365 days without yelling! 

Wow. Wow. Wow.
I did it.
I actually did it.
I went 365 days straight without yelling at my 4 boys.
I think I am shock.
And really tired!

Because this not yelling thing? It takes energy, focus, patience, love and lots of it!

And I don’t just mean energy, focus, and patience to hold myself back from yelling, it also takes all those things to stop and figure out why I wanted to yell in the first place! Did I want to yell just because the kids were “misbehaving” or was it because I was in a bad mood? And in both cases, what was I going to do to create a new plan to resolve those? Oh the questions went on and on and on and oh so did the opportunities to show self-control and not yell.

And as for love, well, I don’t just mean finding love for my kids even when sometimes I didn’t want to (oh say when there was marker all over my house), but I mean finding love for myself.  Taking care of me is such a part of learning to yell less; if mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy! And that means forgiving myself in the beginning days when I did yell and telling myself that I could do it.

I think I exercised parts of my brain and heart this past year that I never knew I even had! Okay well that might not be the best example, but you know what I mean. I hope! Seriously, though, I had to work hard this past year. But I will say this. While it was hard in the beginning, with each moment that I didn’t yell, it became easier, and easier and easier to the point where I lost most desire to yell.  Truly.

And now, here I am 365 days later and I could be happier. All the hard work, all the exhausting and frustrating moments were all worth it because of the loving moments I gained. So yeah, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Wait, I am going to do it again. You all have inspired me to keep going as have my kids. But more on that later. Right now, I am tucking my kids in with a quick kiss, giving the babysitter instructions and going out to dinner with my husband. And when I get back, although I will be tempted to write a more in-depth, thoughtful and thankful post to all of you, I am going to eat some Orange Rhino cake, look at my pretty orange flowers, read the beautiful notes you have posted and probably take a nice, long, well overdue bubble bath. And then I am going to pass out relieved that I made it 365 days without yelling and happy as can be that I made it 365 days of loving more.

Xoxo,
Thank YOU,
The Orange Rhino

363 days of not loving, 2 days of loving more to go! 

Dear Orange Rhinos old and new,

This post is dedicated to you. If I were to meet you on the street or in Starbucks, I would say everything below to you. And as you continue to try to yell less and love more, I want you to remember each of these thoughts because I truly believe them and want you to also.

Best,
The Orange Rhino

*

By now, if you are a mom I am guessing you have seen the recent articles about what not to say to SAHM’s and the inspired equivalent piece, what not to say to working moms. In my Facebook feed I have seen all moms like and share “their” post with the comments, “amen!” “yes!” and “finally!” I am not surprised at all by the enthusiastic response these posts have received. The subsequent blog posts that have emerged also do not surprise me: what not to say to a single mom, what not to say to a mom with twins, what not to say to a mom with one kid. Why am I not surprised by the passionate responses?

I am not the least bit shocked because I have witnessed firsthand that unfortunately as moms, we so often hear unsupportive thoughts that we never, ever want or need to hear again. Unfortunately, as moms, in the absence of frequent, positive support, we passionately rally around the more “negative thoughts.” Okay, maybe not all moms feel this way, but I know that I do! Some days I am passionate about what not to say to me because I question my decision to stay home. Some days I am passionate about what not to say to me because I question my parenting. But most days, I am passionate about what not to say to me because I am putting every ounce of energy and every bit of my heart and soul into being the best mom that I can be and I just want to hear “GOOD JOB.”

Which got me thinking, wouldn’t it be nice to read a post about what to say to moms? I believe that behind all this passion about what not to say are some moms that are doing a great job and who just want to hear that; who just want unbiased support and understanding about how hard it can be to parent.  At the end of the day, ALL moms, no matter what kind of mom you are, SAHM, working mom, single mom, mom of boys, mom of girls, mom of quadruplets, are working hard and we all need and deserve support and positive reinforcement. Parenting is hard. Period. So lets start supporting each other more by saying the following things to all moms.

1. You are doing a fantastic job. I don’t know one mom that wouldn’t LOVE to hear this. Because lets face it, who hasn’t ever felt like they were doing a crappy job? Who hasn’t felt that their mommy friends were better moms? I am pretty sure we have all been there and in those moments, especially those moments, we need to be told we are doing a great job. Even when we are struggling, we are showing up and doing our best and that deserves credit.

