Anyone else like me and lacking a wee bit of self-confidence at times? Got a surprise for you that helped me a lot… Earlier this year I was feeling overwhelmed at home. Who am I kidding! I felt overwhelmed overall, on and off all school year! I felt like a disorganized, ready to explode, lost, mess of a person a lot of the time. I was desperate to figure out how to “succeed” or “do better” at managing my life and hated that I didn’t know how.
“I can’t do this,” this being run by a household of busy teenagers, came to my mind too many times. I, we, survived the school year but I would have loved to do so a little more gracefully and I would’ve loved to figure out how to make life feel a little better, a little more manageable.
I kept looking outwards for answers. I read and researched online for hours. I tried other people’s systems that worked for them. I listened to podcasts galore. Nothing was clicking.
One day at the end of the school year, when I was about to lose my holy loving everything, I went for a walk to chill. I found myself laughing out loud as I thought, “Why is this so much harder than when I had four kids under five?! That was so much easier! Much less chaos. I had that under control. That was overwhelming but less so which for the life of me I can’t believe. I had less sleep. Less time to myself. More crying. More puke. What the heck?!”
I continued walking, mulling that memory over and it hit me. “It felt easier then and I felt like I was succeeding because we had a very specific routine that was easy to remember and easy to follow.” It was so true. I knew when naps and meals were and everything revolved around that. The structure gave me guideposts for the day and chunked out the day into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Obviously lack of activities and individual child requests made it easier but still – this insight was golden. I took this insight and looked at other times in my life where I felt like I was “succeeding” or “thriving” (or whatever word works for you) to see if the same insight applied. Sure enough, structure and routine were all very, very present. I knew it was important (we all do), I just didn’t understand HOW crucial it was for me in particular.
I didn’t need to download any more worksheets or gather input from others as to how to “succeed.” I already knew how to because I had done so in my life already. All I had to do was look into MY past and see when I DID SUCCEED and learn from that. All I had to do was look into my past and see the times when I was thriving and take notes about what was working, what felt right, what didn’t, and bring that learning to the present.
So as I sit here this morning, preparing for school to start next week, working on our new routines, it is obvious that there is no way I can be as structured as my past. WAY too many moving parts. While I can’t be as structured as I wish, I CAN find a way to apply the fact that having structure of some sort is a key to success for me AND be creative in defining what structure/routine looks like.
And I can also accept that structure and routine today will be different than they used to be and that’s okay – I will still be able to find less overwhelm with a little more routine in place than last year. I will also remember to keep it a priority and make sure that we don’t lose our routines even when the going gets tough. Which it will. Effective Tuesday. Sigh. Oh, and one more thing.
Here’s something we can all take away. Part of the structure that helped me years ago? I was guaranteed all kids took a nap at the same time at least five or six days a week if I was lucky which meant I had guaranteed down time SCHEDULED for ME and I always took it. I didn’t do that this year. Just sayin’.
So here’s to YOU and all that you know about yourself and all the times you have already succeeded! You are the best expert in you and I want you to remember that. It is so easy to forget how much knowledge (and strength!) we already have within. Sending warmth and strength to you today and always,
xoxo, Sheila
🧡 The Orange Rhino
