Why Belonging Has Always Mattered So Much to Me

Apparently, I have always just wanted to be accepted. I have always wanted to belong. To be a part of something. To not be the third wheel. To not be the odd one who overshared her feelings. To not be the one who had to explain herself, why she acted how she did. I realized this yesterday morning and it was a doooozy. Repeat, a doooozy. Total, utter, doozy. Even writing it just now brought tears to my eyes.

Where did this come from? Oh, just a simple question from Rachel, a.k.a. The Hands Free Revolution in her new book Soul Shift. She asked (notice how I write she, not the book, that is how it reads, truly like a conversation with a friend.) The question was about our childhood and happy memories – something like that.

My mind oddly went to, well, there are a few but sh*t, mostly, I just felt left out. I felt different. I felt like I was always trying to be seen for who I was; trying to be accepted for who I was; trying to also hide who I was.

Needless to say, I thought Thursday was hard because I thought I was going to lose you all, my “In Case of Emergency” folks.

Well, yesterday made Thursday look easy. But even though it was hard as heck to realize how much I longed for acceptance as a child – and lets face it – still do as an adult, it was beautiful. I write as tears stream down my face. Tears that are probably 40 something years old. This realization undoubtedly popped out ahead of all other memories as I have been working on acceptance as a core part of the future of The Orange Rhino – so it was really cool to make this connection. And also, really cool for me as a growing person to realize.

I don’t read a lot. Reading is actually really hard for me. Always has been. (Did you know that writing is too? That is why my style is what it is – whatever flows out, flows out.) But I do love to read books that make me think about my life and personal growth. And when I find a book that is amazing, that makes me profoundly think, that makes me fold every page so I make sure to go back and re-read and re-read because the thoughts have stuck with and instantly helped me, my difficulty with reading disappears and I find the stamina to power through. And oddly enough, to do so at lightning speed.

There are literally a handful of books in this category. Books with titles that I never forget, unlike my kids’ names that I seem to mix up daily! My dear Rachel, your book #SoulShiftBook is now in that category along with other New York Times Bestsellers…

Atomic Habits by James Clear
10% Happier by Dan Harris
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Soul Shift by Rachel Macy Stafford

The Hands Free Revolution I kid you not. This book is golden. Y’all, I recall from my last post about this book how many of you have this book on your wish list. I know times are financially tough for many. I also know how impactful this book is and I want you to have it. I want to support you. I want you to feel how I have felt. I know I have said I have felt like crap. Yes, I am saying that.

But remember – I have also said how beautifully freeing it is! I have pre-ordered 3, make that 5 copies because of need, plus my own, because I know how important pre-orders are to Authors and because I truly want to support both Rachel and you. I will send these four copies to the first 6 people that email me at TheOrangeRhinoChallenge@gmail.com with the subject “Soul Shift” and your address included (US only please, sorry!) I ask that you be truly honest with yourself about your need as I know how many emails I will get.

And I also ask, that if like me, you yearn to be accepted, know that here, you are. All my love, The Orange Rhino © 2023

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino

I Yelled at My Teen — and It Wasn’t Really About Him

And…I yelled at my teen this morning. It wasn’t a total, full blown yell. It was just more of me being really grouchy and short tempered and definitely not being the parent or person I aim to be.

And I feel crappy about it. What did he do you ask? What did he not do? What did he say? Not say? Oh, no. His behavior isn’t the reason I behaved the way I did. And perhaps that is why I feel so crappy. He extra didn’t deserve the way I talked to him.

My yelling was entirely driven by me – I triggered my yelling. I am tired and so I was on edge during the chaos of the morning rush. A family of deer was hanging out in my yard last night walking back and forth in front of our Ring camera setting it off and therefore my phone (which I use as an alarm.) And a kiddo was sleep walking so that also woke me up.

And…I am feeling crappy about myself and having negative thoughts thanks to reading some old book reviews. I did so on purpose, but that didn’t make reading them easier.

So my mind was dwelling (I dwell therefore I yell) and not fully present. And…I am nervous. I’m going to be out-right, brutally honest and write something I am probably not supposed to admit to or share but when has that stopped me? I do believe in being an open book because I hope it connects with someone and makes them feel less alone and hopefully better.

The audio version of my book releases one week from today and I’m nervous. Really nervous. For a lot of reasons but mostly because…

I’m nervous that I am going to get another round of negative and nasty comments about me personally – not the book, or the how to stop yelling framework, but me personally.

I’m nervous that people are going to again comment on how screwed up I am, how unbalanced I am, how many problems I have and yada yada yada.

I’m nervous that I am going to want to shut down again from the attacks, from embarrassment, from deep shame.

So combine tiredness, negative thinking and dwelling, and nervousness and yep, I was primed to yell. And I did. Total bummer. I apologized after but still. Sucks. I will talk with him again after school and remind him that I yelled because of me – because I let some stuff get to me. Not just to make me feel better, not just to make him know it wasn’t him, but to show him the power of our thoughts and lack of sleep.

But until then…I need to get to a better place so I am in a good place when he gets home. When they all come home. I feel the negative thoughts hanging out so I am going to find a new thought that I like better…

You know what? I can be nervous AND excited. Necited.

I am excited for new people to hear my story.

Is my book full of vulnerable, honest anecdotes that sometimes show how flawed I am? Yes.

Does it share that I have a disorder? Yes.

Does it show that I deeply struggled with yelling? Yes.

Does it show that my kids struggle sometimes too? Yes.

Does it perhaps show more about me than I would have shared today? Yes it definitely does.

You know what else it shows?

That one can be flawed and struggle with some big triggers and still learn to stop yelling.

And now I am laughing because the joke is on the naysayers – if I am so “screwed up” and can learn to stop yelling, anyone can 😉 But it is true – anyone can learn to stop yelling.

We all already have the ability to yell less. I believe that. I am not just saying it. Is it hard at first? YES. But it is possible and it is worth it. Cliche, I know. And I hate cliches. And I hate that I write them because I sound like such a mom 🙂 But… I just know that so many of us feel alone as parents with all sorts of different struggles and if I can make one of those struggles a little less for you but telling you I believe you can yell less, I’m gonna write it. You can yell less. I know you can. I’ll believe in you and for you until you believe it yourself…

Warmly, The Orange Rhino

P.S. Edited to add, after reading some of your lovely and encouraging comments. Another new perspective I am using today to get to a better place – perspective. The negative reviews are hard for me for personal reasons because I struggle with wanting to please everyone and I let others’ negative thoughts get to me. These two things are triggers – they set me up to yell. SO really, these reviews are gifts.

They are the gifts, working on these personal triggers so that I can yell even less and have an even more peaceful life. Triggers aren’t always bad – look for the beauty in them. Look for what they are telling you and teaching you and what opportunity they offer!

xoxo, Sheila

🧡 The Orange Rhino