2. I admire you. I know I admire every mother I know – each for different reasons. I learn so much from all the moms around me. Sure I am a little jealous too sometimes but in those moments I tell the mom how much I admire them. Again, who doesn’t need to hear that? You never know how much a compliment might help another person.

3. That is a great outfit, but um, you have handprints on you’re a*s and food in your hair. This is a must. If you forget to say all these other things please, just say this! As a mom of four boys I always have handprints on me in the worst places. Please tell me and save me from embarrassment.

4. It’s hard, isn’t it? Don’t you just want to run and hide some days? I know I have but I have been afraid to admit it. Motherhood can feel so lonely at times. When someone said this simple phrase to me, I finally breathed and felt understood and not alone. And when someone said this to me in line as we waited for coffee and I balanced two kids on my hips and felt two tugging loudly on my legs, I felt supported and not judged. It was a beautiful thing.

5. Here, let me help you. Yes, I confess I am not good at taking help but whenever someone offers to hold the door as I push a double stroller through with one more kid on my back and one holding my hand, I’m grateful. I often am too proud (foolish?) to ask for help, even when I need it, so when someone blatantly helps, it’s wonderful.

356 days without yelling, 9 days of loving more to go! 

Dear Perspective,

It’s so nice to have breakfast with you. Whenever I start the day with you by my side, not yelling comes so much easier. I remember that kids are just kids. I remember that spilled cereal isn’t the end of the world. I remember that it’s more important to have a good good-bye than a rushed one. I remember that not yelling is what matters to me more than not cleaning up. Yes perspective, you have been a dear friend of mine during this no-yelling challenge. You are welcome to come for breakfast, lunch and dinner any time. Just know that my house isn’t always clean and that I am an awful cook.

Cheers,
The Orange Rhino

*

I remember crying my eyes out on Thanksgiving this past year. There was a commercial for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I don’t recall the exact details but the message was clear: yes, this little boy just ran into the house with mud all over his shoes but a year ago he was in a hospital bed and didn’t have the energy to even get out of bed. The mud? It doesn’t matter. The fact that he can now walk? That matters. While the main message was all about the power of St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, I took home a secondary message as well.

The Power of Perspective.

This wasn’t a new lesson to me. I realized on Day 3, take 2 (I think) of my Orange Rhino Challenge the importance of perspective. Just tonight I found a half written post about the subject. Why I never finished it I don’t know. Maybe because I knew that the power of perspective had such a profound impact on me that I feared I wouldn’t find the right words to express how I felt.

I wrote this: “Perspective. That’s all I need. 8 out of 10 times I’m yelling for no reason at all. For example, the fact that #3 is learning to feed himself is more important than the fact that the baby just crawled in the syrup that dripped off the piece of waffle that fell on the table after it fell off the fork.” I didn’t finish the middle of the post but did write an ending:

“Somehow I made it through today without yelling. And trust me, today the odds were stacked against me. But I did it. And I think it is all because of Perspective. I stopped and looked at things differently and that made all the difference.”

Here I am 353 days after that initial attempt at a post still struggling to find the perfect words to express just how important the role of perspective played in this challenge and how I went about finding said perspective. And I can’t find all the words. But I can find two.

At least.

These are my two new favorite words.  Seriously. Add it to any moment you want to yell and voila! life seems easier as it is filled with newfound perspective. Here’s a little perspective that keeps me from yelling day after day after day!

“Oh there is syrup dripping on the floor….at least the entire bottle isn’t dripping.”

“Oh he is climbing on the table… at least he isn’t hanging by the chandelier.”

“Oh he destroyed his bedroom…at least his brothers didn’t copy him.”

“Oh my life is so crazy with three kids with different therapy needs…at least they are in my life to love.”

I could go on and on and on. I think I will, at least for a bit. Here is a little more perspective.

“Ugh. I have 362 days left of this challenge…hey, at least I have gone 3 days that is better than none.”

“Ugh. I yelled today…hey at least I am trying to not yell.”

“Ugh. I still don’t like how this post is turning out…hey at least it will be done and off my mental to-do list that is bogging you down!”

