Category Archives: Overwhelm & Stress

Constant Overwhelm and ADHD: What Helps When I Can’t Think Straight

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One of my biggest challenges is that I am *almost always* in a constant state of overwhelm, and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t feel good at all. The stress. The shame that I can’t manage better. The stress and shame combined leading to me being cranky. Blech. I do not like being overwhelmed, not one bit. Oh, let me count the ways. (And then share my new solution lol!) I often can’t think straight because one thousand thoughts of everything that I need to do, should do and want to do are barreling at my mind full force, fighting for the little free memory that exists.

Then, when the thoughts that do get through capture some memory space, my brain struggles to prioritize, like BIG TIME struggles. Thank you ADHD!

Prioritizing has never been a strength. Well, I always prioritize the people in my life and doing things to make them feel special and loved. That always comes first, without a doubt.

Someone needs celebrating? Priority.
Someone feels down? Priority.
Someone needs support? Priority.

I’m happy that I prioritize my people first. That feels good. That aligns with who I am.

So I’m cool with this even though sometimes it leads to feeling even more overwhelmed in other aspects of my life as key things get dropped for a bit longer than they should. Speaking of which, let’s add another layer to my overwhelm. I often put off, avoid, put my head in the sand, pick a phrase any phrase to talk about how I don’t do what I need to do when I feel overwhelmed. Yep. That is super duper helpful!

So now, we have several layers in this overwhelming situation. Let’s list them out. I mean if I am going to write about overwhelm, I should at least make it feel overwhelming, no?! We have:

Too many thoughts (start of overwhelm).
Little memory space to remember said thoughts (overwhelm kicks up a notch).
Struggle to prioritize (thank you ADHD…even more overwhelming).
Avoidance of thoughts that do get remembered and prioritized (wicked overwhelmed by now!).

Now to be fair, I do also have the following skills, amongst others, I try so very hard to put to use to overcome overwhelm:

Remind myself I can handle this.
Go outside, get fresh air, take a break, maybe even exercise.
Pick one task, break it down, go bit by bit, celebrating each success as I go.
Remind myself it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get to something today; somehow I always get done what needs to!

The thing is…it is SO hard sometimes to remember all those lovely things when I am in a wicked overwhelmed state.

So the other day, as I was walking, I told myself, “Sheila, you need a saying to keep yourself from getting to a state of complete overwhelm. You need a saying to help you not avoid things in the first place because this is out of control. You don’t feel good. This stress isn’t good.”

Here are a few I came up with. I think I’m liking the first one.

“Avoiding only advances Overwhelm.”

“Ignoring invites Overwhelm.”

“Procrastination procreates Overwhelm.” (Hahaha. Not a fan of this one but it made me laugh as it came to my mind!)

Do you have a saying that keeps you from avoiding things? That helps you not feel overwhelmed?

Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed with the end of the school year and the start of summer. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

*another unedited, stream of consciousness, unscheduled post shared to show how I’m processing the daily challenges of life so that I keep living the life I want to live, instead of feeling stuck in the muck #adhdinwomen #4kids #overwhelmed

Part 1: I Blew Out My Christmas Tree Lights Because I Wouldn’t Take a Break

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The strand flickered when plugged in. I ignored the warning sign. It was just a flicker, right? Besides, I wanted to be done. I had so much to do. I didn’t want to take a break. I didn’t want to be slowed down.

The result? I blew out 3 strands. I had to start over. Not taking a break actually slowed me down. I should have taken the break. Come back Monday, for Part 2: When Fuses Blow…

In the meanwhile, take that break today my friends, no matter how hard. It doesn’t have to be literal, it can be doing something restorative for you. Do tell! I’m going to get a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha to get in the holiday spirit 🙂 Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Survival Mode Is Not a Personal Failure

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A moment of real honesty: I am not currently thriving. I am in survival mode. And I struggle with that some days. Carry shame around it even. There is so much unspoken pressure to thrive. To strive even. To not be in survival mode. I go on Instagram and these messages bombard me. 

