31 days down, 334 to go!
Dear Baskin Robbins,
Today when I woke up I thought of you because today is my attempt at going 31 days without yelling. Every time I see that number I think of you and all the times I told the 31 original flavors to customers and all the memories we shared during my childhood. I’ve been faithful to you for so long, but I have to come clean. I have grown up and moved on to finer tastes. And as it turns out, my sons have adopted the same taste. I’m sorry I couldn’t make them love you like I did.
The Orange Rhino
I find it hilarious that I started the day thinking about Baskin Robbins and ice cream and then this happened:
Totally busted. I went upstairs for 1 minute to check on SCREAMING baby (awesome times right now in The Orange Rhino household) and this is what I returned to – #1 and #2 QUICKLY scarfing down MY Haagen Daz. They know that it is mommy’s ice cream for when she is stressed and that theirs is (was) the Baskin Robbins quarts with pink lids. It seems we have all moved on, them from Basking Robbins, me from yelling.
You see normally, upon seeing this I would have yelled because there are so many things wrong with this picture. 1) They are eating ice cream without permission 2) They are eating MY ice cream 3) They are sitting on the counter 4) They aren’t offering to share and 5) While I got the camera, they finished it without giving me a bite! The only good thing, they were doing something together that wasn’t wrestling. So not only could I not yell because of The Orange Rhino Challenge, I couldn’t (didn’t want) to yell because they were getting along for a change. So instead, I got the camera and smiled. It was kind of nice to see that they love ice cream as much as I do…. it makes me know that they truly are my kiddos.
I mean, I love love love ice cream. Who doesn’t love ice cream? I live for ice cream. If I could have had an ice cream wedding cake, I would have. If I had the financial means, I would open up an ice cream store. If I could eat ice cream every night, I would. I literally think it is all I ate during my 4th pregnancy so it isn’t a surprise that boy #4 has a lactose intolerance and I had to give up my nightly ice cream fix for 6 months while nursing just to help his stomach out. That was brutal. BRUTAL. When I stopped nursing all I wanted was ice cream. Or so I thought.
I had my first ice cream fix all planned out. It was going to be a double scoop sundae at Friendly’s – vanilla ice cream, with hot fudge, peanut butter sauce, whipped cream, marshmallows and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. But the most tragic thing happened. After not having had ice cream for 6 months, when I took a bite, it tasted BLAH. Blah blah blah. It didn’t appeal to me at all. I took another bite. Same response. In fact, I didn’t even finish it. My husband was convinced I was sick. I wasn’t. I have just simply lost my appetite for ice cream. I’ll take a few bites a night as a reward for surviving the day, but that’s it. My ability to eat a whole sundae and enjoy it is gone. The satisfaction from eating ice cream is gone.
And well, it seems I’ve lost my appetite for yelling too. In not having “yelling binges” for 31 days I hardly feel like yelling anymore. I just don’t feel like “yelling” as a means of releasing frustration exists in my body anywhere. It isn’t even trying to poke out and scream hello.
One day I was so angry I went into the garage to yell and nothing came out. I physically couldn’t yell. At first, it was a massive let down. I really needed a release at that moment and I was so proud of myself for walking away from my boys. I was sure yelling into the garage would instantly make me feel better. But to yell and have nothing come out was like, huh? WTF? This is what I used to do to feel better. This is what I used to like to doing. It was my sure thing. What happened? It was disappointing but also so invigorating at the same time because it meant one thing. My ability to yell was gone.
But let me be very clear.
Am I still frustrated? Oh yes. Do my kids still drive me bonkers at times? H*ll yes. But my first impulse isn’t too yell. The SATISFACTION I got from yelling is gone, and with it, the temptation. I was never really satisfied by yelling before, I always felt crappy afterwards. But at least it felt like a release of sorts and that was satisfying. But now I have found other ways to release that are more satisfying…because I release without making my kids cry.
Now my first inclination is to stomp my feet (my guess, is kind of like how I envision a Rhino would do before charging?). Yes I look like a fool. An absolute, utter, fool. I stop wherever I am, close my eyes, clench my fists and teeth and stomp my feet. I kind of look like a two year old having a tantrum – without the yelling of course. But it works. And at this point, I’m going with whatever works because not only am I not screaming for ice cream anymore, but I’m not screaming at my kiddos either it and feels great.
(P.S. I won’t scream if my appetite for ice cream returns, that would be cool. But I will scream if my appetite for yelling does return…life is just better without it. Harder perhaps, but better.)