See, at least really works wonders. Does at least not suit your fancy? Substitute any other word or phrase that helps you see spin the situation into positive light. My other popular choice? I’m grateful.

“It seems I have so many triggers…hey I’m grateful that I know who I am and what I need to work on.”

No matter what words you choose, the power of perspective remains the same.

Is it always easy to find perspective when things are rough? Is it always easy to stop and say at least or I’m grateful and keep on going? No, it isn’t. Sometimes the moment is too frustrating to be able to find perspective, to even want to find perspective. And sometimes it takes me longer to find perspective than I wish. Some moments it takes 3 seconds, other times 3 hours, or even 3 days.  But when I finally find that perspective, I truly feel a weight lifted. I feel a sense of peace and calm that allows me to parent with more patience and love. Do I care that if it took me longer than desired to get to that moment, or that it was hard to get there? Nope. Because at least I got there!

337 days of not yelling, 28 days of loving more to go!

Dear Yelling,

You had a very sexy appeal this morning. Oh were you so enticing! Life felt hard and you seemed so easy, like the perfect escape from the madness. But alas, sexy isn’t always better and I am glad I didn’t give in to your attempts to lure me back in.

Best,
The Orange Rhino

*

Today, I just wanted to say f*** it. Screw it. I don’t care. I don’t care about my promise to my boys. I don’t care about The Orange Rhino Challenge. I don’t care about yelling.

Today, I just wanted to SCREAM out loud. I wanted to yell at my son for asking “how are diggers made?” too many times. I wanted to yell at my other son for eating his breakfast too slowly. I wanted to yell at yet another son for spitting. And I wanted to yell at my sweet little baby for screaming all. morning. long. Today I just wanted to scream I can’t do this mothering thing, I can’t do this not yelling thing!

Yes today, this morning, all I wanted to do was scream. And honestly, I contemplated it because yelling would have been so much easier.  SO MUCH EASIER! It would have released some of the stress I am feeling. It would have stopped them in their tracks. It would have made their behavior halt…for at least 30 seconds.

But then the behavior would start again. Because it always does.  Yelling doesn’t stop behavior permanently, it doesn’t even teach new behavior. It’s just a very very small stop gap. The only change this morning when the behavior started up again would be that in addition to them doing their so-called annoying behavior I would be feeling guilty inside. Guilty that I lost it. Guilty that I didn’t find self control. Guilty that I yelled at them for no real reason at all.

And that mama guilt does me no good. It just makes me more stressed, more pre-occupied, more down. And right now, I so don’t need that! I don’t need the extra mental burden – it will just make it hard to get things done, it will make it hard to stay calm with the kiddos, and it will make it hard for my kiddos to stay calm because they will sense my mood and feed off of it, driving me bonkers and wanting to yell more.

So while yelling might seem easier, it really just makes everything HARDER.

Yelling does me no good.

So I told myself that this morning. Over and over and over again. I sounded like a broken record and I even wanted to scream at myself to shut up, but I didn’t care. I knew I couldn’t yell. I knew I didn’t want to yell. I knew yelling wasn’t an option so I did whatever I could to stay in check.

Was it hard? YES.
Was it exhausting? YES.
But was it ultimately easier than yelling? YES.
Will I be saying “yelling does me no good” all day today? YES

But again, it will keep me in check. And I need that because today, this week, I feel like I am in a giant pressure cooker. And this mama is just about cooked! This mama is just about to let out lots of steam with a big ‘ole yell. Not because of the kids but because of life.

So again, yes. Yes, I will tell myself  “yelling does me no good” all day. And when that wears on me I will spice it up with one of my other popular statements…

“I’m not mad at the boys, I’m just stressed out.”
“I don’t want to yell, I love my boys.”
“You can do this Orange Rhino.”
“Take a deep breath.”
“My boys aren’t stressing me out, life is.”

And of course, the one that makes me stop and laugh,
“You can’t yell, but you can pick your nose.”