Are you in Survival Mode? Here’s how to get out!

Are you Thriving? Go you! Rock On!

Are you Striving towards your goals? Why not? Here’s How!

Listen, I am all for these three points. I think you know this about me;) I have nothing against these three points. I have books about all three topics. I love these topics!!!

This is not against them. I repeat. This post is greater than that. I love the feeling of thriving. Who doesn’t? I want us all to have that feeling of flourishing and feeling alive and fulfilled.

And I love me some goals and going after them. I mean, I wrote a book about learning to yell less and how I went a year without yelling 😉 I have been a Type A goal setter probably since I was able to set and go after goals.

And I do not love the feeling of being in survival mode. It’s exhausting, unfulfilling on most days, and makes my body just feel cruddy all over. Hello migraines, knots in my back, blurry vision, memory loss, decision making fatigue. I could go on and on and on. And at the same time, I’m not a fan of how these words are being presented to all of us. There needs to be an asterisk, a qualifier. A more realistic, honest statement after them.

Here’s my take. I accept that there is one common denominator in all three of these words: Thrive, Strive, Survive. The thread? the three letters I-V-E. Which are all part of the word LIVE. To me part of the definition of TO LIVE means to Thrive some days, To Strive towards goals most days and To simply Survive other days. All three modes are NORMAL and a part of LIFE.

There is no shame if I am in survival mode and there is no extra glory if I am in thriving and striving mode. I go in and out of all three modes constantly. While I love striving and thriving, I do not always need to, nor is it necessarily good for me. And while I accept being in survival mode at times, I know I can’t stay there because that too isn’t good for me.

This week has been a blending of Surviving and Striving to get out of survival mode. Hopefully next week will feel more like Thriving. Who knows. I just keep moving forward-ish.

What I do know is that this morning, I momentarily felt uninspiring because I have been “just” surviving* and then I remembered THAT IS OKAY. I am Surviving. I AM LIVING. I am showing up. I am still charging towards the life I want…which is one where I no longer let the obstacles overwhelm and overshadow my days so much that I miss out on the good that still shines bright.

So sure, I feel blech about life this week because I am “just surviving” but honestly, that in itself is inspiring. Life can be hard. Parenting is hard. Remaining determined, courageous, hopeful through it all? WHICH ALL OF YOU ARE…inspiring. Sending warmth and strength to you today – to live your day today without shame of where you are on your journey today. Surviving, Striving, Thriving…You are Showing up and Living and Moving Forward and that my Friend is Awesome.

*If you too are in survival mode, but it feels more heavy than just survival and just a phase, please reach out to an expert for support. Life is hard and complicated and all those who love you, need you.

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Learning to Re-Charge So I Don’t Charge (by Yelling)

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I sat down at the kitchen table and mumbled, “Finally, sitting down for the first time today.”

And then I part laughed, part sighed to myself.
This wasn’t the first time I was sitting down.

I sat in the minivan driving for an hour.
I sat at the soccer game for an hour and a half minus a walk to the bathroom.
I sat in the minivan earlier, not just driving to the soccer game, but driving this kid here and that kid there.
I sat in the same spot writing the grocery list before that.
And before that I sat helping a kiddo with their homework.

In fact, I did a lot more sitting than I liked that day. A lot more. Why was I so excited to be sitting down…again? Didn’t all the sitting down earlier in the day count? Wasn’t it exciting?

I have this elusive belief that “finally sitting down” = rest.
But honestly, that is hardly what it means in my life.


Rarely does sitting down ever mean rest if I am in mom mode; or even if I am not in mom mode but my kids are awake and I am waiting to be in mom mode.

Sitting down at the dinner table?
My mind is still going and I am keeping the peace and working with my children how to resolve their conflicts on their own so we can have a civilized meal

Sitting down in the car?
I am asking for a little quiet so I can focus on the directions to the field in the middle of absolutely, positively nowhere.

