Tag Archives: Building The Orange Rhino

When a Conversation About Weight Is Really About Self-Worth

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I hesitate to share this post because I don’t really want to get into my weight and all that but something happened recently that led to a great insight that I want to share. So as you read this realize it really isn’t about my weight 🙂 Okay, onward!

A few weeks before Thanksgiving I saw my primary doctor for my annual visit. She asked me if I had any concerns and I laughed and said, “where do I start?!” I shared my biggest one: my weight. I told her I knew that my weight was of concern given that I was well overweight and that I am pre-disposed to Type 2 Diabetes and High Blood Pressure (already borderline there).

I shared everything that I was doing and that my biggest concern was that despite doing everything “right” nothing was working. She shared my concerns and referred me to a different doctor for a more detailed workup.

The next day I found myself starting to get super frustrated and down on myself about my weight. My mind started to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking and all the “I can’t do this anymore, I am so tired of my weight” but then I somehow, miraculously, said to myself, “You have a plan. Do not worry. You have a plan. You have an appointment with the new doctor and you are going to figure this whole weight thing out. Just be patient.”

Immediately, and I mean immediately, I felt calm. My brain stopped in its tracks and the negative thinking subsided.

The mere statement, “I have a plan” gave me hope.
Gave me reassurance.
Gave me peace.
Gave me calm.
Gave me power.

Never has a statement or mantra worked so well for me. It was golden. I was so excited! Fast forward a week. It is the day of my appointment and I am actually excited for this appointment that is the first step in my plan to help with my weight – to help with my struggle – to help with an area where I am working so hard and getting nowhere and feeling so dejected. This appointment wasn’t about my weight anymore, it was about my well being.

The appointment was a virtual one and actually wasn’t with the doctor. It was with the intake coordinator to figure out who was the best fit in the practice. Two hours before said appointment I got a phone call, “Hi, we have an appointment at 11. I was looking at your BMI and your file and while yes you are indeed overweight (oh thank you very much for that by the way the indeed was really a nice added touch) you aren’t overweight ENOUGH and even though you are pre-disposed to Type 2 Diabetes and have the markers, you aren’t diabetic yet. You don’t qualify for help.”

Folks, I had to even stop typing right now because even writing this story, the disbelief and anger left me without words. I get it – a lot of people need help and the office needs parameters so they can help the most in needed.

But here I am, legitimately also needing help and not able to get it until things get worse. I was so shocked – and so sad and discouraged – that I could barely ask follow up questions. She did say I should follow up with my Thyroid doctor and I told her I had an appointment but not for three months.

She said I could try a nutritionist in the group and I said I don’t need help with that, I am already doing that and it isn’t working. Something in my body isn’t clicking, isn’t working. I need help, I reiterated. I basically only got an, “I’m sorry. Best of of luck.”

I needed help and I was denied it.

I had a plan and it was destroyed.

I was left feeling so incredibly discouraged. Beyond discouraged.

This was weeks ago and I have really struggled since with motivation to keep going with my current plan of eating healthy, exercising, drinking more water, getting good sleep, etc… because it feels like a moot point. It is so hard to work on something without progress, is it not?

 And yet, I need to keep going with this current plan because I know the doctor in three months will ask if I did all of these things. It is so hard to follow a plan that doesn’t really feel much like a solid plan anymore.

Which brings me back to the beginning. I was so excited for my doctor’s appointment because it gave me a plan which gave me hope.

Knowing that I was taking a step in the right direction
– that I was going to have support
– that there would be actual help and tools and guidance
– that I would make progress
– that my challenge would be made easier
– all of this gave me hope and motivation.

And through all of these feelings one thing kept coming to mind. And it wasn’t my weight. It was The Orange Rhino. I don’t want you all to lose hope like I have. I don’t want you all to feel denied of help. I don’t want you all to feel discouraged. I want you all to have a plan to yell less.

So two things:
(1) Track your triggers – notice when and why and where you yell. Because when you have those pieces of information, you can create a plan, a roadmap of how to tackle those moments, those triggers and you can start having an easier time making progress at yelling less and loving more. Trigger awareness will allow you to say to yourself in a moment when you feel discouraged and want to stop trying, “Wait, I have a Plan.”

(2) Coming January (all fingers crossed that I get my sh*t together), in some shape or form, I will be doing some sort of either 30-Day Challenge or Book Club or Trigger Tracking Workshop. Something. I don’t know what. But I can help. And I want to.

So there ya go. Please don’t take away from this post “The Orange Rhino doesn’t like her weight.” Instead take away the powerful mantra, “I have a plan.” And go and start creating one today, one trigger at a time! Go and plan how to manage/respond one trigger today and you will be on your way to yelling less than you did yesterday!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Anxiety Before a Doctor’s Appointment: When Your Brain Makes the Day Harder

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Good morning. It is Thursday. Apparently. It is also December. Apparently. How either of these basic, expected facts are true I do not know. I swear yesterday was just Monday morning and the start to a long week and I swear yesterday was just my 1st day back as The Orange Rhino. I know it is cliche but where is the time going? I need it to slow down.