Yes I will talk to myself all day with positive comments to keep me on track. Because it works. You might be thinking I’ve lost my mind. Or better yet you might be thinking, wow after 337 days she still has the urge to yell so what’s the point? The point is that life will always be stressful. Sometimes you can change it, sometimes you can’t. And sometimes kids will be the source of stress. Sometimes you can change that, sometimes you can’t. But what can always be changed is me. My reaction to stress. And while these 337 days haven’t made stress magically disappear, and they haven’t completely ridden me of the desire to yell, they have changed ME.

These 337 days have taught ME who to control my reaction to stress; how to keep myself in check so that I don’t unnecessarily unload it on my kids with an awful, gut-wrenching yell.  And that’s the point. I’ve changed. And I still firmly believe that you can too.

*

I survived the day. Even when my 6 year proclaimed “Mom!!! I am so mad at you that I am going to make you made at me and yell and ruin your blog!” I did talk to myself and after my son challenged me I went through my “Favorite Song Friday” blog posts and played every single song. Check ‘em out if you haven’t! The Fighter and Seasons of Love are my favorites…

328 days of not yelling, 37 days of loving more to go!

Dear Orange Rhinos,

This is my best attempt of summarizing how I stopped yelling at my four boys and stopped feeling the awful guilt, anger, disappointment, sadness, and hopelessness inside every single time I yelled. It isn’t scientific and it isn’t backed up by an advanced degree in childhood behavior, therapy, life coaching or any topic you might think relevant to this subject. What it is, however, is an honest, from the trenches account from a real mom and it is something that YOU can do. I am not going to tell you it was easy. It wasn’t. It was hard. BUT it was DOABLE. And I am not going to tell you it is one, single, concrete thing you can do at the moment you want to yell. It isn’t. It is a process and it takes work. BUT again, it is DOABLE.

Good luck!
The Orange Rhino

*

Step 1: Acknowledge that you need to change, Decide that you want to change, and fully Commit to changing. I didn’t just casually do these things, I REALLY acknowledged, REALLY decided, REALLY committed. Changing a bad habit is a big job. It required an equally big amount of energy and focus. I gave The Orange Rhino Challenge MY ALL. I took it seriously, I made it a real priority, I believed in it and myself, and I promised myself I was going to do whatever it took to succeed. 

Step 2: Set a Goal. Yes, 365 days straight is a bit severe but it was a clear and inspiring goal, for me. Pick a goal for you that isn’t too vague, isn’t too overwhelming but is also motivational and measurable. Pick a goal that will help you yell LESS and build confidence. Some ideas beyond 365 days: 30 days without yelling, 30 bedtimes without yelling, 1 week without yelling. For more ideas read this blog post: Forget 365.

Step 3: Share your Goal to Create Accountability. I told my friends and family about my goal in order to make it “real” and not just a casual idea. Yes, it was hard to admit that I yelled too much but I knew it was important to have a group of people to be accountable to and share my progress with.

Step 4:  Create a Support Network. There are four people I wouldn’t have survived this without.
(a) The Pep-Talker: The person you can call when you want to quit who will always tell you not to, that you can do it and that you’re doing great. This is my hubby’s job!
(b) The Texter: The person (people) you can text whenever you feel the urge to yell. Choose people who you know will reply back quickly with a supportive “don’t do it!”
(c) The Children: As in your children. Whenever my boys sense I’m getting ready to yell they say “Orange Rhino!” It works wonders. Wonders.
(d) The Orange Rhino Facebook Community. These are the people who can give you advice, encouragement on bad days, and hooray’s! on good days.  These are the people who will stand by you without judgment, who will remind you that you are not alone and who will inspire you to keep going.

Step 5: Track your Triggers. This is the part no one wants to do, but needs to do! My first 10 days I wrote down on orange post-it notes when I yelled, why I yelled, my mood, my kids mood, time of day etc. Tracking helped me:
(a) Create a mental alarm system that now goes off BEFORE I yell. (ie. Warning! Legos all over floor. You will yell. Prepare yourself for self-control. )
(b) Identify small problems that can easily be fixed and larger problems that can be focused on one at a time (ie. rushing in morning makes me yell, put out breakfast plates at night)
(c) Gain self-awareness that 9 out of 10 times underneath the “triggers” was the real trigger, my mood, and that therefore I needed to focus on my role in the “wanting to yell situation,” not just the kids. (ie. I want to yell because the kids are too loud, but REALLY I’m just tired) and ultimately
(d) Create a preventative measures plan to practice (eat well, exercise, go to sleep earlier, don’t bottle up emotions, etc…)
Read my post on Tracking your Triggers here.