Sitting down doing math homework?
I don’t think I need to explain that and I am a math dork and this stuff isn’t straightforward anymore.

Sitting down watching a tv show?
I am interrupted with dog barking, a sudden need from someone in my house, etc…Honestly I am making a shirt that says, “A mom at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by a child.” Trademarking that now.

Sitting down by myself, kids all out and about?
The phone rings because someone needs to be picked up early.

This isn’t a bad thing. I love all of the times sitting in the car with my kids (okay, most all.) I love helping them and attempting to have family meals together. We will get there…. And also, it just isn’t exactly restful. It’s exhausting sometimes and it takes a lot of energy.

The only time my mind is at rest is when I am asleep and even that isn’t a guarantee. See Exhibit 4:58 am when I woke up before my alarm. And the only time my body is truly at rest when sitting? Is if I actively make it be and that, lol, takes work too…so then my mind isn’t at rest either.

Good news? I am aware of this predicament. I am actively working to be more restful when I can be during the say. See Exhibit photograph. The Orange Rhino is TiredI’m tired. My face isn’t healing well from skin cancer surgery. I’m getting irritable. I continue to put “intentional rest” on my priority list, or in Orange Rhino language, re-charging.

I am actively working on boundaries at home too – if I am sitting and resting – leave me be for a bit.  There’s another product. I’m going to make a hat and the back will say: “Re-charging. Do not Interrupt.” I will put it on, go to my kitchen table, sit down, put my head down, and let my message read loud and clearly.

Today, this is going to be hard. It’s go-go-go from 8:00am until 10:00pm (yeah, club volleyball is back!) So next small step? Look at my calendar and find just 5 minutes to take a break and re-charge. I can find five minutes. Or even five, one-minutes scattered throughout the day. What about you?

Sending warmth and strength today to you as always,

Love,
The Orange Rhino

Feeling tired too? Needing to re-charge? Join us in The Orange Rhino Community where we support each other and connect daily – one of the best forms of re-charging there is!

Life Charges at Us: Why I Need to Recharge Before I Can Take Charge

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Life Charges at us sometimes. In so many, many different ways. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is just a fact of life. Unexpected life changes. Children having wicked tough days. Family emergencies. Personal emergencies. BACK TO SCHOOL go-go-go preparations! It can be a lot. And that was a short list!

Time to Re-Charge so we can Take Charge (of what we can.) Just a little Monday morning thought given “The Orange Rhino” and all and one I have been playing with and reminding myself of when I feel life charging at me. Re-charge Sheila so you can Take Charge!

Did you know Rhinos charge because they feel threatened, provoked, triggered? Parents charge vis-a-vis yelling for the same reasons. Hence how I identified with a rhino years upon years ago lol.

I added the orange for much needed warmth, confidence, and positive energy and because I didn’t want to charge/yell.

I added four pink birds, one for each of my sons, to represent love, community support and because well, I love the color pink;) But the more and more I think about it, The Orange Rhino truly is about more than yelling and parenting.

When I used to yell, while on the surface it seemed I was triggered in the moment by my kids, I was really triggered/threatened/provoked by LIFE, which yes, includes people in my life. Which yes, also includes ME which was my major conclusion years ago. In my book, I wrote that “It’s not you, it’s me” meaning the kids weren’t the trigger, it was me.

Still stand by that, in the sense that if I wanted to stop yelling, I had to look within instead of out. Now, I expand. I need to look within, and then look out again. I have spent the last year, and a few years prior looking out at my LIFE. What in my life feels threatening? Real or imagined? What in my life triggers me? From my past? My future? What in my life provokes me? To think? To act? To want to fight – sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much?