An update since many of you messaged me. Yesterday’s doctor’s appointment was good. Once I got there. Need to share the before I got there part. So here I was, already a nervous mess, sitting on the train. I decided to open the dr’s medical app to review notes / test results from the past year. Upon opening at 9:23 am, I see that it says “Appointment today at 9:15.” HOLY SH*T I start panicking and crying and thinking “how did I f this up…and I am not surprised I did…I f up lots of appointments lately” and blah blah blah and “now I have to wait another 6 months and this sucks” and more blah blah blah.

Went down the whole rabbit hole of self hatred. I called the office immediately and told them I had the appointment for 11 and that was the reminder I received.

Their response? “Oh yes, but you also had one at 9:15 and you have one at 9:45.” I informed them I was 5 min away from the train station and then would either have to (1) walk/attempt to run in the rain to the appt which would take 20 min at least or (2) fight with everyone for a cab in the rain.

She told me not to worry but to hurry.

So, here I am. Back pack on (I had brought stuff to do in case appt ran late). I check out the taxi line and realize that ain’t happening and I need to get away from the station first.

So I start running. As a mom who had four children. Who apparently needed to pee. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean.

So after running for a solid 6 seconds it was clear: I would NOT be running unless I wanted to have an accident. Swell.

So I walked as fast as I could and then luckily a cab literally pulled up by me (I say literally because it was so close it splashed me lol) and this lovely man jumped out and even held the door for me as I got in. He must have seen the panic in my eyes. I roll up as close to the appt as the driver can get and I start walking as fast as possible again. I arrive and go to the dr and start to check in.

Except I am on the wrong floor. Neurology has three floors in the building and I got mixed up (because I have been to all three!) Anywho, so here I am, just having hauled ass to arrive as fast as possible to be greeted by someone at check in who I clearly didn’t talk to on the phone earlier, because the greeting was: “Yes, lets check you in for your 11 appointment. You are totally on time. You just have two quick tests before your appointment and sometimes day of the app will add those tests as appointments for two hours earlier. You won’t actually do the tests for another 30 min or so. So have a seat.”

FOLKS. At this point, I am dripping in sweat. I was wearing a sweater and a lined rain coat because it was cold!!! Not exactly walk-as-fast-as-humanly-possible / work out type of clothes! I go to the bathroom and dry off using the super comfortable scratchy-aren’t-really-working hand towels and then sit and wait. All my stress just to wait. Ugh.

Silver lining? I made it and the appointment didn’t need to be re-scheduled and another one? I got extra exercise in. The tech called me back and I had my tests done which in layman’s terms test to see if part of my eye is thinning (it shouldn’t be). From what I could tell, the results were the same as May which were the same as February which all means good news.

The Dr. confirmed that she was no longer worried about Glaucoma / vision loss and felt that my thin nerves are my standard. They still need to be monitored every 6 months given other symptoms and test results but now she is more confident and doesn’t need to repeat any other tests or order more MRI’s. (Last February I needed a brain MRI and met with numerous other specialists to understand my vision issues. There was no visual explanation to the thinning or other symptoms which was concerning. I didn’t have a tumor in my brain or behind my eye. Thank goodness.)

This was and is obviously GREAT NEWS. My neuro exam, however, wasn’t completely normal and I need to do more testing. She feels confident that I am experiencing migraines that don’t present as a typical headache…and confident that one diagnosis that a specialist wanted to explore can still remain on the back burner. For now. I have anxiety so just knowing this one diagnosis is still floating out there and isn’t crossed off yet is hard BUT I have learned the following…

Worrying about it now, in this moment, doesn’t do me any good! It just doesn’t. So I am focusing on the fact that apparently it is December and that my favorite day of the year is 24 days away and I want to enjoy every day leading up to it. I am a walking Hallmark movie character – I absolutely love Christmas and all the magic and hope and joy that can come with it. Seriously, anyone know how to get me into a Hallmark movie so I can walk around an adorably decorated town with my hot chocolate in hand and my perfect winter outfit?

Kidding. Kind of. This month reminds me to be present more than others – to enjoy the season of giving, to all. So here is to giving – not just gifts, but also giving patience, comfort, support, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, open-mindedness, hope, laughter, and most importantly love. Love to others and love to ourselves.

Here’s to giving love. (And to good news and not peeing my pants on the way to my appointment!) Thank you all for being here

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

The Bedtime Knock That Reminded Me to Notice the Good Before Reacting

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Okay. So the following just happened and I am still in shock. Quite the antithesis to the start of my day.

