What if? What if we don’t explain away why we feel what we feel, what if we don’t analyze why we’re crying again, but instead we simply say, “it’s Just Because.” And by this we mean, sometimes our feelings and our response simply reflect that life is hard sometimes.
After I shared with you all yesterday about my frustrating medical situation, I dropped the kids off at school and came home to read an email with more frustrating news. “Ugh. Why can’t anything be easy?!” I said out loud, maybe a little too loud. Hope, my dog, looked at me. She was frustrated too. We were off schedule because I had to wait for a worker to come to the house. As soon as the worker came and I got them settled, Hope and I headed out in the oddly warm December weather.
My mind immediately returned to thoughts about how nothing was going smoothly lately. “It’s not that I feel like a victim. No, no this isn’t victim mentality.” I thought to myself. “It’s just, I *wish* things could go a little easier. I *wish* I wasn’t bumping into so many barriers.” I found myself tearing up. It reminded me of the day before when something happened and tears started to form.
Before my son could say anything I said to him, “I know, I know, I’m crying again. It’s what I do lately. The tears just flow.” He laughed and replied, “You beat me to it.” I continued my walk, wondering why I cry so easily lately.
Before my brain could even go there, I said to myself… “Girl, I know you like to analyze everything and have an explanation for everything. But sometimes, sometimes there isn’t an explanation -OR- sometimes one isn’t needed. You don’t need to say ‘it’s what you do lately’ and right now you don’t need to explain away your tears by blaming perimenopause. Just be. Let yourself cry JUST BEcause your body needs to. Just because life is hard sometimes and that’s okay. Sure hormones make it easier to cry 😉 but that’s not always the trigger or even the only trigger.
Life. Life can be a trigger. Life can be hard, and overwhelming and exhausting. Period. Yes, life is good. Sure, everyday should feel good. But sometimes it doesn’t. It’s okay that tears seep out as a response. Let them.”
I sighed a sigh of relief, of feeling free, of feeling more accepted by myself. It’s not that I have anything against crying, I don’t. You all know that. Crying is needed – it’s a way of the body cleansing itself, of helping calm itself, so it doesn’t burst. It’s just, anytime I explained away my tears I also invalidated my feelings. I didn’t leave room for my feelings or experience.
Blaming every tear on a hormonal week or perimenopause, or even exhaustion, didn’t give me a chance to see if something else was going on. Something else that needed space to be seen and fully felt. The rest of my walk was nice and peaceful. I mean 50 degrees in December in NJ? Yes please! The minute I got home a friend called and we started chatting about how exhausted we are from parenting and well, everything 😉 Ironically (or not) we ended up talking about how tears just seem to be natural lately.
She was like “why? just why?” I replied, “Just Because life can be freakin’ hard.” We laughed because we were both also so tired of everything being blamed on anything but our real experience in life. Life can be good. Everyday can have moments that feel good. And also, it can be hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong but just because, it can be a lot. Remember that.
So just keep being you. Keep showing up the best you can in the moment, tears or no tears. You’re doing great.
Sending my warmth to go with your strength, today and always, and also sending tissues (the nice kind with aloe added so your skin doesn’t get rough). Thinking of you all,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