I can learn from all the moments that make me want to charge…and all the moments when I feel life charging at me. And I can make sure to re-charge myself as much as possible –> so that I am ready for said “want to charge moments” –> so that I remain warm and loving and respectful. Oooh, here’s another one. So that I remain positively charged;) and have a productive interaction –> so that I can then use what I learned and “take charge” of my knowledge and move forward. Clearly so many fun ways to use the word charge that aren’t negative!

Speaking of charging, my darling sons are waking up and as lovely and “grown up” as they are, without food in them, there will be some legit charging at each other. Puberty and hormones and four teen boys is just, um, A LOT.

Sending warmth and strength to you all today, as you start your week! Remember to re-charge every now and then so you can take charge and have the day you want. If it looks to be a cruddy day, take charge of the moment to find some joy – a funny video, a good chat with a friend. Add some good to the crud! And if you aren’t feeling positively charged at all, that’s okay. Some days are like that. Happy Monday!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

#TheOrangeRhino #yelllesslovemore #theorangerhinochallenge #rechargetotakecharge

How I Stayed Motivated When I Wanted to Quit

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“Are we there yet?” Except it wasn’t my kids saying it, it was me thinking it, which believe it or not, is just as exhausting to hear! Why? Because the real question I was asking,

“Am I there yet? Am I done?”

I was exhausted responding to my mental questioning and trying to keep myself motivated.

I just didn’t have it in me yesterday.

I love my walks, truly, especially this time of year but yesterday for some reason, I just couldn’t fully get into it and well, I just wanted to take a short cut and go home. I was getting bored. I was getting antsy. I was slowing down. Even my favorite podcast wasn’t motivating me.

I just wanted to stop pushing myself to achieve my goal of an hour towards a healthier me. But did I really? No, of course I didn’t. But oh I was close. The stairs to home were right there. Calling me, “Come on Sheila, come home. It’s all good.” It would have been easy to just go left, climb the stairs, and call it a day. But then I would have been disappointed in myself and that wouldn’t have been easy.

Just then, a woman ran past me on the track, from the other direction. And it hit me, what if, what if instead of “giving up early” or “short cutting” what if I just changed direction? What if all I need to keep going was a new view, a new perspective? What if I turned around and simply started walking the other direction, following the woman?

So I did.

And wow. Same place. Same track. Same me. New view.

GORGEOUS view.

Expansive view.

Peaceful view.

I found myself re-motivated to keep going. And going. And going. I finished my hour easily. And with so much satisfaction and pride.

I didn’t short cut my goal (or myself); I achieved it – all I had to do was change direction.

This realization was powerful, and simple, and well, familiar. So often on the way to achieving goals, I get stuck. When I do, it is hard to remember to change it up, to try something new, to find a new perspective. But when I do, voila! My mind opens and I become unstuck and I reach a new level of motivation or problem solving.

If you are trying to yell less…
and finding yourself wanting to give up, don’t give up on the goal, just change direction. Perhaps choose a new trigger to work on. Or choose a new mantra to help you in tough moments. Or start giving yourself grace if you haven’t yet, remembering you are human and the goal isn’t perfection. Just try something new.

If you are trying to improve your connection with your teens…
and want to give up and accept it will always be this way, don’t give up on the goal of a close connection, just change direction. Perhaps try a new time of day to connect. Or a new means of communication, perhaps a hand written note? Perhaps over Dunkin’ coffee instead of in the house? Or simply cook a favorite meal that says, “I love you” and leave it at that.

If you are trying to achieve a life goal…
and you want to give up, don’t give up on the goal, just change direction. And this is where I am struggling so these next words should be interesting and fun to read. Perhaps I should try a new perspective. Perhaps I am looking at the challenges I am facing in the wrong light. Perhaps I need to add some new tools to my motivation and resilience mindset. Perhaps I need to simply slow down and accept the speed of the process, much like I appreciated the view around me as I walked the new direction. Hmmmm….

Whatever meaningful goal you are going after, itsy-bitsy, small, big, gargantuan, if you feel like giving up on it, don’t.

Simply change direction, change your mindset.

