Dear The Hands Free Revolution,
I have known you since the beginning of my journey as The Orange Rhino. I will never forget our phone call – when we actually talked live, as friends do, and I felt seen and understood. You knew what it felt like to be an author; to have a book come out and all the complex emotions that came with it. I was able to be me with you – to share my real feelings, my truths.
Talking to you was a gift. No different than reading your words. This morning, instead of writing first thing, I decided to read your new book, “Soul Shift” and now I am in tears and had to put your book down and write. So here I am.
Recently, I ordered loads of orange clothes for myself. I did it to inspire me, encourage me, force me even, to keep going. To keep writing. To keep reaching towards my goal of showing up as The Orange Rhino. My mental plan: if I have the orange clothes, then I need to wear them. There is no escaping them. No quitting. All the purchases were a bold move, a wee bit impulsive even. Or were they?
I have been overwhelmed with self-doubt lately. Okay, let’s be honest. Who am I kidding. I have been full of self-doubt most of my life. It is kinda how I roll. Not really fond of that. The one time I wasn’t? Probably at the peak of The Orange Rhino before I took my personal hiatus; I was full of joy then.
And I haven’t just been overwhelmed with self-doubt.
I have been overwhelmed with fear of failure.
I have been overwhelmed with pleasing people.
I have been overwhelmed with feeling lost.
I have been overwhelmed with should’ves, could’ves, would’ves…didn’ts.
All of this has kept me from going after goals and dreams I have, as a person, a mom, a friend, a partner and as The Orange Rhino.
So these orange clothes?
They were my first step towards fighting self-doubt and all the other overwhelmed feelings I have going on.
They were my first step towards reclaiming an ounce of my lost confidence.
They were my first step towards getting the ball fully rolling again.
They were my first step towards reclaiming part of the person I was before I stopped writing.
Impulsive? Yes.
Thought about for months on end and wished for ?
Also Yes.
So maybe not so impulsive after all.
Yesterday, as I went through all the packages, I came to one that clearly was not clothes. I didn’t recognize the return address and was all “huh?!” I assumed it was yet another random thing I ordered from Amazon, but alas, couldn’t be farther from the truth. It was WAY better.
It was YOUR new book! What an amazing, pleasant, and PERFECT surprise. And a sign. And a gift. And can we just say, is it not ironic that a book with a cover that says “Soul Shift: The Weary Woman’s Guide to Getting Unstuck & Reclaiming Your Path to Joy” was amidst all of my orange clothes, that were basically trying to do the same?!
I am on page 60. I had to put it down because of, well, the tears. Every. Single. Page. Speaks. To. Me. Directly. Not just me, but my heart. It hurts reading it because the pain you acknowledge I connect with, and yet, the hurt is a good hurt because it feels freeing to be seen and understood.
And, most importantly, I feel your nurturing love popping through the pages and I find comfort knowing that you are leading me down the path that I need literally, right now. The hurt is not overwhelming because you write in the most gentle way, which suffice to say, isn’t easy given the topics at hand. Self-worth. Not an easy topic. My self-worth is low. I could win limbo, low. Too low actually. I would drop to the ground, and lose low, now that I think of it.
Again, tears. Prompted by your beautiful book. But I am okay with that. I embrace it actually. I need to, and am ready to, make this journey. I have already started, but I have started it alone so I have stopped and started.
I am so grateful to have your book and you as an inspirational and loving Guide as I continue my way. I see so many of my thoughts in here – the difference though, is you have made it through already.
So much hope I have today. So. Much. Hope. You know what got me to put the book down, what moved me to write to you? The story and exercise about what you are, and what you are not, what roles have been assigned to you and which roles fulfill you.
I have been struggling with this so very much…
Feeling like I have to be what I am not in order to exist.
Feeling like I have to act a certain way in order to be accepted.
Feeling like I have to offer certain credentials to be respected.
Your book has opened my eyes and heart to releasing roles that no longer fulfill me or serve me. Such a gift. And again, I am just on page 60. I can not wait to read the rest. Thank you for this beautiful surprise gift, All my love and congrats and please send tissues,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