Step 6: Start practicing slowly. Learning not to yell AT your kids is a big change; take baby steps and know that it takes practice! First, I taught myself to yell AWAY from my kids. I stilled yelled, but not at them, not in their faces. Instead I yelled in closets, toilets, cupboards, cars, boxes, shoes, bags. I yelled anywhere BUT at them. After, I trained myself to turn away AND not say the mean words. I let out yells (ARGH!!!!), animal sounds (Roar!), whistles and whatever else came to my voice.  The key here is repetition and accepting that “I can not always control my kids action, but I CAN always control my reaction.”

Step 7: Keep Practicing! After ten days of feeling silly yelling into the toilet and making animal sounds all day, and realizing that I DID have the self control to not yell at my boys, the desire to yell faded. I turned my energy towards (1) finding and practicing new ways to stay calm, (2) identifying, understanding and alleviating triggers, and (3) owning up to my own mood as the REAL source of the problem. Yes, I kept working at everything until I found my groove. For 100 Alternatives to Yelling that I tried, click here.

Step 8: Keep Goal top of mind. I practically decorated the house and myself in orange for a month straight to keep my promise top of mind; and I still do. Serve orange foods, wear orange, post sweet, gentle, “I can’t imagine yelling at that precious” baby pictures in problem areas, do whatever works to keep you focused on your goal.

Step 9: Persevere when you yell. In the beginning I restarted several times. I was discouraged until I started reminding myself that this was a process, that it would take time, and that the upside of yelling was that I learned about a trigger and what response to calm myself didn’t work. I didn’t fail; I just got more data points for how to succeed! Besides, telling myself I failed just made me feel crankier and yell more. So I stopped being so hard on myself, and when I did yell, I forgave myself, apologized to my kids, and promised to keep on trying.

Step 10: Celebrate when you succeed. Any moment I didn’t yell was a success, even if I had yelled moments before, and I celebrated those moments with either a fist pump in the air (yes, I did that!) or posting on Facebook. Everyone needs visual positive reinforcement too; my countdown clock on my blog does that for me. Other ideas for you: Make an orange heart on a calendar for every day you don’t yell, put an orange m&m in a jar for every moment you don’t yell, place an orange post it note on the wall near where you didn’t yell. Get creative but praise yourself!

Step 11: Stop Yelling, Start Thinking, Continue Calmly. And yes, despite all of the above, there are still moments where I feel a yell brewing. And then I turn to this mantra. STOP the Yell. (close my mouth, clench my hands, count to 10). START thinking (what’s the trigger, what calms me down, how can I proceed) and continue CALMLY.

Step 12: Remember that you are not alone, that I believe in you and that I am here to help you!

* It was HARD to learn to not yell and HARD to summarize all I did in a short blog post. If you want more information, comment and I will add it in future blog posts or point you in the right direction! Or read these posts mentioned above:

For goal setting: Forget 365 Days
For tracking triggers, a very useful step: Tracking My Triggers
For alternatives to yelling: 100 Alternatives

324 days of not yelling, 41 days of loving more to go!

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”
~ Anatole France 

*

I had the most magical Christmas. Yes, there were many things that made it wonderful, but there was only one thing that made it truly magical. It wasn’t the twinkling of candles in the luminaire that lined our entire street on Christmas Eve. It wasn’t the twinkling in my boy’s eyes when they saw what Santa left. And it wasn’t the twinkling of the champagne I had at dinner that made Christmas magical. No, it wasn’t any of these things. Instead, it was my oldest son reminding me to believe more often because you just never know what magical thing might take place….

Hope whatever holiday you celebrate has been magical,
The Orange Rhino

*

We were all settled around the kitchen table enjoying our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of Spaghetti and meatballs. As #1 poured “snow” (parmesan cheese) on his meatballs he paused and looked at us.