Same goal, new approach.

It won’t be easy, but then again, not going after a goal that matters to you won’t be easy either.

(And yes, there are times when our heart knows that it is indeed time to stop or even to take a pause, a break. That isn’t giving up. That is honoring your instinct and yourself. Your heart will know which direction to go. Trust it. And yes, Sheila, read your own words and take them to heart, will you?!)

Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,
~
Warmth because it is Monday and who doesn’t need some warmth at the beginning of a week?
~
Strength because going after goals is hard, hard work. Fulfilling work, but hard work. It takes determination, courage, often times composure, and strength.

You are resilient. More resilient than you realize.

10 Ways I Yell Less When Life Gets Extra Busy

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As we go into what I am sure will be an extra busy weekend for many – being the weekend before Christmas and the 1st night of Hanukkah – I thought I would share some of my top 10 tips for Not Yelling at your kids. I am gonna warn you though – the list might not be what you expect.

When I challenged myself to go an entire year without yelling at my kids (then ages 5 and under), my assumption was that I was going to learn how to “improve” my kids’ behavior, how to get them to listen better, respond faster, fight less, and all that stuff so that they gave me less reasons to yell.

Because you know they were the majority of the problem – or so I thought. I quickly learned, by tracking when and why I yelled, that while some of their behaviors were indeed triggers, a lot of these triggers came from me and own crap. The whole “It’s not you, it’s me” stuff. I quickly learned that while I was indeed triggered by their not listening, the yelling wasn’t because of the trigger – the yelling was because I wasn’t in a place to manage the trigger!

The real trigger was me.
My mood.
My problems.
My life.
My past.
Blech.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids’ behaviors could (is!) still be triggering, but in learning to not yell, I had to look at the whole picture and find solutions to all the triggers. And what I have really come to learn since my book came out and I was forced to reflect on what was next, is that what happens all the many moments before “the yelling trigger” are just as important as the exact moment you want to yell.

Just think about it. I hate using battle as an example but…no, I just can’t. I need to come up with something better.

Okay – pick any big moment.
Job interview.
Breaking up with someone.
Going to divorce court.
Meeting with a friend over a personal issue.

How well you handle that tough emotional moment depends on so many things – but how you go into it, how calm, confident, prepared makes a world of difference. Of course there is only so much one can do to control everything before the tough moment.

I mean knowing me – I can do everything I do to be mentally ready – and then do what I do best and slip on non-slippery pavement and fall into the smallest puddle ever and spill the one drop of coffee left on the one white polka dot on my shirt – and then become all frazzled and poof! Mental state begone BUT my mental state will still be way better than if I had done nothing to be in a good place.

So with that said…some of my top things to prepare for / handle yelling moments:

