because I’m not acknowledging how I really feel. And since I am honest, I like being The Orange Rhino much better.

It feels Warmer. Lighter. Brighter. It feels Better.

Sending you my warmth to go with your strength, and my gratitude for your continuous support of this wonderful and special community.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

 *this is another unedited, written stream of consciousness style with typos, post * * just kidding, I did go back and add a few things after I saw the comments. Like how grateful I am for all of you. xoxo.

Adult Friendship and Anxiety: What It Feels Like to Still Be Looking for Your People

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I had a different post planned for this morning. Something fun and upbeat. Something I knew everyone could relate to as a mom. Something I knew would lift me up, would bring me alive a bit.

And then last night happened. With a quick press on “send,” I was reminded how much I am struggling with friendships in this stage of life, with being accepted for who I am, with finding my people. I have a hunch I’m not alone in this, so here’s today’s post. May reading it and perhaps knowing you aren’t alone, uplift you 🙂

I sit here now, and I can’t help but think about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I guess, how hard it has always been for me to make friends, to keep them even.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember what it felt like to be rejected from friend groups at overnight camp when I was thirteen-ish, just because I was a little different.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember how I always felt like the third, or fourth wheel in elementary school, always the friend last to be called, sometimes even forgotten.

I sit here now, and I can’t help but remember all of the times in my life when I have been asked to be a part of friend groups, but my anxiety got in the way. I was sure they wouldn’t really like me or fully accept me. That’s what history told me. Anxiety, being bullied, and self-doubt are quite the tri-fecta, you know 😉

I sit here now, and I think of how I went to message someone who I have been friendly with for a while, only to discover I couldn’t.

I really liked this person. We had similar life stories. Similar values. She writes too, and I really thought that we could be friends, that we could connect over the ups and downs of this life. I was excited.

And I was blocked. Suddenly, as the “message failed to send” popped up, so did a lifetime of pain and insecurities. The upside? Years past, I would have spent a long while asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I say? Why doesn’t she like me? I would have spent hours reading messages, looking for clues for how I screwed up, how I acted weird, how I could have done better.

Last night, I simply was floored. I knew it wasn’t me. I knew I did nothing wrong. I was simply kind. Supportive. Excited for her. I was myself. The truth is, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve accepted that. (Okay, kind of.) And maybe it really wasn’t personal(ish.) And also… Another truth? It still hurts to be rejected.

And it’s disappointing to lose a connection that you thought, hoped, could have been a source of support. For me, it’s hard to find said support in a writing world that often feels lonely, confusing and harsh. Finding someone who got it felt lovely. Oh, and one more truth? It’s disheartening. Putting yourself out there, making new connections, sharing bits of yourself, being vulnerable as you do so, only to learn, “yeah, I’m actually not interested in chatting more?” Yeah, that’s hard.

Hard is actually quite the understatement. What’s harder is feeling lonely at times.

What’s harder is not having a lot of connections with people who understand you, who accept you, who share your joy, who see your pain.

What’s harder is not being able to easily find people with similar interests, similarish personalities, similarish stories so that they understand yours (mine is complex so this does matter.)

What’s harder is not having people to talk to about topics you love and find interesting, about problems you need some thoughts on, about shared memories and future planned memories.

What would be even harder? Giving up and no longer putting yourself out there. Making friends is hard at any age. But it’s important. Connection is a human need.

So keep going. Keep trying. I should and you should too. We all deserve it. Last night hurt. I take solace though knowing it wasn’t me.

And I take solace knowing how many wonderful people I have met here that are my online friends:) that I connect with daily and that I *will* all ten fingers crossed, meet someday at a big ‘ole Orange Rhino dinner at the beach. In friendship I send you warmth and strength,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

P.S. #1 You’re always welcomed and accepted here. Xoxo

P.S. #2 I didn’t mean to take this picture. I was trying to take a picture of the snow outside and had it on selfie mode by mistake.

