28 days down, 337 days to go!
Dear Orange Rhino Community,
I mean this with the upmost love and sincerity, but Darn You! Every time I want to quit, that I want to throw in the towel and say I can’t do this, it is too much, it is too hard, I am going to fail, and that I DECIDE to quit, one of you sends the most eerily perfect email or Facebook post that reassures me. And then I think “sh*t” I can’t quit. And I don’t. So I guess instead of saying “darn you,” I should be saying…
The Orange Rhino
Whenever I read one of your posts, or one of your emails, from a new or old Follower, I get excited that The Orange Rhino Community that I envisioned is actually forming. A community of parents supporting each other in the goal to parent with more warmth and composure and less yelling. A community where honesty isn’t frowned upon, but embraced. A community free of judgment, where I can safely admit that I yell too much. A community where it is okay to be REAL…where it is OKAY to admit I need help.
And oh boy do I need this Community. Why?
Because I SUCK at asking for help. Suck at it.
Just ask any of my local friends who tried to help me when my 4th boy in 5 years arrived. They offered to bring food. To bring kids to camp. To bring groceries. I politely declined. Well except for the first day home from the hospital when I realized I needed Newborn size diapers for the first time ever and I needed even larger size breasts shield for using the breast pump because well the 4th time around, things are just different! The last thing I could handle was a trip to Babies ‘R Us so I asked for helped. But that was it. That was pretty much the extent of my asking for help at a time when obviously, I really needed it. I didn’t ask for help when I felt I just couldn’t make it through another day. I didn’t ask for help when I knew it would make my life easier, and better.
And why the hell not? Was I too proud? Too stubborn? Too sleep deprived to know any better?
No, I was just stupid. Okay, and perhaps a bit too proud. Okay, and probably too stubborn also.
I wanted to prove to people that I could handle 4 kids under 5 (mostly) by myself, that I didn’t need that much help. Why? Because so many people told me that I was crazy to have 4 kids in 5 years. That I was screwed to have 4 boys. That I needed full time help and then some. Which I of course I took to mean: that I couldn’t do it on my own, that I was not capable, but weak, that I made a mistake having so many kids so close together.
Yes, all of these are my personal issues. None of my friends were saying what I felt they were. And no, I don’t think anyone I know who asks for help is incapable or weak, I actually think they are strong and wise. So my logic in not asking for help, even though when others do I think it is a good move, well it was totally flawed!
Yes, I should have just asked for help. Asked for someone to bring me coffee. Asked for someone to come help me organize clothes (we had just moved). Asked for someone to make that second trip to Babies ‘R Us. But you see, I like to give back. I like to give, period. So I feel bad asking and accepting help knowing that I can’t return the favor in the near future. So, I only take help when I know I can return the favor.
Well, again, this is just stupid and stubborn. I know.
Because everyone needs help at times. And it is OKAY to ask for help. I’m going to say that again so maybe I start to believe it, haha. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! There will be a time when the tables are turned. When I will be able to give all that I want to give and there will be a mom, either one I know or perhaps one I’ve met through this Challenge, that will need my help, my support. A mom who won’t be able to return the favor. And guess what – I won’t expect her to and I will be glad to help her.
So I guess I’ve learned my lesson. This go ‘round, as I take on my “5th” child, The Orange Rhino Challenge, I readily admit that I need help. There I said it.
I need help. I need help keeping my promise to my boys to not yell for 365 days. It’s a big promise. A big big one. But it is oh so important to me and my boys. I simply have to keep it! I knew I couldn’t take on this challenge by myself, I knew that I would need the support. I knew that I would need a community to turn to when I just want to SCREAMMMMMMM! Which is exactly why I created the blog and opened myself up. And you all have been there, and helped me. Thank gosh for facebook, thank gosh for you!
So please, keep doing what you are doing. Send me emails, share my posts, post on my FB page that I can do it when I say I want to scream because you are helping me in a big BIG way. Your support and enthusiasm for The Orange Rhino Challenge inspires me to keep going, even when it is beyond TOUGH.
And P.S. My four boys, #1, #2, #3, and #4, they Thank you too because they much prefer the new mommy who “gives lots more hugs and kisses.”