BEFORE the DESIRE to YELL – setting up for success 

  1. Identify what problems might arise and problem solve (for me – malls are hot and crowded and make me cranky so now I wear t-shirts. No joke. And I always leave the jacket in the car. Carrying it makes me even crankier.) Also, practice. What will you do? How will you respond? What will you say? Knowing is MORE than half the battle 😉
  2. Drink lots of water and eat balanced meals (Kids and parents, alike!) – I know, this is annoying to freakin’ read but it is relevant. I do not want to get into a nutritional debate. But, hanger is a real thing. Dehydration doesn’t help. I have learned as I have aged that Pizza and I? We had to break up. It was tragic. One of my worst breakups ever. Pizza truly made me cranky. I have also broken up with ice cream sundaes. And bagels with cream cheese. My world is a little less without these foods BUT the few moments of joy they brought me were increasingly LESS than the crankiness and bickering that came after.
  3. Exercise (parents and kids alike, again!) – Moving the body, works wonders, endorphins and all that good stuff. Plus if done together, connection and sometimes even problem solving because it is easier to share problems walking next to each other not staring into each other’s eyes 😉
  4. Do something relaxing / enjoyable for even just a few minutes – doesn’t matter what. When my kids come home every other weekend, it is super stressful. Really hard. I always try to sit and do something just for me for 5 or 10 minutes beforehand. It can be anything – think out of the box. What makes you happy? Just think about that. Think about a favorite memory. A future trip.
  5. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. It truly is medicine. TRIGGER is totally STARTING to get to you.
  6. Find a baby picture – or a happy picture – remember your child is indeed a sweet, loving, innocent child. They aren’t trying to be bad. They are in need and don’t know how to better communicate. Happy pictures also release endorphins.
  7. Release it and “yell” productively and proactively – but say something totally and utterly different. OOGASCHMOOGABOOGA!!! This was an old one, but a favorite. It made us all laugh because it is ridiculous sounding and fun to say. If I opened my mouth to yell I would pause and then burst into that. Took practice – but getting out the yell productively, released that emotion. The intensity needs to get out – let it out or it will come out in other not so good ways! Also – yell into the freezer (cold air, works wonders), get your kids and run around outside yelling while playing tag or whatever (bonus – fresh air and exercise)
  8. Turn the lights down – two effects (1) makes kids stop because they are all what the heck just happened so not only have they stopped you have their attention and (2) it reduces sensory overload and induces a more relaxing environment oh and (3) forces a pause for everyone which gives you a chance to re-group mentally.
  9. And now a trick brought to you by my therapist. 5-4-3-2-1 senses. Notice 5 things you can see – 4 things you can hear – 3 things you can smell – 2 things you can touch – 1 thing you can taste. I apply the senses to any number but the point is all senses assigned to a number. This brings you into the present moment which again, allows you to re-group and respond instead of yell.
  10. Remind yourself: it isn’t an emergency. Yelling isn’t needed. Yelling won’t truly work – it won’t truly de-escalate the situation, it won’t motivate long-term, it won’t build a connection to prevent the same situation from happening again. Yelling will likely make things worse. Yelling really isn’t what you want to do. This tough moment will indeed pass AND You can get through it – and will get through it – without yelling because you, you my friend are a freakin’ Orange Rhino.

A strong, determined, peaceful and powerful person. So go head, respond – really, problem solve – that really annoying trigger without yelling – use a quiet voice because kids have to work harder to listen.

 xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

How I Stop My Cranky Moods so I Yell Less

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(Audio version included!)

Y’all. Yesterday…yesterday was a crap day. Within ten minutes of waking up, I felt a storm coming. I am not talking about a weather storm (although I do always feel those comin’ in my knees….)

Nope, I am talking about a cranky mood storm where I just feel off and can’t precisely figure out why so I end up snapping more and sometimes even yelling more than I like. I felt agitated.

I couldn’t focus and when I could I wasn’t productive.

I felt exhausted but knew I wasn’t tired. I didn’t have a pep in my step even though I had done the things that normally give me energy.

Although I didn’t know what the heck was going on with me, I knew for certain that if I didn’t get ahead of this storm and prevent it from happening (or at least tame it a bit), that it would end up hitting right around 5:00 when all four kids come home hungry, and overwhelmed with exhaustion and school work.

And I knew for certain that my personal cranky mood would most likely spread to the boys (moods, good and bad, are contagious!) and that we would then go from a personal storm to a total, utter sh*t storm. This doesn’t even consider what moods they would be bringing home!

Obviously, a total utter sh*t storm was not desired. I can tolerate an average one, that is just expected around here 😉 but a total utter sh*t storm? No thanks. They suck.

I tried everything I could to ease my crankiness.

I went for a walk (nature is very soothing for me.)
I drank cold water (helps the nervous system amongst other things.)
I listened to happy music (seriously, listen to happy songs and try not to sing along.
I talked to my therapist (perfect day to have that scheduled!)
I sat outside in the sun and imagined a favorite vacation this summer (distraction.)
I made another cup of coffee because I love the smell of it and I hadn’t fully enjoyed my morning cup (find joy wherever)…and I used my favorite minions mug because it brings back happy memories with my boys.