“Mommy, daddy, will it snow this Christmas? Will it be a white Christmas? It has to be so Santa’s sleigh can get here. Without snow it won’t work.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry but there probably won’t be snow tomorrow. It doesn’t always snow on Christmas. In fact, it rarely does.” I said like a true, crotchety old lady who no longer believed in anything extraordinary.

“But it just has to. It has to snow!” he cried.

“We’re sorry babe, it’s just not in the forecast” daddy chimed in.

#1 stopped talking and looked sullenly down at his meal. He twirled his spaghetti, pushed it around his plate, but didn’t really eat it.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Aren’t you hungry? Aren’t you excited for tomorrow?”

“I am. But I am really sad that it won’t snow.  I really wish it would snow. I asked Santa for it to snow you know. And the clouds looked like snow today. It’s going to snow. I know it is.”

The truth? My husband and I hadn’t even looked at the forecast. We had no idea what weather the evening or tomorrow would hold. After years of non-snow-filled Christmas, we just assumed it wouldn’t. We stopped believing in white Christmases years ago. We had lost hope. We had lost the beautiful innocence that came with being a child.

We proceeded to finish dinner with a very disappointed six year old then read “’Twas the night before Christmas” before leaving out cookies and carrots for Santa and Rudolph. We tucked the boys in and ran downstairs to start the mad rush of getting all the presents out, assembled, and organized for tomorrow.

As I paused to nurse a new cut caused by untwisting one too many plastic ties from a toy box, a car passed by outside. The headlights lit up the night and what I saw amazed me.

SNOW.

Snow. Snow. Snow. Falling peacefully from the night sky blanketing our street in the most perfect dusting of white. It was a beautiful site. The most perfect type of snow in fact; the romantic kind that falls slowly and lightly and just makes you stop and pause and think what a beautiful world it really is.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Oh sweetheart!” I exclaimed to my husband. “#1 was right! It is snowing outside. Can you believe it? Oh, it’s the best gift ever to him!”

Tears filled my eyes. I was overjoyed that my child’s simple wish had come true. I was overjoyed at the thought of how happy he would be the next morning. I was overwhelmed when I realized how children always believe; how they don’t let negative thoughts, or people, get in their way from wishing and hoping.

At that moment I wanted to run upstairs and wake my sleeping son and tell him the good news. I wanted to tell him that his wish came true, that it was snowing and that he should never, ever, stop believing in his dreams, in himself, no matter how many naysayers he comes across.

We did decide to wake him up; it was just too magical not to. We slowly opened his door and crept to his bed. As I opened the blinds he sat up, rubbing his eyes all confused.

“Look!” I whispered. “It’s snowing! It’s really snowing. Your wish came true!”

“Oh” he slurred still half asleep. “My snow came. Does that mean Santa’s here?” Then he plopped his head back down and resumed snoring leaving me no opportunity to tell him my don’t stop believin’ spiel.

Staring in awe!!!

So instead, I share it with you. Don’t stop believing! Believe in yourself that you can stop yelling. I can’t assure you that it will happen overnight but I can assure you that it will happen someday and that if you don’t believe in yourself, it will never happen.

Go for it. Dream of changing. Believe that you can. You just never know what might happen.

294 days without yelling, 71 days of loving more to go!

Dear Fruit Cake,

Move over. This holiday season, you are no longer the #1 gift. The Orange Rhino Emergency Basket is. Filled with 10 of the Orange Rhino’s favorite things to use when she wants to yell, the Orange Rhino Emergency Basket is the perfect gift for any mother or father. In fact, you can give it to employers, friends, grandmas, Starbucks baristas, crappy drivers on the highway yelling at you to move when traffic is full on stopped. Yes, you can give this basket to anyone this season. Because face it…come the holiday season, everyone yells more than they like. And what everyone wants is to not yell, not Fruit Cake.

Best of luck to you,
The Orange Rhino

*

Feeling like you are going to yell? Need a quick fix to snap you out of it? Grab one of these 10 items and remember your promise to yourself and to your kids, to not yell at them. Grab one of these items to feel better, to find empathy, to make your kids laugh, to relax. Grab one of these items and feel the desire to yell slowly fade away.

And yes. Yes I do have this basket in my house. And yes. Yes I do use these items. What was that? Has this challenge made me a little silly and over the top? Why, yes, yes it has!