I am putting 11 yo to bed. Door is shut. 16 yo comes to door.

Okay, so far normal. But wait. Then he knocked and asked if he could come in?! Normally he just barges in, wakes up 11 yo and I get annoyed.

So the knock totally threw me! I sensed something was up (thank God Orange Rhino me was present so I focused on the good of the knock and not the negative of the interruption) and said, “Sure, come in.”

“Mom, I just wanted to say thank you for the new mattress and for getting the special sheets so I stay cool at night. Thanks for caring about me and making sure I sleep well.”

Whoa. I could have…should have…kept my mouth quiet and said you are welcome but I was so floored that I had to say, “You are most welcome and thank you for appreciating me. It means a lot. May I ask what prompted this?”

Teenager: “I don’t know, I just saw my bed and remembered how well I slept last night and realized I don’t say thank you enough or that I love you enough.”

Oh my word.

Still speechless. And yes, tears totally came to my eyes. There is a light at the end of the teenage tunnel folks. All of our children have the flicker inside of them – it grows especially strong when we see the good. If and when you read this 16yo, love you kiddo! And if and when you all read this, keep the faith! Keep Orange Rhino’ing on because it is worth it.   ​

 xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Why I Stopped Holding Back and Started Writing Honestly Again

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Ok. Raw post coming up. Well, coming now.

A few weeks ago Bounceback Parenting unprompted, made this beautiful video review of my book. Her words brought me to tears because she said how she loved how real and raw I was. I hadn’t been feeling very real and raw with you all (real yes, raw, no) because I had been holding back. I had full intentions of coming on here a few days after her post and writing a very real and raw post about where I went for seven years.

Clearly that didn’t happen…YET. It is coming. The truth is though – the story is a wee bit stuck inside. I sat down this morning to start writing it because I really want to fully share it because some of the questions you all asked this week are hard to honestly and authentically answer without my 7 year story.

Instead of writing I started a timeline of the last 10 years. The minute I got to 2015 (a few months after my book published) I found my fingers slowing down. The thoughts getting stuck. Except for one. I share that thought with you today (after this paragraph) as you go into the weekend so that perhaps you can act on it. The rest of the story will be coming because I NEED to get it out of me. It is just not helping my mood being stuck inside.

So, the one thought that is clear as day and doesn’t hesitate to come off of my fingertips? One of the biggest reasons The Orange Rhino blog and FB took a break was… FEAR.

I let fear win for a long ass time. I don’t regret a lot in my life, but this, this I do. This I really do. Don’t let fear win this weekend. BUT if you do…know it isn’t the end of the world.

Do I regret letting this page go for 7 years? You sure as hell bet I do.

BUT I am choosing to believe that even though fear won, and I regret that, maybe the break was needed and maybe, just maybe, coming back now was the actual plan. That re-starting in 2022 was the bigger picture. Is this true, I don’t know. But I do know that staying in the world of regret does me no good.

So whenever my brain starts to feel upset that I essentially walked away, whenever my brain starts to think what could have been, I let myself feel that (I don’t believe in ignoring feelings) and then I go to the, it’s okay. Maybe this is the time Orange Rhino was supposed to come back.

Showing up here can be hard. That FEAR is like a fifth little bird on my orange rhino back.

But I am not going to feed it. Those birds by the way symbolize my 4 boys. In the real world, they are called oxpeckers – they remove the ticks from the rhino skin which feeds the birds (so rhino helps the birds) and which helps the rhino stay healthy.

So the birds and rhino help each other / feed each other. Those 4 birds that represent my sons can stay. That fifth one – FEAR – I refuse to feed. I know sometimes I might feed it a little, but not enough that he wants to come back. At least that is my plan.

So this weekend, try not to let FEAR win. Tell yourself you got this. Show up to that tough moment. And charge forward with confidence. And if you don’t have the confidence, fake it. Thank you all so much for being here and for coming back after all these years. xoxo

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

Teenagers, Early Mornings and the Parenting Moments That Make Me Laugh

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Happy Saturday! Is there anything better than waking up at 6am to wake up 2 teenagers to catch a bus to a cross country race?! After the first week of school? I sure don’t think so. I mean for real.

My boys were as sweet as one year olds when you first walk into their room in the morning and they stand up in their crib and start jumping in excitement to see you.

And then their face brightens as their smile spreads from ear to ear and you can just feel the love. Yes. That is EXACTLY how my teenagers greeted me this fine morning. Lol. I still told them I loved them though 😉 and YES that also seemed to agitate them. Hahaha. Love my teenagers. 

Have a great Saturday everyone – remember, you are loved by your kiddos even if you don’t feel it, even if they don’t show it and ESPECIALLY even if you feel like you aren’t nailing this parenting thing.

Showing up and saying I love you and trying your hardest counts more than you give it credit. 

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino