Let’s be totally honest – kids make you want to scream with frustration and also, with joy, with excitement, with pride, with love. I had one of the latter moments yesterday. And fear you not, several of the others as well, both before and after the good moment.
It’s just been a trying time here in this Orange Rhino household of teens lately, which is why this one yelling moment out of joy was that much more special.
My boys were at their dad’s this weekend. They often don’t call when they are there. At first it really hurt and I took it personally, not gonna lie. Then, after several weekends of them saying the same thing the minute they walked in the door, “Hi mom! Love you! Sorry I didn’t call this weekend but…” I started to understand where they were coming from with not calling and didn’t take it as personal.
And I knew we were both having a hard time with the adjustment. The upside to this? When I do get a call?! Especially when one kiddo who never, ever calls?! It is that much more golden.
Okay, well, it is 50/50 golden when he calls. Scratch that. 33/33/33 (and can someone please come up with a clever way to make that sound easy like 50/50. Is it 33% equally? 33% all around? I don’t know. Anywho.)
33% chance he needs me to do something for him which while annoying and totally teenager, I still welcome the chance to hear his voice, the opportunity to talk to him about life and the fun of talking to a third person about calling just because he needs something. We are still learning phone manners here. Holy schnikes!
This is of course his favorite thing I do. Insert eye rolls. After he finishes his request for some game thing or another, I’ll playfully go “Oh, hi mom. I just called to say I love you. I need something and that something is to talk to! I miss you!”
He’ll giggle, yes giggle, and say, “I know, sorry. Hi mom, how are you, how is your weekend?”
33% something is wrong. There was the time he Face-timed me. Then I was actually worried and rightfully so because one look and I knew something was wrong – this was the beginning of the great Hand Mouth Throat takeover of 2022.
It was swell. And the 33% Sheer Joy. The truth is just calling to say I love you or I am thinking of you. Which brings us to yesterday’s call.
“So mom, I was just thinking. I was watching You Tube…” I tried to stay focused but all I could think was oh lordy, what crazy, ridiculous story am I going to hear and have to pretend to be excited about or have to “not lecture” about but somehow teach about the inappropriateness of the content?!
Focus, girl, focus. He called for you. Embrace the moment! Believe there is good to come!
“…and somehow I ended up watching a video about…” bracing myself… “extinct animals.” SAFE, I think?! “Oh, cool!” I said enthusiastically.
“And then, they started talking about Rhinos actually. And how people are killing them for their horns and how they could be extinct soon. And it made me think of you.”
Needed to brace myself again. This had complete and utter potential to go two ways:
(1) It made me think of you dying or
(2) it made me think of you and The Orange Rhino.
This was a legit 50/50. No 33% equally here! We journey on into the conversation. “It did? How so?” I asked curiously, and genuinely. I was so touched that he made a connection to me when seeing Rhinos.
“Well, you know how you are The Orange Rhino?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I was thinking. I mean, you don’t let me have Facebook or social media so I don’t know how it works, but like, maybe people don’t know what The Orange Rhino is?”
Yes, SAFE!
“Maybe they are confused and are thinking it is about saving Rhinos? And maybe they think there are actually Orange Rhinos? And also, you know how I want to make money? Maybe I could work for you somehow? I don’t know. Just thought of you. Wanted to share. That’s it.”
“WOW, sweetheart. That is totally awesome. I am really touched, truly. Thanks so much for thinking of me.” I said and as I write, I sit here tearing up, a voice inside me yelling with joy, “YES! He is a love! He does think of me!”
“So seriously, can I work for you somehow and make money?” And now I giggled, because, well, kids.
“I don’t know honey, but maybe. We will see. I do love your insights though and they are spot on. I am actually working right now to make it more clear what an Orange Rhino is. Way to go. Hope you are having a great weekend.”
“I am. Okay. Love you. Bye.”
And that was that. But so much more than that.
One of the reasons I started writing again was for my boys to see me “working” and doing something I love. To see me having goals and going after them. To see me having dreams and chasing them. My son saw me enough to think of me when not with me and so much so to call me. Major win yesterday, a major win. YELLING with excitement!
And also, he is right. Perhaps there is confusion to all who are new or even anyone who sees the phrase “The Orange Rhino.” What is it? I know it was a little more clear when I had the word Challenge there. Oh, it’s a challenge. And then clearly, one look at my website, oh, a challenge to stop yelling.
But why a rhino? Well, one day in the beginning when I was searching for a symbol so I could remain anonymous, my son was yelling at me while picking his nose. I said calmly, “If I can’t yell what does that mean for you?”
He replied, “I can’t yell, but I can still pick my nose!” This inspired me to google Rhino for some reason (my brain works in wondrous ways) and voila…
“Grey Rhinos are naturally calm animals that charge when provoked (threatened.)”
Well, I’ll be! I was a Grey Rhino. I charged when provoked vis-a-vis yelling and saw myself as naturally calm. Anywho, I wanted to respond with warmth and love and no longer with yelling. I needed the energy and determination to do so time and time again. I needed the color Orange in my life! And so, The Orange Rhino was born! The Orange Rhino did appear to face extinction for a while, but really, was just evolving.
And wow, as I write that, powerful statement, no? How often do we think we are on a dead end path but really we are gathering information, experiences and insights to help us on a new path? We just don’t realize it at the time of course…. I thought The Orange Rhino was headed towards extinction, but really was just evolving. The Orange Rhino still represents Yelling Less, but now, also more. The Orange Rhino represents Yelling Less all Around – at our kids, at ourselves, from ourselves and from our lives.
Because yelling doesn’t just happen because of our kids, and it doesn’t just happen towards our kids.
Yelling happens because of ourselves and our thoughts, the negative ones we listen to too much, the positive ones we don’t listen to enough.
Yelling happens because of our lives, our connections, our experiences, our actions, our inactions.
The Orange Rhino is evolving, but at the core is still the same thing: warmth and love. Warmth and love for my kids, Warmth and Love for myself, and making sure I am in a life that is giving Warmth and Love back to me. My son gave me loads of warmth and love yesterday with a simple phone call. I won’t get all moments right with him, nor him with me. Neither of us are perfect.
But we enjoy the moments we do get right. I am an Orange Rhino, and he is one in the making – and we are both still human. Sending loads and warmth and love this Monday morning, xoxo, The Orange Rhino ©2023
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