1. Start blowing bubbles (Helps me take deep breaths but more so, reminds me of childhood and that I should just chill out sometimes!)
2. Put hand in front of mouth and pretend to “toot” a horn or grab this horn and blow  (Great attention getter making it easier to deliver my message without yelling. Focused kids equal kids that can listen better.)
3. Put funny glasses on and “look” through their eyes  (Makes kids laugh diverting them from bad behavior and helps  me to force myself to see kids in an orange way, a more loving, understanding way. )
4. Spray silly string (Fun diversions help everyone relax and refocus.)
5. Pop some orange M&M’s into mouth, a.k.a. Orange Rhino Pills! (Chocolate is a great mood changer! I stash these everywhere I need them – purse, car, diaper bag, desk drawer. Need a laugh? Read this blog post Parental Laryngitis about the pills!)
   

6. Paint toe nails orange (Reminds me every morning to be warm and composed. Added benefit? My boys ask why my toes are not pink like other moms. Ha! Their interest really reminds me of my promise to them!)

7. Buy orange napkins and keep in the kitchen (Meal times are hard – I make them more fun and more peaceful with this good reminder. And on nights I know are going to be beyond difficult I whip out the orange plates!)

8. Put orange post it notes all over the house ESPECIALLY where I am apt to yell (It’s like having a built in alarm system for yelling. When I am feeling really corny or goofy or stressed I even write notes to myself. You can do it! Don’t yell, laugh. Don’t yell, smile. Tell your kids you love them.)

Orange post-it note warning! Dear Orange Rhino – don’t yell at the kids for not getting ready for school on time. Help them if need be! Barking orders gets you nowhere fast!

9. Make Orange Rhino sign, attach popsicle sticks and have Kids hold it up when crankiness starts (They love it and having a team to support you in house is huge!)

10. Serve Orange Foods/Drinks  (oranges, peaches, cheese, Cheez its, carrots)

The beauty of this basket? It is not only easy to put together thanks to Party City and their new color coordinated section but it is easy to move around to different rooms depending on where you are. Having a really bad day? Bring it with you everywhere! The basement, the garage, outside, the kitchen, the bathroom (you know because what parent EVER goes to the bathroom alone?!) Having an easy day? Leave it in plain sight in the kitchen.

Want to personalize the basket?

Try adding an orange sweater for someone who loves clothes. My favorite is this one from Old Navy – I have it, super soft and super obnoxiously bright orange! I wear it on days that I know are going to be rough, you know, days that start before 5:30! http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=60790&vid=1&pid=262546072

Or how about for someone who loves to cook? This is a MUST. It’s orange and it says Love. What is not to Love? Purchase at www.brownlowgiftcom. I know I fell in love when I found it and by the way, it actually is a phenomenal spatula. Works beautifully and I love that it “belongs” in the kitchen because that is where most of my stress is.

Okay, and who doesn’t love a candle? Yankee Candle’s Spiced Pumpkin is great. Any orange candle is for that matter because the scent is relaxing and the color is a great reminder.

So what are you waiting for? Throw out the fruit cake and make an Orange Rhino Emergency basket for your friend, a neighbor OR better yet YOURSELF.

Why does The Orange Rhino Emergency Basket work? Because most of the items create distractions. They stop “bad” behavior, both MINE and my boys. These items help both my boys and I stop and re-focus so I can deliver my message calmly and they can hear my message easily (or easier). Go ahead, give it a try! Or at least add it to your holiday list!

291 days of not yelling, 74 days of loving more to go!

Dear Mother-in-Law-dearest,

Not gonna lie. I am thrilled that you hardly, if ever, are on the internet. As such, I can “safely” share this blog post without you saying “I told you so!”

Fondly,
Your daughter-in-law

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(Disclaimer: As far as mother-in-law’s go, I am pretty gosh darn lucky. I am actually grateful that mine is mine. Even if she annoys me sometimes, read on!)