But I looked so peaceful. So there you go. I will find me people and so will you. Again, xoxo   ​

The Secret Ingredient That Helps Me Reconnect With My Teen After a Fight

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I got into a “fight” with my teen yesterday and it reminded me of the “secret ingredient” I have to being in a good relationship with my teens. It’s an ingredient that……

helps us re-connect after a disconnect…
diffuses either of our moods so that we can enjoy each other’s company instead of suck the joy out of the room…
makes the tough moments less memorable because it makes other moments more special…

I never would have thought of it. The ingredient? Being playful. The fight? You really want to know what we fought over? Oh, I started a water fight in the kitchen 😉

It was the end of the night. He was chill. I was chill. We were just chatting. He had milk on his face, as he always does, and probably always will. He is legit a walking “Got Milk?” ad. A handsome one at that! I nicely pointed it out, and he replied with “well, since you are at the sink, can you give me a wet paper towel?”

Well…duh. Major opportunity! I wet a paper towel. Like drenched it. I was inspired by the weather here so I didn’t squeeze it out…and tossed it at him so when he caught it, it sprayed all over him. He then flicked his wet hands at me to get me wet forgetting that I was still at the sink. Rookie move dude. I turned the faucet on to spray him, obviously. He started to run. It. Was. Awesome. We were laughing. And smiling. And connecting. And bonding. And not fighting or bickering or yelling or arguing or any of that crapola. All my stress from the day disappeared. I imagine for him too.

It was one of the highlights of my week. If you told me eighteen months ago that this teen and I would be laughing together instead of me hiding in my bathroom crying, I wouldn’t have believed you, but here I am. We got here because of the other secret ingredient – I trusted him and let him try to fly.

I believed in him and gave him more room to grow. And as I treated him as he wanted to be treated, as I treated him like the person I believed he could be, and he grew, and I started relaxing and being more playful, our relationship grew. It has been amazing.

Is it perfect all the time? Nope. We still have our moments but the difference is so much better.

It’s funny. When I first started out trying to stop yelling, I did everything and anything to keep a yell from coming out of my mouth. Talked like a robot. Talked like I had marshmallows in my mouth. Talked like Bugs Bunny (What’s up son?) Whispered.

Said silly things like, “ooogaschmoogabooga!”

These “tricks” worked for a lot of reasons (for my goal of not yelling in the moment, we all know I needed to look deeper to stop yelling for the long run.) In the obvious way, they:

Gave my voice, my mouth, something else to do.
Made the kids focus more to listen.
Made the kids laugh which made us all feel better.
Helped us all to chillax in tense moments.

In the less obvious way, but just as important, these tricks:
Calmed my nervous system down by making me talk slower, and reduced stress in my body by balancing out all the hormones that go all over the place when in fight or flight.

So, lots of good benefits, right? I mean, and lets not forget the biggest two: they all helped me to stop yelling and get to a better place which therefore allowed us all to either connect or re-connect. Wins, wins all around.

The theme of all the tips? Being playful. I don’t worry about yelling at my teens as much as I did when they were seven and under. I am in a much better place, as are they. The dynamic has shifted.

So I don’t use these tricks as much to make sure I don’t yell but…these “tricks” are still applicable.
They still diffuse tension.
They still make us laugh.
They still help to reduce stress.
They still help us all to chillax.
They still help my nervous system after a long day.
They still help us to connect.

Being playful, being silly, it brings the intensity down so many notches, which is really needed with teens (and okay, me.)

Teens are struggling with holding on to being a kid and joining the world of being way more responsible. It is an intense place to be, I remember. (And also, okay, as a mom of a teen, it is also intense knowing that letting go even more is coming.) My kids enjoy my playfulness 98% of the time, sometimes I time it way wrong. It is a welcome break from all the intensity of school, social drama, worrying about the future (which even if not spoken about at home, is spoken about by friends and society), and changes they go through at this stage. Life is simply intense for them – good and not so much.

When I respond to my teens in a playful way, they are pleasantly surprised and I think relieved. It is kind of like how my making mistakes shows them being perfect isn’t the goal and is totally human and okay. Phew! Being playful is the same – it reminds them that as they become teens and “grow up” they can still be totally playful. Playful in the silly way, not “less than intelligent teen” way.

I know they know this (based on the evidence in my house, ahem, behavior I still see) but I also see glimpses of them trying to hold back. I can’t tell you their absolute favorite thing I do because it would embarrass them and that is a no go.

But I will say that it absolutely proves that they like the break from being a teen, that they like the flashback to being a little kid, when life was a little easier. It’s funny, I mean it isn’t funny, and that is just an odd saying, but whatev (feel like talking like teens did when I was one,) I started out being silly to try and get their attention. It was absolutely intentional. I wanted to do something so different that they had to see me, hear me, stop what they were doing, look up from their screens and look at me and wonder, “what the heck is mom doing?” It worked.