BUT NOTHING WORKED.

Not only did I not want a sh*t storm later, but I didn’t like how I felt and I had so much to do and not being productive was just making me feel worse.

So I went to my back-up bag of tricks to ease my crankiness. I sat down and tried to write. Often when I write, my thoughts kind of sort themselves out. Folks, even this didn’t work! So now I was two levels into my “how-to-uncranky-myself” handbook. Onto the back-up, back-up. I went for another walk to “clear my mind.” No podcasts. No music. No dog to slow me down. Just the sounds around me.

My mind kept telling me, “Sheila, your mood is driven by that damn scale you stepped on this morning! You are working so hard to get healthy (another post) and you aren’t getting any positive feedback from the scale or anywhere. Progress pictures? Not helping. Measurements? Nope. Better mood? Okay mostly but not today. Looser clothes? As freakin’ if.

I wanted to hang my hat on this explanation for my cranky mood so that I could move forward, but I still felt unsettled. And then it hit.

The lack of perceived progress with my weight wasn’t the real issue (although it sure as hell wasn’t helping). The weight of parenting was – I just hadn’t fully allowed myself to process all that was going on with back to school.

The first two weeks of school have been a doozy, as they always are. This year though, there is an added layer (or a thousand) of worry. So, while I wasn’t tired yesterday per say, my mind and body were exhausted. My pep was gone because it has been in overdrive supporting my kids.

I was agitated because well, I love my kids and there is so much I want to do for them/with them to support them and to help them grow into wonderful adults and yet given the strain of the first two weeks, I was starting to wonder if I was getting any of the parenting thing right! AND if I would ever get it right or even close? (Because folks, there is NO complete right way to parent.)

The scale yesterday frustrated me because it didn’t give me positive feedback despite my hard work. This led to self-doubt and the desire to say f*ck it I won’t try so hard. Funny, parenting can be the same. Kids don’t necessarily give you feedback that your hard work is working. There is no guarantee that if you do everything “right,” they will be okay. There are moments, for sure, but they are fleeting. But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. It just means that we have to keep the faith.

And that we have to keep watching our own storms brewin’ so that we can be at our best for them when their storms brew…and hit!

Despite me having this huge moment of clarity on my walk – I still felt cranky. (Normally I feel lighter after such moments; knowing what’s up brings me peace because then I know I can at least make a plan to work through it.)

So, I went to my back-up, back-up, back-up bag of trips and reminded myself,

“It’s all good. Somedays are just hard. Just do your best to get through the day. Go to bed early. Tomorrow brings a new day.”

And I forewarned my kiddos, “Guys – mom is wicked cranky. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just me. So, I am going to try really hard to not snap but if I do, please just remember it isn’t you.”

It took A LOT to get through the evening because my boys brought home a lot with them!  I relied on my original bag of tricks quite frequently – I would pop outside and take breaks, I drank cold water and instead of envisioning a warm, relaxing vacation…I envisioned bedtime 😉

And I listened to my current, favorite uplifting song “Keep the Beat.” The lyrics couldn’t be more perfect…

“All I can do when the road bends…is lean into the curve…and
All I can do…when the tanks run dry…is see what’s in the reserve.”

Orange Rhinos, somedays your reserve will be more full than others. But you always have a reserve – you just need to know when it is going to be needed and how to get there.

RELEVANT TAKE-AWAYS for your Orange Rhino journey to YELL LESS and LOVE MORE:

  • Do you know the physical signs in your body that a storm is brewin’?
  • Do you have a go-to set of things to try to head off the storm so it doesn’t grow?
  • Do you have a game plan for when all else fails?
  • And do you have a back-up for when the back-up doesn’t work?

Don’t fret if you don’t have the answers to any or all of the above, just pick one and ponder it…and remember, tomorrow brings a new day.