It’s that time of year. A time to give thanks, a time to count or bountiful blessings, a time to eat up all the beautiful moments that family can bring. But for my ever-optimistic mother-in-law, it isn’t a time of year, it’s a way of living. She still writes hand written thank you cards even for simple thinks like having us for Thanksgiving Dinner, taking the time to call, sharing a story about the boys. She says thank you to anyone and everyone who she shares an exchange with during the day and she finds a way to be grateful and say something positive even when times are really bad, like right now when the love her life is failing way too quickly to Alzheimers.

And as much as admire her positive outlook, I must admit, sometimes it does feel a bit much. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed (jealous?) by her ability to not just find gratitude, but to feel it and share it with everyone. Okay and well sometimes, sometimes I feel just really annoyed by it.

To be clear, it’s not that I am anti-gratitude or an outright unthankful b*tch, I just am not over-the-top-lets-be-grateful-every-second-of-the-day like my mother-in-law. I most definitely say thank you when appropriate, expected, needed or truly heart felt (like whenever you comment and I say thank you for reading!) And while I most definitely think grateful thoughts, like wow, I’m grateful the boys aren’t pummeling each other right now, or wow, I’m grateful my husband helps around the house, I don’t actively share those thoughts. Yes, I do embrace the importance of gratitude but sometimes I just want to say to my mother-in-law, “enough already with the gratitude! Can’t you say something that bothers you?”

I think I actually said that to her once. Or twice. And every time my ever so chipper, perfectly perfect and proper mother-in-law, said to me,

“Now Orange Rhino, you do know that practicing gratitude is one of the many keys to happiness don’t you? That otherwise you focus on the negatives and that just brings you down?”

“Yes.”

“Well good. Have you been writing in your Gratitude Journal? You know, you really should give it a try.”

And by that she means  the one she gave me within weeks of meeting for the first time, the one she gave me each Christmas, each Birthday, each opportunity. Yes, my darling mother-in-law has been pushing Gratitude journals on me since the first moment she could. At first I was touched. How sweet, she likes me enough to give me a gift. And then how sweet, she wants to share with me something personal in her life that works. Then it was, enough already do I seem THAT unhappy? And recently, when she finally stopped giving them to me it was DARNIT, where is the Gratitude Journal when I need one?

Because guess what. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW was right. Practicing gratitude and sharing those thoughts whether via a journal a blog or out loud does make me happier which in turn get this, KEEPS me from yelling. The whole practicing gratitude isn’t just the corny hogwash that I thought it was! When I talk about the positives in my life it keeps me focused on the good things, the happy moments which helps me feel lighter and obviously, happier. And a happy mommy = a less apt to yell mommy.

This became evidently clear during the great power outage of 2012, also known as Hurricane Sandy. Every moment I felt stressed or angry or annoyed I found myself saying “wow, it could be WORSE. I could have lost more than power, I could have lost my home. I am so lucky. I am so grateful our house is unharmed.” And that sense of gratitude helped me stay calm and get through the day. And then when I saw power trucks coming to New Jersey from all over, Massachusetts, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, Indiana, Mississippi – my eyes filled with tears from gratitude and that kept me grounded and focusing on hope and that it would get better. And that got me through the day without being crotchety, without yelling.

I had always heard that gratitude was a powerful emotion from sources beyond my mother-in-law. I think I even recently read somewhere that it is scientifically proven to make people happier. I guess I didn’t realize just HOW powerful an emotion and a “non-yelling tool” it was until now. And hey, while I wish I had listened to my mother-in-law earlier, I am grateful that I at least learned the lesson now. Now is way better than never. I don’t expect to practice gratitude on the level of my mother-in-law, I just hope to practice it more. I just hope to share my thankful thoughts out loud more. And right now is as good as any time to practice

I am grateful for all 600 of you who read this blog and follow my challenge on Facebook. Your support keeps me going. Honestly. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving! And to my non U.S. followers, Happy giving-me-reason-to-say-thanks!

285 days without yelling, 80 days of loving more to go!

Dear Orange Rhinos,

I regret to inform you that my computer read my post last week and in sheer defiance decided to go kaput. So unfortunately for this week looks like I will be posting via phone again. Apologies! Anywho, here is a conversation I had with my hubby this morning. Based on the tone of my posts the content should come as no surprise, but hopefully you like it and find it useful (and funny!) I know I did at the time.

xoxo,
The Orange Rhino

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