I got their attention. But I got more than the focused attention I wanted. I got loving attention. They looked at me with affection, with twinkles in their eyes. Smirks on their lips.

And then feigned annoyance in their voices which really meant, “Aw mom, I love you and you are so ridiculous.” We shared a moment. And getting those moments is so hard these days with moods and schedules and more moods and more schedules. Being ridiculous was so worth it. Beyond worth it.

So yeah, I started out being playful to get their attention, but now I do it because it turns out being playful isn’t just an effective tool to stop yelling, but it is a really fun way to start connecting. And on that note, it is time to make the Donuts (well get them) because that’s what we do if they are awake on time and my goodness, somehow everyone is ready on time today. Sending playful energy your way today, xoxo, The Orange Rhino © 2023

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why Belonging Has Always Mattered So Much to Me

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Apparently, I have always just wanted to be accepted. I have always wanted to belong. To be a part of something. To not be the third wheel. To not be the odd one who overshared her feelings. To not be the one who had to explain herself, why she acted how she did. I realized this yesterday morning and it was a doooozy. Repeat, a doooozy. Total, utter, doozy. Even writing it just now brought tears to my eyes.

Where did this come from? Oh, just a simple question from Rachel, a.k.a. The Hands Free Revolution in her new book Soul Shift. She asked (notice how I write she, not the book, that is how it reads, truly like a conversation with a friend.) The question was about our childhood and happy memories – something like that.

My mind oddly went to, well, there are a few but sh*t, mostly, I just felt left out. I felt different. I felt like I was always trying to be seen for who I was; trying to be accepted for who I was; trying to also hide who I was.

Needless to say, I thought Thursday was hard because I thought I was going to lose you all, my “In Case of Emergency” folks.

Well, yesterday made Thursday look easy. But even though it was hard as heck to realize how much I longed for acceptance as a child – and lets face it – still do as an adult, it was beautiful. I write as tears stream down my face. Tears that are probably 40 something years old. This realization undoubtedly popped out ahead of all other memories as I have been working on acceptance as a core part of the future of The Orange Rhino – so it was really cool to make this connection. And also, really cool for me as a growing person to realize.

I don’t read a lot. Reading is actually really hard for me. Always has been. (Did you know that writing is too? That is why my style is what it is – whatever flows out, flows out.) But I do love to read books that make me think about my life and personal growth. And when I find a book that is amazing, that makes me profoundly think, that makes me fold every page so I make sure to go back and re-read and re-read because the thoughts have stuck with and instantly helped me, my difficulty with reading disappears and I find the stamina to power through. And oddly enough, to do so at lightning speed.

There are literally a handful of books in this category. Books with titles that I never forget, unlike my kids’ names that I seem to mix up daily! My dear Rachel, your book #SoulShiftBook is now in that category along with other New York Times Bestsellers…

Atomic Habits by James Clear
10% Happier by Dan Harris
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Soul Shift by Rachel Macy Stafford

The Hands Free Revolution I kid you not. This book is golden. Y’all, I recall from my last post about this book how many of you have this book on your wish list. I know times are financially tough for many. I also know how impactful this book is and I want you to have it. I want to support you. I want you to feel how I have felt. I know I have said I have felt like crap. Yes, I am saying that.

But remember – I have also said how beautifully freeing it is! I have pre-ordered 3, make that 5 copies because of need, plus my own, because I know how important pre-orders are to Authors and because I truly want to support both Rachel and you. I will send these four copies to the first 6 people that email me at TheOrangeRhinoChallenge@gmail.com with the subject “Soul Shift” and your address included (US only please, sorry!) I ask that you be truly honest with yourself about your need as I know how many emails I will get.

And I also ask, that if like me, you yearn to be accepted, know that here, you are. All my love, The Orange Rhino © 2023

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Friend Who Made Me Feel Seen When I Needed It Most

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Dear The Hands Free Revolution,

I have known you since the beginning of my journey as The Orange Rhino. I will never forget our phone call – when we actually talked live, as friends do, and I felt seen and understood. You knew what it felt like to be an author; to have a book come out and all the complex emotions that came with it. I was able to be me with you – to share my real feelings, my truths.

