*Trigger warning, perhaps grab tissues, I know I should have* I wasn’t able to keep up with all the supportive comments yesterday as I received some devastating news midday. Oddly enough, it was right in keeping with the message of yesterday’s post – BE KIND. Every December I write a post (shoot, and here come the tears again, they kinda haven’t stopped since yesterday afternoon) about the first Christmas after I got divorced.
I got divorced in November. It was either a few days before or after Thanksgiving. How’s that for timing? Needless to say I wasn’t really feeling the holiday spirit and if you have followed me long enough, you know I LOVE Christmas. Like, it’s my favorite time of year. It was hard that year though, for obvious reasons. I felt lonelier than ever. I felt worse about myself, than ever. I felt more doubt about my future, than ever.
I felt more down, than ever. So yeah, it was hard knowing Christmas was coming and that I wasn’t in the spirit? Well that just made it harder. I didn’t want to miss out on something so important to me. I just couldn’t lift my own spirits. Christmas for me isn’t about getting presents; it’s about creating magic and memories for and with my kids.
That said, it is nice to receive at least one gift and know that someone is thinking of you, you know? I knew that year, there wouldn’t be any presents for me under the tree when I came down Christmas morning. I knew I would have to wait until my parents arrived later that afternoon. This was a hard pill to swallow and it was bringing my spirits down even more. Right before the holiday break though, a package was delivered to my door.
I was PTO president that year and had become close with the Principal. We shared a lot in common. She too was going through a divorce. She too loved talking about leadership and obviously education. She too had children with ADHD. And she too, clearly liked to do nice things for others because the package was from her. “DREAM.” How appropriate. That is what the handwritten ornament said that laid on the coziest blanket I had yet to own.
Included was also a gift card to Barnes & Noble, Victoria’s Secret, and one to Dunkin’ Donuts. It was a gift basket inviting me to get some cozy pajamas, a hot cup of coffee and then curl up and read a good book. It was a gift to ensure that when I was by myself over the break, I had something to do…that I wasn’t totally “by myself.” The tears came to my eyes then, as they do now, the minute I saw the gift. The thoughtfulness was second to none.
That was in 2016. Nine years ago and it still, STILL warms my heart. That gift got me through my first Christmas divorced. That gift made me
*feel seen
*feel understood
*feel supported
*feel a heck of a lot less alone.
That gift gave me a “flicker of light,” to get through the holiday season. It was the nudge I needed to keep going on the hard days, the days I wanted to crawl back and in bed and hide or just bawl my eyes out.
That gift was a lifeline. It invited me to dream of the future; of better moments, of better days, of better feelings. I learned yesterday that the gift giver passed away unexpectedly. My heart broke when I read the news. I used the phrase “flicker of light” directly from her obituary.
Turns out, she had been the recipient of many “flickers of light” in her own life, during many of her own challenges, of which she had plenty and honestly, way too many. Her family was as grateful to those who gave to her, as I was to her. It was those “flickers of light” that kept my “gift giver” going for all the years that life tried so hard to weigh her down. She was often misunderstood.
But to me? Well, I understood her. And to me she had been nothing, absolutely nothing, but kind, thoughtful. To me, she had been one of the few people willing to listen to me. BE REAL during a REALly hard time. There aren’t a lot of people who have the heart, the courage, or the willingness to do that. I will never, ever forget that gift. I won’t forget the physical gift either, but the gift of letting me be real? Of letting me feel seen and understood? I won’t forget that either.
So I repeat, Be Kind, you never know the power or impact of one small action. And to my gift giver, one last thank you. Thank you for the gifts, and thank you for doing what you loved to do in your last days – teach. Although I wish your passing didn’t have to be what made me really, REALly come to full realization of what I wanted to do with my life, it did.
You taught me what my heart has always wanted and gave me the clarity I’ve been seeking for years. You gave me a final gift. Thank you, again. Your kindness of spirit will continue, I promise. Rest in peace. You deserve it. And to everyone here in this community, thank you for being here. Thank you for being kind, because I know you are. You always show such kindness to me and to everyone here through your comments.
Here, I
*feel seen
*feel understood
*feel supported
*feel a heck of a lot less alone and that, well that is just amazing. I hope you feel the same.
Sending my warmth, to go with your strength, today and always, and today I also send the reminder that it’s okay if you aren’t feeling strong today. Here, here you don’t have to be. Here, you can breathe, be at ease, and let your guard down. You don’t have to have it all together here.
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
To everyone who is new here since yesterday, welcome and sorry for such a heavy post as your introduction to this community!
That said, this is me! I write about everything on my heart. I don’t hide. I believe in being real and I don’t really know any other way;) Besides, I know that we must experience the ups and the downs in life; the grays and the oranges so that we can truly live the life we want and be the person we want. We need the warm, uplifting orange moments to make the grays bearable and the grays well, gray happens. We can’t ignore them.
We need to acknowledge them and move through them so they don’t grow and cast a huge shadow on the bright, orange moments.