Talking to you was a gift. No different than reading your words. This morning, instead of writing first thing, I decided to read your new book, “Soul Shift” and now I am in tears and had to put your book down and write. So here I am.

Recently, I ordered loads of orange clothes for myself. I did it to inspire me, encourage me, force me even, to keep going. To keep writing. To keep reaching towards my goal of showing up as The Orange Rhino. My mental plan: if I have the orange clothes, then I need to wear them. There is no escaping them. No quitting. All the purchases were a bold move, a wee bit impulsive even. Or were they?

I have been overwhelmed with self-doubt lately. Okay, let’s be honest. Who am I kidding. I have been full of self-doubt most of my life. It is kinda how I roll. Not really fond of that. The one time I wasn’t? Probably at the peak of The Orange Rhino before I took my personal hiatus; I was full of joy then.

And I haven’t just been overwhelmed with self-doubt.

I have been overwhelmed with fear of failure.
I have been overwhelmed with pleasing people.
I have been overwhelmed with feeling lost.
I have been overwhelmed with should’ves, could’ves, would’ves…didn’ts.

All of this has kept me from going after goals and dreams I have, as a person, a mom, a friend, a partner and as The Orange Rhino.

So these orange clothes?

They were my first step towards fighting self-doubt and all the other overwhelmed feelings I have going on.

They were my first step towards reclaiming an ounce of my lost confidence.

They were my first step towards getting the ball fully rolling again.

They were my first step towards reclaiming part of the person I was before I stopped writing.

Impulsive? Yes.

Thought about for months on end and wished for ?

Also Yes.

So maybe not so impulsive after all.

Yesterday, as I went through all the packages, I came to one that clearly was not clothes. I didn’t recognize the return address and was all “huh?!” I assumed it was yet another random thing I ordered from Amazon, but alas, couldn’t be farther from the truth. It was WAY better.

It was YOUR new book! What an amazing, pleasant, and PERFECT surprise. And a sign. And a gift. And can we just say, is it not ironic that a book with a cover that says “Soul Shift: The Weary Woman’s Guide to Getting Unstuck & Reclaiming Your Path to Joy” was amidst all of my orange clothes, that were basically trying to do the same?!

I am on page 60. I had to put it down because of, well, the tears. Every. Single. Page. Speaks. To. Me. Directly. Not just me, but my heart. It hurts reading it because the pain you acknowledge I connect with, and yet, the hurt is a good hurt because it feels freeing to be seen and understood.

And, most importantly, I feel your nurturing love popping through the pages and I find comfort knowing that you are leading me down the path that I need literally, right now. The hurt is not overwhelming because you write in the most gentle way, which suffice to say, isn’t easy given the topics at hand. Self-worth. Not an easy topic. My self-worth is low. I could win limbo, low. Too low actually. I would drop to the ground, and lose low, now that I think of it.

Again, tears. Prompted by your beautiful book. But I am okay with that. I embrace it actually. I need to, and am ready to, make this journey. I have already started, but I have started it alone so I have stopped and started.

I am so grateful to have your book and you as an inspirational and loving Guide as I continue my way. I see so many of my thoughts in here – the difference though, is you have made it through already.

So much hope I have today. So. Much. Hope. You know what got me to put the book down, what moved me to write to you? The story and exercise about what you are, and what you are not, what roles have been assigned to you and which roles fulfill you.

I have been struggling with this so very much…

Feeling like I have to be what I am not in order to exist.

Feeling like I have to act a certain way in order to be accepted.

Feeling like I have to offer certain credentials to be respected.

Your book has opened my eyes and heart to releasing roles that no longer fulfill me or serve me. Such a gift. And again, I am just on page 60. I can not wait to read the rest. Thank you for this beautiful surprise gift, All my love and congrats and please send tissues, 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why I Disappeared From The Orange Rhino

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A little more about why I disappeared from The Orange Rhino…as you read this vulnerable, unedited, quickly written story, please remember…You all know that I am brutally honest with you – about my ups, my downs, the in-betweens and that I share my stories and random thoughts in hopes of inspiring you, making you feel less alone, and helping you on your own journey to stop yelling. I do not do it for pity/attention/or to make you think terribly about me 🙂 Story below will clarify why this statement is here. Anywho, onward…

* * * When I started The Orange Rhino, my confidence in sharing everything was fine. I felt okay doing that. I knew it helped others not feel alone.

Then my book came out and some not nice things were said about me / my struggles and that confidence took a hit. Big time. I think one of the things I read somewhere was, “Wow, she is really screwed up.” Another one, “she’s just a mom, no degree.” (That comment needs a whole post dedicated to it. Is there really such a thing as “just a mom?” Um….no!)

Numerous people (who didn’t even read my book) jumped on the yelling less bandwagon and backhandedly bashed me for not being able to completely stop yelling and how ridiculous my goal was in the first place (to go an entire year.) People made judgments about me without fully knowing my story, my insights, my conclusions. I had been completely vulnerable – and okay doing so – and then I got shamed/slammed/insulted for being so.

I am proudly an Orange Rhino – a parent who when provoked, calmly charges forward with confidence and warmth and not harsh words – but I don’t have the thick skin of a Rhino. The personal attacks were very hard to receive. That is an understatement. Some days I cried. There is one that I don’t share that still bothers me – how many years later? Words hurt, folks. Period.

I know that big picture, I could ignore these words. They were “just words” and I knew my truths. But, the words hurt so much that it made it hard to access that mature part of my mind, the confident part of my mind, the determined go get ’em Orange Rhino part of my mind (as my mom calls it.) I would cry to my mom and she would say, “What would The Orange Rhino do? What would she say?” I couldn’t even access it. I didn’t want to.

I went from being excited to be The Orange Rhino to not wanting anything to do with it.

The Orange Rhino went from a positive place for me to a negative one. What didn’t help was that there were several other difficult things going on in my life so I didn’t have the energy to challenge myself to think like The Orange Rhino.

So all the negative comments I read, they just kept churning in my mind. They became imprinted. I never fully processed them or accepted them so that I could put them behind me. I have tried over the last six months or so to process the comments because I was tired of them renting space in my head and because I wanted to somehow find my way back to being The Orange Rhino. I made progress, because, well, here I am.

But here’s the thing…those comments? They weren’t verbal. They were posted on the ever-loving-Internet forever to be seen, forever to be accidentally stumbled upon in a google search. I can’t escape them. Which brings me to yesterday. I have been trying to do some Orange Rhino stuff and it is hard for me, because again, can’t escape the comments.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon one of the comments, the most hurtful one. Immediately, negative thoughts raced through my head:

Maybe I shouldn’t have returned?
Maybe those people were right?
Maybe they are better than me?
Maybe I don’t have anything to offer?
(Insert insecure comment here: you might be thinking, for real, this is her response to some negative comments? The answer is yes, being publicly shamed for being brave and being you, sucks.)

I felt my body shrinking at the computer. I suddenly felt tired. I wanted to just stop and give up and walk away. Fortunately, I needed to do just that because my kids needed to be picked up 🙂 I got into my totally awesome minivan, and the radio came on.

And I kid you not, the lyrics that belted through the radio?

“I’m unstoppable…
I’m invincible…
I’m so powerful…
I’m so confident…
Yeah, I’m unstoppable today…
Unstoppable today
I’m unstoppable today
Break down, only alone I will cry out loud
You’ll never see what’s hiding out
Hiding out deep down
Yeah, yeah I know,
I’ve heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I’m too afraid now
Yeah, yeah I put my armor on,
show you how strong I am
I put my armor on,
I’ll show you that I am I’m unstoppable”
Song: Unstoppable by Sia

I mean, for real?!

This song came on and started at the precise moment when “I’m Unstoppable” was first heard? I never read the lyrics until this morning. And holy shit. Did they hit hard.

So here I am. Afraid to share, but armor on. I will keep trying to charge forward with confidence and be strong and share – because I want to. I truly want to. I will have ups and downs. That is life.

But I’m Unstoppable. I won’t let negative comments take me down. (Okay, I don’t totally believe that. But it came off of my fingertips so clearly my mind WANTS to believe that.

So I will try to. Perhaps you can too? I’m Unstoppable. So are you. You want to stop yelling at your kids? I believe you can. I believe it is possible. I know it is possible. You are Unstoppable. (Apparently fighting amongst siblings who are now awake is also Unstoppable so off I go…no editing, just hitting Post because otherwise, I never will.)

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino